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Disgruntled, Buck stared at the inbox of his LAFD email account. Months had gone by since he had applied for a transfer out of the 118, and nothing had happened. He hadn’t even gotten a notice that his request was denied; there was just silence.
“That’s not a great expression on your face for this early in the morning.”
Buck turned away from his laptop, a smile spreading over his face. Waking up beside Tommy again was something that he really treasured a lot. They had been slowly moving back to this place for months. At first—when Buck had called Tommy three days after their hookup and the very confusing fight that morning—Buck had thought they’d move back into a relationship soon.
But then Bobby had died, and Buck hadn’t had the mental capacity to sort out anything with Tommy. So they had settled into a comfortable friendship for a while, despite nothing else in Buck’s life being comfortable during that time. And maybe that was something they had needed to build a basis for them. In the end, Buck had asked Tommy out on a date just before Hen had been offered this insane adventure of a trip to space, and Buck felt in many ways that he had finally found home.
“Did I wake you?” Buck asked softly
Tommy shook his head with a smile. “No. But I was missing the warmth beside me. What crime did your laptop commit against you?”
Buck chuckled and closed the laptop. “Just the past coming to bite me in the ass. I don’t know how to deal with it yet. Do you have any plans for today?”
“Nothing concrete. I think I’m caught up on all chores. I’m sure we’ll find something to enjoy,” Tommy said. He sat on the chair right beside Buck and watched him intently. “Want to share what’s going on?”
Buck bit his lip, hesitating. He wasn’t used to people asking things like that, and somehow that had become such a big stumbling block for him over the past months since Bobby’s death. Because Tommy kept asking about how Buck was doing, and so far, every single time, Buck had shied away from answering because he expected to be told to stop making everything about himself again.
“I told you I was thinking about transferring to another station, right?” Buck asked after nearly a minute of silence. Despite how the breakup and the fight after their hookup had panned out, Tommy had never once made him feel like he was too much of a burden, and Buck was slowly learning to trust that.
Tommy nodded and frowned. “Did you change your mind? It’s been months since you brought it up.”
Buck huffed. “No! But I have gotten no reaction to that at all. Not even a notice that it was denied. I guess that’s what I get for once suing the department.”
“Suing the department?” Tommy asked with a startled laugh. “When was that? And why?”
Buck sighed. Sometimes he felt Tommy knew everything about him because, in their grief over Bobby, they had walked through so many difficult and painful topics about their past. But then there were moments like this that reminded him there was still so much they hadn’t stumbled over yet in their conversations.
“I told you about my leg being crushed,” Buck said slowly.
“I remember,” Tommy said with a deep sigh.
He settled his hand on Buck’s thigh of even the leg that had been crushed. There were deep scars on that leg, and in contrast to Taylor and Natalia, Tommy hadn’t asked about them. So it hadn’t come up until a nightmare had woken Buck up just two weeks after Bobby’s funeral, where he had dreamed about Bobby tackling Freddi and the bomb going off. It had been one of many nightmares where Buck had seen Bobby dying in a multitude of ways that were callbacks to different situations Bobby had been in. Buck had called Tommy after most of these nightmares, and so they had finally talked about where the scars on Buck’s leg came from.
“I requalified in record time,” Buck said slowly. “Surprised everyone with how fast I healed and got back on my feet. The team threw me a big party at Athena and Bobby’s place.” He exhaled slowly. “Then I started coughing up blood all over their porch because of a pulmonary embolism.”
“Blood clots are pretty common for that kind of leg injury.”
Buck nodded. “Yeah. It turned out later that it was the screws they had used to keep my bone together. But at first, everyone assumed I had been reckless with my health and ignored the symptoms.”
Tommy reared back with a deep frown. “What? How’d they get that idea? The symptoms are mostly pain and tenderness where the clots develop. You have to have been in pain constantly during that time.”
Buck grinned lopsidedly. “I was pretty reckless as a child, getting injured a lot. Maddie had … sometimes still has a difficult time remembering that I’m not that child anymore. And some doctor in the ER made a comment about it being caused by overdoing it.”
Tommy sighed and nodded.
“So, Bobby thought I wasn’t ready. And I guess there was some guilt going on with Bobby about me getting hurt because someone tried to hurt him,” Buck said. “He told me the department was blocking my return to work, but the truth was he was the one who made that decision. I ended up with a position as a fire marshal for a little while. But then I learned Bobby was the one blocking my return to the 118, and I got angry and let myself be swayed by some ambulance chaser. So I sued the department instead of going to the union.”
Tommy blinked, looking clearly surprised. “That usually ends with some kind of payment and staying out of a job, doesn’t it?”
Buck shrugged. “Yeah, sure. But I wanted my job back. And that’s what I got in the end. They did offer a lot of money, but I didn’t want that. So I got back to the 118, everyone ignored me for a couple of shifts, then I got hurt helping someone off shift, and Bobby and I figured our shit out. But I was warned both by my lawyer and the person from HR who finalized my paperwork that I might have a difficult time pushing my career forward in the future.”
Tommy frowned. “That doesn’t sound right.”
Buck huffed and rolled his eyes. “But that’s how life works, right? People hold grudges. Some people manage to still act in a fair way despite their personal grudge, and others don’t. I guess there are a lot of people higher up in the chain of command who prefer to let their grudges form their judgment of me.”
Tommy shook his head. “Maybe you should ask about your transfer request. Because I don’t think it’s right that you aren’t hearing anything about it.”
“If no captain wants to take me because of my history, what can I do?” Buck asked.
“I know it on good authority that there are at least three captains who’d be happy to take you,” Tommy said.
Buck frowned. “Really? How’d you know that?”
Tommy laughed. “Because I talk with people, Evan. And I’m pretty well connected. I’m sure you remember the bridge collapse.”
Buck nodded.
“I was there, too, though we didn’t really meet. You left a very good impression with several people that day,” Tommy said. “And that was talked about. It wasn’t even the first time you were noticed in a positive way by others in the department. So, I can’t imagine that if your transfer request hit the tables of those captains, they wouldn’t offer you a place.”
Buck gestured at his laptop. “So, where does this silence come from?”
Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s the reason I said you should poke at the situation. Get in contact with HR and ask about the status of your transfer request.”
Buck frowned and stared at his laptop. “I’ll think about it.” He didn’t feel so much like poking at that hornet’s nest, and he felt that was exactly what he’d do if he did anything but accept the silence as the rejection it was. “Let’s take care of breakfast first, okay?”
***
“I’m sorry, Firefighter Buckley,” Mrs. Sorensen, the woman who had answered Buck’s call to HR, said. “I’m a little confused about your question. You rescinded your transfer request two days after filing it.”
Buck’s mouth fell open. “Excuse me? I did no such thing.”
Mrs. Sorensen was quiet for a moment. Then she asked slowly, “You didn’t? Are you sure?”
Buck inhaled slowly, reminding himself that she didn’t deserve it if he bit her head off just because she was the one telling him about whatever mix-up had happened there. “I’m very sure that I did not pull back my request for a transfer.”
Tommy looked at him with raised brows, and Buck just shrugged helplessly. He pulled the phone from his ear and put it on speaker, deciding that it would be easier this way than to repeat the information later to Tommy.
Mrs. Sorensen hummed. “Then there must have been some kind of mix-up. Should I open the request for transfer again, Firefighter Buckley?”
“Yes, please do that,” Buck said.
Mrs. Sorensen hummed again. Then she said quietly in such a way that Buck was sure he wasn’t intended to hear it, “Let’s see how long it will last this time, huh?”
“Excuse me, what was that?” Buck said harshly, belatedly wincing about his own tone.
“I…” Mrs. Sorensen sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Would you explain your comment, please?” Buck asked with a deep frown, and Tommy’s hand settled on his arm in a calm and supportive way.
There was a beat of silence before Mrs. Sorensen answered, “It’s just your station, Firefighter Buckley. The 118, especially your shift, is known for this kind of thing.”
“Known for what?” Buck excused.
Mrs. Sorensen huffed. “Captain Nash wanted to retire, then he did. Paramedic Wilson was on her way out to become a doctor, then she wasn’t. Then she wanted to become captain, now she doesn’t. Paramedic Han didn’t want to become captain. Now he does. Firefighter Panikkar wanted to have a permanent placement at the academy, then he didn’t. Firefighter Diaz quite twice, only to come back and demand he’d return to the 118.”
Buck winced. That was quite a list, and it was all true. And she hadn’t even mentioned Chimney’s prolonged absence a couple of years ago when he and Maddie had been in Boston.
“Do you see the pattern here?” Mrs. Sorensen asked.
Buck sighed and shared a desperate look with Tommy. “I do. But you might notice I haven’t been part of that list. This is the first time I have requested a transfer. And I mean it. I’m sure you know…” He had to clear his throat. “I’m sure you know we lost Captain Nash a couple of months ago.”
“Yes. I’m very sorry for your loss, Firefighter,” Mrs. Sorensen said and sounded utterly sincere.
“Howard Han is my brother-in-law, and as you just pointed out, he is about to become the 118th captain permanently,” Buck said. He didn’t want to share with outsiders the real reason why he wanted to leave the 118 after he had been so adamant to stay for so long. “I’m honestly surprised no one who is involved in the process of these decisions has brought up that problem yet.”
“Oh.” Mrs. Sorensen said, and Buck swore he could hear her frown. “You’re right. If you and soon-to-be Captain Han wanted to stay in the same house and the same shift, you’d already have had to file some very extensive paperwork. I have already reopened your request for a transfer, and I will bring up the issue of your relationship with Howard Han with the appropriate people. Though I’m sure everyone will be happy that you have been proactive in solving this problem for them.”
Tommy grabbed a piece of paper and started to scribble down something.
“I’m sure,” Buck said even though he didn’t believe it for a moment. “Thank you for your help. How long do you think I will have to wait for a reply about the transfer?”
“I’ll make sure you’ll have some information inside a week,” Mrs. Sorensen said.
Tommy held up the piece of paper, and Buck read the message with raised brows.
“And maybe you could look into how my first request was marked as me pulling it back?” Buck asked, unsure why Tommy thought that was important.
“Of course, Firefighter Buckley,” Mrs. Sorensen said. “You are right. If there is a mistake in our system, we should investigate it, so we won’t have a repeat of it with other firefighters.”
“Thank you,” Buck said again. “Have a nice day.”
He ended the call and shook his head, still confused about the whole conversation with him. Buck felt irritated about Mrs. Sorensen’s remark about the habit of his team changing their minds. Looking at it the way she did might seem logical, but their team was a lot more people than just the five she had listed. Buck really hoped no one else on their shift had ever been overlooked for something like a transfer because somehow less than half of their shift had left such a big impression with HR.
Tommy smiled and nodded. “See, it was a good thing you called and asked instead of assuming.”
Buck huffed and leaned against Tommy, who readily wrapped his arms around him. “Yeah. But I could’ve lived without knowing what HR thinks of the 118.”
“I’m sure Mrs. Sorensen will think twice about making these kinds of comments in the future. I’m sure you’ll hear from some captains in less than a week.”
***
Tommy was right with that, too. In less than five days, Buck found messages from seven different captains in his inbox asking him to come in for a conversation about a possible placement on their shift. Buck was a little overwhelmed by that and scheduled those appointments with a lot of anxiety.
When he had graduated from the academy, there hadn’t been much of a selection process he had been involved in. Of course he had talked with a couple of captains, but in the end, all the new probationary firefighters had gotten the notice of their placement with only very little input from them. Then, of course, Buck’s placement had also been changed just two days before his first shift to the 118, and he had gone to his shift without ever having talked to a single person on his new team. For the longest time, Buck really hadn’t had anything to complain about concerning that placement. But now that he was looking to change that situation, talking with the captains of different shifts about joining their crew was a brand-new experience for him.
A full week after his conversation with Mrs. Sorensen and two days before his first interviews with a number of captains, Buck and Tommy’s dinner preparations were interrupted by loud knocking on his door. Before he had even cleaned and dried his hands, he heard Chimney impatiently shouting through the door for him to open up.
Tommy looked at him with raised brows, and Buck bit his lip before he nodded to the bedroom of his new apartment.
Barely anyone knew yet that they were back together, especially no one at the 118, and so far, they were enjoying the quiet of just being together without anyone bothering them. Only Ravi knew that Buck and Tommy had been in contact again since before Bobby had died, but even the last thing Ravi should know was that the hookup he had set up hadn’t ended on very good terms. It wasn’t as if anyone on the team had really shown any interest in what was going on in Buck’s life for quite a while.
Tommy nodded and retreated into the bedroom, leaving the door ajar. Chimney, in the meantime, hadn’t stopped pounding on the door for even a moment, and that already told Buck that he probably was heading into some kind of uncomfortable conversation, though he had no idea what he had done to anger Chimney now. He had made sure to keep his own grief and his coping with that out of the station ever since Eddie had gotten in his face about it.
“What can I do for you on this nice evening, Chimney?” Buck asked with forced cheerfulness.
Chimney glared at him and pushed his way into the apartment, though he stayed in the hallway while Buck closed the door. “We agreed on no one transferring out of the station!”
Buck blinked. “I didn’t agree to anything, Chimney. You had your great speech, and I guess you inspired Eddie quite a lot with that. Enough that it was suddenly very easy to convince Chris to come back home to LA again.”
He tried not to sound too bitter about it. Buck had always thought Eddie should’ve put his foot down about bringing Chris back to LA once the school year was about to start again. Despite what Eddie and practically everyone else had assumed, he had never begrudged Eddie his decision to move to Texas to reconnect with Chris, but he still was convinced Eddie should’ve handled the whole situation very differently. What Buck did begrudge was the ease with which Eddie had demanded his house back on a pretty short notice when he had decided on a whim that moving back to Texas permanently wasn’t something he wanted to do after all.
Chimney shook his head. “No one is leaving the 118, Buck!”
“I am,” Buck said slowly. “I don’t have a new placement yet, but my transfer is pretty much a done deal.”
He had hoped Chimney wouldn’t notice that until Buck had a place at another station secured so that he could tell the team where he was going, and if he was also switching to another shift and not just another house. But he should’ve probably expected Chimney to come across that paperwork sooner rather than later.
“You told HR I had blocked your request!” Chimney said angrily.
“I … Wait, did you do that?”
Chimney crossed his arms over his chest, still glaring at Buck. “We all agreed your idea of leaving was stupid and reckless. I just made sure you wouldn’t forget about it because you were too busy pushing yourself into everyone’s business with your grief assessment and your baking.”
Buck exhaled slowly. He hadn’t heard anything about the reason why the status of his request had been changed, and he had honestly expected that there was some technical failure in their system. Though, there was no surprise at all to learn that Chimney apparently had switched the status instead of it being an honest mistake. “That’s an interesting way to put it. Especially considering that I never agreed to pull my transfer request back. I was waiting for any kind of reaction, and when I didn’t even get a notice that the request had been denied, I called HR and asked about it.”
“You can’t transfer,” Chimney said.
“Why?”
“Because you can’t just rip our team apart!” Chimney shouted. “That’s not what Bobby would’ve wanted! And we can’t deal with more change on the team than we already have!”
Buck shrugged. “I can’t deal with how the team has already fallen apart. I need a change. And as you all already think I’m only interested in what’s best for me, I’m just going to focus on that.”
“You’re so dramatic,” Chimney said and rolled his eyes. “Nothing has fallen apart. Bobby just catered too much to every single one of your whims because he was afraid you’d sue him again.”
Buck gritted his teeth and drew his shoulders back, holding his immediate reply back.
“You need to tell HR that you changed your mind,” Chimney said. “And that you did agree to pulling the request back originally and just forgot about it. You need to apologize to them for your mistake.”
Buck raised his brows and asked incredulously, “What?”
“You heard what I said.”
“Why?” Buck asked.
“I need this promotion, Buck,” Chimney said and flexed his jaw. “Your bullshit shouldn’t put my promotion in question, but for some reason, it does. Because of course you have to throw a tantrum when not everything is going exactly to your liking!”
Buck blinked in surprise. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Chimney threw his hands in the air, and Buck couldn’t help himself, he took a step backwards out of reflex. “They think I somehow violated my position by pulling your request from the system!”
Buck pursed his lips. He very much agreed with that assessment, and he knew a year ago he would have been horribly hurt by learning Chimney had done something like this. Now he only felt resigned over it and thought that he should have suspected it after the way everyone had dismissed him any time he had shown any kind of distress or pain over the past year, starting right after his breakup with Tommy.
“You need to make this right, Buck!” Chimney repeated. “And you need to stop trying to ruin everything for me, finally!”
“I’m not going to stay with the 118,” Buck said. “I have outgrown the place, probably years ago. I need to spread my wings if I want to go anywhere with my career in the LAFD.”
Chimney opened his mouth, but Buck raised a hand to stop him.
“I’m going to talk with HR on your behalf,” Buck continued. “But that’s all I’m agreeing to. I’d most likely be transferred out of the 118 anyway with you becoming captain because we’re family.”
Chimney huffed. “You know, you shouldn’t just remember that when it’s convenient for you.”
Buck bit his tongue so he wouldn’t say what came to mind immediately. He felt he wasn’t the one who forgot that most regularly, and he didn’t even need to think about it to be able to name five instances where that had become abundantly clear over the past year or two alone.
“It’s a mistake for you to transfer,” Chimney continued, chin raised. “But I guess it’s time someone lets you deal with the consequences of your mistakes all by yourself instead of coddling you the way Bobby did. Don’t come crying to me when you regret this. I won’t be able to get you back into the 118. I already used all those favors so Eddie could come back. And I doubt anyone wants you back after you blew up the team. You already burned through your second chance in that with the lawsuit.”
“Duly noted,” Buck said tonelessly.
Chimney pointed a finger at him. “Do not forget to call HR. If you ruin this promotion for me, you’ll pay for it.”
Buck nodded grimly and was relieved when Chimney left without him having to ask for it. He waited for a moment after Chimney had stormed out of the apartment before he walked to the door to close it and lock it. He hadn’t gotten around yet to leave a key for his new place with Maddie and now he wondered if he should do that at all.
“What the hell was that?” Tommy asked, and when Buck turned, he found his boyfriend standing in the doorway to the bedroom and watching him with a deep, worried frown.
Buck shrugged. “Chimney’s brand of … being Chimney.”
“Are you really going to talk with HR on his behalf?” Tommy asked. “As I see it, he is the one who needs to learn to deal with the consequences of his actions, not you.”
Buck made a face. “I’ll tell HR that Chimney clearly misunderstood what I said about my transfer. I’m … If he doesn’t get the promotion, he’ll blame me. And I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with those consequences, Tommy. I’ve already lost so much this year.”
Buck pulled his lips between his teeth and hated that he had suddenly tears burning in his eyes.
“Evan…” Tommy came over to Buck to pull him into a hug. “What consequences are you talking about?”
Buck leaned his head against Tommy’s shoulder and exhaled slowly. “Chimney has threatened in the past to keep Jee-Yun away from me. And in a way, he even went through with it for a little while. I just … want to know my niece and nephew while they grow up, you know?”
Tommy sucked in a breath. “Would Maddie allow that?”
“I don’t know,” Buck murmured. “I don’t want to find out. But if Chimney tells her I’m to blame for him not being promoted to captain … I just don’t know.”
Tommy rubbed his hands over Buck’s back silently.
Buck blew out a breath. “Says a lot I’m not surprised that Chimney would just pull my transfer request because he decided I wasn’t allowed to leave the 118, doesn’t it?”
Tommy sighed. “It says something about the state of your relationship, yes. I’m so sorry how much everything has fallen apart over the past couple of months for you, Evan. I wish I knew a way to fix this for you.”
Buck closed his eyes and, for a moment, just enjoyed Tommy holding him. Then he said, “Let’s go back to making dinner. I’m sure I have to deal with this tomorrow on shift. But until then, I just want to forget about it.”
Tommy pressed a kiss against Buck’s temple and then took his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. The kitchen was really too small for both of them to work there at the same time, but Buck enjoyed brushing up against Tommy every time either of them moved around.
He hadn’t gotten this apartment as something he wanted to live in for very long anyway. Buck had needed a new place pretty fast after Eddie had decided he and Christopher would return. Buck hadn’t even thought about asking Eddie to stay on his couch for some time, and he hadn’t wanted to bother Chimney and Maddie with it either.
At the same time, with him and Tommy working things out between them, Buck knew that the whole topic of moving in together would come up sooner rather than later again. Not looking for a place that felt like home but just for something to stay at for a few months or even a year had made finding an apartment a lot easier, Buck thought. And it had taken a huge burden off his shoulders at a time when he’d already had to deal with so many things all at once.
***
Buck wasn’t surprised that for his shift the next morning, everyone already knew about his pending transfer. Chimney already couldn’t keep secrets if he wanted to—except, of course, it was about him and Maddie—and in this case, it probably was something Chimney didn’t even consider a secret or at least confidential information.
As expected, Eddie and Hen were as unhappy as Chimney was about Buck’s plans and Buck’s resolve to go through with it. Eddie punished him with silence and showed him the cold shoulder, and Buck’s heart broke a little more over that. He didn’t know when his friendship with Eddie had started to crack, but by now he wasn’t sure if they’d ever be able to repair it.
Maybe once he wasn’t working at the 118 anymore, he and Eddie would be able to rebuild the kind of friendship they’d had a couple of years back during the months when Eddie had worked at dispatch. That had proven that once they had been able to be friends, even without the job connecting them. Maybe that was what they needed now, when working together felt so much like poking at the wound of Bobby’s death.
Hen kept watching Buck with a frown throughout the whole morning. Buck knew she would eventually corner him, so he was glad that the morning was busy with a couple of calls that kept them out of the fire station. But around the time for lunch—which was still a situation of everyone taking care of their own food and everyone eating by themselves—Hen managed to catch him alone in the kitchen.
Hen leaned her arms on the counter with her hands folded and watched him for a moment silently while Buck prepared lunch for himself. He resolved to ignore her until she spoke up for herself.
Eventually, Hen sighed. “We are all still struggling, Buck.”
“Stop right there,” Buck said and sent her a glare before turning back to his food. “I love you, Hen, and usually I value your opinion a great deal. But in this case, you’ve all already shown that you don’t care or don’t have the capacity to be considerate of my grief. But now, when I’m in the process of stepping out of the mold you’ve created for me, you suddenly care.”
Hen frowned. “That’s not why I’m here to talk with you, Buck.”
“Isn’t it?” Buck asked. “Aren’t you here to tell me how selfish and reckless I am to want to transfer after you all told me I wasn’t allowed to? Aren’t you here to tell me to fix Chimney’s mess for him when I had nothing to do with that at all?”
“You once sued Bobby and the department to get back here to the 118, Buck,” Hen said softly.
Buck rolled his eyes. “Yeah. That was six years ago. And Bobby was still here.”
Hen flinched, and Buck considered for a moment to apologize. But he dismissed that thought as fast as it had come.
“Though talking about that time, maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised that none of you bothered to check in with me about Bobby. There is kind of a pattern in letting me stew in my own grief, isn’t there? Eddie told me none of you knew how to talk to me, but the truth is it, that none of you even tried. And when I tried, you pushed me away. And told me what I should or shouldn’t do and decided that was the final word on it.”
“I understand that you’re hurt, Buck,” Hen said with a frown. “But don’t you think you’re twisting things around quite a lot right now?”
Buck sighed and braced his hands on the counter so he could face Hen and concentrate on her. “When you explained that you didn’t want the promotion to captain anymore, I was supportive without question. Because I think that’s what I should be as a good friend, no matter how much I think your reasons are stupid and that you’re letting go of a chance you might never get again, and that you’re the captain this shift would’ve needed to truly heal from our experiences.”
Hen frowned deeply.
“But I told you that you should do what is important for you, what feels like the right choice for you,” Buck continued. “Because I felt supporting your decision was more important than my own opinion about the choices you made for your life.”
Hen lowered her gaze. “I get what you’re saying.”
“Good,” Buck said. “Because as much as I need to get away from here, I do hope that eventually we’ll all be able to be friends again. My transfer is a done deal. I don’t know which station and shift I’ll end up at, but I have appointments with a surprising number of captains to talk about this.”
Hen smiled weakly. “I’m not surprised you’re sought after by a lot of stations.”
Buck ran his tongue over his lip, a little surprised by her sudden open support. “Really?”
“Yeah, of course.” Hen chuckled and tilted her head. “You’re good at this job, Buck. And in a way that’s been noticed far outside the 118.”
“When I didn’t get a reply to my transfer request from months ago, I thought that was the department punishing me for the lawsuit,” Buck admitted quietly and turned his head away. “I don’t really know what I expected when I called HR to ask about it. But I hadn’t expected to learn that my interim captain had taken matters into his own hands. I actually didn’t know what had gone wrong until Chimney showed up at my place yesterday and accused me of ruining his promotion. I know Chimney thinks differently, but I didn’t call HR to get him in trouble; I called to get a clarification on something that should have only concerned me.”
“I didn’t think you had done anything to intentionally get Chimney in trouble,” Hen said. “And I’m sorry I failed in being the support you needed.”
“Maybe you can try to convince Chimney of that,” Buck suggested. “As you’re clearly looking for something to meddle in.”
Hen laughed quietly. “Yeah. I’ll see what I can do. Tell me your honest opinion about me not taking the promotion to captain, please.”
Buck stared at her warily for a moment, then he gave one short nod. “My honest opinion is still that you need to do what feels right for you. But I also think your reasons are a weak excuse, and that you’re letting the whole trauma Ortiz caused influence you. I think you were afraid of ending up in a similar situation again, and that you didn’t trust yourself anymore, but that you could’ve overcome that. I think you’d have made a great captain. But that ship has sailed, Hen.”
“I know,” Hen whispered. “And you’re right, it’s unlikely they’ll offer me a position as captain ever again.”
“The 118 has a reputation with HR,” Buck said with raised brows. “Apparently, they expect everyone here to request something or work towards something to then pull back in the last moment. That’s why no one questioned why I allegedly pulled back my request for a transfer.”
Hen frowned. “What?”
Buck shrugged. “It’s really just Bobby, Chimney, Eddie, Ravi, and you who created that impression. Though, my reaction has hopefully cured them from judging everyone in our station by these standards you’ve all somehow set.”
Hen huffed.
“Will you stop looking at me as if I kicked your puppy now?” Buck asked.
Hen laughed. “Yeah, I can do that.”
“Great. Then I’m going to eat lunch now,” Buck decided. “Feel free to join me. I still think we should go back to eating together. It wasn’t just a Bobby thing, even if it may have started with him. Eating together was about us being a team. I think we all would’ve coped much better if we hadn’t given it up.”
Hen sighed. “I’d like to eat together with you. I just need to put my lunch into the microwave.”
***
“Hey, Buck, wait!” Ravi called after him just as Buck was about to get into the car at the end of the shift.
Buck sighed and waited for Ravi to catch up with him. Ravi hadn’t talked much with him during the shift, but Buck had noticed that Ravi had spent a lot of the shift distracting Chimney from him.
“Do you want to get breakfast together?” Ravi asked. “Or do you already have plans?”
“Plans?” Buck asked, startled.
Ravi laughed. “I mean, you’ve got a hot boyfriend waiting for you at home, don’t you?”
Buck raised his brows. “He is not waiting for me right at this moment. Getting breakfast together sounds good.”
Ravi nodded. “My treat. I’ll send you the location. It’s a twenty-minute drive from here.”
“Okay.” Buck laughed as he got into his car.
He followed the directions his car gave him, and half an hour later, he sat in a café and watched Ravi’s interactions with the staff here, who all clearly knew Ravi not just by sight but also by name and order.
“So, what do you think to know about my very hot boyfriend?” Buck asked.
Ravi grinned brightly. “I saw you a while ago out on a date. You were so lost in your own little world of staring at each other that you didn’t notice me. I’m glad you and Tommy managed to figure things out. I’m happy for you.”
Buck bit his lip and ducked his head. “It’s still pretty new. I think we were heading there before,” he waved a hand and had to clear his throat, “Bobby. And then I couldn’t deal with anything for a while but that.”
“I’m glad you put your foot down about the transfer,” Ravi said. “I’ve been wondering why you didn’t bring it up again over the past couple of years. You were ready to leave when I was a probie, and you still stayed.”
“I was prepared to leave because of something that happened between me and Chimney,” Buck said. “I … For a while, I didn’t think I could work with him again. Thankfully, I managed to work through that before he came back from Boston. Because I wasn’t really ready yet to leave the 118 as a whole, it just seemed to be the best solution to avoid more conflict. I’m more than ready now.”
Ravi frowned. “If you say so. But still, I think you spreading your wings is a good thing. And I’m sorry none of the others can see that. Chimney shouldn’t have told anyone about your plans. Or claimed that you somehow got him in trouble with it.”
Buck shrugged. “I’m not surprised, honestly. I’m not even surprised he meddled in the way he did.”
“I’m a little surprised there are going to be consequences for him,” Ravi said quietly and tapped his fingers against the table. “It seems … I don’t know how Bobby had somehow so much sway that he could protect everyone all the time. You know the 118 is the talk of the whole LAFD, right?”
Buck laughed mirthlessly. “I suspected. And then I had a very startling conversation with someone from HR who thought, because I’m part of the 118, I’d change my mind about the transfer again.”
“Really?” Ravi asked with a frown.
Bob nodded. “They lumped you into the list they gave me about Bobby, Hen, Chim, and Eddie changing their minds about leaving, though I’m not sure that’s fair. But you might have some extra obstacles to overcome once you decide it’s time to spread your wings away from the 118.”
“I’ll remember that,” Ravi said slowly, still sounding utterly confused. “I don’t think I’ll get there any time soon, though. I’m pretty comfortable with the way I’ve been jumping between shifts at the 118. I guess, eventually, I’ll settle on one single shift like everyone else.”
Buck grinned and shook his head. “I really don’t know how you’re doing this with such an inconsistent schedule, but if it works for you, it’s great.”
“Do you know where you’re going?”
Buck shook his head. “I have interviews lined up, but I figure I’ll be with the 118 for another month or so before everything is settled. Chimney was probably called in to talk about what went on with my transfer request, and that’s how he already learned about it.”
Ravi sighed. “Do you think they’ll put someone new on the shift as captain now?”
Buck shrugged. “I have no idea. I’m going to call HR later and tell them that Chimney clearly misunderstood a conversation we had when talking about my transfer. We’ll see if that’s enough to still give him the promotion.”
“Why would you do that?” Ravi asked in clear irritation.
“Do you remember the blackout and how I ended up filling that paperwork for Chimney?” Buck asked.
Ravi opened his mouth and then closed it again without saying anything. Eventually, he nodded slowly. “I see. That’s … Maybe that’s eventually a price you’ll have to pay for your own sake, Buck.”
Buck turned his head to the side and bit his tongue. “Yeah, maybe. But not right now. I said this to Tommy, too: I can’t lose anyone else for the time being. So, I’ll try to fix this for Chimney and work on preparing myself to possibly be cut off from my family eventually.”
“But we’re staying in contact, right?” Ravi asked. “Even with you changing to another shift?”
Buck grinned widely. “Yeah, of course. That’s my goal with Hen and Eddie, too, but that will depend a lot on how much they’ll do for it, too, right?”
***
For the longest time, Buck wasn’t sure if his intervention with HR did anything to save Chimney’s promotion. He was busy with his own changes in his career and contact with Chimney, and consequently Maddie, grew light for a little while. Buck made sure to call or at least text Maddie at least once a week and tried not to be too hurt when half the time he was met with silence.
Eventually, Buck transferred to B-shift of the 115 not quite four weeks after he’d called HR for information about his transfer request. His goodbye from the 118 was quiet and barely noticed, and Buck was grateful for it. Hen had at least asked if he wanted a goodbye party, but no one else had brought it up with him after he’d told her not to bother. Buck’s last shift with the 118 went like any other shift, and Buck packed the things in his locker without being bothered.
The welcome to the 115 was much warmer, and Buck didn’t have any problem fitting into the team, though he kept cautioning himself not to grow too close to any of his new team members.
Then, another month later, Buck heard from Ravi that Chimney would finally get his full promotion from interim captain to the proper captain of the 118 A-shift. There would be a whole ceremony for it, and the silence from Maddie and Chimney about it stung. But Ravi gave him the date and time of the ceremony, and as it was a date when he was off shift, Buck decided to still show up for it, even though he technically wasn’t invited. As Buck was already showing up uninvited, he convinced Tommy to come with him so he wouldn’t be all alone in that role—and also because it gave him another chance to see Tommy in his dress uniform.
The first person to spot Buck and Tommy when they came into the fire station 118 was Jee-Yun, who came running their way with a loud shout of “Uncle Buck!” immediately. Buck caught her and scooped her up, turning around himself to whirl her through the air, which caused delighted laughter from her. Then Buck settled her on his hip.
“How are you doing, princess?” Buck asked, grinning.
Jee-Yun happily chatted away about different things while Buck and Tommy slowly walked over to where Maddie stood with little Bobo—a nickname Jee-Yun had given her brother and that Buck had adopted because he couldn’t make himself call his nephew Bobby—in a stroller.
“You haven’t come to visit in forever and ever!” Jee-Yun complained with a pout.
“I know,” Buck said with a sad smile. “There has just been a lot going on. I hope I can see you a little more often soon again.”
He didn’t look at Maddie and hoped his sister wouldn’t say anything about it here, of all places, or in front of her children. Tommy’s hand on the small of his back was comforting and helped him keep his resolve. They would eventually have to talk about her freezing him out, cutting him out of her daughter’s life when she was so used to spending time with Buck regularly. But that should happen at a neutral place and far away from little ears.
Jee-Yun huffed, and then she continued her tale, complaining about Bobo crawling into her room and messing up her game with her dolls. Bobo hadn’t been crawling for long yet, and Buck wondered what of his own misadventures in Maddie’s room from when he had been little was the best to share with Jee-Yun as a cautionary tale of little brothers being annoying and nosy by nature.
“Buck, Tommy,” Maddie said, with a smile that looked a little strained. “I didn’t think you’d make it, Buck.”
“Wouldn’t miss Chimney’s big day for anything,” Buck said with raised brows.
Maddie sighed and nodded, then she stared at Tommy with a frown.
“Tommy and I figured things out,” Buck said with a wide smile. “I called him back then when you told me to. With everything going on, we just decided to keep it quiet, you know?”
“That’s great!” Maddie said, but Buck wasn’t sure if she was honest about it.
“It’s great to see you again, Maddie,” Tommy said with a warm smile.
Maddie just nodded.
“So, what’s planned for today?” Buck asked. “You know, I could’ve baked something if you’d wanted to. Or helped organize this in any other way.”
“Hen is responsible for the party,” Maddie said. “You know how she is. She never lets anyone help.”
Tommy laughed. “Only when she needs people to order around for the decorations.”
Maddie blinked, then she started to laugh as well. “I’ve only heard stories about that part. And I think I’m happy to never experience it for myself.”
That broke the weird mood, and then Ravi was suddenly there, and with him there, the mood shifted to something that was easygoing and without a trace of the tension Buck would eventually have to address with his sister.
The ceremony was nice, though Buck was pretty sure Chief Simpson would’ve rather been anywhere else but here and say good things about the 118. They had given him quite a lot of headaches over the past two or so years, after all, and there was no telling if the trend would continue or if life at this station would finally turn a little quieter again.
“You good?” Tommy asked after the cake had been cut and Chimney had finally greeted them, too, though it had been short and very curt.
“I’ll be,” Buck promised. “It’s my final goodbye to this place. And I just have to wait, now. We’ll see what happens with the relationships I built here soon.”
“Maybe give them all some time to get used to you not working here anymore,” Tommy suggested. “Time, so they start missing you.”
“You think that will help?” Buck asked hesitantly.
“I think they’ll start missing you very fast now that things here will go back to some resemblance of normal,” Tommy said softly. “Hen clearly already misses you.”
Buck nodded. Hen was the only one other than Ravi he had heard anything from since his last shift here. It had only been one afternoon when they had met for coffee, but Buck thought that was probably what this friendship would turn into with both of them working different shifts and having busy lives outside of work.
“Thank you for coming with me,” Buck said.
It was a little awkward to be here at all, and Maddie and Chimney were clearly not the only ones who hadn’t expected him to show up. Ravi had been a good deterrent from anyone challenging Buck about being here, but Buck knew the awkwardness might have gotten to him if Tommy hadn’t been here.
Tommy grinned. “Any time, Evan.” Then he winked and added very quietly, “But you don’t need to drag me to an event like this to make me put on the dress uniform for you.”
Buck laughed and squeezed Tommy’s hand. “I’m very much looking forward to getting you out of it later.”
Tommy laughed and pulled Buck over to the buffet, effectively ending that topic. Maybe, Buck mused while they got food, he was wrong in thinking he had only lost things over the past year. Maybe there were things he had gained that he just needed to look closer at instead of focusing on the things he had lost.