Chapter Text
It was raining. Our clothes were drenched and I could feel the cold penetrating my very bones. Hak knocked on the door to an inn and I couldn't wait to get to a dry space and get warmer. Our travels had been uneventful and nature had been clement. Well, until now.
"A place to stay?", the man wondered aloud.
"The cheapest room you have for eight people to stay overnight"
"..Hm. I'm vacant. That will be one for 600 rin", the man offered and we finally sighed, reassured to have a place to stay tonight.
"Thank you", Yoon spoke out.
"The lush, green land of the Water Tribe... It's too bad. I was looking forward to seeing it, but all I see is rain", Yona said as she stared out the window. The men in the place were all changing out of their clothes.
"The land of water drenched in rain is rather elegant and beautiful, too", Jae-Ha commented.
"Shisen. It's a prominent port town in the Water Tribe, too, right?", Hak asked.
"Yeah", Yoon answered. "After we went to the market, I heard a few rumors. It seems there's been some unrest on the coasts of the Water Tribe"
"I heard the people of the Water Tribe were temperate", Yona shared. "I can't imagine there being unrest"
"There are a lot of outsiders who go in and out of port towns", Jae-Ha added. "It's only common for there to be a few disputes"
"Anyway, it's this rain", Yoon let out. "We probably won't be able to move any further, so let's get some rest"
"...by the way... Lone and I also want to take off our drenched clothes, so get out for just a bit", Yona said and Jae-Ha seemed to be prepared to stay.
"Jae-Ha, you too...", Hak ordered, pulling on his ponytail.
When the door closed finally behind the boys, I sighed, feeling as if I finally had a break. After all this walking and the stress from the last few days, I couldn't stop thinking and thinking. Except, with chatting people surrounding us all the time, I couldn't think as much as I wanted to. But the silence between Yona and I as we changed became practically unbearable as the time stretched. So I was glad when she walked towards the doors when we were both done and she opened them.
"I thought it would be fun if we went together", I heard from Jae-Ha, which made me raise my head in their direction.
"Where are you going?", Yona asked.
"A shop with girls", Jae-Ha answered and I felt my blood freeze. I turned away, trying to ignore the rest of the conversation.
"Bastard!", Hak called.
"...See you later", Yona timidly bid.
"I'm not going", Hak only said and I kind of wished that it had been Jae-Ha who had said those words. But, as I slid down against the wall, hitting the ground at last, I realized I had no place to think about whatever he would be doing and hating him for it.
"Really?", Yona's voice came out.
"Then, I'll go take a stroll by myself", Jae-Ha said and before turning away on his heel, spared me a look. A smileless look. I only took my attention away as I focused on a random point on the wall opposite me. As long as I wasn't looking at him as he left.
"Jae-Ha!", Yona called, loudly. "Be careful!"
And yet, I couldn't help but let my heart ache as he left the building. I stood up then and went to stand near the window. I looked down toward the street directly as his green head appeared and then disappeared away in the rain. I hated how I felt. I hated that he decided to get out those doors only to go get other women's comfort. I hated that I felt like a nail was trapped inside my heart. I hated him for making me feel that way.
A few minutes passed before everyone was in the room, seated anywhere or standing. I unsheathed my blade a while ago and have been swinging around aimlessly. My gaze on a distant point in front of me, trying to fix through the wall was enough for my concentration to go flawless. Otherwise, any other trick and I knew I might lose myself in undesired thoughts. Again. I might have started to see black dots forming in my vision from staring too long at something. I might have even closed my eyes at some point as I swung my sword around. Anybody in this room should be smart enough not to approach me in this very moment. And so I used this knowledge as I moved in my spot, as if keeping a circle of my moves, perfectly knowing I would not hit anyone.
Maybe it's anger that's pushing me to act like this. Anger at me, at anyone that exists. I wouldn't know, not when I'm trying to forget. And just when I think they might all come rushing back to my mind, I swing faster, hit harder. Imagine there's an enemy in front of me, all around me. Imagine His dearest Majesty encircling me. I imagine anything else, everything else except his green head and what he might be doing in this very instant. I knew I closed my eyes even harder and I could feel the emotions becoming more intense as the seconds passed. And I might, at some point, not be able to make the difference between what was real and what was not. I couldn't remember who was sitting in the room with me, couldn't remember what I was angry for. And maybe this is what I wanted. And I enjoyed it. Could feel myself smiling. Could almost hear myself giggling. I did not open my eyes and I kept swinging my sword around, a distraction amongst so many in this very moment.
And something too good, a freeing distraction only could make me feel like crap, make me feel as if I were failing again. I kept pushing everything away and my problems were just getting bigger and bigger, taking much more space as I erased one, ignored it. And I could feel my eyelids filling with water, with tears. And when I finally opened my eyes, they fell. They dropped on my cheeks and tumbled down until they raced down my neck or fell to the ground. Until I heard a voice and my spinning stopped. The blade was pointed toward a throat I knew too well. And when I realized who was standing at the tip of my sword, I retracted it. Yona's expression was nothing sort of scared, as if she somehow knew she shouldn't be scared. Not ever. Her eyes told me enough to know she didn't care.
"I'm sorry", I whispered out, my voice almost shaking. Behind her, a shadow of Hak was standing, a black aura surrounding him, as if he were ready to unleash his anger on me. His impatience. I backed away until I hit the wall near the window and slid down to the ground, hugging my knees to my chest. What was happening to me?
"Ki-Ja, Shin-Ha and Zeno tell me Jae-Ha's presence feels more and more strange", she finally let out and I raised my head in alarm. And I slowly realized what that meant. I was up on my feet in an instant.
"Where is he?", I asked, walking to the door.
"He said he was headed to the Red-Light District", Hak said, the anger still not seeped out of his tone. Of course. I should have known that was where he would go. When I finally passed the doors, Ki-Ja ran up to me in a matter of seconds.
"You need to calm down ; we don't know what is going on!"
"Just lead the way. Show me where his presence leads", I said and he pursed his lips before deciding to listen to me.
Everything felt wrong in his head. Everything felt like it was a blur, like it hurt and dulled his pain at the same time. He would not stop hurting this way much time sooner, that he knew. He was internally screaming and maybe, he tried to convince himself, taking the drug-filled liquor was not a good idea.
Flashes of undesired memories came back to his mind, making his suffering a thousand times worse. And yet, while his body lay on the ground, he could only feel cold, cold, cold... The pain, the sadness, the shame, all of it dulled by the drug. And yet, he was cold and cold and cold. And things he didn't want to remember kept bringing him back to reality.
Huh...? What's with my life flashing before my eyes?
I don't want to.
I still plan to live to the fullest...
Dying from gulping down a drug myself and then failing to jump is way too stupid.
I need to hurry... and go back...
Oh my...
I already completely consider...
that place...
Home...
He saw their faces then, each of them flashing with a smile. But one shone the hardest. Her black hair falling below her shoulders. Her light green eyes illuminating her face as she smiled. She was smiling... smiling at him. His lips curved as he rested on the hard ground. Oh, how he wished she had been the one to tell him to be careful. How he wished she had told him not to go. He wished she would come now. Would come to beg for his apology, come to make him believe he still had a chance.
And maybe it was a dream, but as he opened his eyes, his face dripping with the cold rain, he could have sworn it was her standing not far away. He could have sworn it was her that fell to the ground and took his face in her hands and shouted his name.
"Lo... ne... love...", he whispered.
"Jae-Ha, are you all right?", she screamed. Or maybe it wasn't real. Maybe it was his mind trying to convince him with these images before he died.
"I wish... wished...", he started then, but could not finish.
I wished you were the one who had been there to tell me to be careful. I wished it was you.
The cold is... fading away...
Ah... what should I do?
I... I can't help it.
I want to be by their side... by her side... forever...
He brought his hand to her cheek and rested it there, until he tried to sit up. With all his strength, he tried to reach for her face. He approached his mouth to hers, but stopped merely centimeters away, merely seconds away from what he hoped was heaven. Lone could not move. Lone was frozen with surprise. She didn't know what to do, what to think. His eyes met hers and he couldn't help but think about the possibility of it being a dream. Maybe the only reason he was seeing her just now was because it was his last wish. Something he would never like to change... not ever.
He stared at her, hoping this moment would never stop. He was drowning in her gaze and he enjoyed it.
"We need to get back to the inn", she finally said, and her voice was as angelic as it was in real life. "We need to get you to safety, Jae-Ha"
Jae-Ha. She hadn't called him by one of his nicknames. Nicknames she chose. He knew then he was safe. Whatever it meant, if it meant she was escorting him to heaven or bringing him back to the inn to take care of him, he didn't care. As long as it was her by his side. And so, he let himself fall, let himself break the contact between them and fell unconscious, his head hitting her lap.
Lone was shocked ; she couldn't quite know what had just happened, but she felt like it was a unique moment she would never ever let herself forget.