Chapter Text
September, 1971
Regulus had never really been on his own before. Not truly. Sirius was born a year and a half before him, and Regulus had grown up with his presence being a constant.
Regulus had been kept away from others all his life, but he had never been lonely. His brother had been more than enough company to make up for their isolation from other children. He never felt as though he was missing something until his only regular companion was gone.
Loneliness was a new constant after his brother left.
Outside of his lessons, meals or the rare family event, Regulus spent all of his time alone. Free time became rather dull. He had far too much of it, and a shortage of ways to pass the time. He longed for the company of his brother or his cousin, but both were off at Hogwarts.
The others in Grimmauld Place were poor company. Most days passed without Regulus saying a word to another living being. When his mother or the governess spoke to him, they would typically only be giving him an order or a correction. Those conversations did little to help his loneliness.
He tried to keep in touch with his brother and his cousin. Two days after his brother left for Hogwarts, Regulus wrote up a few letters to send to Sirius and Narcissa. But once he was ready to mail them, he discovered that the household owlery was magically sealed.
Regulus found his mother writing at a table in the family archives. He inspected her from the doorway before he approached to get a sense of her mood. She was working in an open space instead of her office, which meant she would likely be less hostile if he interrupted. And her body language did not suggest she was in a mood.
Regulus rapped his knuckles on the wooden door to get her attention. There was a brass knocker in the center of the eloquently designed door, but it was hardly ever used.
His mother straightened her back primly as she lifted her piercing gaze to him. Her eyes were sharp, but she gestured him over with a hand.
Regulus approached his mother and paused before where she was seated. He fixed his posture and linked his arms behind his back. He waited for her to speak first.
"What is it, Regulus?"
"May I send some letters?" Regulus asked. "The owlery is sealed."
She did not respond immediately. Her expression suggested she was not surprised by his request. She must have cast the enchantments guarding the owlery entrance and been waiting for him to ask about it.
"You will not be having any correspondence with your brother." His mother informed him.
Regulus stared at her blankly for a brief moment. That was surprising, but he knew better than to question her orders.
"Yes, ma'am." He agreed.
"You may leave the messages you wish to mail with Kreacher." She continued. "He will handle all incoming and outgoing written communication from here on. And I will be informed if you defy my orders."
Regulus nodded numbly. He would not be able to communicate with Sirius.
"Have you forgotten your manners?" His mother's voice had a warning edge to it. "Answer when you are spoken to."
"Thank you." He replied quickly.
He should not have made such a foolish mistake. She may penalize him if gave her reason to critique his behaviour, then he may not be able to write to Narcissa either. Thankfully, his mother was merciful at that time and did not dole out any consequence for his slip. But she did not dismiss him either.
She placed down the parchment she had been writing on when he entered and eyed him over with a scrutinizing gaze. She clasped her hands tightly.
"You should know that your brother has failed to be sorted into the correct house." His mother explained. "You are expected to uphold family traditions at your future place of education. One of these traditions pertains to our family being sorted into Slytherin. The founder of this house shared our sacred views of protecting the sanctity and purity of magical bloodlines. Every Black ought to settle in Slytherin, along with those from the sacred twenty-eight families. That is the proper community we expect our offspring to engage with."
Regulus held his breath as he listened to his mother. He could not believe Sirius had not been sorted into Slytherin. It seemed to be the house that all of their family members received. He had never considered the possibility that either of them could be sorted elsewhere.
His mother's eyes were narrowed. "It is dishonourable to break from convention and it will leave our family open to ridicule. The alternatives are riddled with tainted blood and deviant beliefs which threaten the magical world. Any pureblood wizard associating with such filth is shameful, and it tarnishes the purity we strive toward. Do you understand?"
"Yes, ma’am."
"You will be sorted into Slytherin." She concluded. Her tone left no room for disagreeing.
"Yes, ma'am." He repeated a second time.
Regulus desperately hoped he would be sorted into Slytherin. Sirius failing to do so made him nervous. He did not want to let his family down or face the consequences of failing.
"You are dismissed." His mother said after a pause. "Do not take advantage of your mailing privileges or you will lose them."
Regulus did not try to write to his brother after his mother spoke with him. But eventually, Sirius wrote to him.
Regulus had been eager to hear back from Narcissa and became a frequent visitor to the entrance of the owlery. One afternoon, he noticed Sirius’ owl was trapped in a cage near one end of the room. He knew the owl had gone with Sirius to Hogwarts, and must have delivered a letter. He peered around frantically.
Near the trapped owl, Regulus spotted a few letters dropped on a window ledge. One of them had 'Reg' scrawled across in neat cursive lettering. Only Sirius had ever called him Reg, and he recognized his brother's handwriting immediately.
Regulus knew his mother was not going to let him have the letter. He should have simply left. But he couldn't help himself from standing there and gazing at his brother’s writing. He had not realized how much he longed to hear from Sirius until the words were only meters away and sealed off from his reach.
His mother found him standing by the entrance. She quickly pieced together what he was staring at when she noticed the trapped owl.
She turned to him with a hard look on her face and a sharp tone. "There is no reason for you to be here."
"Please, may I read it?" Regulus asked meekly. "I will not write back."
"Do not test my patience, Regulus." His mother's eyes blazed with anger. "Your brother has conducted himself in a dishonourable manner. You will not be in contact with him until he has amended his ways."
There was no point in arguing. Any further disobedience would only earn him consequences. He was not getting the letter.
Regulus squirmed in his frustration. He bit down on his lip as he inhaled sharply, but his attempts to keep his composure were in vain. His eyes filled with tears against his will.
"Cease that this instant, Regulus." She made an infuriated noise in her throat. "This behaviour is unacceptable."
Regulus sniffed sharply and rubbed his eyes with his right hand.
His voice shook. "I am sorry."
"This is your last warning." She snapped. "I will not listen to this childish nonsense. A ten-year-old ought to know better."
His mother fixed him with a scathing glare as he struggled to compose himself. The longer he failed to hide all signs of his tears, the more vicious her gaze became. When he sniffed once more, his mother gritted her teeth and reached for her wand.
"Silencio."
Regulus was not able to speak for three days.
At first, he thought she had left the charm hanging over him intentionally. But eventually, he realized she had simply forgotten he was silenced. No one had asked him any questions over the three days, so the effects went unnoticed.
His mother ordered him to ready himself for bed on the evening of his third silent day. He obediently closed the book he was reading and rose to his feet to head upstairs. But his mother’s eyes squinted with irritation.
"What have you been told about answering when you are spoken to?" She hissed at him.
Regulus stared over with a horrified expression. He did not know how to answer her without having the ability to speak. He nodded weakly.
"Regulus." She sounded more shocked than angry. "What has gotten into you? I cannot… oh."
Her face cleared as the realization seemed to dawn on her.
She reached for her wand. "Sonorus."
Regulus exhaled in relief as a weight lifted in his throat. The airway felt open once more.
His mother cast him a stern look afterward. "What do you say, Regulus?"
Words felt oddly challenging to produce after his throat had been woven closed for days. His tongue felt alien in his mouth as he tried to speak for the first time.
Regulus got out a weak response. "Thank you."
"You are far too old to cry." His mother reminded him with a sharp tone. "There will be no more tolerance for weakness in this family line."
"Yes ma’am."
*****
October, 1971
It was odd being the only child in the household.
Regulus had been accustomed to being second to Sirius in their family and every social circle growing up. But once his older brother was gone, all eyes were suddenly on him. The governess began to notice all of his mistakes, visitors would direct questions at him, and his mother spent more time lecturing him. He was given more attention than he had ever received before.
But his father did not treat him any differently in his brother's absence.
As far back as he could remember, Regulus had never gotten much from his father, other than eyes that gazed right through him and long stretches of silence. Before his brother left, Regulus had tried to not let his father's indifference toward his younger son bother him. Regulus understood that Sirius was their heir and that his father needed to mentor him. That was the way things were in their family, and Regulus was not to question the way things were.
His parents had typically spent most of their time and energy on Sirius, who tended to be quite a handful in their household. But once his brother was gone, Regulus hoped his father would take more notice of his younger son. While his mother had shifted her attention over to Regulus, his father had not redirected any of the time and energy he spent on Sirius. Instead, his father acted as though he no longer had any sons in the house.
One Sunday afternoon, Regulus came across a rare sight. His father was seated at a work desk in the family library.
Regulus typically only saw his father during meals and children were rarely allowed to speak at the dinner table. His parents may chat occasionally at meals, but Regulus ate in complete silence. Occasionally, his mother would bring Regulus into the conversation, but his father had never done so. Outside of mealtimes, Regulus hardly ever caught a glimpse of his father.
But on that day, his father was not locked in his office or away on business, and instead was seated in the family library that Regulus was allowed to enter.
A spurt of willfulness came over Regulus as he decided he would try to speak with his father.
He approached the table slowly. He hoped his presence would be noticed quickly and he would not need to say anything. But his father's eyes remained on the ministry documents he had been scanning.
Regulus paused a few meters away. He swayed on his feet with nervous energy. Perhaps his father would be cross if Regulus interrupted his work. Regulus had seen him lose his temper with Sirius on many occasions over the years, and did not want to risk being on the receiving end of his father’s anger.
He decided to wait for his father to complete reading through the ministry form. Regulus took a seat at a neighbouring table to wait. He peered over at his father. No reaction.
Regulus sat at the table silently for nearly half an hour without his father so much as glancing up before he gave up waiting. He stood up cautiously and walked forward till he was standing in front of his father's desk.
Regulus hesitated for a few seconds. It would have been easier if his presence alone would draw attention to himself. But his father remained focused on writing notes into the margins of a piece of parchment, and did not glance over.
Regulus spoke up softly. "Excuse me."
His father's lips pursed with annoyance but his eyes remained on his sheet.
Regulus was baffled by the reaction. He was not sure if he should leave or wait. His father knew he was there now, and he probably should not leave without being dismissed.
After a few minutes, his father finally sat back. He peered through his reading spectacles at Regulus with an exasperated expression all over his face. He raised his eyebrows while jerking his chin back and forth.
"This better be good." His father snarled. His words were laced with anger.
Regulus faltered at the angry tone. He forgot what his plan was in the first place. He hadn't really imagined the conversation past the first words, as he could not remember the last time his father had addressed him directly. So he just stood there frozen in place, dumbfounded by his lack of preparation and the fury in his father’s eyes.
"You had the nerve to interrupt me from my work for this?" His father's eyes flashed with disgust. "Do not waste my time."
Regulus’ head throbbed. His vision blurred and he could feel the tears threatening to emerge. His father had spotted Regulus' reaction before he was able to hide it.
His father’s eyes narrowed venomously. "If you start with that rubbish, you will be receiving a reason to be crying."
Regulus feverishly tried to stop the tears in their tracks. He maintained eye contact with his father as he blinked rapidly.
"Do not address an adult unless you are first spoken to." His father commanded. "And do not enter a space I am working in without permission. Get out."
Regulus exited the library without a word.
****
November, 1971
The days were long and dull at Grimmauld Place.
Regulus was constantly trying to find new ways to distract himself during his free time. At his cousin’s suggestion, Regulus started a collection of leaves to dry out between the pages of heavy tomes. He also started spending a few hours at the lake on weekends if his parents didn't require his presence for any visitors. And he reread every book in the household library that he wasn't already sick and tired of.
His broomstick was fun for a while, but he quickly began to overuse it. One week, he spent so much time flying around the field behind their house, that he developed nasty blisters on his legs. He was too ashamed to tell his mother about the wounds, and a bit worried she would confiscate his broomstick, so he was unable to see the healer.
Regulus had to take a break from using his broomstick for a few days afterward. He spent the next afternoon in the library instead, completing schoolwork assigned by the governess.
At one point, Kreacher delivered a new letter from Narcissa.
"Thank you, Kreacher." Regulus said politely.
Kreacher bobbed his head in response. "Young Master."
Oddly enough, Kreacher had been the warmest company in the household lately. Regulus had never truly had any issue with the house elf, but Sirius had loathed Kreacher. So Regulus had kept his distance from the house elf when his brother was around. Ever since his brother had left, he had found himself speaking with the elf more often and regretted ignoring Kreacher for so long. The house elf was quite kind and helpful if he was treated with respect. Sirius had never shown the elf a shred of kindness, so it was not a surprise that the elf was cruel to him.
Regulus opened his cousin's new letter as Kreacher exited the library.
_
Regulus,
I appreciate your agreement that my opinion was correct, even if I did not doubt it for a second. But I do have good news! Since I last wrote, I have spoken with the halfblood roommate and we have come to an agreement to keep things civil. So, things are better now. I have found sharing a room with four other students means there is a lot of compromising. I am not a fan of it! I do miss my room at home.
I hope your lessons have been improving. It is odd that the governess is giving you such a hard time over wandless magical theories. That is very advanced magic. They can hardly expect you to understand it when you do not even have your wand yet.
There was another thing I hoped to get your advice on. I may have opened one of the letters we spoke about. It was a questionable decision, but I know you won't judge me or tell anyone. I am not going to reply to her, I only wanted to see what she wrote about. All it had was a bunch of questions asking after what I have been up to and topics she speaks about with Sirius. He must have written to her again after his birthday, so I am guessing he has an owl again. Also, there was not a single mention of Bellatrix in the letter. I feel real lousy about opening it, but now I am tempted to open the others. I wanted to get your thoughts.
Regards,
Narcissa Black
_
Regulus stared at the letter till the words danced around the parchment.
He didn't see any issue with Narcissa reading Andromeda's letters. He knew she had been wanting to do so for a long time, and it wasn't harmful that she opened it if she didn't respond. But hearing his brother had contacted Andromeda recently bothered him.
Regulus had never before not been able to speak with Sirius every day. But for months now, he had no idea how his brother was doing. Narcissa’s responses to his questions had been the only way Regulus gained any insight into how Hogwarts had been for Sirius so far. She told him that Sirius was in Gryffindor, seemed cheerful and was making friends with ease.
But Regulus got the sense that something was amiss. Sirius never tried to write to him again after the first time, and Regulus wondered if his brother was upset with him for not responding.
Before Narcissa’s letter, he thought perhaps Sirius was not writing as he did not have an owl. Regulus had seen his mother confiscate Sirius' owl after it delivered the first letter. But if his brother wrote to Andromeda recently, he must have gotten his hands on another owl. He simply was not writing to Regulus.
The realization bothered him.
Regulus closed his books and tucked his cousin's letter away to respond at a later time. He needed a distraction then, to distract him away from thoughts of Sirius not writing anymore, and Sirius with his new friends.
With his limited options for time-wasting activities, Regulus made an unwise decision. He walked over to the neighbouring muggle town.
He had visited the town before with his older brother. Regulus had always been uncomfortable with Sirius' fascination with muggles and their cities. Especially since he knew how much his parents would disapprove of visiting muggle-infested areas. But Regulus never wanted to disappoint his brother, so he agreed to go a few times.
But now, Regulus had gone on his own.
He was already second-guessing his decision as he approached the first store, but something drove him to enter anyway. His boredom seemed to be eating away at his common sense. Inside, Regulus browsed the muggle magazines nervously. His mother would be livid if she knew what he was looking at. His attention was drawn over to the front of the shop, where he noticed that the muggle owner was watching him with a suspicious glint in her eyes. His heartbeat was loud in his ears as he averted his gaze from hers.
Regulus slowly backed away toward the exit as his face flushed. He regretted ever entering the shop. He did not belong, and the muggles knew he was an outsider.
Before he could reach the glass door leading out onto the street, a tall man in a trench coat stepped between him and the door.
The man was casting Regulus a crooked smirk.
"You ain't no muggle, love." His voice was bright and cheery. "Are ya?"
All words fled from Regulus’ mind as he gazed up at the tall fellow. He did not know what he ought to do in that situation.
"Don't get all shook up, young’un." The man guffawed loudly. "You're all dressed up like a wee wizard lad, but they don't know the difference."
Regulus whirled his head back and forth. He hoped no one was overhearing the conversation. A few muggles were glancing over, but none seemed to be close enough to be within earshot.
"I am dressed like a wizard?" Regulus whispered.
He hadn't put much thought into his outfit. He wore similar clothing every day, and he had simply pulled his coat over top before walking over. The coat was a bit formal compared to the outfits around the shop, but he had not realized it was that obvious.
"Magical folk tend to have a bit more flair." The man winked. "You look like a wizard’s offspring through and through. Don't stress! I won't tell a soul."
Regulus tilted his head. "Are you a wizard?"
"Yes sire." He laughed loudly. "If you could believe that. My mother’s side ain't got a flick of magic to them, but wizards go far back up the other’s. You're from a wizard family, I wager?"
"Yes." Regulus replied warily.
His mother would not be pleased that he was speaking to a halfblood. But nor would she be thrilled that he was at a muggle shop to begin with, so he was too deep into his rebellion to back away then.
The tall man had launched his hands into his pockets. He gazed down at Regulus with a friendly expression. "What's your name, Sonny?"
"Regulus Black." He admitted.
The stranger retracted immediately. His bright expression bled away from his face and was quickly replaced by a set jaw and cold eyes. His shoulders tensed as his hands came out of his pockets, both rolled into fists.
"Black?" He muttered. The man spat on the floor at Regulus' feet. "Scum."
Regulus was too baffled to move as the man whirled to exit the shop without glancing back. He remained frozen where he stood as the man retreated down the road at a rapid pace, until he had completely vanished from sight.
Only then did Regulus move.
Regulus fled from the shop and made a beeline for the forest path. He sprinted through the trees until he was back in his family’s neighbourhood. Only once he was safe in his room did he realize he was shaking like a leaf.
He promised himself he would never again set foot in that accursed muggle town.
****
December, 1971
His father's words were slurring. It would have been nearly impossible to notice for anyone who did not hear how he regularly talked. But Regulus could hear it. In the slight extension of each word’s last syllable, which was quickly followed up with the next word.
Standing across from his father was his mother. She was flushed with anger as she glared over at her husband. Her back was to the staircase where Regulus was standing.
Neither had seemed to notice his presence when they emerged from the library to continue their heated argument in the corridors. Regulus had frozen in place on the staircase, a few steps beneath the landing.
"It is shameful." His mother hissed. "I cannot suffer any more whispers among the twenty-eight of the state of our family."
"You are blowing it all out of proportion." His father tried to step past her. "I do not have time to entertain this right now."
She blocked his path with an arm. "Enough with this incorrigible habit, Orion. It is beneath your station."
His father's face went white in anger. He stepped up closer to her until their faces were centimetres apart. His mother did not back away.
"How dare you shame me?" He snapped.
"How dare I?" Her voice was equally aggravated. "You disappear into your trances and leave it to me to handle our family affairs. How dare you rebuke me, when I have been the only one keeping this family intact when you fail in your duties?"
"I will not suffer insults from you!" His father was shouting.
Regulus felt sick to his stomach, but his fear kept him motionless.
His mother's face had crinkled in disgust. "I will not stand by as our ancestors' legacy is tarnished by your incompetence."
"You are not the head of this household." He spat in return. "Learn your place."
His father shoved his way past her arm and stormed into his office. The door slammed shut behind him. Regulus watched as his mother stood there, staring at the closed office door, in the aftermath of the bickering. For a fleeting moment, her posture slumped and a helpless expression was visible across her features.
When she turned, her eyes instantly met his.
Regulus dropped his gaze sheepishly, but he had already seen the defeat written all over his mother's face and body language.
She quickly regained her composure. She spoke to him sternly. "You should be in your lessons."
Regulus nodded mutely.
His mother turned to head back toward her own office. She walked off with a strained posture and her chin held up in the air.
That night, Regulus waited up until he heard the grandfather clock ring out at midnight. He climbed out of his bed quietly and snuck down the darkened staircase to his father's office. He knew where his father kept the spirits. And he knew that his father did not bother to secure the bottles, as he was too confident in his unquestioned authority within the household.
Regulus carried every bottle he could find into the bathroom by the dining hall. One by one, he broke the seals and slowly emptied the bottles fully into the bathtub drain.
When he was working through the last three, he glanced up to see Kreacher watching him silently at the bathroom entrance. Regulus did not care. He turned back to his task and continued dumping the liquid out.
The house elf had vanished by the time Regulus completed the task. He dumped the empty bottles into the waste basket before he returned to his bedroom.
Regulus was dreading facing his parents the next morning. He was sure Kreacher would tell his mother what he had seen. The house elf was very loyal to her. And he was sure his father would piece together what he had done once he was awake. Regulus had never done anything as defiant before and did not know how his parents would react.
Only his mother was present when Regulus arrived at the dining hall. She was seated in her usual chair as she gazed over at him. Her face did not give much away.
"Take your seat, Regulus." She ordered.
Regulus took his seat.
His mother did not speak as they waited for his father to arrive. He was later than usual. Once he finally entered the hall, Kreacher served breakfast.
Regulus tried to force himself to eat his breakfast, but it was hard to ignore his nerves and confusion. He did not understand why neither parent reacted to what he had done. He was not naïve enough to believe it went unnoticed.
Halfway through the breakfast period, his father cast his mother a severe look. "It would be expected that you would have some respect for my personal belongings."
"This is not a conversation for the breakfast table, Orion." She chided him without skipping a beat. "We will confer afterward."
Regulus gawked over at his mother in disbelief. Regulus was starting to piece together why his father had not reacted to the crime. He was evidently blaming it on his wife. But Regulus did not understand why his mother was accepting the blame. Surely, Kreacher had informed her of his actions the night before.
They all finished the meal in silence.
As soon as he cleared his dish, his father hastily left the dining hall without another word. Regulus was left alone with his mother.
"You are dismissed." She informed him.
"Mother," Regulus spoke up timidly. "I need to confess that I..."
"Regulus." She cut him off with a sharp tone. "There is nothing to discuss."
Regulus flushed as he came to a realization.
His mother clearly knew what he had done, but she was not upset with him. He had not thought it possible for his mother to excuse misbehaviour. And yet, she was not allowing him to face consequences for acting out in her defence.
"Your governess is waiting." She reminded him. "Go attend your lessons."
"Yes, ma'am."
It dawned on him that he may have been on the same side as his mother for once, and that she had appreciated his attempts to help her.
Maybe he was not the only one who felt alone in their household.