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Peter already hated this. Not only was he wearing a mask, he was wearing the most ridiculous outfit, and standing in a bar with his best friends. The fact they were also in masks and dressed equally as ridiculous was irrelevant. What the hell was he doing?
"Was this really necessary?" he asked, waving a hand at his own outfit. Green shorts (complete with red waistband for the full effect) so short and tight that imagination wasn't required to determine anything, a green shirt cropped so high it was more like a scarf, and cheesy boots with toes that curled up on the ends. He was grateful his didn't have bells.
Ned had the bells. He also got slightly less fitted shorts and his shirt was like Hawai'ian Christmas. MJ had made him leave it unbuttoned. MJ was, somehow, wearing the most clothing of the three of them. She had a blue leather skirt, a glittery silver-white leather bra, and the most severe pair of silver-white thigh-high boots Peter had ever seen. If he didn't know better, he'd think she was going to a sex club and not a bar crawl.
"Shut up," MJ said. "You look hot." Her outfit made her a little scarier than usual.
"Also, I think that Santa over there is checking you out," Ned pointed out, nodding toward a man sitting at the bar sipping from a rocks glass.
Peter adjusted the green fabric mask so it wasn't obscuring his vision. "Pretty sure he's eyeing up MJ's tits," he scoffed. No one ever looked at him. So clearly this guy at the bar wasn't.
"Too bad for him," MJ responded, "that my Santa tonight will have tits too, huh?"
The Santa and elf motif was a twist on a standard bar crawl that someone had organized for the holidays. MJ had found out about it through some friends on campus and brought the idea to the friend-group. Her pitch had been 'We dress up as slutty elves, go to bars, see if we can get a hook-up. Where's the bad?' She wasn't one for mincing words.
Ned had been all-in on the idea and immediately started working on plans and outfits. Peter had been a bit more wary, and didn't understand the Santa and elf split. To which, MJ rolled her eyes and explained the breakdown as mostly tops as Santas and bottoms as elves, but ultimately, it was all for fun. None of which explained why MJ got to dress like an ice-queen dominatrix while he and Ned were slutty elves, but it was their outing for the night and he was determined to have fun.
Ned snorted. "Are you gonna change up at the next bar like last time?"
She frowned at him. "Maybe." When Ned glared at her, skeptical, she snapped back, "Oh, eat a dick, Leeds." The smirk accompanying it softened her barb back to something more playful.
They hadn't done one of these bar crawls in masks before, but it did open up some possibilities that regular crawls didn't. For Peter, at least, he felt more like he could talk to people without his usual nerves getting in his way. It did not change the fact that he still believed the hot older guy at the bar was checking out MJ over him.
"You should go talk to him," MJ encouraged.
Peter pressed his lips together. "Just to get shot down? No thanks. Maybe we should hit the next bar."
"We just got to this one," Ned protested.
"Yeah, and it's crowded and hot. Also, they water down the drinks here."
MJ nodded agreement. "He's right about that last bit. Okay, next bar. We'll get drinks and maybe find a table. But I bet we get crowds at all of them."
"With better drinks, I can handle the crowd," Peter said.
"Sometimes you are such a princess," MJ scoffed.
Peter shrugged. "I grew up poor. I'm allowed."
Tony turned around from ordering another drink to find the elf he had been scoping out was gone. He frowned, scanning the bar for any sign of the elf or his pals. Nothing.
"Dammit."
"What?" Rhodey asked, turning to see what Tony was griping about, empty beer bottle returning to the bar.
"My elf is gone," he grumbled, and lightly flinched away from Rhodey adjusting the red Santa hat on his head. Then, swatted at the man's hands. "Stop."
Rhodey chuckled and sipped at the new beer set in front of him. "Maybe they'll be at the next bar. What is this outfit you have on anyway?"
Tony didn't even glance down at his red leather pants and red mesh shirt. "What?"
"You look like a Christmas hooker."
Tony beamed. "Exactly what I was going for, Sourpuss. Besides -" he waved a hand at Rhodey's far too on the nose red and green camo get-up.
"I blend in."
Tony snorted and ignored the new drink the bartender slid to him. He dropped a pair of fifties on the bar, then clapped Rhodey on the shoulder. "Let's go to the next bar. Not only do they have better drinks, they play better music." Without waiting, he slipped off the bar stool and pushed through the crowd toward the exit, eyes on the HUD in his red mask.
On the walk to the next bar, Tony smiled at people cat-calling and whistling at him. He adjusted his mask to center it on his nose. Elbowing Rhodey to get his attention, he asked, "See anything you like?"
"A few," he answered, head turned to follow a scantily-clad woman with a lot of swaying hips.
"Go get 'em tiger."
"Too easy. I need a bit of a challenge. Otherwise, why are we even doing this?"
Tony grinned and waited for Rhodey to open the door at the next location. Immediately, he was hit with the sexy Christmas atmosphere. He'd been right about the music too. While it was holiday themed, it was a good mix of traditional and contemporary – but the good stuff. Ignoring patrons huffy about having to walk around him, he scanned the bar for the elf in the sexy green shorts from the first bar.
Rhodey tugged at his arm. "Come on. Get out of the door."
"Do you see him? Hot pants and crop top?"
"Tony, you just described half the room."
"He was standing next to the dominatrix with the great rack."
"That's not helping."
Tony rolled his eyes. "You are a useless wing-man."
"I'm a great wing-man when I know what the hell is up."
A curvy blonde sidled up into Tony's space, trailed her fingers down his arm. She thrust her breasts at him, all but grinding against his leg. He gave her a tight smile and casually redirected her attention.
"Could you imagine this without the masks?" Tony asked
Rhodey gave Tony an unimpressed look as another woman made her way into Tony's personal space.
"Wait – where is she going?" Ned asked when MJ slid out of the booth. They had managed to secure the table by virtue of MJ looking scarier than the other patrons.
Peter shrugged. "Bathroom?"
"Maybe. But, hey, that Santa that was checking you out before is back." Ned pointed.
Peter pushed Ned's hand back down. "Dude, don't point."
"He's checking you out again too."
Shaking his head, Peter tried not to notice. When he looked up, there was a redhead draped across the Santa's lap. "Too late. Another elf caught him."
Ned frowned. "You remember the whole idea here is to go out, have drinks, and hook up, right?"
"Yes," Peter said. "And you remember how well that's always worked out for me in the past, right?"
"Oh my god, that was once, loser," MJ countered as she scooted back into the booth. "He is checking you out by the way."
"Pretty sure he was checking out the woman straddling his lap," Peter returned. That's what Sexy Goatee Santa had been doing the last time Peter had glanced over there. He'd been trying to get a better look at the man's outfit, but drunk women kept trying to droop in the guy's lap, blocking Peter's view.
MJ looked at Ned. "Please get him another drink. This is depressing." While Ned was off getting drinks, MJ turned to Peter. "Hey, I know. Rejection sucks. But that guy? Totally the opposite of rejection."
"I'm not good at this one-time thing, MJ," Peter protested.
She frowned at him. "What's to be good at? You fuck and you leave."
"I know, but that's not me."
"No, but it is Peter the slutty Elf," MJ said.
Peter kept his train of thought going, "Maybe it would be more me if there was some mistletoe or something."
Tugging at the sleeve of his crop-top, MJ said, "Who needs mistletoe when you're wearing green hotpants?" It made Peter snort at least. "So, stop it and get yourself a one-night stand. Or, hell, a quick fuck against a wall."
"What is wrong with you?" He wasn't even secretly relieved when Ned came back. He was visibly so. He grabbed the offered drink and knocked back half of it.
Wide-eyed, Ned asked, "What did you do to him?"
MJ smirked. "Nothing. He's just being a chicken about looking hot for his Santa."
Peter glared at her to no avail. Ned was cheesing at him from across the table and was no help at all. He wanted to sink into the floor. Instead, he knocked back the rest of his drink. Then nudged for MJ to get up, excusing himself to the restroom.
Part ruse to get away for a minute and part truth, Peter made his way through the crowd to find the restroom. On the way, he passed the sexy Santa with the sweet goatee. Okay, he could admit when he was wrong. The guy did check him out. Though Peter was more convinced it was because of his own ridiculous outfit than anything else. That had to be it, right? The guy trying to figure out what possessed this young man to put on the world's smallest pair of shorts and a non-existent shirt. Peter hadn't been kidding when he'd told MJ that this sort of thing hadn't gone well for him in the past. Despite her insistence it had only been a one-off, he'd had several less than stellar experiences in the 'hook up' department.
When Peter exited the restroom, he heard a voice trying to get someone's attention. It wasn't until he looked over his shoulder that he saw it was Sexy Goatee Santa. Getting his attention. How was that beckoning motion so damned hot?
This wasn't something that should make him feel things. But, he tipped his head a bit and asked, "Help you?"
"Definitely. Right now, let me get a look at those abs," the smooth, almost smoky voice of Sexy Goatee Santa replied.
But there was something else there too. Beyond the smokiness. Something making it more sexy. Confidence, for sure, but also a sort of playfulness. Peter really liked it. And he liked the guy admiring his body. This was different from the way other people looked at him. This held a sort of appreciation. And a little lust.
Maybe it just felt that way because of the masks. He huffed a little sigh. "We good?" he asked, turning to go.
Sexy Goatee Santa suddenly looked disappointed. "We are, but why such a hurry? Do I smell bad? I showered before I came out here."
"No, you smell great." Why did he say that? It was true. Sexy Goatee Santa had a sweet sort of smoky thing going on from his expensive cologne to go with the smoke in his voice. But Peter shouldn't have told the guy that. He was such an embarrassment.
A wicked little grin bent the Santa's mouth. "You sure? Maybe you should come over here to double check."
Peter let himself be pulled in, right up against the mesh top covering the man's chest. He didn't need to be any closer to know the guy smelled good; his heightened senses let him do that from halfway across the bar. But only Ned and MJ knew about that. Now that he was only inches from that sexy goatee, he could really see how expertly groomed it was. He could also see clearly the honey brown eyes that had been staring at him all night. He didn't stand a damned chance against this. How did one stranger hit all of his oh my god, yes please now buttons at once?
He was in trouble.
"You gonna kiss me or what?" Sexy Goatee Santa asked.
"Now that I have permission? Definitely."
Oh damn. Tony sighed behind his mask. Sexy and polite. What the hell?
One corner of his mouth twitched upward in that rakish grin he knew everyone hated on him. "Getting consent. I like it." He'd like even more if that beautiful mouth would just kiss him already.
That wait ended quickly as the witty little elf stretched just slightly to meet Tony's lips. He let the elf go on for a bit, working at his mouth, tongue dusting at his lower lip. But what really interested him was where the elf put those amazing hands of his.
He started with one in Tony's hair and the other at his waist. But the hand at his waist slid down to grope his ass. Perfectly acceptable for a make-out in the dark corner of a bar. What really surprised him though, was when he felt those gorgeous, lithe hips starting to grind against him.
Tony rumbled low in his chest and gave as good as he got. He bit at the elf's lip, dragging his teeth over it slowly. His own hands joined the party down low, but he tucked one of his hands up under that adorable cropped shirt to pinch at a nipple.
The elf growled against Tony's mouth. "Fuck," he cursed. Then Tony found himself lifted from the floor and pressed against the wall. For a moment, his eyebrows were in his hairline, but reversed course the second he felt how hard the elf's cock was in those tiny little shorts.
"I am wearing the wrong pants for this," Tony mock grumbled between kisses. But that didn't stop him from wrapping his red leather clad legs around the elf grinding eagerly against him.
This elf was strong, holding Tony up easily. It gave Tony plenty of freedom to move his hands. He still pinched and tugged at the elf's nipples with one hand. The other, he let slip down between them to cup at the elf's package. An excellent holiday gift.
That Tony would have to wait to unwrap, because someone decided they needed his attention. Reluctantly, he pulled himself out of the kiss. He pressed a finger to the elf's slightly swollen lips. "Hold that thought, Keebler." Glaring at the HUD in his mask (would Tony ever go anywhere without his trusty AI?), wrinkling his nose, he huffed a sigh. "Sorry, need you to let me down, Elmer. Got a – thing."
The elf with the great abs set him back on the floor. Tony could see the disappointment even through the guy's ill-fitted mask. He didn't want to stop what they were doing either. It couldn't be helped though.
He turned his phone around with the contact entry page open. "Put in your info and I'll message you when I'm done."
For a moment, the elf looked skeptical and like he wasn't going to do it. Tony could see the exact second the elf's mind flipped over, and grinned smugly.
He chuckled when he saw the guy had put his name in as 'Christmas Keebler'. Cute. Tony tucked his phone away, then peered around the corner looking for Rhodey.
"Hey," he said as he turned back to the elf, "that outfit is hot. And I'll catch you in a couple crawl stops, yeah?"
The elf nodded. "Yeah. Okay." And if Tony wasn't mistaken, there was definitely a blush on Keebler's cheeks.
"Right. Gotta go."
"Man, you comin'?" Rhodey urged.
"Yeah." Tony gave one more look over his shoulder before turning back to Rhodey. "If Cap isn't on fire, I'm kicking his ass."
"This came from Sam, so I'm sure it's legit. They had Steve call so you'd pay attention."
"Why is this job so much fun?"
Rhodey slapped Tony on the back. "Don't worry, Tony, you can come back out to slutty Christmas crawl when we're done."
"Promise?" Tony asked expectantly as they suited up to take off.
MJ came around the corner brushing a hand over her mouth. "Hey, loser. Wondering where you got to."
Peter adjusted his shirt back into place on his chest and tried to ignore the hard-on that was taking its sweet time to dissipate. "Restroom," he said and even he could hear the huskiness in his voice.
She gave him a skeptical look. "Did you fall in?" When Peter sighed, she kept going. "Don't. I saw you totally making out with the hot Santa who'd been checking you out all night." She grinned at him.
"MJ!" Could his life get any more embarrassing?
"What? I'm just glad I'm not the only one. Where'd he go?"
Peter shrugged. "Got a message and left."
Giving him a semi-concerned look, MJ asked, "You didn't give him a fake number, did you?"
With a little huff-sigh, he said, "Thought about it. But no. Fake name though."
MJ snorted. "What, like your alter-ego?"
"No. 'Christmas Keebler'."
"Oh my god, you're such a dork. I love you. Come on. Let's see if we need to rescue Ned before we go to the next bar."
* * * * *
Bar number three was decked out like a winter wonderland full of sparkly blue and silver white. It made the red and green from the Santas and elves stand out. Peter, Ned and MJ took a seat at a recently abandoned bar height table. From there, they could see most of the room, like scouts on a safari.
Ned immediately started flipping through the stack of holiday trivia cards on the table. MJ gave him a glare, daring him to start reading them out loud. Sheepishly, Ned put the cards down. Peter just sat back watching the exchange with a tiny smile.
"So, how was it?" MJ started in before they'd even ordered drinks.
Peter frowned. "How was what?"
She rolled her eyes like he had missed the entirely obvious. "Kissing the sexy Santa."
"You kissed the guy who was checking you out?" Ned all but shouted.
Mortified, Peter wanted to crawl under the table and disappear. Though, he was grateful for the music drowning out Ned from all of the people around them. "I hate both of you."
"Not just kissing. There was grinding," MJ added pointedly.
If Peter had been drinking, he'd have spit across the table. "MJ!"
"What? That's what the whole event is for. Random hook-ups. Plus, he was hot. Did you see his ass?" MJ smirked and looked right at Peter. "Oh, right. You touched it. C'mon. Is it as nice as it looks?"
Ned's eyes went wide as saucers. "You touched his ass?"
Peter wanted to die. "You are both terrible friends. Horrible. Awful. The worst."
"Are we though?" Ned asked as drinks were brought to their table by a redhead that caught MJ's attention.
"Okay, not really, no. But can you please not try to make me talk about it? Especially since there's nothing to talk about. He left."
MJ got her eyeroll out again. "With your number in his phone, genius." That got Ned's attention too.
"Please note that having my number in his phone means nothing," Peter said. "Besides, why don't you ask MJ who she was macking on." Redirection was his friend.
"Oh, I saw all of that go down. It was great until the girl's boyfriend showed up. Apparently he asked for a three-way because MJ all but eviscerated him."
"He did ask. And if I'd had the right tools -"
Peter laughed. "That means he asked the wrong way."
"Exactly. Geez. I think she dumped him though. So now he gets a no-some."
Sipping his drink, Peter turned to Ned again. "What about you? Someone catching your hormones?" He grinned at MJ when she nudged him in the ribs.
"Not really," Ned answered.
MJ frowned. "You're not even looking. Want us to help?"
"I'm kinda having fun just hanging out with you guys and seeing who's into you," Ned admitted.
"That's cool," MJ said. "You definitely don't have to hook up if you're not into it."
Ned shrugged. "Sometimes I am. I'm just not feeling it tonight. But don't let that stop you from getting your slut on."
Peter snorted and almost choked on his drink. "Thanks for that."
"Well, in that case…" MJ downed the rest of her drink, "...text me before you leave the next bar. I'm gonna go see when this hottie's shift is over."
"Go get 'em!" Ned cheered.
"You sure you're okay with this? If it goes that way and we both ditch you?" Peter asked. The crawl was fun, but he didn't want to abandon his friend. He'd been on that side of the equation before too and it sucked to be left behind looking like an idiot with no friends.
"Dude, it's cool. I tried a little bit, but I'm not feeling it tonight. But I'm totally here to support you two. If your sexy Santa comes back, you had better ditch me so fucking fast, man."
Peter held up his hands in surrender. "Got it. He comes back, you're on your own."
"I will make fifteen friends before you get back."
"I believe you," Peter said with a smile. "Okay, next bar or wait a bit more here?"
"Next bar. Let's go. I think they have this really cool cocktail they make that tastes exactly like those Andes mints."
That one, Peter would leave to Ned. But he'd find something fun and Christmas'y to drink too.
"Lose my number, Cap. Don't call me again," Tony called over his shoulder without turning around as he and Rhodey headed to the garage. "I swear if he bothers me with some bullshit like that again..."
"You'll run off in a huff, but still join the team anyway," Rhodey finished.
"Shut up. Get in." Tony settled into the car and closed the door.
"If FRIDAY wasn't driving, you wouldn't be behind the wheel."
"You are a party pooper, you know that? You poop on all the parties." Tony leaned back in his seat.
"I'm getting out." Rhodey leaned toward the door, but Tony tugged on his sleeve, pulling him back.
"Come on Christmas camo. We're missing out on the Slutty Santa Bar Crawl. I need to catch up."
Rhodey leaned back in the seat. "You looked like you were doing okay."
Tony half-glared. "That's why I need to catch-up."
"Do I even need to come along if you're just going to run off as soon as we get there?"
"How do you know you won't find someone to spend twenty minutes with?" He nudged Rhodey's shoulder with his fist.
"Can we just get back to the bars? We picking up where we left off or skipping ahead?"
Tony checked the HUD to refresh his memory. He gave an instruction to FRIDAY and let the AI do the rest.
They'd been gone a little while, so skipped a couple locations in favor of the slightly more up-scale place a little farther down the list. Here they got a nice table with a rounded booth seat of some high quality leather-vinyl alternative. Always nice to sit and not squeak.
Tony took a moment to admire the pair of red shorts on one of the wait staff before he turned to take their order.
"Stop staring," Rhodey loud-whispered.
"Oh, it's all right, honey. Staring is why I wore these," the waiter said. "What can I get ya?"
Tony smirked and ordered for both of them. Rhodey groaned about the Christmas cocktails, but relented as long as he could also get a beer.
The waiter winked, then stepped to the next table.
"Was that for you or me?" Rhodey asked.
"Both. I think he's up for a spit roast."
"Why am I friends with you?"
Tony laughed. He looked up when the door opened, but it was just some yeti dressed in a full Santa suit, complete with a big sack, potentially carrying gifts.
Rhodey had caught sight too. "Is that Thor?" he asked, peering across the table.
"I think it is." Tall and blond under the hat. Built like a god. Thunderous laughter. If it wasn't their favorite Asgardian, the guy was doing an amazing approximation.
"Looks like he's having a good time." A beat. "And a lot of whatever he's drinking."
Just then, the mighty fellow turned and surveyed the room. He made his way to their table with a hearty, "Ho, ho, ho! You resemble my friends. I come bearing gifts." Then he handed them each a small-ish (for Thor) goat figurine. "Merry Christmas, friends!" he boomed, then marched to the bar, dropping his sack to the floor at his feet.
Tony and Rhodey said together: "That was Thor."
"What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" Rhodey asked, holding up the goat.
Tony could only grin. He didn't fucking know either.
The waiter with the hot ass strolled by with their drinks. This time he seemed more interested in the god of thunder than Tony and Rhodey.
"We just got ditched, man," Rhodey fake-grumbled.
The door opened again and a pair of elves, one with bells, the other in familiar tiny green shorts, entered the bar. Tony's gaze was focused in that direction.
"That's okay. My top pick just got here."
"I knew you were going to abandon me."
"Platypus, the place is teeming with available options. I believe in you." Tony patted Rhodey on the shoulder and downed his drink. He frowned at the two elves beginning to retreat already. "Shit." He slid from the booth and began to push through the happy bar crowd.
Peter sighed at the size of the crowd in the bar. And the potential size of the price tag of anything in it. The place was really nice, but it seemed so much busier than the others had been. He turned and nudged Ned. "Come on, let's go to the next one. It's kinda crowded in here."
"They're kinda all like that though," Ned countered. But he didn't put up much protest. He turned to push back toward the door.
"Yeah, but most of the other places won't make my bank card cower in fear," he said back, getting a chuckle from his best friend.
Peter frowned and turned sharply, almost ready to fight, when he felt fingers curl around his arm. "Hey! Oh-" Holy shit! It was the Sexy Goatee Santa. "Uh, hi," he said as he reached with his free hand to grab Ned's shirt or arm to keep him from leaving.
"Where're you going so soon, Keebler? You're gonna miss out on – well – me."
The megawatt smile on the Santa should have been a huge turn off. But it had the entire opposite effect on Peter. He wanted to devour this guy. He imagined himself dragging his tongue along the ridges of those collarbones – only partly obscured by the red mesh shirt - and… he was getting distracted and the guy was saying something to him.
Sexy Goatee Santa tipped his head toward the far side of the bar. "Come on. Got a table. I'll share. Bring your friend." The guy didn't let go of Peter's arm when he started walking.
Peter tugged Ned's shirt. That was enough to get his attention focused on moving. They followed the Santa to a nice curved booth where another Santa was sitting drinking a beer. This one in some sort of festive military look.
Sexy Goatee Santa slid into the booth first and scooted to the middle next to his friend. Peter slid in next, and Ned beside him. There was an awkward moment where no one said anything. Then Sexy Goatee Santa said, "Okay, Keebler, meet Santa2 here. Call me Santa1."
"Why are you Santa1? I'm older – and wiser – than you," Santa2 argued.
"Fine, you're Old Santa and I'm Sexy Santa." He pointed to Peter. "He's Keebler. And his friend is Hula Elf."
Peter nearly squeaked at Sexy Goatee Santa all but assigning himself the name Peter had been calling him in his head the whole night. Ned, on the other hand, was beaming at his assigned nickname like a big dork. Peter shook his head at him. Though he did find the anonymity fun. Next to him, Sexy Santa was grinning that megawatt smile again.
"So, you do this Santa Crawl before?" Ned asked.
"First time," Sexy Santa answered and rested his hand on Peter's naked thigh under the table. Peter tensed up for a second, holding back a vocal reaction, but relaxed a moment later. "Actually, haven't done a proper bar crawl since -" he turned to Old Santa, "-when was the last one, Grumpy?"
Camo Santa (Peter wasn't cool calling him 'Old Santa') frowned in a way that meant this was something he dealt with often. "Five years ago? No, 2012, I think. When everything was opening up again."
"Whoa! You mean after those big alien things came through and ripped up the city?" Peter asked.
"Yeah. Around then," Camo Santa confirmed.
The conversation continued, wandering from topic to topic, with Sexy Santa's hand climbing higher and higher on Peter's leg. Peter had stopped paying full attention to the conversation about the time Sexy Santa's fingers grazed the edge of his cock through his shorts. This guy was clearly still interested. Good. Good. Peter was barely keeping up with the conversation enough to make thoughtful noises. But he had managed to ask a question or two. Until Sexy Santa squeezed his fingers around Peter's cock through his stupidly small shorts.
Ned might not have noticed Peter's sudden movement, but Camo Santa did. Peter felt his face heat. To his great relief, Camo Santa didn't call him out. Rather, Peter saw him give Sexy Santa a bit of a glare and a kick under the table.
That made Peter grin a little. Camo Santa was clearly used to Sexy Santa's shenanigans. Peter was okay again until Sexy Santa leaned in and started whispering in his ear about what he wanted to be doing instead of talking.
Peter finally turned to him and asked, "Is that why you stuck us in the middle?" with his lips against Sexy Santa's ear.
He got a smirk in response and "Go to the restroom. I'll meet you over there," hotly whispered in his ear.
It didn't matter how Sexy Santa was going to get up from the table. Peter, however, made sure he would be able to walk almost comfortably. Then he nudged Ned to let him out. At least he wasn't lying about where he was going, since he really did need to go (the other reason he was glad he convinced his dick to chill out for a bit).
He was a little worried Sexy Santa was going to walk up while he was at the urinal and that would have just been supremely weird. Thankfully, he didn't. And Peter got a chance to wash his hands before he might have another make-out with one of the hottest guys he'd ever met. Even if he didn't know the guy's actual name.
Peter stepped out of the restroom and tried not to look like he'd lost someone in the crowd. He couldn't help the smile that bent his mouth when he saw his Sexy Santa slide through the small crowd outside the restrooms, tight red leather pants really showing off the shape of his ass as he moved.
Tony had made Rhodey get up under the guise of going for another drink. Hula Elf probably bought it. Rhodey knew what was up. Tony was counting on that so Rhodey would keep Hula occupied.
Wow. The sexiest elf was smiling so bright just spotting him in the crowd as he neared the restrooms. Tony was going to have to work hard to top that.
He leaned in to dust a kiss to the corner of Keebler's mouth. "I know somewhere really nice we can go," he whispered, then started to walk.
The elf caught his arm. "Wait," he said. There was a lengthy pause as the elf closed the short distance between them. "I, um -" Was the guy nervous? Married? What? "I kind of haven't done the bar hook-up thing before," Keebler said.
"Okay. So, you want to hook-up in a crowded bar?" Tony didn't love the idea. This particular bar was better than most, but it was still a crowded, noisy, sticky because drunk people spill things, bar.
Keebler seemed to gain some confidence back. "Yes. I do. If you don't, that's fine. I can find someone else."
"Wow, jumping right to dropping me."
"Not really. I'm just telling you what I want. If you want something different, then we're not compatible. It's pretty simple."
Tony tugged Keebler up against his chest. "You are so hot. So. Where? Restroom? That alcove? In the back alley?"
"Did you miss the 'haven't done this before' thing?"
"I did not. But I did wonder if you had a preference."
Keebler shook his head. "Somewhere close," he said and pressed his hips forward. There was no mistaking that hint.
Tony paused a moment, a little bit thinking, and a lot relishing that hardness against his hip. "Come on." He looped his fingers around Keebler's wrist to guide him. He ducked down a side corridor, dark and echoing the music from the bar proper, then around a corner. Tucked into one wall was a doorway marked as a staff washroom. "Acceptable?"
Keebler nodded, tongue passing over his lips.
Tony rapped on the door with a knuckle. Then he pushed the door open, letting Keebler in ahead of him. He was hardly on the other side before the elf was on him, kissing his neck, and shoving him against the wall. The guy was really strong for his size. Shit.
He grinned and let Keebler keep working. "So, which one of us is doing the fucking? I mean, you can hold me up, so that's definitely a hot option. But that ass in those shorts is already impressive, so I can only imagine it gets better if you take them off."
The elf kissed along Tony's jaw until he found his mouth. When he let go he said, "I want you to bend me over the sink."
Where the actual fuck had that come from? Holy shit. Peter had never said anything like that to anyone before. Though, based on the smoldering way Sexy Santa was looking at him, maybe he should have.
"No way am I refusing an offer like that." Sexy Santa dipped a hand into a pocket. "I'm going to assume there isn't much room for supplies in that outfit." He held up two very important items that Peter hadn't considered in his haze. Lube and a condom.
"Good guess," Peter said back, his fingers itching to strip both of them out of their clothes.
"Anything I need to know before I absolutely ruin you?"
"Only that if you don't get there soon, I'll be really upset."
"Down boy." Sexy Santa chuckled.
Peter smirked. "I'm sorry. Bad luck from the past getting in the way."
Sexy Santa tucked a finger under Peter's chin and tilted his head up so they were looking at each other. "Your luck's changing. We're seeing this through."
Peter leaned in to kiss his Santa. He wanted to think about anything but past romantic failures. His hands brushed over the mesh shirt his Santa was wearing, then ducked beneath it to get a good feel of the skin there. He hummed softly as he felt the tight, puckered skin of a scar.
"What's that from?"
"Old injury," Santa rumbled against his lips. "Nothing to worry about." Sexy Santa pushed against Peter's hips to turn him around. "Now, let's see about fulfilling this fantasy for you."
A warm moan bubbled up from Peter's chest. He eagerly turned as directed, letting the Sexy Santa push him down over the counter by the sink. He reached back to work his shorts down, only to have his hands lightly smacked away.
"I got this," Sexy Santa chided through his teeth, obviously holding the corner of the condom wrapper.
Happy to let the man work, Peter rested his hands on the counter, waiting. He tried not to wiggle his hips too much as his shorts were stripped down to his knees. His eyes went wide when the Santa's hands squeezed the cheeks of his ass.
"This does not disappoint. In fact, I'm impressed those little shorts hid so much," Sexy Santa commented.
Peter wanted to tell him to hurry. But the second he opened his mouth to say something, he heard the opening of the condom behind him. He glanced up to the mirror which gave him a perfect reflection of the top of his Santa's head – or the hat perched on top of it – as he was concentrating on actions farther down.
Next, he heard the lube cap open. His skin was tingling in anticipation. Here they were. So close he could taste it.
"You've done the sex part before, right?"
"Uh, yeah?" Peter replied. "A few times, yeah." Not as many as he might have liked, but it wasn't completely unknown.
"Good. Ready?"
"Very." So ready. More than ready. He arched his back and relaxed his muscles as much as possible in this position. He couldn't remember the last time he was this needy. He didn't even mind the slight chill of the lube on his skin. As long as Sexy Santa was going to finish what he started, Peter could tolerate most anything.
When the Sexy Santa brushed a thumb across Peter's hole, Peter definitely couldn't hold back the half-needy moan. He could hear Santa grinning when he said, "Don't hold back. You're allowed to make noise and enjoy yourself."
Peter didn't instantly start making noise. He did relax a bit more in anticipation of getting what he wanted. Every inch of his skin felt like it was on fire while he was waiting. And it seemed his Sexy Santa was a huge tease. Fingers gripped at Peter's ass appreciatively. Then he felt Sexy Santa's cock brushing against him.
When he whimpered softly, his Santa chuckled. "Patience, Keebler. I'll give it to you. You're just so damned pretty."
Peter groaned again. It was getting harder to resist reaching down to touch himself. That fight he'd aim to win so he could hold out as long as possible. He definitely didn't want to come before they'd even gotten started. He was going to half-whine the man's name, until he remembered they hadn't ever exchanged names. He groaned at how fucking hot that was.
This elf was amazing. Every time Tony touched him, he reacted. So far, all positive. Which was a bonus. He seemed to love everything.
Tony could not get over how perfect Keebler's ass was. He'd already complimented it a couple times, so he'd refrain to not seem obsessed. Besides, he'd delayed about as long as he could without just being plain evil.
He'd put the condom on a few minutes ago, now he coated his cock with lube, and lined up with Keebler's perfect ass. One more gentle squeeze of those lucious cheeks, then he pressed forward – slowly. Keebler gasped, fingers gripping at the counter, but leaned back slightly, like he was seeking more and more of Tony's cock. Clearly eager to be filled and fucked.
Tony was more than happy to oblige. Still taking his time, he pushed forward. Easing himself into the tight heat presented to him. "Still perfect. How much do you workout?" he breathed.
"Enough," Keebler answered.
"Clearly. Fuck."
He exhaled slowly as he sank all the way in. Taking a moment just to relish the feel of the elf's ass around his cock. The cheeky little elf wriggled his hips in encouragement.
"For that, I should make you wait," Tony told Keebler, who whimpered needily in reply. "But, since you added that, I'll take mercy on you."
Fingers curled around those slender hips, Tony drew back, letting his cock slide almost completely free of the elf's ass, before pushing back in, nice and smooth. He repeated that slow pattern for several more strokes. It felt awesome. Already, he could say this was one of the best bar hook-ups he'd ever had. And he'd had a lot of them.
With his cock fully seated inside this sexy, half-naked elf, Tony glanced to the mirror. He groaned at the sight of Keebler's lips gently parted, and his eyes closed beneath his mask. Perfect.
"Ready?" he asked Keebler in the mirror, who nodded shakily without opening his eyes.
This time when Tony pulled his hips back, he didn't wait before slamming them forward again. That set his pace and he kept going. Fucking the elf's perfect ass, hard and fast. Encouraged by all of the sexy sounds his little elf was breathing into the counter.
It was amazing how well Keebler here was taking it. His legs seemed nearly planted to the floor. And Tony could see the corded muscle in the younger man's arms as they held to the counter.
Focusing his attention, Tony heard the sexy elf whispering needy pleas for him to keep going and not stop. He wished those were all louder. Maybe he could make Keebler scream by the end.
Rocking his hips, he fucked his elf; his own cock sliding easily into the tight heat. It really was incredible. He gripped at the elf's hips as he continued driving into him, unconcerned about any potential bruises.
Then Tony leaned forward, planting one hand on the counter next to Keebler's. With his other hand, he reached around to stroke the elf's cock. It was hard and just above average length. Perfect, just like everything else about him.
Keebler croaked out a groan and started rocking his hips against Tony's hand. Beautiful. Tony whispered quiet, dirty words into the elf's hair, encouraging him to come. He couldn't wait to feel this body squeeze around him.
He didn't have to stroke long to get what he was after. Keebler thrust his hips down one more time, then, with a loud, pleased groan, spilled across Tony's fingers. And, exactly as expected, those delicious muscle spasms gripped his cock to pull him over the edge right behind.
Tony dropped his forehead to rest on Keebler's shoulder, panting lightly. He hadn't had sex that good in years.
Confirmed by the "Okay, definitely doing that again," from his partner bent over the sink.
Though, he couldn't resist: "Fucking me or doing someone in a bar bathroom."
"Technically," the elf panted, "both. But I meant you. Shit."
Tony chuckled. Yeah, he was gonna do this again too. One more deep breath, then he pulled back, letting his cock slip free. The condom was disposed of swiftly, then he washed his hands while Keebler straightened his own clothes.
"So, is this where we give up on anonymity and share names?" the elf asked.
Tony smiled. "I dunno. I'm digging 'Sexy Santa' right now." He finished straightening his clothes and made sure his hat was back in place.
Keebler shrugged. "I mean, sure. If you wanna keep doing the anonymous hook-ups. But the Santa Crawl isn't a daily event. Which would mean I'll see your face eventually or we'll have to meet up at gloryholes."
That made Tony laugh. "I like you. I even like you enough to tell you who I am." No fanfare, no slow reveal, he just removed the recently straightened Santa hat, then the mask.
"Holy shit!" Keebler shouted without thinking. Tony could only grin in reply. "I knew you sounded familiar. Fuck. But, dude, if you don't want me to tell, I won't. Maybe my friends – the ones you probably saw me with – but that's only because they'll hound me."
None of that really mattered to him. He was sure people lied about fucking him all the time. But, he lifted his eyebrows expectantly. Keebler here had missed a social step.
"Oh! Right. Sorry." Keebler lifted his mask off, letting his brown curls flop down into his face. Then he put out a hand to shake. "I'm Peter."
Okay, he could meet the handshake. He'd already touched other parts of this enthusiastic young man's body. A hand was nothing. "Nice to meet you. And you don't have to keep this a secret if you don't want. But, I would like to know how exactly you dented the damned faux marble like that." He'd noticed a set of indentations when he'd planted his hand next to Peter's on the counter.
Peter looked at the counter as though he had no idea what Tony was talking about.
His heart hadn't even calmed down from the realization that he'd just had anonymous, public bathroom sex with Tony Stark. And now he was going to have to explain why he could break stone. He took a deep breath.
"Right," he said on an exhale. He was going to have to put some boundaries on this. "Because you're Iron Man, I'll tell you. But, please don't tell anyone. Because, man, people can't know. Too many other people would be in danger." He set his shoulders and said, confidently, "I'm Spider-Man."
Tony tipped his head slightly. "So you're Peter Parker, then?"
Peter frowned. "Yeah. But, if you already..."
"I knew Peter Parker was Spider-Man. Didn't know you were Parker."
Still confused, Peter asked, "How did you know I was Spider-Man? I've told exactly two people."
Holding his mask up near his face, Tony answered, "Look who you're talking to, Peter Benjamin Parker of Queens, son of Richard Laurence and Mary Teresa Parker, currently living with his Aunt Maybelle Parker, widow of his paternal Uncle Benjamin Franklin Parker. I miss anything?"
"My high school report card," Peter added sarcastically. He wasn't sure if he should be impressed or terrified. That was a lot of information to rattle off out of nowhere. It was public record, but why the hell would Tony Stark need to dig any of that up?
Tony shook his head and lowered the mask. "Nah, that's in here too. I didn't want to show off. How'd you get a B in Calculus?"
"Missed too many classes. Why do you have my report card?"
"Missed class just to miss? Hate Calculus?" Tony fired back, ignoring Peter's question.
"Spider-Man stuff. I mean, I kinda hate Calculus, but missed class for Spider-Man. Is this relevant to the sex thing?"
"No, it's just interesting. Kinda surprised you haven't tried to join the Avengers."
Peter pressed his lips together. "Didn't know there was an opening." Of course he wanted to join the Avengers! He'd been watching them since he was a kid. Back then, he figured he might be able to help out building or designing gear for the team. But now, he was a superhero on his own, so he could help that way if they wanted him.
"It's not really a formal process. If we find hero types, we invite them in if they wanna team up. I've seen your work. I can run it by the group if you're interested."
Peter felt his eyes go wide even as he was trying to play it cool and act nonchalant. Like this was no big deal. He immediately failed to do any of that. "Yes! Oh my god. Yes – yes – of course I'm interested. I mean, I may be unavailable for some things because I still have classes and labs, but yeah. Yes. Definitely!"
Tony nodded, quiet a moment. "Who am I kidding. I don't have to run shit past anyone. You're in. But, if we call, you'd better be ready. Class or not."
"I'll try. But yes. Thank you. Wow. I can't…" he just stopped talking because this was almost too much. How did he end up fucking Iron Man and joining the Avengers on the same day?
After a moment, Tony spoke up, "I still want to take you someplace nicer than this and fuck the shit out of you all night. More now that I know you're goddamned Spider-Man. Can't believe you made me chase you."
Hands spread in a 'what the fuck' gesture. Peter responded, "Dude. If I'd known it was Iron Man wanting me, I wouldn't have. Though, it was kinda fun. Not the part where I thought you'd ditched me, but the rest was great."
"Come here," Tony tugged him close and pressed their mouths together. Peter all but purred. The man could kiss. And he could kiss for a really long time.
As much as Peter didn't want it to end, he drew out of the kiss slowly, tongue passing over his lips. "Mmm. We should go back to our friends."
Tony grunted. "Honeybear's used to me disappearing."
"Ned's not." At Tony's frown, Peter added, "Hula Elf."
"Right. Okay. Fine. Anonymity on or off?"
"On. Or you'll get mobbed." Peter tugged his mask back into place. Apparently in agreement, Tony did the same. Then plopped his Santa hat back on his head. Now that he had the opportunity for it, Peter gave his Sexy Santa a good solid look. "Wow. Those pants make your ass look amazing."
Tony frowned over his shoulder. "My ass was already amazing."
Peter smirked. He couldn't argue with that.
"Okay," Tony said, standing by the door, "we go back out, have a few drinks, then I vote we skip the rest of the crawl and go back to my place."
"Add dinner and you've got a deal. I'm starving."
"Done. Let's go give our friends the bad news."