theneph
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Never Mind the Bollocks by The_Sinking_Ship for shiftylinguini
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
31 Dec 2023
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Summary
If someone told Harry six months ago that by autumn he would be single, living on whisky and toast, and dancing the night away with Draco Malfoy, he would have told them to get their head checked.
And yet, here he was.
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Harry Potter is an Unspeakable. Draco Malfoy is the wizard who shagged him. Adventure! Intrigue! Secret identities, celebrities, spies! It's all right here, folks.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 54,117
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 713
- Kudos:
- 17,197
- Bookmarks:
- 5,843
- Hits:
- 370,831
Bookmarked by theneph
18 May 2026
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It’s Pansy’s fault, really, for inviting Draco’s Quidditch star ex and his new boytoy to her wedding cruise. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and nothing is more desperate than asking the only other wizard in England who can compete in both looks and fame to fake being in love with him for seven days.
The fact that Potter is also his boss, roommate, and occasional friend should make it easier.
So Draco has it handled. Everything is fine.
Draco's an exceptional liar and Potter is…well, admittedly Potter is becoming a problem.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 43,160
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 429
- Kudos:
- 2,741
- Bookmarks:
- 741
- Hits:
- 43,975
Bookmarked by theneph
16 May 2026
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Draco discovers he is pregnant after Harry disappears from the wizarding world. Ten years later, Harry returns.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,271
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 65
- Kudos:
- 740
- Bookmarks:
- 175
- Hits:
- 7,176
Bookmarked by theneph
14 May 2026
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Summary
Harry felt Malfoy's breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory.
Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy.Malfoy felt inevitable.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 73,173
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 2,545
- Kudos:
- 47,733
- Bookmarks:
- 11,838
- Hits:
- 979,018
Bookmarked by theneph
06 May 2026