Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“And isn’t it just so pretty to think? All along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”

Then, London 2012

“Carina” the boy whined out her name, “We’re going to be late if we don’t leave soon,” he said while knocking on her bedroom door once again. She flung it open to reveal her brother standing outside, his hands full and his face stretched into a frustrated look. 

He was wearing a team Italy Olympic sweatshirt with his messy hair covered with a similar cap, and his cheeks colored with stripes of red and green paint. 

She smiled at her brother finding his panic amusing, they were still quite early but she wouldn’t tell him that, she was just glad to see a smile on his face after so long. 

She’d been visiting her mamma and her brother during the summer as she did every few years since they’d moved away. This year though, her and Andrea had planned a trip to London since her brother had wanted to see the Olympics and cheer on Italy. Carina knew it made him feel like he was closer to home. 

Seeing him like this she’d often curse her father, the man who was the reason her mamma and fratellino had’nt been back to visit her in Italy since they moved away. She knew Andrea had felt like a part of him was missing, never getting to grow up in his home country like her and so she would give him at least this. 

Carina was sad to spend 2 weeks of her long awaited summer away from her mamma since she had been getting sicker too and wouldn’t travel. It had made Andrea say no at first but she knew her mother too needed space away from his constant worrying, she needed him to live his life for a while, and so she would give her mother that too. 

“I’m almost done Andrea-”

“Andrew” he’d said back frustrated once more and she’d rolled her eyes at him like she would always do whenever he insisted that she call him that-

He was almost 19 now and was starting college soon so Carina understood the need to fit in but he would always be Andrea to her and mamma and he would just have to deal with it.

She finally grabbed her things and made her way back to him, still standing outside her room, “ Andiamo ” she said with a smile ushering him outside as he grinned and followed her making their way to catch a cab

***

They’d made it with just a few minutes to spare and Andrew had looked at her in an expression that clearly translated to I told you so and she’d once again rolled her eyes because how was she supposed to know they’d run into traffic? 

“How about you go and find those seats so you don’t miss out and I’ll get us the snacks” she’d said to him hoping that’d make up for it. 

“Yeah?” he’d asked with the giddy smile sporting his face once more, and all Carina could think about was how much he’d looked like their father when they were younger before everything went downhill. 

She’d closed her eyes for a second to keep those thoughts at bay before opening them again smiling and nodding hoping her brother was as oblivious to it as he looked. He’d hugged her still jumping on his heels before making a run toward the stands. 

Carina knew she couldn’t let herself breakdown here, she had to be with her brother, but the stress of her manic papa, her increasingly sick mamma, and the stress of finally being accepted into Med school in Italy, something that should’ve been the one happy thing in her life, now ruined by the thought of being away from her papa when he might need her. 

She’d felt like a bad daughter like she wasn’t doing enough but she knew it wasn’t true, she’d sacrificed herself for years to give her papa what he wanted, she’d stayed with him in Italy and she’d never threatened to leave as their mamma did, she’d always made sure he was eating and getting sleep, something he never liked but she knew he needed, she’d stood by him while he’d thrown insults at her and her career choice. 

When Carina had gotten into one of the best Medical schools she’d thought finally, he was going to be proud of me but she was so wrong. He’d ridiculed her for aspiring to be an OB/GYN, saying she’d be putting years of school and his money to waste with it. He’d told her career wasn’t important, that she was replaceable. 

It had more than ever made her want to run away from his and his cruel words, run towards her mamma and her kindness, but she’d once again stayed because papa could be cruel but he needed her, he was sick and mamma had Andrea, and papa had her and that’s just the way it worked. 

She hadn’t realized that her legs had started moving to a more secluded place, hidden away from prying eyes, and that her eyes had started to leak tears, until she heard a voice behind her, “Are you okay?”

The first thing Carina thought was that the voice was kind and melodic, like the summer, she thought. She heard the slight tremor in it which probably meant the person had been pensive about approaching her. 

She was going to reply with a simple I’m okay so she didn’t have to explain the fact that she was the furthest thing from okay in this moment, but the words got lodged in her throat the minute she’d turned around. 

The ocean, her eyes were blue like the ocean, comforting and calm. She realized with a jolt that it reminded her of a beach in Italy she’d been to countless times with her mamma, running in the sand with Andrea, her dad running after them and catching Andrea to throw like a young boy over his shoulder. 

Carina was surprised by the memory, but she was even more surprised by the tears it elicited, wiping them away in an instant. 

The brunette shook her head, she knew she should say something, anything , she’d even tried to nod but she was frozen in place, embarrassment taking over slowly at being a mess in front of this striking stranger. 

She realized that the blonde in front of her had asked the question again “Are you okay?” This time firmer and Carina had nodded finally looking away and wiping at her tears “Are you sure?” and there it was that slight change in pitch as if she didn’t know what to do

“Yeah, yes, si, I’m okay” She knew she didn’t sound convincing but she couldn’t stand here crying pouring her heart out to a stranger “Thank you, um I have to go” she said pointing behind her realizing Andrea was probably waiting. 

The blonde had just nodded and had let her walk away, a frown now present on her face and Carina couldn’t help but think how she wanted to run a finger over her forehead to smooth it out. 

She didn’t though, instead kept walking making her way toward the stands to find her brother. 

She’d found Andrea fairly quickly, plopping down on the street next to him with the snacks in her hand, hoping he didn’t see how she’d taken longer than expected. 

She would just blame it on the crowd, or she could always say she got lost…

But her brother just acknowledged her presence, thanking her and then turning his attention back to the front. She didn’t know if it was on purpose or not but she was glad for it. 

***

Carina had been half-heartedly watching races and jumps for what she thought was the better part of an hour, only to look down to see it had barely been 20 minutes. She was second guessing agreeing to her brother. She knew nothing about the Olympics and she felt lost, her eyes darting around the arena when she caught a glimpse of blonde hair. 

She realized it was the girl who’d come up behind her and asked her if she was okay. She was now wearing the team USA colors, her pale legs on complete display which Carina could so clearly see because Andrea had chosen seats as close to the ground as he could. 

Carina could see a man with blonde hair and the same striking eyes facing the girl, both his hands on her shoulders as he talked to her. She couldn’t see the girl's face but her shoulders were tense as she nodded along. 

Her eyes kept following the girl as she walked towards the track and Carina couldn’t help but notice the slight limp in her steps, something she had been trying to cover, but the Italian was going to be a doctor, she was going to medical school and she could tell that this girl was leaning way more on her right leg trying to keep her form balanced. 

She realized the girl probably had to have been taking part in the sprint coming up, which made her frown. The blonde shouldn’t be running a 10,000 meter sprint while she was injured, she knew things like this did more harm than good. 

Carina was pulled out of her thought’s as she heard the sound of the starting gun, her eyes being pulled back to the blonde as she took off. The Italian couldn’t peel her eyes away. The girl was fast , even with some kind of damage to her ankle she’d already ran past most of the girls and was now third, still gaining speed. 

She kept watching, not wanting to miss a single second. She felt herself tense as the last lap approached, the blonde finally making her way to second place, but just when Carina could see them approaching the finish line thinking this was it, the girl ran faster than she’d ever seen anyone run before and put herself ahead of everyone else, going fast enough to even put a considerable amount of distance between her and the girl behind. 

The Italian’s mouth hung open in shock as the girl crossed the finish line. She’d won, and the camera zoomed in on her face, her smile so wide as people around Carina erupted into applause. The brunette heard her brother mutter something under his breath but she didn’t catch it, instead looking ahead at the screen where those blue eyes had lit up glistening with unshed tears. 

The man who’d previously stood on the side now ran to the blonde hugging her and lifting her up, both of their smiles reaching their eyes as he set her back down. Carina saw the man reach down to say something to the blonde before a confused expression took over her face, which was the last thing Carina saw before the camera moved on to other participants. 

She looked down to see that the girl was being dragged by him toward the sidelines before they disappeared from her view. 

Carina looked back up at the screen which now displayed the winners

Gold - Maya Bishop USA

Chapter Text

“All I know is that we said 'hello' and your eyes look like coming home. All I know is a simple name. Everything has changed"

Then, Paris 2012

Maya hadn’t planned this. 

She didn’t know how she ended up in Paris out of all places. She just knew that she couldn’t stay there any longer. 

There was in London with her dad, there was also in Seattle with her mom and Mason. 

Mason who had been hospitalized the day of her big race, the day she had won Gold at the Olympics. 

Most of it had still felt unreal to her, it was as if that whole day had been a blur. One minute she’d been crossing the finish line, and the next her dad had taken her in his arms and held on to her tight, and Maya had felt the pride radiating off the man, the pride months ago she would’ve done anything for, but then he’d set her down and a mask of annoyance had taken over his face. 

The words that came out of his mouth were a blur, but Maya would never forget the two words that haunted her dreams, Mason overdosed.

Of course she felt guilty, she knew it was the neglect from their father that had led Mason to this point, she knew because she’d seen it on Masons face, and in his actions, everytime Lane would take Maya training and accompany her to races, but belittle Mason on his art. 

Maya saw it in the way her brother's shoulders had started sinking more and more each day, as he’d started to close in on himself, becoming the shell of a person she’d once known, but Maya felt hopeless. All she could think about in the aftermath was maybe i should’ve done more

She knew she’d reached her limit with trying to impress her father, especially after she’d found out how he’d known about Mason the whole day but had only told Maya once she’d crossed the finish line, after she’d earned the medal for him. 

Maya couldn’t stay with her father and do interviews and photoshoots any longer, the thought of her dad ignoring Mason’s needs for hers once again was too sickening, but she knew she couldn’t go back to Seattle either, the guilt was too overwhelming, she couldn’t face her brother, she wouldn’t. 

So Maya Bishop, Olympic Gold Medalist, found herself in Paris, where she had been for the past 3 months, ignoring her problems, drinking them away in local bars. In her mind she knew she had to deal with them at some point, she knew she had to go back to Seattle, she had to look into her brother’s eyes, but today would not be that day. 

The streets were bustling with crowds of people, walking to their destination, on a tuesday night, the air cold and damp as it approached winter. It reminded Maya of the countless nights and mornings her father would make her run around their block, until her knees gave out and she couldn’t run anymore. 

She felt a shiver go up her spine as she shook her head, trying to put thoughts of her dad away and letting Paris distract her. She shoved both her hands inside the pockets of her jacket and wrapped it a little tighter around herself, making her way to her daily destination, the path all too familiar to her now. 

As she approached the brick building and walked towards the stairs on its side leading underground, she watched people come out and rush past her, the warmth from inside hitting her face. She held onto the door before it closed and stepped inside, walking straight towards what even the bartenders had come to know as her spot.

In the past 3 months, she’d been here countless times, always around the same time, always walking up to the same spot, and always sitting in the same chair. Maya loved routines. She loved when things were a certain way. There was no particular reason she’d chosen this spot aside from the fact that it had been the only open spot the night she had first found this place, and it had always been empty in the day’s after and so she’d stuck with it. 

Today although, as she approached it she could see a woman already sitting there, her side to Maya, and her face covered by long brunette waves. Maya had gone there with half the mind to leave and come back tomorrow, but the seat next to the brunette was empty and it was close enough right? If the past year had taught her anything, it was that sometimes things don’t go according to plan. 

She just had to ask the woman if the seat next to her was empty, and then she could just sit down and drink her problems away like every other night, she just hoped the answer was yes, but as she went to open her mouth, the brunette turned towards her at the same time and the words got stuck in Maya’s throat. 

The woman’s eyes were brown, like chocolate Maya thought, warm and inviting, her lips turned up in a polite smile, but it was the sound of her voice that pulled Maya back in as she furrowed, the voice familiar, Maya thought she must have heard it somewhere before, the lilt of her accent unique enough as to where Maya knew it couldn’t have been a coincidence. 

She realized she’d been staring as the woman was still trying to get her attention, but Maya interrupted her, “I’m sorry, you just look familiar, I feel like I've seen you somewhere? Is that weird? I definitely sound creepy, I swear I’m not trying to be creepy” she realized she’d been rambling and stopped

But the woman just smiled up at her not saying a single word 

“I’m sorry, I’ll go somewhere else” she said pointing towards the door

“Wait” she heard behind her, turning around “This seat’s not taken, did you want to sit down?”

Maya just nodded and decided not to make a comment about how that was exactly what she’d been planning on asking the woman 

“And about your question, i don’t know about you but i certainly remember a certain blonde winning a gold at the olympics this year. Has anyone recently told you that you look like her?” the woman said in a joking tone making Maya blush furiously. 

“Hmm I don’t know, you might be the first one to say that actually” she replied back with a smug grin on her face 

“Oh really?” she paused as if in thought “I don’t know you certainly have the build of an olympian” her lower lip was now pulled in between her teeth as she eyed Maya’s forearms.

Maya cursed herself for blushing once more, she knew she was probably red all over and looked like she was having trouble breathing but the brunette just smiled at her as if it was the most normal thing, and Maya thought for someone that beautiful it probably was.

“How about this?” The woman said, rolling the stem of her glass, which was halfway full with white wine, between her fingers, “If I buy you a drink, will you tell me what an American olympic Gold medalist is doing next to me in a bar in Paris of all places?”

Maya froze for a moment not expecting the question, did she really want to be the person who unburdened all her problems to a beautiful stranger she met in a bar? She quickly decided that even if she did, this woman probably didn’t want to hear them, “I’m sorry- I- I think it’s just better if I drink alone tonight”

She went to stand up but the brunette slightly placed a hand over hers “How about just your name then? I’m Carina DeLuca” she said lifting the same hand toward Maya

Maya felt confused, most people wouldn’t have tried to prod again after she’d shut them down once, but apparently, Carina wasn’t most people. 

There was still that nagging feeling eating her from the inside, that she had seen this woman somewhere and the sheer curiosity of it wouldn’t let Maya walk away from her. 

And so Maya found herself sitting back down next to a beautiful stranger, in a random bar in Paris, shaking her hand and just giving her a name “Maya Bishop, nice to meet you”

Chapter Text

“In the middle of the night, waking from this dream, I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me”

Now, Seattle 2023

“Maya!”

“Maya, what the hell did you do?”

“Maya stay with me, okay, we’re almost there”

She could hear the voices around her, faint but there, her lips moving as she tried to get a response out but the ringing in her ear was insistent and all she could do was grunt. She tried to lift her head to look at the source of the voice but the pain from doing so made her close her eyes, her breathing rapid. ‘Breathe bambina’ she heard a second voice, this one in her head leading her towards a light that looked more and more appealing each second, she would follow that voice anywhere. 

***

The blonde woke her up from her slumber when she heard a loud thud outside her bedroom. The first thing she felt was the cold and harsh wind breaking through her door which was left slightly ajar. She knew it was cheesy and stupid but in the past few years, she had become so used to leaving it open along with a small light in her hallway. 

She rolled over in her bed pulling the blanket on top of her head to shield her from the morning sun for just another second, to grasp just a second more of warmth but all she felt was the emptiness surrounding her and the coldness of the bedsheet on her other side. The blonde grunted and decided to just get out of bed, not seeing a reason to stay any longer. 

She found Andy standing in the middle of her kitchen in the middle of a yawn, her mouth hung open and her eyes closed as she waited for her morning coffee. Maya cleared her throat which caused the brunette to look up at her sheepishly, “I didn’t wake you up did I?”

“Yes, yes you did” she rolled her eyes “the least you can do now is make me a coffee,” she said shrugging and walking towards the woman

“Okay yes! I can do that” she said a little too loudly and Maya had to stop herself from wincing at the volume but squinted her eyes and looked at the brunette with a stare that could kill. “Sorry,” Andy whispered.

“Just make me a cup of coffee so we can go to work Herrera,” she said dismissing the apology 

“What if we just didn’t go to work today,” the brunette said with a shrug but turned around back to the coffee machine anyway. 

“You do remember I’m the captain right?” she said incredulously but sighed anyways, whispering as if she was sharing a secret no one was supposed to hear “I don’t exactly want to go in today either”

Andy just raised her eyebrows at the blonde, it wasn’t often that Maya admitted to wanting to skip work, but she chose to keep any comments to herself for fear of being kicked out. 

Today was going to be a hard day for Maya, it was hard every year, and having to work didn’t make it any better. But she had to admit, it was a good distraction. Andy didn’t know that though. Maya would blame it on her hangover from last night or the long shift before that, or a disturbing call, but never the truth because admitting that would mean facing it herself, and the blonde just needed a distraction. 

Last night’s events came rushing back to the blonde. It had been a tough call and the team had gone out to drink. Maya remembered getting slightly tipsy from the outing but still too sober for her friend's sake. She had gone out with the intention to forget, to forget the call, the shift, the state of her life. 

She had failed to do so, the only thing on her mind was a certain Italian. So she’d given up trying to drink her way through loneliness and despair and instead chose to say bye to her team and take Andy home with her. Letting Andy get drunk was not a good idea, especially after her friend's divorce getting finalized the next week. 

Maya would blame leaving early on her being captain now, being more responsible, and making sure everyone made it home okay. If they only knew it was because she had no urge to go out and get shit-faced drunk anymore, not after-

No, she’d much rather get home and call her again, to listen to the one voice that could make her heart race faster, as if her body could feel the high it gave her. It was all she craved after a long day at work, especially after it had been so long since she’d heard it. 

It had been 2 days, but to Maya, it felt like a lifetime. 

Yeah, she really needed that distraction…

***

They’d been called out within the first half hour of their shift, a fact that neither woman was excited about, but both hoped it was a quick call, but Maya knew they could never predict how these things went. Andy on the other hand was still grumbling off about how she wanted to stay at home and possibly cash in one of her sick days, the blonde just rolled her eyes when the woman mentioned having a bad feeling. 

Maya didn’t believe in having a feeling about something or being unlucky, the blonde believed that things that were supposed to happen would always happen no matter what, she thought her life up till that point was an example of it, there was nothing she could have done to stop the course of events as they unraveled. 

Today was no different. 

The team had been called out to a fire at a house owned by a bickering married couple. As soon as the rig stopped outside of their house Maya stepped out and assumed her position as Captain, standing tall and approaching the duo, asking them for any information they knew. 

They led her and her lieutenants, Andy and Jack, inside their garage to explain the situation. Upon further investigation, Maya had sent Theo inside the house to override the security system needed for them to get access to even start putting out the fire. 

It had been about five minutes without any progress when Maya radioed the man but had no success in receiving a response, so she headed towards the main entrance of the house, but before she could even step out, the steel doors came rattling down with a thud, trapping half the team, including their captain inside without any possible way out. 

All while the heat from the house slowly cooked them alive. 

Maya wasn’t proud of the fact that she panicked for a second, or that in that second her first thought wasn’t of her team or herself, it was of that voice that kept pulling her in, those eyes she wished to see up close every day, the scent of a specific perfume that haunts her dreams. 

All she could think of was how she couldn’t die like this, not while the Italian was miles away

But all thoughts about Carina had to be put aside when she heard Travis’ voice outside beckoning for answers on what had happened and she realized that everyone inside was looking at her, waiting for a response. 

The blonde started shouting orders, asking for chainsaws and axes but nothing seemed to be working as the heat kept rising inside. She looked at Andy and seemed to sense the woman's panic “Hey, we’ll find a way out okay?” she said, approaching the brunette, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“Yeah, we will,” she said nodding not sounding entirely too convinced but Maya didn’t push knowing sometimes Andy just needed the space to know she could let it out “It’s just that with the divorce getting finalized next week, a life and death situation really puts things into perspective” she looked up at the blonde and Maya could see her skittish eyes that weren’t focusing on hers. 

“Hey, listen, you had a reason for filing for divorce okay? it wasn’t impulsive and you needed to put yourself first” she had been reminding Andy of this fact every time the woman looked like she was going to backslide, she’d promised Andy she wouldn’t let that happen. 

Andy nodded knowing deep down that Maya was right, she’d told the blonde this before, asked Maya to reassure her when she started spiraling like this, but she couldn’t help but think about how Robert was outside, she wondered what the man was thinking about right now if he had the same thoughts as her. If something happened today, would either of them regret it?

Although Maya wondered if there was any truth to Andy’s words, there was nothing like a life-or-death situation that put things into perspective. She couldn’t help but think of Carina again, about their short conversation over the phone two days ago. 

***

“Ciao bambina” she heard the voice crackle through as an image appeared on her screen. The darkness was a contrast to the sunshine radiating outside Maya’s apartment window, but she didn’t need light to see the figure sleeping on her side looking up at her. She could almost feel a smile in the Italian’s voice as she said the words “I missed your face”

She laughed slightly but could relate to the sentiment entirely. Their schedules never seemed to align anymore and talking multiple times a day had gotten harder and harder as now they usually had to depend on texting. 

Maya knew bringing it up once again would be nothing short of another fight, a fight she couldn't take any more of and so she just settled for a simple “I miss your face too” and made sure that her smile reached her eyes because Carina had enough to worry about. Maya wouldn’t want to add to that anymore. “How was work today?” she asked instead

“Same old same old” Carina huffed out “So much more paperwork, I don’t know how you enjoy it bella,” she said teasing the blonde

“Ha Ha” Maya replied in mock offense but felt bad for the brunette when she heard a yawn on the other end “You should sleep Car, we can talk later?”

“No”

“No?” Maya raised an eyebrow at the short response 

“No, because it’s been so long and I miss listening to you talk, about your day, about the station, about anything” Maya could hear the pout in her voice even though she could barely see it and she sighed 

“Okay how about this,” she said waiting for Carina’s response and the brunette just hummed in return, “I’ll stay on the phone and talk about my day until you fall asleep”

Carina doesn’t protest, “hmm that sounds like a plan bambina” her words slurring already as Maya decides to list off events from a boring industrial fire

She keeps going until she hears little snores coming from the other end of the call. “Ti amo,” she says the 9-hour time difference between them feeling longer and longer each day

She decided not to dwell on it too much, they’d had this conversation. Carina had to stay in Italy and Maya couldn’t leave Seattle, especially not now with her becoming Captain, but she decided that it had been too long and that she would take a few vacation days and surprise the brunette soon.

***

She needed to push through. Her plane tickets to Italy that were sitting at the bottom of her top drawer at the station, now on her mind. She needed to get through just the next week and then she would be with Carina, hearing the brunette sing to her in Italian and feeling her kisses on her forehead.

She stood up looking at the garage once more. Jack and Andy had entirely given up at this point, sweat coating all of their foreheads as they waited. Maya couldn’t give in, not now. Her eyes fixed around something before she gasped, all heads turning towards her, “We need explosives” 

“What?” 

“Explosions turn anything into a high-velocity projectile,” Maya replied before Andy pointed towards a water heater, “it’s worth a shot”

All of them started pitching in as the plan slowly formed, Maya radioed her team outside updating them on the progress before they all set everything up and got behind the car waiting for the impact. 

Maya was about to get down too when she noticed something, “the release valve-” she said, “It must’ve come loose-”

 “No” Andy replied but Maya had stopped listening 

“It’ll go flying” she replied “it can kill any one of us”

“Maya no” 

“It’s okay Andy I can get to it,” she said before standing up 

“Maya!” She heard Andy behind her trying to stop her as she took off towards the loose valve, but as soon as she stood up the explosion sounded, and Andy had a second to realize that Maya was too close before she was pulled back down by Jack, almost missing the impact herself

As the aftershocks died down she ran towards Maya’s side, her helmet now on the floor as the blonde groaned in discomfort. 

“Maya what the hell did you do?” she said, rolling the blonde over before noticing the blood that soaked her hands, her eyes roamed around Maya’s figure before finding the source to be her abdomen where the valve had lodged itself inside. 

She knew the valve was the only thing keeping Maya from bleeding out and so she put pressure on the wound and called for anyone, Jack’s cries for Ben or Travis could be heard as they all came inside the garage and gasped at the image in front of them. 

Jack held Andy back as the two men lifted Maya to place her on a spine board and led her outside to the Aid Car, ready to drive off when Andy stepped inside sitting next to Maya and holding her hand.

The blonde was slightly conscious and she could hear her whispering something over and over again but her voice was too quiet for Andy to understand anything, “Maya stay with me okay, we’re almost there” she said, now placing her hand on the blonde’s shoulder when she tried to lift her head.

All of a sudden, the blonde’s whispered chants stopped as her eyes closed and she started to seize.

Chapter Text

“I would go anywhere that you lead. I am hopeless, breathless, burning slow. Touch me, hold me, tell me, ‘I won't let you go’”

Then, Paris 2012

“Have you done this before?” Maya asks her as she leads both of them down a dark alleyway. There are no people around and the entire place is eerily quiet, but Carina isn’t too worried about any of it. 

“Just once” she replied with a small shy smile on her face not wanting Maya to sense her nervousness at the moment.

“So you often bring girls you met in bars down other alleys then?” her brow still furrowed, Carina could tell she was curious but didn’t outright want to ask where they were going.

“I wouldn’t say often” she shrugged and gave the blonde a smirk before looking up ahead again, stopping when she reached a tall building. “Okay we’re here” Carina pointed forward.

Maya’s frown deepened, “You brought me to a church?” she watched as the blonde stared up at the large cathedral, its large iron doors and brick building possibly intimidating to her. 

Carina grabbed her hand and walked towards the doors, placing a hand on the iron root handle and pushing it back. “You aren’t religious right, maybe I should have asked you this before bringing you here” she looked around at the dark interior, the candles providing the only source of light that shimmered in those blue eyes as Carina looked back at her. 

Maya just shook her head and said “No” before nudging the brunette's hand to keep moving forward. She was curious to see why she had been dragged out of the bar with a promise of a 'night to remember' and had somehow ended up in a church with her hands clasped tightly in Carina’s, “I just hope you know what you’re doing”

Carina rolled her eyes. She could already tell that the blonde had never done something like this before, which only made her more excited to be the one who showed her to loosen up. 

The inside of the Chruch was beautiful; the color-stained windows allowed streetlights to seep in, illuminating the high ceilings and intricate carvings on the walls and archways, but Carina thought the sight most beautiful were those ocean blue eyes staring up at it all taking it in. 

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” the brunette said running her thumb over the back of Maya’s hand.

“Yeah, it is” the olympian sighed taking it all in before looking back at the brunette’s gaze that hadn’t left her face since they’d stepped inside, “You’re right this was definitely better than wasting the night away at some bar”

“If you think this is good, just wait” she whispers her face now inches away from Maya’s making the blonde swallow hard. “Just follow me okay?”

Maya found that it was hard to say no to Carina, especially when her brown eyes got all big and pleading. She didn’t need to think twice before nodding once again. She would follow the brunette anywhere. 

Carina leads her towards the right next to velvet ropes that block their path to whatever is behind. She lifts one foot over the rope and then the next, urging Maya to do the same. The brunette keeps walking till she sees a corridor leading down an even darker path. 

Maya seems a little uncertain but follows her anyways as they both end up in a room that resembled a wine cellar. Maya realized they were likely bottles of communion wine. She gasped as Carina walked towards one shelf near the end of the room before picking up a bottle and walking back towards Maya, reaching for her hand once again. 

“Carina-” she started but was interrupted by the blonde’s finger on her lips, the sudden move making her breathless. 

“Just trust me?” she questioned and Maya relented, nodding and following her once more. “Let’s go”, they both stepped out of the hallway and into another, now almost running as Carina held a bottle of wine in one hand and Maya’s palm in the other. 

They reached a set of stairs and started climbing up. The spiral stairs were seemingly endless and got narrower the higher they went. 

“Where are we going?” curiosity got the best of Maya and the question that had been stuck in her throat since the minute they stepped out of the bar, was now finally free. 

“You’ll see soon, calmati ” she whispers and Maya knows there’s no one around, no danger of anyone overhearing them, but it’s almost as if it’s a secret that’s just theirs. 

The blonde is about to reply when they reach the top of the staircase and stand in the middle of a bricked room. She looks at Carina who’s now pointing to a place above their heads. Maya follows her line of sight to see bells hanging above, attached to a gear system, and it’s then she realizes that they’re likely in the bell tower. 

“So?” Carina asks her but Maya finds herself speechless for the second time today, not having the words to explain how unreal this all felt. 

The brunette just walked her up to the glass windows pointing down. Maya had never seen anything like it, the view making her gasp as the entire city lay out in front of her. She could feel the heat of Carina’s gaze on her making her blush and shake her head to get rid of the tint. 

“ Andiamo, the view’s better from up here,” she said once again pulling on their joint set of hands, Maya wanted her to never let go. 

They both stood in front of a large wooden ladder that led to a platform. Carina climbed up first before looking down to watch Maya do the same. Once they were both seated she scooted closer to the blonde and placed the bottle of wine between the two, pulling the loose cork open with her teeth. 

Maya knew it was an image that was going to be replaying in her head for days as she thought about all the different scenarios in which the trick could come in handy. She just bit her bottom lip and looked ahead at the view, and for the first time made the first move to reach for the brunette’s hand which rested upon the ledge. 

“This is my favorite view in all of Paris” Carina whispered leaning closer but still looking ahead, “Way better than the view from La tour Eiffel ” even though Maya had nothing to compare it to she found herself agreeing with Carina. 

Maya took a few seconds to just look at the woman as she brought the wine to her lips before setting the bottle down once again. She found herself staring at Carina’s slender nose and her sharp jaw before her sight settled on rosy lips that were slightly reddened by wine. Her gaze finally settled on brown eyes as they looked up ahead, now lightly hazy as if the brunette was lost in thought. 

“You okay?” she nudged Carina’s shoulder with her own making her snap out of it and look at Maya instead.

“ Si, it’s just that the last time I was here was with my brother and we were both younger, so it just brings back memories” she smiled at the blonde and Maya felt herself feeling relieved that the memories were good and not bad. 

She realized she couldn’t say the same about her and Mason, not remembering the last time both of them had felt at peace in each other’s company. 

“So you don’t bring all the girls inside mysterious churches to woo them?” she asked instead trying to get away from the thoughts of her family.

Carina laughed and shook her head “No, just you bella ”

Maya scrunched her eyebrows at the word “What did you just say?” she asked curiously but Carina just shrugged 

“You’ll just have to wait and find out I guess bella ”

“Oh is that so?” Maya asked prompting Carina to nod vigorously flashing her a full and cheesy smile, “I guess I could always look it up” her tone teasing. 

Carina just scooted closer to Maya, not leaving an inch of space between their bodies, and whispered in her ear “Now where’s the fun in that”

The heat from her breath tickled Maya’s neck and made her swallow. She knew if she turned her head even slightly her lips would be impossibly close to Carina’s and she wasn’t too sure that she would be able to resist the woman. 

Instead, Maya reached around Carina’s torso and grabbed the bottle of wine moving back and taking a large gulp, before making a slight face and placing the bottle back down. She turned to look back at Carina who was now looking at her with a questioning glint in her eye.

“I’ve never had wine before” Maya shrugged and Carina chucked

“I can tell, which is a shame because wine is a delicacy I hold dear to my heart” She placed her hands on her chest and looked at Maya with a pout. 

“I don’t know if I like it” she whispered making Carina gasp in offense clutching her chest tighter. 

“You do know you are sitting next to an Italian right?” the brunette stated and Maya just smiled up at her sheepishly, “Non posso crederci, I guess I will just have to teach you how to love wine bambina ”

Carina said it with such surety that the blonde just had to ask, “You promise?”, a smile settling on her face as Carina nodded and held her hand. 

As they sat on the platform, watching dawn slightly approach surrounding them slowly, the prospect of more time together proved to be overwhelming and exhilarating for both women. 

Chapter Text

“But I can see us lost in the memory, August slipped away into a moment in time, 'cause it was never mine, and I can see us twisted in bedsheets, August sipped away like a bottle of wine, 'cause you were never mine”

Then, Paris 2012

“I think this wine is getting to me,” Maya said now feeling slightly buzzed as she looked back at Carina who now had her eyes closed and was leaning back up against one of the walls as her feet hung on either side of the platform. 

The comment made the brunette open her eyes looking at Maya teasingly before saying, “lightweight” making the blonde scoff, “What? it’s true you’ve barely had any” she held up the bottle, still half full, “In fact, I’m the one who drank most of this” she laughed

Maya chose to ignore the teasing and instead said, “I still can’t believe you stole wine from a church” 

“I thought you said you weren’t religious” Carina crinkled her brows 

“It’s still stealing” the olympian replied but she was just waved off by the brunette, who just grinned and took another sip before shrugging and looking at the blonde as if to say too late now. “I’ve just never really done anything like this” Maya looks down at her hands trying to hide from Carina’s gaze. 

Carina figures the blonde is trying to open up and so she decides to give her the space to do so, but when Maya remains looking down at her hands not saying a word she decides to break the silence, “Just between you and me, I’ve never stolen wine from a church I’d broken into in the middle of the night either” 

She’s pleasantly surprised when a smile breaks out on Maya’s face as she meets her eyes, “Oh?”

“ Si, breaking and entering? Maybe, but the stealing was a first”

The blonde just gasped and said dramatically, “I’m sharing stolen wine with a criminal”

“ Stai zitto, you’re the one who followed a possible criminal to an empty church” Carina shrugged fighting the smile off her face but failed when she saw the blonde’s face break into a grin of her own

Maya just shook her head before looking down at her hands again, “What I meant before was that I’d never broken any rules before” Carina was slightly taken aback by the vulnerability of the statement, by how small Maya suddenly looked with her shoulders curling in on herself, “I’ve never even done the little things, like breaking curfew or skipping school with friends. I’ve just always followed a strict schedule, everything in my life had to be planned and calculated and perfect .” she looked back up at Carina, her eyes soft and sad, “but this- this was nice, so thank you” 

Maya didn’t have to thank her but Carina didn’t point that out instead she said, “Remember how I told you I’ve only been here once before?” the blonde nodded so she continued, “Well it was with my little brother, Andrea. My mamma and papá had brought us here one summer when we were kids, it was supposed to be a relaxing vacation but both of them couldn’t stop arguing over the little things. Even then I knew it was only a matter of time before their marriage fell apart, but Andrea? He only saw the good in people, he still does.” a humorless laugh escaped her, “normally I would sneak into his room and distract him, but we were on vacation which meant our hotel room was right next to theirs, and the screaming was so loud .”

She paused when she felt Maya’s warm hand slowly come up to her cheek as the blonde ran the pad of her thumb over it, effectively wiping off the tear that had slipped without her knowledge. She saw Maya retract her hand before nodding slightly, encouraging her to continue. 

“That night I told him we were going for a little adventure and took his hand as we both ran down the street and ended up at this church we had been to the day before with mamma. I’d only planned to sit there until I was sure our parents would be asleep, but Andrea was always a little bit of a runner. He ran off behind the ropes and ended up at this staircase and I caught him just as he was going to climb it, but curiosity got the better of both of us and we ended up here.” she frowned remembering what happened after, “It’s the last happy memory I had of us before we went back to Italy and our parents separated, my mamma going to the states with Andrea and leaving me behind in Italy with papá .” 

Carina wondered what it was about Maya that left her pouring her heart out to the blonde but when she looked up at her eyes expecting to see pity or sympathy, she instead saw understanding which urged the brunette to say the one thing she had yet to entirely process, “My mamma passed away last week. It wasn’t sudden, Andrea and I had known it was coming, she had been sick for a while, but when it happened I couldn’t stay there anymore and so I came here to remember the happy moments from our last vacation together. I didn’t plan on coming here again but I’m glad I did. So thank you, for coming with me,” she smiled at the blonde, “Sometime’s not following our plans isn’t the worst thing”.

The look in Maya’s eyes was too much for her, too vulnerable, too soft, and so she turned around clearing her throat, “What do you say we get out of here before it’s light outside and someone finds us”, she says standing up and offering a hand to the olympian and is grateful when she takes it without question. 

They make their way down the staircase, staying quiet to listen for any voices, and are almost at the door when she hears two sets of voices outside. Carina almost freezes at the sound before pulling Maya towards a narrower hall, nearly knocking the Olympian off her feet. She reaches a door and pulls Maya inside, the space is dark and cramped but is obviously a storage closet. 

“Wha-”

Carina moves closer to Maya, her hand coming up to the blonde’s face and covering her mouth, instantly silencing her with the force of the action as her back hits the wall behind her. That’s when Maya hears it too, footsteps slowly approaching them, conversing in French. It’s dark enough to the point where Maya can’t see her face but if her heartbeat against Maya’s chest is anything to go by, she’s as panicked as the blonde feels right now. 

Maya waits as the footsteps get closer and closer, waits for someone to open the door and find them. Of course, the first time she breaks a rule she gets caught for her. Maya had never believed in luck, but if she did, now would be the moment when she would fault her luck for running out. The voices are still approaching as Maya holds her breath and tries to listen to the sound of the doorknob rattling or the creak of the door as it opens, but it never comes, instead, she hears the sound of retreating footsteps and fading voices. 

Carina breathes in deeply and says, “Come on, we have to go before they come back, stay close to me and stay quiet”

Maya nods and waits as the brunette opens the door just an inch to peek outside. There’s a long silence as the blonde watches her look around, now that the fear has settled a bit, Maya is more aware of their chests pressed against each other, of Carina’s hand on her hip. There isn’t an inch of space between the two and Maya can feel it all, her fingers on Carina’s skin as she holds her hips under her coat, right where the brunette’s top has risen slightly, the rise and fall of her breasts as she breathes heavily, the expanse of her neck right in front of her eyes, in front of her lips so that if she moved an inch forward-

“Bella-”

“Hm?” Maya hums breaking out of her trance at the name and looking up at those brown eyes

“As nice as this is. You need to let go of me if we’re going to get out of here anytime soon” she replies cheekily

Embarrassed, Maya pulls her hands away from Carina, removing her hands from her hips in the process, “Right. Sorry.”

“Don’t be” she whispers back, before opening the door once again and slowly stepping out, “Let’s go”, she holds out her hand to Maya once again as they both make a slow and quiet run towards the church doors. 

***

Carina doesn’t realize it until they’re standing outside, but she’s somehow led Maya through the streets of Paris and toward her hotel. She stops outside the building awkwardly shoving her hands inside the pockets of her coat. “So…this is me,” she whispers unsure if she should end their night here or invite the blonde upstairs.

“Oh” Maya looks up at her conflicted and Carina wonders if the olympian shares her feelings. She had bared her soul to the blonde and it felt weird to let her just walk away. 

Maya on the other hand felt conflicted, but it was mostly due to the fact that she found herself standing an inch away from Carina for the third time that night, the urge to kiss the woman ever present, but Carina was grieving, it felt as if making any sort of move now would be wrong and untasteful, so she stood there, waiting for Carina’s next words, ready to do whatever the brunette suggested. 

The blonde was shocked, to say the least when she felt Carina’s wavering hands on her hips. The warmth from her fingers was a contrast to the cold air around them. The sun had barely started to come out, the streetlights around them still illuminating their faces as a set of brown eyes looked down at her lips waiting, searching for consent. It only took a slight nod of her head for Carina to lean down and close the distance. 

The softness of the kiss was unexpected for Maya as their mouths moved against each other, Carina’s lips warm on top of hers. The brunette brought one of her hands up to Maya’s cheek, delicately cupping it before turning her face and opening her mouth to deepen the kiss. When their tongues met Maya felt as if she couldn’t breathe anymore, the electrifying sensation coursing through her body as she placed a firm hand behind Carina’s neck to pull her impossibly closer. The space between them was almost non-existent. 

She pulled lightly on the small hairs at the nape of Carina’s neck which caused the woman to let out a low moan, making Maya pull back gasping for air. She looked at Carina, searching for her eyes but the woman had them clamped shut as she breathed in and out. She leaned her forehead against her’s which caused brown eyes to fly open staring into a pair of ocean blues, both breathing the same air as they let the silence between them settle. 

Carina was the first one to break it, “Do you want to come upstairs?”

The blonde almost says yes but stops when she’s slammed with overwhelming guilt. She reminds herself that Carina is grieving the loss of her mother and they’ve both had wine and it’s possible that the brunette made a decision to kiss her out of avoidance. Maya’s mind starts spiraling as she considers her lack of self-restraint, questioning if Carina even wanted any of this at all-

“Hey,” the sound of the Italian’s voice and the pressure of her hand on Maya’s hip pulls her attention back to the present. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, we can just part ways right here and never speak again if that’s what you want” but even as she hears the thought and sees Carina scrunch her forehead, she knows it’s something that neither of them wants.

She shakes her head, “No”

“ Va bene, how about this, you can come up to my room and we can lie down on my bed and talk about anything and everything you want, or we can stay silent just staring at each other, although I don’t know how long I can go without talking” she rambles and Maya finds the whole thing entirely endearing as she nods her head.

“Lead the way”

Carina breaks into a smile as she pulls Maya into the building and to the elevator as she stands back waiting for it to open. Once it does, both women step inside and let the doors close behind them, the sound pulling their attention back to each other. Carina’s still smiling at her when the doors open and she offers her hand to Maya once again, the blonde gladly taking it as they walk towards the Italian’s room. 

By now, the sun had come up, entirely lighting up the room as both women made their way to the bed, Carina plopping down after taking off her heels urging Maya to do the same. 

Carina made well on her promise and never forced Maya to talk, often carrying the conversion herself, talking about her family and her brother, and sharing more stories of the two as kids, a fact that made Maya open up about her own brother;

“His name’s Mason, and he’s only about 3 years younger than me. We’re not as close as you and your brother, mostly because we don’t have much in common. All I do is run, and even though my dad tried to coach him too when we were kids, he’s always been more artistic and so he gave up after a while, focusing all his attention on me and my career at the Olympics,” Maya takes a pause, taking in a shaky breath, “He overdosed a little over 3 months ago-” she saw Carina raise an eyebrow and she knew the question before it ever came and she nodded, “It was the morning of my race, and my dad with me winning that he completely ignored my mom when she told him. He didn’t even tell me until much later when I had crossed the finish line, telling me to go get my medal right after as if nothing had happened-” she shook her head as the tears started to fall 

“Oh bella,” Carina placed a hand on her thigh and Maya tried her best to not move away, clenching her teeth and closing her fists to stay there. She wasn’t always the best with other people touching her, especially when the intention behind it was pity, but she reminded herself that Carina didn’t pity her, she didn’t think Maya was weak and fragile, instead, the brunette was looking at her as if she’d never seen a person stronger. It made her feel worse because she didn’t deserve it, she deserved to be blamed, she was the reason her brother had almost died…

“He’s okay now, I think,” she felt the need to add because she really didn’t know how her brother was doing as of today, “I haven’t spoken to any of them in 3 months, ever since I came here. I just don’t know how to face Mason after everything, knowing if I had been there for him, or if I’d heard him out, or if I had never gone to the Olympics-”

“Maya, hey, look at me. You can't blame yourself for this, the guilt will eat you alive, and I know that it’s not my place but maybe you should talk to your brother, you never know what he’s thinking unless you do. It’s never too late to start being there for him, take it from someone who lost all contact with her brother when our parents separated, but we found our way back to each other and I believe that if you talk to Mason, you can do the same too, si?”

Maya nodded her head understanding what Carina was saying, she would try again with Mason as soon as she got the chance, she would follow Carina's advice. Carina who had now drifted off into another Christmas memory she shared with her brother, and somewhere along in the story the blonde found herself drifting off to sleep. 

***

Carina woke up when she heard her alarm go off at 9, she’d barely gotten 4 hours of sleep but she felt well-rested despite it. She rolled around expecting to see the blonde’s face next to her, lightly snoring away in her sleep like she had seen her do before Carina drifted off, but the space next to her was empty. She tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes as she looked around, but there was no sign of Maya anywhere, her side of the bed was still warm but the blonde and her things were long gone.

Chapter Text

“Don’t read the last page, but I stay when you’re lost, and I’m scared, and you’re turning away”

Now, Seattle 2023

As the aid car screeched to a halt outside the entrance to the Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital, the doors burst open and firefighters rushed out, a gurney between them with Maya’s pale body on top. Blood soaked her clothes and dripped onto the floor as they wheeled her toward the ER doors.

Andy ran alongside the gurney, her eyes fixed on her friend's face. "Maya," she said, her voice tight with worry. "Maya, can you hear me?"

There was no response, her eyes closed and her breathing shallow. Andy's heart sank as she watched the doctors swarm around the gurney, assessing her condition and barking orders to one another.

"What happened?" asked one of the doctors, looking up at Andy.

"We've got a 32-year-old female, Maya Bishop," she explained as she rushed towards them. "She's been impaled by a piece of metal, and she's losing blood quickly. She's been unconscious for a few seconds now, and she had a seizure before we got here."

The doctors and nurses were quick to take over from there, pushing the gurney toward one of the trauma rooms. Andy followed, feeling helpless and scared as they cut away Maya's clothes and began assessing her injuries. She knew that Maya was in good hands, but the sight of her best friend in pain was too much to bear.

"We need to get her into surgery right away. She's losing blood quickly." one of the doctors said grimly. 

Andy watched as they led her best friend away, pacing back and forth, her thoughts racing. Maya had always been the strong one, the one who kept everyone together. She was the captain, the leader, the one who made the tough calls. Now, she was lying on an operating table, fighting for her life.

She felt numb as she walked towards the waiting room and sat down next to Jack and the rest of their team that had been on the call with them. She felt Jack’s hand on her shoulder, offering a small bit of comfort. "Maya's strong," he said, trying to sound reassuring. "She's going to make it through this." Andy nodded at his words knowing she had to hold on to something. Maya was strong, she was going to make it. 

***

Maya felt herself drifting in and out of consciousness as the anesthesia took hold. She could hear the beeping of the machines in the background, and the sound of the surgeon's voice as he prepared to operate on her impaled abdomen. She closed her eyes, hoping to drift away into a dreamless sleep.

But instead, she felt like she was floating in a vast ocean, her body weightless and free from pain. She could feel a warm breeze brush against her skin, the smell of salty water filling her nostrils. She opened her eyes and saw that she was on a beautiful beach. The sand was soft and golden, the water crystal clear and sparkling in the sunlight. The sun was beating down on her skin, and she could feel the heat seeping into her bones. She looked around, marveling at the beauty of her surroundings. The beach looked familiar, and she realized that it was one she had seen before, in Italy, with Carina . 

She thought she was reliving a memory and looked around to spot the brunette but instead, she saw the figure of another woman standing near the shore, with long dark hair and a strikingly beautiful side profile. She walked up to the woman, prompting her to look back at Maya, who was struck with a sense of familiarity. 

"Maya," the woman said, smiling warmly at her. "It's good to see you, even under these circumstances"

“Mrs. DeLuca?” she had seen old pictures of the woman on Carina’s phone. Pictures of her with both siblings, on holidays and first days of school. She had even seen some of her standing on this exact beach, in this exact spot, looking out at the ocean. Maya wondered if that’s where her imagination stemmed from. 

“Just Lucia is fine,” she said with a welcoming and motherly smile, "I've been waiting for you cara " her gentle Italian accent was calming and safe, something Maya associated with home, with Carina. "I'm here to keep you company”

Maya was confused. "And where is here?"

Lucia gestured around them. "We are in a place between worlds, where the living and the dead can come together to share their thoughts and feelings."

Maya looked down at her feet, realizing that she was wearing a hospital gown. "Am I dead?"

Lucia shook her head. "Not yet. But you are in danger. The doctors are doing everything possible to save you, but your condition is very serious. You need to fight to stay alive, Maya. You have so much to live for." She put a hand on Maya’s shoulder. "Don't be afraid, Maya. You're strong, and you're a fighter"

Maya nodded, feeling grateful for Lucia's presence. She had grown to love Carina’s family, even though she had never met them in person. She had heard so much about Lucia and had always wanted to meet the woman. 

"She loves you very much, you know," Lucia said, breaking the silence. "Carina. She talks to me about you all the time"

Maya smiled, as her heart swelled with emotion and she felt a pang of sadness in her heart, “I love her too, so much”. She knew Carina missed her mamma more than anything, and that Carina would often visit the woman’s grave, sitting there for hours talking about her life, but it was different knowing that Maya had come up in conversation too, often, all the time. “I miss her", it had been so long since they had shared the same physical space. 

Maya had planned to change that, before all of this

Lucia smiled warmly once again, "I know you do, mia cara ”, she squeezed Maya’s shoulder, “Which is why you need to fight, for her, for yourself, for your futures”

“I don’t know how” tears had started to prickle at Maya’s eyes, “I don’t-”

Lucia's hushed the blonde pulling her into a warm embrace. Maya felt a sense of peace and comfort wash over her, as though Lucia's embrace was the only thing anchoring her to reality. She closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face, and felt as though she had been given a lifeline, a way to cling to hope in the midst of the darkness that surrounded her.

As she held onto Lucia, Maya felt her body begin to tremble. She felt as though she was being pulled away from the dream, back into the harsh reality of the hospital room. When she looked back up Lucia’s figure had begun to fade away. 

"Wait" Maya cried out, her voice desperate.

“Give in Maya, let go”, the woman’s voice was getting fainter until all that was left was the sound of the ocean and the golden sand beneath Maya's feet. 

She was alone on the beach with nothing but her thoughts. 

***

As the minutes turned into hours, the waiting room at Grey-Sloan Hospital felt more and more suffocating. The team sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts about Maya's condition.

Andy looked around and saw the rest of her team sitting quietly, their eyes glued to the floor. They were all thinking the same thing - what if Maya didn't make it? What would happen to them? She knew they were all worried about her, but nobody wanted to talk about it.

Suddenly, the doors to the room burst open and a doctor stepped in, causing everyone to jump to their feet, “Captain Maya Bishop?”

"I’m her lieutenant. Is she okay? How's Maya?" Andy asked, her voice trembling with fear.

The doctor hesitated for a moment, his eyes scanning the woman before he spoke.

"Maya is stable for now, but she's still in critical condition. We were able to remove the metal from her abdomen, but she lost a lot of blood and her body is still in shock” he paused unsure if he should share the next bit of information, he was after all only a resident.

He was about to continue when a shorter woman approached the group after exiting the same doors the other doctor had walked through. 

“Bailey”, Andy sighed in relief, she knew Warren’s wife was one of the best surgeons out there. Maya was getting the best the hospital had to offer. 

“It’s okay Schmitt, I’ll take it from here”, she said dismissing the resident, “I have an update on her condition, but I need to speak with her power of attorney first. Is there anyone here who is her POA”

Andy shook her head, she had no idea who her best friend’s POA was. Maya was the captain, the one who knew everything about everyone. She had never talked much about her personal life, but Andy knew Maya and her father weren’t on the best terms, she wondered if the man was still her power of attorney. “I don’t know who her POA is, it might be her father but they’re not exactly on talking terms” 

Bailey looked at the woman grimly, “Is there any way to confirm?” 

Jack stepped up behind her, “Maya usually has these things on file, there’s probably one in her office at the station with all the details”, Andy nodded, she didn’t know why the thought hadn’t crossed her mind but that’s why she was grateful for Jack’s presence. “I’ll call the station, Vic should be on desk duty”, he said as he fetched his phone and walked outside the room. 

“Is it that bad?” Andy turned to the doctor once again, fishing for any kind of information. 

“We're monitoring her closely and doing everything we can, but we need to discuss her options with her power of attorney."

"What do you mean, options?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Bailey hesitated for a moment before answering, these people were Maya’s family, "Based on Maya's injuries and her current condition, we believe that she may need a liver transplant. We need to discuss it with her POA and see if they're willing to go through with the surgery if it comes to that."

"And what if we don’t find her POA? Or if it’s her dad, Bailey he can’t be left responsible for Maya’s life" Andy asked, her voice shaky.

The woman looked at her sympathetically, "Then we'll have to look into other options. But for now, we need to focus on her care and wait for Jack to return with information about her POA."

***

Jack rushed back to the waiting room and everyone stood up eager to know what the man had found. “Vic found the file, there are forms inside but there isn’t much information”

“What do you mean?” Andy questioned him her brows furrowed, he’d either found Maya’s POA or he hadn’t.

“It’s complicated-” he started but was cut off by the woman once again

“Oh no is it her dad”, Andy frantically started pacing once again running her hands through her hair. Jack rushed to her side and stopped her movements.

“It’s not her dad, let me speak first?” Andy nodded and he continued, “Although in some ways it might have been easier if it was”, the woman furrowed her brows, confused about what the sentence meant. “There’s only a name and a number in the files, and the number is international”

Andy’s frown deepened, “What do you mean international? What’s the name?”, she needed the man to come out with the information and not be so cryptic, none of them had the time for it at this moment. 

“Not one either me or Vic recognized. She said it was someone named Carina DeLuca?” Jack raised his brow questioningly

“Who the hell is Carina DeLuca-”

Chapter Text

“Sometimes I wonder; when you sleep, are you ever dreaming of me? Sometimes when I look into your eyes, I pretend you’re mine, all the damn time”

Then, Seattle 2013

She stepped out of the plane onto the tarmac at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, the cool autumn air sending a shiver down her spine. She had been looking forward to arriving in the new city, eager to visit her brother and explore, but as the plane landed and taxied towards the gate, Carina's heart started to race with anticipation.

It was this weird feeling in the pit of her stomach like there was something she had been forgetting, a memory almost made its way to her mind but it was too far to catch, slipping away the moment Carina thought too much about it. 

As she stepped out of the plane and onto the jet bridge, the cool, crisp air of the Pacific Northwest hit her face, sending a shiver down her spine. She took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of fresh pine and saltwater that filled the air. The airport was bustling with travelers, their voices and footsteps echoing off the walls. She made her way through the crowded terminal, her eyes scanning the signs and maps for directions to baggage claim.

She finally found it and stood there waiting for her bags to catch her sight. Carina was only there for the weekend but the Italian wasn’t particularly known for packing light, she needed to be prepared for every situation, and dress for it, she had held pride in fashion and expressing herself, she wouldn’t give that up even if it meant enduring days worth of teasing from her brother. 

As she walked out of the baggage claim area, Carina saw him standing there, waiting for her, a big smile on his face. He ran over to hug her, and Carina felt the weight of the past few hours lifting off her shoulders. She was always glad to see him, her other half, her escape from papa’s expectations and taunts. 

“I see you’ve packed for the occasion once again,” he said reaching out for her bags so he could lead them both to his car. 

She just rolled her eyes, the words were expected and familiar, and she needed predictable right now, especially after the last few weeks- “It’s nice to see you too fratellino. ”

“Hey! I never said it wasn’t, mi sei mancata sorella ” (I missed you sister)

She reached out to give him a side hug that he rejected at first but then gave in “anche io” (me too), she ruffled his hair which made him let out another annoyed sigh but she knew it was all for show, the words were true as they ever were, and more and more every day she wished they didn’t have to be, that she didn’t have to be away from him, but papa was sick and he’d already lost one parent, she couldn’t let him lose another. Even if most days it felt like Carina had already lost him. 

As they walked towards the car, Carina shivered, the air was even cooler than inside. She pulled her jacket tighter around her, feeling the chill in her bones. She hated the cold more than anything, maybe staying in Italia wasn’t the worst thing, she didn’t know what she would do living in a city with chilly weather and unpredictable rains every day. Even the thought had her shuddering again, glad she’d successfully made her way into the car as she closed the door behind her. 

“Thanks for the help” Andrew called out as he lifted the second bag to load it inside the trunk of his car. 

“My pleasure” she replied cheekily. She knew he didn’t mind the luggage but teasing each other was what their relationship had always been, whether it was over the phone miles away, or sitting in the car right next to each other. 

He finally started the engine and pulled out of the airport parking lot before turning to her slightly to get her attention, “So, how was the flight?”

“Ugh, boring, and so so long” The flight from Italy to Seattle wasn’t a short one and the layovers themselves had Carina bored and seeking the comfort of a bed. “And uncomfortable”

“Didn’t you ride in first class?” he looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“ Si and?” she questioned the man as if that was a good enough reason to enjoy a 15-hour flight. 

“Did you at least get any sleep?” 

“Hmm, yes, but I’m still a little tired” She shrugged once again letting out a little yawn, the thought of a bed was inviting enough to where she found herself closing her eyes for a second. 

“Too tired to go grab some food before heading back to the campus?”

Her eyes shot open, her brother knew her too well, “You know I’d never say no to food Andrea” she gasped in mock offense

“ Andrew-”

“Not this again” she let out a frustrated grunt, “It’s your given name fratellino, bisogna abbracciarlo” (You have to embrace it)

Her brother ignored the comment and instead said, “I know this diner, it’s not too far from here. We can get milkshakes and fries-”

“And mozzarella sticks” she added pouting her lips in his direction even if he was facing the road and not her.

“-and mozzarella sticks” He nodded his head in agreement letting out a laugh at the whine he could hear in his sister’s voice. 

“ Grazie, ecco perché sei il mio fratellino preferito” (Thank you, this is why you’re my favorite baby brother), she grinned up at him, her teeth on full display. 

“Sono il tuo unico fratellino” (I am your only baby brother)

“Sì e il mio preferito” (Yes, and my favorite)

***

As they reached the diner, Andrew parked his car outside and the siblings reached to open their respective doors. Carina observed the establishment the moment they stepped inside, it was cozy and warm, and the smell of freshly cooked food filled the air. 

The restaurant wasn’t entirely loud and crowded, but it wasn’t empty either. She could see groups of people around Andrew’s age littered around different booths. Some were talking animatedly and some were quietly enjoying their food. 

Her brother pointed to a booth near the window and she followed him as she sat down on the opposite side facing him. As soon as they’d sat down a waiter approached them and set the menu’s front of them, telling them to look it over and that she’d be back to take their order soon, Carina thanked the woman and faced her brother again who was already drooling over the possible choices. 

As they perused the menu, Carina heard the bell of the door sound somewhere behind her, and a few voices trailing right behind it. She assumed it was another group of college students by how their voices echoed around the establishment as they talked about some sort of game? She couldn’t really tell but the voices were distracting, particularly one voice, barely, it was more of a muffled laugh, and it made the hairs behind her neck rise. 

The sound was familiar but she couldn’t place it at that moment. She looked behind to catch a glimpse of the face but all she saw was a group of people in similar outfits standing at the front, possibly waiting for their order. They were all grouped up together and it was hard to pick out any faces. 

Andrew noticed Carina's looking behind and followed her gaze. "Did you see someone you know?" he asked because of her furrowed brows and contemplative stare. 

“Not really? I don’t know.” she shrugged and turned back to him.

He looked back up to where she was looking and saw the crowd humming confused, “That’s the track team, they’re always here after their meets, especially if one of them finishes in the top 3, which is mostly all the time because of their star runner” he shrugs, “I’m not sure you would know any of them though” he scrunched up his brows in a similar manner to hers as if he was deep in thought. 

Carina nodded, “Yeah you’re probably right” It was her first time in Seattle and it was not like she knew anyone who had moved here. 

The weird feeling in her stomach came back but she pushed it away, it was probably nothing. 

She looked back behind her but the group was long gone, possibly only there to pick up their food. The Italian didn’t get much time to dwell on it as the waiter came back and asked the duo for their orders. 

When their food came they both enjoyed it in peace, any thoughts about familiar people and laughs, were now long gone from her mind. 

***

After lunch, as Andrew led Carina to his college campus, she couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and nervousness. It was her first time visiting Andrew's college, and she was eager to see what it was like, to meet his closest friends, and to know the company her brother surrounded himself with. She couldn’t help but feel a sense of protectiveness too, the feeling that had been there ever since the loss of their mother, the urge to step up and be there for her little brother. 

She knew she could be overwhelming to her brother at times, especially over phone calls when he seemed too far, but she knew that he understood it was something she had to do, something that gave her mind peace, but her brother being himself had made her promise not to be overbearing this weekend and so she would do her best to oblige him. 

As they walked around the campus, it was bustling with activity, with students walking to and fro, and groups of friends chatting and laughing. Andrew led her to his dorm room, which was small but cozy. He showed her around, pointing out the different posters and pictures he had hung up, and introducing her to his roommate, who was playing video games in the corner.

He didn’t reply at first but Andrew assured her that was just how he was to everyone that walked into the room. The dig made the boy look up at Andrew ready to deny the allegations until he met Carina’s eyes and quickly stood up, his face slightly red and bushed, “H-Hi” he said reaching a hand out, “I’m M-Michael, Mikey, Andrew’s roommate”

She laughed slightly and reached a hand out to meet his, “ Ciao, sono Carina ” The contact made heat shoot up his face further and Carina’s smile grew. The boy was probably not much older than 18 or 19, which made the reaction all the more endearing in a childlike manner. "Nice to meet you," she said, trying to put him at ease.

"Y-yeah, nice to meet you too," he stuttered, still blushing, before turning around back to his game in an attempt to hide his face. 

"He seems nice," she said to Andrew as he led her outside and closed the door behind him.

"He’s a good guy" Andrew nodded. "A bit shy, but he opens up the more you get to know him."

Carina nodded, feeling a bit more at ease. Being surrounded by good people was all she had wanted for her brother. She could see that he was happy here, it was one less thing it seemed that she had to worry about. The thought of her father snuck in again but she pushed it aside, she was here for Andrew and only him, she would take all the distractions she could get this weekend, to keep her father, his declining mental health, and his ability to shield himself away from her help, to the side. 

***

The next day, Andrew had suggested taking her to some of the touristy spots in Seattle since it was Carina’s first time in the city and she had begrudgingly agreed. She had expected more of a fun and light weekend with some possible drinking involved, but she’d walk through the ice-cold Seattle weather if that’s what Andrew wanted to do. It just didn’t mean she was going to not complain about the cold every chance she got. 

He took her to the famous Pike Place Market, where they tasted delicious fresh seafood and watched street performers play music and entertain the crowds, and she had to admit the experience was fun .

He took her to the Space Needle and Carina was in awe of the views of the city and the surrounding mountains, and she felt a sense of peace and tranquility up high in the sky, it only lasted a second as the air got colder higher up and she clung to the fabric of her coat. 

Andrew saw the action and laughed before leading her back down, not wanting his sister to complain anymore about her sensitivity to the weather. 

After a while Andrew suggested they grab a quick bite to eat from a nearby food stand and Carina’s stomach growled at the thought of food as she enthusiastically nodded and watched him make his way to the stand to order their food.

She was getting bored waiting for him to return and so she decided to take a walk around the area and explore some more. She had been looking up at the tall buildings walking around when she turned a corner and bumped into a figure speeding in her direction.

“Sorry-”

“ Mi dispiace” 

They both said at the same time looking up at each other. Carina was shocked by the familiarity of those eyes, they seemed bluer than she had remembered, which she didn’t think was possible. It had been a year but the girl in front of her was as beautiful as ever, her jaw sharper and her expression not as tired as it had been before, but there was still a deep sadness behind there somewhere. 

“Maya-” and just as she said the name the feeling in the pit of her stomach that had been ever-present since she landed in Seattle returned. She remembered the last time she’d seen the girl, the last time she’d thought about her, and the feeling of being abandoned in a cold bed also came back with the memories of that night. She’d shared so much with the blonde only to be left without even something as little as a note the next day. 

Maya didn’t say anything, her eyes blinking furiously as she stared up at the brunette as if she couldn’t believe what was happening, as if this was the last thing she’d expected to happen today, the last person she’d expected to run into. And maybe that was the only thought they had in common at that moment. 

Because as Maya’s face showed shock, Carina’s only projected anger and hurt.

Chapter Text

“I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me so right; and how you held me in your arms that September night, the first time you ever saw me cry”

Then, Seattle 2013

“Maya?” the blonde heard the woman in front of her say as she finally looked up into brown eyes, only for them to be staring back at her with a confused but furious expression. 

Maya tried to control her expression, to train her face into one of indifference but she knew the shock must’ve been evident in her eyes and the way her mouth had hung slightly open. She knew both of them were staring the other down, neither expecting to run into the other today. 

The blonde up to this point had assumed that the Italian had probably forgotten her. If it wasn’t for the woman standing in front of her saying her name, she probably would’ve continued to believe so. 

***

“Maya?” there was a hand on her shoulder and a screaming voice in her ear, “Hello? Maya where did you go?” the hand shook her slightly getting slightly more aggressive after each tug until the blonde shook her head and herself out of the memory of what had happened earlier in the day. 

“Sorry Alex,” she looked at her roommate who had a red solo cup held in front of her face, probably containing some weird alcoholic concoction the frat boys had conjured up, “I was just thinking about something”

“You’ve been doing a lot of ‘thinking’ ever since you came back from your run this morning, is everything okay?” the girl asked her, and Maya appreciated her concern, she’d becoming close with the girl ever since their sophomore year when they had met in a Sociology class. Maya had no interest in the subject but the class had become one of her favorites because of the girl. She enjoyed the brunette's company and friendship and felt like it was the first time in her life that her father had no say over who she could and couldn’t talk to. 

It was during their Junior year when the girl had propositioned being roommates and splitting the rent on an apartment near their campus, and Maya had quickly agreed, needing the feeling of having her own space away from her father, even if the place happened to be one she shared. 

But it had been over a year of them living together and the blonde knew that Alex had felt Maya’s distance. She would let the girl open up and talk to her about anything but wouldn’t do the same, often just sharing details about her day and directing her away from topics relating to Maya’s family and specifically her father at first and slowly adding her brother to that same list. Maya had never opened up about either to anyone, and she wouldn’t start now. She knew there would be judgment rather than understanding. 

But you did open up, she thought to herself, about Mason, to Carina, and then ran away like you always do.

Carina who had been a mere stranger to her had shown her compassion and never pity. Who Maya had never expected to see again and yet there she was, in the same city, who had earlier in the day been so close that the blonde could smell her sweet perfume as they had bumped into each other, the smell pulling her right back into the memory. 

***

Maya could tell she had some explaining to do as she looked at the brunette but when she opened her mouth nothing came out, the words somehow lost to space. She was fighting with her mind, the urge to turn around and run away was too strong, but so was the urge to stand there and hope that she wouldn’t have to be the one to break the silence because she had nothing to break it with. 

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you,” A voice pulled them both out of their staring contest which neither party had seemed to be winning. He didn’t notice her at first and rather went straight up to Carina holding a corn dog to her face, making the brunette turn towards him and raise the corner of her mouth in a slight smile accepting the food. 

She looked back at Maya and the blonde realized she was still staring, at her and at the familiar man she knew she had seen before but she could not place. The man probably felt her eyes burning into him because he turned in her direction and lifted his eyebrow in recognition, “Maya Bishop?”

“Uhm…” she replied realizing she’d seen him around campus in passing, but he was younger than her, probably a freshman or a sophomore she realized, they didn’t run in the same circles, they didn’t share any friends, but everyone knew who Maya was. The Olympic Gold Medalist, star of the track team, the girl who’d acquired a reputation because of her ‘Wednesday one night stands’. He could know her from any one of those things and she didn’t know which would be worse. 

She didn’t like to speak about her Gold Medal, the bad memories outweighed the good, and she didn’t entirely mind people knowing about her Wednesdays but this man knew Carina and somehow this was the one thing Maya didn’t want the brunette knowing, there was a feeling in the pit of her stomach, but it was a feeling she could not explain. 

“It’s Andrew, Andrew DeLuca? You probably don’t recognize me but…” he trailed off not knowing what to say.

“...We go to the same college” Maya nodded instead, those were the first words she’d spoken and they weren’t addressed to the other woman but Maya had looked at her the entire time. 

“Yeah” she could see the man nod slightly before he looked between the two women, “I’m sorry, do the two of you know each other”

***

“Maya? You just did it again, you drifted off somewhere-” she heard her friend's voice bringing her back to the present. 

She decided not to apologize again and just grabbed the solo cup out of her hands and chugged the alcohol inside. It tasted like cheap beer mixed with something else as it ran down her throat, making her body warm. Maya just needed to drink and dance her problems away, she was at a college party, and it might not have been a Wednesday but it was never a bad time to flirt her problems away too. 

She grabbed the second cup that her roommate had been holding and quickly drank its contents too, “Hey! That was mine” the girl pouted at her

“Come on, we’ll get you another one,” she said as she dragged the girl by her hand towards the kitchen before grabbing two more cups and filling them with the same awful mix, and handing one to the brunette. Once her pout had disappeared Maya grabbed her hand again and led her outside to where everyone was dancing. 

She placed her empty hand on Alex’s shoulder and they both started to jump to the fast beat of the music reverberating around them, slowly losing themselves to the thumping bass. 

They were maybe two songs in when Maya felt she was being watched. She was used to the attention and she was used to the staring but this was different, it made the hairs at the back of her neck rise as she looked around for the source that had caused her body to get warmer than the alcohol had done. Her eyes scanned the room and landed on nothing. She turned back to her roommate and the heat settled, the burning stare no longer there. 

She’d imagined it all again. She hated how badly her body wanted it to have been the Italian, and how this had happened to her a year ago too, how she had turned corners and expected to run into the brunette again. 

Until it had actually happened, and now the possibility lingered more, it taunted Maya more. She’s not here. The blonde reminded herself but the thought was now long infested in her mind and was hard to get out. 

“I’m going to be right back,” she said excusing herself away from her friend as she made her way to the restroom, she needed to breathe and center herself in a quiet place. 

The crowd had quickly become suffocating as she made her way through it, pushing past the sea of people to get to her destination, but as soon as she threw the door open her body collided with another, someone that had been exiting the same room. 

How does this keep happening to me, she thought as she looked up into those brown eyes again. Maya didn't believe in things like luck and fate but she knew the universe had to have been messing with her at this point. 

“Carina-”

***

“I’m sorry do the two of you know each other?” he looked between both of them, resting his eyes on Carina, the question mostly pointed at her. 

The brunette opened her mouth to respond but before she could get any words out Maya panicked and interrupted her, “No, uhm” she cleared her throat, “no, I was just on my run and I wasn’t paying attention so I ran into her” she looked at the man, Andrew, explaining, before turning back to Carina, “My apologies once again, I’ll let you two be on your way” she raised her hands looking at both of them apologetically

Carina’s eyes flared up in annoyance again but Maya turned her gaze back to the man in order to avoid the stare she was receiving, “Oh okay,” he nodded accepting the answer, “Bye then Maya it was nice running into you?”

She laughed lightly at his attempt at a joke, “You too Andrew, see both of you around.” 

Maya didn’t wait for a response from Carina, not sure if there was even going to be one, not knowing if she was going to see the Italian around at all. That didn’t stop her from hoping.

***

“ Oh Dio ,” The woman in front of her held her chest like she’d been startled before looking up at Maya, “You.”, her eyes got dark at the recognition as her sharp tone cup right through Maya. 

“Carina-” she tried again 

“Oh so now you know my name?” she cut her off once again trying to push past Maya

“Wait Carina, I can explain” She blocked off the Italian's path lodging her hand between Carina and the doors opening. She’d expected another push but to her surprise, Carina just raised her eyebrows in a challenging manner as if she didn’t think Maya could, “I-I was just shocked this morning I didn’t expect to see you.”

The Italian just huffed, “Unbelievable,” she pushed back against Maya’s hand but stayed rooted where she was standing, “I don’t know why I expected more. It’s fine Maya, you were right, we don’t know each other, we shared one meaningless night a year ago, so just let it go okay, I’m sure your girlfriend is waiting”

Maya's mind was racing she didn’t know which part of Carina’s rant to focus on, “She’s just my friend,” It seemed like the easiest answer but when she looked up at the Italian she knew it wasn’t the answer she’d wanted. 

“Right,” she started to walk away again but this time Maya pulled her inside the room away from the blaring music so she could think clearly, “What the hell Maya” Carina shrugged off her hand and pushed her back slightly. 

“I’m sorry, it was just really loud and I needed you to listen to me,” she huffed again but nodded, go on, “It wasn’t meaningless to me and I know it wasn’t meaningless to you or else you wouldn’t have been staring me down angrily,” the Italian opened her mouth to interject but Maya kept going, “Let me finish. I know it was a dick move, leaving in the middle of the night, and then running away again when I saw you this morning, and I’m sorry for both.” she said moving closer to Carina stopping when the Italian’s back hit the door behind her, “But this is who I am, I run away from things, I’m-”

“Rude?” the Italian questioned back 

“Broken?” Maya offered instead

“Well I’m not in the habit of fixing broken people,” she said moving to the side as Maya opened a door for her. 

“I understand” She moved her arm that had been resting on the doorknob as her eyes settled on Carina’s, the anger and frustration in them was long gone replaced by something Maya could not read, they traveled further south settling on the small freckle resting below Carina’s lower lip. The urge to run her finger over was too inviting and so she looked back up at the brown eyes only to find them looking lower. 

“vieni qui,” (Come here) Those words and the way Carina had looked at her were all Maya needed to move her hands back on the knob, pushing the door shut before placing the same hand on the brunette’s hip, moving her until she was pressed tightly against the door before placing her lips on top of Carina’s slightly. 

She pulled back to see Carina’s reaction but to her surprise, the Italian pulled her back harder for a second kiss, one that wasn’t as soft and was instead pure hunger. Their lips crashed together fervently as their hands roamed over each other, Maya’s pulling on the Italian’s top that had been tugged into her pants, while Carina’s grasped the button on her jeans, flicking it open with ease. 

The contrast of Carina’s cool fingers on her warm skin made Maya gasp and lose control of the situation, which the Italian used as an opportunity to push Maya, using the belt loops as an anchor to walk her backward until the blonde collided with the sink. 

The impact startled Maya once again as she broke off the kiss and tilted her head back exposing her neck to be attacked by Carina’s lips. She quickly grabbed Maya’s hips once again while moving her kisses up the blonde’s neck and next to her ear, “Up” was all she said before moving back as she watched Maya nod and comply. 

Maya could feel the brunettes stare on her arms as she used them to prop herself on top of the counter but before she could make a teasing comment Carina’s lips were on hers again, her hands wandering back to the now open jeans as they played with the skin on top of its waistband. 

“Can I-” the ask surprised Maya as her mind scrambled to process what she’d been asked. The brunette looked down to where her hands were resting before looking back up at Maya who nodded aggressively upon understanding. 

She was pulled back in to meet Carina’s lips, hot on top of hers, as the cool fingers slides further south over the fabric of her underwear, the pressure of Carina’s fingers so close to where she needed them most made her let out a silent moan that was muffled by the Italian’s lips. 

But just as her fingers were hovering over the slightly soaked fabric, about to apply pressure, both women were forced apart by the sound of the opening door and the loud noises that followed. Voices that weren’t paying any mind to them as Maya jumped down and pulled her pants closed. 

She cleared her throat not meeting Carina’s eyes as she made her way outside, the Italian hot on her trail. “Maya wait,” she heard the voice behind her making her turn around before her hands were on either side of her hips once again, “do you live close by?” it wasn’t what she expected the question to be but she nodded anyways. The Italian leaned closer to her ear to whisper the next part of her question, “Will you take me there?”

“Really?” Maya said looking around making sure there were no eyes on her. They were still away from the crowd but still in view of anyone who might have been looking their way. 

“ Si bella, take me back to yours” The blonde didn’t need any further incentive as she pulled Carina away through the crowd, the destination being the only thing clear in her mind. 

Chapter Text

“Flashback to the night that you said to me, ‘Nothing’s gonna change, not for me and you' back before I knew how much I had to lose”

Now, Sicily 2023

“Okay how about this,” Maya says waiting for her response but the brunette just hummed in return, “I’ll stay on the phone and talk about my day until you fall asleep”

Carina doesn’t protest, “hmm that sounds like a plan bambina” her words slurring already as Maya decides to list off events from a boring industrial fire. 

Her heart is full of warmth and love as she listens to Maya go on about logistics and ways to read the fire in such a situation. She listens as Maya starts to list percentages and facts from the top of her head, always amazed at how much her girlfriend loves her job. Carina listens until Maya's voice is nothing but a faint lullaby easing her off into sleep, her thoughts filled with the blonde as sweet dreams about her overcome Carina. 

Dreams where Maya was next to her, forever holding her close and never letting go. 

***

(The day before the incident)

Carina woke up from her deep slumber, groaning, as the sun streamed through her bedroom window. Out of habit, she found herself looking around the room, knowing that she wouldn’t find anyone around. 

Her eyes landed on her phone, still propped up against a pile of books on her nightstand like she’d left it last night. Memories of her call with Maya came flooding in bringing a smile to her face as she grabbed the device and begrudgingly got out of bed to start her morning routine before work. 

It wasn’t long before she found herself in her kitchen, whipping breakfast for herself and her roommate. Her roommate who was still off dozing by the looks of how eerily quiet the apartment was that morning. 

Carina didn’t dwell on it as she looked at the time, it was mere minutes before the girl’s alarm would go off and she would come barging into the kitchen grumpy and annoyed. It was all part of Carina’s morning routine. 

She was proven right when she heard a loud noise from the neighboring bedroom following the incessant sound of her roommate's alarm, “Mannaggia!” The clambering noises of the door being opened and the sound of water running made Carina smile. 

It wasn’t long before the girl stepped out and greeted Carina with a pout on her face, “ Buongiorno Gabri, che bello che tu ti sia unito a me per la colazione” (Good morning Gabri, how nice that you joined me for breakfast), the brunette replied back to the grumble of words her friend had spit out. 

“Prima il caffè” (Coffee first) the response was clearer this time and it made Carina laugh louder as she moved towards the pot she had already brewed for her friend and grabbed it with one hand, lifting her breakfast onto the other as she set them both on the table in front of the woman. "Che ore sono?" (What time is it?) Gabriella muttered, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she reached for the coffee and took a sip. 

"Sono le sette e mezza, dobbiamo uscire per lavoro tra poco." (It's half past seven, we need to leave for work soon.) she replied taking a bite out of her famous French toast sighing when the taste hit her lips. It never ceased to amaze her how even the tiniest things reminded her of Maya, this one particular of the first time she’d made the same breakfast for her girlfriend after their first night together. The memories from that day were not all good per se but the image of Maya moaning and declaring her food better than sex was one she would never forget. 

Neither was the memory of Carina asking if it was a challenge which led to them ending back up in the small bedroom where they had started the day. 

She could see her friend smirk at the smile that was playing on her lips and grunts out a whisper, “Cosa?” in response. 

“ Pensando a Maya?” (Thinking about Maya?) 

“I just miss her Gabri, it's been almost a year since we’ve held each other. With her becoming Captain it's like our schedules are never clear at the same time and if they are it's never for long.” The smirk that had once sported her friend's face now melted into an understanding and sad smile at the confession. 

“I can’t imagine being that far away from someone I loved the way you two love each other,” the brunette admitted, “Maybe you can go visit her sometime soon? You know maybe surprise her?” 

It wasn’t a bad idea and it had been so long since Carina had been the one to go to Seattle and not the other way around, “I don’t know,” she shrugged, “With my study finally getting attention from all the drug companies and not to mention how papa’s health has been lately” 

“Carina, non puoi continuare a usare tuo padre come scusa.” (Carina, you can't keep using your father as an excuse.) 

“I’m not,” she argued “he needs me to be here Gabri.” she shook her head standing her ground even if her father didn’t necessarily want her there. She was all he had and she wouldn’t leave when he was throwing himself into work and constantly snapping at people, she wouldn’t leave him when she knew his moods and the telltale signs of his episodes “ Questa discussione è finita” (This discussion is over)

And that was that. Gabriella didn’t push and Carina was glad for it. 

***

“They’re not approving it,” she said as she sat down next to Gabriella in the staff lounge with her lunch in her hands. 

“Your study?” she asked and Carina nodded dejectedly, “ Stronzi” her friend coughed out the insult as she rolled her eyes and stood up ready to fight someone.

“ Gabri va bene” (it’s okay) She grabbed the brunette's arm to prevent a scene. She’d already done her fair share of angrily speaking her mind to the chief and she didn’t need Gabriella to do the same. 

“It’s not,” she huffed out but sat back down on the chair next to her and folded her arms over her chest, “ Se i soggetti del vostro studio fossero stati uomini, l'avrebbero approvato all'istante. ” (If your subjects had been men, they would have approved it instantly”

“I know,” she replied back in the same dejected tone, not having the energy to be as mad as Gabriella at that moment.

“They study the male brain and they expect the female brain to fit in with their conclusions. And not to mention the drug companies who were willing to fund your study”

“I know,” Carina already knew all of this, she had been the one to share the information with her friend, spending countless hours discussing the details. 

“Why aren’t you more mad about this tesoro?” 

How could she be when she had seen the response coming miles away from her chief of surgery who had been a man and so didn’t understand the importance of her work as much as she or Gabriella did. “It was expected Gabri, Non voglio pensarci” (I don't want to think about it) 

Her friend furrowed her brows at the response lost in thought for a minute before she spoke up, “The hospital Andrea worked at…”

“ Si, Grey-Sloan? What about it?” her face was now scrunched up in confusion, not knowing where her friend was headed with the questioning. 

“Doesn’t it have a female chief of surgery?” Gabriella questioned and raised her brows and Carina could almost see the lightbulb go off in her friend's head. 

“ Ehm sì... Teddy Altman credo…” and just as she was about to ask why once again Carina finally understood what her friend was getting to, “No, no, non mi trasferisco a Seattle” (No, no, I'm not moving to Seattle.) she breathed in deeply, “I already told you this morning, everything with papa-”

“And what? The study?” she asked, “Carina that's now two things waiting for you in Seattle versus one here.”

Carina knew her friend was right but the guilt was too much. She’d left her father alone once and she wouldn’t do it again. “No”

“Think about it at least? Make one of those come si dice... ah sì, pro and con lists that your girlfriend loves so much” ( How do you say… ah yes)

The mention of Maya pushed past the guilt and took place at the forefront of her mind, making her see the situation a bit clearer. Gabriella was right, if not Maya then she had to think about her career. Being closer to her girlfriend was always an added bonus, a big one at that. “I’ll think about it,” she nodded before pointing a finger at her friend “but this is not a yes”

“That’s all I ask” the reply came back with raised hands and a nod. 

***

Carina remained true to her word and really considered the idea. Hell, she’d even made a pros and cons list like Gabriella had suggested. Maya would’ve been proud of her work. 

But as she started at the list she’d made, looking at both sides and how one side had more arguments than the other, she still couldn’t push past the guilt that had festered in her mind from 7 years ago. It was all she could think about that night as she rolled around in her bed sleepless and unsettled. Looking at the clock next to her bed she noticed that it was barely minutes past midnight, she had a long night ahead of her. 

The brunette grunted and reached for her phone to see if she could get a hold of her girlfriend because she needed to speak to someone a bit more neutral than Gabriella at this moment and Maya had always been the rational one out of the two. Plus she’d been there standing next to Carina the last time. 

She shook the memory away as she opened Maya’s contact and clicked on their message thread typing out a quick, ‘ Call me when you see this bambina’. Hoping that even though it was about 3 in the afternoon in Seattle and Maya was possibly in the middle of her shift, she would see Carina’s message. 

But ofcource Carina had no such luck as she sat there staring at her phone, hoping for the little text at the bottom that the blonde had read her message. It never came. 

***

By the time morning had rolled around and Carina’s alarm went off, she had to admit she was a little worried about Maya’s lack of response. Her girlfriend wasn’t one go long without texting her back. Usually, by the time she woke up, Carina would have a good morning text waiting for her but even as her clock read 9 a.m. there was nothing. 

She did the math in her head, it had been about 7 hours of nothing. She considered the possibility of Maya being called into a 4 or 5-alarm fire, ones that would usually go on for such long periods of time, but then again they’d made a deal that the blonde would always text her first telling her as much. 

Maybe she forgot . 

The thought was gone as quickly as it came, Maya wasn’t one to forget. Her stomach churned as another much darker possibility crossed her mind. 

No, I won’t go there.

Not when there were better ways to handle the situation than freaking out. She scrolled back to her contacts to find the only person she could call at this point and waited for the call to connect. 

“Andrea?”

“Carina? Cosa? Why are you calling so late in the night, did something happen?” Her brother's voice was laced with sleep as she heard shuffling through the call realizing the man was probably asleep. 

“ Mi dispiace Andrea, but it’s Maya” As soon as the words were out of her mouth she heard the rustling stop. 

“What do you mean it’s Maya? What happened Carina?” his frantic response was met with silence, did something happen to Maya? She didn’t know, and in the moment the distance put between the blonde and her hurt more than it ever had before. “ Carina?”

“I don’t- I don’t know?” one of her hands was now on her forehead trying to get the headache that was fast developing from her lack of sleep, “She hasn’t answered my texts from last night and I haven’t heard from her since yesterday.” she sighed, “You’re the only person I thought to call. I’m sorry I ruined your sleep, I’m probably panicking for no reason but she’s supposed to be on working and-”

“Nonsense Carina, I know Maya, and that means I know this is unlike her. You’re right to worry, I’ll go check on her at the station”

“Really?” she lifted her head up as her heart felt slightly lighter, if there were something wrong Andrea would find out and he would tell her. The distance was too much but having someone there looking out for Maya helped. 

“Yes really. What else are little brothers for,” the comment brought a small but still there smile to her face, “ Now get going, go to work or whatever it is you have planned for today and I’ll call you when I find something out”

“Grazie fratellino” she said receiving a hum in response before they both hung up and she decided to take her brother's advice getting up to start another day as she went through the motions. 

***

She was only about an hour into her shift at the hospital, sitting in her office waiting for a patient's labs, when two things happened. 

Her office phone started ringing as her personal phone followed. She’d been waiting on a call or text from Andrea for hours hoping for any news as she bit down on her nails from the stress, but when she looked down at her phone and back up at the other one she knew which one she had to answer first. 

“ Buongiorno, sono la dottoressa DeLuca?” she held the phone tightly in her hands as she silenced her brother's call, hoping that the call she had chosen to answer was an actual emergency and that she hadn’t ignored a call about her girlfriend for nothing.

“ Hi, Dr. DeLuca? This is Dr. Miranda Bailey, I’m calling you from Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital in Seattle. It’s about a patient we have who has you listed as their POA. Maya Bishop? ” 

Her phone rang for the second time in her hands adding to the singing in her ear as she silenced it once again dropping it down on her desk and clutching her office phone in her grasp. 

She had hoped she was wrong to worry, she really did. 

Chapter Text

“You come around and the armor falls, pierce the room like a cannonball, now all we know is don’t let go. We are all alone, just you and me, up in your room and the slates are clean.”

Then, Seattle 2013

Carina followed behind her as Maya leads her through the crowd and towards the exit, their hands firmly grasped in each other, fingers interlaced, palms flush together. The feeling of Maya’s warm fingers intertwining with her cold ones sent constant jolts of electricity, unlike anything she’d experienced.

The feeling was new but not entirely unwelcome. Her mind had yet to catch up with her actions as she ran through the events of the night. Spotting Maya dancing in the middle of the room as everything surrounding her vanished and the blonde was the only one in her line of sight. Bumping into her once again and getting lost in her eyes and words as the dejected feeling from before came rushing back, but there was also the fact that Maya’s words echoed loudly in her mind. 

Broken.

There was more to her than what caught the eye and Carina so desperately wanted to find out. To peel back her shell of pain and uncover what was inside. 

Carina was too lost in her thoughts to keep track of her surroundings before hit them, making Carina shiver. Andrea had always teased her about how she ran colder than most people, even when she was bundled up in multiple layers like she was now. She was somewhat glad she would never have to adjust to Seattle weather, it was too unpredictable for her liking anyways. 

In comparison, Italy was quite the opposite, warm and comforting, even if she’d stopped associating either feeling with her home years ago.

This time it was the coldness of the thought that made a shiver run through her spine, making Maya finally take notice and squeeze her hand once, twice, and a third time bringing her back to reality. 

“Cold?” she nodded in response, her cheeks tinged at the reminder of their hands clasped together, “Wish I could be smooth and offer you a jacket but…” she gestured down at herself pointing at the small top and genes that adorned the blondes figure. Maya wasn’t even wearing a jacket and yet the cold seemed to be affecting the Italian more. 

“How are you not freezing right now?” unbelievable, Carina clutched the fabric of her coat tighter around herself pushing a hand inside one of the pockets as the other remained in Maya’s. 

“Years and years of running in the cold.” she shrugged, “My dad always said that bad weather is nothing but an excuse, and so I would run when it snowed when it rained when the heat was almost unbearable, and when you embrace pain as often as I did, eventually you stop feeling any of it.” The revelation took Carina by surprise as her steps faltered a little, although, she didn’t think Maya noticed the shift at all. 

“Maya-” she tried to get the girl's attention but was interrupted when the blonde came to a sudden stop in front of her causing her to do the same. 

“We’re here,” her tone was clipped and emotionless as she stared ahead at the brick building in front of them. Maya turned towards her and finally registered the shock on her face, “Yeah pretty decent for a college student I know,” she chuckled bringing Carina’s attention back to her, the storm behind her blue eyes was suddenly gone which baffled Carina more than anything else, “Come on.”

She pulled on the brunette's arm leading her inside, only stopping to unlock the gate, before they made their way to the elevator, “So, you live here alone?” her tone was meant to be flirty but it came off as curious more than anything else. 

“Hmm, not really. I have a roommate-” She paused looking back at Carina and then back down as she fumbled through her keys for the right one as they both stepped out. When she finally found it, a big smile adorned her face and it might’ve been the most adorable sight the Italian had ever seen. 

Still, the blonde’s incomplete sentence confused her, “Your roommate?”

“Yeah uhm,” she rubbed the back of her neck as her cheeks grew a shade darker, “The girl from the party? The one I told you was my friend?” Maya’s gaze lingered only for a second before it was back on the door trying to focus on opening it. 

Carina hummed, “And are you expecting her to come home any time soon?” she pushed her front against Maya’s back whispering the sentence in her ear. ‘

“N-not today,” the blonde stuttered and Carina reached around her to grab the keys from her hands before unlocking the door herself and pushing Maya inside and against the other side of the door effectively shutting it close. 

“Good.” the air was thick with tension once again as she reached her fingers towards Maya’s face, not being able to stop herself from tracing the outline of her jaw and the slope of her neck, before closing the inches between them until their lips were close enough to place the lightest touch, “Baciami.”

Before Maya could ask what the word meant, Carina was pulling her face even closer by her neck and kissing her with fervor. The blonde’s hands grabbed her shoulders before tucking her fingers inside the lapels of Carina’s trench coat and pushing them aside as the material dropped to the floor, leaving Carina in just a sleeveless sheer top, sleek black trousers, and her long heels that had her towering over Maya’s small figure. 

The smaller girl's hands roamed Carina’s torso finally setting themselves on either side of her waist as she finally regained enough composure to push Carina back slightly following behind right after as not to break the heated kiss. The brunette was too lost in the feeling of warm lips against hers and the feeling of their chests almost touching to notice what Maya was up to, but before she knew their positions had shifted and she was the one with her back against the door as the blonde pressed her knee between Carina’s legs to incite a surprised silent moan. 

The action made them break off their kiss but the blonde immediately connected her lips to the skin now exposed by Carina pushing her head back. Trailing her lips over the warm skin of the brunette’s neck before occasionally nibbling and soothing it over with her cold tongue, producing more gasps out of Carina’s mouth. 

The Italian had enough as she ran her fingers through Maya’s locks and grabbed some pulling on them slightly, bringing Maya’s face back to hers to connect their lips again, this time adding their tongues to the mix, the contact making heat rush between her thighs. She assumed it did much the same for Maya as the blonde started to move her knee creating sweet friction that was too much and yet not entirely enough due to the layers that were now getting in the way. 

Carina’s body felt hot like it had never before and suddenly none of the clothes she had previously worn were needed to keep her warm. She pushed her fingers under the hem of Maya’s top pulling it up slightly so as to untuck it from her jeans, pushing her fingers under it to meet skin. 

Her fingers delicately trailed as goosebumps followed their wake, “Take it off,” Maya’s voice was low and sure as she stepped away from the kiss to let Carina pull the piece of clothing off before Maya did the same for Carina, “Bedroom?” her voice was hoarse and raspy and Carina’s knees buckled slightly as she nodded, liking the fact that Maya seemed as eager as she felt right now. Her eye’s trailed down the blonde’s abdomen and roamed over the light outline of her abs before moving on to the blonde’s biceps and settling on the hand now outstretched in her direction as she took it in hers. 

Her hand was quickly abandoned when they walked through the door, Maya choosing to place her hands on Carina’s waist instead, pushing her back towards the bed. When her knees met the mattress the brunette sat down looping her fingers through the belt loops of the blonde’s jeans tugging her closer, before placing a featherlike kiss right above the waistband. She trailed her fingers up and down Maya’s front where her lips had just been before holding the button between two fingers and popping it open, looking up at the blonde to make sure if it was okay. When she got a slight nod in return she finally held the belt loops once again pulling the jeans off to expose long legs and lace underwear. 

Without being asked Maya kicked off her shoes before doing the same with her pants as she placed either of her knees on Carina’s sides, pushing the brunette back by her shoulder, and leaning over her, but just when Carina thought Maya was going to kiss her the blonde got back up and got down on her knees at the foot of the bed, taking her feet in her hands and unclasping Carina’s heels throwing them aside. 

When she was done with the task she leaned back up unbuckling Carina’s slacks but waited for approval, “Take them off bella, ” Maya nodded and did what she was asked pulling the material off before tapping on Carina’s thigh as to motion her to move further back and Carina obliged. Both of them were now in the same amount of clothing, so when Maya sat back down on Carina’s thighs, skin against her skin, she couldn’t help but gasp as her breath stuttered. 

Maya swallowed the gasp with a kiss, moving her hands through the newly exposed skin settling next to Carina’s still-covered breasts, teasing the skin around the edges of the material. Or at least Carina thought it had been a tease, but when Maya got close for the fifth time and drew her fingers back, the Italian was confused and huffed out a frustrated breath, “You know you can touch right?”

“Y-yeah it’s j-just that-” Maya’s cheeks tinted again and Carina was sure the blonde was thinking too much again, “Are you sure we should?” Maya’s nervousness was endearing but the question made her scrunch her brows. 

“It’s okay if you’re having second thoughts bella we don’t have to-” Carina started getting up thinking Maya was going to do the same but she remained seated on the brunette’s thighs placing a hand back on Carina’s shoulder pushing her down. 

“No, no I want this” She’d realized that Maya was much like a scared animal, quick to run away when startled, and that giving her an out prevented her from spiraling into her thoughts. 

“Are you sure?” Carina held her breath, bracing herself for rejection, ready to leave when it came but it never did. Instead, Maya placed a kiss on her lips and nodded, Yes, before her hands moved back up Carina’s body their kisses were a mess of tongue and teeth, and Maya’s hands finally moved to cup her over the fabric of her bra squeezing the flesh producing a moan from the bottom of Carina’s throat creating a flutter in her stomach. 

She rolled Carina’s nipples over the fabric, tugging at them, rolling them, and letting them go, as her hips started slowly grinding on Carina’s thigh leaving a trail of wetness behind that seemed to seep through soaked underwear. The brunette's hands moved to Maya’s back settling her hands on her round clothed ass as she palmed both cheeks helping the blonde continue her motions. 

Maya’s body felt and fit perfectly in her arms, as she let out slow moans and gasps occasionally silenced by their kisses. Carina decided to make a brave move as she traced the outline of Maya’s bra, “Can I take this off?” Maya nodded and obliged. The sight of her hardened buds and soft skin was enough to send the brunette into a frenzy, as she reached her hand out to repeat the motions Maya had just done to her mere seconds ago, tugging pulling, and rolling making the blonde roll her eyes.

 “F-fuck Carina” The sound made something inside the brunette crack as she flipped them over and placed kisses down Maya’s bare chest taking the left bud in her mouth as her fingers continued to roll the one on the right, “Carina-” 

“Sei così bella,” (You are so beautiful) She gave the other one the same attention before dragging her lips further south, kissing down Maya’s abdomen all the way to her waistband before making her way down to the blonde’s thighs and working her way back up. Leaving nothing left unkissed. When she reached the soaked fabric she had to stop herself from gasping at the wetness, “Dio mio bella, I have barely even touched you-”

“Carina please…” her voice was nothing but a whisper but Carina heard it all, the desperation, the need, and she complied pulling the ruined fabric down her smooth legs. Instead of going back where she had been before she climbed back up Maya’s body and kissed her lips fervently, trailing her fingers where the blonde's panties had been. The blonde gasped as she got closer and closer, letting out the filthiest moan once Carina’s finger had touched where she needed her most as the brunette started to circle her clit slowly. 

She continued her motions collecting the wetness there all the while continuing their heavy kisses. The feeling of Maya’s nails now digging into her back only invoked pleasure, as she decided to enter the blonde with a single finger, satisfied with the way it slid in with ease. “Bella, you’re so wet ”

“More. I need more.” Carina nodded and entered her once again with an added finger, making the blonde’s back arch off the mattress, “Fuc-fuck Carinaaa…” Maya’s heart was thumping loud enough that when she started kissing down Maya’s abdomen she could almost hear the noise. She made her way down to the blonde’s clit and took it into her mouth while her fingers kept up their steady pace inside Maya. When she started sucking the blonde let out a scream that Carina was sure her neighbors would’ve heard, but she kept up her motions finally increasing her pace as she sucked and licked. “Carina don’t stop, I’m close, I-I’m so close”

Carina wasn’t planning to stop, not now, it was almost as if she was addicted to everything that was Maya. Her taste, her touch, her skin, the way she was breathing heavily as she got closer, the way her muscles started to spasm, the way when she finally started breathing normally and her eyes opened again, they were bluer than the clearest ocean, pure and honestly her. 

“That was” Maya was still breathing heavily as she ran her hands over her face trying to find the words. The Italian kissed back up her skin, careful not to overwhelm the blonde as she pecked her lips softly. 

“Good?” she asked knowing the answer

“You have no idea” Maya’s body collapsed into hers as they both lay there next to each other, her fingers tracing light circles over the blonde’s skin as her frantic breathing slowed. “Just give me a second I can-”

But Carina waved her off, “It’s okay bella, we have all the time in the world” She had meant to say they had the whole night but the words slipped out of her mouth before she could second guess herself. It was then she realized that she no longer held anything over the blonde, she knew Maya had a reason and given everything the blonde had told her she had an idea that it was a good one. 

She’d also realized that she didn’t have it in her to get out of the comfort of Maya’s embrace. The fact that it was the blonde’s apartment, and remembering their conversation from earlier soothed her a little. When she woke up in the morning this time it would be different, because Maya would be next to her rather than running away from her. 

Chapter Text

“And for once you let go, of your fears and your ghosts. One step, not much, but it said enough. ”

Then, Seattle 2013  

Maya felt Cold. 

The warm body that had been next to her the night before was no longer there, and Maya wondered for a second if this was revenge. Everything had been nothing but a lesson to prove how cruel she had been. Maybe this was karma, the one person she’d opened up to had run away, ironic. 

She pulled the sheets over her head, the movement causing her to get up a little, letting her eyes dart around the room when she noticed clothes still scattered around the floor. 

Clothes that belonged to a certain brunette. 

She pushed the sheets away and grabbed one of her longer university sweatshirts and pulled up a pair of underwear, before peaking outside her bedroom. 

The smell that followed was one she could only describe as heavenly. French toast and coffee, Carina had made breakfast. She would be lying if she said the thought didn’t cause her to spiral as all her insecurities came rushing out, Maya had one-night stands before but none had ever stayed long enough to make breakfast, she would often either not even let them spend the night, or kick them out before morning had even approached. But Carina, she was making breakfast. 

Maya didn’t know how to feel. 

As she entered the kitchen, she saw the brunette standing by the stove, flipping the French toast with ease, in nothing but a shirt. The aroma of the coffee and the sweet smell of the syrup on the French toast made Maya's stomach growl. She hadn't realized how hungry she was until now. Scratch that, Maya had never craved breakfast until now.

"Buongiorno ," Carina said with a smile as she saw Maya walking into the kitchen, "I hope you like French toast."

Maya's heart fluttered at the sight, making her want to give in to the feeling. They had slept together but they’d also spent the night talking and laughing, and Maya had been surprised at how comfortable she felt around Carina. But now, in the light of day, she felt a wave of panic wash over her.

Carina must have noticed the sudden shift in Maya's mood because she turned to her with a concerned look. "Is everything okay?"

Maya's mind went blank. Was everything okay? She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to hurt Carina by saying something wrong and making her think she’d regretted last night, but she also didn't want to lie to her.

"Nothing," Maya said, forcing a smile. 

Carina didn't look convinced, but she didn't press the issue. She just smiled and said, "Sit down, breakfast is almost ready." Maya nodded and sat down at the kitchen table, watching as Carina piled French toast onto a plate. 

She couldn't believe how domestic it all felt. 

How mundane. Normal  

A normal she’d never experienced before even as a child. Her dad had always made her get up before dawn and had been adamant that his personally crafted protein shakes were the only thing she was to consume after. Her parents had never sat at the table with her and Mason, sharing stories over breakfast, talking about their days. Instead, her childhood was filled with eerie silences if she was lucky and the sound of breaking dishes if she was not. 

This was a mistake. She wasn't cut out for this. She needed to get out. She needed to run away. 

“I don’t do relationships” were the words that came out of her mouth instead, cutting through whatever song Carina had been humming. The brunette’s back was still to hers which prevented Maya from seeing her face, but the blonde Carina’s expression was nothing but sour with the way her back stiffened and her movements stopped. 

“Okay.” It took a while for the brunette to respond but when she did Maya was left more confused than she was before.

“Okay?” she questioned 

"Okay. This was just breakfast, Maya. I wasn't asking for more." Carina’s voice was cold. She’d gone ahead and messed it up again. Maya felt a twinge of guilt. That wasn't what she meant. She didn't want to hurt Carina's feelings. She just didn't want the brunette to get too attached to someone like her. 

But before she could say anything, Carina spoke again. "Besides, I'm flying back to Italy in two days anyway. This was just a one-time thing, right?"

Maya’s mind hadn’t even reached far enough to think about the possibility of Carina leaving. What was she thinking? Of course, Carina had only been here for the weekend and nothing more, why would she even be looking for more? 

Stupid. Maya, you’re so stupid. 

The thought of Carina leaving was unpleasant. But she wouldn’t voice those feelings.

Instead, she just nodded and said, "Right."

Carina smiled sadly upon hearing the one-worded response but quickly recovered as she cleared her throat and approached the table with two plates in her hand, setting them down. “Here, try some?” she motioned Maya to come closer, and when she did the brunette smiled and fed her a piece. 

Maya took a bite, the taste exploding in her mouth. She moaned, forgetting what it was that she’d been sad about, as her eyes closed shut and she savored the sweet taste on her tongue. Carina had to be a saint because there was no way the girl was good at everything she did. 

"Okay," she said, finally opening her eyes. "That might be better than sex."

Her statement finally pulled out a genuine laugh out of the brunette, a full and hearty laugh, filled with everything that Maya had come to know as Carina. Pure, unfiltered, carefree. 

Maya wished she could get high off the sound.

It made a smile of her own spread across her face. 

"Is that a challenge?"

Carina was teasing her. She never wanted the feeling it struck within her to ever stop. 

Maya grinned. "Maybe."

And then Carina was kissing her, the taste of French toast still on their lips as she kissed her back with just as much fervor. The sweetness of the syrup was replaced by a much sweeter taste of the brunette’s lips. Breakfast was long forgotten as they made their way back into her bedroom.

***

Maya was cold once again. 

But this time the difference was that Carina was still in bed next to her. She could feel the woman’s warmth radiating off her physically, but mentally? Mentally Maya felt alone. Isolated. It had been self-inflicted really.

She wished she’d chosen different words to express her feelings. But words had never been her thing. 

Maya didn’t think of Carina as a ‘one and done’. 

She knew as much. She was sure of it. 

There was something about the brunette, that even now as the woman was sleeping, kept pulling her back in like a gravitational pull of sorts. 

She had let the brunette go once, and she’d found her once again. Was she ready to take that chance again? To let Carina go hoping that one day their paths would once again meet and this time Maya would be ready to face the demons of her overbearing and controlling father, not to mention the ones of the little brother she had seemingly abandoned?

Maya had come to terms with the fact that she was supposed to carry it all alone. She’d already told Carina too much, exposing her past and her fears. Mason. The blonde came with too much baggage and she decided that Carina was too pure for any of it. 

She trailed her hands up and down the brunette’s spine as she lay atop Maya, her head on Maya’s chest. 

They’d seemingly spent the entire day like this, huddled together after Maya had checked up on her roommate’s whereabouts and Carina had told her brother about hers. Well maybe not explicitly stating she was with Maya, they were still nothing more than a one-time thing.

More like six or seven at this point but Maya wasn’t going to point out the logistics. Especially when she remembered Carina would be returning to Italy soon. 

“Hmm?” the sound came from Carina as she stirred over her and spread out her hands on either side, flipping over so now her back was on the bed as Maya’s hand was pinned under. Her eyes flicker open as she stares up at Maya, and instantly it is like she can sense that the blonde’s mind is running on overdrive, "What are you thinking?" Carina asks softly.

Maya hesitates for a moment, unsure of how to answer. But then she decides to take a chance, to be honest with herself and with Carina. "I don't know," she admits. “I know I said I didn’t want a relationship but…” 

Maya trails off and Carina supports herself on her elbows to look directly into Maya’s eyes, “But?”

“And you’re leaving in two days…” She does it once again and Carina huffs 

“First, it’s more like a day,” she points towards the clock hung on Maya’s wall, “and second,” she places her hand on top of Maya’s offering comfort, “I’m pretty sure that wasn’t what you were planning on saying”

“I've never felt like this before. Part of me wants to run for the hills, but there’s also a part of me that never wants the feeling to stop. Which I know isn’t possible, but it makes letting go much harder, even if it’s all the screaming voice in my head is telling me to do” Maya sighs, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders. 

But now that it’s all out in the open, she has essentially given Carina permission to step on her heart if she chooses to. 

Although there’s understanding in Carina’s eyes as she nods. "I know how you feel. All of it. Well maybe not the part about the screaming voice in your head, you might want to get that checked out bella "

“Shut up?” Maya laughs and she’s grateful for the light in the darkness that Carina is, smiling, teasing, joking. 

It’s comforting. A change of pace compared to her childhood. A breath of fresh air. 

“I don’t want to run away” It’s barely a whisper but she knows Carina heard her. 

“Then don’t, ” the hand on top of hers moves up to caress her cheek and she closes her eyes, “give in to the other part of you”

She leans in for a kiss, and this time it's slower, more tender. There’s no rush, no haste, just the two of them in this bed right now. Maya can feel herself melting into Carina's embrace, and she never wants it to end. 

Eventually the smiles on both their faces make it impossible to continue as they break apart, “I know this might be a little out there, but, Carina Deluca is there a chance I can take you out tomorrow night? Some place nice, and we can maybe have dinner, or something else if that’s what you want? You know what, it doesn’t even have to be someplace quiet, we can go to the movies or-”

“Maya?” she’s eventually interrupted by Carina’s laugh, “Are you asking me out on a date?” 

The blonde cringes, “Do we have to call it that? I mean-”

“Maya?” Carina interrupts the blonde again and she hums in response, “Yes. To dinner. And no, we don’t have to call it anything you’re uncomfortable with.” Maya nods and smiles at the prospect of spending another night with Carina, “and bella? Your rambling is really endearing”

Carina’s smile is sincere and heat rises to Maya’s face as she looks anywhere but into brown eyes. But then Carina’s hand is on her chin as she pulls Maya’s face down and kisses her, making all of her awkwardness disappear. 

Carina wants this, wants her. For Maya, it's like they're the only two people in the world, and nothing else matters. Their kisses get heated as they explore each other's bodies slowly, taking their time and enjoying every moment. 

Maya decides that she loves the way Carina touches her, the way she kisses her, and the way she makes her feel. She's never felt so alive, so connected to another person. It's like all of her senses are heightened, and she's experiencing everything in technicolor.

Eventually, they both collapse onto the bed, panting and sweaty and completely spent. Maya feels like she's floating on a cloud, and she can't stop smiling. "That was amazing," she says softly.

Carina nods, her eyes shining. "It was," she agrees. "You're amazing."

Maya feels a blush creeping up her cheeks, but this time she doesn't care.

Because Maya felt warmth. 

Chapter Text

“I want auroras and sad prose, I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet, ‘Cause I haven't moved in years. And I want you right here.”

Now, Seattle 2023

“Dr. DeLuca?” Bailey's voice echoed through her office, the tone filled with a mix of urgency and concern. She leaned forward, her gaze fixed on the man standing before her, engrossed in his phone as he read aloud the name displayed on the screen.

“Yes, and uh, there's a number attached to it," he finally responded, passing the device to Bailey. As she glanced down at the screen, her brows furrowed, realizing that the area code was unfamiliar. “It’s international. Italy. We sorta looked it up” Jack pointed between him and Andy as the doctor continued to examine the message sent by Vic to the man, absorbing the information displayed on her phone.

"Very well," Bailey nodded, contemplating the situation. "Someone bring me Maya's file immediately. I need to make this call and locate Dr. DeLuca to deliver the news." Her eyes met the two firefighters, conveying her expectation for them to retrieve the necessary documents. With a determined expression, she began dialing the unfamiliar number, her fingers moving swiftly across the keypad.

As Bailey was about to initiate the call, her attention was briefly diverted by Andy, who cleared her throat hesitantly before speaking up. The firefighter's voice quivered slightly as she expressed her concerns. "Um, Dr. Bailey, we don't have any idea who this woman is," Andy interjected. "Shouldn't we be present when a decision is made regarding Maya's situation? After all, we are her family."

Bailey sighed, understanding the sentiment behind Andy's words. She shifted her gaze towards the firefighter, her eyes filled with empathy. “I understand Lieutenant. However, this matter is beyond my control," Bailey explained gently. “If the Captain has chosen this woman as her power of attorney then we have to believe that Maya trusts her” 

Andy was about to argue further, but Bailey raised her hand, effectively silencing her. "If that's all, I believe it would be in Maya's best interest if we contacted Dr. DeLuca as soon as possible."

Andy sighed, her frustration mingled with resignation. She nodded in agreement, casting a final glance at Bailey, before exiting the office. Jack followed suit, leaving Bailey to fulfill her responsibility and reach out to Dr. DeLuca.

Each ring felt like an eternity, the shrill sound cutting through the air and intensifying the already charged atmosphere in Bailey's office. With each passing second, the anticipation mounted, weighing heavily on her as she anxiously waited for someone to answer on the other end of the line.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the call connected and a voice broke through, "Pronto," the soft, melodic voice greeted her, speaking in Italian. “Buongiorno, sono la dottoressa DeLuca?” 

Bailey paused for a brief moment, the language barrier momentarily caught her off guard. Composing herself, she took a deep breath to steady her racing heart and replied in a composed tone, "Hi, Dr. DeLuca? This is Dr. Miranda Bailey speaking. I'm calling you from Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital in Seattle. It's regarding a patient we have who has listed you as their power of attorney. Maya Bishop?"

The sound of shallow breathing seeped through the line, a subtle indication that emotions were running high on the other end of the conversation. Bailey's heart went out to this unknown woman, recognizing the signs of distress.

There was a brief moment of silence, indicating that Dr. DeLuca was processing the information. In the background, words were whispered in Italian, filled with a mix of concern and urgency. Finally, a response came, this time in English, "How serious is it? I mean, it must be if you need her power of attorney on standby. I'll be there. Give me a day, and I'll be there."

The woman was ranting clearly in a state of shock and the urgency in her voice was one Bailey had felt before, with her husband, Ben, who often had the ability to land himself in hospitals not unlike Maya. 

But Maya had always been the one to get him out, to keep him safe.

Now, it was Bailey's turn to step up, to ensure Maya received the care and support she needed. "Dr. DeLuca," Bailey interjected, her voice filled with a calm resolve, attempting to soothe the woman's anxious tone, "I understand this is a lot to process. We're doing everything we can for Maya. There are some decisions that need to be made, and I do think they would be better discussed in person rather than over the phone. But for right now, just know that we have her, and that decision does not have to be made right this second. However, we thought you'd like to be kept in the loop."

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," the woman's breath came out steady and regular this time, gratitude evident in her voice. "I'm booking a flight and will be there as soon as I can, but..." She paused, as if debating something in her head, "I hope this is not too much to ask, but there is a doctor who works at your hospital, Andrew DeLuca. He is family, mine and Maya's, and I would appreciate it if you could give him regular updates until I'm there."

Bailey was momentarily taken aback, her mind connecting the dots. Of course, she knew Andrew DeLuca. She had known the young doctor since he was just an intern, witnessing his growth and dedication firsthand. Bailey had simply assumed that the name DeLuca was a common one, but it seemed she might have been mistaken in her assumption.

"Mhm, yes, Dr. DeLuca, I think that can be arranged," Bailey replied a sense of determination in her voice. She would have to locate the attending and inform him of the situation immediately. 

After exchanging final assurances that Dr. DeLuca would arrive as soon as possible, Bailey said her goodbyes and ended the call. She quickly dialed a different number, intending to reach out to Andrew, but before she could speak, the office doors swung open, and a disheveled, breathless man burst into the room. “Bailey. I’m sorry I ran here when Schmitt told me you were in your office. I need to talk to you about a patient-”

“Maya Bishop?” she questioned the man with a raised brow watching as he looked at her in confusion before nodding.

"How did you-" He paused abruptly as his phone pinged with an alert, indicating a received text message. His expression relaxed, and he let out a sigh of relief. "You talked to Carina."

"Just now," Bailey confirmed, her gaze fixed on Andrew. "She told me I can discuss the case with you?"

Relief flooded Andrew's features, "Yes, yes, please. Tell me how she's doing. Can I see her yet?"

"She's out of surgery for now. I've already allowed 19 to visit her room, no more than two at a time. I can take you there right now." She paused briefly, her eyes scanning the room before meeting Andrew's gaze. "As for how she's doing, we're monitoring her condition, Andrew. We have her on liver dialysis, but there's a significant chance we're looking at a transplant. hence the power of attorney.” 

Andrew nodded, absorbing the information, his mind already calculating the potential implications. He stood up, a renewed determination evident in his eyes. "I need to see her, Bailey. I need to see her numbers for myself." Bailey understood immediately, as a fellow general surgery attending, she knew the importance of firsthand evaluation.

Bailey acknowledged his request, her voice filled with reassurance. "Of course, Andrew. Come with me. Let me take you to Maya's room."

***

As Bailey and Andrew arrived at Maya's room, they were met with the sight of Andy already there, her gaze fixed on Maya's still form in the hospital bed. The sound of the sliding doors opening seemed to have shaken the Lieutenant out of her thoughts as she turned toward the doctors. Her eyes widened with a mix of surprise and confusion.

"Dr. Bailey? Jack's gone to get the file you asked for, but he should be back soon..." Andy's voice trailed off as she glanced at her watch, realizing that not much time had passed since they had left Bailey's office. Her confusion deepened, evident on her face.

Bailey recognized the need to clarify the situation before any more questions arose. She gestured towards Andrew, indicating his presence. "I'm not here for that, Andy," she explained, her tone gentle yet firm. "This is Dr. DeLuca." Bailey paused, aware of the potential for confusion. "Not that one. This is Andrew DeLuca, a general surgery attending here. According to the other Dr. DeLuca, he needs to be updated on Maya's condition."

Andrew had expected questions out of the Lieutenant’s mouth, questions he wasn’t sure Carina or Maya would've wanted him to answer, but instead Andy's expression transformed, a flicker of recognition crossing her features. A realization seemed to dawn upon her. "I know you," she exclaimed, her voice filled with a mix of surprise and further confusion. "I've seen you with Maya a few times, at Joe's."

Ah yes, the infamous bar where the doctors and firefighters often mingled after their long shifts to unwind and relax. Andrew wasn’t quite sure what the appropriate response was so he just nodded his head in agreement and said, “It’s nice to finally meet you.” as he smiled at the brunette in front of him.

Andy’s expression remained guarded as if she were withholding something. The tension in the room grew palpable, the unspoken questions hanging in the air. It was evident that she was grappling with a mix of emotions—concern for Maya's well-being, frustration over the unfamiliarity of the situation, and the underlying fear of the unknown.

Bailey took a step closer to her, "Andy, we're all here because we care about Maya," she interjected gently, her voice carrying a touch of empathy. "We want what's best for her. Dr. DeLuca here has Maya's best interests at heart, just like you do."

The woman nodded but her expression was still filled with skepticism as she watched the doctor read through Maya’s chart. When he was done he looked back to find Andy’s eyes still burning holes into him. “Lieutenant Herrera-”

She lifted her hand up effectively silencing the doctor, her eyes filled with a mix of protectiveness and vulnerability. "We're her family," she murmured, her voice tinged with a hint of frustration. She turned her head to Bailey mostly speaking to her as she looked away from Andrew, “We barely know who he is or this other Dr. DeLuca, how are we supposed to just trust them to make important decisions about our Captain’s health.”

Bailey empathized with Andy's perspective. She understood the deep bond and familial love that existed between them all. However, she also recognized the importance of honoring Maya's wishes. "I understand, Lieutenant. It's natural to feel that way. But Maya has chosen Dr. DeLuca for a reason. We have to respect her decision."

Andy's gaze shifted to Bailey, her eyes pleading for a more tangible explanation. "But where is Dr. DeLuca? Why isn't she the one I'm speaking to?"

Andrew, sensing the need to address Andy's concerns, stepped forward. He looked at Bailey, seeking her permission to share his perspective. Bailey nodded, allowing him to speak. Andrew faced Andy, he remained using his doctor voice, calm yet earnest. "Dr. Carina DeLuca is currently in Italy. Bailey has spoken to her directly, and she is doing everything she can to arrange a flight to be here as quickly as possible. I assure you, Lieutenant, Carina wants to be here just as much. She trusts me to provide updates and make decisions on Maya's behalf in the interim. Maya also trusts me, and I take that responsibility seriously."

Andy's frustration seemed to momentarily falter as Andrew addressed her concerns directly, his words imbued with sincerity. She listened intently, her eyes searching his face for any signs of deception. When she found none, she sighed, realizing that this was the reality they had to face. "Okay," she conceded, her voice laced with a mix of resignation and lingering worry.

Her gaze shifted back to Maya, her best friend lying motionless in the hospital bed, surrounded by a labyrinth of medical equipment. The sight of her pale skin weighed heavily on Andy, reminding her of the fragility of their life as firefighters. 

Just then, the sliding doors to the room opened once again, and Jack walked in, holding the file that Bailey had requested. His eyes darted between the individuals in the room, sensing the shift in the atmosphere.

"Did I miss something?" Jack asked, his voice filled with curiosity as his gaze lingered on the new addition to the room, trying to recall where he’d seen the man before, and then it clicked, but unlike Andy, his reaction was not as calm as Jack saw red, “You.” he exclaimed, his voice dripping with hostility. “What are you doing here?” and before anyone could ask what he meant, Jack was lunging at the man in a blind rage. 

Chapter Text

“You say that we’ll just screw it up in these trying times, we’re not trying. So cut the headlights, summers a knife. I’m always waiting for you to cut to the bone.”

Then, Seattle 2014

She sighed as she heard the shrill sound of her phone ringing, interrupting her peaceful sleep. Reluctantly, she reached over and answered the call, already anticipating the familiar voice on the other end. " Carina? " her brother's voice crackled through the speaker. " Carinaaa, are you there? "

Rolling her eyes, Carina replied, " Si , I'm here, Fratello . Calling me in the middle of the night again?” Her brother had been distant for so long after their mama ’s death that Carina often found it polarizing when he’d call to check up on her, and while she had learned to accept his impulsive nature, she still cherished her precious hours of sleep.

Still, she understood how Andrew felt, she’d been in a similar situation not long ago when she was oceans away from their mother as her health deteriorated. She understood her brother's worry and concern for their father, Vincenzo, after she told him the news of his episode nearly a month ago. She’d also told him Papa was getting better, that he was finally on medication, but regardless she appreciated the concern, it was a nice change compared to the distance. 

"I'm sorry," She knew her brother's worry stemmed from a place of love, and it gave her a sense of comfort to have him by her side, it made her feel less alone in it all. His supporting her when it came to their father’s health was what she’d wanted for so long—the kind of support she had longed for when her mother was still alive, hoping she would have fought harder for their family.

Carina had let go of blaming her mother for her decision to leave Vincenzo. She understood why she had made that choice. However, it didn't stop her from imagining a different life, one where she wasn’t alone against her father when his emotions were all over the place when his highs were too high and his lows too low. 

“He’s doing better fratello prometto. He's finally taking his medications on time, and he's returning to work next week. I know it may seem too soon, but trust me, I understand. He can be stubborn, but I'll keep a close watch on him. You know I will." she reassured her brother. 

"I know. I know. Sorry for disturbing you in the middle of the night, I’m just worried. You can go back to sleep. I'll try not to bother you anymore," her brother replied apologetically. Carina rolled her eyes once again, though he couldn't see it.  "Buonanotte?" he timidly asked, a hint of a smile evident in his voice.

“No need to be sorry for worrying. Disturbing my sleep, on the other hand... Try calling during the day next time, si? Buonanotte fratellino, ti chiamo domani.” (Good night little brother, I will call you tomorrow.) Carina responded, her tone gentle. They exchanged goodbyes, and Carina snuggled back into her warm bed when she felt the emptiness next to her.

She groggily threw the blanket off her face, squinting as the evening sun pierced through her eyelids forcing her eyes closed. She briefly considered returning to sleep. However, her plans quickly changed when she heard the sound of running water from the shower. Suddenly, sleep didn’t seem so inviting after all.

She got out of bed faster than she ever had before. Crossing the room, she gently turned the doorknob and pushed the door open, careful not to make a sound. She was greeted by the steam-clouded glass, barely revealing a figure moving behind it. Driven by impulse, Carina discarded her clothing, leaving her panties forgotten on the bathroom floor. She tiptoed into the shower, stealthily sneaking up behind the figure and wrapping her arm around the waist, surprising the blonde in front of her.

The truth was, she hated lying to her brother, not about their father's condition, no. Their papa had been well and stable for a month now, his mood swings gone as he stopped resisting medications. He was stable enough that Carina had decided to go through with an unplanned visit that had led her straight to the same city as her brother while he remained clueless. 

The blonde might've said they were hiding from him but Carina swore she would tell her brother soon. 

Eventually. 

She just didn't need any judgment until they had figured it out. 

Until Maya figured out what she wanted.

Carina had promised no labels, and she wouldn't pressure Maya into defining their relationship prematurely just to avoid her brother's judgment.

There was also the feeling of dread that the blonde would get scared and run away.

She wouldn’t tell Maya that though.

***

"So, dinner, you said?" Carina asked, walking closely behind the blonde, their fingers occasionally brushing against each other's but neither mustering the courage to hold hands.

"Well, there's been a slight change of plans," Maya replied, her voice filled with excitement. "It's your first time in Seattle, and I know Andrew gave you a little tour, but I also know he missed this part. And you can't leave Seattle without experiencing this." 

Maya insisted they walk there, and though Carina would usually complain if it were anyone else, with Maya, the walk, as long as it was, became almost bearable.

She had no idea where Maya was taking her. After questioning it multiple times without a proper answer, she decided to simply let the olympian set the pace and surrendered herself to the experience Maya had promised would be unforgettable.

And Carina had no doubt about that, Maya had already proven to be quite memorable.

"If you say so," Carina teased with a smile, contrasting with the playful pout that appeared on Maya's face. It was the kind of pout that made Carina yearn to lean over and kiss it away, to see it transform into the radiant smile that reached Maya's eyes. The kind that made Carina crave Maya's laughter, which sounded like music to her ears. Hoping then Maya would finally reach forward and connect their hands the contact between them sure to send jolts of electricity down Carina’s spine. 

She knew she was losing herself, and it was too much too soon, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. 

Carina had always fallen into love fast and fallen out of it just as quickly, but this felt different, there was a sense of serenity that had accompanied the feeling too like she could spend forever just waiting for their fingers to touch for a feeling moment, nothing more than a millisecond, and somehow that would still be enough. 

"We're here," Maya's voice broke Carina out of her thoughts as she looked ahead to where Maya's finger seemed to be pointing.

"Maya..." Carina began, a hint of surprise in her voice. She hadn't expected this when Maya mentioned having a different plan for their "not date." It seemed like something Seattle tourists would enjoy, but the idea of sharing a ferry ride with Maya felt somewhat... ‘romantic?’ 

"Come on, if we don’t go now we’ll have to wait for the next one," Maya said, placing her hand on Carina's arm and gently pulling her toward what appeared to be a ticketing booth. Although layers of clothing separated their skin from touching, the warmth emanating from Maya was enough for Carina’s cheeks to heat up and a silly smile to spread across her face.

***

“Carina,” she gasped, instinctively leaning back into the touch only to be met with warm skin and hardened nipples, “you scared me.” her voice was hoarse as she let out a laugh, seemingly the events of last night had done more damage to it than expected. 

Carina hummed as she sneaked a hand further up all the way to her chest pulling Maya deeper into her as she held one of her nipples between her fingers, squeezing and tugging at it, “Good morning, bella,” she whispered into Maya’s ear as she bit on the lobe lightly, sucking it right after. 

“It’s 2 pm” The blonde’s voice shook slightly near the end and Carina couldn’t help but smirk at the effect she had on her. Her hand moved to give Maya’s other nipple the same attention at the first except this time tagging harder until Maya let out a moan and arched further into her touch.

“Hmm, but I just woke up and I think it might be time for breakfast” Her hands quickly abandoned Maya’s chest as they traveled back down her body to hold her waist, walking her back toward the wall closest to the shower so they were both submerged under the warm stream, the droplets making their way over her skin and acting like fuel to the fire that was building at the pit of her stomach. 

Maya gasped as Carina turned her around, their faces now inches apart as the blonde’s back met the cold wall, “I think you might be right Dr. Deluca.” 

She was hardly a doctor yet, still in medical school, but the word coming out of Maya’s mouth attached to her name never failed to make her knees weak and her core wet.

Maya knew this, and she would often use it to her advantage. 

Today was no different, because as soon as Carina saw the blonde’s smirk she knew she had to wipe it off Maya’s face. She connected their lips immediately pushing her tongue inside, the force of the kiss causing Maya to let out a gasp as her hands found Carina’s neck to steady herself. 

But the brunette had different intentions as she moved back causing Maya’s hands to disconnect and drop down to her sides. She looked into Maya’s eyes once and then grabbed the hands placing them over her head as she leaned closer placing a kiss on Maya’s cheek, “Be a good girl and keep them there,” Maya nodded in quick succession as Carina loosened the pressure on her hands, eventually removing hers and moving them back to the blonde’s nipples, “so nice and obedient for me bella ” 

Maya whimpered as she bowed her head down to take one of her nipples into her mouth, sucking it and moving her tongue around the bud, only to repeat the action with the other. She couldn’t stay there too long, she had a different destination in mind, and after all, they didn’t want the water to get too cold. 

Her eyes remained on Maya as she slowly made her way to her knees, now facing the blonde’s wet center, for more reasons than one. She leaned in slowly, her nose rubbing against Maya’s clit as she took the scent in, “Carina…”

“Patience bambina,” she chided as she stuck her tongue out and slowly licked up the moisture that had collected outside the blonde’s entrance humming at the taste and smiling. 

She couldn’t think of a better sight to wake up to than Maya’s disheveled state as she got closer and closer to begging for what she wanted. Carina knew all it took was enough teasing from her end and Maya’s self-control would come crumbling down and so she wasn't surprised when she heard a whispered “please”

“What was that,” Carina asked instead, her breath hot against Maya’s center making the blonde buck her hips upwards, searching for any kind of relief. 

“Please fuck me” The plea was loud and clear this time and who was Carina to not give in to it, the sweet sound of Maya’s moans was enough incentive to lick harder and with more conviction.

Maya's hands, which had been raised above her head until now, gently descended and settled upon Carina's head. Her fingers entwined with Carina's damp, darkened strands, turning a shade closer to black under the cascading water.

Carina couldn’t find herself caring that Maya hadn’t listened because the feeling of the blonde fingers pushing her face deeper into Maya’s cunt almost sent her over the edge. Her moans muffled between her lips and Maya’s center, making the blonde’s legs shake as she threw her head back and her hips thrust to meet Carina’s mouth with every single stroke of her tongue. 

“So close,” Carina heard above her and she moved to take the blonde’s clit into her mouth sucking on it before thrusting a single digit into Maya, “Oh fuckk” She felt Maya push her face deeper, if that was even possible, as she started to shake before Carina felt her come undone above her. 

She licked every single drop clean before standing up to be met with closed eyes and a pleased smile on Maya’s lips. Her own smile matched the blonde’s as she connected their lips and hummed at the feeling of Maya’s hands encircling her waist. Although they didn’t stay there for long, making their way between their bodies and further south, before Maya could do anything she moved back a bit leaving the girl surprised. 

“As good as that was, I think I might need some real food,” Carina pouted, a playful expression adorning her face. The comment elicited a hearty laugh from Maya, who nodded in agreement. Maya then reached for the shampoo, squirting some into her hand before motioning for Carina to turn around. As Carina complied, Maya began lathering the shampoo into Carina's hair.

The unexpected gesture took Carina by surprise. It was tender and comforting, evoking a sense of safety and warmth. She hadn't realized just how much she needed such an act until Maya's fingers started massaging her scalp, causing her eyes to flutter shut involuntarily, a soft moan escaping her lips.

***

"So, a doctor?" Maya asked, her voice barely audible over the harsh Seattle wind as they gazed into the water.

Carina shook her head, a cloud of breath escaping her lips in the chilly air. "Not yet, but hopefully one day,"

Maya's smile brightened. "I can see it. You would make a great doctor someday."

Curiosity sparked in Carina's eyes. "And why is that?" she inquired.

Maya's smile widened, causing her eyes to crinkle at the corners.“Because you’re nice and I haven’t met many doctors in my life but the few that I have were always nice” Carina guessed that was a good enough reason although the sad tone of Maya’s voice made her wonder if there was more there. 

Instead, Carina brought the question back to Maya, after all, they were getting to know each other, "And what about you, Maya Bishop? What do you want to be?" she desperately wanted to crack the puzzle that was the blonde, “Let me guess…a track coach?” she expected a laugh or maybe a nod indicating that she was right but instead she saw the blonde flinch at her words, her composure breaking. 

She was about to ask if she’d said anything wrong when Maya breathed out slowly, her back relaxing as she let out a laugh. The reaction Carina had expected the first time, “I haven’t really thought about it much, but I think maybe something that keeps me on my feet, like a first responder?"

The unexpected nature of her response made her momentarily forget about Maya’s reaction, “Wait like a cop?” 

“Or a firefighter” Maya shrugged, causing a flicker of unease to pass through Carina at the thought of Maya risking her life inside burning buildings.

“Or a paramedic?” Carina suggested, seeking a less dangerous option.

“Yeah, like I said I haven't looked much into it,” 

Carina just hummed, “You'd make a good firefighter someday," she said, echoing the same words Maya had spoken to her earlier.

Maya's smile grew, catching onto Carina's words. "And why is that?" she asked playfully.

“Because…” she shuffled closer to the blonde and placed a hand over her arm before whispering in her ear, “of these” She gave her bicep a little squeeze and Maya laughed, the sound cascading over the waves, melodic as ever. 

“You’re unbelievable,” she replied although the light blush on her cheeks and the big smile on her face said otherwise. 

***

“I applied to the fire academy” were not the words Carina had expected to come out of Maya’s mouth once they’d finished their lunch (and she’d decided it was time for some dessert ). She was half naked on top of the blonde straddling her, as Maya’s hands traced patterns on her thighs. 

“What?” the statement was abrupt and it made her move back and settle next to Maya on the bed, folding her legs under her as Maya sat up. 

“Well, you know how I graduate next month?” Carina nodded well aware because she had been on the other side of the phone while Maya had stressed about her future after the big day. “I looked at so many other options but the academy just felt right”

Maya hadn’t talked about the academy since that one time months ago, since their first not-date , she’d honestly thought the blonde had pretty much forgotten about it. She guessed this was still better than Maya deciding on the police academy and being repeatedly shot at for work. 

“So?” the blonde questioned timidly waiting for her response. 

“I’m proud of you bambina,” she smiled at Maya because she was. Carina truly was proud of Maya for finding a sense of purpose, even if it meant running into burning buildings for a living, “I know you’ll get in.”

"Yeah?" Maya's shy smile lit up her face, and Carina nodded enthusiastically. "You're the first person I've told," Maya added, her voice tinged with vulnerability.

Carina felt butterflies flutter in her stomach at Maya's confession. "Are you going to tell your parents?" she asked, her tone gentle.

A sullen look crossed Maya's face, but she nodded. "I'll tell my dad if I get in."

Carina's smile remained unwavering. "When, not if," she corrected, radiating confidence. "You will get in, bella. Sei bellissima, sei forte, sei tenace, " she said, placing a kiss on Maya's skin after each adjective.

Maya looked up at her, a mix of confusion and affection in her eyes. "I don't understand a word of this, but somehow it's working," she remarked, her smile growing wider.

“Go shine your light bella , tell your truth” Carina whispered, drawing closer to Maya's lips. “Dammi un bacio”

Maya gasped upon hearing the familiar words and understanding their meaning. "Was that 'kiss me'?" Instead of nodding, Carina leaned in, their lips meeting in a slow, passionate kiss. The heat between them intensified as Carina gently pushed Maya onto the bed, returning to their earlier position.

All the while Carina's mind whirled with thoughts of what this meant for their relationship. Her thoughts raced with the realization that it was finally time to tell her brother about Maya. She needed someone to confide in, someone other than the blonde herself.

Chapter Text

Then, Sicily 2014

“But time moves faster, replaying your laughter, disaster. ‘Cause now you’re so far away, and I’m down. Feeling like a face in the crowd, I’m reaching for you, terrified.”

Carina's days mostly followed a monotonous routine.

She would wake up in the mornings, barely having caught up on any sleep, and walk exhausted through her single-bedroom apartment in search of freshly brewed coffee. 

While waiting for her daily dose of caffeine, she often used the time to scroll through her notifications.

Sometimes there would be a call from Andrea, but there was nothing but radio silence from her papa. 

Afterward, she would move on to her emails, and by the time she had gotten through them, her coffee would be prepared.

Then she would make herself breakfast and head to her classes.

Of course, that was before Maya had entered her life. 

Now, her mornings usually started the same but ended with a face-splitting smile upon seeing the two-worded message that gave her the boost of serotonin she needed to start her day:

"Good Morning <3"

Today, however, it was followed by fear as Carina checked the date.

It was Maya's first day at the academy, and as the brunette checked the time, she realized that Maya was probably already there. 

She set her coffee down and quickly typed up a response:

C - Buongiorno bella <3

C - Good luck on your first day.

Carina had long come to terms with Maya's decision to become a firefighter, but that didn't stop the anxiety bubbling in her chest every time she thought of the blonde running towards an active flame instead of away from it.

Nevertheless, she silently stood by Maya as she read over her acceptance, seeing the smile on her face. Knowing that this was something Maya wanted to do soothed the pain, albeit only slightly.

Today, Carina would be there when Maya eventually got home and told her about her first day. She anticipated the blonde's excitement as she ranted off about fire safety, even though Carina had already heard all the information before when Maya had studied the manuals to "prepare" for her first day.

She found it endearing how Maya always wanted to be ten steps ahead of others, maintaining that mental clipboard of hers and consistently checking items off her list of things to accomplish.

Another thing that eased Carina’s heart a little.

Maya was only in the academy and Carina couldn't help but imagine various scenarios in her head where the blonde wouldn't come out of a fire alive.

She shook off the negative thoughts and decided to just distract herself with the rest of her morning routine. 

Emails.

Breakfast. 

Shower. 

Classes. 

She had just arrived at her morning class when her newest friend, Gabriella, hurriedly approached her. Despite the rush, not a hair was out of place on Gabriella's head. She looked flawless as ever. 

“Come mai sei di nuovo in ritardo?” (How come you are late again?) Carina asked her friend as Gabriella pulled out the seat next to her.

“Mio allarme” Gabriella huffed, throwing her books onto the table.

"Always the same excuse," Carina smiled and shook her head, knowing it would trigger a reaction from the brunette.

She had only known Gabriella for less than a year, but they had instantly connected. Carina would almost call Gabriella her best friend, but saying that to her would only inflate the brunette's existing ego. So she kept the thought to herself.

"It isn't an excuse, amica ," Gabriella gasped in offense, just as Carina had predicted. "So, how's your tiny firefighter?"

Their professor was late once again, and Carina supposed that talking about her worries regarding Maya would lighten the ever-existing pressure on her chest.

Carina took a deep breath, grateful for the opportunity to share her concerns. "Maya just started at the academy," she began, her voice tinged with a mixture of pride and apprehension. "She had her first day today, and... I can't help but worry. Being a firefighter is such a dangerous job, you know? But Maya is determined and passionate about it. I just hope she stays safe."

Gabriella nodded empathetically, her eyes filled with understanding. "I can only imagine how you feel."

"I just feel so far away sometimes, and it's not only the distance," Carina continued. "Maya also refuses to name our relationship, and I don't necessarily need her to. Although, it would be nice to know that Maya would tell me if she ever got injured."

"Honestly, I don't know," Carina shrugged. "Maya thinks she can sit with pain. She won gold on a sprained ankle, for God's sake. It's just frustrating not knowing. I know it's not fair to her because I trust her, she's never given me a reason not to, but..." Carina sighed, her voice filled with a mix of frustration and sadness. "There are things in her past that have made her put walls up. Walls that I've tried so hard to bring down, brick by brick."

Gabriella reached out and placed a comforting hand on Carina's arm. "Carina, it's important to remember that trust is built over time. Maya may have her reasons for keeping those walls up, but it doesn't mean she doesn't care about you or that she wouldn't reach out if something happened.”

“You’re right. You’re right.” she sighed in frustration. 

It was times like these where Carina wished her father's unreliable moods hadn't instilled a sense of doubt in her when it came to relationships.

Maya wasn't her father, though. She just had to remember that. Maya had shown her support, and care, and Carina needed to trust in that. She couldn't let her past experiences taint her present relationship. Maya deserved her faith, and Carina was determined to give it to her.

Her phone pinged with a receiving message, pulling her out of her thoughts.

M- Thank You <3

M- Just got back home

M- Call me if you have time between your classes, I’ll stay up. 

Carina's heart warmed at Maya's message. Despite the exhaustion from her classes, she couldn't resist reaching out to hear Maya's voice.

C- I can't wait to hear all about your first day, bella. I'll call you as soon as I'm out of class. 

Seeing that her professor had finally decided to show up, Carina made a conscious effort to push thoughts of Maya aside and focus on her class for now. As she sat through the lecture, her mind kept drifting back to Maya's message. It seemed neither particularly positive nor negative, leaving Carina curious about the direction their call would take.

When her lecture was over, Carina quickly gathered her books and made her way outside. With a mix of anticipation and nervousness, she dialed Maya's number, her heart racing as she waited for the call to connect. And then, she heard it—the sound of Maya's voice on the other end of the line.

“Hi,” 

“ Ciao Bella, How was your first day?” Carina asked, her voice tinged with hesitancy as she prepared herself for whatever Maya was about to share.

"Only two women, " Maya's voice came through, frustration evident in her tone. "I just thought there would be more. Thousands of applicants, twenty recruits, and only two women. Two women, including me."

"Did you get a chance to talk to the other recruit? Maybe you can find some support and camaraderie together," Carina suggested, hoping it would alleviate some of Maya's frustration. "What's that saying? 'There's safety in numbers'?"

Maya hesitated before responding, her voice tinged with disappointment. "I tried, but the other recruit, Andy, is a legacy. She doesn't seem too keen on making new friends."

Carina could sense the disappointment in Maya's voice, and it made her wish she could be there physically to provide the support Maya needed. "I'm sorry, bella . That must be tough," she empathized, her voice filled with genuine concern.

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line before Maya spoke again. "You know, I miss our little moments," she admitted, her voice filled with a mix of longing and vulnerability. "...It's different being here without you now that I've experienced shared mornings with you."

Carina's heart swelled at Maya's words, both warmed and saddened by the admission. Although she hadn't expected those words to come from Maya, it was reassuring. "I m-”

But just as Carina was about to reassure Maya that she felt the same, her friend Gabriella waved her over urgently, signaling to her watch. Carina's heart sank as she realized they were running late for their next class.

"Shit! Sorry, bella ," Carina apologized hurriedly, feeling guilty for cutting the conversation short. "Gabriella is calling me over. If I don't go now, we'll be late."

Maya's response carried a hint of disappointment. "Uhm, don't worry about it," she said, her voice losing its softness. Carina instantly felt like she had messed up.

"No, bambina, I promise I'll call you after—" Carina tried to assure Maya, but she was interrupted.

"I said don't worry about it, Carina," Maya's words now held an edge to them, a coldness that Carina had rarely heard before. "Go be with your ‘friend’."

Confusion clouded Carina's thoughts as she furrowed her brows. "What does that mean?"

"You know what it means," Maya replied curtly, her tone icy.

Carina felt a mix of frustration and concern. Gabriella's presence seemed to be a trigger for Maya, and it only deepened her confusion. As Gabriella continued to speak loudly in Italian in the background, Maya’s unease seemed to grow

Maya's voice came through again, this time with a hint of bitterness. "Whatever, it's not like you owe me any of your time. We're barely even dating." Maya's words struck Carina like a punch to the gut, leaving her speechless and hurt.

The hurt and confusion swirled within her as she tried to comprehend Maya's sudden change in tone. 

"Maya, wait," Carina pleaded, sounding almost desperate.

But it was too late. Maya had already ended the call, leaving Carina staring at her phone in disbelief. 

She replayed their conversation in her mind, searching for any clues as to what might have triggered such a reaction.

What had even happened?

Maya had seemed fine one moment, and then everything had changed. She couldn't understand why the blonde had become so distant and dismissive.

Feeling a mix of frustration and concern, Carina decided to give Maya some space, deciding to call her the next day. 

***

Carina woke up the next morning with a heavy heart. 

There was no "Good Morning" message from Maya, and her calls went unanswered. The silence was deafening, and suddenly Carina's days were back to the same monotonous routine, except this time the ache of what once was remained.

Chapter Text

Now, Seattle 2023

“Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down, Now I don't know what to be without you around. And we know it's never simple, never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand, and I can’t breathe without you…”

Carina had developed a deep aversion to airplanes over the years. 

Despite her love for traveling and immersing herself in new experiences, exploring different cities, embracing diverse cultures, and engaging in exciting conversations with strangers, the thought of boarding a plane filled her with an unexplainable dread.

It wasn't a fear of heights, nor was it solely the discomfort of being confined in a cramped space between strangers, although those aspects did contribute to her aversion. It really wasn’t even the feeling of leaving her home behind.

Because Gabriella was right, Italy hadn’t been her home for a long time. 

Her family had been torn apart when her mother and brother departed on a plane, leaving Carina and her father behind. Later on, she received the devastating news of her mother's illness during a visit she had made by flying to see Carina. And then there was Maya, her heart, her true home , who was separated from her each time they said goodbye to one another at an airport gate.

Maya. Her home. 

Over the last decade, Carina had experienced the heartache of being forced to leave her cherished home time and again.

But now, she was flying towards Maya instead of away and that should’ve soothed her heart a little, yet it only heightened her anxiety. She felt the walls of the airplane closing in on her, intensifying her unease. Deep down, she knew that when she stepped out of the plane, her home wouldn’t be waiting for her on the other side of those gates. 

Instead, Maya lay in a hospital bed, fighting for her life, and Carina felt the weight of the distance separating them. 

She ran her trembling hands through her hair, pushing back the dark strands in an attempt to compose herself. Her fingers lingered on her neck, feeling for any sense of relief, but her breath came in shallow gasps. A dryness settled in her throat, and her skin felt as though it was crawling with nerves.

Desperate for some respite, Carina reached for the bottle of water the flight attendant had provided and took large gulps, hoping to soothe her unease. As the plane shook with turbulence and the engine's roar filled the cabin, it seemed to drown out her inner turmoil. 

Slowly, Carina tried to regain control of her breathing, attempting to steady her racing heart. At that moment, more than anything, she wished for Maya to be sitting beside her—awake, conscious, and able to talk her out of what she was sure was an approaching panic attack. 

Carina closed her eyes, picturing Maya's comforting presence, her warm smile, and the gentle touch of her hand. The blue eyes that could calm her down with one look just as they’d done the first time she’d seen the blonde all those years ago, standing in her track uniform a size too big for her smaller frame at the time. 

Thinking about Maya and how far she’d come now. How far they’d both come despite the ups and downs of their relationship. It distracted her enough that without realizing Carina had started to breathe much easier. 

Shallow breaths turned into calm and steady ones as she gripped both sides of her seat to remain grounded. 

The plane pressed forward, carrying her toward Maya as Carina's thoughts flew ahead, hoping to bridge the distance that separated them.

***

This was just perfect.

It was raining. 

Because of course, it was. When had Seattle weather ever been on her side? 

The rain poured relentlessly, drenching the streets of Seattle. It was just as expected in a city known for its perpetually gloomy weather. The somber atmosphere matched her own emotions as if the dark clouds above were reflecting her inner turmoil.

Instead of letting her brother pick her up, she had opted for a cab to the hospital, unwilling to risk anyone leaving Maya's side. Her brother's presence was more important than he was right now. 

She gazed out of the cab window, watching the towering buildings pass by, indifferent to the pedestrians scurrying along the wet sidewalks.

As much as Seattle had been home to a lot of pain over the years, it was also the place where she and Maya had undoubtedly fallen in love. The street where she’d first run into Maya while turning the corner a year after thinking she’d never find the blonde again. She recalled the Italian restaurant where Maya had taken her to celebrate Carina's acceptance into a prestigious residency program. The food had been disappointing but she assured Maya that the loving gesture from her was enough to make her forget Americanized versions of her favourite dishes. 

A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she tried to push away the painful memories. Right now, she desperately wanted to focus on anything other than the past.

Impatient, she silently urged the cab to move faster, yearning to arrive at the hospital soon. Her prayers seemed to be answered when the cab screeched to a sudden halt outside a building bearing the words 'Grey + Sloan Memorial Hospital' on its glass doors. Carina fumbled in her coat pocket to pay the driver and pulled out her phone to call her brother, only to be distracted by an unread message from him.

‘Meet me in the ER’ 

Carina furrowed her brows in confusion. As far as she knew, Maya had been transferred to a private room after her surgery. There was no reason for her to be in the emergency room. 

She pocketed her phone and headed in the opposite direction. The glass doors slid open, revealing a scene of chaos. Doctors hurriedly attended to patients, and worried family members had gathered around the reception area. 

Carina's eyes instinctively scanned the board displaying patient names. She wasn't specifically looking for Maya's name, but her gaze stopped when she noticed the words "A. DeLuca." Following the row, she found the number 9 and hurriedly made her way toward the bed.

Pushing aside the curtains, she stepped inside and found her brother lying there, his head tilted back as he held an ice bag over his nose. Concern filled her as she whispered-yelled, "Dio, Andrea, cosa hai fatto?" Her voice was loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough to cause a scene in the busy ER.

"Carina..." he sighed, lifting the ice bag slightly, revealing dried blood that had been partially cleaned. She gasped and rushed to his side, lifting his face gently, causing him to whimper in pain.

"Scusa, scusa, cos'è successo?" she asked, her voice filled with worry. He scooted over slightly to make space for her.

"Jack," he said with disdain, his voice tinged with anger. The mention of the name caused a sudden change in expression on Carina's face. "He must've remembered me from that day."

“ Dio, it’s been years and somehow he's still holding on to it like he’s a child," Carina exclaimed, standing up and preparing to give Jack a piece of her mind. "Punching you when he was clearly the one in the wrong." She started pacing the room, releasing a string of not-so-friendly words in Italian. “Stronzo”

“ Carina, calmati, respira per favore,” Andrew pleaded, reaching out to hold her wrist as she walked past his bed for the fifth time. "I'm okay, honestly. And I guess he's grieving—"

"HE'S GRIEVING??" Carina interrupted, throwing her hands up in the air, her voice growing louder, causing Andrew to look around anxiously, making sure they weren't causing a scene. "He has no right to be 'protective' over her after what he did."

"Carina, he's one of Maya's closest friends," Andrew tried to reason, but she cut him off.

"Maya," she paused, a hint of desperation in her voice, "what room?"

"Not until you don't look like you would strangle Jack the minute you laid eyes on him," he shook his head.

"Is he in there?" she asked, receiving a nod in response. "Cosa? Andrea, tell me the room number right now."

He shook his head once again, urging her to take a deep breath.

"Fine, if you won't tell me, I'll go find it myself. I'm her Power of Attorney, they have to tell me where she is," Carina declared with determination.

"Carina, wait," Andrew called after her, but she ignored him and stormed out of the ER, determined to locate Maya's room on her own.

She briskly walked through the halls, lined with patients and doctors, her gaze fixed on her destination. Finally, she spotted the nurses' desk and hastened towards it.

The nurse behind the desk was occupied with a phone call, and Carina glanced around, hoping to find someone else who could assist her. Failing to spot anyone, she decided to wait until the call ended. Impatiently, she tapped her legs on the floor, feeling the restlessness building within her. The call seemed to drag on and on, making Carina increasingly agitated.

Her frustration grew as she replayed her brother's actions in her mind. If only he had given her the room number, she would have already been by Maya's side. But no, Andrea had insinuated that she was too angry and agitated, which she couldn't deny, but withholding information wasn't going to make things better.

She would deal with that stupido later. 

Once the nurse finally ended her call, Carina swiftly approached her, leaning on the desk. "Excuse me, I'm Dr. DeLuca. I'm here for Maya Bishop. Could you please tell me what room she's in?"

The nurse glanced at Carina, scanning her from head to toe, before redirecting her gaze to the screen in front of her. Carina's frustration grew as she tried to regulate her breathing and maintain a calm demeanor. 

“Oh yes, the fire captain right?”

“Si,” Carina nodded, finally, she was getting somewhere, “So, is there a room number on there by any chance?”

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I cannot divulge information about her to anyone except family," the nurse responded, giving Carina another quick once-over again.

"I'm her girlfriend and her Power of Attorney. The chief of surgery herself contacted me," Carina said, exasperation seeping into her voice. "My name is Dr. Carina DeLuca, it should all be right there." She was already tired from the long fight, and she didn't need the nurse's attitude adding to her frustration.

The nurse paused for a moment, seemingly contemplating Carina's words. "Wait a minute, I'll page the Chief," she said, and Carina sighed, she guessed it was something although she was sure her name was right there on Maya’s forms. 

“There’s no need,” A voice behind Carina spoke up. She turned around to face its source, "Dr. DeLuca, I'm assuming?" the person asked. Carina nodded in response. "We spoke on the phone. I'm Dr. Bailey, the Chief of Surgery, and also Maya's doctor," the doctor introduced herself, stepping closer to Carina.

"Yes, Dr. Bailey, it's nice to finally meet you. I've been trying to get information about Maya for ages," Carina replied, her frustration against the nurse still evident. The nurse who was now looking anywhere but in their direction. “I just want to see her,” 

Dr. Bailey's voice softened as she replied, "I understand, more than you know." Carina was aware of Dr. Bailey's connection to Maya through her husband, Ben Warren, who was a firefighter at Maya's station. She also knew that both Maya and Ben had a knack for finding themselves in hospitals.“Maya’s in room 307, I can take you there?” Dr. Bailey offered, and Carina nodded gratefully, appreciative of the doctor's assistance.

"How is she?" Carina asked, her worry evident in her voice.

"She's in stable condition after her surgery, but I will need to speak with you regarding further care. Let's find a more private place to discuss it after you've seen her," Dr. Bailey explained. Carina nodded once again, silently following Maya's doctor as they made their way toward the elevators. They stepped inside, and pressed the button for the third floor, riding the elevator all the way up. 

When they approached the room Dr. Bailey stopped outside and looked into the glass panel separating her from Maya. “Two of her Lieutenants are in there right now, I can clear the room if you need privacy?” the woman asked her. 

Carina quickly nodded, appreciating Dr. Bailey more and more for dealing with things that the Italian had long lost the energy to face. 

She stood off to the side as Dr. Bailey slid the doors closed behind her and approached the two firefighters inside the room. Carina could see them through the glass, their voices muffled but their body language evident. One of the firefighters seemed agitated, gesturing with a hand that held an ice pack, while the other appeared more composed, sitting beside Maya's bed.

It was only a few minutes before both lieutenants walked out of the room, staring at her before walking in the opposite direction. Jack's eyes held anger, while Andy's gaze seemed rather curious

Carina decided to address their presence later, wondering what Dr. Bailey had said to persuade them to leave without much argument. Although, Dr. Bailey did seem like the kind of woman who could get what she wanted, no matter the circumstances.

Dr. Bailey approached Carina again, gently placing her hand on her shoulder. "I know you're a doctor, but these situations can be tough when it comes to the people we love," she said softly, her voice filled with empathy. "There are a lot of wires and machines attached to her, but I want you to remember she's stable for now, okay? Don't think about the next steps for now. Just be with her. You've had a long flight, and we'll address the rest soon enough."

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey. Truly," Carina replied, her gratitude evident in her voice.

Dr. Bailey nodded and stepped aside, allowing Carina to proceed at her own pace. Carina slowly slid open the door and quietly walked inside the room.

The room was enveloped in silence, save for the sporadic beeping of the monitor. Carina's gaze fixated on the fragile form lying motionless and pale against the white hospital sheets. The sight brought tears to her eyes as she approached Maya, moving with a speed she didn’t know she possessed. 

“Ciao tesoro, mi sei mancata. I’m here now, you’re safe with me okay? Just come back home bambina” Carina whispered.

Just come back home. 

She repeated the words over and over like a mantra as her fingers delicately ran through Maya's blonde hair, gently smoothing out the loose strands.

Andrà tutto bene bambina. 

Andrà tutto bene. 

I’m here now. 

Chapter Text

Then, Seattle 2015

“I wish you would come back. Wish I never hung up the phone like I did. I wish you knew that, I’ll never forget you as long as I live, and I wish you were right here, right now, it’s all good. I wish you would.”

Maya knew she’d messed up. 

She couldn't tear her eyes away from the last message Carina had sent her, pleading for Maya to call her back. Although the message was dated two weeks ago, it felt as though everything had unraveled in her life quite quickly. 

It was no secret that Maya had a tendency to sabotage the good things in her life, and Carina was undeniably one of the best things that had ever happened to her. Perhaps, too good. Maya constantly felt the urge to mess things up before Carina inevitably realized what a mess Maya truly was.

Opening up and sharing her emotions was foreign to Maya. Throughout her life, her father had drilled into her that feelings were merely distractions and that the only thing that mattered was reaching the finish line. Eyes forward. 

Maybe he was right. Carina had become nothing but a distraction in Maya's life, a distraction that she couldn't shake off her mind.

Maybe it was time for Maya to move on and leave Carina in the past. Andy, her fellow recruit, had invited her out for drinks almost a week ago. Perhaps it was finally time for Maya to accept the invitation.

Although, another issue that troubled Maya was her uncertainty about where she stood with Carina. Were they broken up? Taking a break? Still together, but purposely avoiding each other for the past two weeks? Definitely not that last one.

Not that avoiding Carina had been difficult, considering she lived in another country and hadn't made any further attempts to contact Maya after the blonde had ignored her texts the morning after their last interaction.

It wasn't entirely Maya's fault—or well, it was—but if she knew how to handle her emotions better, none of this would have happened in the first place.

She’d done this before, leaving Carina alone in her hotel room and disappearing without a word, as if she had vanished from the face of the earth.

Leave them before they have a chance to leave you. 

That's what everyone, including Carina, thought of Maya, and they weren't entirely wrong. However, Maya had another reason for her actions that night—she was distracted. Just as she was distracted when Carina called, not realizing the extent of her mistake until the dial tone echoed in her ears.

Maya never offered an explanation for her actions that night, and Carina never asked for one, although Maya knew the brunette was curious. Carina had been infuriatingly perfect, far too perfect for someone as damaged as Maya.

Perhaps it was time to take Andy up on her offer for drinks and leave all of this behind.

***

Maya's plan had hit a small snag.

No matter what she did, she couldn't stop thinking about Carina. She saw glimpses of the brunette in the crowd, in every tall brunette that passed by their table. Every accent she heard only reminded her of how it wasn’t perfect like Carina's. How the shades of brown eyes didn't quite resemble those of the Italian.

It was like fitting together puzzle pieces that didn't quite match, leaving behind a gap. Close, but not the real deal.

Maya was aware of how she appeared to Andy, shamelessly flirting with every person she laid eyes on at the bar. However, her heart wasn't fully in it. She knew Andy couldn't quite see that part of her, though.

She also couldn't deny that she was having fun with Andy. Maya had been pleasantly surprised when she finally gave her a chance. Carina's words echoed in her mind, urging her to befriend Andy because there was strength in numbers. Once again, Carina had been right. Fire academy had felt a lot less lonely since Maya had given Andy a chance. 

"What's got you sulking here in the corner?" Andy approached Maya, offering her a beer. Maya smiled and nodded in thanks, taking the bottle from her hand.

Did she want to tell Andy the truth? Maya knew it would help to let some of her burdens off her chest, but she had grown accustomed to keeping everything inside. Plus, there was the fear of scaring Andy away because there was more on Maya's mind than just Carina.

There was also her brother. 

Maya hadn't even told Carina the full extent of what had happened between her and Mason, and it felt wrong to confide in someone else. However, Carina wasn't speaking to her, and Maya felt the need to unload some of her thoughts. Still, she wasn't sure if sharing any of it with Andy would be a wise decision, so she decided to let it go and plastered a smile on her face instead.

"Nothing, just thinking about how spectacularly Wallace messed up during drills today," Maya said, the smile turning genuine as she recalled the memory of the man falling flat on his ass while trying to beat Maya's time. 

"I think you're just smug about the fact that you're faster than anyone else in the Academy," Andy scoffed and smiled, taking a sip of her beer.

Maya smirked, "Just the Academy? I'm pretty sure I could beat anyone in the fire department if I ever had the chance."

"Oh, I believe you, especially with that gold medal you keep hung up in your locker."

"I'm just proud of my achievements, Herrera," Maya furrowed her brow, wondering what Andy meant by her statement, but the woman just laughed at Maya's response.

"And there's nothing wrong with that. You earned that medal, and you deserve to flaunt it as much as you want. God knows the men in the academy would've."

Now that was something Maya agreed with. Being the only two women in their class had brought them closer together. As much as Maya hated to admit it, she needed Andy by her side, and she knew Andy needed her too.

Andy had also surprised Maya with her openness. Their first interaction had consisted of Andy telling Maya that they didn't need to be friends just because they were both women. But as they spent more time together, Andy shared personal stories about her father and how he had stepped back to let her choose her own path, and although Andy said it like it was the worst thing in the world Maya couldn't help but compare it to her own dynamic with her father, who sought control over every aspect of her life.

Which is why Maya only revealed the basics to Andy—that her parents were alive and lived in Seattle, and she occasionally spoke to her dad to give him updates on her life. She knew Maya had a younger brother who also lived away from home but nothing further than that. 

Andy had no idea about Carina's existence, assuming Maya was single and had always been. Relationships were just not Maya's thing.

Andy on the other hand would go on and on about this guy named Ryan, how they had dated in high school and lost contact for a while, only to cross paths again last year. It was clear to anyone with eyes that Andy loved him, but there was something else she seemed to be hiding.

But Maya understood the need for secrets, considering she was keeping a lot of her own.

***

It was another week later when Maya got an unexpected visitor at her apartment. 

Peering through the peephole, she was puzzled as to how the man had found her address. Nevertheless, there he stood outside her door, hands in his pockets and a frown on his face.

Maya opened the door, and without any warning, he stepped inside.

"Finally. It's fucking cold outside, Maya. What took you so long?" he grumbled, pulling his hands out of his pockets and rubbing them together for warmth.

"Hi Andrew, it's nice to see you too. Sorry, I took so long to open the door, even though I had no idea you were coming by," Maya replied sarcastically, and he glared at her, withdrawing his hands from his mouth where he had been trying to warm them with his breath.

"You have some nerve to ignore my sister for three weeks over what? Jealousy?" he accused.

Oh, so we’re getting right into it then. 

"Did she send you here?" Maya asked a tinge of fear in her voice. She wasn't even aware that Carina had told her brother about their relationship, let alone if the reason she did so was because Maya had essentially ghosted her. 

"No, her friend Gabriella did," Andrew sighed, "she's just worried because Carina has shut her out and won't talk about what happened but Carina ignoring her is a big sign that it has something to do with her.”

Maya couldn't help but smirk at him. "You talk to Gabriella? Like casually?" she inquired.

"What does that have to do with anything?" he retorted, clearly taken aback.

"Oh, nothing. I just thought Carina and Gabriella haven't known each other for that long, so I'm just wondering when you had the time to get so close to her," Maya said, her smile widening.

"Stop changing the topic. This isn't about me," he warned, pointing a finger at her before making himself comfortable on her couch without much consideration. He wasn’t as threatening as his sister, coming off as more of an angered puppy than anything else. 

Maya found it endearing how Andrew had come all the way to her apartment just to talk sense into her. It showed that he cared about his sister and her well-being.

"So, is this not about jealousy then?" he asked, furrowing his brows. "Because you don't sound like someone who's jealous of how close her girlfriend is to her best friend."

He was catching on to her

"Honestly, I don't see how any of this is your business, Andrew," she shrugged, taking a seat on the opposite side of the couch, still slightly facing him. "Also, she's not my girlfriend," Maya added, scrunching up her face to stop herself from dwelling on how good it sounded.

"Yeah, not anymore," he rolled his eyes in response.

"No, I mean we were never officially together," Maya clarified.

"Yes, but you were exclusively dating, right? You weren't seeing other people?" he pressed.

"I wasn't, but Carina and I never had that conversation," Maya admitted with a shrug.

"Maya," Andrew sighed, rubbing the palm of his hand over his forehead. "One thing you should probably know about Carina is that she's loyal to a fault. When she pursues someone, she does it fully and exclusively, even if you guys never talked about it." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "Which is why I don't understand why you were jealous of Gabriella, of all people."

"I wasn't," Maya sighed, her voice tinged with frustration. "I wasn't jealous, okay? Maybe for a second, but I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet. This way, Carina can move on and forget about me, and I can take the blame for being emotionally unavailable," she explained, standing up and making her way to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. Her throat suddenly felt dry from all the thoughts swirling in her mind.

Andrew followed Maya and leaned against the kitchen island. "You sound like you're trying to convince yourself," he observed.

"What?" Maya retorted, taken aback by his remark.

"I'm just saying," he moved around her to make eye contact, "you don't really sound like you want this."

"What are you, a therapist now?" Maya snapped back at him defensively.

"No, just someone who has pushed people away before, especially Carina, who didn't deserve it," he replied with a touch of seriousness in his voice.

Maya sighed, feeling the weight of her own secrets. "There is something else, okay? But I can't tell you, so please don't make me."

"Have you told Carina?" Andrew asked, and Maya shook her head, indicating that she hadn't. Of course she hadn't; if she had just opened up to Carina, they wouldn't have found themselves in this position. "Can you tell her?"

"I'm not sure she wants to hear me out right now, Andrew," Maya said, a hollow laugh escaping her lips. "It's too late, and maybe it's all for the best."

"You'll be surprised by how much an 'I'm sorry' and a good explanation can fix, especially with Carina. Trust me," Andrew said, placing a hand on Maya's shoulder. "I like you, Maya, okay? I think you're good for her, as much as you don't want to see it."

Maya shook her head, feeling unworthy of Andrew's faith in her. He must have lost his mind if he believed Maya deserved his sister after all the times she had messed up.

"You are," Andrew insisted. "Carina was happier with you than I've ever seen her before. Even though you were miles apart, just a message from you made her eyes light up and made her days a thousand times better." He let out a sigh. "Talk to her, Maya. Please?"

"But what if she doesn't pick up?" Maya asked, her voice laced with doubt

What if it was too late?

"Keep trying," he said firmly. "Her anger will fade when she sees you're genuinely sorry."

***

Taking Andrew's advice to heart, Maya mustered the courage to call Carina as soon as he had left her apartment. 

However, the call went unanswered. It wasn't entirely surprising, considering the strained situation. Maya decided to wait a little and tried again the following night, only to receive the same response. The next morning brought more of the same.

The way Maya saw it she had two options: either continue calling Carina, hoping she wouldn't block her number, or take matters into her own hands. She chose the latter. Determined to explain herself to Carina in person, Maya booked the first flight to Italy.

Maya was scared to say the least, she had never done anything like this before. Not only was she traveling to a foreign country, but she was essentially going there to beg for Carina's forgiveness, fully aware that Carina could slam the door in her face.

Except when she reached the address Andrew had given her and knocked on the door she didn’t expect the person standing in front of her, “Gabriella,” Maya pressed her lips into a thin line and forced a smile, trying not to show her surprise.

Gabriella, on the other hand, had her mouth hanging open in shock. "Maya? What are you doing here?" she finally managed to ask.

"I was hoping to catch Carina, sorry. Andrew gave me this address," Maya replied, glancing down at her phone to double-check that this was indeed Carina's place.

"You're in the right place," Gabriella said dryly, seeming to have gotten over her initial shock. "I moved in without warning her when I realized she was coming to class with little to no sleep, looking like she hadn't eaten in days," she retorted.

Maya didn't know what she had expected, but it certainly wasn't Carina's best friend giving her a piece of her mind when Maya still had one foot out in the hallway.

"Is she okay?" Maya questioned, biting her lower lip with worry.

"She's better, no thanks to you," Gabriella shot back.

"I deserve that," Maya sighed, acknowledging her mistakes.

"You do," Gabriella agreed, sighing. She then pulled the door open to allow Maya space to step inside. "She saw your calls and heard your voicemail. Probably played it a thousand times before she told me about it."

The words from Gabriella eased some of Maya's nervousness, but the mention that Carina had heard her voicemail and still hadn't called back made her realize that the brunette might need more time and space.

The last thing Maya wanted to do was to push Carina into talking before she was ready.

"Stop overthinking. I can literally hear your brain running a million miles per hour," Gabriella laughed. "Carina was going to call you back last night, but I convinced her to sleep on it and try in the morning. It's actually a good thing because not only would your phone have been turned off, but now you're here so you can explain yourself in person. Also, please tell me you have an explanation that isn't just 'I'm sorry, I'm an idiot'?"

Maya chuckled. "I do have an explanation, although that part is definitely somewhere in there too." Her laughter was interrupted by a creak down the hallway, signaling another presence.

"So yeah, I'm gonna take a long walk to the nearest cafe. Good luck with your apology," Gabriella said, flashing Maya a smile and a thumbs-up before rushing out the door.

“Gabri?” the sleepy voice came from down the hallway followed by a yawn, “Con chi stavi parlando?” 

“Hey,” Maya stood near the entrance, her hands shoved deep into her pockets. "I'm sorry, Gabriella let me in and then left in a hurry," she explained awkwardly. 

"Maya?" Carina stood before her in her pajamas, her hair messy as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Maya couldn't help but feel a mix of relief and longing at the sight of her. "What are you doing here?"

Carina's voice was softer than Maya had expected, but her question was direct and to the point. Maya took a moment to gather her thoughts before responding. "I came here to apologize. I should have done it sooner, and I know it feels like it's all I've been doing since we started this," she gestured between the two of them. "But I am honestly so sorry. I don't want to give any excuses; I just want to explain," she said, raising her hand in a gesture of surrender.

Carina nodded and pointed to her kitchen, making her way over there to start on her morning coffee. "Did you want some?" she asked, looking back in Maya's direction.

Maya was still taken aback by how calm Carina seemed about it all, causing her to stand there momentarily in surprise. Eventually, she collected herself and nodded, finding her voice. "Yes, please," she replied softly, still grappling with the thoughts swarming her head. 

Maya watched as Carina effortlessly moved around the kitchen, preparing coffee for both of them. “Did you have anything to eat?” Carina’s concern were evident as she raised her brow and questioned Maya. 

Maya hesitated for a moment before shaking her head. “I’m okay, thank you.” 

Carina's frown deepened. "That's not what I asked," she insisted. "When was the last time you ate?"

Maya coughed out her answer, "Yesterday, a few hours before I left for the airport."

Carina nodded resolutely. "Okay, I'm making you breakfast," she declared, already starting to work on a second plate.

"Carina, it's fine, you don't need to-" Maya began to protest.

"I said I'm making you breakfast," Carina replied firmly, leaving no room for argument.

Maya smiled gratefully at the gesture. "Thank you."

Carina waved off her words. "You need to eat," she said matter-of-factly. Maya nodded in agreement and took a seat at the table, while Carina went about her daily routine, sneaking occasional glances at Maya, capturing the blonde's gaze every few seconds.

When Carina finished plating the food, she set the plates on the table along with their coffee and took the seat directly in front of Maya.

“So you wanted to apologize?”

Maya cleared her throat and nodded, taking a bite of the French toast that Carina had prepared. She swallowed and mustered the courage to begin. "Yes, um, I'll start at the beginning," Maya said, noticing Carina sitting back a little and folding her arms, signaling for Maya to continue. "Two years ago, the night you called me up to your hotel room, and we fell asleep after talking the whole night. When I left in the morning before you woke up..."

Carina's voice interrupted, sharp and cold. "I remember what happened," she said, and Maya understood that revisiting old wounds was not the easiest thing, but she needed to say it.

"That morning when I woke up, I saw missed calls and messages from my dad asking me where I was. A lot of the messages said it was urgent, and you have to understand, I hadn't talked to my dad in months at that point. He hadn't reached out to me, so I was worried why he suddenly decided to ask about my whereabouts. When I called him back, he was mad that I hadn't answered my phone right away. He was furious that I was a whole world away when our family was going through so much. At first, I didn't understand what he meant. I knew Mason was in the hospital for overdosing, but as far as I was aware, he should've been discharged by then." Maya took a deep breath, trying to hold back her tears.

Carina's hand reached across the table, her fingers interlacing with Maya's, offering a gentle and comforting squeeze.

"In all honesty, we should've expected it. Mason was 18. He wasn't confined to my dad's control in the same way anymore, especially within the walls of a hospital. So he got himself discharged and ran away, without telling anyone where he was going. That's why I went back to Seattle. As soon as the words left my dad's mouth, I couldn't think about anything else except Mason. He's my little brother, Carina. I was supposed to protect him, and instead, I'm the reason he ran away from home. I'm sorry I was too caught up in my own head to consider the consequences of my actions. I regret it, I really do. But if I could do it all again, my priority at that moment would still have been finding Mason."

Carina's eyes filled with empathy as she listened to Maya's words. She gently wiped away a tear from Maya's cheek before asking the question that weighed heavily on her heart. "Did you find him?" Carina asked, her voice filled with concern.

Maya's sniffles interrupted her response. "No, we don't even know if he's in Seattle anymore, or if he's even-" Maya's voice trailed off, the worry and uncertainty evident in her words.

Carina instinctively comforted Maya, pulling her closer and hushing her gently. "Hey, hey, hey, shhh, bambina ," Carina soothed. "Thinking and worrying about that possibility won't get you anywhere.” Carina’s words did little to stop Maya’s racing mind it had still eased some of the weight off Maya’s chest. 

"It was Mason's birthday," Maya revealed, causing Carina to pull back slightly and look into her eyes. "three weeks ago, coincidentally on my first day at the academy. It's been almost two years since I last saw him, and I spent the whole day thinking about where he could be, and then-" Maya's voice trailed off once again, the weight of her emotions palpable.

Carina understood the immense pressure that Maya had been under, grappling with her brother's disappearance while also dealing with the challenges and misogyny at the academy. Maya had become skilled at bottling up her emotions, but even the strongest walls could crumble under the weight of it all. Maya had snapped, and she regretted it.

But was the regret enough? 

Maya's voice trembled with fear as she asked, "Are you still mad?" She was afraid that Carina would lose her temper and give up on her.

Carina's expression softened, and she cupped Maya's face in her hands. "I'm not mad, bambina ," she reassured her. "I just need a little time to process everything. But I'm glad you felt comfortable enough with me to tell me about your brother." Carina leaned in and placed a tender kiss on Maya's forehead.

"I'm sorry, Carina, I really am," Maya expressed sincerely. "I'm sorry for acting like your friendship with Gabriella was the reason I distanced myself. Hell, I'm sorry for distancing myself in the first place instead of just telling you all of this from the start."

Carina's gaze softened, and she reached out to caress Maya's cheek. "It's okay. This is a lot for anyone to deal with. Sei così forte, bella, " she reassured Maya. "You're so strong, and I would never expect you to have told me something so big unless you were completely ready and sure."

Maya furrowed her brows, seeking confirmation. "So, we're okay?"

"We're going to be," Carina nodded. "I just need to know that you won't run in the opposite direction when things get too hard”

"I won't, I promise," Maya vowed earnestly. “I’ll do anything to get back your trust.”

Carina smiled, her eyes filled with warmth. "I trust that you will," she replied. Closing the distance between them, Carina leaned in and connected their lips in a soft and slow kiss. Maya sighed in relief, feeling another weight lift off her shoulders. " Andrà tutto bene, bambina, " Carina whispered against Maya's lips. "It means 'Everything will be alright.'"

Maya smiled, taking comfort in those words. 

Andrà tutto bene.

It sounded so much better than ‘eyes forward’.

“Andrà tutto bene Carina,” Maya repeated the phrase, letting the words roll off her tongue. Carina laughed and kissed her again, leaving gentle pecks on her cheeks.

“Including your pronunciation,” Carina teased, causing Maya to gasp in mock offense. "I'm kidding, bambina. You didn't sound half bad." Maya crossed her arms, feigning a pout.

Carina's smile widened as she took Maya's hands, wrapping them around her waist. Leaning in, she gently wiped away Maya's pout.

In that moment, Maya realized that everything truly would be alright as long as she had Carina by her side.

Chapter Text

Now, Seattle 2023

“And when I was shipwrecked, I thought of you. In the cracks of light, I dreamed of you. It was real enough, to get me through. But I swear, you were there.”

Maya's senses were adrift in a surreal reverie as if she had slipped into a dream-like state. Weightlessness spread through her body, a sensation akin to being carried by the gentle waves of the ocean, pulling her away from the shore.

Where was she?

The question struck her with the force of a sudden blow, jolting her back to reality as she landed on her back in the soft sand.

Wait, why was there sand around her?

The sea's salty scent still lingered, and fragmented memories flooded back like a torrent. She remembered her heartfelt conversation with Lucia, but the encounter had ended abruptly, leaving Maya stranded on the shore, feeling lost and purposeless.

Why was she still lingering here?

Lucia's voice echoed in her mind, urging her to let go and return to the tangible world, to let her consciousness reunite with her physical body. Yet, Maya found herself trapped, unable to break free from this ethereal limbo.

She found herself suspended between the realms of the living and the dead, unsure of how to proceed in either direction. She resisted the idea of moving on, held back by her own stubbornness. There was a name connected to that stubbornness, a name that hovered on the edge of her consciousness, tantalizingly close yet just out of reach.

What was it?

Struggling to recall it, the memories that surfaced were vague and hazy—an image of brown eyes like honey, framed by wavy locks, and a distinctive freckle beneath a familiar bottom lip. She attempted to focus, to dig deeper into her thoughts, but the name remained elusive.

She shut her eyes closed, concentrate Maya. But nothing came up. 

Frustration gnawed at her as she grappled with the fading memories.

What were those memories about?

Maya felt weightlessness again, as if the sea beckoned her, pulling her towards it. A sound accompanied the waves, a sound that resonated deep within her, triggering a sense of belonging.

A sound she loved?

It was a voice, akin to the sweetness of summer, its cadence etched into her very soul. The words carried a sense of familiarity, even if her conscious mind couldn't grasp them entirely.

Determined to find the source of the voice, Maya opened her eyes, drawing closer to the sound, following it as it led her forward.

Just come back home

Home? 

The word sounded like a foreign concept to her ears, as if she’d forgotten what it truly meant. 

Maya felt a strange disconnect, she tried to summon memories of home, of a place where she belonged, but the images were blurry, like faded photographs in an old album. There was an underlying feeling of comfort and safety associated with the idea of her home, yet the details remained frustratingly obscured.

In confusion, she glanced down at her hands, slowly turning them over and over, but something was amiss. Her fingers started to lose their form, gradually fading away like a wisp of smoke. She could do nothing but stand there and watch. The voice in her throat was long lost to the wind. 

She felt like a blank canvas, devoid of memories, almost like a rebirth, or death. Despite this realization, she resisted succumbing to the latter, determined not to let go just yet.

Helplessly, Maya watched as her arms vanished, dissolving into the ground like grains of sand, becoming one with the very beach she stood on.

The voice echoed again. 

Andrà tutto bene bambina.

The cadence of the voice and the familiarity of those words struck a chord within her. They were words she had heard before, words of comfort in a language she recognized but couldn't fully grasp.

Like a lifeline, the voice repeated the words like a soothing mantra, coaxing her out of her confusion. Memories that had eluded her began to surface, like droplets of water filling the arid recesses of her mind. For a fleeting moment, Maya saw glimpses of her past with startling clarity.

But just as the memories came rushing back, they vanished once again, leaving her feeling disoriented and lost. It was as if reality was playing a cruel game, teasing her with brief flashes of recollection only to snatch them away in the blink of an eye.

I’m here now. 

She blinked in confusion, something had changed. She strained to identify the voice, but the familiarity she once felt seemed distant, as if it was obscured by a heavy fog. 

Maya's senses were adrift in a surreal reverie as if she had slipped into a dream-like state. Weightlessness spread through her body, a sensation akin to being carried by the gentle waves of the ocean, pulling her away from the shore.

Where was she?

***

Carina's eyes slowly opened to a room engulfed in darkness, save for a thin strip of light beneath the door. As she stirred, she became aware of her stiff neck and the uncomfortable position she had fallen asleep in beside Maya's bed, her head resting on the edge of the mattress and her body on the chair beside it.

Stretching her limbs, Carina sat up straight and fumbled around the darkness, seeking a source of light. Her fingers found the lamp's switch, and when she turned it on, a soft yellow glow filled the room, illuminating Maya's face.

The sight was unchanged.

Maya's eyes remained shut, her skin still cool to the touch, and the machine beside her bed continued its monotonous beeping.

Thump thump. 

Carina's heart ached as she observed Maya's skin, which seemed to be taking on a yellowish hue—a telling sign of her failing liver. Carina knew this was a progression they had expected, the dialysis offering only a temporary solution. 

What Maya truly needed was to be placed on a transplant list.

All these facts were etched in Carina's mind, discussed with Dr. Bailey, and replayed repeatedly to herself. Each beat of her heart seemed to echo the rhythmic thump thump of the machines.

Thump thump. 

Maya’s heart that was still beating, she reminded herself, the murmur still present. 

Yet, Maya wasn't considered a top priority on the transplant list. Her condition hadn't yet reached the point of being life-threatening, and the temporary measures were still keeping her stable.

So why did Carina feel like all hope had been stripped away from her?

Thump thump. 

Carina was well aware of the harsh reality for patients waiting for transplant organs. Some endured years of waiting, their conditions deteriorating until they reached the brink of desperation, hoping to become the most critical case, the one who needed the organ more than anyone else.

The thought of watching Maya slowly decline was almost unbearable for Carina. She couldn't fathom witnessing her heart decay day by day. But what other choice did she have? This was the path they were on, and Carina might not have made any vows but she had made an unspoken promise to stand by Maya through it all. In her heart, she knew that Maya was her everything—her reason to breathe, to keep her heart beating, to stay alive. 

Thump thump. 

The rhythmic beating of Maya's heart morphed into the sound of a persistent knocking on the door. Carina snapped out of her reverie, realizing she had been lost in thought for too long. She cleared her throat and called out, "Come in."

The door opened, bringing in more light, and along with it was her brother standing at the threshold, “You need to eat something, Carina,” he said. 

Carina shook her head, her gaze returning to Maya. "I'm fine, Andrea, but thank you," she whispered.

"I wasn't asking, Carina," he insisted firmly. "You've been trapped in this room for a full day now. You need some fresh air. Go downstairs, grab a cup of coffee, clear your head, and then you can come back. I'll sit with her until then." he was standing beside her now, his hand gently reaching for her shoulder, but she flinched, causing him to retract it quickly.

A day? 

Carina's mind raced, trying to grasp how much time had passed. Her brother was known to exaggerate, but something about this instance made her believe him. The sun had indeed set and risen again. The exhaustion from her flight and the emotional conversation with Dr. Bailey had weighed heavily on her.

She looked back at Maya then at her brother again, "Okay, I'll go outside for a little while," she conceded. "But if she wakes up, please call me immediately."

Andrew nodded, grateful his sister had given in without much of a fight. "I promise, I'll call you right away if anything changes," he assured her.

With a heavy heart, Carina stepped away from Maya's bedside, giving her one last glance before leaving the room. She felt guilty for leaving the blonde’s side, her heart racing thinking about the mere possibility of Maya waking up without her presence, or worse. 

But she knew she had to be strong—for Maya and for herself.

How had everything gone so wrong so fast?

She had just been contemplating taking her new study with her to Seattle to be closer to Maya and her brother. However, the circumstances were far from what she had envisioned. Maya lay frail, unconscious, fighting for her life, and Carina found herself engulfed in a reality she had never anticipated.

This wasn't how she had planned to see Maya again. 

But Maya would wake up soon, that she would get the transplant she needed, and that she would recover. Then, Carina and she would live out the rest of their dreams and she’d finally put the box that sat in her suitcase tucked away at the bottom of her clothes, to use. 

Carina stood in line at the coffee cart, feeling the weight of exhaustion and worry settling in her bones. Her mind silently urged the line to move faster so she could return to Maya's side.

"Hi," a shy voice spoke from behind her, causing Carina to turn her head to see who it was. The woman seemed familiar, but Carina couldn't immediately place her. "You're Dr. DeLuca?" the woman asked, and Carina nodded in confirmation. "I'm Andy Herrera. I'm Maya's um-" 

She paused seeming unsure how to continue but the name was all Carina needed for the puzzle pieces to connect in her mind, “Right, Maya’s best friend,” she nodded and Andy seemed shocked at that. 

"Uhm, I'm also her Lieutenant," Andy added, and Carina was aware of this fact, but she knew that her presence here might be a surprise to Maya's team.

Carina understood why Maya hadn't confided in anyone about their relationship. Unlike Carina, who had her brother and Gabriella, Maya often felt isolated and alone in her world, hesitant to share her personal life with others, especially considering the judgment she had faced from the station.

With a warm smile, Carina extended her hand to greet Andy. "Hi, yes, you can call me Carina. It's a pleasure to meet you, Andy. Maya talks about you a lot. I know how important you are to her."

However, instead of receiving a warm response, Andy's expression darkened. "That's interesting since she's never mentioned you," she said defensively, crossing her arms.

Carina sighed, understanding Andy's frustration. "I know this must feel like it came out of nowhere, and you might be questioning your friendship with Maya right now. But please understand that Maya doesn't open up easily. It took me years to break down the walls she had around her heart to protect it. Try not to blame her for it. Right now, she'll need people in her corner, especially given the circumstances."

Andy seemed to soften at Carina's words, nodding in acknowledgment. Carina offered her a gentle smile, even though it wasn't immediately returned. "You don't have to like me. I understand that I might seem like an outsider and even an enemy in your eyes, keeping you away from her. But I'm not. If you have any questions about her condition, feel free to ask, and I'll do my best to explain it to you."

"And what about you?" Andy questioned.

Carina paused for a moment, considering her response. "About me? Yes, ask away. About me and Maya? I think that's more Maya's story to tell than mine," she replied, recognizing the importance of respecting Maya's privacy and allowing her the agency to share their relationship on her own terms.

As they reached the front of the line, they collected their orders and began walking back toward Maya's room. Andy seemed apologetic, explaining, "I'm sorry if I came off too harsh. It's just that-"

Carina interrupted her gently, “You're just being a good friend to Maya, and I appreciate that. It's one of the many reasons I'm glad she has you in her life." 

Curiosity tinged with nervousness colored Andy's next question. "So how's she doing? I remember Dr. Bailey and the other Dr. DeLuca saying she needed a transplant."

“Ah yes my brother, It’s not often I hear someone refer to him as ‘the other Dr. DeLuca’,” she smiled, "Yes, Maya will eventually need a transplant, but for now, they have her on liver dialysis, and it seems to be working."

Andy nodded, her concern still evident. "Do you know if she'll be awake anytime soon?"

"Dr. Bailey mentioned that Maya has been unconscious since before they put her under anesthesia. There's a possibility she has a slight concussion that needs to be checked when she wakes up. But apart from that, they've reduced the anesthesia, and there's nothing preventing her from waking up," Carina explained.

Andy frowned, seeking reassurance. "So, it's not anything medical?"

Carina shook her head gently. "No, as far as anyone can tell, it's not medical," she explained. "The neurosurgeon on her case believes it's more psychological than anything else. We won't know when she's going to wake up until she does."

“I’m sorry, is this too much?” Andy apologized, “You don’t have to talk me through everything if it is,”

Carina smiled softly, grateful for Andy's concern. "No, it's fine. Going through all of it again in my head helps. Having all the facts means I won't be blindsided by anything, right?" 

Andy nodded in understanding, recognizing the need for clarity in such difficult situations. Before they could continue their conversation, Carina's phone chimed, signaling a message. Her heart raced as she read the text:

‘She’s waking up'

Carina's phone chimed with the text, and simultaneously, her brother's call started ringing. Ignoring the call, Carina exchanged a single look with Andy before hurrying towards Maya's room. She was grateful that they were already on the right floor, saving precious moments.

Entering the room with determination, Carina brushed past everyone, her focus solely on reaching Maya's side. The blonde was groggily blinking, and Carina could hear her murmuring something faintly. Andy and her brother stood on the other side of the bed, sharing the tense anticipation.

"I've already paged Dr. Shepherd. She should be here soon," her brother informed Carina, who nodded in acknowledgment.

Maya’s hands squeezed hers in them before she cleared her throat and spoke up once again, her attempt to speak was choked, but her message was clear,

“Acqua, ho bisogno di acqua,” she managed, Carina immediately reached for the glass of water on the bedside table, bringing it to Maya's lips for her to take hurried sips. 

“Okay bambina, slower sips,” Carina encouraged gently, but it seemed like Maya didn't hear her.

Calling her name, Carina tried to get Maya's attention. "Maya?" she said, making eye contact with the blonde as she placed the glass back on the table. "Can you hear me?" Carina asked, concerned that Maya might have sustained some hearing damage.

Maya scrunched her face up in confusion and looked around the room. “Dove sono?” [Where am I?]

Carina frowned, this was the second time Maya had ignored her question in English and had spoken in Italian instead. Maya had become fairly fluent in Italian over the years, but Carina had never heard her use it as her primary language of communication.

“Maya , bambina, sai chi sono?” [You know who I am?] Carina asked, worry evident in her voice. The possibility of Maya not remembering her was terrifying.

Maya blinked a few times, and then her face lit up as recognition dawned on her. “Carina, ciao amore mio, che ci fai qui?” [Carina, hi my love, what are you doing here?] she said in Italian, squeezing Carina's hand as if to confirm her presence.

“Maya, sai che stai parlando italiano?” [Maya, do you know that you are speaking Italian?]

The blonde furrowed her brow. “Cosa?” she replied, seemingly unaware of the language she was using.

Before Carina could repeat her question, a woman rushed into the hospital room, the others making space for the doctor to approach Maya's bedside.

“Hi, sorry, I’m Dr. Shepherd,” she said to Carina before turning to Maya. "Firefighter Barbie, how are we feeling?"

Maya looked at Carina again, “Cosa sta dicendo?” [What is she saying?] she asked in confusion.

That confirmed it for Carina and she turned to the neurosurgeon, explaining, "She's been speaking in Italian since she woke up, and every time I speak to her in English, she just looks confused."

Dr. Shepherd looked intrigued but concerned. "Well, that's unusual," she remarked, "Did she speak any Italian before this?"

Carina responded, "She's been learning for a while now, and she's fairly fluent, but she's never spoken to me solely in Italian."

The doctor nodded and pulled out a pen light from her pocket. "We'll need to run some tests to determine if there's a neurological explanation behind it. In the meantime, let's focus on Maya's overall condition."

Carina translated the information to Maya, who nodded in approval. Dr. Shepherd proceeded to test Maya's memory, asking her to remember three words: village, chair, and river. Carina translated the request for Maya, who acknowledged it with a nod before Amelia began her assessment, checking the blonde’s pupils and head. 

Dr, Shepherd was only halfway done through her assessment when Maya's attention seemed to shift back to Carina, and she gasped as if remembering something. “Carina, ciao amore mio, che ci fai qui?” [Carina, hi my love, what are you doing here?]

Confused, Carina turned back to Amelia, who was looking at her skeptically. "What happened?" the doctor asked.

"She asked me what I'm doing here. For the second time," Carina explained, worry creeping into her voice. “Maya , Ricorda le tre parole?” [Do you remember the three words?]

Maya frowned, unsure of what Carina meant.

“Dove sono?” [Where am I?] Maya asked, looking around at her surroundings. Her eyes then landed on Amelia, who still had her penlight held up. “Ciao, Amelia” she greeted the doctor, looking confused.

“Ciao,” Amelia smiled at the blonde before turning to Carina, “I’m going to run a few more tests, but I think we might be dealing with Anterograde amnesia. The good thing is that it’s usually temporary and goes away on its own,” she explained to Carina, who nodded, trying to remain hopeful.

The word usually caught Carina's attention. She knew that it meant there was a possibility it could be permanent. 

“Let’s focus on the positives, her long-term memory from before and during the call seems intact, and she clearly remembers you,” Amelia said, trying to reassure Carina with a smile. "I’m going to write some more tests, I'll be right back," she added before stepping out of the room

Left alone with Maya, Carina and the others fell into silence, processing the situation and its implications. It didn't take long for Maya to speak up again, her voice filled with love and confusion, “Carina, ciao amore mio, che ci fai qui?” [Carina, hi my love, what are you doing here?] 

Carina's heart ached at hearing those words, and she had to hold back the tears that threatened to flow. "Maya," she said, her voice tender. 

“Te ne vai?” [Are you leaving?] Maya looked at her with concern.

“No, amore mio, sono qui e non me ne andrò mai più.” [No, my love, I am here and I will never leave again.]

Maya smiled warmly at Carina, “Ti amo," [I love you] she said, reaching out to caress Carina's cheek.

Carina held onto Maya's hand, leaning into the touch. " Ti amo anche io, bambina, " [I love you too] she whispered. 

Chapter Text

Then, Seattle 2016

“Remember when we couldn’t take the heat? I walked out, I said ‘I’m setting you free’, But the monsters turned out to be just trees, when the sun came up you were looking at me. You were looking at me, oh you were looking at me. I remember, oh I remember” 

The blaring klaxon had jolted Maya from her light slumber, but truth be told, she had been awake long before. Maya sighed as she heard the dispatch request the ladder and the engine, knowing neither of those called for her because she was stuck on desk duty at 3 am in the night. 

The weight of the past few days had been overwhelming, with a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts swirling through her mind. Officially becoming a firefighter, even though she was still considered a probie, combined with the bittersweet feeling about being assigned to Station 19, Andy's dad's station.

Maya wasn’t oblivious; she was well aware that it was her friendship with Andy that had gotten her assigned here, that Captain Herrera had handpicked her because of what she could bring to the team, but more importantly because of what Maya had come to mean to Andy.

It was an odd feeling; in some weird sense, it made Maya feel wanted and not enough at the same time. Don’t get her wrong, she was happy to be at 19, to be a part of the family that Captain Herrera was building, but there was an even bigger part of her that doubted if she deserved her place there.

But doubt was for losers. 

The annoying voice at the back of her mind was one that was all too familiar to Maya. Lane Bishop. No matter the distance Maya seemed to put between the two of them, it was like her father’s words never left her. Ironically, it was his voice that constantly planted seeds of doubt in her mind.

But this was what her father would've called reassurance. He would tell her that there was no space in her life to be weak, that doubt was weakness, and that Maya needed to be stronger, to know she was better than everyone around her. Better because she was free from distractions and had her eyes on the prize, better because she didn't give in to feelings, better because she was heartless, for there was no place for her heart when it came to competing. Her heart would only hold her back.

She’d learned to shut it out, to shut her feelings out, to build up walls so high that she’d forgotten what life had been like without them. Being guarded had become her normal, and trusting people seemed like an alien concept, it seemed like a scam, because Maya had been taught to trample over people to reach her goals, and she had no doubt they would do the same to her.

She was wrong. So so wrong.  

Like most things in her life, there was the Maya before, who accepted her father’s words without a shadow of a question on her lips, who was heartless, ruthless, and cold. And then there was the Maya after—the Maya after the one person who knew her like the back of her hand. The one person who’d torn down every single wall Maya had ever built and crushed it into ruins, leaving nothing but rubble. Carina. 

It had been a while since those three words had sat on the tip of Maya’s tongue, begging to be voiced. She’d almost said them a couple of times, her feelings far too great to remain bottled up; she knew that. It wasn’t the fear of Carina’s rejection that stopped her, she had known that Carina felt the same without the need for those words to ever have been spoken. She could see it in Carina’s eyes, in the way she looked at Maya, the way she spoke to her, in her actions.

Instead, Maya's fear stemmed from the belief that she might be too damaged to give Carina the stability she needed. She felt like taking this step in their relationship would make it harder for Carina the next time Maya unintentionally hurt her, and Maya knew she would. No matter how hard she had promised herself never to hurt Carina again, she couldn’t deny that she was broken and might inadvertently end up doing it anyway. 

Her mind was a mess, and it didn’t help that Carina was flying in this weekend. It was supposed to be a surprise for Andrew who’d been matched with the Grey-Sloan surgical program and was set to start his intern year next week. Carina had felt terrible when she couldn’t make it to his graduation but Maya had made sure that Carina knew Andrew had a sister there cheering him on either way. 

Maya had felt so proud of him on that day that it had surprised her a little. Andrew had come to be like a little brother to her, he was annoying in all the right sense, but he was also one of the only people who’d had her back this past year, so it wasn’t hard to come to recognize him as her family. It also didn’t help that he reminded her so much of Mason and that she missed her own brother to no end, hoping and wishing she could know if he was okay.

Andrew’s existence dulled the pain of that loss, even if it was just by a little. 

The sound of the barn doors opening pulled Maya out of her reverie, the sound of the engine and ladder pulling in making her turn her head towards the intrusion. It was then that Maya noticed it was much brighter outside, she’d seemingly gotten lost in her thoughts for hours and now the time on the clock nearest to her read close to 8 am. 

“Hey are you okay?” before she knew it Andy was standing in front of her, looking at Maya with a concerned frown on her face, “You seem a little lost inside your head there. What happened?”

Her hand was on Maya’s shoulder and the blonde went stiff at the contact, “It’s nothing. I think- I think I’m just tired from the lack of sleep,” she smiled sheepishly. 

Andy frowned like she didn’t believe Maya in the slightest, but nodded anyways gesturing for her to stand up. Once Maya had complied with her request Andy pushed her towards the stairs and said “Go take a nap. I’ll cover for you on desk duty.”

Maya frowned, she couldn’t just abandon her assignment, especially as a probie. If Captain Herrera saw Andy covering for her, they would likely both get into trouble.  Except Andy would get out of it just as fast. 

Maya didn’t have the same privilege. 

“You need to sleep, Maya. Going into an active scene without sleep won’t do you or the team any good. I can see the bags under your eyes from here and they’re starting to terrify me,” Andy insisted. 

Maya gasped in mock offense, “I do not have bags under my eyes, but fine. I’ll go take a nap for the sake of the team or whatever.”

Andy waved her off, a satisfied smile on her face as she watched Maya walk away. Maya grumbled to herself and walked up the stairs toward her bunk.

***

It was her first time seeing the building in person. The big "19" logo on its side lit up in red, while the red barn doors at the front of the building remained shut, preventing Carina from seeing inside.

She’d taken an earlier flight with the intention to surprise Maya, which in hindsight still seemed like a great idea to Carina, especially when she imagined the look on Maya’s face upon seeing her. It was showing up at the station that Carina was slightly skeptical about. 

Her initial thought had been to go straight to Maya’s apartment and wait for her there, but there was a small hitch - Carina didn't have a key. Her other option had been to go to Andrew's place, but the purpose of her trip was to surprise him as well. According to her brother, Carina was still in Italy.

Okay so in retrospect, it seemed she should have thought through her plan more thoroughly. 

It was also too late to go anywhere else now that Carina stood in front of the doors, pushing them open and stepping inside. The first thing that struck her was the unexpected silence. She had anticipated a firehouse to be bustling with energy and noise.

Maybe they were out on a call. 

As her eyes wandered, they settled on the engines parked within the barn. Then, she noticed a woman seated at a desk, her back turned, engrossed in some files.

Carina cleared her throat, attempting to gain the woman's attention. “Hi?”

The woman's head snapped up, a slightly jumpy and on-edge expression on her face. Carina read the name tag that read 'Herrera.'

Ah, so this must be Andy.

“Oh, hello—hi. I’m sorry. How can I help you?” the woman responded.

Realizing who the woman was, Carina maintained her charming smile. “I was looking for Maya Bishop. She works here—”

“I’m aware,” Andy cut her off, looking at Carina skeptically before giving her a once over. “And who are you to Maya?”

Carina was slightly taken aback but continued with her smile, trying to be disarming. “Just a friend,” she replied, noting Andy's expression. She quickly added, “I just need to ask her something. It won't take long.” she said assuring Andy. 

With the smile still on her face wearing Andy down, the brunette hesitantly nodded and motioned to the stairs, “I’ll call her”

Carina nodded and stood in the hallway, her eyes wandering to take in the surroundings. A glass display case caught her attention, filled with numerous medals and achievements, along with pictures of firefighters she assumed were no longer around.

It still felt surreal to her that this was what Maya chose to do every day. The thought terrified Carina—knowing there was a chance Maya could end up as one of those pictures. Yet, on the other hand, she was incredibly proud to see how far Maya had come and to witness her genuine passion for helping people. It warmed Carina's heart to no end.

“Carina?” Maya's voice echoed from behind, a soft whisper. Carina turned around to see the blonde slowly approaching her, stopping a few feet away. “What are you doing here?” 

“I flew in early to surprise you,” Carina explained, her smile wavering as she studied Maya's face. “Should I… should I not have?” Carina expected Maya to be a little taken aback but the look on her face was more one of fear rather than anything else. 

“Carina, it's not that I'm not happy to see you. Because I am, babe, and this was a lovely surprise,” Maya said, walking closer and taking Carina's hands in her own. She looked around before reluctantly letting go as if fearing someone might spot them. “I'm happy, but this is also my workplace, and I'm trying to build a reputation here.”

What was that supposed to mean?

Carina's arms folded defensively across her chest. “And me being here affects that how?”

“Carina, it's not that,” Maya sighed, a hint of frustration in her voice as she continued to glance around. “I just don't want anyone to form any judgments about me, that's all.”

Carina's frown deepened. “Are you... Will your team treat you differently if they find out you're dating a woman? You’ve never mentioned that to me,” Sure, Carina knew that Maya had never come out to her parents but other than that she’d never seen Maya hide that part of her. 

“No, it’s not that either. I just don’t think the team needs to know personal details about me, that’s all.” Maya explained.

Carina frowned, “Does Andy know, or was you asking me about telling her a lie too?” Carina's voice carried a mix of frustration and disappointment.

Maya looked down at her feet in shame. “I really did consider telling her, Carina, but I just don’t think right now is the right time…”

“So, let me get this straight,” Carina's voice carried a mix of frustration and confusion. She wanted to fully understand the situation and Maya's perspective. “You're happy to see me, yet you're hesitant to acknowledge our relationship here because you're building a reputation at the station. You don't want anyone to form judgments about you based on who you're with, even though you don't think your team would treat you differently because you're dating a woman,” Carina summarized her tone a mixture of incredulity and disappointment. "And you didn't think an of this was important enough to discuss with me before?"

Maya looked visibly uncomfortable, shifting on her feet. “It's not that I didn't think it was important, Carina. I just...” She trailed off, struggling to find the right words.

“Just what? Didn't want to deal with it?” Carina's tone held a hint of hurt beneath the frustration.

Maya sighed, her shoulders slumping. “No, it's not that. I just didn't want to complicate things at work. I'm trying to prove myself, to show that I'm capable, and I didn't want anyone to think that my personal life would interfere with that.”

The words hit Carina like a punch to the gut. They stung, triggering feelings of not being enough for Maya the same way she had failed to be enough for her father. “So all I am is a liability to your career?” Carina's voice held a mixture of hurt and resentment.

Maya's expression shifted, torn between her desire to be honest and her attempt to explain her reasoning. “No, Carina, you're not a liability. It's not about you. It's about... the environment, the expectations. I don't want people to judge me based on my personal life. I need to stand on my own merit.”

Carina's eyes glistened with unshed tears, her frustration evident. “Maya, I'm not just your personal life, or at least I thought I was more than just that. If you can't embrace that openly, then maybe we need to reevaluate what this means to you,” she said, gesturing between the two of them.

Maya’s mouth was open and gaping as if she planned to say something but stopped every time she got close. Carina frowned at her lack of response as Maya continued to look around, seemingly paranoid and still making sure there was no one overhearing them.

Carina had enough. She turned around, walking toward the same door she had entered through.

“Carina…”

Maya nodded, her eyes filled with regret and longing as she watched Carina turn and walk away. She reached inside her pocket to pull out the keys to her apartment, Carina’s eyes following her actions.

“Okay, I’ll see you back at the apartment. I still have three hours left in my shift,” Maya's voice held a trace of sadness.

Carina hesitated for a moment before speaking, her own heart heavy with conflicted emotions. “I think… I think it’s better if I stay with Andrea this weekend.” Her voice was soft, and she glanced back at Maya, her gaze holding a mixture of sorrow and determination. “I'll see you later.” the sadness on Maya's face echoed in Carina’s heart.

Carina guessed Andrea would just have to receive his surprise a bit earlier than she had initially planned.

***

Shit

Maya knew she’d messed up big time, but what was she supposed to say? She truly was so happy to see Carina, and she had missed the brunette more than she had anticipated. The distance between them had been taking a toll on her, aching more with each passing day.

Seeing Carina standing there in front of her had been like a ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds, but in her eagerness to explain herself, Maya had failed to consider how her words might have sounded to Carina.

Yes, she wanted to maintain a certain reputation at the station, one where the team didn’t consider her weak for her feelings. She didn’t want them to think she was distracted when she still had so much to prove. 

In Maya's mind, emotions were often perceived as a vulnerability, a tear in her armor that could be exploited. She had grown up believing that emotions were a weakness, a crack in her facade that could potentially be used against her. And God did Carina have the uncanny ability to make her feel every possible emotion, sometimes all at once.

She wanted to show them that she was her own person and that she could be ruthless when she chose to be. She wanted to be seen as someone who was unyielding when the situation demanded it. 

But now, she’d found herself in a situation where her desire to maintain a certain image clashed with the undeniable reality of her feelings for Carina. The fire station was not the place for emotional confrontation, especially when she was striving to prove herself. Maya knew that openly fighting with Carina in the middle of the station hallways wasn't the image she wanted to uphold. 

She sighed as she went back upstairs, looking around to see if anyone would've been within hearing distance. She found Andy preparing lunch in the beanery, seemingly unaware of what had happened, and Maya felt a wave of relief wash over her. She decided to help Andy by silently cutting up some of the vegetables she'd left out.

“So,” Andy broke the silence, her curiosity evident, “Who was that?”

Maya paused for a moment, contemplating whether this was the right time to confide in her friend. However, she quickly decided against it, opting for a more casual response. She shrugged indifferently, her expression nonchalant. “No one important,” she stated, passing ingredients over to Andy as she spoke. “Just some woman I met at Joe’s the day before yesterday, you know, ‘self-care.’”

Andy's frown deepened, confusion evident on her face. "What?"

Maya sighed inwardly, realizing her attempt at misdirection had backfired a bit. She decided to be more direct, hoping that Andy would buy her explanation. "Sex, Andy. I meant sex," she clarified, adding a wry smile. "Every once in a while, I like to treat myself to a little self-care in the form of a one-night stand. It used to be random days, but ever since we started here, it's become a Wednesday tradition, given that Thursdays are our day off."

Andy stared at Maya for a moment, her expression a mix of surprise and amusement. "Well, that's one way to relieve stress, I guess. But every Wednesday?” The shock of Maya's statement seemed to affect Andy enough that Maya knew she’d forgotten about the list of questions she had in her mind.

“Is that judgment? You know, maybe some weekly self-care would help you too, Andy. Maybe it would finally get your mind off that cop.”

“Ryan,” Andy corrected her with a laugh.

“The fact that you still remember his name is just one more sign that you need to come out with me to Joe’s the next time we have a day off.”

Andy frowned but seemed to consider it. “Deal.” She nodded, smiling. “You’re right, maybe I need to try this self-care Wednesday thing.”

Andy went back to focusing on the food, and Maya silently patted herself on the back for coming up with something believable. There might be flaws in her plan, but as long as Andy was off her back for the time being, Maya could finally concentrate on how to mend things with Carina and get back into her good graces.

Chapter Text

Now, Seattle 2023

“Cause there we are again, in the middle of the night, we’re dancin’ ‘round the kitchen in the refrigerator light. Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well. And there we are again when nobody had to know. You kept me like a secret, and I kept you like an oath. Scared prayer and we’d swear to remember it all too well…”

“So essentially there’s no timeline as to when her memory will go back to normal?” 

The question came from Andy as both of them stood by Maya's bedside while the blonde slept peacefully. The repeated questions had worn Carina down, each answer feeling like another weight on her already heavy heart.

Yet Carina wouldn't leave, not again, not after the memory of the last time she had left someone in a hospital bed, only to return to find a pool of blood where someone she loved had once been. 

"No," Carina shook her head, her voice weary. "It's just as possible that her memory will return to normal the next time she wakes up as it is possible that it may never fully recover." She reached up to her face, using the back of her hand to wipe away the fresh tears and the remnants of the previous ones.

“I’m sorry, I can’t imagine how hard this is for you,” Andy said, placing a comforting hand on Carina's shoulder. Her words were sincere, but they also highlighted how little Andy had really known about Maya's life, especially when it came to her relationship with Carina.

Despite her initial pushback and hurt, Carina was surprised by how quickly Andy had come to terms with their relationship. She had expected more resistance and anger, but Andy seemed to have accepted things rather swiftly. Maybe Maya had been right about Andy trying to change, to make amends. Carina hoped for that, but she sensed something of an underlying tension in Andy as if she was hiding something. Carina just needed to find out what it was. 

Her gaze shifted over to the blonde sleeping peacefully on the bed, her chest rising and falling with each breath she took, her nose scrunching lightly due to soft snores. It would’ve been hard to tell that Maya had been impaled two days ago if it wasn’t for the web of wires connected to the blonde and the large bandage across her abdomen, hidden by her hospital gown. 

Carina turned her attention back towards Andy, “What happened out there? Dr. Bailey told me she got impaled by a piece of metal but even she wasn’t aware of the specifics of how it had happened. I assume you were there with her?"

Andy nodded, her expression slightly conflicted, as if she was grappling with how much she could share with Carina. "It was a routine call, or so we thought. We've dealt with many residential fires before, and the protocol is usually the same – search and rescue followed by an interior attack to put out the fire. This one seemed simpler because the residents had already evacuated and so all that was left was to put the fire out. So, Maya had ordered a group of us to head inside to do just that, when we found out that the doors had been locked due to this security system..” 

Andy continued to explain the events of the call, from the fighting couple all the way to how the panel had been fried and they’d been trapped inside; their bodies burning in a hox box with seemingly no way out.

"That's when Maya came up with the idea to use the water heater as an explosive. It was a clever plan, it saved our lives and got us out of that garage. But we didn't account for the release valve, and by the time we realized it, it was too late. It could have struck any one of us—"

Carina finished her sentence, her heart sinking as she pieced it together, "And Maya was the unlucky one it hit?"

She expected Andy to nod, to comfort Carina and tell her this was nothing but an accident, that there was an equally well chance that Maya could’ve been spared in all of this but Andy shook her head, “No, Maya knew it could hit any of us and she knew that she was the only person fast enough to get to it in time. So she ran towards it but there wasn't enough time. The heater exploded before Maya could even get to the valve.”

So it had been nothing but heroics, nothing but Maya’s need to be the martyr, nothing but her need to prove herself to these people again and again. She looked towards Maya again; it could’ve been anyone, but it wasn’t, Maya had made sure of that. It could’ve been anyone, but it was her Maya. 

“Maybe if I hadn’t spent so much of our time trying to stop her or maybe if I had done a better job at stopping her she wouldn’t be here” Andy sighed running her own hands over her head. 

“And then it would’ve still hit any one of you,” Carina argued back. It was true that she was mad at Maya for putting herself in danger but loving Maya meant accepting the entirety of who she was, and the Maya that Carina loved would always sacrifice herself and put others first. “No matter how hard you tried Andy, Maya would’ve still done it, you and I both know this. Maybe better than anyone else.”

Andy sighed once again, “Then maybe I shouldn’t have tried to stop her in the first place”

And all Carina could think was maybe. 

***

Five hours had passed since Maya regained consciousness and drifted back to sleep. Dr. Shepherd had been giving Maya space to rest before she administered more tests to assess the blonde’s condition. Dr. Bailey on the other hand had come in twice with the excuse to check Maya’s vitals but Carina could see through it. She appreciated the woman looking out for her even though she knew it was due to what Maya meant to the doctor’s husband. 

It was nearing nightime when the door to the room suddenly swung open, revealing the man Carina had been dreading facing since she’d landed in Seattle – Jack Gibson.

The dread stemmed from Carina knowing she wouldn’t be able to hold her anger back when she saw him. And she was right . 

The man was anything but subtle as he slammed the door shut behind him with enough force to send a sharp echo down the hallway. The aggressiveness of the action had made both Carina and Andy flinch hoping it hadn’t woken Maya up. When Maya didn’t move in her sleep they looked back at Jack noticing he had his mouth open, ready to speak. However, before he could possibly demand an explanation, Andy intercepted him, placing a finger to her lips and pointing towards Maya, who was peacefully asleep.

“Bailey said she was awake?” he whispered to Andy, his tone still carrying a distinct edge.

“She was for a while, but she’s still recovering and needs her rest,” Carina responded in anger, slowly rising from the chair next to Maya's bed and finally catching the man’s attention as she walked toward the door where Jack and Andy stood.

He scrutinized Carina for a moment, his gaze lingering before shifting back to Andy. His brows furrowed as he spoke, his tone laced with suspicion, “Who is she? And what is she doing here?”

That’s it.

Carina's determination flared. She wasn't about to be dismissed or belittled. She took a step closer to him, unyielding. “Don’t ask her. I can answer for myself,” she stated firmly, her voice steady. Walking past Andy, Carina addressed Jack directly, her gaze unwavering, “I’m the woman whose brother you punched in the face yesterday.”

Tension crackled as her words hung in the air, and Carina could see recognition flash briefly in Jack’s eyes. 

“And maybe I should be the one asking you what you’re doing here,” she continued her tone firm. The man had gotten on her nerves and Carina’s temper without sleep and caffeine wasn’t a pretty sight. 

“What? Maya is my friend, I have every right to be here. Maya would want me to be here,” he added defensively.

“Not after she finds out what you did” she shot back.

“Yeah? And how would she remember that once you’ve told her?” Jack smirked, “Dr. Bailey also told me about her fried memory and how she can’t remember anything for more than five minutes at a time.”

Carina’s anger flared at Jack’s words, her frustration with him pouring out. “Vaffanculo! Pezzo di merda. Stronzo, chi ti credi di essere?” 

Carina would’ve said more, she was ready to but Andrea had been right. On some level, Jack was important to Maya as much as that fact pained her. Taking a deep breath, she regained her composure, meeting Jack's gaze with determination. "I don’t want you in here," she said calmly, her voice carrying an edge, "Leave and don’t come back. Otherwise, I’ll have Maya’s doctors inform security."

Jack took a step back, his confidence faltering at Carina's switch in attitude and her fierce response. He let out a nervous chuckle, "Listen, I don’t know who you think you are, but we are Maya’s family," he said, gesturing between himself and Andy.

Carina held her ground, unwavering. "I'm Maya's power of attorney, Jack. It's Dr. Carina DeLuca to you. And I have every right to take actions that prioritize Maya's health. Right now, that means you leaving this room."

Andy attempted to intervene, but Carina silenced her with a look, her determination unwavering. Protecting Maya's well-being was her priority, and she was prepared to stand her ground.

Before Jack could respond further, the room was filled with a soft groan. Maya stirred on the bed, her eyelids fluttering as she gradually regained consciousness. Carina's attention immediately shifted from Jack to the blonde on the bed.

As Maya's eyes blinked open, she seemed momentarily disoriented, her gaze darting around the room before settling on Carina. Her lips parted as if she was about to say something, but then her brows furrowed in confusion, and she looked back and forth between Carina and Jack. Her memory issue was evident as her eyes held more than just a single question.

Carina saw it coming before Maya could form the words and she stepped closer to the bed, placing a gentle hand on Maya's forehead. “Ciao bella, va tutto bene,” [It’s okay] she said softly, her voice calm and reassuring. “Sei in ospedale. Hai avuto un incidente, ma ora sei al sicuro. Ora sono qui.” [You are in the hospital. You had an accident, but you're safe now. I'm here now.]

"Carina?" Maya's voice was uncertain once again which confirmed Carina’s fears about the blonde’s memory remaining unchanged. 

Carina smiled softly, her heart still swelling at the sound of Maya's voice saying her name as it always had. "Si, bella".

The sound of Maya yawning slowly filled the space between them, making Carina realize that the disturbance had, in fact, woken Maya up prematurely.

As Maya's eyes drooped, fatigue winning over her confusion, Carina leaned in closer, her lips brushing against Maya's forehead in a tender kiss. "Riposa, amore mio. Sarò qui quando ti sveglierai". [Rest, my love. I'll be right here when you wake up]

“Lo prometti?” [You promise?] Maya's grip on Carina's hand remained steady, and her breathing gradually evened out. 

“Te lo prometto, tesoro. Te lo prometto”  Carina reassured in a soft voice. 

As she turned slightly, Carina noticed Andy standing there with a gentle smile, her support palpable. But on the other hand, Jack's face displayed a mixture of confusion and irritation.

"What was that?" Jack's voice held a demanding edge, his confusion turning into annoyance.

Carina's patience was wearing thin, and her protective instincts were in full force. She fixed her gaze on Jack, her tone unwavering. "Jack, I'll make this absolutely clear. Leave this room now, or I won't hesitate to get hospital security involved."

Andy finally decided to step forward, a hand on Jack's arm. "Jack, hey? Let's give them some space, okay? Maya needs to rest."

Jack hesitated, clearly torn between his emotions, but eventually, he relented and reluctantly walked out of the room, shooting one last glare at Carina before disappearing through the door.

***

The next time Maya had woken up it was to a stinging feeling around her lower stomach, it went from pins and needles to a sudden sharp pain in her lower abdomen in a matter of seconds and all she could do was scream her lungs out. Tears pooled in her eyes while she tried to reach down to hold the area but the movement just made things worse. The pain was now sharper and Maya’s screams raging louder. 

Before she knew it there were a pair of hands on her shoulder pushing her down onto the bed, a different set of hands holding her own down. There seemed to be a million voices all around her but only one stood out amongst the sea of noise. The voice that had been whispering sweet nothings into her ear, shushing her and calming her. It was the only voice she recognized, the only words that registered in her brain. The feeling of the palms clasped with hers started to feel familiar as Maya came down from the searing pain. 

Her eyes opened slowly and the first thing she saw was the mane of brown hair on top of the most beautiful face Maya had ever seen. She was half sure it was the drugs the nurse had put into her IV but the blonde felt herself involuntarily smiling, her teeth on full display and her eyes lidded. 

It had to have been the drugs because the woman looked awfully lot like her girlfriend who as far as Maya knew was still in Italy. 

Shit. 

If Carina was really here and Maya was in the hospital then she’d really messed up. She closed her eyes hoping that when she opened them again she would stop hallucinating the brunette, but to no avail, Carina was still standing above her carrying all her love for Maya in her concerned brown eyes. 

“Bambina…Come si sente?” [How do you feel] she said whispering the words into Maya’s ear, while gently pushing her hair back. The touch was so comforting and soothing that Maya had to fight the urge to close her eyes and drift right back to sleep. 

Maya's response came as a mixture of a smile and a murmur, "Sei bellissima" [You're beautiful].

Carina let out a laugh, “ Non è quello che avevo chiesto, ma grazie bella” [Not what I asked, but thank you] 

Maya's smile widened, her brow furrowing slightly. "Is this a new thing now? I'll have to warn you, Carina. My Italian has been getting better, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold a conversation—"

“Wait, you’re speaking English…” Carina's voice held a mixture of surprise and concern as she held Maya's head in her hands, gently tilting it from side to side. "Can you please page Dr. Shepherd?" she requested from the nurse who was still nearby.

Maya's confusion deepened, her brows knitting together. "What? Why wouldn't I be speaking English, Carina? What happened?"

Carina sighed softly, standing up and holding something in front of Maya's face. “I see your memory is still the same," she said, a mixture of resignation and concern in her voice. "You and your team responded to a call about a residential fire and ended up trapped in a garage somehow. Long story short, your heroics got you impaled, and now you need a liver transplant. Oh, and you also have anterograde amnesia and were speaking only Italian for a while," Carina explained rapidly, knowing time was short before Maya's memory reset.

"Whoa, okay, hold on," Maya's voice was soothing, and she took charge, guiding Carina through the impending panic attack that had probably been building up. "Just like that, in and out," she instructed her words like a lifeline.

As Carina's breathing steadied under Maya's guidance, the blonde's hand reached out to tenderly cup Carina's cheek, letting out a hiss of pain as she did so, “And what’s this,” Maya inquired, gesturing to the pieces of paper Carina had been holding.

Carina chuckled sheepishly, "Flashcards. They're in Italian because, well, you know."

Maya grinned, a mischievous glint in her eyes, "Again, love, my Italian is getting better, but I don't know if I'd comprehend much with these." Maya laughed, "It's sweet that you made flashcards, though. Maybe being with me all these years has taught you something."

Carina beamed proudly, "They're color-coded too."

Maya's smile matched Carina's, genuine and fond. "I see that. You did a great job, amore ."

"But ugh," Carina's expression turned into a mock pout, "Now I'll have to remake all of them. Why couldn't you have stayed speaking fluent Italian?"

Maya rolled her eyes playfully, "Hey, I'm learning!"

“Not fast enough, bambina,” Carina playfully teased, but the smile quickly faded from Maya's lips, gone faster than Carina would’ve liked. 

"I will forget this soon, won't I?" 

Carina's heart ached at the thought, “Probably, but I will be right here to say it all again, bella ,” Carina smiled down at her, running her fingers through Maya’s hair, separating the individual blonde strands. 

Maya's expression grew pensive, and she confessed softly, "But it'll be different each time. I don't want to forget this moment with you, Carina. I don't want to ever forget any moment with you, no matter how small."

Tears pooled in Carina’s eyes at Maya’s confession, the blonde’s face mirroring the same sorrow Carina feels inside her. She leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to Maya's forehead. "We've been through a lot together, Maya. We'll get through this too. All these memories will be right here in my mind," Carina said, tapping her temple. "I'll keep them safe, retelling them to you until your mind is strong enough to hold them all forever, the way I know I will."

“I love you,” the words were simple and yet it was all Maya could say at the moment, all she found herself saying before any other words she had on the tip of her tongue disappeared from her mind and instead she found herself asking, “Carina? What are you doing here? What happened? Why are you crying?”

And Carina could only nod, tears slipping down her cheeks, as the clock beside Maya's bed mercilessly reminded her of the limited time they had before the unrelenting cycle repeated itself.

Chapter Text

Then, Seattle 2016

“But darling, darling, please. You wouldn’t take my word for it if you knew who was talking. If you knew where I was walking. To a house, not a home, all alone ‘cause nobody’s there. Where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care. No one sees when you lose when you’re playing solitaire.”

There were a few things in life Maya swore to religiously, and her unwavering love for organization and order was undoubtedly one of them.

Her favorite moments working at the firehouse, aside from the adrenaline-pumping fire-fighting calls, were those rare instances when the station fell into complete silence. It was in these moments that Maya could hear the subtle screech of her boots gliding across the meticulously polished floor, the gentle wind outside rustling the windows, and the rhythmic exhale of her own breath.

It made Maya feel like she was the only person in the world, like the overwhelming weight of responsibilities, the unrelenting pressure of meeting expectations, and the constant need to win at everything, it all just vanished, And then Maya could breathe freely and be her authentic self within the tranquility of silence.

However, the silence only lasted so long until her thoughts inevitably resurfaced, demanding her attention. The voice in her head, hauntingly reminiscent of her father's, would fill her mind with doubt, and her psyche would reluctantly embrace his words

So, whenever the station grew quiet, as it was now, Maya often found herself turning to compiling lists, and although, sometimes, these lists extended beyond her official responsibilities, she derived a strange satisfaction from creating them nonetheless.

Today's list happened to focus on the station's inventory. Originally assigned to Dean by Captain Herrera, Maya couldn't say she entirely trusted him to carry out the task with the precision she knew she could bring to it.

She had begun by meticulously examining the medical cabinets, ensuring they were stocked with everything necessary for emergency situations. She then eventually made her way to the turnout room, where she methodically inspected the hoses, pulling them from their usual spots, and scrutinizing every inch for signs of wear and tear.

Maya was just about done with the last hose when the sound of footsteps neared the doorway, interrupting her concentration. Reluctantly, she turned her wrist, checking the time on her Apple Watch.

The digital display blinked to reveal the time: 11:10. It was then that she realized her shift had ended a good ten minutes ago, and that everyone had already started their exit routines. Hurriedly, she picked up her clipboard, which she had placed atop the neatly coiled hoses, and headed for the door.

As she stepped out into the hallway, the corridor lay empty, except for Andy, who stood near the exit, patiently waiting for her. It was clear that Andy's intention was to walk home with Maya, considering her father's house was just a block away from her apartment, and like every other shift, Captain Herrera was likely planning to stay back to catch up on paperwork. 

Maya would often argue that it is what made him a good captain but Andy’s concern for him made her disagree.

Maya approached the brunette, setting her clipboard down on the desk behind Andy. "Shift's over," Andy pointed out, pointing to her own wristwatch to emphasize how late Maya was. "Where were you? I thought you were assigned to desk duty."

"I was," Maya admitted, shrugging sheepishly as she gestured toward the clipboard she had been diligently working on. "Dean wasn't going to do it anyway, and I needed something to keep me busy."

Frowning, Andy couldn't help but notice how Maya was avoiding eye contact. "Is everything okay?" she inquired with genuine concern.

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine," Maya replied quickly, meeting Andy's gaze. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know," Andy responded, her tone tinged with skepticism. "Maybe because you can't even look me in the eye long enough to assure me.”

Maya sighed, her defenses weakening. "I'm not... I just got distracted doing inventory, Andy, that's all it is."

"Whatever you say, Maya," Andy retorted, her voice still filled with doubt. "So, are you coming with me, or...?"

Maya hesitated, glancing around the station once more trying to find an excuse. Her eyes fell upon the clipboard, and an idea sparked. Bingo. She mentally high-fived herself as she pointed towards the object. "I'm almost done with everything on there, so I think I might just stay back and finish checking everything, just to be safe."

Andy furrowed her brows, her gaze shifting from the clipboard to Maya's face. Maya knew that she was a terrible liar, but she also knew that she couldn't have her walk home with Andy tonight. She had a different destination in mind, and it just so happened that her clipboard had a few unchecked items left to attend to.

"Are you sure?" Andy's skepticism lingered in her tone. Maya nodded affirmatively, receiving a nonchalant shrug from her best friend in response. "Okay, I guess I'll see you later then?"

Maya nodded again, her gaze following Andy as she gave her one final frown before exiting through the glass doors. Alone in the quiet station, Maya's eyes flicked back to the clock. It now read: 11:20. 

She silently hoped that Carina had safely made her way to Andrew's and was still there, hopefully carrying out the surprise she had originally planned for her brother. Maya desperately wished that Andrew would appreciate the gesture, even if her impulsive actions had seemingly marred it. It felt like Maya had a knack for ruining good things around her.

Maya was well aware of her own stubbornness and tendency to be unrelenting. She knew that doubling down on everything she had said to Carina wasn't the wisest choice. She also questioned whether heading over to Andrew's was the smartest decision at this moment. Perhaps giving Carina some space before earnestly seeking forgiveness would have been wiser. 

As she stood in the locker room, contemplating her options, Maya considered the dangerous territory of tampering with Carina's temper. However, she also believed that Carina would appreciate a genuine apology more than Maya leaving her in suspense.

Then there was also the realization that waiting for Carina's anger to dissipate would mean missing out on a significant milestone in Andrew's, and indirectly Carina's, life too.

So with determination and all her belongings in hand, Maya left the station, ready to make the detour toward Andrew's place.

That was until she spotted the man leaning casually against a sleek black Audi, hands neatly folded atop each other, and his foot tapping out a rhythmic beat as if he was waiting for someone. Maya’s heart skipped a beat, He was waiting for her , and it was none other than Lane Bishop in the flesh. 

“Dad? Hi, w-what are you doing here?” Maya stammered a mix of surprise and caution in her voice, approaching the man slowly but also making sure to maintain a safe distance. “How did you find me?”

"Kiddo," he replied, pushing himself off the car. His tone was a blend of disappointment and faux concern. "You haven't reached out to your mother or me since that night at the hospital. You changed your address. You even quit running. To what? Put out kitchen fires? To rescue stray cats from trees? I thought I raised you to be better than this. I thought I taught you how to be a winner."

With each word he uttered, Maya took a step backward, creating a bit of space between them. Her rising panic grew as Lane seemed to close the gap with every word he spoke, “I-I’m going to ask again,” she managed, trying to steady her voice. “H-how did you f-find me?” 

A faint, almost sinister smile crept onto his face. "How many Olympic gold medalists do you think there are who were also at the top of their class in the fire academy?” 

Maya gulped realizing what a mess she’d made. 

"Go on, take a guess, Maya," his voice took on a demanding edge as he continued to approach, and Maya retreated in kind, her back soon meeting the station's wall. She found herself boxed in. “Speak up!” 

She flinched at the volume, shrinking back even further against the wall. "Um, just o-one?"

"That's right. Only you, kiddo. And you know what that means?" He was right in front of her now, a physical embodiment of his looming disappointment. "It means you're the only one foolish enough to squander a gold medal," he emphasized, his finger pointing accusingly at her. His icy blue eyes blazed with anger and held no trace of the sliver of warmth she might’ve once known. “MY gold medal.”

“You’ve done nothing but put shame on my name Maya. You’re no better than your washed-up excuse for a brother,” He started to step back, moving toward his car. “Enjoy playing firefighter because that's all you'll ever amount to now, kiddo. The only thing you've ever succeeded in is shattering your chances of becoming someone worthwhile."

Reaching into his car, he retrieved an object and held it up before Maya's eyes. It was a framed picture from their post-Olympics celebration, Maya in her track uniform, the gold medal draped around her neck, as Lane embraced her with a big smile on his face and lifted her up slightly. 

It was one of the rare moments Maya had seen any form of affection in his cold lifeless eyes. 

"Take it. You can keep this as a memento since I've got no space in my house for a failure." 

However, instead of handing it over, he let it crash against the pavement, glass splintering and cracking across their smiling faces. Maya couldn't muster the courage to meet his gaze, but through the shattered glass, she saw him make his way back to the car. The engine roared to life, and he drove away, leaving Maya alone with tears streaming down her cheeks and her breaths coming in ragged bursts.

***

Her feet pounded heavily on the concrete as she physically ran away from the thoughts swirling in her mind. She didn’t know where she was running to, there was no specific destination in mind anymore; no endpoint to her escape. 

Somewhere along her aimless sprint, Maya found herself standing outside a familiar building. She had known instinctively where she would go when she left the fire station an hour ago, but now, the idea of heading to Andrew's house seemed like a distant memory.

The establishment before her was predictably deserted at this early hour. A few patrons occupied various tables, either nursing their drinks or, in one woman's case, engaging in an uncoordinated drunken dance on an empty floor with no music playing to accompany her movements. 

Maya shifted her gaze to the bar, spotting Joe, who was currently mixing a drink for the sole occupant seated at the counter. Maya selected a chair a few spots away and nodded in the bartender's direction as if to offer a silent ‘hello’. 

Joe and Maya had forged an unusual friendship ever since she'd had one too many drinks one evening and unburdened herself about everything wrong in her life. He had intervened to prevent her from taking another shot and, instead, had moved up the last call to ensure her safe journey home. Ever since then, he'd offered to be a listening ear for her problems, and soon enough Maya found that she didn't need to be inebriated anymore to confide in him.

"Fancy seeing you here this early, especially on a Friday," Joe remarked, pouring her a glass of whiskey and placing it in front of her. "What's the occasion?"

Despite the fact that Joe was privy to most aspects of Maya's life, she found herself momentarily speechless, her gaze locked on the drink he had just poured.

"That bad, huh?" Joe's concern deepened, and Maya could only manage a nod in response. "Is it about the girlfriend?" he asked, and Maya cringed at the term, even as it reminded her of Carina. "I know, I know. Not officially your girlfriend yet."

Joe had already proven himself adept at keeping her secrets, so she knew she could trust him with one more. Maya also realized she needed to get this off her chest one way or another, but when she searched for the words, they seemed to escape her. Instead, she did the only thing she could: she downed the drink in a single gulp, leaving behind a fiery trail of sensation down her throat. In return Joe did the only thing he could and topped up her glass without a word, knowing that sometimes, silence spoke the loudest.

***

Somewhere along the line, Maya had shifted from leisurely sipping whiskey to downing vodka shots, and it was safe to say she was now thoroughly wasted.

After a few drinks, Maya would typically transform into an emotional mess, pouring her heart out to anyone within earshot. But today was different. No matter how much she tried to drown her sorrows, the dam of sadness refused to burst.

Instead, she sat there in a somber stupor, attempting to distract herself from the venomous words her father had spat at her. More than ever, she regretted her foolishness in pushing Carina away once again.

Maya yearned for the familiar feeling of tranquility that enveloped her in Carina's presence. The way her mind would slow down, her heart finding peace, and the stress would dissipate as if it had never existed.

If she were with Carina right now, Maya knew exactly how it would unfold. Carina would offer to hold her, and despite Maya's initial skepticism, and her fear of appearing weak, she would yield. She'd let Carina encircle her in a warm embrace, pulling her close until all she could breathe was Carina's scent.

Carina's fingers would trace gentle patterns up and down Maya's spine, coaxing her into relaxation. She'd whisper soothing reassurances in Maya's ear, assuring her that everything would be okay, that Maya was safe in her arms.

Maya downed another shot and realized that at some point, she'd lost the sensation of the alcohol burning down her throat.

"Another round," she slurred, gesturing toward the empty shot glasses strewn on the bar between her and Joe.

"Nope, you're cut off, Maya," Joe firmly declared, taking the empty shot glasses away instead of complying with her request.

"Oh, come on! Don't be a buzzkill."

"Go home, Maya," Joe advised, showing a surprising level of concern. "It's too early in the day for you to be this drunk. You can either sit here until you're a bit more sober and talk to me about whatever's bothering you, or I can call a cab to take you home, and you can sleep it off there. Your choice." He handed her a glass of water, encouraging her to take a sip.

Maya grumbled, "Fine. I'll take the cab," rolling her eyes as she attempted to sit up. Her movements were swift, causing her to wobble slightly from the suddenness.

"You okay there?" Joe asked, a concerned furrow in his brow, as she settled back down slowly.

"Mhm! I'm just great," Maya replied with an uncomfortable smile.

He rolled his eyes in response. "Drink the water. I'll call you a cab, and by the time it's here, that glass better be empty," Joe instructed as he walked away. Maya nodded in agreement, recognizing it was the wisest course of action.

***

It was only ten minutes later that Joe had settled Maya into the backseat of the cab, providing her address to the driver before bidding her farewell. She had kept her promise to him and was feeling a bit more sober now, and with minimal assistance from the man, she had even managed to walk to the cab herself.

Once he’d left, Maya had half the mind to give the driver Andrew’s address instead, but she dismissed the idea. Given how due to her current inebriated state, she thought it unlikely that Carina would appreciate her showing up at her door.

Sitting in the backseat, Maya waited in silence, watching the streets of Seattle pass by as the cab sped towards her apartment. There was a nauseating feeling gnawing at the pit of her stomach, one not caused by the alcohol in her system but rather the culmination of her father's hurtful words. and Maya couldn’t help but think there was some truth to the matter. 

In many ways, she had been a mess-up, and Lane had been accurate in that regard. She had messed up by running on a sprained ankle and jeopardizing her running career, even if it meant winning a gold medal. She had messed up by failing to notice what was happening with her brother, Mason, despite being his older sister. She had messed up by fleeing after her race in London instead of returning home sooner. Perhaps if she had, she could have helped her brother, maybe then her life wouldn’t have turned out the way it did. 

If she had made different choices, she might never have met Carina. As painful as it was to entertain such thoughts, Maya knew that Carina would have been better off without her. Because that way, Maya might have avoided messing up yet another thing, as she was doing now, and had been since the moment she had met the Italian.

How she wouldn’t continue to cause Carina pain the longer she stayed with Maya. And Carina had stayed, despite all the times Maya believed it was over for good, that it had merely been a beautiful dream, and that reality would soon come crashing down on her. Every time Maya thought Carina had been nothing but a figment of her imagination, Carina remained in her life even when she awoke from her dreams of the Italian.

Because Carina was real, and Maya lived in fear that one day she'd push her to the breaking point. One day, Carina would walk away, and there wouldn't be a return ticket with Maya's name on it.

Maya found herself standing in the middle of her apartment, seemingly transported there without realizing it. Just hours ago, all she could think about during her shift was picking Carina up from the airport, returning home together, and holding Carina's hand in hers. She envisioned Carina carelessly dropping her belongings by the door because she had more important things on her mind.

However, now all she felt was the emptiness of the place, the sudden vastness that made it seem too big for her alone. The silence had transformed from what Maya once considered peaceful into something more haunting.

Wasn't this what she had wanted? To build her walls so high that no one could breach them and truly see her on the other side. 

But somehow, being alone didn't seem as appealing as it had before.

Perhaps it was because Maya had tasted what it meant not to be alone. Maybe, once she had experienced it, it was all she could yearn for. Maybe, following Lane's advice and pushing away any distractions, could have spared her the heartache that came with every echoing beat of her heart, each beat whispering a singular name.

That name had become unbearable, especially when combined with the loud voice in her head that was undoubtedly her father's. The headache and nausea hit her with full force, causing her to rush to the bathroom and bend over to the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach. She heaved until there was nothing left, slumping against the wall and allowing the tears to flow freely.

You’ve done nothing but put shame on my name. 

You’re no better than your washed-up excuse for a brother. 

I’ve got no space in my house for a failure. 

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut u-up!" Maya choked out, the last syllable catching in her throat as she struggled to hold back her sobs. Her vision grew blurrier by the minute, so she made the decision to close her eyes and rest her head against the wall, desperately hoping for the tormenting voice to cease.

So all I am is a liability to your career? 

Amidst the tormenting chorus in her mind, Carina's voice began to rise, adding to the cacophony that was growing louder by the second. Maya's desperation intensified, and she started pulling at her hair, feeling the stinging sensation providing a perverse kind of comfort. Soon, even this wasn't enough, and she began to move her head back and forth against the wall, each contact with the surface producing a loud, echoing sound throughout the empty bathroom.

The moment Maya realized that the noise was enough to momentarily drown out the voices, it was like she couldn't stop herself. All she craved was the return of silence, accompanied by the peace she had once known. She couldn't help but think of the clouds and how soft and comforting they might feel right now. Perhaps she could simply float away with them, leaving all this pain behind.

She was tired, exhausted, in a way that went beyond the physical ache in her muscles and the slump of her body against the floor. Maya recognized that she was weary of merely existing, of being the source of pain and disappointment for others. It wasn't just the voices in her mind she wanted to silence; it was…well it was everything.

Life. 

Maya moved quickly, making her way toward the sink, her frantic search for something evident in the loud opening and closing of drawers. The sound filled the bathroom, almost drowning out the faint, muffled knocking on her bedroom door, but she heard it.

It was quiet, almost imperceptible, but unmistakable—a soft, hesitant knocking followed by a brief pause. Maya considered the possibility that she had imagined it or that the person on the other side had grown impatient and left.

Lost in her search, she ignored the knocking until the sound of her front door being forcefully unlocked and opened jolted her.

What the hell?

Maya had never kept a spare key outside her apartment, but she had recently given copies to only two people. Thinking back on it, it could’ve been either one of them but her mind silently hoped for one over the other one. 

Her hopes were shattered when she heard the voice echo her name and call out for her. 

“Maya? Where the hell are you?” The voice was now coming from directly outside the door, suggesting the person had entered her room. "Joe called me and said it would be wise to check up on you."

Damn Joe. The one time she asked him to leave her alone…

“Go away!” Maya’s words slurred slightly.

“You’re drunk.” It was more of an observation rather than a question. "I'm not leaving until I've made sure you're okay."

"What do you care? I said leave me the hell alone." She made her way to the door and locked it, ensuring that no one else could enter.

"Maya? Maya, hey, open the door."

There was a light banging on the door as she resumed her search, finally finding the bottle she had been seeking. The sound echoed loudly enough that Maya knew it could be heard from outside the bathroom.

"Maya, what are you doing? Open the door," the voice pleaded with a sense of desperation, but Maya had reached a point where she couldn't bring herself to care anymore.

"No."

Chapter Text

Now, Seattle 2023

“I remember tears streaming down your face when I said ‘I’ll never let you go’. When all those shadows almost killed your light. I remember you said ‘Don’t leave me here alone’. But all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight.”

One candle for her mama. 

With deliberate care, Carina reached for the box of matches placed next to the row of candles, patiently waiting to ignite the dim room. Her fingers deftly grasped a matchstick and, with practiced precision, she scraped it against the box until a small flame flickered to life. Carina shielded the fragile flame from the surrounding breeze and gingerly brought it closer to a candle, gently coaxing it to transfer its warmth to the wick.

And another…

She guided the tiny fire to another candle, repeating the process.

… for Maya. 

Once she was done she retreated to a bench positioned at the very front of the room, farthest from the entrance

Carina didn't want to hear the loud commotion beyond those double doors. She sought refuge from the cacophony outside those doors, the anguished cries of families and the frenetic calls of doctors. She sought peace away from the place that had often offered her solitude.

She knew there were many corners in the hospital that could offer her that silence, yet something drew her to this particular room—a comfort she couldn't fully explain. As she gazed upward, her eyes fixed on the sky.

Desperate people find faith.

Carina needed something to hold onto, a source of comfort to navigate the chaos.

So, she would resurrect all her old habits that she’d thrown away after her mother’s passing. She would light candles hoping they would help preserve Maya’s memories and she would look up at the sky praying for the blonde’s name to rise on the transplant list. In the end, it was the only tangible action she could take, even though she felt utterly powerless.

Carina wished there were a quick fix for Maya's amnesia, but Dr. Shepherd had explained that it was a waiting game. There was hope that Maya's memory might gradually improve, though it might never return completely to normal. Amelia had advised Carina to track these moments, and on average, Maya's memory lasted about five minutes, sometimes more, sometimes less. There was a time when Maya had held onto her memories for a full six minutes, and Carina's heart had soared with anticipation, only to be dashed when Maya forgot again just as she always did.

And then there she was again, confused about why Carina was there, afraid about her leaving, followed by the shock that came when she learned the full extent of her injuries. But Carina found that she would tell Maya all of it again, every single time, no matter how growingly painful it had become for her and how everytime she said the words ‘sometimes irreversible’ in regards to Maya’s memory her heart would break just a little more. 

There was also the reality that she only had five-minute bursts of Maya's time, and she was reluctant to share them. Carina understood that eventually, Maya's team would want to see her, and she would have to allocate some of her precious time to them, especially since none of the team, except Andy and Jack, knew anything about her existence.

But she wasn't ready for that yet. So, for now, it had been just Maya and Carina, and Carina was grateful that Andy had respected that decision, even if Jack had not been thrilled about it. Nevertheless, Jack hadn't bothered her since then, and that was enough for her at the moment.

The creaking door interrupted her thoughts, and she looked up to see her brother peeking his head inside, searching for her. She smiled when their eyes met and watched as he walked all the way into the room.

"Hey," he whispered softly as he made his way down the aisles to the front row. "You've been gone a while, and I thought I'd check up on you."

Carina shrugged and smiled sheepishly at him. "Sorry, fratellino . I should've told you I was coming here, but in truth, I didn't know where I was going until I left the room and somehow ended up here."

He glanced around the room and then back at her, returning the smile. "I think I know why."

Carina furrowed her brows, curious. She silently urged him to tell her more.

"Do you remember that one summer Mama and Papa took us to Paris?" Andrew asked, and Carina nodded in response. "I remember their screaming match at the hotel, and how you took my hand, and we ran to the church down the street. I remember feeling so at peace that night, and I know you did too," he continued. "Maybe that's what you're looking for here, that same sense of comfort."

Carina chuckled at his insight and playfully shoved his shoulder with her own. Then, her expression grew more serious. "You know, maybe you're not wrong at all. I did bring Maya to that same church the night we met. I guess it's the place where I truly got to know the person she is behind that tough exterior she puts up all the time. It's where I started falling for her, and I think somehow, subconsciously, I came here looking for that same feeling because it's better than feeling all this pain and loss."

As she spoke, Carina felt a tightness in her chest, and her words rushed out in a torrent.

“Hey, she’ll be okay, you have to believe that.” 

"Andrea, you and I are both doctors, and we both know that's not true," she sniffled, tears now welling up in her eyes.

Andrew smiled at her and said, "And when has that ever stopped you from believing in the positive side of things?"

But his reassurance only left her feeling more hollow. Maybe there wasn't a silver lining to Maya's situation. This might be the best she ever gets before her liver deteriorates further and other organs follow suit.

Carina felt her brother move closer to her side. He put his arm around her, allowing her to lay her head on his chest as she cried out all her fears. The fabric of his shirt soaked up her tears as she clung to the cotton, releasing everything she had held in for the sake of not breaking down completely in front of Maya.

The tears eventually ceased, leaving Carina with only dry cries of pain. Her throat felt parched, but she had an overwhelming need to release everything that was festering inside her.

And then, as if the weight became too much to bear, she whispered out the words that had become all too familiar to her, ‘too soft.’

"Hmm?" her little brother leaned in slightly, trying to hear her better.

"It's all too soft and comfortable, and it's making me want to cry. I can't cry anymore, Andrea; it's exhausting. I need to... I need to let all of this out, but I can't do it by crying," she explained. Moving away from him, she created some distance between them, allowing the coldness of the room to envelop her once more. Her thoughts drifted back to Maya and how the blonde had once helped her through something similar. "I think…I think I need to scream."

"What?" he asked, clearly surprised.

"I need to get this off my chest somehow, and I know that screaming until my voice is gone and my throat is sore would help," she told him.

"So do it… scream," he urged her.

"That's the thing. I can't," she replied, looking around the room. "Not here. I need you to take me somewhere quiet where I can scream freely without feeling any guilt."

She could see him contemplate for a moment before nodding and rising from his seat. He extended his hand for Carina to use for support, and she took it.

He led her out of the chapel and through the hospital. Each time she thought he would stop at a door they approached, he would take another left or right, leading them down different hallways. Eventually, he stopped in front of the elevator and called it up to their floor by pressing the button for a higher floor.

Carina stared at her brother with confusion as he led her into the elevator and pressed the button for the roof. The sign next to the elevators clearly indicated that there were only two floors above their current location—the OB department and the Peds department, along with the NICU. 

None of those seemed like the place for her to scream freely, so why was he taking her up there?

"Andrea—" Carina began to question, but she was interrupted by the loud ding as the elevator doors closed. She had no choice but to follow him as they ascended. He pressed the 'R' button, indicating the roof and floors 4 and 5.

The roof? Why was he taking her to the roof? Were they even allowed up there?

Before she could voice any of these questions, the elevator doors opened again, revealing the the empty rooftop, and Carina stood there, the night sky strewn with only a few stars, she couldn't help but recall her disdain for Seattle's cloudy nights compared to the crystal-clear skies of Sicily. 

Her thoughts drifted back to the time she had taken Maya to the rooftop of her apartment building back when she had visited Italy, where they had spread out blankets and gazed at the countless stars above. Maya had taken a deep breath and whispered a single word, "Beautiful."

She had called it the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, and Carina couldn't help but disagree, because in that moment reflection of the night sky in Maya's ocean blue eyes was more captivating than any view the Italian sky could ever have offered her.

She wished she’d told Maya that back then. 

The rush of the wind across the rooftop silenced her internal musings, and Carina had to physically ground herself to avoid being overwhelmed by its intensity. She turned around when she felt Andrea's hand on her shoulder, realizing that he had been trying to talk to her all this time, but his words had been drowned out by the roaring wind.

She focused on his voice, but it was futile until he shook her gently and said, "Scream," as loudly as he could manage. Even then, his words came to her ears as nothing more than a whisper.

It was at that moment that Carina realized she could do this here—she could scream without fear of disturbing anyone, without guilt weighing her down. So, she took a deep breath and let it all out, releasing the pent-up anger and frustration, allowing it to escape her body and dissipate into the night.

***

Andy hadn't spent much time alone with Maya in her room since Carina had arrived, but when Andrew suggested that she stay with the blonde while he went to fetch Carina, it was an offer she couldn't bring herself to refuse.

It was true that she was feeling a mixture of emotions—mad at Maya for keeping so much of her life from Andy and letting her believe that they had been the best of friends all along. Frusterated at herself for letting Maya end up in this position in the first place, for not stopping her sooner, which was accompanied by a growing sense of guilt that was gnawing at her heart. And lastly also angry at the world for making it so that she couldn't stay mad at Maya for long, not when the blonde's memory was so fragile, and confronting her would only cause more confusion and pain.

Maya had been sedated once again, ensuring her body could rest and heal. Andy watched the tubes running through her arm, filtering her blood to ease the burden on her failing liver. The hope was that with time, her liver might recover enough to avoid a transplant, but it was a slim chance, which is why they’d called Carina out here in the first place.

Carina would be the one to make crucial decisions regarding Maya's treatment. Despite the initial anger and confusion about Carina's existence, Andy had come to realize what Maya must have seen in the woman. Carina was kind, understanding, and patient. She took the time to explain every detail about Maya’s health as clearly as possible, and her role as a doctor provided reassurance that she could make sound decisions. Andy had grown to trust Carina's judgment.

Time and again, Andy admitted how Maya had become like a sister to her, and that despite her initial reluctance to befriend the blonde, they had formed a deep bond, and Maya had been a constant source of support in Andy's life. Maya had been there when Andy's dad and Ryan had passed away, and during her divorce. she had never abandoned her, and yet, somehow, Andy had missed a significant part of Maya's life.

Andy couldn't help but wonder about the story behind Maya's silence about Carina. Carina had suggested asking Maya about it, but she didn't realize then that Maya would soon lose her ability to remember anything for longer than five minutes. So, Andy assumed the opportunity to ask was likely gone.

Andy just hoped Andrew that Andrew would find Carina before Maya's sedation wore off. She understood the delicate nature of the situation, especially considering Carina had been carefully timing Maya's memory, and she didn't want to disrupt any progress the blonde was making.

***

Screaming out all her pent-up emotions had been cathartic for Carina. It left her feeling lighter, but it also left her drained, her body slumping forward, and her eyes drooping. The sudden realization of her exhaustion washed over her, and she had an overwhelming urge to lay down on the floor and surrender to sleep. She hadn't slept in the three days she had been in Seattle, aside from a short nap on the first day while waiting for Maya to wake up.

If Maya's sedation hadn't worn off by the time they got back to the room, Carina decided she would allow herself the few minutes of rest her little brother had been begging for her to take.

However, that thought vanished when she entered the room and found Maya awake and seemingly engaged in conversation with Andy. Neither of the women had noticed Carina or Andrew's arrival until they opened the sliding glass doors, which made a loud noise, catching their attention.

“C-Carina hey, what are you doing here?” Maya tried to sit up on the bed but the movement made her hiss out in pain as she held her sides. 

Maya attempted to sit up on the bed but winced in pain, holding her sides. Carina rushed to her side, cautioning her, " Bambina , don't make any sudden movements; you'll tear open your stitches."

Maya looked down at where Carina's hand was holding hers and asked in disbelief, "You're really here? This isn't the drugs?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure the sedation wore off, which is why you're awake," Andy chimed in from Maya's other side.

Maya's attention then turned to Andy, and it was as if she seemed to have just realized the brunette's presence in the same room as Carina. "Andy," she said, sounding panicked, "Wait, Andy, I can explain," she added, her breathing becoming heavier.

Carina gently moved Maya's face from Andy's to her own, trying to calm her down. "Maya, it's okay, hey, look at me," she said soothingly. "Follow my breathing. Slowly, in and out." She placed Maya's hand on her own heart, ensuring it was an effortless reach for Maya.

Once Maya had calmed down a bit, Carina proceeded to give her the same information she had been repeating for the past three days.

You have anterograde amnesia.

You're on liver dialysis, which is why you have tubes connected to your arm.

We might need to do a liver transplant.

It was the same information from her color-coded flashcards. Categorized by each of their importance, from what Maya needed to know the most to what wasn't as critical. 

Andy knows about us, not everything, but enough to maybe ask questions. 

Jack punched Andrew hence the purple bruise over his eye. 

Jack had to be escorted out of the room by security and now isn’t allowed back in.

The rest of the team hasn’t been by and doesn’t know much yet.

She’d remembered each and every thing she’d written down because of how often she had been recalling it for Maya. However, there was one sentence not included in those cards that Carina always said for reassurance.

I’m here and l’m never leaving you again. 

It seemed to always reel Maya back from whatever panic spiral the other ones had sent her down, and this time was no different. Although, just as they had managed to calm Maya down, an unexpected knock on the door interrupted them.

“Come in?” Andy called out for the person to enter, and Dr. Bailey's head appeared in the doorway.

"Hey, I just got a call from Ben, and he said the rest of the team is on their way here," Dr. Bailey informed them.

Andy was taken aback. "Wait what?," she responded, walking toward Dr. Bailey stopping her right as she started to leave. "Why would they be coming here, I told them to wait a few more days."

Dr. Bailey simply shrugged in response. "Ben said apparently Jack had called them and asked them to come by today," she relayed the information.

It dawned on Andy that she still hadn't informed the rest of the team about what had transpired with Jack. He was still their lieutenant, and he had just provided an opportunity for them to visit their captain.

Carina glanced back at Maya, who had a furrowed brow as she looked between the three women, likely trying to make sense of the situation. She certainly wasn't prepared to be overwhelmed by a swarm of firefighters at this moment.

A chime from Dr. Bailey's phone interrupted their discussion, and she held it up to show the message. "They're in the lobby downstairs right now, waiting for you," she said, nodding toward Andy. Then turned to Carina, asking, "Do you know what you want to do?"

Shit. 

Chapter Text

Then, Seattle 2016

“The question pounds my head, What’s a lifetime of achievement? If I pushed you to the edge and you were too polite to leave me? Do you miss the rouge who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul when you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

Carina had let herself into Andrea’s apartment after noting that his car wasn’t parked outside. Realizing that it was likely he was at Grey-Sloan and wouldn’t be home any time soon she reached towards the side of the door frame where a small box sat, under which she knew Andrea kept his spare key. 

After turning the lock and pulling her luggage in she made a beeline for his guest bedroom. Andrea wouldn’t mind, he’d told her where he’d kept his spare for a reason, and her sole purpose for coming to Seattle after all had been to surprise her brother. 

And to surprise Maya. 

She pushed the thought away. Although the latter hadn’t gone as planned she wouldn’t give up on the former. 

Carina checked the time once again. Andrea was due to come home any time soon but until then all she could do was wait. 

She had planned to land early and surprise Maya. Maybe she could’ve gotten the blonde to spend some time with her but alas her plan had been severely derailed and so she’d have to deal with waiting for her brother alone in his apartment. 

Carina hated waiting and she sure as hell wasn’t known for being patient especially when there were so many unwanted thoughts circling her mind. 

She needed something to do. Something that would distract her from all her thoughts about Maya and the blonde’s volatile reaction at the station earlier. Her eyes roamed through her brother’s apartment trying to find a distraction. Something to clean, something to keep her hands busy. She could put on a movie while she waited for him but that would leave her hands idle and her mind wandering. 

She guessed she could cook up a meal for the both of them. Knowing how Andrea was, she knew he had probably been sustaining himself on take-out containers all this while, too ‘busy’ to shop for groceries and take the time out to cook himself a homemade meal.

Carina knew her brother was slightly coddled, years of living with their Mama had done that to him while Carina had gotten the opposite treatment from their father. She also knew that after their Mama’s death, she had given him the same treatment, she guessed it was her way of helping him not feel her loss as much.

It served as a distraction to her own mind too. 

Lucky for him though, he had a sister who was ever present to sternly talk some sense into him. But for now, just to stay busy, she decided to use whatever Andrea had to whip something up for the both of them to eat.

To Carina’s credit, it turned out to be a worthy distraction because just when she was about to put the assembled conchiglioni ripieni in the oven her eyes drifted to the digital clock on the stove above it, showing the time to be exactly 6:17 p.m.

Her first thought was that her brother was worryingly late. She hoped he hadn’t gone out for drinks with his new intern buddies from the hospital, it would be unlike Andrea especially when Carina knew he had another shift the very next day. Not to mention that her brother had also promised to cut back on his drinking after Carina expressed her worries about him possibly inheriting Papa’s disease. Ever since Mama’s passing he’d been more understanding of her requests than she’d hoped for, only putting up a fight now and then. 

Unwantedly though, her thoughts drifted back to Maya at that moment. The blonde’s shift would’ve been over hours ago, but Carina sat there wondering what the rest of Maya’s day would’ve looked like after she had left the station. Worried if they would’ve gotten any big calls, like a four or five-alarm fire, Carina would have no way of knowing. And if they did would Maya even leave her a text like she’d always done or would Carina not find out until it was too late? Her stomach twisted in knots the more she thought about it. 

Carina debated reaching for the remote and navigating to the news to confirm her suspicions but ultimately decided against it. Continuing to think about Maya right now wasn’t going to do her any good. She had been doing so good distracting her wandering mind and how just a single thought of Maya had pulled her back into the spiral. 

She hated that even after Maya had hurt her like she did, Carina couldn’t help but wonder if Maya was okay, because as messed up as it was right now she knew in her core that she wouldn’t survive a day without Maya. It was as if her heart beat in synchrony with the blonde’s since the moment she’d seen her. As if their lifelines were now intertwined. There was no Carina without Maya, no matter how hell-bent Maya was on sabotaging their relationship and proving otherwise. 

But Carina didn’t want to think about Maya anymore. The thoughts of the blonde only brought her pain and confusion because as much as she tried, Carina couldn’t wrap her head around the way Maya had been acting recently. The constant hot and cold from Maya reminded her of her childhood and it was making her feel crazy. Carina couldn’t understand how the blonde could be so present one minute and so emotionally detached the next. 

But if Maya wanted space it was what she’d get because Carina wasn’t fond of playing these games with her anymore.

***

“Maya”

There was no response on the other side of the door, his pleas were met with complete silence.

“Maya, can you open the door and let me in?” His voice was strained, his throat dry as if he’d been screaming for hours. “Maya?” It had been minutes since he’d gotten a response back from the blonde and with each second that passed he was starting to get more and more frustrated, he’d take her screaming at her again over this deadly silence. 

He considered just kicking the door open, testing the handle one more time to make sure it was locked shut. But to no avail, the silence and the state of the locked door remained. 

“Maya if you don’t open this door, I'm going to have no choice but to kick it in…” he shouted out hoping she’d listen to him because he’d never kicked a door open and he didn’t know if he even had that strength within him.

He started walking back testing angles and figuring out the best way to do it, whispering words of encouragement to himself hoping he didn’t break one of his bones along the way. He was about to take off when he heard the sound of the lock clicking and the door opening just enough to let the bathroom light out. 

He balanced himself where he stood as he tried to peer into the open space. There was still no Maya in sight but he finally heard her voice, “What are you doing here Andrew?”

***

Andrew had been the last person she had expected to show up at her apartment. She knew she had given the man a key for emergencies, but that had been mostly for Carina’s peace of mind. Now that she had upset his sister, Maya couldn’t see how Andrew could even stand to look at her face.

She had ruined everything good in her life—let Carina walk out, disappointed her father—and now she was on the verge of losing Andrew too, just when she was starting to consider him one of her closest friends. No, he was more than that; she had started to consider him her family.

And now here she was ruining it all over again. 

Why was it that she seemed to sabotage every relationship she touched? Why was she so broken beyond repair? Why was she so terrified of letting people in?

Maya knew the answer to all those questions but knowing and accepting it were two different things and Maya was never good at accepting weakness. 

She settled down on the floor of her bathroom trying to block out Andrew’s voice, hands above her ears as he continued to pester her about unlocking the door, but no matter what she did she knew he wouldn’t leave her alone. 

Maya couldn’t help but glance between the lock on the door and the tiny orange bottle in the palm of her hand. Emptying its contents into her mouth would be so easy. She wouldn’t have to face Andrew and disappoint him all over again, she’d never hurt Carina again, never kill her father’s hopes again. It would be so easy to make everything stop. 

She scooted over and unlocked the door behind her. 

“What are you doing here Andrew?”

Maya's heart raced as the door swung open, revealing Andrew's concerned expression. His eyes scanned her face, searching for answers to the unspoken questions that lingered between them. She avoided his gaze, unable to meet the kindness in his eyes.

"Maya, what's going on?" Andrew's voice softened, a mixture of worry and care evident in his tone. He stepped cautiously into the room, sensing the palpable tension that hung in the air.

Her eyes flickered between the floor and the bottle still clutched in her hand. "I messed everything up," she finally admitted, her voice barely audible. "Carina, my dad, and now... you. I don't know how to stop ruining everything."

Andrew's brow furrowed with concern. He took a step closer, gently reaching for her hand, coaxing her to release the bottle. "Maya, I don’t know what happened between you and your dad,” he paused, the confused expression on his face remaining “Or you and Carina for that matter but I know you, you think you have to face this alone but you don’t. Whatever happens, we can work through it together. Just tell me what's going on."

Maya hesitated, her fingers tightening around the bottle. The weight of Andrew's concern pressed upon her, and she wrestled with the internal turmoil that threatened to consume her. As Andrew set a hand on her shoulder, she could feel the warmth of his reassurance, a stark contrast to the cold solitude she had grown accustomed to.

"I can't burden you with my problems, Andrew," Maya whispered, her voice trembling. "It's my mess, and I don't want to drag you into it. I've already pushed Carina away, and now I'm afraid I'll do the same to you."

Andrew's eyes softened as he continued to gently hold her hand. "Maya, you're not burdening me. We're friends, and friends help each other right?"

Maya nodded, a sob still stuck in her throat, threatening to break out. She pondered the best way to explain everything to Andrew, realizing that he hadn't spoken to his sister yet. The last thing she wanted was to ruin Carina's surprise visit along with everything else she had already messed up. 

"Me and Carina had a...fight...earlier today. She was being thoughtful and I ruined it all by being my usual self and letting my mind run further ahead of me. I said things I shouldn't have, hurtful things. And now she probably hates me.”

Andrew's brow furrowed with concern, but he maintained a reassuring grip on her hand. "Maya, Carina cares about you. I'm sure she doesn't hate you. People argue, especially in relationships. I’m sure it’s nothing the two of you can’t work through. I’ve never met two people who care about each other as much as you and Carina do."

Maya nodded, but beneath Andrew's comforting words, she understood the complexity of the situation. She realized Andrew was trying to console her, yet the weight of the harsh words she had spoken to Carina lingered in her mind. Andrew's loyalties lay with his sister, and she couldn't fault him for that. It just hurt to know that despite his kind words, she'd soon be losing one of the only people she'd felt safe to confide in.

Maya couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for what she had unleashed. She knew she had to face the consequences of her actions, not just with Carina but also with Andrew, who remained blissfully unaware of the extent of her words.

“And as far as your dad is concerned, I know enough about him to tell you that you shouldn’t let his words get to you. Whatever he said, it isn’t true, and deep down you know that. You're your own person, Maya, and you don't have to live up to anyone else's expectations," Andrew said, his voice filled with conviction.

Maya met Andrew's gaze, her eyes reflecting a mixture of regret and vulnerability. "Andrew," she prompted him to look at her face, regretful tears flooding her eyes as she placed her palm on top of his, "I really am sorry."

The man looked down when he felt the weight in his hand, the very bottle he'd been trying to coax out of Maya's hands given up willingly by the blonde.

His relief, however, only lasted a second when he realized it was empty.

"Maya," Andrew began, his voice tinged with urgency, "how many did you take?"

Maya averted her eyes, the gravity of her actions sinking in. "I... I don't remember. I just wanted everything to stop, Andrew. I thought it would make the pain go away."

Fear etched across Andrew's face as he processed the severity of the situation. Without hesitation, he reached for his phone, dialing emergency services.

"Maya, we need to get you help right now. We can't take any chances."

Her hands trembled as she realized the gravity of her impulsive actions. The reality of the situation hit her, and she felt a mix of fear and regret.

"I didn't want to burden you," she whispered, her voice barely audible.

Andrew's gaze was soft, too soft , as his eyes fell on the discarded bottle. He picked it up and read the label, his expression deepening with concern. "Maya, these are anti-depressants. We need to know how many you took."

Maya's stomach churned, and she felt a wave of nausea, her vision blurring rapidly. "I don't know, Andrew. I just lost count."

Andrew's features tightened with determination as he swiftly made the decision. "Okay, that's it. I'm taking you to the hospital myself."

"Can you walk?" he asked her, and Maya nodded affirmatively, only to lose her balance as she tried to get on her feet.

Fear flickered in Andrew's eyes as he swiftly moved to support her. "Easy, Maya. I've got you," he reassured, wrapping an arm around her for support, forgoing letting her walk and instead cradling her in his arms as he hurried out of her apartment and towards the car he had driven here in.

Maya leaned into Andrew, the world spinning around her. As they reached the car, Andrew gently settled Maya in the passenger seat, securing her seatbelt. The last thing she heard was the engine roaring to life before she succumbed to the overwhelming darkness that enveloped her.

***

Upon arrival at the hospital, Andrew swiftly carried Maya inside, the automatic doors sliding open to welcome them. He had forgotten to call ahead due to his panic and was currently facing the attending physician on call, Dr. April Kepner, who had a surprised expression on her face.

"Andrew?"

“Possible overdose,” Andrew explained urgently stammering, his voice tense with worry. “I found her with an empty bottle of anti-depressants, and she's been nauseous. I don't know how many she took.” 

Dr. Kepner, though taken aback, immediately sprang into action. "Get her to Room 203, stat!" she directed a passing nurse before returning to Andrew. "I'll need more information, Andrew. Stay here."

The sterile hospital hallway seemed to close in on Andrew as he stood there, watching the medical team whisk Maya away. He wished he could do more for the blonde, but he had only been an intern for a week, and he was too emotionally involved to think straight.

Dr. Kepner returned after what felt like an eternity, her expression a mix of concern and professionalism. "Andrew, we're doing everything we can for Maya. I'll need you to provide more information. Can you tell me about any other medications she might be on, her medical history, or any previous incidents like this?"

Andrew nodded, his mind racing but coming up short for information. He knew he had two options: the first was calling one of Maya’s colleagues at Station 19, knowing they would have her medical history on file. The second option, the one he dreaded more than anything, was calling his sister Carina.

Dr. Kepner noticed the internal struggle on his face. "DeLuca, we need that information as soon as possible."

Taking a deep breath, Andrew reached for his phone, hesitating as his finger hovered over the keypad. He didn’t know any of Maya’s colleagues personally, but just the thought of making Carina worry when she was miles away and had already fought with Maya earlier in the day weighed heavily on him.

But asking Carina would be faster, and didn’t she have a right to know? With his mind made up and with a heavy heart, he had just about made the call when he saw a man rushing towards the trauma room, fully dressed in a similar firefighter uniform to what he’d seen Maya in, except he had a singular bar on each collar and a name tag that upon closer inspection read Lieutenant Gibson. 

He recognized the name, of course, he did. Maya had talked to him about her team in great detail, and Jack Gibson was a name that hadn’t come up so frequently. All he knew was that Jack and Maya had gotten off on the wrong foot when the man had asked to try on Maya’s gold medal. The same gold medal that Maya protected with her life. The one that only three people had ever touched: Maya, her father, and Carina.

His anxiety spiked when he realized the man also seemed to be walking towards them with a certain intensity in his eyes. Andrew was just about ready to provide an explanation when the man completely ignored him and walked right past to talk to Dr. Kepner.

“I’m Jack Gibson, Maya’s Lieutenant. I saw her name outside on the patient board. What happened?”

“Seems to be an overdose. Thankfully, Andrew right here brought her in just in time, but we’re missing some information. Could you fill it in?”

Jack nodded, his expression shifting from being stoic to concern as he provided the necessary information. He then turned back to Andrew, his anger surfacing. “And who are you, Andrew?” he eyed the man suspiciously, having never seen him before.

“I’m Maya’s friend,” he said cautiously.

“I’ve never seen you before or heard her mentioning you,” he raised his left brow as his suspicion deepened. “You found her like this?”

“Not exactly,” Andrew cleared his throat, feeling like he owed the man some sort of explanation without saying too much, knowing Maya would probably strangle him for it. “I was over at her apartment because of a concern for her well-being.”

Jack's scrutiny didn't waver as he silently pushed for more. Andrew hesitated for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “I got a concerning call from someone who’d seen Maya earlier, and so I went to check on her. When I found her, she was locked up in her bathroom. At first, she wasn’t responding, but after a while, she unlocked the door and let me in. I brought her here as soon as I knew that she’d taken the pills in her hand, I swear.”

The lieutenant's gaze narrowed, skepticism etched on his face. “Why didn’t she call me or someone from the team if she needed help?”

Andrew sighed, feeling the weight of suspicion bearing down on him. “I don’t know, Lieutenant. All I know is I found her in a bad state, and my priority was getting her the help she needed.”

Jack's expression hardened, and he accused, “You could be making this up. I’ve never heard of you, and Maya's never mentioned you. How do I know you didn’t have something to do with this?”

Andrew's eyes widened in shock at the accusation, a mix of hurt and frustration crossing his face. “I would never hurt Maya. I’m just trying to help her. You can ask her yourself when she's awake and well enough to talk.”

Jack's demeanor turned more serious, his voice carrying a hint of accusation. "You know, I think I remember something about Maya's brother having a history of overdosing. The two of them aren’t all that different are they?"

Andrew took offense at the insinuation, his voice firm but respectful. "Lieutenant, with all due respect, you have no right to make assumptions about Maya based on her family history. 

"Oh, because what? I don't know her? and you do?" Jack retorted skepticism etched in his gaze.

Andrew sighed, trying to maintain composure, but before he could reply a nurse approached them, her eyes scanning the room before landing on Andrew and Jack. "Are you here for Maya Bishop?" she inquired.

Both men nodded their attention fully on the nurse.

"She's stable for now. We managed to induce vomiting to clear the toxins. We'll be keeping her under observation for the night. You can see her now if you want," the nurse explained before excusing herself.

Relief washed over Andrew as he took a step towards the room, only to be stopped by Jack. “I’ll take it from here. You can go home."

Andrew furrowed his brows, "I'm not going home until she's out of the woods, Jack. I want to make sure she's okay," he asserted.

"It wasn't a suggestion."

Before Andrew could protest further, Jack walked into the room, not letting him reply. A mix of frustration and concern clouded Andrew's features as he stood in the hallway. As he pondered his next move, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Glancing at the screen, he saw Carina's name flashing. 

Andrew knew he was in for a world of trouble now.

Chapter Text

Now, Seattle 2023

“I’d kiss you as the lights went out, swaying as the room burned down, I’d hold you as the water rushes in if I could dance with you again”

A chime from Dr. Bailey's phone interrupted their discussion, and she held it up to show the message. "They're in the lobby downstairs right now, waiting for you," she said, nodding toward Andy. Then turned to Carina, asking, "Do you know what you want to do?"

Shit. 

No, Carina had absolutely no idea what to do. Dr. Bailey's gaze felt intense as if it was burning into her, waiting for a response, and it was too much to handle after everything that had transpired in the last few days.

She knew she could say the word, and Dr. Bailey would put on her best threatening face to send everyone away without a question. But then, didn't the team have a right to see their captain and, more importantly, their friend? Carina felt like it wasn't her decision to make. She should've had time– time to talk this through with Maya and ensure that their presence wouldn't overwhelm her above all else. She should’ve had time to make sure that the team knew what they were walking into when stepping into the four walls of the hospital room.

Hell, she wasn't even sure if the team was aware of her existence yet. If they were aware of what she meant to Maya and why was it that she was here as their captain's power of attorney.

Jack Gibson had, once again, left her with no choice.

He’d simply taken the control out of her hands again.

The mere thought of him sent a surge of frustration through Carina's veins. He had proven to be an obstacle in her path since the day she first knew of him. His presence had always cast a shadow over every decision, complicating matters and leaving a trail of discord behind. She had had enough; she knew there had to be something she could do to deal with the man once and for all.

Her thoughts, however, were interrupted by Andy, who placed a hand on her shoulder, figuratively stopping her in her tracks. In a soft whisper, she said, "I'll handle it. You stay here with Maya in case she wakes up again.”

Carina mulled it over for a second, maybe Andy was right. Perhaps it was for the best that Carina never saw that irritating man again because she couldn't promise she’d be able to stop herself from doing something drastic if she did. Instead, she just nodded thankfully towards the fire lieutenant and watched her slide the glass panel open and walk out of the room.

With Andy out of view, Carina moved her attention back to Dr. Bailey, who stood silently by the doorway, the look on her face suggesting that the team’s arrival wasn’t the only news she had come here to share.

***

She was confused, to say the least. Andy had no idea why Jack had been behaving the way he had this past week. It was like he had become a changed person, someone she couldn’t recognize no matter how hard she tried. 

Although, according to Carina’s reaction, she guessed it had all been going on for way longer than what she had been privy to. 

As she walked out intending to confront the man, Andy couldn't shake the feeling that there was a deeper history between Carina and Jack, one that went beyond the recent events she had witnessed. She wasn’t even aware the two knew of each other before today but the fact that Jack had punched Carina’s brother and had given him a bruised eye should’ve been her first clue that she had been wrong, but to her credit, Andy had chalked that up to the heightened tension in the room regarding Maya’s declining health.

However, a part of Andy couldn’t shake the thought that Maya had never shown much dislike towards Jack; rather, they’d always been close enough to be considered actual friends more than just mere coworkers. But it was Carina and Andrew’s distaste for Jack that suggested yet another thing Maya, her supposed best friend, might’ve hidden from her.

Andy worried about how many more surprises she could take. Some irrational voice in her head feared that she might find out about Maya’s possible secret child next. She shook the voice away, hoping that its words held no truth. 

As she approached the lobby, Andy scanned the area for familiar faces, her eyes eventually landing on none other than Ben Warren. Although, it was when she got closer that the absence of the rest of the team became apparent. She recalled Dr. Bailey mentioning that Ben had been the one to inform her about Jack inviting the whole team over, so she had expected to see him, but she hadn’t thought he would be standing in the halls all alone.

Approaching Ben, Andy talked to him with a concerned expression, "Hey, Warren. Where's the rest of the team?” she asked looking around.

“Andy, hey,” Ben looked at her, his brows furrowing at her concern. "They're in the waiting room," he replied, motioning towards the designated area. “I thought I’d give Miranda the time to ask you before all of us just barged in without warning.” he paused, “I was also surprised that Maya was okay with the whole team just coming over here, it sounded very unlike her.”

Andy frowned, “Yeah that’s because Maya never agreed to any of it. She’s barely been conscious in the past two days, but that isn’t all of it.” She could tell Ben was confused so she kept going, “She hit her head pretty hard in that garage, and aside from being impaled in her abdomen she also had a minor concussion. Or we’d thought it was just a concussion until Maya woke up with short-term memory loss and was speaking in a different language.”

“Shit.” Ben’s eyes widened.

“Jack didn’t mention any of this?” Andy implored but the man just shook his head in denial. “Is everyone from the team here?” She inquired, still following him toward the room. 

The atmosphere inside was tense, and she couldn't shake the feeling that there was much more going on beneath the surface.

Upon entering the waiting room, the rest of the team looked up at them, their expressions a mix of concern and curiosity. Andy scanned the room, recognizing familiar faces, but her eyes were searching for one person in particular – Jack.

“Ben,” she turned back to him, “Where’s Jack?” Her tone now carried a layer of worry, wondering about what Jack could be up to now.

“Okay, so, I didn’t think much of it at first, but after everything you’ve just said I can’t help but think that Jack has been acting unusually odd.” He replied.

“What do you mean by odd? Ben, what’s going on?” she questioned.

“None of us thought much of it, Andy, I promise. If even one of us had suspected anything, we would’ve never left him on his own.” Ben held his hands up in surrender.

“Where did you leave him?” Andy’s voice raised in tone as her nervousness skyrocketed.

Ben was now scratching the back of his neck as he looked at the other lieutenant sheepishly, “He’s still at the station. B-shift took over for all of us as scheduled, which meant that Lieutenant Davis was supposed to take over for Jack, but there had been an order from the Chief stating that he’d be taking over as acting Captain instead. At least while Maya fully recovers and is cleared for active duty.”

She furrowed her brows, now more confused than ever. None of it had been making any sense, why would the Chief of the SFD appoint Jack as acting Captain when both Andy and him had been sent on leave for their next few shifts? Andy knew in her gut that there was something entirely suspicious about this whole situation but the only person who could give her the answers she needed was the man who was at the center of it all, Jack.

***

Carina's phone vibrated insistently, but with one glance at the caller ID, she swiftly tucked it back into her pocket, focusing her attention entirely on Dr. Bailey.

"So, are you suggesting we explore other options?" she inquired, her voice tinged with concern.

"No, Carina. What I'm saying is that Maya isn't responding to dialysis as we hoped. Her condition is deteriorating rapidly; her liver is failing, and our efforts to salvage it have reached their limit," Dr. Bailey explained gravely.

Carina's heart sank. "But what does that mean? What's our next step? There has to be something else you can do. My little brother idolizes you both, you and Dr. Grey have performed miracles. Please, there has to be another solution, non mi interessa, you need to do something. ” she begged the other woman hoping for anything.

Tears brimmed her eyes as the doctor nodded, “Your last option is still the liver transplant, and with the way Maya’s liver is continuing to fail, I think it is now your best one. The only problem is that her condition still hasn’t deteriorated enough for her to be a priority on the UNOS list yet-“

She was interrupted again by the sound of Carina’s phone buzzing in her pocket. She pulled it out only to immediately hang up and put it down further away, this time on the table next to the hospital bed. 

"Is everything alright? I can step out if you need to attend to something urgent," Dr. Bailey offered.

Carina shook her head, her voice strained. "No, it's nothing. Please, continue."

“Very well, so, as I was saying. Maya needs to be higher on the list for her to get a transplant directly from UNOS. However, we’ve had cases where sometimes a direct match is found within the patient’s family, or elsewhere, and they agree to donate a percentage of their liver directly to the patient.” she finished.

Carina would be lying if she said the thought of a direct donation hadn’t crossed her mind too. The only problem in all of this was that Maya’s relationship with her family had been fractured time and time again and was so irreparable that the option seemed nonexistent to begin with. The blonde hadn’t spoken to her family in years. All of them except-

Her phone buzzed again, interrupting her thoughts. She grabbed the device and switched it off for good this time, not wanting to deal with it all right now. Carina already had enough on her plate to feed a whole army, she didn’t need the hassle of tending to yet another person’s needs.

Turning her attention back to Dr. Bailey, Carina found herself at a loss. All her medical training seemed useless, and she felt cornered without any viable options. It was either contacting Maya’s family and begging them for help or waiting until Maya was on the brink of death, only for the lucky chance that she might get a match before it was too late-

Carina didn’t have it in her to consider the possibility of such a situation.

“I need to speak to Maya,” she said hesitantly, “and my brother.” her voice wavering.

“Of course,” Bailey replied, offering a sympathetic smile and placing a hand on her right shoulder, “take some time and discuss it through, and don’t worry about finding Andrew, I’ll get one of the interns to go fetch him from wherever the hell he is.”

Grateful, Carina nodded, mouthing a quiet 'thank you' as Dr. Bailey left the room. Carina’s gaze moved back to Maya who was still sleeping, unaware of the turmoil the brunette was in. She didn’t know how to bring the news up to a Maya who wasn’t likely to remember her decision for more than five minutes. By the time Maya was likely to process that she’d need to seek help from her family, she would most certainly need to be caught up with the situation all over again.

Carina was afraid that the decision would fall on her once again and she was terrified that she would pick wrong. Maya had always been the more calm one of the two in their relationship, especially after the incident , it was like she’d found this new sense of balance and assurance within herself.

But still, family was neither of their strong suits. Both of their fathers had inflicted enough damage on them to last a lifetime. A lifetime that currently was slipping away out of Maya’s hands.

Carina dreaded making the wrong decision, yet she understood she had no choice but to take action. With a heavy heart, she unlocked her phone, recognizing there was one person left to contact, one option she hadn't ruled out. She still had a chance to regain control before it slipped away entirely. Before it reached a point where—

She paused.

There were exactly three messages waiting for her on the lock screen, along with about a dozen missed calls from the very number she hoped to avoid.

Dove sei? 

[Where are you]

Carina??

Rispondete alla mia chiamata. È importante. 

[Answer my calls. It’s important.]

Her brain struggled to process it all when another message popped in, this one from a different contact. But before she could respond, Gabriella was calling her instead.

“Carina?” her friend's voice crackled on the other line, “Tessoro, you know I hate to do this but it’s your father…”

And just like that, she felt like she'd lost even the illusion of control as the world slipped from her grasp.

Chapter Text

Then, Seattle 2016

“Our coming-of-age has come and gone. Suddenly the summer, it's clear. I never had the courage of my convictions, as long as danger is near. And it's just around the corner, darling. 'Cause it lives in me. No, I could never give you peace. But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm. If your cascade ocean wave blues come. All these people think love's for show, But I would die for you in secret.”

C - Hey, call me when you can, will you?

His sister had given up calling after he’d missed the first one, not having the courage to move his fingers to the accept button. A part of him thought about ignoring the text too but he had to reply to his sister. Andrew couldn’t have her worrying about him in the middle of the night when she was supposed to be asleep.

A - Hey, sorry sorella. I got held up at the hospital again, you know how it is.

A - I’ll call you when I’m back home but it could take a while, so please don’t stay up.

Andrew paused before adding;

A - Is everything okay?

He anxiously waited as the delivered sign at the bottom of his texts turned into a read one. The text bubble at the bottom appearing, disappearing, and then appearing once again while he bit on his nails impatiently.

After what seemed like forever, a singular text greeted him in return.

C - All good fratellino, nothing that can’t wait until later.

C - I’ll talk to you soon!

Andrew sighed in relief. He was still slightly doomed, but what Carina didn’t know didn’t hurt her, not now, especially not when she was miles away. He’d tell her all of it when he would call her later. "Yeah, great thinking, Andrew," he muttered to himself sarcastically.

Nonetheless, his immediate concern remained to confront Lieutenant Gibson, who had casually strolled into the trauma room and left him stranded in the hallway as if he owned the place. Andrew felt the urge to stride into the room and give the man a piece of his mind. Who did Lieutenant Gibson think he was? What right did he presume to have over the matter?

But Andrew halted in his tracks. After all, Lieutenant Gibson was still Maya’s superior, someone she worked with and someone partly responsible for her safety in their perilous profession. Did he truly want to engage in a confrontation while Maya lay unconscious, unable to weigh in on the matter?

Yet, Andrew couldn’t shake off his confusion. Why did there need to be a confrontation at all? What significance did their friendship or lack thereof hold for Lieutenant Gibson? If he genuinely cared about Maya, wouldn’t he have kept Andrew informed, considering that he was the one who brought her in?

The questions plagued his mind as he entered the room, seemingly having walked in on something as he noticed the Lieutenant seated on the edge of the bed with his back towards the door. Andrew could hear him quietly whisper something that remained unheard by him. However, his whispering seized the deeper Andrew walked into the room, making his presence known to the Lieutenant who still hadn’t turned around to face him or tell him to immediately leave like Andrew had expected.

Instead, just as Andrew was going to take up the other side of the bed, he heard the Lieutenant’s phone go off as he hurriedly stood up. He could sense Jack’s internal struggle as he looked between his phone and Andrew, as if not sure of what should be done. It only took another incoming message for him to pocket his phone with a sigh before quietly exiting the room in a hurry, still without bothering to acknowledge Andrrew’s presence. 

He could see the man say something to Dr. Kepner in a hurry, observing as she took note before swiftly exiting through the E.R.’s double doors. Once the man was out of sight, Andrew refocused his attention on Dr. Kepner, who was now making her way toward the trauma room.

“Well, Dr. DeLuca,” she began, “it appears that Lieutenant Gibson had to rush out for a four-alarm fire downtown. He mentioned it's all hands on deck. With the expected influx of trauma patients, we'll be moving Maya to a private room for the night. You're welcome to stay with her until she's awake, but we'll need to keep her under observation until tomorrow. Additionally, we may arrange some psychiatric assistance, considering we're still unsure whether the overdose was intentional or not-”

Andrew interjected swiftly, "It wasn't." He was certain Maya hadn't intended for it to happen. Or perhaps, subconsciously she had, but she had regretted it in the end. So really, she hadn’t meant to…

“Regardless,” she considered him suspiciously, “I do think that it will help Maya to talk to someone.”

Andrew nodded hesitantly, knowing he really didn’t have a choice in the matter, even if he was aware that Maya didn’t react well to strangers probing into her thoughts. She had always been staunchly against therapy, despite wholeheartedly supporting Carina's decision to see a therapist.

He made a mental note to broach the subject delicately with Maya once she was awake and coherent, intending to avoid catching her off guard and causing her to instantly put up her walls. But, for now, his focus remained on staying by her side and ensuring she received the care she needed.

***

Carina stared at the text thread on her phone after pulling up outside the hospital. When Andrew had told her that he’d been stuck on a case, her first thought was of her father and how he’d always made similar excuses to cover up his illness. Although a second accompanying thought followed as she reassured herself that Andrew had promised he would do better, and that she had to trust that he’d come to her when he needed instead of hiding things from her. 

She sighed, feeling a sense of guilt for doubting her brother but also an overwhelming concern for his well-being. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss, especially with the cryptic message he had sent earlier. Despite her tiredness from the long drive to get there, Carina knew she couldn't rest until she had checked on Andrew.

As she made her way through the hospital corridors, her mind raced with various scenarios of what could be happening. Perhaps Andrew was facing a difficult case that had him emotionally drained, or maybe there was a personal issue weighing heavily on him. Whatever it was, Carina was determined to be there for her brother, just as he had always been there for her.

Although, before she could make her way inside towards the hospital she bumped into a man exiting the open double doors of the E.R. 

The man Carina bumped into had an air of urgency about him, his phone clutched tightly in his hand. He seemed to be in a rush, barely sparing a glance for Carina as he mumbled a quick apology before darting off down the corridor. Carina watched him disappear around the corner, a frown creasing her brow.

Her eyes had caught on to the firefighter uniform the man was wearing, along with the name tag that had clearly spelled out ‘Lieutenant Gibson’. There was only one person she knew of who shared the last name and was also a firefighter in this city, and he was one of Maya’s co-workers. 

She tried to calm her racing heart. There were many reasons as to why a Lieutenant would be in the E.R in the middle of the day. He could’ve been dropping off a patient for all she knew, or 

he could be there for some other reason entirely. She shook her head, trying to dispel the growing unease that was settling in the pit of her stomach.

But the nagging feeling in Carina's gut refused to dissipate. She couldn't shake off the sense of unease that settled heavily within her as she continued through the hospital halls, trying to locate her brother.

She quickened her pace, the sound of her footsteps echoing along the sterile corridor. The familiar smell of antiseptic and the distant hum of medical equipment did little to ease her growing apprehension. Carina rounded a corner and nearly collided with a nurse pushing a cart full of supplies.

"Sorry," she muttered hurrying past, before turning back around to ask the nurse, “Would you happen to have seen a Dr. Andrew DeLuca?" 

The nurse paused, and glanced up from her clipboard at Carina with a furrowed brow before replying, “Dr. DeLuca should be with a patient in one of the private rooms down the hall. Are you family?” 

Carina nodded, her heart calming down a little after knowing that Andrew was in fact on a case just like he had mentioned earlier. However, the relief was quickly replaced with the guilt of having so quickly questioned her brother as if he would’ve lied to her.

Carina quickened her steps, following the nurse's directions down the hallway towards the private rooms. Each door she passed heightened her anxiety until finally she reached the one where she saw Andrew leaning over the occupied hospital bed, appearing to be going through the patient’s vitals. She hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath to compose herself before knocking on the door lightly, so as to not alarm him or the patient who was still out of her sight.

Andrew looked up from the patient's chart when he heard the soft knock on the door. His heart skipped a beat as he saw Carina standing there, her expression a mix of relief and concern. He quickly made his way to the door, pulling it open slightly to step out only to shut it close once again.

“Carina? You’re here! What are you doing here?” the rush with which her brother said the words went unnoticed by Carina due to the shock she could see on his face. 

For all Andrew knew, she was still supposed to be in Italy, and yet Carina was right here standing in front of him.

She took a moment to compose herself, meeting Andrew's gaze with a mixture of emotions swirling in her warm brown eyes. "I... I got your message," she began, her voice soft yet filled with unspoken questions. "You said you were stuck on a case, but I couldn't shake this feeling that something was not quite right." Her words lingered in the air, heavy with worry and a touch of guilt for doubting her brother.

Andrew's shocked expression faltered for a brief moment realizing that he’d done the very thing he’d aimed not to do, which had been to worry his sister unnecessarily knowing she was miles away. 

“I mean what are you doing here in Seattle?” he asked, further panicked. 

Carina hesitated, her mind racing with the multitude of explanations she could offer. Debating whether she could tell her brother of the fight between her and Maya yet. "I... I missed you, Andrea," she admitted softly, her eyes betraying the conflict behind them. “I wanted to surprise you but…ma mi sono preoccupato e sono venuto qui” [but I got worried and came here].

Andrew hesitated for half a second too long.

It was subtle, something Carina might’ve missed if she hadn’t known her brother her entire life, but she caught it—the way his shoulders stiffened, the way his hand tightened around the doorframe as if he were bracing himself.

“Andrew,” she said quietly, her gaze flicking past him toward the closed door behind his back. “Who’s in there?”

He swallowed.

“It’s just a patient,” he replied too quickly. “Carina, you really didn’t have to come all this way—”

“Don’t,” she cut in gently, but firmly. “Don’t do that thing where you talk around me. I know you.”

Her eyes lingered on him now, really looking. The exhaustion etched into his face, the faint redness in his eyes, the way his lab coat sat wrinkled on his shoulders like he’d forgotten it was even there. This wasn’t just a long shift. This was something else.

Her heart began to race, every instinct screaming at her as she took a step closer to him. “Andrea,” she pressed, her voice trembling now, “who is in that room?”

Andrew’s eyes softened, filling with something dangerously close to guilt. “It’s Maya.”

The world seemed to tilt.

“No,” Carina whispered immediately, shaking her head as if she could physically reject the words. “No, that’s not—she was fine. We just—” Her voice cracked. “What happened?”

Andrew stepped aside slowly, giving her space. “She was brought in earlier tonight. Overdose. Accidental,” he added quickly, as if the word itself might shatter her. “She’s stable now.”

Carina didn’t wait for anything else. She pushed past him, her hand already on the door before her mind could catch up to her body.

The room was dim, lit mostly by the soft glow of monitors. The rhythmic beeping filled her ears as her eyes landed on the hospital bed—and on Maya.

“Maya,” she breathed.

The sight of her stole the air from Carina’s lungs. Her girlfriend lay impossibly still, pale against the white sheets, wires and IVs tracing along her skin. Carina staggered forward, gripping the edge of the bed as if it were the only thing keeping her upright.

Behind her, Andrew quietly closed the door.

“I found her,” he said softly.

Carina froze.

“What?” she whispered.

“I went by her place,” Andrew continued, voice tight. “I hadn’t heard from either of you, and something felt off. She didn’t answer the door, so I—” He swallowed. “She was on the bathroom floor.”

Carina’s knees nearly buckled.

“I brought her in myself,” he finished. “She was breathing, but barely. If I hadn’t—” He stopped, unable to finish the sentence.

Carina turned to face him slowly, tears welling in her eyes. “You found her,” she said again, as if repeating it might help her understand. “You were there… and I wasn’t.”

Guilt crashed over her in a suffocating wave. The fight replayed in her mind—every sharp word, every moment she’d chosen anger over staying. She pressed a hand to her mouth, stifling a sob.

“This is why,” she said, her voice breaking. “This is why you didn’t call me.”

Andrew nodded, eyes glistening. “I didn’t want you to get on a plane thinking she was dying. I needed to know she was going to live first.”

Carina shook her head, tears spilling freely now.

And that was when the anger came.

It burned hot and sudden, cutting through Carina’s fear like a blade. One moment she was standing frozen at the foot of the hospital bed, heart lodged somewhere in her throat, and the next her chest was tight with something far more volatile.

Anger at herself.

Anger at the way she’d walked away.

Anger at the fact that Maya lay here now—silent, unmoving—while Carina was still standing, still breathing, still very much alive.

She stared at Maya’s face, pale against the stark white pillow, lashes resting softly against her cheeks as if she were only sleeping. If Carina didn’t know better, she might have believed that. Might have convinced herself that this was just exhaustion, just another moment Maya would eventually push through.

But the machines told a different story.

The steady beeping was too loud in the quiet room. Too final.

Carina’s hands trembled at her sides before she finally reached out, fingers brushing against Maya’s knuckles. Warm. That small mercy nearly broke her. She curled her fingers carefully around Maya’s hand, as if afraid she might shatter her.

“I shouldn’t have left,” Carina whispered, the words spilling out before she could stop them. “I knew better. I know you.”

Her throat tightened painfully. She could still hear their argument replaying in her mind—her own voice sharp, defensive, saying things meant to protect herself that only cut Maya deeper. She’d thought walking away would give them space. Time.

She hadn’t thought it would lead here.

Behind her, Andrew stood quietly near the door, arms crossed tightly over his chest, eyes flicking between his sister and the monitors beside the bed. He hadn’t said much since they’d arrived. What words were there, really?

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Carina continued softly, thumb brushing back and forth against Maya’s skin in a repetitive, grounding motion. “I thought… I thought you were pushing me away.”

Andrew’s jaw tightened. He knew that wasn’t the whole truth. He knew Maya’s fight with Carina was only part of the spiral. But standing there, watching the guilt carve itself into Carina’s face, he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

Not now.

Not like this.

“She was conscious when I found her,” Andrew said finally, his voice low, almost careful. “Scared. But she was still fighting it.”

Carina’s breath caught. She turned slightly, just enough to look at him over her shoulder. “You found her?”

He nodded. “In her bathroom. She unlocked the door herself.”

That small detail lodged painfully in Carina’s chest. Maya had let him in. Had reached out—just not to her.

“If I had stayed,” Carina said, her voice breaking now, “she wouldn’t have been alone.”

Andrew shook his head immediately. “You don’t know that.”

But Carina wasn’t listening. Her gaze had returned to Maya, her grip tightening just a fraction. “She thinks everything is her fault,” she murmured. “When she hurts, she turns it inward. I should have known she’d blame herself.”

Andrew swallowed hard. He looked at Maya then, really looked at her, lying still and uncharacteristically fragile. He knew about the fight with their father. Knew how deeply those words cut. But Carina didn’t—and Andrew could see how easily she was weaving the blame entirely around herself.

A nurse passed briefly by the open doorway, glancing in before moving on, leaving the room heavy with unspoken tension once more.

Carina leaned closer to Maya, lowering her voice as if afraid the world might hear her. “I’m here now,” she whispered. “I’m not going anywhere. You just have to wake up, okay? Please.”

She waited.

The machines continued their quiet rhythm, indifferent to her plea.

Andrew shifted his weight, unease settling deep in his gut as he watched the monitor. The numbers were steady—but too steady. Too unchanged.

Carina’s breath hitched as she lowered her forehead to Maya’s knuckles, eyes burning. She stayed there, frozen in that fragile space between hope and fear, afraid that if she pulled away, something irrevocable would slip through her fingers.

Chapter Text

Now, Seattle 2023

“Past me, I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things. Your nemeses will defeat themselves before you get the chance to swing. and (s)he’s passing by, rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky, and (s)he feels like home. If the shoe fits, walk in it everywhere you go”

Carina didn’t answer at first.

Gabriella’s name pulsed on the screen like a warning, and for one irrational second Carina considered pretending she hadn’t seen it. As if silence could buy her time. As if time was something she still had.

She stepped away from Maya’s bedside just far enough that the machines wouldn’t drown out the sound of her voice, pressing the phone to her ear.

“Pronto,” she said quietly.

There was a pause on the other end, the kind that only ever meant bad news. When Gabriella spoke, her voice was already shaking.

“Carina… tessoro. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it’s your father.”

Carina closed her eyes.

“Is he hurt?” she asked immediately, already running through possibilities—falls, accidents, overdoses, the familiar catalogue of fear she kept neatly filed away in the back of her mind. “Is he hospitalized?”

“Not yet,” Gabriella said. “But he should be.”

That was worse.

Gabriella explained in pieces, like she was afraid that saying it all at once would make it real. Their father hadn’t been sleeping. Not for days. He’d been taking extra shifts at the clinic, insisting he was fine, brushing off concerns with that familiar sharp-edged confidence that always came before the crash. A nurse had finally reported him—operating on patients after being awake for nearly forty-eight hours straight, refusing to step away, snapping at staff who questioned him.

“He’s unstable, Carina,” Gabriella said softly. “I know you know what that means.”

Carina did. Bipolar II wasn’t a mystery to her; it was a rhythm she’d learned by heart. The hypomania that masqueraded as brilliance. The productivity that looked impressive right up until it burned everything down. The inevitable fallout.

“Has anyone pulled him from the OR?” Carina asked, already slipping into doctor mode. “They can’t let him operate like that.”

“They’re trying,” Gabriella replied. “But you know how he is. He won’t listen to me. He keeps saying he’s fine, that he’s never felt clearer.”

Carina let out a slow breath through her nose, forcing her hands to unclench. “Okay. Okay, listen to me. He needs to be evaluated. If he won’t agree voluntarily, the hospital has protocols—”

“I know,” Gabriella interrupted gently. “I’ve tried. They’ve tried. He keeps invoking you. Saying if you were here, you’d understand.”

The words hit harder than Carina expected.

She glanced back at Maya through the glass, at the stillness of her body beneath the sheets, the faint rise and fall of her chest. The machines kept doing their work, indifferent to the way Carina’s world seemed to be splitting cleanly down the middle.

“I can’t come right now,” Carina said, hating how small her voice sounded. “I promised Maya I wouldn’t leave. She’s… she’s not stable yet. I can’t—”

“I know,” Gabriella said quickly. “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t serious.”

Carina swallowed. “I’ll make some calls. I can talk to his supervisor, get psychiatry involved remotely if I have to. We can have him suspended from surgery until he stabilizes.”

She clung to the logistics because they were solid, because they were something she could do. Fixing things was easier than choosing.

There was another pause, heavier this time.

“Carina,” Gabriella said carefully, “I already called Andrew.”

Carina stiffened. “You did what?”

“I’m sorry,” Gabriella rushed on. “I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared, and you weren’t answering at first, and—”

“I told you not to involve him,” Carina snapped, the edge in her voice sharp enough to surprise even herself. “Andrea doesn’t need this right now.”

“Neither do you,” Gabriella shot back, just as quietly. “But here we are.”

Carina pinched the bridge of her nose, the familiar pressure building behind her eyes. “What did he say?”

Gabriella hesitated. Then, softer, “He said you’ve already sacrificed enough.”

The words landed, settling somewhere deep in Carina’s chest.

“He said you’ve been doing this your whole life,” Gabriella continued. “Dropping everything. Cleaning up after him. Being the responsible one while he gets to fall apart and call it illness.”

Carina leaned back against the wall, her knees suddenly weak. “That’s not fair,” she murmured. “He’s sick.”

“I know,” Gabriella said. “Andrea knows that too. But he also knows what it’s cost you.”

The call ended shortly after, Gabriella’s voice dissolving into quiet apologies Carina barely registered. She lowered the phone slowly, her reflection staring back at her from the darkened screen—drawn, exhausted, older than she remembered feeling.

“Carina.”

Her head snapped up.

Andrew stood a few feet away, just inside the doorway, his coat still on like he hadn’t planned on staying. She hadn’t heard him arrive. Somehow, that made it worse.

“Andrea,” she breathed.

“I’m going to Italy,” he said, without preamble.

“What?” Carina straightened immediately. “No. Andrea, you can’t just—”

“I can,” he interrupted, firm but gentle. “And I am.”

She shook her head, disbelief sharp and immediate. “You’re in the middle of everything with Maya. I need you here.”

“You need to stay,” Andrew countered quietly. “With her.”

There was no accusation in his voice. No resentment. Just certainty.

“You’ve done enough,” he went on. “For him. For all of us. You’ve been doing this since we were kids—dropping everything, fixing what he breaks, pretending it doesn’t cost you anything.”

Carina swallowed hard.

“This time,” Andrew said, softer now, “I’ll be the one who goes. I’ll make sure he gets evaluated. I’ll stay as long as it takes.”

Her throat tightened. “Andrea—”

“You promised Maya,” he said gently. “And for once, you don’t have to be the one who breaks yourself to keep everyone else standing.”

Silence settled between them, thick and fragile, punctuated only by the distant hum of hospital machinery.

Finally, Carina whispered, “Thank you.”

Andrew’s mouth twitched, something like relief flickering across his face. “Take care of her,” he said. “I’ll take care of this.”

***

Carina stayed where she was for a moment after Andrew left, her fingers curled tight around her phone. The hallway felt too big all of a sudden, like the world had expanded the second she wasn’t holding everything together on her own.

She exhaled slowly, then turned back toward the room.

Maya hadn’t moved.

At least, that’s what Carina thought—until she noticed the smallest shift beneath the blankets. A twitch of fingers. A breath drawn a little too sharp.

Carina crossed the room in two strides.

“Maya?” she whispered, careful, like saying her name too loudly might scare her back under.

Blue eyes fluttered open.

They didn’t focus right away. Maya’s gaze drifted, unfixed, skimming the ceiling before landing somewhere near Carina’s shoulder. There was a beat—too long, always too long—before recognition sparked.

“Carina?” Her voice was rough, disoriented. “What—what are you doing here?”

There it was.

Carina sat down beside the bed, close enough that Maya didn’t have to turn her head. “I came as soon as I could.”

Maya frowned, trying to orient herself. “But you were in Italy. We just—” She stopped, brow furrowing deeper. “We were on the phone.”

“I know,” Carina said gently. “You were hurt. There was an accident.”

Maya swallowed. “An accident?”

“Yes.” Carina reached for her hand, slow, deliberate. Maya didn’t pull away. “You’re in the hospital. You’ve been in and out for a bit.”

Maya stared at their joined hands, grounding herself. “How long?”

Carina hesitated—just long enough to choose. “A couple of days.”

Maya let out a quiet breath. “I don’t remember any of that.”

“I know,” Carina said again, softer this time. “The doctors said your memory might be a little… spotty for now.”

Maya’s jaw tightened. “So I just—” She gestured weakly with her free hand. “Skipped ahead?”

Carina huffed a small, humorless laugh. “Something like that.”

Silence settled between them, heavy but not empty. Maya’s grip tightened slightly, like she was anchoring herself.

Her shoulders relaxed against the pillows, exhaustion creeping back in now that the panic had passed.

“Okay,” she murmured. Then, quieter, “I’m glad you’re here.”

Carina squeezed her hand. “Me too.”

Maya’s eyes fluttered, fighting sleep. “If I forget again…” she started, trailing off.

“I’ll tell you,” Carina said immediately. “Every time.”

That did it. Maya nodded once, satisfied, and let her eyes close.

Carina stayed exactly where she was.

***

The station feels wrong without her.

Jack notices it the second he walks in — the way the air hangs heavier, the way even the engine bay seems too quiet. Maya’s office light is off. He doesn’t turn it on. It feels like crossing a line he hasn’t earned yet.

He’s halfway through reading the email for the third time when Andy walks in.

“Tell me this isn’t real,” she says, not bothering to soften it.

Jack looks up slowly. “I didn’t ask for it.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Andy replies.

He exhales, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Chief Ross called it in. Temporary. Until Maya’s cleared.”

“And you said yes,” Andy says flatly.

Jack meets her gaze. “Someone had to.”

Andy lets out a humorless laugh. “Funny. Because last I checked, there were two lieutenants standing right here.”

Jack doesn’t flinch. “You’re on leave.”

“So are you.”

“Yeah,” he says quietly. “Apparently that didn’t matter.”

Silence stretches between them, thick with things neither of them want to name. Jack glances toward the bay, where B-shift moves through drills with practiced efficiency. The machine keeps running.

“I’m not trying to replace her,” he says finally. “I know that’s what it looks like.”

Andy’s jaw tightens. “Then what are you doing?”

Jack swallows. “Holding the line.”

Andy studies him, eyes sharp. “You invited the whole team to the hospital without asking Carina.”

A muscle in Jack’s jaw jumps. “They deserved to know.”

“She deserved a choice,” Andy snaps.

Jack looks away. “I thought I was helping.”

Andy’s voice softens, just a fraction. “You don’t get to help by taking control away from the person who actually has it.”

He nods, slow and resigned. “I know.”

“Do you?” she presses. “Because Maya trusted you. And right now, she can’t even remember what day it is.”

That lands.

Jack closes his eyes briefly, then straightens. “I won’t make decisions for her. Not the ones that matter.”

Andy holds his gaze, searching for something. Finally, she nods once. “Then don’t start now.”

She turns to leave, then pauses at the door. “This isn’t yours. Not really.”

“I know,” Jack says.

Andy hesitates, then adds, quieter, “Just… don’t screw this up.”

When she’s gone, Jack stands alone in the middle of the station, the weight of a title he never wanted settling heavy on his shoulders.

Temporary.

That’s what they called it.

But temporary still meant responsibility. Still meant choices. Still meant consequences.

He glances once more toward Maya’s dark office before turning back to the floor, forcing himself to move.

Because stopping isn’t an option — even when the person who taught him how to lead is lying in a hospital bed, counting minutes she can’t remember.

***

Carina had learned to pace it.

Not too much information at once. Not too fast. She spoke the way she did to anxious patients, calm and measured, as if the tone alone could anchor reality in place.

“You’re in Seattle,” she said gently. “Grey Sloan. You were on a call—a garage fire. There was an explosion.”

Maya nodded along, eyes focused, absorbing. “And I hit my head.”

“Yes.”

“And you flew in,” Maya added, glancing at her. “From Italy.”

Carina smiled softly. “Yes.”

Maya hummed. “Okay.”

Carina glanced at the clock without meaning to.

Four minutes.

Five was average. Seven, on a good stretch. She kept track without writing it down, without telling anyone. It felt like tempting fate.

“You’ve been in and out,” Carina continued, keeping her voice steady. “Sometimes you remember for a bit. Sometimes it slips.”

Maya frowned. “How long is ‘a bit’?”

Carina hesitated, then answered honestly. “Five minutes, usually.”

Maya blinked. “That’s… not a lot.”

“No,” Carina agreed. “But it’s something.”

Maya shifted slightly, wincing. “What’s the record?”

Carina glanced at the clock again.

Six minutes.

“Seven,” she said. “Once.”

Maya’s eyebrows lifted. “Wow. Should I be proud?”

Carina laughed before she could stop herself. “Yes,” she said. “Very.”

Maya smiled at that, a real one, easy and familiar. It made Carina’s chest ache.

“Okay,” Maya said thoughtfully. “So what are we at now?”

Carina froze.

“You remembered,” she said quietly.

Maya tilted her head. “I asked you that already, didn’t I?”

Carina nodded, heart picking up speed. “You did.”

Maya let out a low whistle. “Look at me go.”

Carina checked the clock again.

Eight minutes.

Her breath caught.

They kept talking.

About nothing important at first—Travis’s terrible jokes, Andy hovering too much, the way the hospital coffee tasted like regret. Maya complained about the monitors beeping. Remembered why one of them was there. Remembered Carina’s answers when the nurse came in and left again.

Nine minutes.

Ten.

Carina could feel the joy creeping in despite herself, bright and dangerous. She leaned closer, like proximity alone might keep Maya tethered.

“You look like you’re counting,” Maya said suddenly.

Carina blinked. “I—”

“You are,” Maya said, not accusing. Curious. “Time, I mean.”

Carina swallowed. “I am.”

“How long?”

She glanced at the clock again.

“Twelve minutes.”

Maya’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”

“Yes.”

Maya laughed, soft and disbelieving. “Huh. Maybe I’m getting better.”

Carina nodded too quickly. “Maybe.”

Fourteen Minutes and Forty Seven Seconds.

She knew the exact second because Maya was mid-sentence.

“So if my liver is being dramatic—” Maya paused. Her brow furrowed, confusion flickering in like a shadow crossing sunlight. “Wait.”

Carina felt it before she heard it.

eyes flicking around the room. “Why am I here?”

Carina feels the drop in her stomach — sharp, familiar — and still, she smiles.

“You were in an accident,” she says softly. “You’re in the hospital.”

Maya nods, absorbing that much. Then her gaze snaps back to Carina, confused but focused.

“And you?”

“I flew in from Italy.”

Maya blinks. “You did?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t remember that,” Maya says, frowning.

“I know.” Carina’s thumb brushes over Maya’s knuckles, grounding them both. “You have some short-term memory loss. It comes and goes.”

Maya exhales, a little stunned. “So I keep… resetting?”

“For now,” Carina says gently. Then, because it matters, she adds, “But this was the longest you’ve stayed clear so far.”

Maya’s eyes lift. “Really?”

Carina nods, unable to stop the smile this time. “Almost Fifteen minutes.”

Something like pride flickers across Maya’s face, even through the confusion. “Huh,” she murmurs. “That feels… good.”

“It is,” Carina says, quietly fierce. “It’s progress.”

Maya relaxes back against the pillows, reassured. “Okay.” After a beat, softer, “Are you staying?”

“Yes,” Carina answers immediately. “I’m right here.”

Maya studies her face for a long moment, like she’s committing it to memory in a way she knows won’t last. Then she nods, satisfied enough for now.

“Okay,” she murmurs. “Good.”

Her eyelids flutter, exhaustion finally winning the argument. Her grip on Carina’s hand loosens, but she doesn’t pull away completely—just enough to rest.

Carina doesn’t move.

She watches Maya sleep, watches the steady rise and fall of her chest, the quiet persistence of a body still fighting even when the mind can’t keep up. The clock on the wall ticks forward, indifferent.

Fifteen minutes.

Not quite. Close enough.

Carina lets herself feel it this time—the small, fierce joy curling in her chest, fragile and bright. Progress. Measurable. Real. Something no one could take away from them, even if it only existed for a handful of borrowed minutes.

She leans forward, pressing her lips briefly to Maya’s knuckles, careful not to wake her.

“We’ll get there,” she whispers, not sure who she’s saying it to. “However long it takes.”

Maya shifts faintly, a soft sound escaping her throat, but she doesn’t wake.

Carina stays.

She doesn’t look at the clock again.

She already knows how quickly time can be lost—but she also knows now that it can be found again, piece by piece, minute by minute.

And this time, she isn’t going anywhere.

***

Carina waits until Maya is fully asleep before she steps into the hallway.

She closes the door softly behind her, the click barely audible, like anything louder might disturb the fragile balance they’ve managed to find. The quiet outside the room feels harsher somehow — fluorescent, clinical, unyielding.

“Carina.”

Dr. Bailey stands a few feet away, tablet tucked under her arm, her expression professional but gentle. Not urgent. Not relieved. Somewhere in between.

“How long was she lucid this time?” Bailey asks.

Carina straightens slightly. “Almost fifteen minutes.”

Bailey’s eyebrows lift, just a fraction. “That’s a good stretch.”

Carina nods, pressing her lips together. “It felt like it.”

Bailey gestures down the hall. “Walk with me.”

They stop just outside Maya’s room, close enough that Carina can still see her through the glass — still, breathing, here.

“As things stand,” Bailey begins carefully, “Maya’s memory may continue like this for a while. Minutes at a time. Maybe longer. Maybe shorter. It’s unpredictable.”

“I understand,” Carina replies. And she does.

Bailey shifts her weight. “Her liver function is still deteriorating. Dialysis is buying us time, but not much. A transplant is becoming less of a contingency and more of a necessity.”

Carina’s chest tightens. “I know.”

“As her power of attorney,” Bailey continues, “you have the right to make medical decisions on her behalf if she’s unable to.”

Carina nods once. “I’m aware.”

Bailey studies her for a beat, then softens. “I wanted you to hear this from me.”

Carina looks up.

“The entire A shift volunteered to get tested,” Bailey says. “Blood type, tissue match — everything. If a direct donation is possible, they wanted to know.”

The words don’t land all at once.

They unfold slowly, deliberately, like something too big to take in at once.

“All of them?” Carina asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

Bailey hesitates. “Every single one other than Gibson .”

Carina’s breath stutters. She hadn’t realized she’d been holding it.

She knew the team mattered to Maya — knew it in theory, in stories and late-night calls and the way Maya spoke about them like they were family. But this… this was something else entirely.

They hadn’t been asked.

They hadn’t hesitated.

They had simply stepped forward.

Carina presses a hand to her mouth, emotion rushing up fast and uninvited. “They don’t even—” She stops, shakes her head. “They don’t know if it’s possible.”

Bailey gives a small, knowing smile. “Didn’t stop them.”

Carina looks back through the glass, at Maya lying there unaware of the quiet army forming around her. Her throat tightens painfully.

“She’d hate this,” Carina murmurs. “The attention.”

Bailey chuckles softly. “Probably. Doesn’t change anything.”

Carina lets out a shaky breath, blinking hard. “Thank you,” she says finally. “For telling me.”

“You don’t have to carry this alone,” Bailey replies gently. “None of it.”

When Bailey leaves, Carina stays where she is, eyes fixed on the room beyond the glass.

Fifteen minutes. Almost…

The number echoes in Carina’s head as she stands in the hallway, fingers curled tight around the edge of the counter like she needs something solid to keep from drifting apart.

Fifteen minutes meant progress.

It meant possibility.

When Dr. Bailey tells her about A shift — about every single one of them volunteering, lining up without being asked — Carina feels something fragile and bright crack open in her chest.

A match, she thinks.

It’s foolish, she knows that. The odds are small. Blood types, tissue compatibility, all the things she’s spent years explaining to patients with careful detachment. She knows how unlikely it is.

But still.

Maybe one of them is a match.

Maybe this is enough.

Maybe Maya won’t have to wait.

Carina’s mind races ahead despite herself. She’ll get tested too — of course she will. It’s not even a question. She doesn’t pause to consider the risks, the recovery, the cost. If there’s even the smallest chance, she’ll take it.

She clings to that hope with both hands.

Because if there’s a match here — if this works — then she won’t have to make the other call.

She won’t have to reach across years of silence and damage.

She won’t have to bring Maya’s father back into her life like a ghost neither of them ever learned how to outrun.

Anything but that.

Carina looks back through the glass at Maya, asleep and unaware, her face peaceful in a way that feels borrowed.

“Please,” Carina whispers, not to anyone in particular. “Let this be enough.”

She doesn’t know yet that it won’t be.

All she knows is that for the first time since the accident, hope feels louder than fear — thin and fragile, yes, but real.

And for now, that’s enough to keep her standing.