Work Text:
It was quiet.
The wind did not even dare to whisper, nor rustle through the trees, despite the forest lining the rear of the Harrington’s property. In another life, the stillness may have been peaceful, but tonight, Nancy found it oppressive. It put her on edge, as if this was the calm before the next storm to inevitably rip through her unlucky little town.
Her mind drifted to the last time she’d sat out by this pool at night. Had it been just as quiet? It felt like those memories came from another life; clandestine parties, alcohol and poor decisions… Her eyes wandered over to the side of the pool, chewing on her lip as the visions Vecna had showed her 18 months ago flashed before her eyes.
Barb’s last moments. Nancy felt sick. Averting her eyes, she made a go of studying the pool deck instead, tracing the lines and cracks beneath her bare feet, snaking out across the cement surface. They were like vines; she could almost see them twisting and moving, just like they had in the-
Nancy squeezed her eyes shut tight, rubbing at them with her knuckles. It would seem the quieter it got, the louder her mind became. She almost yearned for the chaos of the last 48 hours, compared to the stifling waiting game they were now forced to play.
With a sigh, she crossed her arms over her chest, rubbing them to ward off the chilly night air. Her brown wool sweater was rough under her hands, and she focused on the scratchy sensation, allowing it to hold her mind here, now. Her gaze landed on the house; the windows were dark, the house appearing just as eerily quiet as the disconcerting silence outside. A soft sigh escaped her lips.
The Harringtons were not home; they’d left town soon after the ‘earthquake’, happy to leave their only son behind to ‘look after the place’. Nancy stifled a derisive snort. Her parents were far from perfect, but the way Steve’s had so willingly abandoned him never failed to irk her. But having a large, empty home lying around turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
After their victory over Vecna and return from the Upside Down, the military had taken them into custody. They’d been quarantined to their homes, but with hers in such disarray, Steve had kindly offered his home to Nancy, Mike and Holly. With her parents still in the hospital, Nancy couldn’t help but accept. Dustin and Robin had somehow managed to finagle an invite as well, and the lot of them had holed up in Steve’s family home, awaiting judgement.
Her eyes passed over the windows on the second floor, cataloguing as she went: in the guest room, she’d left Holly sleeping, and Mike pretending to sleep. Dustin and Steve were sharing his room, and she and Robin would share Steve’s parents’ room.
Her eyes settled on the window she knew led to the guest room. Her heart ached for her brother. He was crushed after… what had happened to El. No words, no actions, nothing could comfort him. And her sister… Nancy still felt anxious when she wasn’t right beside Holly. What if she disappeared again?
The familiar fear rose up from her chest to her throat, constricting her airway and making it hard to breath. The suffocating anxiety was the reason she’d slipped out to the backyard in the first place, but the cool night air had not helped. The problem was inside her mind, borne of the jarring transition from battlefield to relative safety.
Rationally, she knew she and her family would not be harmed here, but it was hard to believe it could be all over, just like that. She’d seen Vecna die. She’d rescued Holly herself. But the doubt, insidious in its infection of her heart and mind, lurked like a terrible shadow, following her thoughts no matter what avenue she tried to direct them down.
It couldn’t be over. How could it just be over?
Why was it so damn quiet?
As if to answer her unspoken question, the screeching sound of the sliding patio door, its tracks in need of a good cleaning, tore through the silence of the night, causing Nancy to nearly jump out of her skin. Her head snapped towards the sound and she stared wide-eyed, one hand pressed to her chest as Steve poked his head out.
“Hey Nance- Oh. Sorry,” he apologized as he stepped fully into view, seeming to realize that he’d startled her. As he pulled the door shut behind him, the grating, screeching sound rent another wound on the silent night. Nancy winced, as did Steve.
“Ugh,” Steve muttered. “I need to fix that.”
“Probably a good idea,” Nancy replied. As their eyes met, Nancy couldn’t help the warm smile that seemed to commandeer her lips, despite the turmoil in her heart. There was just something about Steve that numbed the discordance in her soul, though it did not banish the feeling entirely.
Steve took her smile to be an invitation, though Nancy was uncertain whether she’d meant it as such. She wasn’t really sure of anything when it came to Steve these days. As he padded across the pool deck towards her, she was quick to note the slight awkwardness in his gait. Her words fell quickly, sharpened out of concern.
“Are you hurt?”
Steve shook his head and took a seat beside her, on the edge of the lounge chair. It creaked and groaned quietly under his weight.
“Nothing serious. I tweaked my ankle running away from that…” he gestured to the air, at a loss for words to describe the massive monstrosity they’d faced. “… uh, thing. You know?”
Still concerned, Nancy insisted on checking him over. “Let me see.”
“Don’t worry about me,” Steve assured her. Tugging up his left pant leg he revealed a rather professional looking wrap job of sports bandages and medical tape. Nancy raised an eyebrow and Steve shrugged. “I’ve taped up a few sports injuries in my day. It was easy enough.”
“’In your day’? We’re not that old yet, Steve,” Nancy chided, giving him a half smile at his turn of phrase. Steve chuckled.
“Yeah? I feel old.” He laughed again, but this time it was humorless. Nancy watched as he rubbed a hand over his face, the exhaustion bleeding through the brave face he tried to maintain. “I feel tired. Bone-tired, Nance. Feel like I could sleep for a year.”
He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees to support himself. Nancy laid a hand on his shoulder.
“Maybe you should go rest, then,” she said gently, but Steve shook his head.
“Can’t,” he admitted, only half looking up at her from his folded position. “It’s too quiet, and my head’s just…”
Steve shook his head. Nancy nodded and dropped her hands into her lap. Her gaze followed. “Yeah… mine too.”
Silence filled the space between them for a moment before Steve shifted beside her. His hand entered her field of vision as he grasped hers, lacing their fingers together. Surprised, Nancy snuck a glance at him out of the corner of her eye, but Steve remained folded forward, staring at the ground. Steve didn’t speak, so neither did Nancy.
Instead, she turned her gaze back to their joined hands. It had been so long, and so much had happened… she couldn’t even recall the last time she’d held his hand like this. Yet in some ways holding Steve’s hand felt familiar too. His hand was larger than hers, and so, so warm, just as it had always been. His palm was familiarly calloused, probably from all the sports he played, and perhaps from wielding a bat against a Demogorgon or two, Nancy thought.
A hint of a smile crept upon her lips, only to fade as the reality of that thought hit her. The last few years, the Upside Down, the Mind Flayer… it had changed them. It had touched every single one of them in one way or another. Even if it really was over, the memories, the scars… none of it was going away any time soon. Maybe not ever.
Involuntarily she tightened her grip on Steve’s hand as the oppressive fluttering started in her chest again, working its way up to her throat where it sat as an obstinate pressure, threatening to summon forth tears. Nancy tried to swallow down the lump in her throat, but as Steve tightened his grip on her fingers in return and ran his thumb so sweetly over the back of her hand, the dam seemed to burst, and words fell from her lips as tears gathered in her eyes.
“I just can’t believe… that it’s over. We won, but somehow, I still feel like we lost.” The honest words cut through the silence of the night like a knife. Steve continued tracing patterns with his thumb on her hand but remained silent. Nancy shook her head, trying to banish the tears from her eyes, blinking rapidly as their joined hands began to blur.
The silence seemed to drag out between them now, a pregnant pause that threatened to punish Nancy for her vulnerability. Before long, the lounger creaked and shifted as Steve sat up straighter, though his hand did not leave hers. He let out a long shaky breath.
“That’s because we did lose, Nance. We lost her. Even after everything-“ his voice broke and he cleared his throat. “You know, she was the one I wasn’t worried about. Never thought she’d be the one to need protecting.”
Nancy scoffed, still fighting back her tears. “Are you serious? She was in the most danger of all.”
“Yeah, I guess. But no one else has… had… superpowers. She was the most capable of all of us too,” Steve said quietly. Nancy felt more than saw him hesitate before he next spoke. He seemed to tense, his hand twitching in her grasp as he let out a long sigh. “It was my plan, Nance.”
She looked up at him, the words of reassurance spoken quickly. Automatic, almost. “You couldn’t have known. None of us could have.”
“I didn’t even think about the soldiers! I didn’t consider what might happen when we got back. Of course they’d be waiting for us-“
“Steve-“
“And now we’re quarantined in my parents’ house, separated from our friends, waiting for them to decide our fate.”
Steve yanked his hand free of Nancy’s and stood. He threw up his hands as he paced a few steps away from her. “Don’t they know we saved the goddamn world? Doesn’t seem like much of a hero’s reward to me.”
“A hero’s welcome,” Nancy supplied softly, watching him with wide, wet eyes.
“What?”
“A hero’s welcome,” Nancy repeated. “That’s the saying.”
“Right. Well, whatever.” His voice was sour, but Nancy could see the way he carried the weight of what had happened in the slope of his shoulders and the crease in his brow. He’d spent years protecting those kids; Nancy could tell he felt like he’d failed. She knew it wasn’t true. She suspected Steve knew it wasn’t true, too. But he was grieving, and so was she.
A tear slipped down her face, and another. Steve turned away from her, smoothing one hand over his face as he did so. Nancy felt the grief, and the stress, and the fear, and the joy and the exhaustion ball up in her stomach, pressing up, up, up on her diaphragm until she couldn’t help the soft sob that left her lips. Steve visibly flinched, posture rigid as one hand tugged at his hair in frustration.
Nancy wrapped her trembling arms around her torso, hugging herself in an attempt to self-soothe her tears back inside. It was ineffective. Desperate for comfort, she looked to Steve, hating the way she yearned to hold his hand again. She detested the tremble in her voice as she called out to him, her nerves fraught and fried.
“Steve…”
It took him a beat to respond, and when he did his voice was thick with sorrow. “Yeah Nance?”
Now that she had his attention, she was at a loss of what to say. What did she want from him? Thoughts flipped and flopped through her brain until her mind settled on one, lips trembling as she spoke.
“I’m so glad you didn’t fall,” she blurted out, her words finishing with a sob. “I’m so glad you’re here, Steve. I’m so so so happy you’re not… you’re not… But El is and Mike is just-“
Nancy slapped a hand over her mouth, desperate to prevent any further blathering. Steve was there instantly, kneeling in front of her. He took both of her hands in his and held them gently, rubbing his thumb over the back of her right hand. She sobbed again and shook her head, the words slipping out again before she could check them. “I-I should be helping him. I feel like I’m a bad sister, I-“
“No, no hey, Nance. You’re not-“
“Steve-“
“Nance, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. Right here.” Steve tried to get her to look at him, but Nancy kept her gaze glued to their joined hands. He grasped her fingers so gently, and she held his tightly in comparison, desperate for something to ground her lest she float away with her tumultuous emotions.
“I’m sorry,” she managed through her tears.
“You don’t have to apologize.” Steve’s voice was soft, and it gave Nancy the courage to look him in the eye. His were glistening with tears too, but he hadn’t let them fall.
“I know,” she said, heaving a shaky sigh. “I just… I don’t want to cry I just-“
Steve’s chuckle caught her off guard. “Nobody is too tough to cry,” he told her, as a tear slipped down his own face as if to prove his point. “Not even you, Nancy Wheeler.”
Nancy tried to laugh as she removed one hand from his, trying to rub the tears from her eyes. She was desperate to find some semblance of control over herself, but her body refused to listen to her commands. The tears kept coming; embarrassing, shameful things, running down her face.
“Hey,” Steve said softly, climbing back up onto the lounge chair to sit beside her. He put one arm around her shoulders and gently tugged her towards him. “C’mere Nance.”
“I’m fine,” she insisted, frustration building as she scrubbed at the tears that wouldn’t quit. Steve just tugged at her shoulder again.
“Lemme help. Please…” His words were kind and inviting, and before she knew it, Nancy was letting him pull her against his chest, reflexively wrapping her arms tightly around Steve’s torso. He kept one arm around her back, and the other hand tangled in her hair, brushing softly through the curly strands. With each pass of his fingers through her hair, she felt her heart begin to settle, and her tears begin to subside.
It wasn’t long before all she could feel were Steve’s strong arms, wrapped around her; his hand, gently tangling in her hair; she could hear his heartbeat, thrumming away in his chest, the rhythm steady and comforting. It felt so right, to rest here in Steve’s arms. She felt safe and comfortable. Finally, she didn’t feel so alone.
Nancy bit her lip. Steve. Her Steve. Why did he have to make her feel like this, even after all these years? She wasn’t ready for these feelings to come back. There was no time to play the lovesick school girl right now. She had Mike and Holly to care for. And who knew what they were going to do about the military. And even if it all worked out, what would happen when she went off to college and he-
“I can hear the wheels in your brain turning.” Steve’s voice was rich and deep, rumbling through his chest to her ear. Nancy tightened her arms around him and scoffed, loathe to leave this place of comfort until she had to.
“Am I that obvious?” she murmured into his chest.
“I know you. And I know you’re thinking about all the things you’ve gotta take care of.” His fingers carded through her hair again, catching on some of the strands and pulling slightly, but not in an unpleasant way. “But Nance? Just let yourself rest for a moment.”
“It’s not that easy, Steve,” she murmured, sighing softly into his chest.
“Yes, it is,” Steve chuckled, rubbing her back and then pulling away slightly. When their eyes met, his were mirthful but understanding. He looked handsome, with that perfectly tousled hair and big brown eyes. Much to Nancy’s dismay, her heart skipped a beat. Oblivious, Steve smiled and said, “Just turn off that wonderful brain of yours for once.”
Nancy scoffed again, her hands slipping to the front of his chest. She tried to look unaffected, reaching for nonchalance as she asked, “Is that what you do?”
Steve shrugged. “I mean, sometimes, yeah.”
“Explains a lot,” Nancy deadpanned. As his jaw dropped, she gave him a wink and a small, playful smile, though her heart still played fast and loose with a regular rhythm given his proximity. Steve’s smiled joined hers momentarily and he rolled his eyes.
“Ha-ha, Wheeler. You’re hilarious.”
“You know I’m only joking,” Nancy insisted. Without thinking, she reached up and laid her hand on his cheek. Steve’s eyes widened and he drew in a soft, but noticeable breath before he next spoke.
“Yeah, I know.”
Nancy hesitated a moment, staring up at Steve, wondering if she’d overstepped. Before she could overthink it further, she asked, “So, what do you do, when you turn your brain off?”
Steve knitted his eyebrows, obviously confused. And potentially distracted, Nancy noted, as his eyes flicked towards the side of his face where her hand lay.
“I dunno,” he said, frowning for a moment and dropping her gaze. When he looked back up, his expression was earnest and open, so full of honesty. “I just… follow my heart, Nance. It hasn’t led me astray so far.”
Nancy sucked in a breath, the butterflies in her stomach joining the erratic rhythm of her heart. Just follow her heart? As her eyes flicked down to his lips involuntarily, she knew exactly what her heart wanted her to do. She also knew that would be a very stupid thing to do, but before she even registered what was happening, she was doing it anyways. Her lips were already on Steve’s. She was kissing him. She was kissing Steve Harrington… and he wasn’t kissing her back. She stayed for another awkward moment before jolting backwards like she’d been burned.
Nancy stared at him wide-eyed and ashamed, like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Steve was similarly wide-eyed and slack jawed, his shock nearly palpable. Desperately she tried to back pedal, but when she opened her mouth, no sound came out. Horrified, she shook her head. What had she just done?
Again, she tried to speak, and succeeded this time, though it would seem Steve found his voice at the same time as she did.
“God. Shit! I’m sorry-“
“Uh, Nancy what was-“
They both stared at each other, flabbergasted. After a few beats of awkward silence where she wanted nothing more than to die on the spot, Nancy finally managed to find some composure and shot up from the chair. Since the universe didn’t seem to want to strike her down and free her from her embarrassment, she would much rather slip back inside and wallow in her humiliation without Steve’s big brown eyes begging her for an explanation.
“Look, I’m sorry Steve. I shouldn’t have done that,” she turned away and started making a bee line for the house. “This was a mistake I-“
“It was a mistake?” Steve’s voice was soft and even, but the hurt that bled into his words stopped her in her tracks. She spun around and found him standing beside the lounger, watching her with a pained expression on his face. Nancy felt her stomach sink to her feet. She remembered that look, just barely. Drunk at a house party, when she’d broken his heart.
“No. I mean, yes! I mean,” Nancy shook her head and threw up her hands. Unable to articulate her feelings she just hissed, “You didn’t even kiss me back!”
“Well I-“ Steve sputtered, his mouth gaping like a fish out of water as he searched for the words. Finally, he blurted indignantly, “You surprised me!”
“Look, I just… there’s a lot going on right now, and I don’t know where my head is at, but we can’t-“
“Why can’t we?” Though his words were measured, his tone was sharp. Frustrated. “You know how I feel, Nance. And I think you don’t feel so vastly different, do you?”
“That doesn’t matter-“
Steve scoffed and threw up his hands before placing them on his hips. “How on earth can’t that matter? It’s all that matters.”
Incredulous, Nancy marched back over to him and gave his shoulder a soft shove, as if she could physically transmit reality into his body through touch alone. “There is so much more to it. We’re not kids anymore. This is the real world.”
“Oh yeah, right. The real world, with the Upside Down and an evil space wizard and kids with superpowers.” Steve shook his head. He gestured out to the darkness. “We make it through all that, and you’re worried that the real world might do us in? I don’t think so, Nance. What I feel for you is stronger than that.”
Nancy’s frustration soared, and she couldn’t help the way her voice rose. “Steve. How don’t you understand? It doesn’t matter what we feel, if our paths are going in opposite directions.”
“Who says they’re going in different directions?” Steve’s voice had risen too.
“You!” Nancy exclaimed, fire building in her words. “You want a house, and an RV and road trips. And six kids! And I-I want… I-”
“Well, what do you want, Nancy? At least I’ve been up front about what I want. And how I feel.”
The words were accusatory and Nancy felt herself shut down. She hated being backed into a corner by anyone, especially him. She wasn’t an open book like he was. It just wasn’t her character.
“Whatever, Steve,” she muttered, rolling her eyes and turning around. Steve caught her arm.
“No, I’m serious, Nancy. What do you want? Because I’m tired of guessing where your head is at.” He tugged at her arm and she reluctantly turned around. Sharpened by his conviction, his gaze held a sudden intensity, pinning her to the spot.
“I want you. It’s always been you, Nance. The kids, the road trips, all of it… that’s not the point. You are the point. And if you feel the same way…” He took her hands in his. “Then we’d find a future that suits us both.”
With a huff, Nancy shattered the hopeful look on his face. It broke her heart, watching the disappointment pull his lips into a frown, and the hurt blossom in his eyes, but she shook her head. She just couldn’t see it. She wanted to, but she couldn’t. “It’s a pipe dream, Steve. You can’t just ‘find’ the future you want for us.“
He dropped her hands and made a frustrated sound. “You can’t be serious Nance-“
“Well, I am!” Once again, her voice rose, the heat of the moment building to a boiling point in her blood. “I am serious, Steve. I don’t know what I want, because I’ve spent all my time fighting monsters instead of just… being a normal girl. I should be buying clothes and getting my hair permed and obsessing over stupid boys from chemistry class… but instead I spent the last year and a half quarantined and searching for an evil being from another dimension. I didn’t get to go to Emerson. I’ve never even left Hawkins. This life… Steve… it’s not the life we were supposed to have. And the person I am right now… she doesn’t exist without the Upside Down, and the monsters and… Vecna.”
She said that violent being’s name in a near whisper, as if the words alone could summon him back to life. Wrapping her arms around her middle and supressing a shiver, continued with her impromptu speech.
“And the truth is, I need to figure out who I’m going to be now, before I can know what I want. I’m glad you’re so sure of what the future holds for you, Steve, but I’m just… not.”
Steve closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his eyes. There was an air of resignation about him, and Nancy’s heart dropped into her stomach as she watched him concede to her logic. There’d been a part of her that had hoped he’d convince her otherwise, she realized. She’d wanted him to disagree with her. She’d wanted him. Her disappointment made his next words more than bittersweet to her ears.
“Then go to college, Nance. Attend all those boring classes. Join every club, go to every party. Even the one that’s on the night before your next important exam, the one where you go so hard you wake up hungover, nearly late for class, but you ace it and get an A anyways.”
Nancy couldn’t help the laughter that escaped her lips, and she didn’t fight the soft smile that began to grow on her face. Steve’s smiled joined hers, tentative but honest.
“Meet some new friends, and some new guys.” Steve winked but Nancy’s brows drew together. It wasn’t about that.
“Steve-“
“You’ll meet a dangerous asshole. He’ll probably break your heart,” he cut her off as he continued, his smile contrasting with the steel in his eyes. She could tell it was costing him a lot to say all this. “Then you’ll date a sweet, gentle guy, and you’ll break his. You’ll graduate and get a job at some fancy newspaper, and you’ll live the big city life you’ve always been curious about.”
Steve’s smile faded. He took her hand. Nancy’s breath caught in her chest.
“But don’t forget about us, Nance. Don’t forget about Robin, or Jonathan… or me. Because if you wake up one day in that amazing, accomplished life of yours and decide there might be room for a handsome, small-town guy you used to know, I’ll be here, Nance. I’ll always be here.”
And just like that, he had her stomach in knots again. Of course, she wanted him in her life, but she also wanted everything he’d just described. Maybe not exactly like that, but she wanted to room to live and grow and make mistakes on her own, at least for a little while. But she didn’t want to leave him behind. And she didn’t really think it was fair to keep him waiting for her.
Her head hurt. Her heart ached. She wanted him to be happy too, but the thought of him happy with someone else... Maybe she was a selfish person. Or maybe she was just too scared to admit what she really wanted. Maybe she just wanted- “Steve…”
“And keep in mind,” Steve interrupted, giving her a mock-serious look. “This guy from that small town? He has really, very excellent hair.”
An involuntary burst of laughter escaped Nancy’s lips at Steve’s cheesy but endearing words. Shaking her head, she said, “Well, when you put it like that…”
As their shared mirth faded, her heart ached even more keenly. Steve squeezed her hand, reminding her that he had yet to let go of it. Placing his other hand on the side of her head he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head, forcing her heart to miss another beat.
“Don’t look at me like that, Nance. This isn’t goodbye. At least… not yet.”
Nancy didn’t want there to ever be a goodbye, but she respected his wishes. It wasn’t his dream to go to Emerson after all. She couldn’t expect him to chase her all the way there, just as he didn’t expect her to give that up for him. But still, she wondered where they stood now.
“And until then?” she chanced the question, lying to herself as she pretended she was not certain what she was hoping for.
Steve studied her thoughtfully. At last, he stepped forward and pulled her into an embrace. “I don’t know… I’m just glad we’re both here. Glad we made it.”
Nancy found herself hugging him tightly and she buried her face in his chest. Steve smelled nice as always; she had never been sure if it was a cologne or just him, but pressed up against his chest like this, she always just felt so safe. Home. Steve sighed into her hair, and she held him even tighter, unwilling to let go until she absolutely had to.
Steve was the one who pulled away first, holding her at arm’s length again.
“Hey Nance, can I ask for one more thing?”
“Of course you can.”
With a winning smile he asked, “Can I kiss you?”
Nancy’s jaw dropped, flabbergasted. “Can you what?”
“Look, just hear me out,” Steve’s playfulness was back, and it was as charming as ever. Nancy felt herself soften instantly to his next words. “I just had the chance, for the first time in years, to kiss the girl of my dreams. And I blew it Nance! Completely blew it.”
Steve fixed those big, pleading brown eyes on her. Nancy already knew what her answer would be before he even asked.
“So whataya say, Nancy? Once more, before we see what the real world has in store for us?”
Nancy found herself shaking her head at him, but all she felt was affection. Steve had always been endearing and now was no exception.
With a smile she said, “You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.”
A grin split his features. “And you’re so, so beautiful, Nancy Wheeler.”
Then he wrapped his left arm around her waist and pulled her against his chest. His other hand cupped her cheek, tilting her chin up. As he leaned in, their noses brushed and Nancy found her eyes fluttering closed as she waited with bated breath for the sweet, sweet press of Steve’s lips against her own. He hesitated just long enough to catch her off guard when he finally did kiss her, but as his lips slotted against hers, it was familiar as breathing. Nancy kissed him back, holding him close and hoping this kiss went on forever.
Steve broke the kiss far too soon for her liking, and without thinking she followed it up with another. His sharp inhale betrayed his surprise, but he kissed her back, lips moving sweetly against her own, and he reciprocated with another kiss after that.
Although she’d never admit it, all the pent-up frustration she’d garnered from months of fighting the natural chemistry she had with Steve finally spilled over. The sensation of relief and the strength of her desire was overwhelming; Nancy willingly lost herself in his embrace.
All she knew was how perfect Steve’s lips felt on hers; gentle but passionate; intense but playful. She craved him, the feeling igniting a fire in her core. She was not tentative about it when she swiped her tongue against his lips to deepen the kiss, just as Steve was far from shy as he let her in instantly, returning the kiss with a fire of his own.
As they kissed, they slowly moved across the pool deck towards the house, until Nancy found herself with her back pressed against the wall of the house beside that frightful sliding door. The wooden siding was rough even through her sweater, but she barely registered the sensation.
Instead, every ounce of her attention was on Steve and the way he towered over her, planting a forearm on the wall beside her head and wrapping his other arm behind her back, pulling her hips tightly to his own as he went in for another kiss. Nancy gasped as the tips of his fingers slipped beneath her sweater, the sensation electric against the bare skin of her back. Steve kissed down her neck, sucking gently at the spot just below her jaw that he obviously knew she loved. A breathy sound left her lips and she moaned, “Steve…”
His lips were on hers instantly, capturing the sound and muffling a groan of his own as she slipped one hand beneath his shirt. She traced her hand across his abdomen, his skin warm beneath her fingertips. Nancy relished in the way he bit her lip playfully, and the subtle groan she pulled from his lips as she trailed her hand downwards, hooking in the waistband of his jeans. She thumbed the button on his pants, hesitating before she took things further.
The location they’d chosen for this impromptu make out session wasn’t exactly ideal, and besides, Nancy still wasn’t entirely sure what they were doing right now. But she also wasn’t certain she cared. After all this talk of not knowing what she wanted, she was finally sure of one thing: she wanted to be in Steve’s arms right now, and for the rest of the night, if she could.
To her surprise, Steve grasped her hand, moving it back up his body to his chest instead. The muscles on his chest rippled under her hand as he leaned over, kissing his way along her jaw to whisper in her ear, “We should probably find somewhere a little more private, if we’re going to do that.”
Nancy kissed and nipped at his neck just below his ear, causing him to shudder in her arms. “Where would we go? It’s a bit of a full house.”
She had enough presence of mind to feel a bit of guilt, knowing her own siblings rested upstairs, but her feelings for Steve were making it hard to think straight, as were his lips on her collarbone, as he pulled the neckline of her sweater aside and traced her skin with his tongue.
Kissing his way back towards her face he mumbled between kisses, “Study… on the… main floor. There’s a couch… door…” he kissed her deeply, pressing his tongue into her mouth and tangling with her own in the most sinful of ways. Nancy moaned into his mouth involuntarily. “…locks.” He finally finished his statement, murmuring the words against her lips before capturing them in another kiss as he ran his hand down her body, cupping her breast through her sweater, squeezing firmly.
He kissed her deeply once, twice, three times more before pulling away panting. He rested his forehead against hers and murmured, “But only if you want to, Nance.”
Rationally, Nancy knew she shouldn’t. It was a stupid decision. It was absolutely ridiculous. She was acting like a lovesick school girl right now, but to be fair… that was exactly what she had told Steve she’d missed out on over these last few years.
So, she followed her heart. Or at least, that’s what she was going to call it, if anyone ever found out and asked her why she did something so stupid.
“I want to, Steve,” she whispered against his lips before pulling him in for another kiss.
Breathlessly he replied between kisses, “Yeah?”
She nodded and then nuzzled her face in his neck. “Yeah… I really do.”
Kissing her way up the column of his throat she felt more than heard the soft groan rumble up from his chest. Suddenly, Steve grasped her legs beneath her thighs and picked her up. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist and clutched at Steve’s shoulders as he hoisted her up a little more securely on his waist. He moved away from the wall, still carrying her as he tried to wrench open the sliding door.
“Goddammit this stupid thing,” Steve muttered, struggling to juggle her in one arm and manage the door with the other. “Damn piece of junk if you ask me.”
Nancy giggled. “Put me down, it’ll be easier.”
“No,” Steve said petulantly before fixing her with a smirk, even as his free hand still tugged at the unmovable door. “I happen to really like holding you like this.”
“Yeah?” Nancy murmured, kissing him with a smile. Steve smiled back at her and gave her another kiss.
“Mmmhmm.”
Finally, the door slid open with that irritating screech.
Steve stumbled a bit. “Whoa, I- Oh shit!”
Shocked by his outburst Nancy turned her head and then gasped in horror as her eyes met Robin’s. The poor girl was staring at them slack jawed, with a horrified, semi-disgusted look on her face. Steve promptly released her and Nancy slid off him in the most ungraceful, shameful manner, standing on wobbly legs at his side, completely at a loss for words.
The three of them stared at each other, Robin’s head swinging between the two, her mouth moving but no sound coming out for once. Finally, after another glance to Steve, Robin found her voice.
“Oh, uh I just, um I saw and I,” Robin backed away as she stammered. “I mean it just- You were having trouble with the door and I just, uh yep. Yeah, I just did that. Oh god, I just did that, and you guys just did that and, well… here we are!”
Robin’s nervous laughter filled the air, hanging in it awkwardly. Steve dropped his head into his hands. Nancy cringed, embarrassment filling her from her head all the way down to her toes.
With a deep breath, she tried to find some way to salvage the situation, “Look, Robin-“
“Nope! No. No, no, no,” Robin said, cutting her off and shaking her head, her hands flying up in front of her, as if she could physically push Nancy’s explanation away. “I don’t wanna know. I wasn’t here. In fact, I saw nothing. I’m just, you know, I’m asleep. This whole time. Sleeping, yeah. Right um, yeah.”
She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, “I’m just gonna go now.”
Nancy nodded, wide-eyed, once again without words. Robin raced over to the stairs and stumbled up the first step but then righted herself and took off like a lightning bolt up the rest.
“You gotta be kidding me,” Steve muttered, rubbing his forehead with his hand, shaking his head. “Just my goddamn luck.”
Much to her chagrin, Nancy felt nervous laughter bubble up from her chest, forcing its way past her lips, high pitched and vibrant. Steve removed his hand from his face and stared, eyebrows raised, incredulous.
Nancy threw up her hands. “What a night.”
It was all she could say. Steve shook his head, but a smile slowly crept onto his face. “Yeah, no kidding.”
Nancy felt a similar embarrassed but happy smile take hold of her own lips. With a final huff she stepped inside, Steve just behind her. He closed and locked the door, in all its scraping and screeching glory.
With a lengthy sigh, he turned and started for the stairs. “Well, that was fun while it lasted.”
Nancy frowned and watched him go from where she stood. It didn’t take him long to realize she was no longer beside him, and he spun around when he did, raising an eyebrow. Gesturing to the stairs behind him he asked, “Are you coming?”
Her heart skipped a beat, and she swallowed down her nerves before she replied. “I thought you said the study was on the main floor, Steve.”
It was almost comical, the way Steve seemed to process her words in stages. First, confusion, with knitted brows and a frown. Then realization, big brown eyes widening, his lips curling up into a handsome, self-assured smirk. But then doubt followed, pulling his lips back into a frown and draining the excitement from his eyes. Nancy felt her stomach twist. Perhaps she had miscalculated.
“You don’t want to.” She’d meant it as a question, but it came out as a statement, heavy with disappointment.
Slowly, Steve shook his head.
“No, no, Nance.” He leaned towards her a bit, bending ever so slightly at the waist as if he was leaning in to tell her a secret, despite them standing a few feet apart. “I definitely want to. I just… don’t feel obligated, or anything. I mean, I just don’t want you to feel, ah, I don’t know. Shit, what am I trying to say…”
Steve’s gaze drifted off to the left as he tried to find his composure, hands on his hips. Nancy padded over to him. She’d already made her decision, out there on the pool deck. And she wasn’t backing down from this decision, no matter how stupid it was. She wanted this with him, tonight. Placing a hand on his chest, she drew his eyes back to hers.
“I want to, Steve. Before the real world throws everything it’s got at us…” Rising up on her tip toes she kissed the corner of his mouth and murmured, “I want this. I want you.”
Steve cupped her cheek, his thumb swiping over her bottom lip. He swallowed, his throat bobbing; she could hear the shakiness of his breath as he leaned in and kissed her. Nancy instantly melted into his embrace. There was something different about this kiss; there was something more to it. Their bodies seemed to fit together flawlessly, and the kiss was nothing short of perfect. It left Nancy breathless when he finally pulled away, not because it was the most intense of kisses they’d ever shared, but because she felt so much through it. Her heart was hammering in her chest. She wanted Steve. Her Steve. Her head was spinning.
“Nance…”
“Yeah,” she whispered against his lips, nodding as they kissed again. “Yes, Steve.”
Pulling her more tightly against his chest, he caught her in a hot, messy kiss that left her breathless in a very different way, before taking her hand and leading her down the hallway.
It was only moments until they were stepping into the study, but it felt like an eternity. Nancy was quick to fall into Steve’s arms and their clothes followed suit, falling to the ground even quicker than Nancy had thrown herself at Steve. They stumbled around in the dark room towards the couch. Steve guided her down onto the narrow piece of furniture, covering her body with his own, and sealing the moment with a deep, hungry kiss.
Then, there were no more words, just his lips, his hands, his strong body, stretched out over hers. Being with him like this after so many years inevitably felt different. They’d both changed. She was far more bold; she knew what she wanted and what she liked, and she did not hesitate to ask him for it. Steve had always been generous, but now he was more patient, more steady, and more skilled. His hands seemed to know exactly where to touch, his lips where to kiss, and he seemed to fit perfectly against her, like he was meant to drive her mad in this way.
That part felt familiar, the heady desire curling in her belly, and the way a look from him alone could stoke those flames, making her stomach flip and her heart skip a beat. No matter the time gone by the spark between them had never gone out.
And now, with his lips on her neck and his body rocking into hers in a rhythm so delicious to be sinful, she wanted him so badly it hurt. She fell into the feeling, riding the wave of desire, trying to reach the end, yet simultaneously wanting it to go on for ever.
When things did eventually come to a finish, it was in the most wonderful of ways, the kind of ending that made her toes curl and her back arch, Steve’s hand over her mouth the only thing muffling her cries of pleasure that he had most certainly earned and deserved. As he pulled out, the sounds of his own pleasure were muffled against her neck as he came to a peak, wrapped in her embrace.
He hovered over her for a few moments, resting his weight on his elbows framing her head, panting against the crook of her neck. Nancy carded her fingers through his hair and ran her hand up and down his back. After a few more kisses to her collarbone, Steve left to clean himself up. Nancy just stayed on the couch, blissed out and pleasantly hazy.
Steve reappeared momentarily and Nancy propped herself up on her elbows. He was in naught but his boxers, and they were hanging dangerously low on his hips, drawing her eyes downward. Nancy tried not to stare, her eyes travelling back up his body, a blush dusting her cheeks. He had grown up, she realized, since they’d last been together. His chest was more muscular, shoulders wide and broad, and his abdomen… he bore scars she had not noticed in the heat of the moment on his flanks from the demobat attack. They were subtle, but the pink, roughened flesh was not inconspicuous. Her heart ached once more; they would all carry this time with them until the end of their days, whether they wanted to or not.
Steve offered her a damp wash cloth. Pleasantly surprised, Nancy found it was warm, and he kindly gave her a bit of privacy to clean herself up. It was only then that she comprehended her own nakedness, feeling a blush once again rising into her cheeks. She shifted on the couch, searching for her clothing, but once again Steve seemed prepared to come to her rescue, holding out his shirt for her to wear, while politely averting his eyes.
Her lips quirked into a smile at his attempt to give her some modesty despite what they’d just shared, and she quickly pulled the article of clothing over her head. Before she could get up, Steve sat down beside her and pulled her legs over his lap. Reaching behind him he nabbed a large blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around them both.
“Steve-“ she tried to protest. He silenced her with a kiss.
“I wanna hold you a while, Nance. Please?” As she met his eyes, any additional protests died on her tongue. She wanted to be held by him. So why shouldn’t she? It would seem her heart won out again tonight as she kissed him, slow, long and deep. Then she tucked her head against his shoulder and wrapped an arm around his torso, snuggling up against him. Steve adjusted the blanket, making sure they were securely wrapped up, and tightened his arms around her, holding her close.
Boldy, she traced a heart against the skin of his chest, over his own. She felt him smile against the top of her head. He whispered something, so low she could barely hear it, and when the words registered, she pretended she hadn’t heard him, because she didn’t think he’d meant her to. If the universe really did lead them back to each other at the end of all this, then they could both make all the confessions they wanted. But until then, she was content to rest in his arms, safe and sound. And it would seem Steve was content to hold her, ever her caring protector.
With that comforting thought, Nancy finally let herself doze off. The silence was suddenly not so loud when she was surrounded by the warmth of the man she loved, with the beat of his heart echoing in her ears.