Chapter Text
“Hey! The president’s about to make his address” Moira shouted from out the window. Such a shame Erik thought, no moment seemed private to them anymore. From the elation of having moved the Satellite dish to now the reality was setting in. Charles seemed more than happy to brush him off and join the others but Erik wasn't so sure if that was what for show or not. He often wished he was the mind reader, sometimes it felt as if Charles was so good at acting fine that it was impossible to ever tell if he was or not.
The president’s mention of Cuba led to a wave of recognition in the room that this was it. The end of a search which had taken up the majority of his life. He couldn’t help but worry this was bound to fail, like with his attempt on the Caspartina.
Failure. It felt odd to describe that night like that now. The night he met Charles and his life changed forever. Maybe Cuba was bound to end the same way; their lives forever changed.
Are You okay? Something on your mind
As if you even have to ask
I told you I don’t just go snooping in people’s heads, I can’t help but hear surface thoughts-
Pssst Okay, I was only kidding. I want to go to your room now and fuck you until…
Christ Erik it’s the middle of the day
What if this is it.
- - -
What if this is it.
The words rang through Charles’ head for the rest of the day. He hadn't really considered it, which is stupid because this entire mission had been about preparing for a battle to prevent nuclear war. Still, it seemed hardly real that tomorrow could be the end. They could really all die for this.
The selfish side of him obviously began to panic about his own mortality. He was still so young, had done so little really, and to get involved in this life threatening of a mission, for what. Really it was Moira’s fault he was in this position, well the CIA’s really. Oh who was he kidding, he chose this, this entire mission, bringing the teenagers into this, convincing Erik to stay, continuing in his old home after the attack, all of this was his fault. So when does the bravery kick in? He was stuck here staring at his pale face in the mirror, watching his chest rise and fall faster and faster, his arms burning from the instinctive scratching.
“Everything okay?” Erik entered right on cue
“Yeah, um not really”
“I know,” Erik sighed, lowering himself down onto Charles’ bed, staring at the pair’s reflections in the old mirror. The frame was some sort of metal although Erik wasn’t entirely sure what. It had a gold paint job which had faded over the years, leaving it with an almost copper colour, although far more dirty than that. The metal had etchings on it of vines climbing up the frame, and yet despite all of this beauty, it couldn’t engulf Charles’ reflection. The man he loved who was now picking at every spot on his face, maybe because he wanted to use the pain to distract himself, or maybe he truly believed he had some sort of imperfection that needed to be fixed before their fates tomorrow. As if Gan Eden or Heaven would not accept him without it, as if anything out there even exists.
Erik’s sigh startled Charles a little
“I don’t know if I can do this Erik. I don't know if I have it in me”
“Shh what are you talking about Liebling” Erik stood up and pulled Charles away from the Mirror “all you have done this week is show us that we do have it in us.”
“If we do survive this” Charles looked right into Erik’s eyes “then you have to promise me that you won’t hide anymore”
Erik scoffed “I’m not hiding”
Charles pushed away frustrated “You are such a liar, all I want is to be with you, for real, and you can’t even say yes to that”
“We are together, for real, I don’t know what you want”
“What I want is to be able to wake up in the morning and see you lying next to me, I want to be able to do things without this constant anxiety surrounding everything, I want you to be mine. Sometimes it feels as if you are the only one in a relationship, getting everything and giving nothing back”
“I do give back, I’m sorry I care enough about your safety that I don’t do things in public. I’m sorry for wanting this to be private”
Charles, clearly fed up, dropped onto the bed. Before he could lie back, Erik grabbed the back of his neck, straddling the younger man, and launched into a kiss. Deeper and harder is all Erik could think about now, anything to get his mind off tomorrow or the argument. The reality was he didn't believe he could love anyone more than he loved Charles. Kissing before had felt slightly dirty, fine at best, but he always saw them as a means to an end. Often doing it for some vital information, not for any real connection. But that first time with Charles, it was the first time he felt like he really connected with anyone, first time he really understood the appeal of opening yourself up to someone else, whether it was physical or emotional. He guessed he still hadn’t gotten very good at the emotional part though but who could blame him.
As Charles’ lips moved down his neck, nothing really mattered. If they died tomorrow it would still have all been worth it. Everything that has happened to him. Everything that he has done. In that moment he was in full acceptance.
Charles pressed himself against Erik’s hard on. Continuing the kiss, with his free hand he unzipped Erik’s fly and wrapped his hand around his cock. As he began to rub, he slipped his tongue into Erik’s mouth and used his other hand to pull on his hair.
This was complete ecstasy Erik thought. In his dying thoughts this is what he would see, this is where he would be. He was completely convinced that it would be the end tomorrow, that it would be okay, Charles would be okay. Maybe he would go back to Oxford and continue his research or maybe he would stay here and continue teaching teenage mutants. Either way he would be okay. Maybe he would find someone else, that would be okay, he deserved it. Obviously it would hurt him a little but then again he would be dead so really he would never know. He was lucky enough to have lived in this time where he was able to meet Charles Francis Xavier. He had made peace with it, if only death felt as good as this.
Erik moaned into Charles’ mouth as he came, clutching the younger man closer as he finished.
Out of breath Erik panted “do you want me to do you next?”
Charles stood up and shook his head “I’m too stressed about tomorrow to be turned on, its okay though I’ll clean up”
---
It didn’t take long for Erik to fall asleep; Charles’ pulse couldn’t stop bordering on a heart attack though. He never really thought of himself as afraid of death. Last time he found himself living in this house he was considering death every other day or so. He had ended rationalising that suicide was far too violent for him, he was too much of a wimp to ever really commit to it, he’d instead hoped for a long time that one day he would just stop existing and that would be that. He should have been smart enough to realise that's not exactly how it works, if you keep trudging along in life then eventually you wake up at 28 realising you’re living a future you never really planned for yourself. Obviously the circumstances were different now though. He had people who depended on him now, not just Raven, although he always believed that if something did happen to him she would be alright, but also Hank, Alex and Sean. And now he had Erik, and as much as they fought, he couldn’t really be much happier. The fighting was only out of desire for more happiness with him. That was the difference now, he had a reason to keep going.
All of this was circling through his head over and over and over again.
He turned over to his alarm clock to see the time.
3am
Great. Still a few hours before he could reasonably get out of bed.
Well then again, these were exceptional circumstances.
He slipped out of bed, careful to make sure he didn’t shake Erik awake. He thought about it for a minute, this was the first time he had ever even seen Erik sleeping. Finally he got what he wanted he guessed, but at this time he couldn’t really be bothered staring at Erik’s face. He needed to do something.
---
Erik’s hand felt the empty space beside him before his eyes had a chance to open. To say it was disappointing was an understatement, He guessed he could understand Charles’ frustrations now. On today of all days, to not wake up to Charles’ pretty sleeping face felt like a bad omen to say the least, then again after their fight yesterday he supposed he deserved a taste of his own medicine.
Charles was sat at the kitchen table, staring into a steaming cup of tea.
“How long have you been up?”
“2 hours I think” Charles responded, his voice barely louder than a whisper
“How many of these have you had” Erik tapped the mug
“Too many” Charles chuckled “I’ve got to make sure I don’t end up wetting myself while we’re in Cuba”
“Honestly, I feel the same except I haven’t had anything to drink”
Charles gave a half hearted laugh
“Raven’s waking up now, same with Alex and Moira and I don’t think Sean got any sleep last night” Charles turned to Erik more seriously
“What about Hank?” Erik responded
“He’s not here, I’m not exactly sure where he’s gone but I haven’t been able to feel him since I’ve been awake.”
“Have you looked for him” Erik was alarmed, he wasn’t going to let some spotty teenager fuck this up for him
“No” Charles took a sip of his tea “I didn’t want to panic everyone, I have complete confidence in Hank that he didn’t run away last minute”
Erik looked at him in complete disbelief
“Also I saw a note he left on the door of the lab. Gosh you really have no faith”
“I’ve been burned too many times” Erik gave him a playful shove “come on lets see what he’s been up to”
---
This was it.
This was his moment.
Erik boarded the blackbird filled with nothing but determination.
Nothing but determination and admiration for the man sat opposite him. Charles buckled himself in and spoke confidently to the group. Erik wasn’t really listening, he knew exactly what he had to do. It was incredible though, how the man in front of him, yesterday seemed so fragile and scared, now was leading them all into battle, like a commander of a great army. Into the valley of death, rode the six hundred. Well not quite.
Erik just hoped when it happened that he would be right back in that moment with Charles. Their mouths entangled into one. When it is over it will just be them together.
But first, duty calls.