Chapter Text
Sometimes it seemed like Sam slept in cars the way cranky babies were said to.
Eileen glanced over at him in the fading light of sunset as she checked her side mirrors and his open-mouthed, head at an angle, hair spilling over the cracked upholstery with his eyes shut not ten miles into the trip made her smile. She caught Jack smiling too in the rearview and they looked at each other for an instant and nodded in shared affection before she turned her attention fully back to driving.
The familiar roads she drove to her apartment in Kansas City and very little traffic allowed her to ease up her concentration and she let herself contemplate what Sam had said.
He loved her. He’d tried to say it aloud when they’d first reunited and she’d stopped him with a kiss, but he’d signed it right after she’d yelled at him and she hadn’t had the heart to interrupt him a second time.
It wasn’t that she didn’t have strong feelings for him as well, it was just... Everything had been heightened, constant life-and-death for billions of people since he’d returned her to a physical body after being a ghost. Even the passing thought of her existence as a ghost, and her experiences in hell made her shudder and deliberately turn her thoughts away from those memories.
When things were calmer, back to a normal hunter life, would he still feel that way about her?
Eileen knew she was a headstrong person. She had had enough relationships with people in her life where they’d gotten tired of her, either from the effort communication took, or from her stubbornness or temper or whatever else had caused them to turn from her, that she didn’t trust in long term commitments.
She wanted to believe that Sam, with his courage and loyalty and unlimited compassion, could truly love her and put up with her and want to stay in her life long term, but she knew that there was every possibility that he’d figure out how damaged she was emotionally and he’d split like all the others.
Sighing, she checked the mirrors again, turned on the headlights, and kept driving.
It amused Eileen when Sam woke the moment she turned the key and the vibration of the engine stopped.
“ Good morning ,” she signed, smiling. Sam blinked and looked outside at the darkness broken by streetlights. He nodded and smiled back to her.
“ Sorry for sleeping ,” Sam signed back.
She shrugged and spoke aloud over her shoulder as she opened the door, “Don’t worry about it. Not like we can talk while I’m driving.”
Jack climbed out of the back seat and waved for her attention.
“I can drive next time, if you want,” the boy offered.
She chuckled. “That’s sweet, but I would rather drive. I may not be as possessive as Dean but this is still my car.” She patted the roof of the Valiant.
Looking across the car she saw Sam watching her with that besotted expression that made her feel like the only person in the world. He was the best man she knew, and he loved her. What was wrong with just accepting that sometimes?
She winked and they all went inside.
Knowing that she had nothing she’d want to share with the guys from her kitchen, Eileen asked what sort of takeout they liked.
“We usually get pizza,” Jack said, looking excited. Eileen shrugged.
“We can get pizza if you want, but there’s a lot more options here in the city. Have you ever had Indian food, or Thai?” She asked, knowing either of those restaurants would have healthy vegetarian options that would please Sam.
Jack cocked his head, looking way too much like Castiel. “I don’t think I have.”
Eileen turned to Sam. “Indian or Thai?”
Sam’s face lit up. “Indian sounds great! I love saag .” He signed and then spelled out the name for a spinach dish she liked as well.
“Help me choose what to order for Jack,” she said, and went to the kitchen to the tablet she kept there for calls and ordering stuff.
After they ate, and Jack asked about watching another movie from Sam’s list of culturally significant films. Eileen laughed and Sam blushed.
“ Pretentious ?” She signed, grinning at him. He signed that he didn’t understand. “Kind of pretentious, don’t you think?” She said.
“Dean shows him stupid stuff. I’m trying to make sure he gets a more well rounded view!” Sam protested. “Plus, they’re good movies! Have you seen Gattaca? It’s a commentary on the dangers of a society that implements eugenics, but it’s a personal story, with great suspense and beautiful imagery.” Sam signed the words he knew as he pontificated.
“ Show me ,” she signed, smiling.
They found the movie on Netflix and sat back to watch, Jack in the armchair and Eileen and Sam snuggling on the couch.
“I wish you could experience the music,” Sam said to her afterward.
“It was very moving,” Jack agreed. Eileen hid a smile at the Castiel-typical sentence and serious facial expression on the boy.
She shrugged. “I feel the bass vibrations. That gives me some of the experience. The movie was very visually appealing, too,” she added, waggling her eyebrows.
“Oh no, don’t tell me you have a thing for Jude Law,” Sam said.
“Why pick just one? All three actors are gorgeous!”
Sam’s jaw dropped. “ Are you bisexual ?”
“ Yes. I thought you were too ?”
Sam nodded, blushing, and Eileen just shook her head. “ So ?”
“ You are perfect. I love you .”
Rolling her eyes, Eileen turned to Jack, who had obviously watched the exchange, although she wasn’t sure if he’d understood any of it.
“I’ll get you a pillow and blankets. I hope the couch is okay.”
“I’ll be fine, thank you.”
Eileen got Jack situated and watched in surprise as the boy signed, “ Goodnight ,” with the casual ease of someone fluent in ASL. She raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled mischievously.
“ You didn’t have to hide that ,” she signed.
“I wanted to surprise you, but it made sense to let you know that I understand you and Sam. ” His expression was apologetic and sympathetic and her eyes narrowed.
Eileen felt her face heat as she realized Jack had noticed she hadn’t reciprocated Sam’s feelings, but since it wasn’t any of his business, she simply signed goodnight and raised her chin and turned back to Sam.
“Jack understands?”
Eileen nodded and went past him into her bedroom. She immediately began stripping off her clothes.
“ Shower ,” she signed to Sam, gesturing toward the bathroom in case he hadn’t learned the word yet.
“ Together ?” He signed, and she smiled and nodded.
They got into the bathroom and Eileen locked the door to the rest of the apartment, though merely shutting the one to the bedroom. Jack wouldn’t come through there.
Sam turned the water on in the shower but looked to her instead of climbing into the tub or encouraging her to.
“Talk for a second?” He asked, signing what he could.
Eileen’s stomach tightened but she nodded, pursing her lips and waiting for Sam to continue.
“Nothing bad. I just... I think I’ve made you uncomfortable saying I love you and I want you to know that I am fine with you not saying it back.
“I just needed to tell you. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever known and even if this doesn’t work out, or you don’t ever feel the same, I want you in my life. I want you to move to the bunker with us-you’re a legacy too-and I want us to do it right this time, and organize all the hunters and get them the tools and protection they need and—“
“Shut up, Sam,” she said, chuckling. Of course he had an entire life planned out. She put her finger on his lips, and smiled even bigger when he kissed it then smiled himself. “I’ll tell you when I’m ready for all that. I’ll say...that...when I’m ready. For now, let’s get in the shower and you can fuck me against the wall and then we’ll go to bed. Just be quiet, because you told Jack not to listen to parent figures having sex.”
Sam blushed as he always did when she was blunt about their physical relationship, but he eagerly adjusted the water temperature (apparently he’d turned it on cold just to drown out their discussion), and they got into the quickly steaming shower.
Sam’s kisses were hungry and, as always, she marveled at how he lost himself in the physicality of being together. It was as if his focus was so intent that the rest of the world ceased to exist. She followed him into it.
Big hands cupped her face, and then powerful arms enveloped her while his lips and tongue plundered her mouth like she was giving him life. Eileen wrapped her arms around him and ran her fingers over the muscles in his back, the water making the glide smooth and slick. One hand stayed up, digging into the ridge beside the valley of his spine while the other grabbed at his ass hard, pulling him against her so she could feel his erection. She felt his breathing pick up, and his hands moved down as he leaned against the tile wall, taking their weight against his arm behind her and holding her opposite hip while the other snaked in front and his hand slid between her legs. She pushed her hips toward the fingers, throbbing for touch. His whole hand cupped her, and his big middle finger parted her and pressed inside, making her gasp. His calloused palm rubbed as he shifted until the heel of his hand was giving her pressure on her clit while that single finger inside pulled forward and made her tremble at the stimulation on her g spot.
Sam’s kisses grew sloppy as he focused on getting her off, but she was grateful for its smothering of any noises she made. She humped against Sam’s hand, and he found her rhythm quickly, and the double sensation had her climbing, her hips stuttering as the tension coiled tighter and tighter until it released in a rush and she shuddered feeling her walls clenching on that finger as she rode the waves of her orgasm.
Having declared exclusivity and shared their clean test results months earlier, and trusting the preventative implant in her arm, she had no qualms breaking away from Sam’s mouth as he withdrew his hand from her and making eye contact to nod her approval that she wanted him inside her, pressing her body forward against his hardness.
Sam’s eyes fluttered at the friction on his cock, but he recovered quickly, palming her ass with his hands and lifting her so her back pressed against the wall and he could lower her onto him.
Eileen’s head dropped back against the tile at the slide of Sam into her. She was still sensitive and quivered in an almost-orgasm when he hitched his hips up and his pelvis pressed tight to her.
Putting her hands up onto Sam’s shoulders, then threading her fingers into his gorgeous hair, Eileen gave herself over to him and her pleasure as he retracted slightly and then thrust home again. And again and again...
The position enabled her to arch and keep her mound up against him so he rubbed her just right as he chased his own friction.
She was climbing again, the stimulation perfect, her legs trembling where they wrapped around Sam’s hips. Everything was tightening, coiling, a bow drawn tight to cheek.
Sam’s mouth clamped over hers as she came, writhing in his grip, his cock still hard and sliding in and in and in until she felt him shaking, jerking in her hold on his hair, felt him throbbing inside her as he came, even while she shuddered through aftershocks.
He lowered them both to the floor of the tub. She could feel him trembling in the aftermath and she kissed him all over his face and neck, gently disentangling her fingers from his hair and smoothing it down as the shower splattered down on them and they caught their breath.
His cock was softening inside her and she shifted around and pulled away from him before it ended up feeling like something slithering out of her.
They shared a smile and several sweet kisses before she stood and offered a hand to help him up. He took it with an amused look and pushed himself up with his other hand on the edge of the tub. She rolled her eyes as she turned away to grab her shampoo. He knew how strong she was, but he didn’t fully trust that strength yet. If they ended up hunting together, he’d have to know without a shadow of a doubt that he could trust her prowess or he’d be a liability. She was gonna have to figure out a way to show him.
Might even be fun.
They finished by up washing mostly themselves but pressing against each other and sliding sensually as they switched places under the spray. She hid her amusement that the shower head that was just the right height for her hit him mid-chest and he had to arch over backwards to get his hair wet. She allowed herself to admire how his muscles worked to maintain the pose, though. He was seriously stacked.
Once they were back in her bedroom, Sam got a mischievous expression and signed, “ You-me-quiet-you-loud-Jack-hear .”
Eileen snorted. Apparently she’d been too loud in their shower.
“ I’m not a parent figure for him, so who cares ?” She signed, smirking. Sam frowned and she realized he hadn’t understood. She signed more slowly, “ I-no-parent-Jack ,” and shrugged.
Sam slapped his hand over his mouth and his shoulders shook as he laughed. He pulled her into a hug and she closed her eyes and at the warmth of being fully enfolded in his arms.
Settling in to go to sleep the same way was comforting in a sense Eileen had never really experienced before. She felt truly and completely safe, a rare experience for her as a solo hunter and as a woman.
Waking up curled against Sam’s back like the big spoon amused Eileen to no end. She kept her arm around him and kissed his upper back, hugging closer to him as a wakeup.
Unfortunately, that was not a good move.
Sam flung himself out of the bed, whirling around in a fighting stance, wild-eyed with terror, baring his teeth and pressing his back to her dresser, the two wooden charmed boxes on top tipping back and forth. His chest was heaving with panicked breaths.
Eileen slowly sat up onto her elbow, keeping her hands visible.
“I’m sorry, Sam,” she said aloud, not signing at all to keep herself as still and non-threathening as possible.
Sam shook his head hard and looked around him. He almost seemed confused for a moment, then resigned.
“ Sorry ,” he signed. He didn’t look freaked out anymore, and after he drew a huge breath, he was no longer panting like a blown horse.
She nodded slowly, and signed, “It’s okay .”
He came back to the bed and laid down on his back gingerly. Eileen carefully pulled the covers over him, and he smiled at her and relaxed some, then turned on his side to face her with his most earnest of expressions.
“There’s...there’s things I want to tell you, or, well, there’s things you should probably know about me, but I want to tell you in a way I’ll be clear to you. I wish I could sign fluently, but I’m not there yet. Does that make sense? I just... I don’t want to have to talk about it twice. It’s pretty bad.”
“We can make a time to talk. You know how to talk slowly and enunciate and sign what you can. We can make it work.”
Sam smiled sadly. “We should. Soon.”
Putting her hand on his cheek, she smiled back, trying to be reassuring.
“We all have shitty histories. We’re hunters. And you’ve been fucked with by god for his amusement, so it’s even worse. It’s not going to scare me away, okay Sam?”
That adoring look he got filled his face and he leaned over for a kiss, then moved back and signed, “ Thank you. I love you .”
Eileen smiled and kissed him, then rolled away out of the bed. It was definitely time to get up and change the damned subject.
Over breakfast of slightly freezerburned breakfast burritos she chipped out of the frost in the freezer, they discussed when it might be safe to return to the bunker. When Sam realized he was the only one of Eileen, Jack, and himself who wasn’t fluent in ASL, his expression grew stubborn and Eileen correctly predicted that he was going to spend every moment he could learning more sign.
They concluded that they’d head back after lunch and perhaps kick Dean and Cas out to have some kind of honeymoon somewhere if they were still going at it like bunnies.
After cleaning up, which consisted of throwing out paper plates and washing coffee mugs, Sam caught Eileen’s attention.
“What do you think of moving to the bunker to live there?” Sam asked with his pidgin signing along as he spoke. “In your own room: I don’t expect you to move in with me yet.”
Eileen glanced around her apartment. She wasn’t attached to it. It was just a base of operations more than anything. It would save her money to not have to pay rent, and while the town where the bunker was was off the main highways it wasn’t as if it was so far off to be too hard to get other places when a hunt came up.
“ Okay .”
Sam’s face lit up and she smiled.
The liquor store across the street always had empty boxes, so she sent Jack to fetch half a dozen or so, and they spent the rest of the morning packing up all the stuff she wanted and throwing the rest into garbage bags as either trash or stuff she planned to drop at a donation center on their way out of town.
By noon they hauled everything to the Valiant and Sam and Jack loaded up while Eileen went to leave a letter and a check with the super, breaking her lease and paying the fee to do so. She knew better than to hope to get back her cleaning deposit (especially since they hadn’t bothered to clean), so she counted the matter quits as she drove away.
She could feel Sam watching her, probably concerned for her feelings of leaving her “home”, so at the stoplight for the highway entrance, she turned to him.
“Relax. I wasn’t attached to that place. I’m happy to be moving, okay? The bunker will be a better base for hunting anyway.”
The tense set of Sam’s shoulders and jaw eased and he leaned in for a quick kiss.
“ Okay .”
Sam got his laptop out and sat practicing sign language until he apparently grew drowsy and again dozed off during the drive to Lebanon. When she saw his head drop against his chest and stay there from the corner of her eye, Eileen shook her head in indulgent amusement. He really was adorable.