hell_is_empty
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Summary
In the summer before his fifth year at Hogwarts, Harry is drawn to a room in Grimmauld Place. Like the Gryffindor he is, he enters the room without fear. The room is a library, and Harry is surprised to find that he’s eager to learn.
Then he gets the bad news: he’s been accidentally expelled from Hogwarts, and he needs to be sorted again. Everyone is confident that he’ll go straight back to Gryffindor, but with what he's been learning, Harry’s not so sure.
Series
- Part 1 of Mutatum
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 222,453
- Chapters:
- 29/29
- Collections:
- 214
- Comments:
- 8,991
- Kudos:
- 90,445
- Bookmarks:
- 24,060
- Hits:
- 3,097,771
Bookmarked by hell_is_empty
27 Apr 2026
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Summary
Harry is overwhelmed by his own power and fame and angst, so he's become a hermit. Draco Malfoy is tired of the melodrama.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 65,615
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Comments:
- 526
- Kudos:
- 8,856
- Bookmarks:
- 2,559
- Hits:
- 194,434
Bookmarked by hell_is_empty
23 Mar 2026
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Summary
Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 153,881
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 6,658
- Kudos:
- 60,527
- Bookmarks:
- 19,457
- Hits:
- 1,395,495
Bookmarked by hell_is_empty
22 Mar 2026
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Summary
Post-Running on Air. Domestic fluff and Christmas with the family.
Series
- Part 2 of Running on Air
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,894
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 6
- Comments:
- 895
- Kudos:
- 26,765
- Bookmarks:
- 2,771
- Hits:
- 177,612
Bookmarked by hell_is_empty
22 Mar 2026
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Summary
Two weeks before the premiere of the biggest film of Dave's career, Bro kills himself.
“Dead,” Dirk repeats over the phone. “Bro is D-E-A-D, dead. The apartment is a shithole. Even though the man of the hour is staying in Chez Morgue Drawer, he did a number on the place first. I wouldn’t be asking if I could handle it myself.”
“Just call the Hoarders people. He’s your guy. I didn’t even know him.” Despite being iteration ten thousand, the lie feels less natural than it usually does. “I don’t need to be there. Neither of us do.”
“Totally.” Dirk sounds like sidewalk. “Yeah, no, that was my first thought, but then I slept on it and applied a modicum of critical thinking. In that 'Puppet Fetish Porn Studio Unearthed in Childhood Home of Indie Darling' is gonna boost neither of our ratings.”
Despite the tags, this is a comedy. Or is it?
Bookmarked by hell_is_empty
15 Mar 2026