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Suck The Rot Right Out of My Blood Stream

Summary:

I can remember many moments throughout my life when I wished I could escape. I dreamed about being whisked away into some fantasy setting.

Turns out being abducted by aliens is not nearly as fun as I thought it would be. Now I've crashed landed on some planet I didn't even know existed, and there's an alien parasite eating its way through my frontal lobe.

Also turns out vampires are real on other planets. I should probably find that weirder but instead I'm too focused on that haunted look in his eyes. Since I'm stuck on this planet, why not try to make the best of it. Who knows maybe along the way I will find the friends I always wanted and the love I never thought I'd have.

Notes:

Depollute me, pretty baby
Suck the rot right out of my bloodstream
Oh, dilute me, gentle angel
Water down what I call being grateful
- "We'll Never Have Sex" by Leith Ross

Chapter 1: Holy Shit Aliens Are Real

Summary:

Authors Note

I got a Steam Deck for Christmas and a gift card with just enough money to buy Baldur's Gate 3. Since then, I've been playing it way too much, and I've come to the conclusion that with a little bit more freedom in that game, I could definitely give every single character an amazingly happy ending. 

I don't know why, but "Shameful Self-insert" is not a tag on AO3. It should be. That is exactly what this fanfic is going to be. This is going to be a horribly indulgent and terribly written self-insert fanfiction about me running around with the Baulders gate 3 characters. I also have yet to actually finish a playthrough of Baldur's gate so I will be writing this as I play the game. If any of you have actually played the game all the way through, I apologize in advance for the ridiculousness you are about to read.


Chapter Text

I think the first time I ever wished I could slip away into a different world was in elementary school. I've been watching cartoons and wanted so badly to walk through that TV screen and into a place that seems so much better. I never really stopped having that thought, but the world I imagine being whisked off to got progressively stranger. This was all fantasy though, obviously. There's no possible way this could actually happen. That I could actually step through a TV and into a better life. 

Of course, it turns out I could, however, be abducted by aliens on my way to work. One minute I'm walking down the sidewalk towards my car, trying my best not to slip on the ice; the next thing I know, I'm stuck in a pod, face-to-face with a purple squid man. I open my mouth to scream, but the sound gets caught in my throat as my heart hammers against my chest. I watch Squid Guy pull something out of a tank and move towards a large pod. The door slides open, and I find myself only that much more horrified as it finishes with that pod and moves on towards me. It pauses at the tank before I'm looking at it eye to eye as my own pod opens. I jerk hard trying to launch myself forward, only to find that I can't move. 

"This can't be real. Fuck ...... Fuck no."

Maybe this is just some sort of awful dream. Any minute now, my alarm will go off, and I'll wake up again in my bed. I'll go into the office, and during lunch, I'll tell my co-workers about the weird nightmare I had. 

I don't realize I have closed my eyes until something warm and slimy touches my cheek, and they snap back open. The squid has its hand (?) on me, and I try to shake it off, but realistically, there's nothing I can do, no way for me to protect myself. When his other hand lifts up in front of me, I see this weird leech-looking thing squirming around. Hundreds of teeth line its mouth, and despite it not having any eyes, it knows exactly where I am. When its mouth turns directly to face me, I let out a blood-curdling scream, which only intensifies when razor-sharp teeth latch onto my eyeball. I shake my head hard, but whatever that little thing was it hardly seems to notice. I don't know if it's blood or tears streaming down my face, but there's something wet runs down my cheeks as I feel it squirm and press itself behind my eye. 

"PLEASE STOP! PLEASE...... GOD TAKE IT OF!"

If the words I am speaking mean anything, the humanoid squid in front of me gives no signal as it turns and walks away. The leech manages somehow to squeeze behind my eye, and I feel a scraping sensation. My pleas turn to babbling. After a little more scraping, I swear I can almost hear a crack coming from my own head, and then the pain is gone. My entire body slumps as I draw a ragged breath. 

Whatever that leech is, it apparently had no effect on my eyesight. I strain against whatever invisible force is holding me still in the pod as I try to see what else is out there. But there's nothing I can see besides a few more pods and that tank. Without the use of my body, there's not a prayer that I'll get out. I can feel the adrenaline wearing off, so even if I was able to move my arms, I wouldn't even have the benefit of a chemical boost to try and break my way out. 

I start crying again quietly, or maybe I didn't stop. This must be how I die. If asked yesterday, I would tell you I didn't even really think aliens existed; now they are going to be my cause of death. As more and more of the adrenaline slips away, my eyes close. I'm not sure what this pod is made out of, but I definitely think it should be feeling a lot less comfortable than it does right now. But hey, I'm going to die, so why not take advantage? 

This pod feels almost like it's cradling me, and rather than force myself to face the end with my eyes open, I let my body give way to sleep.