jester18
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When the Ministry guts funding for her Muggleborn Integration Programme, Hermione Granger has three months and twenty days to conjure twenty thousand Galleons—or watch seven years of work die in its cradle. Legitimate channels are closed to her. Then Ginny Weasley proposes something deliciously scandalous: bottle sex memories, price them obscenely, and let wealthy witches and wizards lose themselves inside their pensieves. All Hermione needs is a wizard who can be trusted to stay discreet. Anyone but a stranger.
Enter Draco Malfoy—haunted by his two years in Azkaban and cold to nearly everyone. Counting only Theo and Harry as his closest friends. He’s spent two years orbiting Hermione at a careful distance, wanting what he shouldn’t.
What begins as a favour becomes something far more dangerous: the terrifying possibility of being loved—and, worse, forgiven.
Bookmarked by jester18
03 Jun 2026
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Something Borrowed, Something Found by wehavediscussedit
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
01 Jun 2026
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“Right. Erm… Ron is getting married.”
Malfoy’s brows turned down once more with a puzzled look.
“I’ve heard. Although, I believe his owl must have lost my invitation during its trip,” he said sarcastically.
“And Harry and Ginny think you might want to come as my plus one,” she said, ignoring his comment. She had a plan set in her mind and she just needed to get it all out before she lost the nerve to do so.
Malfoy’s eyes widened but his confused expression did not waver.
“And why would that be?”
Hermione swallowed. “Because I may have told them we are dating.”
OR
After receiving an invitation to Ron’s two weeklong wedding celebration and having Harry and Ginny shove in her face how very much single and lonely she is, Hermione sees herself lying about her relationship status.
The issue is, she didn’t really think the lie through. And let out – accidentally – that her secret boyfriend is Draco Malfoy. She now must convince Malfoy to pretend to be her doting, loving boyfriend for the two-week event. What she doesn’t know, is that he doesn’t need much convincing.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 108,037
- Chapters:
- 10/17
- Comments:
- 263
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- 540
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- 309
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Bookmarked by jester18
02 Jun 2026
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When Draco Malfoy goes to sign a betrothal contract, only for the contract to reject his signature because he is already married.
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Where Hermione and Draco accidentally engage in an ancient and forgotten ritual that results in them being married and dealing with the media shitshow.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 48,452
- Chapters:
- 15/?
- Comments:
- 461
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- 1,198
- Bookmarks:
- 566
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- 38,580
Bookmarked by jester18
19 May 2026
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Hermione Granger’s daughter is sorted into Slytherin.
Draco Malfoy is her Head of House.
He tells himself the resemblance means nothing.
He tells himself the timing is coincidence.
He tells himself Hermione would have told him.
Bookmarked by jester18
02 May 2026
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I Think My Professor Is a Pornstar by softkombucha
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
28 May 2026
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“That’s him, Hermione. Oh my god, that’s his voice, that’s literally Professor Malfoy. The jaw, the eyes, even the way he…oh god, even the way he talks.” Ginny let out a gasp, clutching the duvet.
“See! See? I told you! I’ve been losing my mind for a week over this. There’s no way. Right? What are the odds?” Hermione punched her pillow in triumph.
“That’s absolutely mental. But you’re right, it looks just like him. Like! exactly him. If that’s not him then he needs to sue someone for….for….I don’t know! Something!” Ginny shook her head, blinking like she needed to clear her vision.
“It’s crazy, isn’t it? I keep telling myself I was being insane, but every time he talks in class, it’s all I hear. I’m going to fail English because my professor is possibly a pornstar.” Hermione let out a relieved breath upon hearing the confirmation from her best friend.
A modern muggle AU in which Hermione Granger suddenly starts to suspect that her insanely attractive English professor might be moonlighting as an adult film star known as Big Roman.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 152,183
- Chapters:
- 22/?
- Comments:
- 521
- Kudos:
- 535
- Bookmarks:
- 158
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- 25,856
Bookmarked by jester18
02 May 2026