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“Okay okay how about, hmmm these ones!” Dick pointed to a set of faded scars on the outside of Jason's wrist.
“This one was a poison league knife and this one was….a botched can-opening actually.”
“The Red Hood defeated by a can opener! That’s too good!”
“Yeah yeah laugh it up! What about that weird one on your collarbone?”
“Ex-girlfriend that turned out to be a secret assassin. She stabbed me with a fork.”
“Oh damn, we’ve all been there.”
“Okay my turn! What about the one across your neck? I’m sure that’s a crazy story.”
Jason subconsciously reached up to run his finger over the scar, almost like he hadn’t known it was there. Dick gauged Jason's switch from joyous to apprehensive, “You don’t have to talk about it if it’s a bad memory Jay..”
Jason's eyes snapped to Dicks, like he suddenly realized where he was, “No, no, it’s not a bad memory it’s..it’s no memory. I don’t know where it’s from.”
“You don’t remember someone slitting your throat!?”
“I...I really don’t. Maybe it was from my early days at the League? I was kinda feral..and less than lucid.”
“That’s still awful Jay”
“Yeah well, I’m sure whoever did it was protecting themselves, it must have been deserved.”
•••••••
Jason stared off into the distance, remembering those dark days. If anyone seemed to deserve the plethora of scars he had, it was him.
Dick frowned, pulling Jason into a gentle hug. Jason tensed at first, then melted into his older brother's embrace.
"No one deserves to have their throat slit, Jaybird. No one deserves to carry scars, whether they be physical, mental, or emotional." He began running his fingers through Jason's hair, as Jason leaned his ear against Dick's chest, desperately clinging to the rhythm of his heartbeat to let him know this was real.
"Life likes to mark us, but that doesn't mean we deserve the marks. You didn't deserve anything like that. All you deserved is love, and tenderness, and care, and I'm sorry you didn't get nearly the amount you deserved." He said, voice gentle, as he felt Jason shake slightly.
"You deserve the world, Little wing, not this pain."
••••••
"Don't I?" Dick pulled back slightly from the hug to look Jason in the eyes.
"Don't you what, Little Wing?"
"Deserve the pain." Jason stepped back and crossed his arms protectively over his chest. "Bruce, he doesn't think I have a moral code," He laughed bitterly. "but I do! I do but he doesn't care. I might as well be-be him." Jason tilted his head back in an attempt to keep his tears in his eyes.
Dick stepped forward. "Jay," he said seriously. "You are nothing like the Joker."
"But that's not the point, is it?" Jason gave a wry smile. "I do have a moral code. I do. And back when this" he gestured meaningfully at his neck. "Back before I can remember, I-I know," he tilted his head back again and then cleared his throat. "I know that I broke it. I broke it Dick. I wasn't good enough. I-I wasn't strong enough." He swiped the tears angrily off his face as he lost the fight. "If I broke my own code, how is Bruce not right? And if Bruce is right, maybe I deserve the pain. It's my own fault Dick."
•••••••
"Bruce..... Bruce has made a lot of mistakes himself. He's not infallible. He says things he doesn't mean to push people away." Dick thought back on fights he'd had with Bruce. The lengths his father figure had gone in order to keep a distance.
"You know, I once felt the same.... felt like I deserved pain, that pain was all I could ever feel in order to release the inner pain." Dick rolled up his sleeve to show off scars so faded most people wouldn't even notice. He traced them gently and said "But I was wrong. And Bruce and the rest of you all helped me see that."
"Whatever you do, little wing, remember this: You are more than your worst action, and you are more than what was done to you. Your past does not define you, and if anyone else could see this side of you, they'd make sure you knew it. We love you, little wing, always and forever."
Silence, then Jason said, in a surprisingly small voice "Even Bruce?"
Dick laughed slightly and said "Yes, even Bruce. He's just really bad at showing it sometimes."
••••••
Jason tilted his head slightly in thought. He wasn't sure he believed that. But as he looked at his older brother, eyes shining with hope and love, he realized he was willing to try. And maybe, someday, he'd feel that love for himself too.
••••••
He knew it wouldn't be easy. But at least now.....now he wasn't alone.