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Diana @abolishmorals
Soooo my tweets trending #1 on twitter kinda freaked me out so I will be laying low for a while lol (also I have midterms so I gotta go and smash my head against every textbook so I don't lose my scholarship 🫠) #sorrynotsorry
ㄴ noooo we lost the queen!!
ㄴ #RipDiana
ㄴ What are you doing my friend you gotta RIDE THE HYPE 😭
ㄴ that's my bestie!! so famous awww remember me when you'll become a star
ㄴㄴ Diana @abolishmorals I might become a star! …in deportation news…
ㄴ :(( it's gonna be so boring without you. Now we have to go back to watching hockey games
ㄴㄴ well I've heard Centaurs are micing up Roz tonight so at least there'll be some fun
ㄴ haha imagine he'll say something about Jane 🤣
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
I am really excited for tonight's home match, guys, because Rozanov is mic'd up (live)! Even if Centaurs are still finding their footing, you can look forward to the showcase of Roz's fiery spirit, undying determination, and, of course, delicious chirps.
You should also tune in for the game tonight because Ottawa Centaurs will be facing Boston Bears, Ilya's old team! I can only imagine the type of vibes we'll see and the comments we'll hear today #GoCens
As a proud part of #moroz fandom, I will be writing down all fun comments from Roz on the livestream and my reaction too so stay tuned and follow my acc :)
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
The players are still only warming up but I just know it's going to get more exciting! Boston players are circling around Ilya with shit eating grins, meanwhile he still pretends he doesn't notice them, giving some instructions (or encouragement?) to rookies :D
Finally! Cliff Marlow, Victor St-Simon and a couple of other players slide up to Ilya. The look on their faces is now sorrowful for some reason? I'll write their dialogue.
Cliff: What's up, Ca…bro! You know, I thought next time I'll see you, you'd be in Montreal blue. I've been mourning you.
Ilya: Mourning? Why the fuck would I be traded there? I hate Montreal team.
Victor: Your girlfriend would love it though.
Ilya: What girlfriend.
Cliff: Don't lie to us, Rozy, you fucking beautician~ We always knew Montreal Jane was very special for you (shit eating grin returns) Ottawa is quite close, isn't it? Recommend us some good places here.
Ilya: (after long pause) I don't go to bars anymore, find them yourself. I will pay for your roaming if you're too poor to use internet.
Victor: No, we want to go with you! Chat about good old times, mm? Bring your girl too, we'd love to meet her.
Ilya: There is no girl.
Victor: Sure, and you did not drink 90% medical alcohol, mixed with coffee and condensed milk that one time, celebrating discharge from hospital.
Ilya: Very funny cocktail, by the way. Old recipe from home, you guys are cowards for not even trying it with me.
Ryan: But we followed all your other orders, Rozy.
Ilya: Good, you guys should keep doing it. Your play is getting sloppier without me.
Victor: (gasp) You don't love us anymore?!
Ilya: I hate you.
Cliff: Oh, you so don't. (wide grin) I took you under my wing when you were a rookie, I've always known you're a big softie at heart. (to Victor) I'm afraid when Roz been saying "I love you" to each one of us after every game, he might've actually meant it.
Ilya: (visibly flustered) No-no-no, I hate you all guys. I am divorcing all of you. (to the side) Even you, my beloved goalie.
Cliff: We know how you chirp others and how you treat your own team. Do we get the enemy treatment now, huh, Rozanov?
Ilya: If you want to compete for the worst home I've left, call Russia. (sigh) And no, Marly, I could never seriously chirp your idiot face. Gotta take 5 working days for my words to reach that tall head of yours, and I'm not a patient person.
Cliff: (enjoying it too much) I've always knows you were so in love. That "never in my life have I blushed, Russians do not do this" was such a bullshit. Whipped was written all over your face. Send Jane our congratulations.
Ryan: Honestly, we felt betrayed at first when you left us. But now we get it. Must be hell of a chick to get you to sacrifice the best team in the league! (points to his own uniform)
Ilya: There is no chick.
Victor: Suuuuuuuure (wink).
Ilya: …Maybe a grumpy puppy.
Cliff: Well, introduce us anyway. Jane seems great.
Ilya: (long sigh) …I'll think about it.
ㄴ EMERGENCY EMERGENCY!! They said the J word!!! I repeat, they MENTIONED JANE!!!
ㄴㄴ And we learn that she is from Montreal 👀
ㄴㄴㄴ And apparently the entire Boston team knew about them! for how long, I wonder??
ㄴ "there is no girl" « a guy whose romantic rants have been seen by the entire world btw🫢
ㄴㄴ maybe he's not public about their relationship for a reason?
ㄴㄴㄴ girl what reason? most famous hockey playboy and manwhore is scared of commitment? he uprooted his entire career and moved to the worst team in the league, i'm afraid it's too late now, he should embrace the lover boy news, his tanked reputation would thank him
ㄴwtf was that drink. don't make cocktails with 90% alcohol. bro. you're gonna DIE.
ㄴ he doesn't go to bars anymore. Rozanov. Ilya Rozanov moved to Ottawa and doesn't go to bars anymore. ALIENS STOLE ILYA ROZANOV AND REPLACED HIM WITH A HOCKEY ROBOT
ㄴㄴ I'm sorry but there's no good bars in Ottawa, he's probably itching to go but can't go wild like he used to💔 I'm sorry, Mr.Rozanov, as Canadian citizen, I will diligently pay all my taxes so they can build something nice and fun for you😔
ㄴI love Rozanov and Marlow friendship so muuuuuuuch #rozlow #maranov So sad they're not on the same team anymore 🥲
ㄴwhy is he so embarrassed?? usually he's so quick at callbacks but here he just short circuited lol
ㄴㄴ he was exposed as a 'big softie at heart' I think that really hurt him 😆
ㄴ Jane is his grumpy puppy 💔 that sounds like true love
ㄴfinally all hockey teams have perfect chirping material against Russian Menace, roz is not gonna survive this season
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
Rozanov's playing aggressively today as usual, but also different. No fights happening on the field so far, beside Ilya bulldozing into one or another Bear and them laughing afterwards. Ilya keeps quietly cursing in Russian, I don't see point in translating that. Some prominent chirps thrown at Rozanov before shoving and during face offs:
Cliff: Rozy!
Ilya: What do u want?
Cliff: Kids on the way soon, huh? I don't think you're winning another Cup soon, maybe think about settling down. You can raise more monsters like you.
Ilya: Fuck off, Marley. I will not be having kids just to spite you. I'll be having Cups.
Cliff: Cubs?
Ilya: Cups, you Bear-headed dick.
Cliff: Alright. But don't forget to invite me to your wedding! I will prepare my best man speech.
Ilya: Your drunk ass is naughty. Your best man speech will compromise me. I'll die in shame, on the spot, wedding cancelled.
ㄴ omg i'm laughing so hard this is already best game in the entire season
ㄴㄴ yeah no way cens are even going to playoffs, we shall enjoy it while it lasts
ㄴ awwww ilya is already thinking about marriage and kids!! 🥹
ㄴㄴ he is actively trying not to, actually, wtf are you on
Boston player: I know that face.
Ilya: Yes, the most handsome face on ice. Do not fall in love with me.
Boston player: No, it's your BLUSHING face. Thought it was only reserved for Jane.
(Ilya silently wins the puck)
ㄴ Rozanov can blush??
ㄴ I need this close up in 4k somebody steal his helmet so we can all see roz blushing!!!
ㄴ bruh Jane really IS his weak spot huh🤭
ㄴ "do not fall in love with me" why so hot if taken
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
Third goal for Boston! I'm so torn, I am Ilya's fan but I was rooting for Boston team for years. Hard to see how Ilya's team keeps loosing . But there's no bad blood between teams even until third period despite drastic score, and everyone's still so fucking funny. I think their goal is not throwing pucks in the net but throwing chirps at Roz.
Cliff: Cap. Cap. Cap. Ex Cap.
Ilya: I am not listening to your whining.
Cliff: Let's have a drink. I want to hear more.
Ilya: Go listen to your coach, he sure has many things to say to you.
Cliff: I'll foot the bill. I'll order your favourite snacks. I still want to be in your life, Rozy. Why are you rejecting me?
Ilya: Ugh, stop it, Marley, you're a baby.
Boston and Centaurs players nearby, immediately shouting together: UR BABY!!!
Ilya: (holding back his laugh) Fuck, I really walked into this one.
ㄴ does he. does he KNOW the reference?
ㄴㄴ bro rozanov is chronically online, I think he might know already…
ㄴㄴㄴ if he didn't, he definitely sensed he's being targeted out of nowhere
ㄴ who needs Jane when we have marlow/rozanov #maranov #rozlow
ㄴㄴ girl, i beg you to stop. kindly for now
ㄴㄴㄴ he called him A BABY
Boston player to Centaurs' right-winger: Does Cap still make your lives miserable in practice every time he argues with his girlfriend?
(Ilya silently listens)
Luca: Oh no, our Cap is so nice! He's chill! Relaxed! He whips us into shape, of course, but he's so cool about it.
(Boston player is so in shock he loses puck)
(during next face off) Boston player: He made our lives HELL when he was on bad terms with his babe. You can't even imagine how many scary practices we had. Early practices, all day. Captain rotating in sin box like chicken almost entire game. Can't make a sound without him exploding. Just… make sure he's not fucking anything up with Jane. You'll thank me later.
(Centaur stares in shock at Roz)
Ilya: Unbelievable. You're ganging up against me. I will text LeClair and ask him to run more bag skates for you, Bears! He'll do it, as a present for my b-day. (Then Ilya speaks in Russian, luckily for you I know it and I can translate it) Blya, I adore them so fucking much. (sigh, barely heard giggle)
ㄴ I can't believe it… all this time... Ilya Rozanov.. was tsundere?!?!
ㄴ ummm my fellow moroz, are u sure? are u sure motherfucking rozanov GIGGLED talking about how he loves his (former and current) teams??? wtf is this timeline😃
ㄴㄴ yep i heard it too, here's the proof!! [Video clip attached, 0:08 sec length]
ㄴ that's not how hockey works guys lmao stop scaring Cens rookies
ㄴ your play transcripts are always so funny, pls never stop
ㄴㄴ ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming Thank you! I hope we get more mic'd up livestreams this season! I need more seasons of this drama haha
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
Conclusion after witnessing tonight's game:
Ilya Rozanov is no longer a Russian Terror, not even Boston Bear... he is Russian TEDDY BEAR now :D
ㄴ little plush teddy bear!! oh Ilya's gonna be SO embarrassed by this chirp if anyone picks it up lol
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
Are you all tuned in for the livestream? Finally, another game for Centaurs 🔥 Playing against the New York Admirals tonight. And guess what? Scott Hunter is mic'd up! I am 100% sure Ilya is going to be chirping him. I hope Scott's mic catches that. I'll transcribe the funniest or coolest moments of the game, as usual.
ㄴ I am seeeeeeateeeeeddddd ❤️🔥💕🙊
ㄴ #GoCens !!! #GoRussianTeddyBear !!!!!🧸
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
Oh, actually. On the topic of us joking last game… Somebody from the crowd actually threw a plush teddy bear on ice before the game! I am laughing so hard. Carter Vaughan picked it up and together with Scott Hunter they came up to Ilya and shoved it in his arms lmao
Ilya: (suspicious) What is this?
Carter: A toy for you to try 😃
He tried to skate away but immediately got the mentioned teddy bear chucked right in his face lol. Wiebe and Cens social manager are laughing, too. Refs pointedly ignore the silly attack before the game.
Luca (warming up nearby, confused) : What are you guys talking about?
Ilya: Americans are being stupid, nothing new on Earth. Go take revenge for me, I'll send you all the pucks you need.
ㄴ Vaughny is naaasty lol
ㄴ Ilya's reaction and speed are so incredible, no wonder he is top-1 🥹 that throw was perfect
ㄴㄴExcuse me, he is #2 in speed after Shane Hollander, there's official ranking and statistics for a reason and you're blatantly lying 🤨
ㄴㄴㄴHe is #1 in reaction time tho, go watch compilations on youtube where his reaction time on ice is measured down to 0.001s, he is unparalleled 🙄
ㄴㄴ hey! watch out what you say about americans, rozanov 🤬 we gave you YOUR ENTIRE CAREER
ㄴㄴㄴ you guys ARE actually stupid, i'm pretty sure ROZ is the one who built his entire career on his own with his ungodly skills. first pick at draft would get him ANYWHERE
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
The funniest part is that Roz skated and picked up the teddy bear after the throw, gently cradling it until he delivered it to Wiebe for safe keeping lol.
ㄴ not beating the softie allegations!!😭🥺
ㄴㄴ i'm afraid his russian terror reputation is ruined. forever.
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
Alright, everyone sit down! The game starts!
Scott slides up to Ilya, mic'd up for the game. My ears are ON. Transcript below.
Ilya: (immediately) No-no-no, YOU don't get to chirp me for being lovey dovey. I have seen you with your boyfriend at the bar. Disgusting. Tooth rotting. Like I swallowed a hundred of cotton candies and then a dozen of knitted socks.
Scott: (grinning, unbothered) Wow, you know the word for "dozen"?
Ilya: Yes, I learned it when we studied your games. Scott Hunter dozen win. Dozen hold puck. Dozen have much time left until retirement.
Scott: (sigh) You're so lucky my Kip likes you.
Ilya: I like your boyfriend too. Tell him I said that. I might sent some flowers for your anniversary – or my own nudes, whatever to keep you guys sex life more interesting.
ㄴ ROZ DID JANE ALOW U TO BE THIS FLIRTY WITH OTHER GUYS?? SEND THEM NUDES??🤯
ㄴㄴ that's just standard hockey talk, chill
ㄴ oh no i didn't want to know that he's homophobic I just started to like him…
ㄴㄴ but Scott doesn't seem to be upset by it? He kept engaging with Roz chirps
ㄴㄴㄴ I think Roz is objectively hilarious😁
ㄴ Why is he about to send gays his nudes??
ㄴㄴ no one like girls and gays to appreciate the beauty of Ilya Rozanov bulked up body
ㄴㄴㄴ So why not send to the 99999999999 girls on his insta?
ㄴㄴㄴㄴ cuz Ilya's obviously taken and that'd be cheating????
ㄴㄴㄴㄴㄴ Oh so Scott mf Hunter and his bf do not count? We're back to square one
ㄴ I thought he was a homophobe but he goes to bar with Scott and his boyfriend?
ㄴㄴ He's a confused homophobe who just likes a good party (and everyone knows gays have the best parties)
ㄴㄴㄴ Have u guys considered he might NOT be homophobic at all
ㄴㄴㄴㄴ I'm afraid he's not a homophobe, he's worse: a homewrecker🤪
(face off)
Scott: I should say, I'm sorry that you're going through it. Must be hard.
Ilya: (deadpan) Hard? Pfft. Not for you, Hunter. Keep dreaming.
Scott: …You know what? I'm kinda sad I don't have freckles.
Ilya: Ew. You should not have a single freckle. Not on your old and wrinkly face.
Scott: Still. I heard they can effectively distract you.
Ilya: No-no-no. Hot body and beautiful freckles are reserved only for special people. Not you, Hunter. No need to add more distractions. Actually, I was wrong – don't even dream about it. Don't even dream about Cup, either. Retire and die peacefully. Freckless.
(Scott wins the puck)
ㄴ lmaoooo Admirals are pulling out FRECKLE WEAPON. it's like bringing nuclear bomb to a gunfight 🤣 #riproz
ㄴㄴ Scott - tries to be polite and express empathy for a fellow player who had personal information leaked. Ilya Rozanov, the victim - chooses violence 😆
ㄴ am I tripping or did Rozanov imply he finds Hunter hot…
ㄴㄴ no???? he obviously talks about his sexy girlfriend with freckles, wtf r u on
ㄴㄴㄴ whatever but his reaction time was off here, I think Roz actually started picturing Hunter with freckles in his mind lmao
ㄴㄴㄴㄴ nurses!!! your patient ran away!!!
(third period, before another face off with Scott)
Troy: (sliding up, slightly out of breath) Cap! I've got a question. My entire play next period depends on it.
Ilya: Huh? What's wrong, Barrett? Don't tell me you're hurt, no one is even getting into fights today. So boring.
Troy: No-no. It's a more important question. With high emotional stakes.
Ilya: (suspicious and slightly annoyed) Spill it.
Troy: (breaking into pout, with sad voice) Would you love me if I was worm?
Ilya: (speechless for a few seconds) I WOULD CUT YOU IN HALF SO YOU'D FINALLY START PROTECTING BOTH OUR RIGHT AND LEFT WINGS!!!
Troy: (skates away from Ilya's half-threatening stick slap to his ass, cackling) Got it, Cap! Love you, Cap!
Ref: Stop fooling around, guys, get in positions.
Ilya: (dramatical sigh, to Troy) I love you too, asshole.
Ilya: (quiet murmur under his nose, Scott's mic barely catching it, I'm using all my hearing and knowledge of Russian) I regret introducing him to Marley. Does anyone see how much I'm suffering on this team? No goals, only jokes. All worms, only me teddy bear. What kind of team is this? The dinosaurs laugh at us. Look at them. Ugh.
ㄴ Ilya thinks he's in a zoo, not on an ice rink help
ㄴ Lovable worms = Cens. Teddy bear = Tsundere Captain. Dinosaurs = Admirals? Scott Hunter specifically?
ㄴ he's so fucking funny. i love watching him suffer.
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
I love when Ilya says my nickname 🥹 "I love you too, asshole". I was the first Ilya softie truther! 🧸
ㄴ we should've always believed you…😭
ㄴ how does it feel to be always right?
ㄴ do you maybe also know Jane's real identity? where does she work? is she pretty? is she into threesomes? I NEED INFORMATION✍️
ilya means I Love You Asshole @moroziscoming
Centaurs lose again, unfortunately, but Luca Haas does get one goal in! Thank you for revenging Ilya, Luca. Ilya scores 2 goals himself. I've laughed so much today, guys. Rozanov x Hunter beef gives me life. See you next time!
ㄴ thank you for your service, king 👑
ㄴ I wish rozanov would be mic'd up all the time. that's the only entertaining thing about centaurs team… him and their social media manager teasing every single hockey team in the league out there (from the last spot in the ranks lol)
Diana @abolishmorals
Wait wait wait guys. I remember I've also read some funny hockey related messages in Ilya's chat history with Jane. STAY TUNED I'm gonna collect them!
ㄴ how are you still alive😆
ㄴ you're gonna disappear for another two weeks, aren't you?
ㄴ go girl give us nothing!👍
ㄴㄴ Diana @abolishmorals SHUSH there is still so much to unpack, the question is CAN YOU ALL HANDLE IT??
ㄴㄴㄴ umm maybe we should start asking if ILYA ROZANOV can handle it 😬
ㄴ omg more lover boi tea?? let's goooo!!!!