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“Mama!” A tiny voice declared as Yelena pushed open Ava’s door late one night. The girl had managed to text their signal after she dropped, it wasn’t completely unexpected as Ava often dropped after a long day but Yelena felt so proud of her little one for being able to reach out.
“Who’s such a brave girl, huh? My smartest little girl texting mommy when she needs me” Yelena felt herself instantly slip into big mode as she scooped Ava up and sat on the bed, her baby girl safely held in her arms. Ava snuggled up to her and made tiny happy noises as she clung to her. Little Ava was so tired but she just needed mommy and the blonde had promised that if she text their signal she would come. It felt nice hearing mommy praise her and listening to the sound of her heart as Ava snuggled in close. She just felt so calm in mommy’s arms, like nothing else truly mattered. It was not a secret on the team about Ava’s little side. The girl had been through such a traumatic time in her biological childhood, it was not really much of a surprise that she would regress in order to cope with the trauma. She had been quick to reassure them it never happened in the field, she was a pro at keeping control after all since she had to do so with her powers and was able to hold off until in a safe place. Still, Yelena kept a close eye during their missions. Ava felt so lucky to have her mommy, and it had helped the blonde ex-assassin too. Yelena had never considered being a mother, it would never happen biologically for her thanks to the red room but she still experiencing a deep yearning. She found taking care of Ava could be therapeutic for her and give that sense of motherly comfort that she herself had also been missing her whole life. She got Ava dressed into her ‘little’ outfit — when not in her suit, Ava tended to opt for layers with band tees and leather jackets often paired with jeans, so little Ava wore dungarees and a cardigan on top. Yelena did up the buttons on the cardigan then got her hand braces to which Ava frowned sadly.
“I know baby, but you have to wear these so your hands won’t be all sore and ouchy, okay? Can you do that for mama?” Yelena reassured her, technically Ava didn’t have to wear the braces all the time when she wasn’t in her suit but they did help to stabilise her pain. She just struggled to handle the sensation of pressure on her skin if she was feeling particularly sensitive, but it would come at a price so trying to make the right call was important.
“How are our senses today baby? Can we give it a one to ten for me?”
Ava took a moment to respond, she quietly sniffled them mumbled “just a three, I wanna be a brave girl”
Yelena gave her a warm smile and praised her as Ava let her slide the braces onto her wrists. She gently took Ava’s hand and walked her to their common room to see the rest of the team.
They were all loudly discussing the latest mission but soon as Yelena walked in with the clearly little Ava, their chatter quickly grew quieter. Alexei greeted them, he had very happily taken the role of ‘grandpa’.
“There’s my внучка” he smiled and he scooped Ava up with a big smile. It really did help having three super soldiers on the team as they could easily lift Ava and carry her which she loved. Even mommy could lift her up if she really wanted it, being held on her hip was Ava’s absolute favourite. Still she happily settled in Alexei’s arms for a minute, hugging him was like getting a hug from a massive teddy bear. Then she was passed over to her Uncle Bucky. He was a little more reserved in how to show his affections but was always happy to let Ava sit on his lap as he finished his paperwork or let her sit with him at mealtimes. Mommy had gone over to start the cooking with John whilst Alexei was sat on the couch flicking through a mountain of tv channels. He found a Russian movie but when a character began to swear Bucky instinctively put his hands over Ava’s ears.
“Alexei, that’s not for little ears” he complained but Ava just gigled quietly at her ‘overprotective’ uncle whilst Alexei muttered something about ‘soft Americans’ then flicked through the channels once again. Ava looked down at Bucky’s papers as he continued to fill them in, it all seemed like super boring grown up stuff and she sighed, resting her head back against his chest.
“Sorry kiddo I gotta finish this off or Val is not gonna be happy” he said, Ava sighed but she understood. Val was a pretty scary lady, when Bob had told them about her being all maternal whilst he first recovered from using his sentry powers Ava had just not been able to imagine it. Sure mommy could be scary too as could everyone else on their team if needs be, but it was so different to how Val was. She let out a shudder and she felt metal suddenly tight around her. Ava whimpered in fear, her powers causing her to glitch as she panicked but then she felt the rush of air and the familiar sound of mommy’s heartbeat. “Just focus on your breathing, малышка” a voice broke through her panic and she took a deep breath, then continued to breathe in and out in rhythm as mommy praised her. Luckily John had taken over the cooking but he kept glancing over to check that Ava was okay. Bucky gave a guilty look as Ava slowly pieced together what happened. Oh, the shudder had led Bucky to put his other arm around her to comfort her but she’d been so focused on her worry that she forgot about his metal arm and it had put Ava into a flashback, not helped by many memories of being held down and restrained by metal machines. She gave her uncle an apologetic look, she really didn’t want him to feel bad. It was a team thing, they were careful with each other’s triggers but it was still just inevitable that it would happen on occasions. She felt herself start to waver between big or little due to her concern but mommy’s gentle reassurance and an ‘it’s okay’ from Bucky allowed little Ava to win out.
“M’ sorry” she still said, directed at Bucky but he smiled at her “It’s all good kid, I’m sorry for letting those nasty thoughts get into your mind”
“Not your fault” Ava told him, half sucking her thumb until Yelena got a chew toy from her pocket so she started to chew on that instead. It was so nice being close to mommy, she whined lightly when Yelena lay her on the couch instead but it was much harder for mommy to carry her than the rest of them and she didn’t want her mama to get hurt.
She turned to the tv and saw Alexei had put her favourite cartoon on, smiling at her grandpa. He ruffled her hair then went to see how the cooking was getting along (Yelena did a lot of the cooking for them but John was surprisingly competent).
Ava just lay and watched the tv, her chewable bobbing up and down as she continued to gnaw away at it, it was thankfully strong and durable. She knew some of the others had also used similar things from time to time, they actually had a big box in the main room labelled “fidgets”. It ended up being perfect timing as just when her show finished, their food was ready. She pulled herself up from the couch and walked over to the table. They didn’t always eat as a big group like this especially if it was post mission or if it was just not a good day for various people, but Ava found it nice when they did. It was an experience she never had before though food did make her nervous. A lifetime of bland lab rations, IV nutrition and scavenged leftovers would do that to a person. Normally she would sit on Uncle Bucky’s lap, he was the best at helping to feed her but she was a little scared of upsetting him again. He seemed wary too but it could be because of her earlier outburst. Ava took a breath, told herself to be brave and approached him softly.
“Can I sit with you?” She asked him and Bucky just couldn’t say no. He didn’t tend to use his arm at meal times regardless (his reason being that food stains were weirdly hard to remove from vibranium, he also just needed a break sometimes). Today though he was particularly glad not to be wearing it so that he wouldn’t trigger Ava again. He let the girl climb up on his lap, settling her first before taking both his and her plates of dinner. Ava and food was never an easy mix, the team had found out quickly that her big counterpart was not a fan of meals as she would either just snack at various times or hoard food in her room for when she eventually felt up to it. She had been working on it with her therapist. The team had scoffed at the idea of mandated therapy at first, Val insisted that she needed them to be ‘mentally ready’ at all times. Bucky made sure they were allowed to pick and hire the therapist, he just didn’t trust Val not to hire someone with ulterior motives in mind. But it was surprisingly helpful, Ava had found it useful having someone to talk through things with that she didn’t then have to keep making eye contact with in the halls. They had also helped with coping methods and feeling less shame in herself for her needs. Still these things just take time, it wasn’t exactly easy to undo a lifetime of trauma. Ava let out a whimper at the overwhelm of having food on a plate in front of her that she was supposed to eat. She hid her face in Bucky’s chest, it was just too much for her to handle but he gently rubbed her back and encouraged her to take all the time she needed. Even if she only took a single bite at the table or none at all, he would be so proud of her. He finished his own food first and then could fully focus on Ava. The little one was lightly shaking in his arms, he exchanged a look with Yelena to check she was okay but the blonde knew that Bucky was the best one for this job. She cleared the other plates to give Ava a bit more space and to reduce the pressure on her. The others hung out at the table, chatting to each other it felt like a relaxed family gathering. Ava just peeked at her plate from her place curled up on Bucky’s lap. Mommy had done veggie dino nuggets, her absolute favourite. She even had a little pile of sauce to dip them into. She took a deep breath, then sat herself up a little more. Bucky took this as a sign to grab one of the nuggets for her and she took it in her hands with a small smile, firstly just nibbling at the corner. Nothing had changed: the others were still chatting, Bucky had joined in and mommy was sat back with them as she enthusiastically debated John on the merits of learning karate. It was nice, just her and her family. She sighed and finished her nugget before gently prompting Bucky to pass her another. This time she dipped its head in the sauce, biting it off. Something inside her felt a bit bad, normally that wouldn’t bother her at all since her big self did way worse things than eat food shaped like an animal but now it made her tummy feel all topsy turvy and she spat it back out, her eyes wide. She felt mommy looking right at her and maybe she worried if Ava was just about to be sick but Ava closed her eyes and took deep breaths, aided by Bucky and her mommy who had come to crouch by her side. “Mama I want a shake please” she whispered quietly. They had these nutrition milkshakes for when Ava at either age was just not up for food, it was far better than needing an IV but she knew that she wasn’t able to purely live off shakes alone. They were however very handy for when she needed it. Uncle Bucky carried her to the sofa, telling her that he was so proud of her. It felt nice to hear that even when she’d done something ‘bad’ because she really hadn’t meant to panic over it or earlier, and yet he was still here looking after her. When she was little Ava had her shake in a bottle, mommy prepped it then came to sit next to her. She sat on Yelena’s lap, letting mommy hold her bottle and holding Bucky’s hand for comfort. It felt so nice being with her family as Bob, John and Alexei joined them on the large U shaped couch that luckily could fit them all on at once. Maybe she finally had what she’d wanted all along — a family.