paletragedycandy
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So you think you can survive Hogwarts? Best of luck by paletragedycandy
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
24 Jun 2026
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This is straight crack covering our favorite characters' final year at Hogwarts. There is no war. There is no voldie. Everyone will live happily ever after. They are also idiots that are going to cause so much drama and trouble for themselves and all the professors. Thoughts and prayers to the professors.
- Rosekiller are fake "toxic" dating. It's a whole thing.
- Lily is very done with James, but also in love with him. It's a whole thing.
- Regulus is very done with James, but also in love with him. Do you see where this is going?
- James is a mess.
- the Marauders are up to no good. Always.
- Peter has been lost to a vanishing cabinet. He's been replaced by a transfigured ghoul.
- Dorlene take Quidditch very, very seriously. Very.
- Pandora is terrifying and will take over the world one day. But first she will build an empire on dangerous potions.
- shenanigans
- even more shenanigans -
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to get one's just deserts: to receive the appropriate reward or (more usually) punishment for one's actions.
The door to the car opened with a whine, followed by the coughing of a pathetic old man.
Barty walked to him, the pavement as light beneath his trainers as a cloud. He was skipping. He was laughing. He was crying. He was God and the Devil and Man. He was cutting the umbilical cord as he was born.
Abraxas Malfoy was crawling, and that was so fitting. On the side of his face where the airbag had impacted, there were small cuts like a dusting of weeping freckles. The skin looked raw and burned. The eye socket was swelling and the whites of the eye were spiderwebbed red.
Barty had never seen anything so beautiful.
Malfoy didn’t cry or beg for his life. He was spitting profanities, assuring Barty of his power and how Barty would suffer for this. He didn’t apologise. He didn’t repent. He didn’t revert to a quivering mass of tears and call out for his own mother.
He didn’t believe.
So, Barty stood above him, and he aimed the gun.
The Order is dead. The rich must pay. The city will burn. Evan and Barty fall in love.
Recent bookmarks
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A priest's son and the town outcast. Some say it would be a match made in hell. But Barty would say it's the closest thing to heaven he'd ever get.
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Barty used to be the good little priest's son. Until he met Evan. Evan left Barty questioning a lot more than his sexuality.
TWS: will be in the beginning of each chapter if needed
Bookmarked by paletragedycandy
22 Jun 2026
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Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew are on top of the world. They just made it through their entire first year at St. Mungo's School of Medicine and are now facing their last summer in New York City with absolutely no exams, plans, or responsibilities.
Unfortunately, nothing kills the mood faster than your estranged little brother showing up for first year orientation. What could possibly go wrong?
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[Medical School/Hospital Muggle AU. Endgame Jegulus (but with some Jily), Wolfstar, Dorlene, Rosekiller with angst, fluff, medical drama, and... a little Vigilante Shit?]
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 342,899
- Chapters:
- 38/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 3,010
- Kudos:
- 1,266
- Bookmarks:
- 644
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- 76,649
Bookmarked by paletragedycandy
19 Jan 2026
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Regulus Black was cheated on, dumped, and now faces the Christmas gala with “sad, lonely and reject” practically stamped on his forehead.
His brother suggests finding a date who can follow a script, look devastating in an expensive tux, and help his ex choke on pretentious food.
James Potter knows an opportunity when he sees one.
Bookmarked by paletragedycandy
02 Jan 2026
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A Rosekiller centered football/high school au.
Barty never care much about making friends. He never cared much about anything, to be honest. Then came Britain, a new school, football and mainly James fucking Potter's need for team spirit.
Bookmarked by paletragedycandy
26 Dec 2025
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Nothing Safe Is Worth the Drive by cuntycrouch
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Formula 1 RPF
22 May 2026
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As far as Barty could remember, there was always Evan Rosier.
From the first time they had strapped on their karting helmets as kids, side by side, they had been two sides of the same coin. Sometimes, it felt as if the race was meant to be between the two of them, as though every lap, every overtaking maneuver, every small victory had only one purpose: to bring them together.
When Barty finally got into F1 at the age of seventeen, he'd known it'd be a matter of time before his past caught up to him.
And he was right, for 6 years later, as he cemented his place at the top of the sport, the announcement came: Evan Rosier had signed a contract with Ferrari.
If only it was purely a matter of rivalry...
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 224,551
- Chapters:
- 29/?
- Comments:
- 750
- Kudos:
- 402
- Bookmarks:
- 113
- Hits:
- 16,361
Bookmarked by paletragedycandy
26 Dec 2025