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Where The Duck Is Minerva McGonagall? by Rogue_Roxy
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
28 Jul 2025
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Summary
Welcome to a somewhat serious inquiry into the whereabouts of a very sneaky witch.
Hermione Granger (badass Auror working for MACUSA) has been summoned back to Britain by Kingsley Shacklebolt to help with an investigation. Of course, Hermione agrees; working with Harry again is going to be so much fun… only, it turns out that Harry is unavailable, and unfortunately, she gets stuck with Draco Malfoy.
Warnings:
- Hold onto your gold; there is a Niffler in this story.
- Draco Malfoy reserves the right to cast Aguamentis at hair he deems offensive.
- Whatever is said in the Cave of Plunderous Intent, stays in the Cave of Plunderous Intent.
- Approach any wine provided by the Icelandic Legend Erla with extreme caution. -
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Summary
It’s 2008 and Draco Malfoy is a secret assassin. It's legitimate - he gets paid for it, and some higher ups in the Ministry (probably?) know he’s out there… killing people. He’s quite good, but that tracks with his dubious accounting of rights and wrongs and his penchant for self-preservation. During his downtime he does a great job of acting like a pureblood in penance... mostly by drinking and shagging his way into oblivion.
This double life helps to numb Draco to the constant feelings of shame and guilt from his formative years in which he was an utter cunt- but everything is upended when his team (assassins can have coworkers, alright?) dies in action and he does not. Suspended and forced to go to therapy, Draco is adrift.
When Hermione Granger re-enters the fray, their hateful relationship that was once fraught with swotty bickering (erm, and the occasional slur) is suddenly tense in a very different way.
How will these two come together? How often will Theo say something terribly charming? Do we hate Ron or is Ron just, meh? Oh, and what’s going on with that one murderous witch who’s out to kill them all (forgot to mention that part…)?
Find out all this and more in: A HARD ROW TO HOE!
Series
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Summary
"On a scale of one to ten, how comfortable would you say you are with me physically?" she asked.
"Zero."
Hermione's lips pursed in annoyance because she really should have seen that coming. How charming that the extent of his arseholery could still surprise her.In which Hermione is determined to find a loophole to free her from a forced marriage with Draco Malfoy. But with only two weeks until they are legally required to consummate, it would be irresponsible not to prepare for every contingency.
Series
- Part 1 of Ten out of Ten and Counting
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Summary
After indulging Ron’s request to take their newly-founded relationship to the next level, Hermione finds herself pregnant just a month after the Battle of Hogwarts. In a post-war society where Pure and Half-blood babies are highly desired, she finds her best option for resolving her situation lies in the hands of the person she trusts least in the world: Draco Malfoy.
Series
- Part 1 of An Imperfect Situation
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Summary
One year after the death of her husband, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger is trying to navigate her way through her loss. While trying to discover who she is without her husband, her friends move through their own forms of grief within their relationships.
