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Caleb envied Frumpkin, he wished he were a fae creature. He wanted to turn into a bird and fly far away or turn into a cat and hide in the forests. Frumpkin had the freedom of another plane, Caleb was stuck here.
For a while he had wanted an escape. Perhaps a never ending sleep or just to fly away, far away. Yet Caleb stayed but he did not know how long he could continue like this. He did not know how long he continue to be with people, with friends, with the Might Nien.
The Mighty Nein were considered his friends. Caleb still felt the need to be more aloof. Caleb didn’t want another family to burn or friends that he could manipulate and he certainly didn’t want someone to worry about him. The Mighty Nein didn’t understand him, they didn’t realize how broken he was. Caleb hid his burns, the reckless scars from spells and self sabotage that became his burn scars, they didn’t need to know.
Meeting Yussa made Caleb realize how cautious he had forgotten he needed to be. Caleb needed to be more hidden so he could live until his goals were met; however, he knew the Mighty Nien would not follow his whims, his conversation with Beau proved this.
Caleb could try to explain, he could try to explain that just being around himself could cause a manhunt or his friends deaths. His friends deaths could be on his hands. He needed the Mighty Nein to be a secret, that would be impossible with such flashy characters like Jester or the loud recognizable Beauregard. Caleb was scared, existing with him meant being on the edge of a possible demise and no one could realize that. Perhaps that’s why he felt the need to leave.
Felderwin would have been nice if not for the burning fields and burnt houses, as well as the layers of guards.
Felderwin would have been better if not the two elves that Caleb could easily recognized as important and powerful. Trent had introduced him to them once at a dinner. As a older and far more grubby man he might not have been recognized but that was a calculated risk Caleb knew he could not take.
The broken and burnt apocathcary is when all hell broke loose. Caleb had a bad feeling as soon as he walked through the door. As he heard the letters being read he felt his stomach erupt and falter.
Caleb knew the chair was just a damn chair but he knew who would sit in it. Caleb knew the screams of those who would sit in the chair. It was all too familiar, all too much like himself. The letters being read from Nott and Jester confirmed it further-
Your People
That’s what snapped him out of his thinking. The tone that Nott carried, this was not the Nott he knew, this was one filled with hatred and sadness.
What?! It’s the people you know and trained with!
The Mighty Nein could now judge Caleb on his actions and past. This was his people and if he continued as he did, Caleb would have caused this. The glares of his friends hit his back as Nott continued with rage and grief.
Well fuck him! It’s your people who have done this to my people!
Nott was right. It was his people, his friends, his peers and his mentors. It was the dreams and nightmares. A flood of memories came back to him as he emptied his stomach. He was the one to blame. He was the one who did this in his past lives. It was him, it was his people. In any other world Caleb could have done this to Nott, Caleb could have been the reason for her pain.
The words of comfort from Caduceus had helped but it was not enough. Anything he heard from Caduceus or even Beauregard could not help him. Caleb had spent far too much time convincing himself that he was unworthy of love and happiness. This had only given him further evidence of his crimes.
Night had came to the Mighty Nein and they were traveling to Yeza’s aid. Caleb hadn’t spoken since the apothecary. Nott had told her own story and they listened. Caleb knew that Nott blamed him, he understood well. Caleb still wanted to help Nott, he still cared even if they would never speak again.
Caleb had understood how much misery he had brought to people when he was young. He realized how much grief he had caused to innocent lives, it was his fault that many had lost friends, families and even children. Caleb also knew that he had a duty to make this right. Caleb didn’t want revenge, he never did but now he would seek it out for Nott. Perhaps Caleb had the power to lure Trent to him and end everything, if Trent died then all the innocent lives lost could have some peace, the lives that might be lost could live and grow. Killing Trent was Caleb's only form of redemption.
In the cover of night Caleb had gotten up and wandered from the fire, he would have to travel a good distance so it would be safe to do this and he knew that this might be the last time he would see his dear friends. He only made it about a minute before he looked back to see a tall muscular figure with hair and pale skin lit by the moonlight. Caleb was surprised to see Yasha standing behind him, a little flower in her hands.
“I had a feeling,” She spoke in celestial, “You would leave… I thought it would have happened sooner”
“Yasha, I can’t be here anymore” Caleb could hear his voice breaking.
“You should,” Yasha’s monotone voice spoke calmly, “You owe that too Nott, you owe it to fix your mistakes”
“You are right and I am a coward” Caleb let out a small laugh, coward and one who decided he would try to kill Trent.
“I am as well Caleb,” Yasha’s eyes drifted to her hands, she held a small flower between her fingers, “I do not know what you have done but I believe we are more similar than different”
“Nein… You are strong and brave-”
“I am afraid to return to my home,” Yasha’s voice broke into a sad tone. Her voice filled with guilt and grief as she ran her fingers over the flower, “I lost one and killed many. They called me Orphan Maker and it was not just a nickname. I caused so much harm to innocent lives and I do not think I can return. I do not think I can face the grave of my love. Why do I deserve to cry after I’ve caused so much pain?”
“Yasha-”
“My love is gone and I cannot face her spirit ever again, I am a coward” Yasha’s voice became stern. This was the most emotion Caleb had seen from her.
“Ja. Your right, unfortunately we are alike”
“Caleb… I will listen without judgement if you wish”
“Very well,” Caleb sighed, “I killed my parents…” And so Caleb told Yasha his own story.
Yasha and Caleb traded tales of the despair they caused. It was a grim connection but they both felt a mutual loss after their destructive lives. They understood each other unlike anyone else they’ve met in the Mighty Nein. Caleb learned how much Yasha wanted to return to her home and Caleb told Yasha of his want of an escape, which turned into a confession of a want to die. They understood each other's pains, Yasha confided in Caleb on how she wished for deaths after her love's death. They found themselves in the company of someone similar yet in any different circumstance they would have never known each other.
Their secrets hidden in celestial let them have a bond and together they made a pact. Together they decided that they both would stay and help Nott find Yeza, together they would stay with the Mighty Nein. They also decided that when it was time to leave they would do so together. Caleb would kill Trent or die trying only with the aid of Yasha. Yasha would lay flowers on the grave of her love and Caleb would escort her or give her someone to talk to. This hidden language brought them closer as friends and companions, two broken souls bonding over the language of celestial and the language of regret.
No matter how their lives would end, they would understand and support each other. They were truly friends.