twistedmiracle

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    “It’s okay. I don’t need anything.” 

    “I am not going to eat in front of you while you have nothing, Hollander,” Ilya scoffs. He plucks a can of cold ginger ale from the top shelf as casually as he can manage and slides it over the island, interrupting Hollander’s fidgeting thumbs. “You must be hungry, yes? It’s been hours since you left hotel. I can make something. Easy.” 

    “Make… what?” he asks warily.  

    Ilya rolls his eyes and tosses a look over his shoulder. “Do not worry. I will find something that works for your special hockey diet,” he teases. He reaches back into the fridge. “Tuna melt okay?” 

    “No,” Hollander says primly. “And it’s a disease. Not a diet.” 

    He pulls his hands out of the cold and turns, blinks. “What?” 

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    11 Jun 2026

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    “I’m putting in a transfer request to Carleton this afternoon.”

    Ilya gets off his bike and wraps his sweaty arms around Shane’s sweaty shoulders, presses their sweaty heads together and holds him tight. “Nooo, Hollander, you cannot leave me. Who will put Barrett and Marly in time out when they fuck up too many shots in a row?”

    “I’m sure Bood will do it. He loves bossing people around.”

    Bood stands up straight and salutes his captains. “I take the title with great honor. Enjoy the Ravens, Hollander—your legacy of being a chaste Victorian debutante will be remembered fondly but not carried on.”

    This snaps that last thread of Shane’s refined patience. “I can pick up girls! I have no problem getting numbers and calling them and talking!”

    Hazy smirks. “Innocent until proven guilty.”

    “I can pick people up,” Shane says again, moving off his bike and out of Ilya’s sweaty embrace. “And I don’t have to do it by concocting schemes or stripping on top of the LAX bros’ coffee table.”

    Or, after some team chirping at Shane's expense, Ilya accidentally interrupts a few of his potential dating prospects and then keeps on doing it less than accidentally

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    11 Jun 2026

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    omg your last line slayed me! so fucking funny!!

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    The knee-jerk response, obviously, is a big, fat no fucking way.

    “Dude, c’mon,” Hayden says, slapping his arm. “It’s a rite of passage. You can’t break tradition or you’ll risk a bloodline curse.”

    Shane goggles at his best friend. “You think that I, as a gay, Asian, autistic man, have concerns about following antiquated rites of passage? Or bloodline curses?”

    “I think that you, as someone who has had the same warm-up routine and pregame rituals since they could sing their ABCs, would understand the value in following the rules.”

    Ilya, obviously, says yes. He only lets the WAGs ask first because it’s proper etiquette and he would never do anything to disrespect his posse.

     

    Or, before their wedding, the boys are morally and legally obligated to allow their friends to throw them a bachelor and bachelorette party, which are very different in nature but equally chaotic

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    11 Jun 2026

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    “What’s wrong with the table runner we have now? We like that one. We picked it out together at Pottery Barn.”

    Ilya stops his fussing to smile at Shane. They’ve been living together for two months now, but he still melts every time Shane says words like ‘together’ and ‘we’ and ‘us.’ It makes Shane want to throw him down on the table and eat him alive.

    “Nothing is wrong with it. I love it, because we picked it out together.”

    “Okay… so what’s the deal with finding the table runner my mom got us?”

    “That one matches the flowers I bought, and the new blankets on the couch. We cannot have these people thinking we live like divorced fathers.”

    “Ilya, no one would ever think that. We’re one of the only couples without a toy pile stashed in the corner of the living room. And we keep this house in top shape, because you know I’ll lose my shit if we don’t.”

    “I know that, but they don’t know that! What other conclusion will they come to if our dining room does not match the flow of the rest of the downstairs?”

    Or, Ilya's dream of being Shane Hollander's proud WAG comes to fruition

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    11 Jun 2026

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    “I’m sorry, but my answer is no. Someone else might be willing to switch if you ask.”

    “I can’t believe—this is unacceptable! I’m going to call the flight attendant over and get this sorted out right now!”

    Flustered and cornered, Shane injects his Captain Voice into the conversation. “Ma’am, I understand that you’re upset, but I paid for this seat and am going to stay here. You’ll have to find someone else willing to change places or just fly with the seat you booked. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”

    She hisses like a goddamn tea kettle, and starts to say, “You are the most selfish man I’ve ever—” when another voice behind her says, “You are blocking my seat. Move.”

    Shane and the woman turn to assess the new arrival. It turns out that his seat partner is well above six feet tall, ripped as hell, and knows how to deliver an excellent bitch face. He’s also the hottest man that Shane has ever seen in real life, including a chance run-in with Jensen Ackles at a Stars game.

    Or, still!famous Shane meets non!famous Ilya on a cursed flight from Ottawa to Boston and kind of (totally) falls in love with him at first sight (and first chirp)

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