Chapter Text
They arrive at Liz’s house a short while after their uncomfortable conversation ended.
Liz unbuckles her seatbelt as soon as the car stops, halfway to telling Julia not to walk her to the door, but a glance over at the driver’s seat shows Julia already getting out of the car.
Liz scowls, following suit. She snatches her jacket out of Julia’s hand as she hands it to her, rummaging through her pockets for a moment to find her keys before eventually fishing them out.
Julia, much to Liz’s annoyance, walks her to the door.
“You don't have to walk me to the door,” Liz mutters, unlocking the door. “It's not like a date.”
She catches herself too late, quickly clearing her throat and shoving the door open.
The expression on Julia’s face is really not one she needed to see.
“Are the boys asleep?” Julia asks quietly.
“What? No, they're at Lee’s. Don't be stupid.” Liz retorts, tossing her keys down onto the table in the hall.
Julia is still hovering outside the door. Liz folds her arms, leaning against the doorframe.
“What is it?” she asks, eyeing Julia warily as she fidgets with her car keys.
“I… Just want to make sure you're alright.”
Liz sighs, rolling her eyes. “I’m fine. Fuck’s sake.” she shakes her head, scoffing. “Do you want me to walk in a straight line to prove it?”
Julia nods, a small laugh escaping her. “Please do, that’ll be very entertaining.”
Liz raises an eyebrow. “Yeah? Fine. Watch.”
Liz turns away, about to put one foot in front of the other with dramatic effect and walk in a straight line to prove her sobriety, until the front door closing makes her turn around sharply.
Julia, instead of being outside as Liz expected, is standing in the hall, watching her expectantly.
“Go on, then.” she prompts, nodding towards Liz’s feet.
Liz blinks, trying not to concentrate on the fact that Julia is now inside her house, when she is perhaps just a little bit more than sober.
She tries to trust herself not to make foolish decisions, instead focusing on the task at hand.
“Alright,” Liz mutters. “If I walk in a straight line, you owe me.”
Julia laughs. “Owe you what?”
“I dunno. A fiver or something.”
Julia hums a response, watching as Liz carefully walks in a not so straight line down the hall.
Once she reaches the living room door, she spins around triumphantly.
“Aha! I’ll take that fiver now, thankyou.”
Julia tilts her head to the side, smiling lightly. “You've got to do it this way, too.”
Liz scowls. “No, I don't.”
“Do it,” Julia urges, giggling. “I’ll give you a tenner.”
Liz shrugs, grinning. “‘Kay.”
“You know,” Julia says, as Liz starts walking clumsily back up the hall towards her. “This only makes you look more drunk than you apparently are.”
Liz laughs, shaking her head. “Nah, I’m- Shit!”
The lace of Liz’s boot snags under her foot as she reaches the end of the hall again, sending her stumbling forward
… Into Julia.
“That didn't count, alright?” Liz exclaims, looking up to find Julia’s face much closer to hers than it was a moment ago. She swallows nervously.
Why are Julia’s arms around her waist? She didn't fall that far, did she? Julia is breathing heavily, Liz can feel her chest pressed against her own.
Don't do this to me again. Not when I’m like this.
“I…” Liz swallows, trying to focus on Julia’s eyes instead of her lips. “Maybe I am drunk, then.” she whispers.
Yes, I’m drunk. Don't let me make any stupid decisions again.
“I know,” Julia says, her voice dropping an octave. “I…” her tongue darts out to wet her lips. “I’ll give you a fiver for your effort.”
Did her eyes flick down, or was it a trick of the light? It doesn't matter if they did, Liz knows she doesn't want what she does. She could never want her the way she wants her. She made that explicitly clear.
Why are her arms still around her waist?
“The fall didn't count, what about for that?” Liz asks softly, leaning a fraction closer.
Julia’s eyes widen slightly behind her glasses. Oh, they suit her so well.
“You're not getting money for that.” Julia answers.
“Then what?” Liz murmurs, a small grin tugging at her mouth. “I deserve something for trying.”
“Do you?”
“Mhm, I think I do.”
They're closer now. So close that Liz could count Julia’s eyelashes, if her eyes weren't focused solely on her lips. Her arms tighten around her waist.
Do you want me? Do you want me like I want you, even if I’m drunk? Only because I’m drunk?
“Liz…” Julia breathes out, swallowing. Her arms loosen around her waist. She takes a step backwards.
No, no, no.
“I… I can't. Not when you're like this.”
Would you still want me if I was sober?
Liz furiously blinks back tears, taking several steps backwards. She clears her throat quickly, dropping her gaze to the floor. “Yeah, whatever. I’m fine now, you can go.”
“I-” she stops, inhaling sharply. Decides against it. “Okay. Yeah.”
Liz doesn't look up to watch her leave, keeping her gaze fixed on the floor, on her untied lace on her left boot.
Retreating footsteps that pause for a moment, debating. The door opens, closes. Silence.
Liz hates the silence. She wants the silence to be filled with shaky breaths, soft whispers, clothes dropping.
She takes a shuddering breath, leaning back against the wall. The tears burn behind her eyes. What happened to no foolish decisions? Why did Amanda have to call Julia, of all people?
She desperately needs a drink.