Chapter Text
Mikasa slowly walked down the wide, empty hallway of the palace as she made her way to the Royal Chambers on a Sunday morning. The refreshing sunlight pierced through the broad glass windows, and all she could hear was the clicking of her heels against the marble floor and the muted chatters of the staff. In an ordinary day, she would have loved the peace and quiet.
But not today.
Today, she wants the noise, the distraction to keep her from her thoughts and worries. She wants to drown out her inner voice sensing trouble, screaming at her to run to the opposite side of the palace and hide. But Mikasa’s no coward, so she continues to walk, albeit at a significantly lagging pace. She thinks she’s walking into her impending doom, like cattle about to be slaughtered.
Of course she’s exaggerating. She simply received a note last night that her parents wanted to talk to her, and given how impersonal the message was, she figured that they wanted to speak to her in their capacity as rulers of Paradis. Some parents, huh?
At first, she never found this whole princess business bothering. What’s wrong with being born into a job and her parents sometimes acting like her bosses? But as soon as she discovered how normal family dynamics worked, it occurred to her how restricted and confined her life is inside the palace walls, her destiny already plotted in laws and traditions, leaving no room for her to blaze her own path. To everyone, she will always be Mikasa, the Crown Princess.
At times, she longed for a different circumstance where she would grow up in a normal household with just her parents and her older brother living peacefully in the woods, experiencing the most normal childhood her young mind can imagine.
But she has gotten past that, too. Now, her pride as the next Queen of Paradis is on the line. In fact, she is now at the marrying age, having turned eighteen six months ago— and since then her parents have been breathing down her neck and watching her every movement like hawks.
Because she still has no one to marry. And the Governing Ministers and Royal Advisors are now panicking.
It is explicit in the canon laws of Paradis that the Crown Princess must marry before she turns nineteen in order to be eligible to succeed the throne— otherwise, she might trigger a constitutional crisis, which, if Mikasa was really being honest with herself, is something that she’d rather face, than marry some random boy she barely knows.
But of course she can’t go down in history as the only Ackerman Crown Princess who cannot find someone to marry, because that is utterly ridiculous. And nothing short of humiliating.
It’s not that Mikasa is undesirable. In fact, it’s completely the opposite— even stripped of her royal privileges, she is still one of the most beautiful women in the country. Her face is a perfect blend of her mother’s Oriental heritage and the sharp but refined features of Ackermans, her naturally silky, ebony hair falling past her shoulders is a point of envy for women in Paradis, and she is quite tall and extremely fit for her age. It is not an exaggeration to say that she’s a deity walking amongst commoners. Nobles from across lands and neighboring countries have expressed their interest to send their sons to court her, and her parents even gave her the freedom to choose any boy she likes, or else—
Anyway, she tried to choose. By gods, she really did. Her governess-turned-trusted assistant, Petra, even provided her a book with a compilation of all of her suitors, with their respective photographs and personality profiles. But as soon as she met them in person, she found that each one was either dumb or weak. No one is smart enough to hold an interesting conversation with her. They can’t even keep up with her when she invites them to spar, and she can’t have any one who cannot put up a fight with her— that’s the barest of all her bare minimum standards. She knows can’t spend the rest of her life with someone boring as hell. Simply unacceptable.
Mikasa had been harboring these thoughts racing on her mind that she was surprised to find herself now facing the door to the Royal Chamber. She took a deep breath, and sent a silent prayer to Sina, Rose and Maria that this meeting is not about her marriage, before twisting the door handle and entering the room.
In the sitting room, she found her mother, Queen Kuniko Azumabito, seated on the couch and gently fixing her older brother Levi’s sleeve, who was seated beside her. Her father, King Liudolf Ackerman, was in his favorite armchair, hidden behind today’s newspaper. Everyone was dressed rather casually, and Mikasa had the most insane feeling that this was an act they pulled off, most likely to make her comfortable— at least they had the courtesy to acknowledge that this isn’t a conversation she is excited to have.
She bowed to her parents and greeted them with a kiss. Levi glanced at her warily as she sat in the armchair across from her father.
“So, you called for me,” she began.
Her father cleared his throat, folding the newspaper and leaned back on his chair. He observed her for a while, surveying her general demeanor, then glanced at his wife and son before looking at her again. “Dear, I don’t want to beat around the bush because that isn’t the way of the Ackermans. We need to discuss your marriage choices. Or the seeming lack thereof.”
She may have prayed too late.
She shut her eyes for a moment and breathed heavily, ignoring the worried stares of her family.
“I’m sorry about that. But Dad, I promise you I will find someone soon. Just give me more time.”
“Dear, you’ve promised that three months ago,” King Liudolf deeply sighed. “I hate to exaggerate, but this matter is of utmost national importance. You’re almost nineteen. We cannot leave this matter in your own hands anymore. Even if we find someone tomorrow, the wedding preparations will be tightly scheduled already.”
“Petra informed me you still haven’t chosen anybody from that ridiculous book of yours,” Levi remarked.
Her throat went dry, unable to muster counterarguments to her family members. Dammit, Petra. She felt like a cornered animal, wounded by her family’s attacks, and she knows her father is ready to pounce again any moment now, in three… two… one.
“We have arranged for us to meet the family of the boy you are betrothed. They will be coming here tomorrow. The boy has agreed, too.”
Mikasa went rigid in her chair as the words tumbled out of her father’s lips. Sure, she had anticipated that her father would do whatever it takes to find her a groom— which she would have found funny under normal circumstances because aren’t fathers supposed to be hesitant to give their daughters away?— but this is too soon. She fiddled with the fabric of her dress, like she usually does when she gets nervous. But anger is spreading in her chest, too, feeling betrayed that she was not informed of this decision ahead of time. Isn’t she the one getting married here?
“Mikasa, honey. I know eighteen is too young to get married these modern times. But the Constitution’s words have not changed in a hundred years and the crown will not pass to you if you don’t get married soon. Ah, have you forgotten the wishes of your grandfather before he passed away?” her mother gently coaxed her out of her silence.
She wanted to scream out to her parents that, of course, she perfectly remembers. She loved her grandfather dearly, but when she received his letter addressed to her after his death, she swears she lost some love for the old man right then and there.
“… I have promised your hand in marriage to the descendant of the family of doctors who saved us from the epidemic thirty years ago. We owe that family so much. They now have a grandson your age, too. But fret not, my dear. This will only be so if you don’t find someone to marry before you turn nineteen, and if the boy agrees… I pray, my sweet child, that you grant the last wish of your grandpa. ”
At this point, Mikasa recognized that she’s in a bind here. Or as her classmates would like to say— positively fucked . The situation is crystal clear: she needs to get married, but she can’t find anybody she wants, so the arranged marriage takes effect. Looks like her grandfather had conveniently arranged a marriage as a contingency in case she ends up humiliated for having no romantic life.
She wanted to laugh out loud, if only the situation wasn’t getting ridiculous by the minute.
“The family is an honorable one, if you are worried about it. Your grandfather would not just want anybody marrying you. That family’s patriarch saved him and your grandma,” the Queen spoke again.
“He’s a commoner, too, so this will be really good for our image to the public. We want to show that we’re one with them,” the King added.
“You haven’t spoken, Mikasa,” Levi pointed out.
Mikasa realized that for a while now, she has been staring at the flowers in the vase at the table in front of her. Clearly her mother’s handiwork. She finally lifted her head to face the expectant faces of her family.
“Did you just say tomorrow?”
“Yes, dear.”
“You never bothered to notify me ahead of time.”
“We are running out of time.”
“I haven’t even agreed.”
“You still haven’t found someone.”
Mikasa could not help but glare at her father, who at this very moment is also giving her the cold look of a formidable king. She can hold staring contests with Levi, but her father is an entirely different opponent.
In this palace, her father’s word is the law.
The Queen could only look at them helplessly, distress evident on her pale features. Even Levi remained silent, knowing he was not in the position to interfere.
Nonetheless, the King looked away first and waved his hand to a folder in the table. “Here’s a file of the boy we’re going to meet tomorrow. Please make an effort to at least get to know his family.”
She made no move to respond to her father’s statement and blatantly ignored the folder. Why even bother at this point?. Her opinion no longer mattered. If she cannot change any of these , then at least she deserves to be stubborn right now and throw a fit the Mikasa Ackerman way.
“I feel tired, Your Majesty. I will retreat to my chambers for the rest of the day.”
Mikasa stood up, bowed to her parents who felt like strangers to her at this moment, and left the room.
“You weren’t in your chambers so I figured you’d be here.”
Mikasa turned her head to find her older brother approaching her in the garden bench. She has been sitting here for hours now, trying to calm herself and think clearly after this morning’s events.
She has declared this hidden garden at the back of the palace as her own space, a sanctuary of sorts whenever royal life becomes too much for her. The surrounding flowers meticulously tended by the gardeners keeps her relaxed, and soon enough, the staff have made it cozier for the Crown Princess who sits there often.
Levi sat beside her and ruffled her hair.
“I’m sorry, Mikasa.”
Well, what a surprise. This was the last thing she imagined Levi would say to her after her improper behavior earlier. He never failed to stress to her the importance of etiquette and dignity as a monarch.
She hummed, trying to hide her surprise. “What for?”
Levi stayed silent for a moment, contemplating if he should continue to speak, but did so anyway. “If I hadn’t abdicated the throne, you wouldn’t be in this position, having to marry someone you never chose for yourself.”
Mikasa peered at her older brother, and she could faintly see hints of guilt in his eternal poker face. He probably thinks she blames him, which is something Mikasa had never thought of even once. Truthfully, she is forever thankful that she gets to stay in their home with her brother forever guiding her, instead of being sent away to a foreign land to marry another boy for some political alliance. Even if this means that she will have to shoulder the burden of the crown.
Mikasa smiled at her brother. “What are you getting sentimental for? There’s nothing to be sorry about. I know you’re more a leader of an army, rather than a leader of a country, and I guess Mom and Dad knew that too. That’s why you’re now the Commander of the Royal Guard, right?
“Besides, you would forever regret it if you abdicated the throne too late. And you never regret your choices.”
Levi snorted in amusement, a small smile forming in his lips. “Since when did you become so wise, brat?” Their quiet laughter was tinged with melancholy.
”Listen, Mom and Dad are worried about you. They feel bad about this, but they cannot compromise the institution, especially now when public opinion is volatile. Plus, it will plunge the country into an economic and political crisis, if other nations find out that succession in Paradis is in disarray.”
“I understand. I know I acted childish earlier, I’m sorry,” she replies solemnly. “It’s kind of my fault too, you know, for failing to find someone.”
“Tch. It’s not your fault for having high standards.”
Mikasa stared at her older brother. Levi has always been on her side, and she knows she will be needing him more from now on.
“Will you be there when we meet the family tomorrow?”
“Of course. I need to see if I need to beat the shit out of that brat,” Levi said, pulling Mikasa into a rare embrace.
“Come on, let’s have our meal, and then rest. You have school tomorrow.”
One of the attempts of the royal family to appear more accessible to the public is to have the royal children attend high school. It’s one of the things Mikasa looks forward to everyday, as she gets to be a normal teenager around the friends she gained over the years.
Of course, it was expected at first for her classmates and even teachers to walk on eggshells around her. It seemed like a gargantuan task for everyone to treat her as normal as possible. Worse, Mikasa is lacking in social skills herself, tending to stay on her own during free periods just to avoid cautious looks from everyone. It was a sure way to be misunderstood by her classmates.
But things eventually started to get better when her classmate, Sasha, sat beside her one time at lunch, and asked her if she could try Mikasa’s dessert. (Mikasa was never given the chance to respond, since Sasha suddenly snatched her favorite pudding.) She then invited Mikasa to sit with their other classmates, and shamelessly asked how palace meat tastes like. Mikasa has found a true friend in Sasha, who never made her feel like she’s any different. And for that, she is indebted to her.
Soon enough, she was packing lunch for two so as to let her friends try the food she brings to school everyday. Her classmates are now more relaxed around her, Connie and Jean even teaching her some cuss words and popular expressions such as “Holy fuck!” and “That’s so basic.” Now in her senior year, she has become friends with almost all of her classmates.
“Mikasa!” Sasha yelled, waving as she approached Mikasa in the school gate, Connie trying to keep up beside her.
Sasha grabbed Mikasa into a tight hug. She always gets away with the crime of touching a royal family member without their consent.
“Hey. Good morning, Sasha, Connie.”
The three of them walked side by side on their way to their classroom.
“I missed you a lot. You were out of school the whole week. Where were you? Royal duties?” She peered at her while taking a bite out of her sandwich, then gasped dramatically. “You look horrible.”
“I wasn’t able to have a restful evening.”
Connie snickered. “You sound like an old lady in need of a cane with your choice of words, Mikasa.”
“Shut up, Connie, can’t you see she’s tired?”
Her companions bickered all the way, Mikasa not bothering to shush them as she feels lethargic from her lack of sleep, simply dreading for this day to come. They soon entered their chatter-filled classroom, and Mikasa made her way to her desk beside the window. Armin was already seated on the desk beside hers and waving to them.
“Good morning, Mikasa!”
Armin’s grin was so blinding that she nearly squinted, but she forced out a small smile for him. “Good morning, Armin.”
Their Physics teacher, Dr. Zoe, soon arrived and started their lecture. They droned on and on about formulas and theories and Mikasa can’t seem to focus, the words jumbled in her brain, and her eyes are getting heavier by the minute and she’s nearly dozing off…
Then without warning, the classroom door banged opened, and everyone flinched in surprise. Sasha’s scream filled the room, Armin let out a tiny squeak, and Mikasa jolted awake and sat straight, appalled at herself that she almost slept in class.
A brown-haired boy with emerald eyes entered the classroom gasping for breath, bullets of sweat trickling down his face.
“I’m really, really sorry, Dr. Zoe! I got late because I missed the bus and—“
Huh . Eren Jaeger, the bane of Mikasa’s existence, is surprisingly late for class. Eren Jaeger has never been late for school, because he takes his studies seriously.
But today, he looks like he ran miles just to get to school on time. He appears to have had a sleepless night too, the dark circles in his eyes making his face look ten times haggard.
Not that Mikasa cares, because Eren Jaeger neither cares for her too. In fact, he always made it a point to let Mikasa know that he hates her. He once confronted her out of nowhere during freshman year by saying how the royal family are a bunch of hypocrites, and Mikasa attending regular school is simply the height of hypocrisy, when several teenagers underground can’t even go to school. Mikasa, surprised at Eren Jaeger’s unexpected verbal attack, punched him in the face, to the shock and astonishment of their classmates (Annie even winked at her after that). No one dared to report her to Principal Smith, not because she is the Crown Princess, but because they think Eren Jaeger went too far.
Since that incident, they never looked at each other once, and Eren Jaeger pretends that she doesn’t exist (but he glares at her whenever he gets the chance). For the past four years that they have been classmates, he only addressed her as “that girl” and he never talked to her despite Mikasa becoming one of Armin’s best friends. Really, Eren Jaeger only joins lunch with them because Armin doesn’t want him to eat alone.
On one thought, it baffled Mikasa to no end how Armin and Eren Jaeger ended up being the best of friends. Armin is smart, polite, and kind, while Eren Jaeger is the complete opposite— brash, violent, and always gets into fights with Jean. Just one prime example of how opposites attract , Mikasa thinks. Oh, look, she actually picks something from Dr. Zoe’s Physics lectures every morning.
“It’s alright, Mr. Jaeger. Just don’t give us a heart attack next time. Come in, please take a seat.”
“Thank you!”
Dr. Zoe resumed their lecture, and Eren Jaeger began to walk to his desk behind Armin (a desk way too close to Mikasa, much to her distaste)— but not before briefly looking at her with wide eyes.
Mikasa was startled at his expression, because Eren Jaeger only scowls at her. But today, Eren Jaeger looked confused, and he blushed profusely as he looked away.
Huh. Eren Jaeger, the bane of her existence, is weird today.
As soon as school ended, Mikasa went home to prepare for the official visit. The palace was busy getting ready for dinner with (possibly) the future Crown Prince and his family. Rico, the Private Secretary of the Royal Family, went crazy with the preparations, and she’s been running back and forth making sure that everything is going smoothly in the drawing room, in the kitchen, and in the dining hall. Mikasa realized that the last person who got engaged (albeit unsuccessfully) in the palace was her brother, nearly ten years ago.
In her chambers, Petra fixed Mikasa’s hair in a simple knot and put on a small silver tiara. She wore an off-shoulder knee-length burgundy dress that accentuated her body shape. . She may be against this whole business of arranged marriage, but Mikasa wants to make a good impression on (possibly) her future in-laws that she will be meeting for the first time.
“I sense that you’re nervous,” Petra whispered softly as she fixed Mikasa’s necklace.
“Of course I am. I haven’t seen this boy, and I don’t even know his name.” Mikasa can feel her hands getting clammy with each passing minute. She belatedly regrets not having looked at the boy’s file. “What if he’s unpleasant? What if he’s an eyesore?”
“Honey, I’ve seen his photograph, and he looks handsome.”
“Really? Will I get floored? Annie taught me that word.”
Petra chuckled at the Princess’ surprising choice of words. “You’ll see. Now, come on. It’s time.”
While waiting for their visitors in the drawing room, Mikasa sat on the couch between her parents. They both smiled at her, the King lightly squeezing her hand.
“Thank you for doing this, Mikasa. Even if yesterday was a bit of a disaster.”
Mikasa was about to say something when the butler announced the arrival of Grisha and Carla Jaeger.
Jaeger? Did she just hear that correctly? Or was it Kruger?
Rico entered the room with a tall, slender man with dark brown hair and green eyes beneath the spectacles, holding the hand of a beautiful woman with long black hair and big, amber-colored eyes.
They kissed the King’s hand, bowed to the Queen and the Crown Princess, and sat on the couch in front of the royal family.
“Commander Levi just had a quick word with the boy,” Rico addressed the King, to which he nodded in acknowledgment.
“Grisha and Carla, right? Thank you for making time for this meeting, we know this has been quite without ample notice,” King Liudolf addressed their visitors.
The man, Grisha, responded with a smile. “It’s no problem at all, Your Majesty. We are very honored to meet the Royal Family. My father spoke highly of you and the former King.”
“We are also very excited to finally meet Princess Mikasa, since our son already had the pleasure of meeting her,” the woman, Carla, added.
“Ah, yes, it is such a beautiful coincidence that they are of the same age and have already formed a bond at school,” Queen Kuniko said, to which the two women laughed.
Mikasa started to get suspicious of the exchange, her brows furrowing in confusion as she tries to understand the flow of conversation.
She has met this boy? At school? That’s impossible. No one approached her to speak to her about this.
Hold on.
Was it really Jaeger she heard earlier? Because she only knows one boy with such name, and she doesn’t even want to think of him and his scowling face, which, Mikasa realized, looks suspiciously alike to their visitor, Carla.
That boy… becoming her…?
No. No way. That’s plainly unthinkable. That boy would never, ever want to have anything to do with her or the Royal Family. Maybe he has an older brother?
And besides, Jaeger is a common name, so maybe it’s not him or anybody related to him, right?
Right?
Oh, dear god.
Oh, dear Sina, Rose, Maria, please don’t let it be him, please don’t let it be him, pleasepleasepleaseplea—
The butler once again announced the arrival of a visitor, cutting off the conversation in the room, and Mikasa snapped her head to the direction of the door, waiting in bated breath for whoever is about to enter the room, her fists clenching and unclenching in anxiety…
Levi entered first, and trailing behind him was a tall boy in a gray suit, looking flustered as he struggled to maintain an air of confidence in his stride. Every one stood up except Mikasa, who remained seated in shock, as his bright emerald eyes landed on her gray ones.
This… this boy who made her life a bit more miserable at school, who never smiled at her once, who could never even address her in her name.
Today’s events at school flashed in Mikasa’s mind, the boy being late at school, the boy looking sleepless, the boy staring at her with wide eyes and a light blush staining his cheeks.
Eren Jaeger, the bane of her existence, is her future husband.
Mikasa wants to die.