Gifts for returnofthelu
List of Gifts
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Be Sure to Wear Some Flowers in Your Hair by sistermichael for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
19 Oct 2024
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San Francisco, 1967. It’s the Summer of Love and between the hippies, the Vietnam draft, and whatever the hell is going wrong with the sourdough, Guillermo de la Cruz is burning through a LOT of saint candles. The last thing he needs is a tall, handsome, and very weird hippie showing up to place a certain cake order...
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Written for the non-denominational summer celebrational fandom gift exchangional extravaganza 2023 (and finally updating again in late 2024, oops) -
I’m (33M) thinking of leaving my boss (45M) after he helped me get back on my feet by SafetyHazard (ineedapilot) for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
14 Jan 2024
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CONCLUDED
I am not the OOP, OOP is u/GuillermoGoth2000.
Originally posted to r/relationship_advice and r/AmITheAsshole
Editor's Note: This one is a doozy and obviously completely made-up, but I had fun reading the posts so I thought you all should enjoy.
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You've Got Mail: Nandermo Edition by beansprean for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
07 Nov 2023
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Reluctant vampire slayer Guillermo de la Cruz hates Nandor the Relentless, the vampire who has repeatedly slipped through his clutches. When they meet online, however, they begin an intense and anonymous Internet romance, oblivious of each other's true identity. Eventually Nandor learns that the enchanting man he's involved with is actually the one trying to kill him, and how little that seems to bother him. He must now struggle with the burden of knowledge while their fights get progressively hornier.
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10 Things I Ate Instead of You by beansprean for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
06 Nov 2023
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Nandor is tall, handsome, and a bit too desperate, meaning the vampires he sires for love are often beating him away with a stick (sometimes literally). Unfortunately for his roommates, house rules say that they can't have more than two orgies a week unless Nandor has someone too, so strings are pulled to set the lonely vampire up for a romance. But will Nandor's aloofness be enough to win the heart of the effortlessly charming Guillermo? Or will he, like all the others, take his fangs and go?
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Failure to Launch: Laszlermo Edition by beansprean for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
05 Nov 2023
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Guillermo, a 32-year-old brand-new-sorta-not-really-vampire, is content to stay in his half-transformed state to avoid the terror of choosing a side. However, the other vampires know it can't last, and if they want to keep their familiar-turned-friend, they have to use subtle methods. So, they rely on the king of subtlety Laszlo Cravensworth to use his scientific wiles to lever Guillermo out of emotional purgatory.
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The (Nandermo) Break-Up by beansprean for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
04 Nov 2023
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Guillermo and Nandor's third (fourth? fifth?) break-up proceeds to get uglier and nastier by the moment as each tries to keep their luxurious coffin from the other.
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The Vow: Nandermo Edition by beansprean for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
03 Nov 2023
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The tale of a promise that refuses to be forgotten.
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A vampire in the business of science and exploration finds the perfect test subject and begins to school him in the vampiric arts, only to find that separating heart and mind may not be as easy at it once was.
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The Wedding Planner: Nandermo Edition by beansprean for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
01 Nov 2023
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As Nandor's wedding approaches, his anxiety only increases. Everything has to be perfect; if the wedding is perfect, the marriage will be, too! All he has to do is stop being in love with the wedding planner/best man long enough to make it happen.
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While You Were In Super Slumber by beansprean for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
31 Oct 2023
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When Nandor resigns himself to a super slumber, Guillermo resolves to do whatever it takes to be there when he wakes up. Even while Nandor is dead to the world, someone has to take care of him, right?
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Practical Magic: Nandermo Edition by beansprean for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
30 Oct 2023
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Left heartbroken one too many times, Nandor thinks he's probably cursed. A witch helps him craft a spell to tie his ever-seeking heart to someone who doesn't - can't - exist. After all, if he can only fall in love with a fantasy, he can never be hurt again.
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Whatever it is People Go Away For by vampireshmampire (thekumquat) for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
25 Aug 2023
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Did you ever see the 2006 romcom smash hit The Holiday, with Jack Black and Kate Winslet? This is that, but with vampires. Except they're human.
Laszlo is a musician who can't remember how to make things for himself. Guillermo has a cheating ex-boyfriend he can't let go of. They both need a break from their lives, and swapping houses with a stranger sounds like just the ticket.
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i need you baby, to warm the lonely night by Jay Auris (nighthawkms) for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
09 May 2023
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After an accidental luggage mix-up, Guillermo meets a handsome stranger at Nadja's wedding, and lives in the moment.
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too fine to fondle by andiforyou for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
17 Feb 2023
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After an appropriate pause to build suspense, the Djinn finally said, “For each physically intimate act, money will be removed from the pot. There is to be no kissing, touching, rubbing, fondling, squeezing…” and went on to list perhaps twenty dirty verbs in a row.
Guillermo chugged his drink when one brave voice asked, “So, does that include hand stuff?”
Guillermo fills in as an emergency contestant on a reality show for hot, horny singles. Nandor is a hot, horny single. They make it everyone's problem.
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The Big Bloody Bake-Off by IKeepForgettingMyLines for hmjorts, returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
20 Jan 2023
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Guillermo De La Cruz and Nandor “The Relentless” are two intense hobbyist bakers, facing off against each other and five other (not quite as) passionate and culinarily-inclined locals in a fierce competition (aired on local cable TV, no less). After a full week of baking challenges, they’ll see who among them can make the most crave-able confectioneries themed around the spookiest season.
Will the heat of the kitchen prove too much for our competitors? Will affection bloom between bakers as they hash out rivalries in between rounds of baking cookies? Will our hosts manage to stop flirting long enough to interview even a single contender? All this and more, in The Big Bloody Bake Off!
COMPLETE!
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No Place Like Home by ChaoticSmirk for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
08 Jan 2023
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Just a small town boy, living in a lonely world, coming home for the holidays.
Corporate big shot Guillermo de la Cruz returns to his small hometown for the holidays and runs into his old high school crush. There are also lots of flannel shirts.
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The Big Bloody Bake Off by hmjorts for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
03 Nov 2022
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Exchange-a-palooza gift for the lovely returnofthelu: a dorky poster complete with flavor text. Please enjoy with a side of leftover Halloween treats!
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i've been dreaming of a true love's kiss by Jay Auris (nighthawkms) for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV), Enchanted (2007)
05 Jul 2022
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When a fantastical lost prince named Nandor lands in divorce lawyer Guillermo de la Cruz's metaphorical lap, he isn't sure how anybody could buy into Nandor's ideas about true love and happily ever after.
Luckily for Guillermo, Nandor has plenty of convincing musical numbers to get his point across.
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And you're gonna be in trouble.
Or, Lucius is back from the dead and has a score (or two) to settle.
Series
- Part 3 of What the Hell Are You Doing to the Flour
- Part 1 of Our Flag Means Shadows
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Five Times Jenna Saw Too Much (And One Time, Not Enough) by sweatervest for returnofthelu
Fandoms: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
19 Jan 2022
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Jenna never left the house. She’s been invisible the whole time—and she has seen things.