psychoSlaughter
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Harry embarks on a self-appointed quest across the Scottish Highlands. Maybe it’s dangerous to not tell anyone about his plans (especially with an escaped convict on the loose and the giant spiders and the graphorn...) but Harry needs to do this!
Kick-started by a sudden love of fiction, it’s become clear that if he wants a chance of defeating Voldemort, Harry had better get a head start on this character development business that all adventure novel protagonists go through.
Sure, he can’t use magic over the holidays, but he’ll loot all sorts of helpful treasures (like a sword!), finally get the hang of potions via crafting bombs, pick up some hobbies, and make new friends and animal companions to help him along his journey.
(first draft completed, will update regularly)
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Harry is "rescued" from the Dursleys by a necromancer with glowing acid-green eyes and strange tattoos. His new mama isn’t the most affectionate, but she makes up for it by teaching Harry all sorts of exciting dark magic like crafting horcruxes and speaking to the dead. Despite this, he reckons he turned out just fine.
In which the adults don’t hang the weight of the world on one child’s shoulders, Harry gets to be a perfectly normal Hogwarts student (with only a few near-death experiences, a reasonable amount of murder, and his mass-murderer godfather hiding in his trunk), and the author spends a good portion of his time ignoring the plot for exploring magical theory and the power of friendship.
Series
- Part 1 of harry gets a little murder as a treat
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Another goblin rebellion is brewing, and Harry Potter is going to fund it. They’ll cut the boy a fair deal. He hands over the Potter fortune, and in exchange, they’ll do some simple tasks for him like revealing his countless Lordships, resurrecting his dead parents, and destroying Voldemort's horcruxes.
Luckily, the goblins have Burlik Big-Sword, the perfect goblin for the job. Serving as the fragile connection between beings and beasts, perhaps friendship, empathy and communication can heal the prejudiced roots deep in magical society. Or swords. Burlik would prefer to settle things with swords.
(A crack subversion of the OP!Goblins trope)
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“You have traps that hurt the body, but not ones that hurt the spirit,” Snape said in a somber tone. “The Dark Lord is arrogant, to defeat him you must break him. He has insecurity within, buried deep under many masks. Humiliate him, and he will falter. Emasculate him, and he will perish.”
James threw up his hands in defeat. “By pranking him with bloody schoolyard jinxes!?”
“It is the only way."James had no idea how things had gotten so out of control, but there was an obstacle course and a haunted house in their front yard, three different boggarts in their bathroom, and tripwire on every stair leading up to the nursery. Yeah… this will definitely keep out Voldemort.
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Harry Potter and The Muggle Postman by psychoSlaughter
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
30 Aug 2022
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Ordinary muggle postman Edmund's day starts with pondering over a suspicious letter addressed to "the cupboard under the stairs" and ends with him single-handedly defeating the dark lord Voldemort.
Starts serious, ends very much crack
Recent series
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harry gets a little murder as a treat by psychoSlaughter
Fandom Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
16 Jun 2024
- Words:
- 163,843
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 174
Recent bookmarks
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Soul-marks are everything in the magical world; you can only ever marry or date your soulmate, every person has exactly one mark and match, and even house-elves are slaves because of their lack of marks. The Killing Curse, Unforgivable because it erases the soul’s mark as well as killing the body, has no known survivors. Until it does, and Harry Potter goes to Hogwarts bereft of his mark, the subject of furious debate as to whether his presence dirties the school or if it should be allowed at all. As Harry learns more and more about the underpinnings of the magical world, his fury grows, and he allies with other outcasts to bring down the corrupt system.
Series
- Part 8 of From Samhain to the Solstice 2021
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 44,374
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Comments:
- 466
- Kudos:
- 4,060
- Bookmarks:
- 1,071
- Hits:
- 48,865
Bookmarked by psychoSlaughter
04 Jun 2026
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Instead of becoming Voldemort, Tom Riddle established a school of “secondary importance” for Muggleborns, half-bloods, and Squibs. Since the school frees Hogwarts to continue drifting more towards the purebloods’ whims and wishes, they haven’t raised any large fuss. Besides, everyone knows that half-bloods and Muggleborns don’t have any real power. Just look at Riddle, who had ambitions that outpaced his magical strength. They don’t see the revolution coalescing under the surface.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 196,250
- Chapters:
- 43/50
- Comments:
- 2,420
- Kudos:
- 7,476
- Bookmarks:
- 2,534
- Hits:
- 286,698
Bookmarked by psychoSlaughter
04 Jun 2026
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Summary
Harry finds a better life with the basilisk, but that doesn't mean it's easy. From inter-being feuds, to bloody prophecies, to elven unrest, Harry is in the eye of a hurricane that will change the wizarding world forever.
Involving thestrals, merfolk, house elves, centaurs, acromantulae, and various other friends, denizens, and allies.
This series is: Queer in a multitude of ways. Morally complex. A massively canon-divergent AU. Filled with oc's and non-oc's. A story about relationships, love, trust, friendship, healing ... and revolution.
There are seven novel-length fics, plus a prologue (to leap and love the fall) and two longer stories (with courage unyielding and the gentle sunlight). The short story collection to journey on contains shorter stories set within the main timeline. All are posted in the correct reading order.
- Words:
- 406,531
- Works:
- 11
- Bookmarks:
- 5,245
Bookmarked by psychoSlaughter
03 Jun 2026
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what we call the beginning is often the end by notesfromtheunderworld
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
11 Jun 2026
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Ron Weasley dies during the Second War. Death comes to collect him but instead of finality, he offers a wager over a chess. If Ron wins, he may go back and change everything.
Ron wins and respawns as his six-year-old self.
Unfortunately, that self comes with war flashbacks, a front row seat to how badly everything went the first time, and the deeply unpleasant realisation that his entire family is basically walking into a slaughterhouse if he doesn’t intervene.
(or, Ron time travel fix it with loads of worldbuilding and a side of dimension travel for funsies.)
Series
- Part 1 of honey in the lion’s mouth
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 67,809
- Chapters:
- 11/19
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 212
- Kudos:
- 947
- Bookmarks:
- 272
- Hits:
- 18,376
Bookmarked by psychoSlaughter
01 May 2026
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In the Event of My Untimely Demise.... by Origami_Roses
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
31 Aug 2025
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Summary
Loki woke in a cold sweat, choking. Hands flying to his (not broken!?) neck, he kicked his blankets aside and looked, wide-eyed and disoriented, at a very familiar room.
His room.
On Asgard.
Which had burned along with the rest of the palace.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,361
- Chapters:
- 15/?
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 1,131
- Kudos:
- 2,563
- Bookmarks:
- 902
- Hits:
- 55,708
Bookmarked by psychoSlaughter
16 Sep 2025