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8 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙄𝙄
Ellie lies motionless beneath her covers.
She feels cold in her bed, buried beneath cloth, despite the balmy summer heat outside her door. She doesn’t have patrol today. Consequently, there is no reason to leave her bed. She should, but she feels tethered to the mattress, heavy and tired against it. Today, she feels worse than normal, cold and empty inside, like a lifeless vessel.
She wants to think but she hears static. When she does think, she imagines Abby, gaunt and broken in Santa Barbara. She wonders if Abby got to wherever she was going. Sometimes, she hopes Abby didn’t. She permeates every thought and every action on Ellie’s behalf. She’s like a ghost, haunting and haunting and driving Ellie into the heart of insanity.
It’s been 8 years, and the pain is fresh.
She thinks of Dina, too. She thinks of JJ. But she hates thinking of them, because the ache that is birthed by their memories is unbearable, and makes Ellie want to sleep forever.
A fist taps against the door gently. She knows it’s Maria, because not much anyone else comes by.
Ellie groans, shutting her eyes, the thought of moving draining her even more. “Ellie?” Maria calls from outside the door. “Coming!” She calls back. Reluctantly, she sits up. Her heart and mind and body feel like weights, the mattress whispering for her to come back as she rises to her feet. She wants to cry.
“Fuck,” she hisses, hobbling out of her room, and down the steps. She hates this house on her bad days, because she thinks of Joel every single time she drifts around it. Her joints ache as she reaches the front door, pulling it open with a frown. She sees Maria, wearing her usual smile, forced and tired and worried.
“Hey,” she greets, stepping forward, and pulling Ellie into her chest. Her hugs always feel warm and safe like a blanket. They make Ellie want to crack and fall apart. She hugs Maria back, patting the woman’s back gently. “Hi. What’s up?” She asks as they pull away from each other. Maria looks weary, sighing as she braces herself against the doorframe.
“I have a slight problem, Ellie. You see, we’ve got a new person, Lux. She lived in one of the settlements we trade with. She wrote me a letter, saying she needs to move in here, that’s it’s an emergency,” she pauses, scratching the back of her neck. “The problem is, we just don’t have the space for her right now. The apartments are being renovated, and with the houses taken up with all these new families... I was wondering if she could bunk with you for a little while?”
Ellie understands Maria’s nervousness now.
She physically recoils at the thought of living with another person. Her stomach turns, but she does her best to not present her distress. “What’s her emergency, if you don’t mind me asking?” Ellie says, clearing her throat, trying to calm herself down. “She wasn’t very specific, said there’s some bad stuff happening within the community where she lived. I’ll press her once she gets here but... she really is tough, would probably be a nice addition around here. I just want to help her.”
Ellie sighs, rubbing her temples with her fingers. She wants to shut the door in Maria’s face and sleep, but Maria has done so much for her, accepted her back into Jackson after the damage she’s caused. She knows she can’t deny her. “Could she stay in the back?” Maria asks, referring to the garage in which Ellie once lived.
Ellie cringes at the thought of someone else in that space that was so her at one point, but it pales in comparison to the thought of living in the house with someone else. “Y-yeah, I guess that’s ok, if it’s temporary...” Ellie says hesitantly, fidgeting with the draw strings of her hoodie. Maria smiles slightly, and nods.
“Thank you, Ellie. Hopefully it won’t last long. I really appreciate this,” she says, squeezing Ellie’s shoulder briefly. Ellie nods. “Yeah... yeah. I’m gonna go back in. Keep me posted, I guess.” Maria nods. “She’s arriving tomorrow. I’ll come by with her.” Fucking awesome.
Ellie nods. “Okay, thanks. See you soon.”
With that, the women part ways. Ellie goes back inside, and crawls into bed. She’s panicking as she buries herself back beneath the covers.