Chapter Text
Chrissy feels grateful that the rest of the school day breezes by without much trouble. She wants to go home and hide in her bed forever or better yet run to the city where she would be just another girl with soulmarks and no one would bother her.
During the break between after the last bell she makes sure to quickly go into the school library and check out Permanent Marks: Initials for Life before hiding it in her gym bag.
Hopefully this will give me some answers.
Her head still down she bumps into something, someone solid. Their hands rough on her arms to steady her, callouses? She thinks.
“Oh, I’m so sorry!” She apologizes and jumps back taking a look at who she bumped into.
Dark eyes meet hers and she feels heat across her hip, Just my bag hitting me.
“’S’Okay. You alright?” His voice softer than it was during lunch.
“Oh, yes. I wasn’t paying attention.” Her voice trembles a bit with nerves and she knows her eyes are wide as she takes his full stature in.
The long, messy curls, chains on his ripped jeans. She can smell the faint aftermath of weed coming off him and her nose crinkles slightly.
His hands shoot up in the air and she catches the sunlights coming off the metal on his fingers.
“No problems here, Princess”, his voice still softer than she imagined it would be.
She squares her shoulders and tries to fight the blush forming.
Why does he look so intensely at me?
“Well, prep rally time,” and she gestures with her hand in the direction of the gym.
“Oh, yes. The Rah Rah and Go Team Go stuff ”, he fakes moving pompoms up and down, his smiling teasing and brown eyes warm.
She snorts, actually snorts, something she hasn’t done since middle school.
(Such an ugly sound dear, try to make it nicer, prettier, quieter)
Whatever her mother requested she followed.
He proceeds to bow, “Off you go then, Your Highness.”
She has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop the smile, “Thank you, Kind Sir.”
And so, Chrissy’s off to the gymnasium.
Jason, for all his typical boy-nonsense, does give a nice speech at the prep rally.
She’s almost moved and places her fingers to her lips to send an air-kiss. She wonders if it would be such a terrible thing to just keep the secret from him, but then notices the -her- initials wrapped around his bicep.
In delicate handwriting, C.C. stares back at her in dark ink.
Her stomach clenches tight and her half smile drops.
Chrissy grips the cold toilet rim. Her knees hurt from leaning on the tile as she forces herself to vomit.
Gasping, her throat burning she presses her finger into her month again and gags. The bile rising and tears forming.
This is what you need to do. This is good for you. Can’t have the weight sticking.
A voice that Chrissy knows is her mother’s rings in her ears.
She wipes her mouth and cries; not feeling any better, never feeling better. Only disgusting, wretched, pathetic.
Her jaw aching in a familiar way, she uses her nails to dig into the soft skin on her palm, leaving small indents, but bring her back as she practices breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. Working to steady her heartbeat and racing mind.
You will need to do this at least once a day, dear. You’ll never fit into your graduation dress, let along your prom dress. You know I’m telling you this to help you.
Her mother’s eerily calm voice in her head, always persistent.
She uses the toilet seat to help push her off the bathroom floor.
This really is disgusting, she thinks and hates that she can’t seem to stop herself from ending up here almost every day after school.
Washing her hands, face, and rinsing the stale aftertaste out; Chrissy does what she does best and practices smiling in the mirror.
Sometimes, more often than not currently, the girl looking back at her has no spark in her eyes. Chrissy practices anyway.
The school is quiet now after the pep rally and game. She hopes that Jason won’t mind her skipping out on the afterparty at Benny’s.
But babe, it was the championships! We need to celebrate and how can I have fun without my soulmate there?
She can practically hear the whine in his voice, she sighs and shakes her head. The cool night air hits her and she closes her eyes, enjoying the feel on her to warm body.
“The Queen without her King or court?” A now more familiar voice speaks, forcing her to open her eyes and look to the left.
She tries to give a curt response, but all that comes out is, “I can be alone.”
He’s smoking and she wonders if it’s a cigarette or joint as he brings the object to his lips.
She catches herself staring as he chuckles a “Didn’t say you couldn’t”, shaking his head as he expels the white smoke, his wild hair moving from side to side.
Chrissy coughs, definitely weed, and mumbles more than asks, “Does it help? Smoking?”
He seems to hear her anyway.
“And what would the Prom Queen want help with?” His eyes now looking directly into hers.
Always looking directly at her, like he wants to see her.
“My name is Chrissy, you know”, she’s not mad with the nicknames, but she wants to hear him say her name.
Wonders what it would sound like, how his tongue would roll over the syllabus.
"I know what your name is, Chrissy Cunningham,” he responds.
He says her name like it's a spell, magical and entrancing. She find that she likes it and smiles at him.
"My mind is always racing, I wonder if smoking would help?"
She cringes slightly. I must sound so stupid. An 18-year-old not knowing about weed.
He just hums and rocks back and forth on his heels. Still looking at her, almost like he's deciding what to tell her.
"Could, but I don't know if Mr. Basketball Star would like his girlfriend smoking with me, the Freak."
His hands move down his body in a mocking motion, but Chrissy just takes his presence more.
Tall, but not as intimidating as people say and his eyes always seem kind when they look at me.
"Jason smokes all the time with the team." She takes a breath and continues, "I'd like to try, maybe."
She hates how small her voice can get, like she needs to ask permission for everything she says or does.
"But with me?", He questions, a bit timidly. Is he shy?
But she just nods and says, "You're not what people say you are."
"What mean and scary?", he covers his face with his long hair, hiding a smile.
Chrissy giggles and he continues, "Well I thought you might be mean and scary too".
She laughs out loud. Eyes wide and unbelieving, "Me?"
"Yea, terrifying!" he's smiling too and she likes how it lights up his entire face, unguarded.
"Well, if THE Chrissy Cunningham wants to smoke with me; I am but your humble servant.” Then he's bowing to her again.
She rolls her eyes and laughs, but it's kind of endearing.
“And I thank you, Eddie Munson."
"Ah, so the lady does know my name, how fortune favors me." He's teasing, but she blushes anyway.
"Of course, I know your name", she says shyly with cast down eyes.
Control your breathing, you're just having a conversation.
"Sadly, I only had the one tonight." Eddie gestures at the blunt in his hand.
"I can give you something on Monday?" His eyes hopeful.
Chrissy tries not to sound disappointed, "Uh, I was kinda hoping for something for tonight."
She bites her lip hating how needy she sounds.
Eddie takes his free hand through his dark hair and Chrissy wonders if it might be as soft as it looks.
"I could, um, I mean, we could go back to my place and I could give you something?"
He looks at her and she thinks she can see pink on his cheeks, but it's hard to tell in the dim lighting.
"Really? I wouldn't be bothering you?" She brightens, her heart racing in anticipation.
“I can pay, of course." She adds almost as an after thought.
"First times free Cunningham." He replies and she swears there might be an innuendo in his voice, more raspy now.
He leads her to his van and opens the door, "You can still say no. I'll drop you off wherever." His eyes honest.
She smiles and shakes her head, "No, I trust you."
She finds that it's more true than she realized and Eddie's face widens into a smile again making her heart jump.
"Well then, Princess I hope you like Metallica".
Chrissy smiles, more easily than in the bathroom and doesn't remember that Eddie was the only one that called her Jason's girlfriend and not soulmate.