Chapter Text
“I think that’s the last of the boxes!” Chas calls up the stairs. Aaron and Ed are in their new bedroom at the Mill putting things away. The pair of them share a grin at Chas’s voice.
“How does it feel to be home?” Ed asks, stretching onto their bed. Aaron watches where some of Ed’s shirt lift as he stretches on the bed, a sliver of skin.
“You mean besides having my mum be a giant pest?” Aaron jokes, laying down next to Ed.
“Admit it, you’re happy she’s here bugging you.”
“I do. I’m really happy to be back.” Aaron concedes with a smile. They had been living in France for two years because Ed signed with a French rugby team. But his team and his own merit have started to get the attention of more prominent clubs back in England. The pair of them have started to miss English soil, particularly Yorkshire. The opportunity to play for England again has given them the opportunity to finally move back to Emmerdale, have a home ready once Ed finally signs with a new club.
Aaron enjoyed living in France, but he missed his family the entire time he had been away. Being with Ed made it worth it, but sometimes it was unbearable being so far away. It didn’t take much convincing on Ed’s part for Aaron to make the move back to Emmerdale while Ed finished up the season in France. They have been dating for three years and have settled into a very comfortable relationship.
“Oh I see how it is, I do all the work whilst you two just laze around!” Chas huffs good-naturedly, standing at the doorway with her hands on her hips. Aaron and Ed smile at each other and reluctantly get out of bed to follow Chas out of the bedroom and downstairs back to the living room and kitchen.
Chas is nattering away the entire time they put the kitchen stuff away. Aaron knows she is over the moon to have him back, and he is happy to just listen to her go on. Ed shoots Aaron a couple of well-meaning eye rolls with a smile on his lips, it makes Aaron want to give him a kiss on those lips. So he does, right in the middle of one of Chas’s complaints about Charity.
“Aw you two.” Chas teases, “True love if ever I’ve seen it.”
Ed laughs and wraps his arms around Aaron, placing a kiss on his head. It’s slightly embarrassing having Chas make a comment about their relationship, but he takes it in stride.
They continue unboxing and putting things away until Ed’s taxi is calling. He has to be back in France for a match, leaving a reluctant Aaron behind. “I wish you didn’t have to leave,” Aaron says against Ed’s lips.
“I’ll be back before you know it,” Ed promises, kissing Aaron one final time, and waving goodbye to Chas. She’s grinning at Aaron when he comes back but says nothing. They get most of the kitchen sorted and put away by the time Chas is not so discreetly hiding yawns.
“Go on, get out of here, I’ll finish up.” Aaron says after Chas’s fifth time of yawning and clutching her back in pain.
“Better not try to unbox everything on your own. Everyone will want to help ya tomorrow, okay?” Chas says pointing a finger at Aaron’s chest.
“Okay mum,” Aaron laughs. He had missed his family and his mum, even if they will be overbearing come tomorrow. Chas is out the door with a wave of her hands and the promise of coming over in the morning.
The Mill is eerily quiet after she is gone and Aaron is alone. He wished Ed could have stayed at least one night before having to go back to France. It doesn’t feel like he’s home. The quietness makes Aaron consider Chas’s earlier statement. He’s not sure if Ed is his one true love, but he does love him. Aaron has only been in head over heels in love once. He’s not an overly romantic person by any means, but he always felt he only had one chance at being in love and that was with Robert Sugden.
Robert Sugden. That’s a name Aaron has buried and allowed cobwebs to settle on in his mind. Aaron was only seventeen, but he can still see freckles and that beautifully charming smile. He can still remember when that smile was downturned as he broke Aaron’s heart.
*
Robert slowly makes his way down the streets of Leeds, feeling sluggish. The past month has been spent preparing for the machinery convention his company is hosting, and Robert, as estate manager, has taken the bulk of the planning. He just wants the week to be over and finally be done with it.
The cool November weather has had trees shed their leaves onto the sidewalk. Soon, the December rains will make this walk unpleasant - having to dodge other pedestrians with their umbrellas. But right now, Robert is enjoying the crisp weather, the last of fall before winter.
Soon, Robert makes it to a building with the sign ‘ Little Ducks Daycare ’, marking his destination. He pushes through the door and is greeted by the receptionist, Amelia.
“Hiya Robert.” She greets pleasantly. She starts filling out the sign out paperwork as they make idle conversation. Amelia works Monday through Friday, the days Robert comes, and they have formed a friendly enough relationship. “That convention thing is tomorrow, ain’t it?” She asks, turning the paperwork for Robert to sign.
“Yes, can’t wait for it to be over.” Robert replies as he signs the paper. Just as Amelia is about to respond, the door to the back opens and another employee walks out holding five year old Seb’s hand.
Seb’s face brightens up immediately seeing Robert, shaking out of the employee’s hand and running to him. “Daddy!” Seb shouts. He squats down and lets Seb tumble into his arms.
“He acts like he hasn’t seen you in weeks.” Amelia jokes. Robert laughs and gives Seb a small kiss to his forehead before standing up. There is no question that Seb was a daddy’s boy, but it just makes Robert love him all the more.
Amelia tells Robert how Seb behaved for the day, and he is pleased to hear there really wasn’t any trouble. Robert thanks the ladies in the daycare, and they’re off back to their flat. Seb chatters the entire walk home, telling Robert about his day and the friends he made. Seeing Seb like this endears Robert more than anything in the world.
Seb and Robert moved to Leeds a year ago after Rebecca and her family passed away in a car accident. Seb was barely four years old when they died, and understandably, he had taken the death very hard. He had separation anxiety for months after the fact and barely allowed Robert to leave Seb alone. Robert decided to move them to Leeds shortly after her death as a means for a fresh start. Now five years old, Seb has started to really grow into himself and be the happy kid he was before Rebecca’s death.
Despite the year they have been in Leeds, Robert has not mustered up the courage to reach out to his family. He had made so many excuses to himself as to why it’s a bad idea, but it really comes down to the fact he wasn’t ready to speak to them.
Robert is thirty-three years old. He left the village fourteen years ago and has never looked back, not even when Jack died. That was the last time he had spoken to Victoria. She had been heartbroken and disappointed in him when he refused to go to the funeral, but Robert had just found out that Rebecca was pregnant. Now it’s been almost six years since he had spoken to his family, and they don’t even know about Seb.
Robert loves Seb with his entire being. When he first held his little boy in his arms, he had given what remained of his heart to Seb. But Seb is all that Robert has. He has a job he’s good at but not necessarily in love with, a flat, and his son. He is satisfied with life but he’s not sure if he’s completely happy .
*
A brochure lands on Aaron’s table at the cafe one morning in November. It’s a brochure for some machinery convention, and when he looks up he sees Adam grinning at him. “What’s this, then?” Aaron picks up the brochure, giving it a quick skim.
In the two months Aaron has been back in Emmerdale, he and Adam started a scrap business together. When he first got back, he thought he would just ask Cain for work at the garage, but Adam had proposed that the two of them go into business together instead.
Starting a business together wasn't exactly a pipe dream, Aaron had money saved during his time in France working as a mechanic, and Adam sold his share in his family farm giving them a healthy start for their business. Ed helped too, kicking a few thousand pounds their way. Aaron had felt uneasy about accepting the money. They weren’t married and despite the time they’ve been together, they’ve not shared bank accounts. But Ed had kept insisting, calling it an investment into their future. That Emmerdale was their future. It still made Aaron unsure, but he did like the idea of investing in their future.
“We want that car crusher, yeah? Reckon we could go check it out, maybe find one on the cheap.” Adam explains, taking a seat across from Aaron.
“Leeds, though?” Aaron makes a face simply to wind Adam up. The convention does sound like a good idea. Their business has been going well, but it’s starting to slow because they don’t have the means to go after bigger scrap without better and bigger equipment.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning while you think about it.” Adam says, patting Aaron’s shoulder and walking out of the cafe before Aaron can make a smart comment back.
Come the morning, Adam is blaring the horn of his car to get Aaron out of the Mill. The drive to Leeds is quick and they’re parking Adam’s car along the street outside the conference center. Men and women in suits are crawling in the space once they get into the center. Booths and vendors line the space, each displaying their different machinery. It’s slightly overwhelming but exciting.
Aaron and Adam make a plan of splitting up and attacking each side of the center to get as many contacts as possible. With any luck, they’ll be walking home with a car crusher. The day drags on, there are a lot of potential vendors who are interested in Holey Scrap. But so far none that are selling a crusher at a reasonable price.
Aaron is chatting with some vendor he knew he wasn’t going to remember their name when he sees him. But...it couldn’t be, he reasons with himself. It’s too much of a coincidence. He quickly ends the conversation and makes a quick escape from the booth.
“Excuse me, the man over there,” Aaron stops one of the workers and to points to the booth he saw him, “What’s his name?”
“I believe that’s Robert Sugden he’s the estate manager for…” But Aaron stops paying attention to second she says Robert’s name.
Aaron can’t breath - feels as if all the air has left the room and focus on Robert. It can’t be , the rational part of his brain says. But...the face, that smile, it’s unmistakable. The worker is still saying something to the right of him but it doesn’t register as Aaron continues to stare at Robert.
Almost as if someone was controlling him, Aaron begins to walk to the booth Robert is stood. The ambient noise of the conference center drown out the voices, but as Aaron gets closer, he hears it. That rich voice, exactly the same. There’s no denying it, this is his Robert Sugden.
Aaron stands a little away from the crowd as Robert is giving some kind of presentation about agricultural machinery. He gesticulates as he’s speaking and it makes Aaron want to cry - he’s exactly the same as he was ten years ago. His hair is more closely cut to his head than his floppy cut from ten years ago. It makes Aaron feel a little mournful to the days he would run his fingers through it. His face shows no obvious wrinkles, save for some crows feet around his eyes. Aaron bites the inside of his cheek - it’s unfair how beautiful Robert looks.
His presentation comes to a close, a few people walk away and others linger to ask him questions. One person, who stands in front of Aaron, lifts their arm to ask a question. Robert turns to the person, but his eyes land on Aaron. His face almost instantly pales, as if he’s seen a ghost.
Aaron knows the feeling.
Robert stammers his way through the answer, but quickly dismisses the rest of the crowd. The crowd disperses and Aaron just stands there, watching Robert, feet glued to the ground.
“Aaron?” Robert finally manages to get out. His voice cracks at the ‘-on’ part of his name. But the voice manages to break whatever spell Aaron has been under since the minute he saw Robert.
“Robert.” Aaron says back.
“It is you.” Robert huffs out an incredulous laugh. “I...what are you doing here?”
“I own a scrapyard. Thought this would be a good place to get contacts.” Aaron says somewhat hysterically. He can’t believe this. This surreal conversation, when all he wants to do is attach himself to Robert and never let go. He quickly looks at Robert’s left hand, and the relief he has not seeing a ring there. Not that that means anything, considering Aaron isn’t married but he’s with Ed…
“Yeah? That-that’s great Aaron.” Robert says with a nod, and god the way he says Aaron’s name makes him want to melt. Robert takes a look back at the booth, Aaron hadn’t noticed before, but there’s another employee at the booth. He’s standing behind the table looking at the pair of them with mild curiosity. “Listen, want to go grab some coffee right now?”
“Yes.” Aaron replies immediately, mentally kicking himself with how eager he probably sounds. It’s pathetic. It’s been ten years for god’s sake. Get a grip , Aaron chides himself.
Robert excuses himself to talk to the other employee, who looks between Aaron and Robert before nodding. Robert grabs his things from behind the desk: an expensive looking overcoat and a messenger bag. “Let’s go.”
He doesn’t lead them to the refreshment area of the center but towards the exit. There’s a local coffeehouse across the street when they exit and Robert heads to it. Aaron is almost running to keep up with Robert’s long strides.
They’re silent as they stand waiting to order their drinks. But the body heat from Robert is enough for Aaron to be keenly aware of his presence. It’s all very ordinary - standing in line to order coffee and not as all as absurd as it really is: being reunited with his long lost lover.
Robert insists on paying - an americano for himself and a mocha for Aaron. Once they’re sat with their coffees, they take a moment just to stare at each other. To take in the magnitude of this moment.
“I really can’t believe it’s you.” Robert exhales with a smile. “It’s been ten years.”
“Yeah.” Aaron agrees dumbly, unsure what to say. Now that they’re here, Aaron is at a loss as what to say.
“Do you live in Leeds?” Robert asks, apparently more than okay with taking charge of the conversation.
“Ah, no. Came up for the convention, didn’t I?” Aaron starts hesitatingly. “Actually...I live in Emmerdale.”
Robert looks stunned at Aaron’s revelation. His eyes grow wide and his mouth hangs open for a split second, before closing it and opening it again. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. Just moved back. But I’d lived there for seven years after we…” Aaron trails off.
Aaron and Robert had met in Liverpool but when they got to know each other, they found out they had a common link in Emmerdale. Aaron was saving money to make it down there when he had met Robert.
“I still haven’t been back.” Robert softly confesses, scratching at his chin thoughtfully. There’s something else on his face that Aaron can’t decipher.
“I moved to Leeds about a year ago from London.” Robert offers. “Might eventually reach out to Vic and Diane. Dunno when though.”
“You’ve been in London this whole time?” Aaron asks.
“Oh...no.” Robert starts. “Did a lot of travelling. Was always moving around for a long time. I settled back in London five years ago…” Robert continues talking, but Aaron momentarily zones out, just taking in Robert.
Aaron had met Robert when he had been placed in Liverpool for an exchange for some work thing. They met when Aaron was working at some shitty Tesco bagging groceries in the beginning of the summer. Robert had moved back to London at the end of the program at the end of the summer, the two of them more than a little in love with each other. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and now they’re here, in a random coffeehouse in Leeds.
“...but now I’m settled here, and Seb really seems to like it here. And really, that’s all that matters.” Robert finishes and Aaron feels like an ass because he has no idea who the hell Seb is or what he was talking about. Judging by the way Robert phrased it, it makes Aaron think maybe Seb is Robert’s dog. So he nods like he’s been listening and not living in his memories.
“Have you dated a lot since us?” Robert asks after a beat of silence. Aaron is truly impressed they waited this long to broach the subject.
“Well I wasn’t going to be celibate, was I? But no, not a lot. Nothing that really-”
“Sticks.” Robert finishes with a knowing look. Aaron knows he should correct Robert. Ed and Aaron are much more than something that ‘sticks’.
“Listen, d’ya fancy getting some food?” Aaron asks instead. He doesn’t want this moment to end, and still has so many questions he wants to ask Robert. Robert looks eager to agree before his eyes fall to his watch.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” Robert apologizes, draining his americano. Aaron probably looks as crestfallen as he feels, because Robert pulls out a square tin with a reassuring smile. He opens it to reveal business cards and he hands one to Aaron. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I want nothing more than to spend the rest of the day with you. But I have to go.” Robert explains softly. He reaches out to touch Aaron, but almost as if remembering himself, he pulls away.
Aaron wants to tell Robert he can touch him if he wants - it’s where Robert’s hands rightfully belong. For a fleeting moment, he thinks of Ed, before picks up the business card Robert gives him.
“Ring me, yeah? Or drop a text.” Robert says with a soft smile on his face. Aaron can’t believe this is his reality: speaking to Robert, being in Robert’s presence. Robert nods once and pulls on his overcoat. Just before he leaves, he does touch Aaron, a soft press of his fingers to the back of Aaron’s neck.
Aaron refuses to watch Robert walk away. The last time he did, Aaron never saw him again. Instead, he looks at the business card. It has the company’s name, and under it, in tidy letters, Robert Sugden Estate Manager. Aaron smiles forlornly. So much time has passed. Aaron wants to know how Robert got this position, what he’s been doing these last ten years, his life story.
His phone buzzes with a text from Adam asking where he ran off to. Aaron pockets the business card and gives Adam a ring so they can head back to Emmerdale, sans a car crusher but with so much more.
*
When Aaron gets back to The Mill, he maniacally tears through his closet. He chucks everything out as he finally finds a little chest he hasn't opened in years. Ten years to be exact.
Shaking a little, Aaron opens the chest. Neatly put together are letters Robert had sent him when he went back to London.
Love letters.
Aaron would fall asleep reading those letters until he would have them memorized. Then Robert would send another one starting the process over.
But atop all those letters was a piece of thread that once sat encircled around Aaron's left ring finger. He still remembers when Robert had given it to him. The memory burned into his head forever.
"This might be crazy, but will ya marry me?" Robert asked, using his elbow to get up and look down at Aaron. They had spent the afternoon laying on the grass gazing at the clouds.
Aaron chuckled unbelievably, "You what?"
"I mean it. Will you marry me?" Robert repeated, looking intently at Aaron. It was one of the things he loved about Robert - his intensity.
"That's not even possible for people like us." Aaron said. He knew in the bones of his body he probably did want to marry Robert, which is daft since they've only known each other for a short time. Still, these weeks have been the best times of his life.
"Okay, then when it's legalized, you'll marry me?" Robert asked again.
Aaron pretended to consider it, just to see Robert’s reaction. “Say yes,” Robert clutched at Aaron urgently.
"S'pose it's a good way to make sure we're still together by then." Aaron grinned. Robert looked around to make sure no one was around and then he leaned down and kissed Aaron.
“Say it.” Robert demanded when they pulled away from each other, but there’s a soft look on his face contradicting the urgency of his words.
“Yes. Yes I’ll marry you.” Aaron laughed, reaching up and kissing Robert again.
"We need rings." Robert said after pulling away from Aaron. He grabs the edge of the blanket they’re laying on and rips a piece of thread from the tassels. He ties it into a circle, and with a grin, slides the thread down Aaron’s finger. "Guess you're stuck with me, Mr. Sugden." Robert teased.
"Is that so, Mr. Livesy?" Aaron teased back, feeling giddy and unreal. The makeshift ring stayed on Aaron's finger the entire summer. He would sometimes play with it, a smile on his face. But most of all, he loved to call Robert his fiance, even if it was just to each other.
Aaron sighs mournfully as he remembers that day. They were so in love even though they hadn’t known each other that long. Aaron had ran away from his father’s home, and landed in Liverpool of all places. He had been living in Liverpool for a year before Robert walked into the Tesco.
Before their relationship could even take off to be the all-consuming love Aaron knew it could be, he found out about Chrissie. Chrissie White, the daughter of Lawrence White. The excessively wealthy and prominent figure in the business world. Robert was engaged to Chrissie, had been since the beginning of the summer, before Robert left to Liverpool and met Aaron.
When Aaron had found out, he slid the thread off his finger and gave it to Robert wordlessly. Robert had looked broken-hearted and refused to take it.
If there was a truth Aaron wholeheartedly believed when he was a kid, it was that he was unworthy to be loved. His mother walked out on his family, his father abused him in the worst possible way. By the time he had met Robert, he had been jaded and angry and felt unlovable.
Robert had opened his heart in a way he didn’t think was possible. He was so happy and carefree that summer they were together. They hadn’t known each other two months before Robert proposed to him. Aaron, being the naive fool he was, thought maybe he could be worthy of love.
When he had found about Chrissie, Aaron didn’t fight for Robert - resigned to the fact he didn’t deserve the love that he and Robert shared that summer. Robert had sent those letters after their disastrous end in a bid to show Aaron they were good, that Chrissie didn’t mean anything and they could be together after Aaron could save enough money to meet Robert in London.
Aaron knew after Chrissie, he would never be going down to London, the betrayal too raw and too much for a jaded kid like Aaron. Yet he kept those stupid letters because he wanted to believe that maybe someone did love him.
The thread ring was slightly frayed when Robert had torn it from the blanket but it was the only damage to it. Aaron’s not sure why he’s kept both the letters and the ring after all these years - perhaps he’s more sentimental than he thinks. He lugged that little chest around flats and homes he’s lived in, but it’s the first time he’s looked at its contents since he carefully compiled everything and locked it away.
Aaron’s phone vibrates on the bed when he flung everything on there in his bed to find the chest. Shaking out of his memories, Aaron digs under the pile of clothes and junk to find a text from Ed.
Gonna have to stay here for an extra week. I’ll call when practice is over xx
Instead of responding to the text, Aaron digs out the business cards he had received from the convention. At the top, Robert’s sat. There’s an office number and a mobile number that Aaron quickly inputs into his phone and saves it.
Hiya. It’s aaron. Wanna grab a pint sometime?
Aaron puts his phone down before he second guesses his decision. To keep from staring at his phone, he cleans the mess he’s made. The chest, he puts in the nightstand on Aaron’s side of the bed. Vaguely, Aaron finds it strange to call it his side when Ed hasn’t slept in this bed since they’ve moved in.
*
Robert is rushing through the streets, but he feels distracted. Aaron Livesy. He had not thought about him in so long and being confronted with him again after so many years almost felt earth shattering.
The beard was unexpected, but suited Aaron well. He had lost a lot of that chav look - the tracksuits gone, his shaven hair grown into soft curls atop his head. Robert doesn’t think he himself has changed all that much so it was shocking to see how different Aaron looked. But he was still inherently Aaron which is how Robert was able to recognize him despite the difference in appearance.
He wished they had seen each other sooner, had a little more time before Robert had to rush off to pick up Seb. He’s still rushing to get to the daycare, but it was worth that fleeting moment with the man who was the love of his life ten years ago.
He’s almost out of breath by the time he makes it to the daycare. When he walks through the door, Amelia is there to greet him.
“Hiya. Sorry about the time.” Robert apologizes to her.
“That’s okay. How did the convention go?” She asks friendly enough. She fills out the sign out information before handing it to Robert to sign.
“It was....fantastic.” Robert replies, thinking of Aaron, and signing the sheet. She looks a little surprised by his answer. Before she comments on it, Seb is being walked out. As always, Seb gets excited seeing his dad, and runs over to him.
With a smile, Robert says goodbye to the ladies and they are on their way back home.
When they get back to the flat, Seb runs to their breakfast island and climbs onto one of the barstools giving Robert a cheeky grin. They’ve settled into a routine that after he picks Seb up from daycare, they make tea together. Seb ‘helps’ by watching Robert cook at the island and gives his input on certain food items.
Right before Robert sits down next to Seb, he sees a text from an unknown number. His face splits into a smile when he reads that it’s from Aaron. And even better, it’s an invitation to see each other again. He quickly responds, smile still on his face.
A pint sounds great.
Where and when?
it was so good to see you.
Robert is not a double texter, never mind a triple texter, but he couldn’t help it. He feels a little like a teenager again, asking out his crush. He pockets his phone after Seb is asking Robert to join him at the table to eat.
*
Aaron plays nervously with the coaster his pint had been sitting on. The condensation has weakened the papery coaster enough for Aaron to start peeling and picking at it. Robert should have been here half an hour ago. Aaron had suggested a pub in Hotten as a middle ground for the two of them.
But now, he’s starting to feel foolish for even having suggested they meet up. Aaron thought Robert was just as keen to see him. But so far, he has not texted Aaron telling him he was running late or got held up. Aaron is more than halfway through his pint, and once he’s done with it, he’s going to head back to Emmerdale with his tail between his legs.
More time ticks away, Aaron is deliberately taking his time to finish his pint. He’s stopped looking up every time he sees the door open and instead trains his eyes on the tabletop. The wet coaster has eroded under Aaron’s nervous ministrations, a small pile of paper crumbs is all that is left.
“Hiya.” Aaron snaps up, the voice immediately recognizable. Robert is standing over the table with a smile, looking down at Aaron. His face is flushed, Aaron’s not sure if it’s because of the cool November air or another factor at play.
“Was wondering if I was gettin’ stood up.” Aaron grumbles. Robert’s smile doesn’t falter as he winces at Aaron’s bitching.
“Yeah, sorry about that.” Robert says but offers no other explanation as to why he was late. He comes to sit next to Aaron instead of across - pressing his thigh against Aaron’s. Aaron doesn’t pull away.
“That’s alright. Started without you, though.” Aaron lifts his almost empty pint. He contemplates telling Robert it was his timer just to be facetious.
“Then the next one’s on me.” Robert says, divesting his overcoat and getting up from the table before Aaron can say anything. He walks to the bar and Aaron admires his retreating body. Robert orders and turns around to look at Aaron, his back against the bar. He’s being more blatant in the way he’s looking at Aaron - either the setting gives him more confidence than a coffeehouse, or he feels more spurred on because they’ve been texting every day since they met again.
The bartender impatiently interrupts Robert’s starting by pushing the pints by Robert’s arm. Robert gives his card to the bartender and walks back to where Aaron is sat, not breaking eye contact.
“Cheers.” Aaron says once Robert places the pints down. Robert once again sits next to Aaron. They fall into an awkward silence afterward. It’s more charged than when they were at the coffeehouse. Like they’re both expecting something from one another but unsure how to get it.
But it’s also awkward because Aaron is itching to ask about Robert’s past, he’s just not sure if he’s allowed. They’ve carefully avoided past topics while they’ve been texting, focusing instead on innocuous things that happened during the week.
“So-” Aaron starts.
“Are-” Robert says at the same time.
They both chuckle but Robert makes the ‘go ahead’ gesture with his hand. “You know I’m going to ask about Chrissie.” Aaron says softly. But by the way Robert pulls a face, he probably wasn’t expecting it.
“What about her?” Robert asks.
“What do you mean ‘what about her’? She’s the whole reason we broke up!” Now it’s Aaron’s turn to pull a face.
Robert remains quiet. He’s making this face Aaron recognizes, where he’s weighing his words before speaking. “When she came up to Liverpool and found us together...that was it. She broke it off and she had packed all my things when I made it back to London.”
Aaron sits there, a little stunned by what Robert is saying. “That’s not how you made it seem.”
“No.” Robert agrees. “I was a wreck when I got back to London. Homeless. Embarrassed about people knowing about my sexuality. Chrissie hardly kept it a secret. After finding a flat, I spent a good few weeks drunk every night.” Aaron nods with a sour smile. They were unable to acknowledge their sexualities when they first started dating and even after their ‘engagement’. It was after Aaron moved to Emmerdale that he finally accepted himself. He wonders how long it took for Robert to accept it.
“I clung to the hope you would take me up on the offer of coming down to live with me in London. After a few of my letters came back unopened, I snapped out of it and went up to Liverpool to beg you to take me back. When I got there, your landlady said you had left. Didn’t know where to.” Robert chuckles bitterly. “Should’ve known it was to Emmerdale.”
Aaron tries to swallow around a lump in his throat. “You came looking for me?”
“I did. You were it for me, Aaron. I wanted you. I still want you.” Robert takes one of Aaron’s hands into his own. When Aaron was young and stupid, he used to think their hands fit like a jigsaw puzzle. Looking at their enclosed hands, he thinks he may want to revisit that notion. It felt right, holding Robert’s hand.
“Is this okay?” Robert asks and it makes Aaron want to cry.
“More than.” Aaron murmurs back. It feels strange, knowing what he knows now. For ten years, Aaron believed Robert gave up on them after Chrissie found out. Yes, the letters were proof that Robert still wanted Aaron, but he had always thought Robert just wanted him as a bit on the side. And the fact that Robert came to Liverpool looking for him changes things too.
Aaron couldn’t take the letters and loneliness any longer and finally had enough money to make it down to his family in Emmerdale. What would have happened if Robert had come before Aaron left?
They sit there, quiet and lost in their memories, just holding each other’s hands. Neither one of them say anything. Robert rubs his thumb across Aaron’s hand and slowly leans forward towards Aaron. He does nothing to rebuff him as Robert presses his lips to Aaron’s. And it feels like coming home.
Aaron takes his hand away from under Robert’s to cup his face, maneuvering to get even closer to Robert. Robert wraps his arms around Aaron and deepens the kiss. It’s firey and different than the shy but loving kisses they shared their summer together. Time has given them both experience and Aaron feels his breath being taken away both literally and metaphorically.
When they break apart, Aaron rests his forehead on Robert’s shoulder, breathing heavily. Robert still has arms around Aaron, and he’s rubbing his hands up and down his back in a soothing manner. Everything around them has faded away, and all that matters is this moment between them.
“Come back to mine?” Aaron asks boldly, turning his head to look up at Robert. Robert quirks a regretful smile, and Aaron knows the answer before Robert even speaks.
“Not tonight.” Robert predictably says. “Not with Diane and Vic there. I can’t do it.”
Aaron removes himself from Robert to look at him properly. “I get it.”
“I’m sorry.” Robert says, “And with Seb…”
“Robert, I get it.” Aaron firmly says, but not unkindly. Aaron doesn’t mind dogs, but apparently Robert feels weird about it, so he’s not going to push it. They share a few more kisses, and leave the pub when last call is announced with the promise they will see each other again and soon.
It’s not ideal that neither one of them can go to the other’s flat, but carrying on with Robert in the first place isn’t ideal either. This should be an indication Aaron should stop this before anyone gets hurt. Especially Robert.
But...Robert came looking for him ten years ago.
*
Robert and Aaron continue to see each other. Meeting in Hotten is the best situation for the pair of them, Robert not feeling comfortable going down to Emmerdale so he doesn’t have to sneak in and out of Aaron’s flat, but also not ready to introduce Aaron to Seb if he were to come to Robert’s flat in Leeds. It works for now, but it’s becoming apparent they both want to spend more time with each other, every evening they spend a little longer than the last.
Then, when they don’t see each other, he and Aaron text everyday. It puts a permanent smile on his face. His coworkers have been teasing him and even Amelia makes a comment about his changed demeanor.
He can’t help it. He hasn’t been this happy in a long time. There have been two moments in Robert’s life that were the best times of his life: when he held Seb for the first time and when he proposed to Aaron. Now those two worlds have collided, of course he’s happy.
Their first date had been better than he expected, and it felt good to clear the air about things in their past. Robert had noticed a change in Aaron when he found out that Robert had gone back to Liverpool. He never regretted going to look for Aaron, he only ever regretted getting there too late. It seemed Aaron had regrets too, but now that they’ve found each other again, those regrets can be eased.
He’s sitting on the couch, Seb curled next to him as they watch some campy kid’s show, when his phone vibrates. It’s Aaron. Untangling himself from Seb, he walks out to his balcony.
“Busy?” Aaron’s voice comes through when Robert answers.
“Just watching tv with Seb.” Robert replies, looking inside and sees that Seb is still engrossed with the show. Aaron laughs aloud at Robert’s response. It warms Robert, even if he’s not entirely sure what’s so funny.
“Listen, I overheard Vic and Diane earlier. Said something about going to Hotten to have dinner. Thought maybe you wanted to come on over to mine. Don’t have to worry about sneaking.” Aaron suggests.
“Is that so?” Robert purrs back, knowing exactly what Aaron is suggesting.
“What do you say?” Aaron coyly asks.
“I say, I better get a move on to your place.” Robert grins. Aaron tells Robert he lives in the Mill before hanging up.
Robert scrambles to get his sitter to come watch Seb as he also tries to get ready. They were both quite clear what was going to happen this evening, and Robert just hopes he can get back to Leeds before the sitter will charge him an exorbitant fee. The thought makes him feel giddy, but also guilty. He had planned on spending the evening with Seb.
But Seb seems unconcerned by Robert getting ready to leave. He’s been starting to feel less anxious about being away from Robert which is the only reason Robert even feels comfortable leaving him with the sitter. Seb comes and sits on Robert’s bed with the firepad that Robert had given to him for his fifth birthday.
“Are you going to be a good boy tonight?” Robert asks when the sitter gets there in record time. Seb gives a mischievous grin but nods innocently. Robert knows better than to believe Seb’s smile. He likes to pretend to be bad, but every person who has sat for Seb has never had any big issues with him. He gives Seb a quick kiss and is out the door.
Adrenaline is coursing through Robert the entire drive. He makes it in an astounding twenty minutes. While he’s proud he made it there so quickly, it’s also a reminder how close his family is to him, and for the second time this evening, Robert feels guilty.
It’s strange pulling around Emmerdale. The village he has not seen in years. The winter sun has blanketed the village in twilight leaving it lit only by street lamps. Robert is thankful the Mill is slightly detached from the village - he doesn’t think he would see anyone he recognizes, but he’s glad he can hide away with Aaron.
When he rings the bell to Aaron’s flat, Aaron immediately ushers him in. It’s not until they’re inside, secured behind closed doors that Aaron pushes Robert against a wall and kisses him senseless.
“Took ya long enough.” Aaron teases when he pulls away.
“I’ll have you know I got here in excellent time.” Robert teases back.
Aaron laughs and shakes his head. “Beer?” Aaron offers, which Robert accepts. It gives him time to look around the flat. It’s open and homey, but decorated in a way that Robert wouldn’t have pictured Aaron living in. Although, the only frame of reference Robert has is the shittiest flat imaginable that Aaron rented in Liverpool. Robert hated that flat with a passion, making Aaron come over to his work issued flat.
He sees a picture frame on the mantle of the fireplace. Curiosity gets the better of him, going over to take a look. It’s Aaron and another man: they’re both grinning at the camera standing below a finish line. Aaron looks happy and carefree with the other man, who is fit in his own right, but not Robert’s type. He hears Aaron’s footsteps come back to the living area, two beers in hand.
“Where was this?” Robert asks, taking the offered beer and placing the picture back on the mantle.
Aaron chews at his lip for a moment. “Monaco. Went to the Grand Prix last year.”
They talked about Aaron being in France. Robert doesn’t know the exact reason for leaving to France and returning, but he does know Aaron spent some two years there. “Nice one.” Robert settles on with a smile. He doesn’t care much about the other bloke, but it’s clearly a cherished memory to have displayed. It makes sense, given Aaron’s love for motors and racing.
Aaron doesn’t say anything in return, but goes to sit on the couch. He spreads his thighs out obscenely, but gives Robert an innocent look. Robert grins, walking over to Aaron, he places his beer on the coffee table and sits next to Aaron. They are both fooling neither one with their blase attitude, but Robert is feeling playful.
“Tell me about the race.” He murmurs, reaching over to Aaron’s pants and unbuttons the top button. Aaron quirks an eyebrow.
“What - ah - do you want to know?” Aaron stutters when Robert pulls out his hardening dick and strokes it.
Robert moves off the couch to kneel in front of Aaron, “Everything.” Robert replies, then takes him deep into his mouth. Aaron groans, shifting, but Robert holds his hips down. Robert never did this when they were together, too embarrassed and scared. Now, he’s determined to show Aaron the tricks he’s learned in ten years.
Aaron tries to say something to answer Robert and continue this game, but Robert doubles down in his efforts, hollowing his cheeks and taking as much of Aaron’s dick as he can. Aaron is writhing and fisting his hands around the upholstery of the couch. Right before he’s about to come, he taps Robert’s shoulder but Robert ignores it in favor of swallowing as much of Aaron as he could.
Robert looks up with his eyes half lidded to Aaron, who looks completely blissed out. He rests his cheek on Aaron’s inner thigh and looks at him, “Where’s the bedroom?”
*
They lay next to each other, sated and satisfied. The sex was worth the wait, and Aaron doesn’t feel an ounce of shame or betrayal with it. Robert’s phone rang twice earlier but he had ignored it, electing to focus on Aaron, but it chimes out yet again. Robert groans before rolling over to reach for his phone. “Christ,” He mutters as he reads the notifications.
“Bad news?” Aaron asks, watching Robert’s face frown in concentration.
“Yeah, it’s Seb. Apparently he’s been sick all evening and been crying for me.” Robert sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Aaron wants to laugh of the neediness of this dog.
“He tell you that, did he?” Aaron jokes. Robert had already gotten out of bed and tugging on his jumper, but he stops to give Aaron a funny look.
“No, his sitter did.” Robert says slowly, but Aaron’s not sure why he’s acting like Aaron is the idiot. Who gets a sitter for a dog just for an evening?
They stare at each other for a few seconds before Robert speaks again. “Sorry, have I not told you about Seb?”
Aaron feels like he’s missing something, “I thought you had, but now I’m not so sure.”
Robert heaves a heavy sigh, and sits back down on the bed, placing a gentle hand on Aaron’s leg. “Seb is my son.”
For a moment, the world stands still and Aaron says nothing. Robert is looking at him expectantly, yet no words come out.
“Okay.” Aaron finally says after a long and awkward silence. It makes sense, given the way Robert talked about Seb that it wasn’t a dog. But the fact Robert has a kid makes this all the more real and heavy.
“I hate to drop this bomb on you and then leave. But I do have to go.” Robert says apologetically. Aaron nods, still processing the fact Robert is a father.
“I want to talk about this. Can we? Later, I mean.” Robert continues, standing up and tugging his trousers back on.
“Okay.” Aaron says again. Robert finishes dressing, and looks at Aaron, who is still laying in bed naked.
He walks back to Aaron with sad eyes. “Come on over tomorrow. I’ll text you my address?”
“Okay.” Aaron says for a third time, feeling like a broken record. Robert hesitates, but bends down to give Aaron a kiss. He smiles at Aaron but then is out the door. Aaron gets up and looks out the window, watching Robert sneak into his car to avoid being seen by any of the villagers despite the lateness of the night.
Later, after Aaron tosses the sheets into the laundry, he sees two texts. One, from Ed, informing Aaron he’ll probably be getting into Emmerdale tomorrow evening. The other, from Robert, is his address to his flat in Leeds.
Reading Ed’s text, Aaron wonders what the fuck he’s doing. He wonders why he doesn’t even feel ashamed of the fact he slept with another man the day before his boyfriend is coming back home.
*
Aaron is filled with nerves as he drives to Leeds. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this. It’s still early enough that he can get to Leeds and back to Emmerdale before Ed gets there, none the wiser.
When Aaron comes into Robert’s flat, he’s impressed with the space. The front door opens into the living room with french doors that lead to a large balcony space and lets in most of the natural light into the flat. The kitchen is situated to the left of the front door, large cabinetry line the walls and there’s a grand stone island with barstools. There’s a hallway across from the kitchen that Aaron assumes where the bedrooms are located.
But amongst all the space is the very real presence of a child. In the kitchen, a child’s artwork is tacked on the stainless steel refrigerator. The living room, toys and small clothes scattered on the couch and floor. It’s this sight that makes Aaron fully realize that Robert is a dad.
“This is nice.” Aaron comments as Robert lets him in. Robert looks momentarily bashful but accepts the compliment.
“Seb is asleep in his room, still feeling sick, he’s sleeping off his fever. Let’s go outside.” Robert says, leading them to the doors. The terrace is lined with hedges atop half walls to act as a sound barrier between flats. There’s a bistro table set that Robert places two mugs on. Even more toys are out here - heavy durable plastic toys that most likely stay outdoors all the time, judging by the sun faded colors.
“Hope you still take your brew the same.” Robert nervously says, toying with the handle of his mug. Aaron has never seen him so vulnerable. He’s not sure he likes it.
“I do, ta.” Aaron says, taking a sip of his tea. Robert smiles and takes a sip himself.
“So er...is the mum still around?” Aaron starts when it becomes apparent that Robert is too nervous to begin.
“No. Ah…” Robert looks deep into the mug, as if it would give him the words he needed to say. “No, Seb’s mum was Rebecca, Chrissie’s sister. But she died in a car accident a year ago.”
Aaron doesn’t know where to begin with this revelation. He feels the cool breeze on his face, and hears faint voices coming from the street. “Oh.” Aaron finally settles on dumbly.
“I’m going about this all wrong.” Robert says cynically. “Let me start over. After I found out you weren’t in Liverpool anymore, I was in a bad way when I got back to London. I started drinking again and fucking around, and I slept with Rebecca. She always had a thing for me when I first got with Chrissie so I used that to sleep with her. I didn’t see her again until three years later, then we started something very casual. It never became something more. We were on and off for a while, she was always sprinting off to a new destination. Sometimes, when I had extra cash on hand, I’d join her in these exotic places.” It sounded all loved out and perfect and Aaron feels bitterness overtake him.
“Then she got pregnant and the travelling ended. She came back to London and we tried to make a go of things. But we were never one for monogamy. We broke up for good right before Seb was born. She gave me primary custody because she still wanted to travel. She always loved Seb, she just...never wanted Seb. Then over a year ago, she died in a car accident. Her whole family, actually.” Robert looks out the balcony, a faraway look on his face. Aaron takes Robert’s hand that’s sitting next to the mug, and gives it a small squeeze.
Aaron had always known about Robert’s bisexaulity. When they were ‘engaged’, they had talked about it. Robert had never been with a man before Aaron (and Aaron hadn’t either), so they talked about past relationships. It didn’t bother Aaron at the time, he thought maybe he was bisexual too but that was still because he was in denial of his own sexuality.
After their relationship had fallen apart, Aaron had started disliking the very idea of bi people. He had subscribed to the misconceptions of bi people being greedy and not being able to make up their minds. It’s been years since Aaron felt that way, however. He knows it’s not a choice, much like his gayness isn’t a choice.
“Daddy?” A small voice breaks the silence that has fallen between Robert and Aaron. He looks over to the french doors and sees a little boy, who looks exactly like Robert. He’s peeking his head out of the door, hiding himself behind the door frame. He’s looking shyly at Aaron, his face is red from both the nap he had awoken from and the fever, Aaron’s guessing.
“Come here, Seb.” Robert says, beckoning the boy over. Seb eagerly throws the door open and runs over to Robert. He climbs on top Robert’s lap and buries his head in the crook of his neck. He peeks over to look at Aaron before burrowing his head again. It’s all very sweet, but it makes Aaron feel out of place.
“Are you feeling better?” Robert asks, stroking Seb’s back. Seb nods into Robert’s neck but says nothing. “Can you say hi to my friend, Aaron?”
Seb finally stops peeking over to Aaron, and looks at him properly. Aaron was right, he is almost a spitting image of Robert. He gives Aaron a small smile, “Hiya Aaron.”
Aaron returns the smile, “Hi Seb.” Seb ducks back into Robert’s neck, obviously bashful that Aaron knew his name. Robert is looking at Aaron with a softness in his eyes, and it makes his heart beat quickly.
He isn’t ready to do this. Be friendly to this child who belongs to Robert. It still feels very strange and Aaron needs to wrap his head around it. He abruptly stands, making excuses that he needs to go now. Robert frowns, still stroking Seb’s back, but accepts Aaron’s excuse. Aaron manages to say bye to the two of them, and is out the door. His heart is hammering and he feels a little overwhelmed.
Aaron’s heart hasn’t calmed down by the time he’s pulling into the Mill’s driveway. In fact, it doubles down, when he sees Ed’s rented car parked in the driveway.
Get a grip , Aaron tells himself when he parks the car. There’s a lie already on his tongue when he comes through the door. Ed crowds his space, unconcerned with Aaron’s tardiness and gives him a right kiss.
“I missed you.” Ed sighs against Aaron’s body, and Aaron shakily wraps his arms around Ed.
“Yeah, me too.” But all Aaron can think about is the boy Seb and his father.
*
It’s been two weeks since Aaron was over at Robert’s flat, and he has not heard from Aaron during that time. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t concerned. He’s texted Aaron a few times but haven’t heard anything back. He keeps replaying the moment on the balcony, and wonders if actually seeing Seb scared Aaron away.
He’s tried to keep busy, decorating the flat with Christmas decorations and lights. Him and Seb put up two trees. One, decorated perfectly as Robert wants it to be, and the other for Seb to decorate the way he wants. Seb’s tree is smaller and placed on the coffee table in the living room, while Robert’s is larger and sits between the french doors and the hallway.
Robert is throwing a net of lights over the balcony hedges when his phone starts vibrating in his back pocket. His stomach drops when he sees that it’s Aaron calling.
“Hiya.” Aaron’s tinny voice says when Robert answers and it washes over Robert.
“Hiya. Thought maybe I scared you off.” Robert confesses, clutching at the phone.
“I’ve been busy with work and family, soz.” Aaron pauses, “But you didn’t scare me off. Actually, I was calling because when I got home earlier, I saw in the post an advertisement for a fun fair. Thought it’d be a laugh for us to take Seb.”
Aaron’s words make the blood in Robert’s veins sing. “Are you serious? You want to do that?”
“Sure. He’s your son, innit he? I don’t want to put you out with always having to get a sitter when we see each other.” Aaron says like it’s the most practical thing in the world.
“I never would want to force him on you…” Robert says softly. He hopes Aaron doesn’t think he has to do this now that he knows about Seb.
“You don’t have to. I want to meet him properly and get to know him.” Aaron firmly says.
Robert smiles with tears in his eyes. Aaron’s heart has always been so generous, it’s one of the many things Robert had loved about him when they first were together. It seems the years haven’t done much to dull that generosity. “Let me ask him, and I’ll let you know what he says.” Robert promises.
They ease into idle conversation, catching up on the two weeks they hadn’t spoken. Robert’s relieved that it’s just that Aaron was busy that he was silent, and not because of Seb.
*
The fun fair is surprisingly packed despite the cold weather. Holiday decorations have lined the fairgrounds, with santa, elves and other festive costumed employees milling about. Seb is overwhelmed with excitement. Every time he starts to walk to something, there’s another thing that catches his eye. It’s amusing to Aaron seeing this child act so excited and happy. He keeps pulling Robert’s hand and talking - the opposite of how he was when Aaron first met him.
There’s a booth lined with stuffed toys as the prizes and Seb’s eyes immediately widen, taking in the toys. He starts begging Robert if he could win the elephant for him, which is the biggest of all the stuffed toys.
“I don’t think I can win it…” Robert starts doubtfully. It’s a ring the bell kind of game with a mallet to use.
“Spend too much time in a cushy office to test your strength, then?” Aaron teases. He pushes past Robert and hands the barker some cash to try it out. After spending months hauling scrap and even years as a mechanic, a game like this will be easy to win.
Seb lets go of Robert’s hand and follows Aaron, it’s funny how quickly he abandons Robert in favor of Aaron. Aaron picks up the mallet and hits the spring as hard as he can. The puck goes up the tower and hits the bell immediately. But in order to win the elephant, he has to hit the bell two more times. Seb is watching him intently, the hero of today’s outing. Aaron hits the bell a second time and Seb is practically vibrating with excitement. Even Robert comes next to Seb to cheer Aaron on.
Feeling the pressure of wanting to win, but also impress Seb and Robert, Aaron feels his palms get a bit sweaty. He misses the third time, but gets one more chance, which he manages to hit. Seb immediately starts cheering and goes to pick out the large elephant.
Seb is chattering with the barker, when Robert comes over and trails his hand along Aaron’s arm. “Looks like being a scrapper comes in handy,” Robert murmurs softly, sending shivers down Aaron’s spine. Robert immediately pulls away when Seb turns back with the elephant in hand.
“Here ya go Aaron.” Seb thrusts the elephant to Aaron with a gigantic grin on his face.
“What are you talking about, it’s yours.” Aaron laughs, pushing the stuffed toy back to him. Seb’s eyes light up, but he looks hesitatingly to Robert, who gives him an encouraging smile. The smile spurs him on and he wraps his arms around the toy. It’s a large toy, about half the size of Seb, but he doesn’t let it go the rest of the day’s outing. He clutches it when he goes on the rides, puts it between Robert and himself when they ride the bumper cars, and places it on the bench while he waits for Robert to go buy him candy floss.
“Thank you Aaron.” Seb says all bashful while they wait for Robert to come back.
“No problem little man.” Aaron says, feeling strange. He’s not sure where ‘little man’ comes from, but it obviously pleases Seb, who looks even more happy after Aaron says it.
Finding out Robert had a son freaked Aaron out. The two weeks after, Aaron tried to forget about Robert, devoting all his energy in being the best boyfriend to Ed and spending more time at the scrapyard. It was too much. He had selfishly pursued Robert again because it felt right after the ten years apart, but after hearing Robert had a kid, it seemed all too serious. Seeing the advert for the fun fair broke his resolve pretty quickly. Aaron was calling Robert before he could finish going through his post.
Robert comes back with the candy floss, taking a chunk out before handing it to Seb. They walk once more around the grounds as Seb finishes his candy floss. But soon, the sun isn’t doing much to stave off the bitter cold winds and they have to usher into Robert’s car back to his flat.
When they get back to Robert’s flat, Seb goes straight to his room to play with the elephant Aaron won for him. Robert had been complaining about the cold weather messing with his knees and hobbles to the couch to stretch out his legs, wincing at the pain.
“Don’t laugh, this will be you in a couple of years.” Robert grouses when he sees Aaron’s amused expression. He’s gently massaging his knee, sighing at the relief. Aaron goes and sits next to Robert, pulling Robert’s legs onto his lap.
“Give it here, old man.” Aaron teases, batting away Robert’s hands and begins to massage the knee himself. Robert reclines so his back is to the arm rest and closes his eyes. Aaron kneads the gnarled knee and Robert hums softly as Aaron’s finger work carefully. Aaron hears Seb down the hall talking to himself, most likely as he plays with his new stuffed toy.
“Thanks for today.” Robert says, opening his eyes to look at Aaron. “Not just for taking care of an invalid like me, but the fun fair, too. I know Seb really enjoyed it.”
“He’s not the only one.” Aaron replies, feeling affection rush through him at the sincerity of Robert’s words. He wanted to make a good impression on Seb, even if he didn’t fully understand why.
“Today has made me think.” Robert continues. “I’ve been thinking about maybe reaching out to Vic and Diane.”
Aaron, for the briefest moment, stops his ministrations. He resumes his massage as quickly as he stopped, but his heart is hammering, “About?”
“I don’t know, everything I guess. They have a right to meet Seb, and Seb deserves to know his family. Plus, you'll keep having to come up here because if I do stay with you, I have to sneak out before anyone is up. It’s not fair to you that you're coming up here to meet me.” Robert explains softly.
“I don’t mind coming up here to see you.” Aaron says, latching onto the last part of Robert’s explanation. He wants to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible, panic of potentially ruining this begins to gnaw at him. “I like this. You, me, and Seb. Maybe I’m selfish, but I want to keep it just us for now.”
Robert gives a small smile and reaches to place his hand on Aaron’s hands. “I get it. Okay, but only for a little longer.” Robert says, and all Aaron can do is nod.
Robert’s knees start to feel better after taking a paracetamol and they cook tea together, standing side by side. Seb ventures out of his room when he smells the food, and sits at the island watching them cook. Aaron has these nerves coiling in the pit of his stomach the entire evening.
He knows he’s being incredibly selfish, trying to prevent Robert from talking to his family. But the potential that Robert could mention Aaron to them would ruin everything. He doesn’t want to give this up, but as soon as they know, everything could go up in flames. The thought makes him feel quiet for the rest of the evening. If Robert picked up on the shift of his mood, he makes no comment on it.
*
After Aaron leaves - ruffling Seb’s hair, and dropping a kiss to Robert - Robert walks down the hall towards the bedrooms. He can still hear Seb’s voice as he plays with the toys. He pauses at the frame of the door, careful not to distract Seb. Seb has stuffed toys scattered around the room, the elephant in the middle. He’s making voices for all the animals, a story made up in his mind.
Seb is so caught up in his world and story that he doesn’t see Robert for a few minutes. When he finally looks up, his face brightens and gives Robert his toothy grin that endears Robert so much. Robert crosses through the threshold and sits next to Seb, his long legs sprawling over the floor and knocking a few animals over.
“Didja have fun today?” Robert asks, picking up one of the toys and making it give Seb a kiss on his cheek.
Seb laughs at Robert, batting the toy away from him, but nods, “Yes! And I love Mister Elfant.” Seb grabs Mister ‘Elfant’ and gives it a squeeze and a kiss. Robert wants to ask what Seb thought of Aaron, but didn’t want to make it seem like that was the only reason he came into the room. So, he takes one of the animals and plays along with Seb’s fantasy world.
They play for another hour before Robert makes Seb get ready for bed. He puts on his footie pajamas and Robert goes to tuck him in.
“How did you like Aaron?” Robert finally asks when he gets Seb into his bed.
“I liked him a lot!” Seb enthuses, “He won Mister Elfant for me.”
“He’s nice like that, isn’t he?” Mister Elfant is in bed next to Seb, no doubt his newest prized possession.
“He’s the best!” Seb replies with another of his toothy grins. Robert kisses the crown of Seb’s head and starts to tell him a bedtime story - Aaron a closed subject for now. Seb is half asleep by the time the story winds to a close. Robert flicks the light off on his way out and crosses the hall to his own room.
The day had been the best in Robert’s recent memory. When he first told Aaron about Seb, he could see the panic in his eyes and Robert worried that it would be the end of their new reestablished relationship. But Aaron offering to take Seb out and be interested in him proved Robert wrong.
When Rebecca died, Seb was understandably so very affected by it. He slept in Robert’s bed for half a year after her death, terrified he would lose his other parent. Seb had only ever known his parents separated, but the loss of Bex was unfair for a four year old. It was only recently Robert has had his bed to himself, Seb is finally coming out of his shell. He wonders if it was too soon to introduce Aaron to him.
But Robert and Aaron...they’ve always been so intense with each other. They were ready to spend the rest of each other’s lives with one another ten years ago. Robert knows he needs to keep a solid head on his shoulders for Seb’s sake. But Robert vaguely knows he can’t date casually anymore. He’s a dual package with Seb, and who he dates are potential parents for Seb. He has to be aware of that, and Robert knows he should let Aaron be aware of it too.
Robert can see why Aaron wants to keep their relationship to themselves, but at the same time, Robert doesn’t want to go back in the closet now that he’s finally free of it. He has spent too much time worried and conscious of how people thought of Robert. Now that he’s out, he has shed some of that. He will let Aaron set the pace for now, but he won’t be making the same mistakes that he made when they first dated.