Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Shane knew he was in too deep. He may have known this for a while, but his brain was just catching up. He laid in the large bed in Rozanov’s penthouse as the Russian showered. Shane felt too much like jelly to join. A smile crept onto his lips as he thought about their night together. He couldn’t even care that Rozanov won MVP tonight or the fact that he hasn’t talked to him in 6 months. This is where he wanted to be right now, his mind a lot clearer than it had been in days.

He wasn’t quite sure how much time had passed by the time Rozanov came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist, a washcloth in one hand and a glass of vodka in the other. He flopped down next to Shane and held out the glass.

“I told you. As reward.”

Shane sat up the rest of the way and took it from his hand, letting their fingers brush for a second longer than what was acceptable in his head. Ilya carefully cleaned him up as he took a sip and immediately frowned. Shane wasn’t one for alcohol most of the time, but this was fucking strong.

“God, how do you drink this?” Shane said.

“Started in the womb. Russian babies grow up on this.” Rozanov said nonchalantly.

“That’d explain a lot.”

“Shut up.” Ilya took the glass out of his hand and set it down on the bedside table with a clank. He turned more on his side and cradled Shane’s face as he captured him in a deep kiss. They stayed there and lazily made out for a while, not caring about the busy streets or the world around them.

This didn’t feel very casual anymore. Whose hookups stick around to just make out? Shane didn’t want it to end, though, so he just enjoyed it for however long it lasted. 

But eventually, they had to come up for air. They just sat there in a weirdly comfortable silence.

“You should probably go,” Rozanov started, sounding…reluctant? “You have early flight.”

“Yeah, I do.”

As Shane went to get off the bed, Rozanov was already handing him his folded up clothes. 

Shane stared down at him, taking the pile from his hands. “Thanks.”

He got dressed, trying to ignore the watchful gaze of the other man. He should be used to this, but it still felt so vulnerable. He gathered up the rest of his things and started making his way towards the door. Rozanov followed him, still just in a towel, carefully watching Shane. They both paused for a moment, just staring for a second.

“I’ll see you next season.”

“See you next season.”

As Shane turned to open the door, Rozanov grabbed his arm and hauled him back around, slamming his lips into the other. Unable to ever keep it in a brief kiss, he held Shane’s face and just kissed him desperately before having to pull away. He gave one more small peck before smiling and saying “See ya.” As he turned and headed back towards the bedroom.

Shane stood there, thanking whatever God or deities were out there that he turned away before seeing the blush creep up his neck. He turned the door handle and walked out towards the elevators.

Despite Rozanov being in Moscow and Shane in Ottawa for the Summer, they still texted. They texted a lot more than usual. 

Shane wasn’t complaining, but he couldn’t shake the slight jealousy building in his gut when thinking about Rozanov likely partying it up with some girl, or girls. He was out living his best life while Shane was at his parents', trying not to think about the upcoming season for now.

He knew he shouldn’t be feeling like this. It’s just sex, no feelings. He’d repeat this mantra in his head, trying to force himself to believe it. It would work, eventually.

Even with the 7-hour time difference, Rozanov still managed to get back to Shane often.

Lily: Hope you’re not too lonely without me in boring Canada

Jane: Fuck you

Lily: No you have to wait a few more months for that ;)

Jane: You’re insufferable 

Jane: How’s Russia

Lily: Is Russia

Lily: Not as boring as Canada

Jane: Partying then?

Lily: Not so much

Shane decided to be a bit more bold.

Jane: Miss me too much?

Lily: Yes you and all your boringness

Lily: Who else would yell at me for smoking and tell me how bad it is

Jane: Well, it is bad for you

Lily: No shit

Jane: When do you come back?

Lily: Why? You miss me too much now?

Jane is typing…

Jane: Shut the fuck up

Lily: I’ll be back in 3 weeks

Jane: Cool

No matter what Shane tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about Ilya fucking Rozanov. His parents have even noticed him smiling down at his phone, probably thinking it’s some girl. Not his rival who he’s been hooking up with for years. Luckily, they respected his space and his answers of not wanting to talk about it, or him saying it’s just Hayden sending more cute pictures of his kids.

He’s not sure how he’s been able to hide this for so long, but he doesn’t really have much of a choice. For now, he can fill his mind with the pre-season training he has to look forward to.

Chapter Text

Over the next couple of years, the two danced around their budding feelings by not admitting a single thing to each other. Whenever Boston played against Montreal, Ilya would ramp up their texts and their sexting in particular. Ilya watched as Shane led his team to back-to-back cup wins. Despite feeling sour at it not being him, he couldn’t deny the pride he felt for Shane Hollander.

Every time they met up now, Shane stayed a little longer. Never overnight though, that was a line they never crossed. Ilya came over to the sex condo, as he deemed it, every time he was in Montreal, and met up at hotels every time Shane came to Boston. But this time, Ilya was going to invite him over to his place, he had ginger ale stocked in his fridge, ready for him.

Ilya knew he was falling hard. He tried denying it, over and over, but it was no use. The beautiful boy with the freckles has taken over his every waking thought. He tried hooking up with random girls in Boston, but all he could think about was Shane Hollander. He stopped after trying twice, realizing the girls he picked up were basically female look-alikes of the Canadian boy, and he could only think about him during any of it. These women could never compete.

His feelings should’ve occurred to him sooner when he realized he didn’t want to sleep with anyone else. But he’s never felt like this before. How would he know this is what this feels like? Whatever these feelings were.

“Hey, I’m heading out for a bit, meeting a friend,” Shane said, pulling on his brown jacket and shoes.

“Just a friend?” Hayden smirked, unpacking his suitcase in their shared hotel room.

“Just a friend.”

“Go get laid weirdo, I won’t wait up. You play better when you see Lily anyway.”

Shane froze. 

“I, it’s not—“ He stuttered.

“It’s fine, I’ll keep myself company. Love a hotel room.” Hayden winked and wiggled his fingers at him.

Shane groaned, deciding not to entertain him any further, and left the room. He walked outside, hailing a cab on the streets of Boston. 

He took a breath as he walked up the steps to Rozanov's house. 

Jane: I’m here

Only a minute had passed when Rozanov opened the door, wearing only black joggers that hung low on his hips. Shane desperately tried to keep his eyes from wandering.

He moved to the side to allow Shane to walk inside, his eyes watching him carefully as Shane's eyes wandered across the layout of his home.

“This place is great. Do you know who built it?”

“Ahh, Mr. Real Estate.”

“Shut up. Should we talk?” Shane asked as he moved towards the kitchen. Rozanov stalked towards him, backing him into the counter.

“No, after.” He caught him in a deep kiss, which Shane immediately responded to. Rozanov pushed his hands lower, grasping onto the back of his thighs as he lifted him onto the counter.

Afterwards, they lay under the covers of Rozanov's bedsheets and blanket that smelled exactly like him. They lazily kissed as Rozanov muttered something.

“Hmm?” Shane looked up at him, lust and adoration still burning in his eyes.

“You could stay.”

“Stay?”

“Yes, stay here. Tonight.”

Shane was speechless. This wasn’t something they did. Sure, they started staying a little longer, but one of them had always left before they could fall asleep.

Rozanov looked at him softly, “The game is tomorrow afternoon, so no morning practice.” He said it like it was the most obvious decision in the world.

“I told Hayden—“

“Is Hayden your mother?” He interrupted. 

Shane let out a small laugh.

“No, he is not?” Rozanov continued.

“Fuck off.”

The blonde leaned down slightly, kissing him again. “Stay,” he pleaded, a small whine evident in his voice.

“Okay.”

"Okay?"

Shane just nodded, but his raw gaze didn’t leave him.

“Are you hungry?”

“For what?”

“Food, pervert. I’ll make you something.” Rozanov got up and tossed some black sweats in Shane’s direction as he put his own joggers back on. Shane got dressed and followed him into the kitchen, sitting down on the barstool in front of the counter.

Rozanov looked deeply into his eyes. “Do you like tuna melts?”

“You want to make me a tuna melt?”

Rozanov nodded and turned to gather premade ingredients in the fridge and a ginger ale. Shane tried to hold in his shock as it was set down in front of him.

“Thanks.”

"Is it cold enough?"

"It's perfect."

Later, they sat down and turned on a hockey game as they ate their sandwiches. It was feeling oddly domestic. That’s when Rozanov started talking about women.

“Do you like them?”

“The tuna melt?”

“No, girls.”

Shane paused and started stammering, “Oh yeah. Sure.”

“It’s okay if you don’t.”

Shane stared back into his blue eyes, not quite sure what to say.

“I like girls.” Rozanov finally said.

“Yeah, no shit.”

“But I also like you.”

Shane looked down at his hands, fidgeting with his fingers. “Lucky me.”

“More like lucky me.” He smiled and lay back into the couch cushions, pulling Shane into him. Shane nuzzled into his chest, not being able to contain himself.

Soon enough, things got heated, and they took another step further.

Saying their names. Their first names.

Ilya must’ve sensed the incoming panic from his still body because he suddenly placed both of his hands on the sides of Shane’s face, stroking his cheek and pulling him closer. “Hey, breathe with me.”

Shane was trying, he was really trying.

“Shane, follow my breathing.”

A few minutes passed by as they both breathed in sync, and Shane was still perched on Ilya’s lap, being grounded by his gentle touches. He realized this and quickly tried to get off. Ilya moved his hands to his waist to try to carefully help him onto the couch beside him. 

“Hollander, we’re good, yes?”

Shane just stared at him, breathing intently. Were they good? He just basically had the start of a panic attack on his lover's lap. But he knew just what to do to try and calm him down. Did he really know him that well? He seemed to know him exactly that well because he tried distracting him by dragging their attention back to the game still playing on the TV. “Buffalo is losing their asses, who would've guessed?” Shane couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh at that.

Yeah, they were good.

Things evolved more from then on. Shane officially stayed the night, sleeping in Ilya’s arms and waking up in the same place. It felt good, like this could be normal.

No.

He can’t have those thoughts.

They obviously liked each other, they wouldn’t be fucking otherwise. But he couldn’t deny this had all felt different. He wanted more, but this was something he knew he couldn’t have. Neither of them could have this. They didn’t like each other like that, not to mention their teams and the league. What would happen if this got out? Shane hadn’t even said anything to his parents. But he knew whenever he was with Ilya, they had fun. He enjoyed his company, and not just for the sex. 

What the fuck was he going to do?

Chapter Text

Shane’s parents noticed him acting differently, lighter, they said. Hayden noticed it too, and he, of course, had to say something when he was having dinner over at his house with Jackie and the kids.

“I see you’re still talking to Boston Lily,” Hayden said, breaking Shane from his trance.

“What? No, it’s nothing.” Shane quickly said, shaking his head.

“Come on, let me have this," Hayden whined. "You never bring anyone around or even talk to me about anyone! We both know I know Boston Lily exists. Give me something, man.” Hayden replied while standing up to clear the plates. The kids had already run off to cause their usual chaos.

Shane paused and contemplated. There had to be something he could tell him to get him off his back.

“It’s really nothing, it’s casual.”

Jackie looked up at him from the counter with a smirk. “Not with that smile, it’s not.”

Shane blushed.

“We agreed that’s all it is, and that’s all it can ever be.” He said it like he'd rehearsed this before.

“Does she not feel the same?” Hayden asked sadly. He loved that he was finally getting some information from his best friend, but he just wanted him to be happy. He loved being married and having kids, and he wanted Shane to have that same kind of happiness. 

“There’s nothing to feel,” Shane said, feeling a pang of disappointment ring through him. 

He looked down at his feet, hoping they’d just drop it. It’s embarrassing enough trying to push down these feelings. He wasn't quite ready to admit what kind of feelings he felt for the tall Russian that his whole team despised.

“Hayd, can you start bath time?” Jackie eyed her husband, silently pleading.

Hayden looked back, disappointed he was going to miss whatever was about to happen, but he saw her silent question.

“Of course, I’ll be back soon.” Hayden kissed her on the head and went to round up his little monsters.

Jackie walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer and ginger ale from the fridge. 

“Want to sit down?” 

Shane nodded and followed her to the living room, sitting on the armchair as Jackie sat on the couch next to him.

“He means well, but I can see you’re uncomfortable,” Jackie said quietly.

Shane just nodded his head, not daring to speak yet.

“We love you and can see this girl means a lot to you. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but if you’d rather tell me anything, I’d be happy to listen.”

Jackie was an amazing woman. Hayden couldn’t have picked anyone better to marry and have children with. Hayden felt like it was love at first sight when he caught a glimpse of her bright eyes and long flowing hair. She was a strong woman for being able to put up with a hockey player who was gone a good portion of the time while also taking care of 3 children. She also accepted Shane as if he were a part of the family. Shane was so happy to have met these two amazing people. Shane knew that Hayden meant well, but his excitement and caring could be so overwhelming at times, especially when he’s already trying to deal with his own inner turmoil about the whole thing.

“There is a Boston Lily,” Shane admitted.

Jackie just stayed silent, letting Shane come to terms with what he was willing to tell her.

“It’s supposed to be casual.”

“I’m guessing you’re not feeling like it is anymore?” Jackie prodded softly.

It scared Shane to even say the words, so he just nodded. He felt like he should explain somewhat, though.

“The last time. It felt…different.”

“Different how?”

Shane didn’t know how to explain that being around Ilya made something inside of himself click back together. Almost like a missing puzzle piece. Having someone see him in a way he couldn’t see himself, who cared about him in a way he hadn’t let anyone else do in his life. How do you explain that there’s someone in your life you’re falling so hard for that it feels like his head spins if he thinks about it too much? How do you explain that this person is someone that your entire team and even your own parents hate and shit on, but you couldn’t imagine feeling that way about him? That this person is someone you might even love.

He took a sharp inhale and tried to look anywhere but at Jackie’s eyes.

“We’re supposed to be casual, and we have been for a while. But last time…” Shane tried to hold back a smile. “Something changed, we crossed a few lines that we’ve never done before. I really don’t think I can explain it without revealing too much. I'm not ready for that.”

“Only tell me what you’re comfortable with,” Jackie said, leaning towards him and putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, trying to show her support. Shane appreciated it nonetheless.

“I ended up staying the night.” Shane finally said. He doesn’t know how he could say that they called each other by their first names without raising some very identifying questions.

“Do you regret it?”

“No,” he said immediately. They may have crossed a line, but Shane couldn’t ever regret that. “I think it just made me realize that I’m not so sure it’s casual anymore?”

Jackie stayed silent, letting him come to terms with what he said. She didn’t think he’d said that to anyone before.

“I shouldn’t feel like this, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

“Honey, you can’t stop love like that.” Jackie smiled tenderly at him.

Shane couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out. “No, I don’t love him. I can’t.”

“You don’t or you can’t?” Jackie noticed the pronoun change, but she wouldn’t let Shane know she did. 

“I don’t know.”

He could feel his walls slowly cracking, they had been for years now. It was so slow, he didn’t notice it at first. Shane thought back to the first time he invited Ilya over to his condo, and the way he kissed him before he left to get in his cab. The way he kept checking in over and over, like he really cared about how he felt, that this wasn't just for his own pleasure. The way he managed to be so soft and gentle but also so intense and passionate. Every kiss since then felt the same, but also increasingly better. Ilya has truly ruined him for anyone else. He never felt this way about any previous girlfriends, no matter how hard he tried. He only felt this way for one person. And that was Ilya Rozanov.

“Is there any reason you can think of that they don’t feel the same?” Jackie questioned. 

Shane thought for a moment. He could tell there was a shift between them every time they were together now. He first noticed it in Vegas after Ilya won the MVP award. The way he looked at him and how they just kissed like there were no expectations. Like he was happy to just lie there and be with him before letting their responsibilities creep back in. Things changed even more when he stayed the night years later. Ilya was able to calm him down in a way no one else could. He’s had panic attacks over the years and has found ways to ground himself and stop them. His parents knew how to help him through them, but it was the way Ilya did it. It’s like he paid attention enough throughout the years to know how to help. He wondered if Ilya was panicked at all then. If it put him in enough panic just by hearing him whisper Shane instead of Hollander, how did that make Ilya feel to hear the same thing back?

“I’m not sure.” He was still too scared to admit it. Could they really do this? Could they really have each other?

“You should consider the fact that they might feel the same about you. Look for any signs they might feel the same, you might regret it later if you don’t believe this could be real now. Or more real than it already is.” Jackie said and got up to wrap her arms around Shane. He needed the comfort right now.

“Thank you, Jackie.”

“It’s no problem. We care so much about you, Shane, and we want you to be happy. From what Hayden has told me, this has been going on for years now, and I don’t know this other person, but if they have allowed it to go on this long and have also felt this change, they probably feel the same. Maybe they’re also scared to say it out loud, and now you're just dancing around each other.” Jackie said, rubbing his back. She had a point.

“I’ll try.” Shane breathed out.

“I’ll talk to Hayden about not badgering you as much about this.”

“I would really appreciate that.”

“But if there are any new developments, I would like to hear, if you’re up to it. I’ll listen to anything you want to tell me, and I’ll support you the entire time. I’ll even make Hayden go out with the kids so he leaves us alone.” Jackie smiled brightly.

“I think I would like that. I haven’t talked to anyone about this.” Shane reluctantly said, embarrassed for even saying it.

“All your secrets are safe with me! I won’t even tell Hayden. Scouts honor!”

“I can’t make you keep secrets from him.”

“You’re not making me do anything, honey. You can tell him what you want in your own time. I’m also your friend, not just him.”

“I know.” 

Later, when Shane was getting in his car after saying bye to the Pikes, he felt better. It felt good to tell literally anyone about what had been weighing on him for so long, but Jackie made it so much better. He still doesn’t know how Hayden found such an amazing person for sometimes being so dense himself, but he’s grateful for it.

Chapter Text

Montreal wouldn't be playing Boston for another couple of weeks, and Shane was going insane being alone with his thoughts. He needed to talk to someone, and he remembered how loving and caring Jackie was with him. By a pure stroke of luck, Hayden texted him later that night that he was going to a bar with JJ and invited him out since they didn’t have practice or a game in a couple of days. He knew that Shane would say no, but it was always nice that he’d offer.

Shane texted Jackie right after.

Shane: Hey, what are you doing after dinner tonight?

Jackie: Putting the kids to bed and probably watch trashy TV shows

Jackie: Why? You wanting company?

Shane: You wouldn’t mind?

Jackie: NEVER

Shane smiled to himself as he took out the meal prep he had waiting for him in the fridge. Montreal was currently on a 3-game win streak, and he could feel in his bones how good of a season this was going to be. Thinking about beating Ilya made him want to be better. Before, he let himself believe he thought about Ilya more because he was at the same level as him, and it pushed him to be better. While that could be true, it wasn’t the only reason, and it hasn’t been for a long time.

By the time Shane was pulling up in the Pikes’ driveway, it was dark out with a chill in the air. He shivered as he stepped out of his car and shoved his keys in his jacket pocket. He gave a short knock on the door and waited.

“Hey, stranger!” Jackie exclaimed, throwing open the door and pulling Shane in by the arm. Once the door was shut, she hugged him tightly. “I’m so glad you came over! We need to hang out more.”

Shane nodded, “I’ll try to come over more, I promise.” 

He followed Jackie further inside and sat down at the dining table. She went and pulled out a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. “I finally got the twins and Arthur to bed, so I need a drink. I know you don’t normally drink during the season all that much, but you don’t have a game for a couple days. Want to indulge a little bit?” Jackie held out one of the glasses.

Fuck it.

“Yeah, I’ll indulge a bit,” Shane said, grabbing the glass from her hand.

Jackie took her time pouring out the wine and set the bottle in the middle of the table. She took the seat next to Shane and took a long sip. “God, I haven’t had wine in so long. I’ve got enough frozen breastmilk to at least last a couple days, so I will be taking advantage of that.”

Shane smiled and took a sip as well. He wasn’t really a wine guy, but Jackie knew how to pick the good stuff.

“You at least got good wine.”

“You bet I do.”

They sat there for a minute as Shane contemplated how to start this conversation.

“What’s on your mind?” Jackie implored.

“I’m trying to figure out how to say it.” 

He knew what he wanted to say, but he’d never said it out loud before. He knew Jackie and Hayden well enough that he would be safe and not judged, but it was still something he never told anyone. It would be kind of obvious to Ilya, but he’s never said the actual words. 

“Take your time, honey. I’ll sit here all night if I have to, I’m here for you, babe.” Jackie smiled.

“There’s a bigger reason why me and Lily can’t be together.” Shane started. He stole a glance at Jackie’s face, looking for any sign of recognition of what he was talking about. Jackie didn’t show whether she did or not, she just watched him with a caring look, sipping from her glass every so often. So, he finally just came out with it. Literally.

“I think I’m gay.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, as if bracing for impact. 

“Thank you for telling me.” He heard her chair scrape against the floor and felt her arms wrap around him. He held on to her without hesitation. “I’m guessing you haven’t told anyone that before.”

Shane just shook his head, he felt his eyes become glassy.

“And I’m guessing Lily isn’t his real name?”

Shane let out a pathetic laugh, “No, it isn’t.”

“Tell me about him.” Jackie probed a bit.

Now that someone knew about this part of him, he could let a small weight fall off his shoulders. He could also tell someone about the real Ilya without judgement, even if she didn’t know who he was talking about.

He talked about how even though he could be such an asshole, he was also the sweetest person he’s ever met. He could tell by the way he looked at him. He talked about how, when they first met, he felt nervous talking to him but didn’t know why. He mentioned that when they last met up and he stayed the night, he made him food, and he even had ginger ale in his fridge, even though he joked it was such a boring drink to have. 

“Okay, you totally don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but this has been going on for years. When did this actually start?” Jackie inquired. She was so curious about who this mystery man was and everything about him. She’d let Shane tell him what he was willing to.

Shane pressed his lips together, “Since my rookie season.”

“Oh my god, that’s…” She paused, doing the math in her head. “That’s like 6 years!”

“I know.” Shane exasperated. 

“And you’ve been casual this whole time?”

“Yep. Or at least trying to be.”

Shane knew it sounded ridiculous. He didn’t know how he let it go on this long himself. Realistically, he should’ve ended it a long time ago, but now they were here, and he didn’t want it to be casual anymore.

“And it sounds like he really cares about you…” Jackie trailed off. 

“He really does, Jackie.” Shane blushed.

Jackie thought to herself for a moment, really wanting him to continue, but not wanting to push too far. 

“Can I ask about your first time hooking up?” Jackie asked carefully.

Shane could tell he felt looser, not drunk, not quite tipsy, but enough to feel comfortable. It helped talking to Jackie.

“The first time we hooked up, he came to my hotel room, and he was so gentle with me. Sex has always been, eh, to me, but with him? It was a whole new experience.” He blushed so deeply he swore he could feel it to his core. “The first time we went…all the way, he checked in with me so much. He has a reputation for being such an asshole, but he’s different when he’s allowed to be himself.”

“The bar is incredibly low for men. I’ve had my fair share before I found Hayden.”

“He’s the only man I’ve ever been with.”

Jackie smiled at him, she was grinning so wide from hearing all of this from Shane. She had never heard him open up so much, and she was so honored to be the one he chose to talk to.

“He sounds sweet. How did you meet?”

She saw the moment Shane froze. She wasn’t quite sure why, but her mind couldn’t help but race at all the possible reasons.

“It’s because of hockey.” He finally said. Shane thought it was simple enough that it wouldn’t lead to the fact that his mystery man is another hockey player. She could assume it’s someone on the staff team or literally anyone who might have ties to the Boston Raiders. 

“I’m not going to push you to tell me who it is. I’m not going to lie, I’m so curious, but it’s your business. You’re already so strong for being able to admit all of this to someone for the first time. I’m so happy that you’re so happy, Shane.” Jackie explained. 

“Thank you, Jackie. So much.”

“Don’t you dare thank me for doing the bare minimum. I will always be here for you, though.”

They giggled over one more glass of wine as Shane allowed himself to tell her some stories of their hookups over the years. It all felt so freeing. He hadn’t felt this free in years. It was starting to get late, so once they were done, Shane stood up and took both their glasses to wash them in the sink. Jackie, meanwhile, put away the bottle of wine.

“Take the guest room, we both know you’re not driving home tonight,” Jackie said as she kissed him on the cheek. “You know where the extras of everything else are, so help yourself. My place is your place or whatever the hell.”

“Thanks, get some sleep,” Shane answered.

“You too,” Jackie said as they both turned away, moving towards their respective rooms. 

Shane crawled into the soft bed in just his boxers and smiled to himself. This was a shitty situation, and it could go down in burning flames so easily. But for the first time, he felt more hope than despair. He didn’t have to hide absolutely everything anymore.

The next morning, Shane woke up, reaching for his phone to check the time. It was 7 in the morning. It was a little later than he usually allowed himself to sleep, but he decided that he deserved it sometimes. He got up and took a shower in the guest bathroom that was attached to the bedroom, trying to wake up a little more.

Once feeling more fresh and alive, he made his way around the corner to the smell of pancakes in the kitchen. Hayden was up making breakfast for the kids as Jackie was making a fresh pot of coffee.

“Good morning sunshine!” Hayden said, saluting him with his spatula. “I know you don’t love eating much outside of your meal plan during the season, but we have a bunch of fruit and oatmeal and stuff for you.” He added.

“Thanks, Hayd, maybe I’ll have a small pancake with the fruit.” Shane should be able to let himself indulge more than just one day out of the month. It wouldn't mean they'd be thrown out of the standings for the playoffs if he had some fun. He still worked hard.

Once plates were made and the food was cut into small pieces for the kids, they all ate in a comfortable silence. Shane’s glad they cut themselves off when they did last night because they would’ve gotten a hangover otherwise. 

“How was the bar with JJ?” Shane asked his friend.

“It was good, we missed you! Maybe we can do something not at a bar next time so you’ll come.”

“That’d be nice. I’d like to hang out with you two more.”

Jackie smiled to herself. For as long as she’s known Shane Hollander, he's always been very uptight and not wanting to be out of a routine for long, or at all. She could tell he’s letting himself grow into it all more.

Later, after Shane helped the couple clean up, he was leaving to go back home. He gave hugs to the kids and promised to be back soon, and then hugged Jackie and Hayden. When he hugged Jackie tightly, she whispered into his ear, “Text me when you guys talk.” She pulled back with a suspicious wink that Hayden luckily didn’t notice.

Shane hung his head down for a moment and quickly recovered to wave bye as he exited the Pike residence. He got into his car and made his way back home to Montreal.

Chapter Text

It was a few days before the next Montreal vs Boston game when Shane decided to text Ilya again.

Jane: Ready to die in a few days?

Lily: Wow your sexting needs some work

Jane: Sorry if I’m just that good

Jane: Must be hard being the 3rd best player in the league

Lily: 3rd?

Lily: Who is second?

Shane decided to let him suffer for a minute or two.

Lily: Hollander

Lily: Shane

Jane: Scott Hunter

Shane could feel Ilya’s outrage from Canada.

Lily: Abuse! This is abuse!

Lily: You want me dead

Lily: You will pay for this Hollander

Jane: What are you going to do?

A few minutes passed, the text bubbles popping up several times before a response came through.

Lily: You are such a brat

Lily: You will regret it

Jane: If you say so…

Shane laughed to himself at Ilya’s reaction. He wondered if he laughed at his texts like he did, if he enjoyed this new version of texting from Shane. He felt proud of himself for rendering him speechless for so long. 

He knew Boston didn't have another game for a few days after their one against Montreal. He speculated if Ilya would stick around a little longer if he asked.

Fuck it.

Jane: You don’t have another game for a few days after ours

Lily: Good observation skills sweetheart

Shane was so glad he was alone in his apartment after the squeaky gasp he let out after reading the pet name. Sweetheart? 

His mind was going a million miles a minute as he tried to type out a good response. 

Jane: What would you say if I asked you to stay an extra day or 2?

Lily: I would ask if you mean at your sex condo or not

Jane: It’s not a sex condo! It’s an investment

Lily: And Scott Hunter does not belong in museum

Lily: I know how lying works. You don’t have to explain

Jane: Shut the fuck up

Jane: Anyways

Jane: I would say that you could stay at my actual place in Montreal

Lily: I would ask if you could send me the address

Jane: You’re going to have to earn that

Lily: Challenge accepted

Shane smiled to himself and got to planning. He wanted to make him food as he had done in Boston, but he wanted it to be special. Even if he was terrified of the outcome, whatever that may be.

Shane looked up some common home cooked recipes that Ilya may have had in Russia. Ilya could invite him into his home and make him food, so why couldn’t he?

He made sure that alongside his ginger ale were cans of Coke, and he even got authentic Russian vodka.

He might not see Ilya until All Stars in January, and that was over a month away, he wanted to make the most of it.

Jane: Do you have any allergies?

Lily: I’m allergic to bad hockey players

Jane: You must be itching out of your skin then

Lily: Why must you be so mean to me

Jane: Can’t handle it?

Lily: Oh I can handle you plenty

Shane was having fun stepping out of his comfort zone from his usual texts with Ilya. Sprinkle in a little bit of flirting, and he was having the time of his life. It made the looming anticipation dwindle just a little bit.

He was also confiding in Jackie more. As much as he loved Hayden, Jackie was a little easier to talk to, and she knew one of his biggest secrets.

Shane: Want me to tell you something else about Lily?

Jackie: ?

Jackie: DUH

Jackie: Of course! Why would I ever say no?!

Shane: He’s from another country and I’m making a homemade meal he may have had back home when he stays with me

Jackie: That’s so sweet! Are you going to tell me what it is?

He wasn’t sure if telling her about Russia would be too obvious, but she was kind enough she wouldn’t guess who this guy was over and over until he said yes. She's not like her husband. He could take a chance.

Shane: It's pelmeni

Shane: He’s from Russia

Jackie: Oooh, he got an accent? 👀

Shane: The hottest

Jackie: Hot

Jackie: You lucky duck

Jackie would also delight Shane in being able to talk about Ilya, despite not knowing his true identity. Even if he told Hayden, he doesn’t think he would be able to talk about him. Shane would never stop thanking and appreciating Jackie Pike.

Jackie: When is he flying in?

Shane: In 3 days and then staying with me for 2 days after

Jackie: You guys going to do anything besides have a sex marathon?

Shane: Well we have to eat at some point

Jackie: I never thought I’d see this side of you but I’m not complaining! I love it

Shane: We’ve never done much else besides that and talk hockey

Jackie: You could take him somewhere!

Shane: I’m not sure that’s a great idea

Jackie: And why not?

Shane decided to confide in her a bit more.

Shane: He’s kind of a public figure. I promise you it would not be good for us to be seen together like that. At least not right now

Jackie: I’m enjoying all these crumbs you’re leaving me

The day the Boston Raiders were flying into Montreal, Shane tried to stick to his pregame routine as much as possible. He just couldn’t shake the anxious feeling settling inside his rib cage. 

Hayden even noticed when they were at the rink.

“Hey, you good?” He asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, just excited for the game, it’s a big one!” Shane said entirely too suspiciously.

“You bet, man. Any game is with you and Rozanov at each other’s throats!”

And that was the entire fucking problem. There’s too much at risk if they were together, not just with Russia but with the league and their respective teams. The rivalry has been played up so much. Would anyone believe it if they were suddenly friends?

The game was intense like usual. A battle for which team could get the upper hand. It would be tied one minute, and then up by one the next. When Rozanov checked Shane up against the boards, he did it harder than usual, like he was trying to make a point.

In the end, Montreal got the upper hand and kept it, 4-3. The horns blared in his ears, and he felt another rush of adrenaline from the win. Shane walked back to the locker room with his teammates as they all talked about which bar they were going to head to next.

“You gonna come this time, cap?” One of them asked.

Hayden immediately answered for him with a devious smirk on his face. “No, he’s got a hot date with his Boston Lily.”

Shane’s face felt hot. If only they knew.

He heard the whoops and hollers from his fellow teammates as he stared down at his feet, willing them to stop.

“When are we gonna meet her, mon ami?” JJ asked, slinging an arm around Shane.

“Never.” 

He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Lily, ignoring whatever stupid comments were being thrown in his direction. None of that mattered right now.

Jane: If you’re not too upset about losing

Jane sent a location pin

Shane quickly peeled off his gear and under-armor so he could head into the showers. He tried to be as quick as possible so he could head home and get everything ready.

By the time Rozanov was buzzing his way into the building, Shane had everything set up on plates at his small dining table. He heated the pelmeni he'd made along with a small salad. He had their respective drinks poured into glasses on the side, too. He felt prepared. As prepared as he could be.

He heard his soft rap on the door and bolted towards it, way more eager than he’d like Ilya to know about. He stood on the other side and inhaled deeply as he opened the front door. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Are you going to let me in or what?”

“Oh, sorry.” Shane stepped aside, extending a hand, trying to usher him inside. He’s never had anyone in his apartment besides family and some guys on the team, maybe that’s why he was so nervous.

“Sorry you got your ass beat,” Shane smirked.

“No, you’re not solnyshko.”

“At least tell me in English how you’re insulting me, asshole.”

Ilya just grinned and walked a little further inside.

“Something smells good.” He commented.

“Yeah, I figured you didn’t have time to get food after the game, so I made us something. If you’re hungry, that is.” Shane stammered out. 

Fuck he probably looked and sounded so pathetic. But if he did, Ilya didn’t let him know he knew.

“Mmm, I am. Maybe for dessert afterward too, no?” He replied, moving his hands towards his waist, squeezing slightly.

“You can’t keep it in your pants for an hour?”

“If I have to.” He groaned playfully, moving past Shane and into the kitchen. Shane could hear the moment he froze in his footsteps.

“Shane?”

Shane followed him and just stayed silent.

“Is that pelmeni?” He added.

“Yeah. I wanted to find a Russian food you probably liked. I should’ve just asked you. It’s okay if it’s not something you like, we could always get something else or—“

Ilya turned towards him completely, silencing him with an open mouthed kiss. Shane immediately melted in his arms and responded to it. 

He eventually pulled back, and the blonde's eyes looked glossy?

“Let’s eat.” Ilya pulled away and sat down at the table. Shane slightly shook his head, trying to get his body to regulate again. He took the seat opposite him. 

It was silent for a while as they ate, risking small glances at the other. This was even more domestic than when they were at Ilya's place in Boston. It felt more intimate.  And as soon as they were both done, Ilya took the liberty of grabbing their plates and going to rinse them off in the sink.

“You don’t need to do that,” Shane said, getting up from his chair.

“You cooked, so I clean. Go sit or do whatever you do.” Ilya flung his hand in the air. Shane smiled at him from behind and waited until he was done. He stood there, crossing his arms with a soft smile. He allowed himself a second to daydream a life where this would be okay, where they could do this and not have a worry in the world. A life where they could just...be.

When he turned back around, he noticed Shane still standing there.

“Why are you watching me? Do dishes turn you on now?” It was so obvious how he tried to hide his nervousness or embarrassment with jokes or sarcasm. It was his way of coping with his true feelings. A man-made armor.

“That’s not what does.” Shane stared with a glint in his eyes.

As much as he’d love to take him by the hand and lead him into his bedroom, they needed to talk. But they could still make out for a little bit.

Ilya took Shane’s demeanor as his opening and rushed into his arms with his one hand in his hair and the other rubbing the back of his neck, trying to pull him in deeper. Once thoroughly disheveled with hair poking out at odd angles, Shane pulled back, out of breath. 

“As much as I don’t want to stop, we need to talk.” He admitted, his eyes staying shut for a moment.

Ilya, also out of breath, agreed.

Shane took hold of his hand and pulled him into his bedroom. It made him more comfortable to be in a more familiar place. His anxiety was carving out a home in his chest, feeling more warm and heavy with each step he took. All his doubts and worries forced themselves to the surface as he continued his journey up the stairs. This could change his life, their lives, either for better or worse. He was terrified if he ended up being wrong about this. He didn’t know if he could imagine a life without Ilya in it. If they couldn't be with each other in some shape or another.

He pushed open the door to his bedroom and another thought appeared. Ilya's never been in his bedroom. A place he felt comfortable being at his most vulnerable. But what was more troubling was the fact that this thought didn’t send him into a spiral like he expected it to.

“Can we sit?” Shane sounded small as he asked.

The Russian just took a seat at the edge of Shane’s bed and brushed his hand on the blanket folded over at the end. Shane joined and sat right next to him, only leaving a few inches between them.

Ilya stayed silent, letting Shane figure out the words in his head and how he wanted them to come out. He let his hand drift to the boy's thigh, trying to offer some kind of comfort. He squeezed him and let it linger. 

Shane wouldn’t have been able to tell, but Ilya was just as terrified. He’s never felt like this about another person before. There was so much at stake, but at times he wanted to say fuck it and scream to the world that he was in love with Shane Hollander. He was in love with the captain of the Montreal Metros. The man who was supposed to be his most hated rival. He spent his days trying to drown out his thoughts and feelings with alcohol and women, but he couldn’t be bothered to try and be with anyone else anymore. Not when this God of a man sat next to him.

“What are we?” Shane broke him out of his wandering mind.

“I don’t know.” Was that really all he could come up with?

“It’s not just me, right?”

“No. It’s not.”

Neither of them could look at each other in the eyes at this point. Too scared and too stubborn to be the first.

Finally, Shane spoke.

“I know you’re the only guy I’ve really been with and you have more experience to compare with. But, I don’t know what we’re doing if all we’re doing is hooking up.”

“I haven’t been with anyone else in over a year, Hollander.”

That did it for Shane. He snapped his head up and looked straight into his glistening eyes filled with a kind of fondness he wasn't sure how to describe.

“What?”

Everything he wanted to say now was just a jumbled world salad in his mind. All he could get out was that one simple word. Ilya just stared back at him, feeling more confined within that confession.

Suddenly, he found another word, “Why?”

Ilya took an agonizing breath and looked down at the hand that was still placed on Shane's thigh. “Because no one else can compare to you.”

It was so quiet, he wasn't sure he heard him right. Shane thinks he must have stopped breathing. Could he really feel the same way?

Ilya continued.

“I don’t know how we got to this point, but I don’t regret any of it. I spend my days wishing you were by my side. You consume my every waking thought, Shane, and I don’t know what to do with it.” Ilya moaned out, “Blyad.”

Shane’s mind was completely blank, there was a complete silence blocking him in as he tried to process these words coming out of his mouth.

A moment later, Shane asked carefully, “If we could, would you want to?” He didn’t dare say the words.

“We can’t.” 

Oh.

“But I want it.”

Oh.

Words and sentences started to become a bit more normal again.

“What if we tried?” Shane shot out. “I haven’t been with anyone else either. What if we were just exclusive? We don’t have to label it right now if we don’t want to.”

Ilya nodded so softly, Shane barely even noticed.

“Fuck why is this so scary?” 

“There’s a lot at stake.”

“Fuck.”

They both sat there in silence, the fear and warmth buzzing around the room, never slowing down. Ilya broke the silence again.

“I wouldn’t be able to go home again.”

Shane didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Because of your family?”

“Because Russia! They’re not so kind to people like us over there.” He exclaimed. "My father is police. My brother is police."

Shane had an idea of what he was saying, but when it's placed right in front of him, with someone he cares so deeply about. It’s worse. 

"What would happen to you if they knew?"

"I don't want to find out." He sighed.

“Obviously, we can’t come out. I’m nowhere near ready for that anyway. But we can still keep it a secret for now. Just be—“ Shane paused. He placed his hand on top of Ilyas, still perched on his thigh. “—We can just be us.”

Ilya flipped his hand over to securely hold onto Shane's and squeezed. That’s when Shane noticed a small tear fall down his cheek.

“Hey,” he said as he climbed into his lap.

"Sorry," Ilya tried.

Shane just kissed him deeply. He immediately responded and held onto his waist tightly. Shane pulled back and guided Ilyas' head into his neck and hugged him tightly. He never wanted to let him go.

Ilya just held back tighter. 

This was only the first step. They didn’t even have a name for what they were, but they knew they belonged to each other. They knew everything would eventually be okay. Even if they couldn't say it out loud.

Chapter Text

That next morning, they woke up in each other's arms. Shane woke up first and found himself wrapped around Ilya’s body with his arm around his waist. He felt warm, both physically and emotionally. He remembered their emotional conversation last night and gripped him a little tighter. He decided to stay still and enjoy this sweet moment while it lasted.

But at the sudden pressure, Ilya started to stir and immediately grabbed Shane’s hand around his waist and pulled it to his chest to hold onto. 

“Good morning,” Shane whispered in his ear. Shane couldn’t see it, but Ilya smiled so hard his face hurt. He wanted to capture this moment and live in it forever.

“Good morning, moy solnyshko.” He responded.

“Are you going to tell me what that means now?”

“It means my little sunshine, basically.”

“Oh.”

Shane felt something bloom in his chest. He knew he’d heard Ilya call him that before, and that was before they had their much needed talk. 

Ilya could tell Shane was deep in thought. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah! It’s just new. But I’m okay with it, I’m really okay with it.”

“Good,” Ilya replied as he shifted to turn towards Shane. 

They were now face to face, their noses just a brush apart from each other. He caught his lips in a slow kiss. He let himself melt against him before pulling back.

“We should brush our teeth first.”

Ilya groaned and flopped his head dramatically back towards his pillow.

“You’re a baby, come on.” Shane got up and kept hold of his hand, trying to drag him off the bed with him. He eventually followed, and they stood next to each other, brushing their teeth together. Every smaller, newer thing felt like another step in the right direction.

Once done, Ilya grabbed the sides of Shane’s face and pulled him in close.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Shane said against his lips.

“Me too.”

They spent the rest of the morning in a homey kind of vibe. They cooked breakfast and did their respective workouts together. It was nice to just spend time together.

Ilya felt like he was on cloud 9. He wanted to be together, to ask Shane to be his truly, but this was entirely new to the both of them. They spent 6 years hooking up, and neither of them could think about how many years they truly felt something that wasn’t just casual. But this was something real now, they could take this next part a little slower. They could test the waters and see how this works with them. Ilya was so excited but also so terrified. He wanted to let himself completely succumb to these feelings and go all in, but it was risky. His father was sick, but as long as he was alive, he needed to be able to go back to Russia. Russia hadn’t felt like home for a long time, but it was still where he grew up, and it was where his mother was buried. He hated his brother, and his brother hated him, but he also cared for his niece.

So he could afford to take this a little slow.

“Shit.” Shane hissed out, holding his phone in front of him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Jackie texted me. Hayden’s on his way here. He wants to check on me, and Jackie couldn’t stop him soon enough.”

“Shit.” He agreed.

He put his hands on Shane’s shoulders and rubbed them enough to give the right amount of pressure to let him know he was here. It grounded him in just the way he needed.

“I can stay inside your room, and you don’t have to tell him anything. He obviously cares about you, so hear him out, but then nicely kick him out.” He smiled, getting a laugh out of Shane.

“Are you okay with that?”

“I’m okay with whatever you’re okay with. You don’t owe him any kind of explanation you’re not ready to give, moy lyubimyy.”

Shane let Ilya’s hands drop as he pulled himself into his arms. They stayed like that for a while, long enough that the buzz alerting them that Hayden was outside pulled them abruptly from each other.

“I’ll be right upstairs,” Ilya said, giving him a way too heated kiss for having to part so soon. “I’ll take you out of your head afterwards.”

Ilya winked and headed up the stairs. As soon as he heard the door shut, he went to let Hayden inside. As he made his way to the door, he did a quick scan of the rooms, making sure there wasn’t anything out that would signify another person’s presence.

“Hey buddy!” Hayden exclaimed. “How are you doing? I feel bad you’re holed up here, so I wanted to check in.”

Shane had to keep reminding himself that he meant well and that he was his best friend. It was obvious he cared about him, but all he wanted to do was shut the door in his face and run upstairs to the hot Russian waiting for him in his bed.

“You can come in for a minute.” He said, leading him inside. “I promise I’m okay. I’m just taking the time to decompress, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that.”

They stood in an awkward silence as Shane wondered how he was going to politely tell him to get the fuck out. He loved his best friend, but he really needed him to leave.

“I did want to check on you, but since I’m here, I have news.” Hayden suddenly said. “Jackie’s pregnant!”

Shane couldn’t stop the words from coming out: “Again?”

“Jesus, not even a congratulations?”

Shane let out a forced laugh, “Sorry, congratulations, really. I was just surprised.”

“I know, it’s very soon since Arthur, but Jackie is excited. She likes being pregnant. This is our last, though. I’m so getting a vasectomy afterward.”

Shane doesn’t know how Jackie does it all when they have to leave so much for away games. She has to be one of the strongest women he knows. 

“As much as I love your kids and your future one, I think you’re right.” Shane put his hand on Hayden’s shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze.

Shane saw his opening.

“Maybe you should get back to Jackie, you could pick up some food for her on the way to surprise her. You gotta pamper her even more with 4 kids now. If you’re sure it’s just one in there.”

“Don’t you even say that, you dick.” Hayden laughed, but his eyes showed true terror. “When are you going to join me on this adventure?”

“What you want to get me pregnant too, Hayd?”

“Fuck off.”

Shane was finally able to lead Hayden to the door with a promise to come over again soon for lunch or dinner. Once he shut the door, he let out a sigh of relief. He heard the door upstairs open quietly and footsteps coming down the stairs. The sight of Ilya instantly calmed Shane down.

Eventually, the day came when Ilya had to fly back to Boston. Luckily, the All-Stars game was in a month, and they both were, of course, invited. He couldn’t help but already miss him, though. What did make him feel a little better was talking to Jackie.

Shane: Hey

Jackie: Heyyyyy

Jackie: Sooooo

Jackie: How was it?

Jackie: Any updates? 👀

Shane: We’re not exactly labeling it at the moment, but we’re officially exclusive

Jackie: Hey! That’s something!

Jackie: Shane’s got an almost boyfriend!!!!

Jackie: Did you have a good sex marathon?

Shane: Jackie it was so great

Shane: I don’t think I really even needed my workouts when he was here

Jackie: God damn

Shane: It’s always good, but this time I have transcended reality

Jackie: That’s how I got pregnant for the fourth time

Jackie: Lily trying to get you pregnant?😏

Shane: Trying really hard, but no such luck

Shane: Tell Hayd I won’t be joining you guys anytime soon

The next free day they had off in Montreal, JJ Boiziau was calling him.

“What the fuck are you doing right now, Hollander?” He basically shouted into the phone.

Shane frowned at that.

“Nothing. Why?”

“Get your ass downtown, mon ami! My buddy Francois is having a little after party at his restaurant, and the fucking cast of X-squad is here!” He shouted. “Get your ass down here before I drag you down here myself!”

He ended the call before Shane could protest. He was trying to get a little out of his comfort zone lately. Maybe hanging out with JJ and having one drink would be fine. Boston was currently playing a game anyway, so he wouldn’t be able to text Ilya for a while. So he made his way downtown to meet JJ.

It was a cold Tuesday night in November, which meant the streets were quieter, which Shane was grateful for. He found the restaurant he’d been to once before, and the door opened before he could even reach for it. 

“Hollander! Get the fuck over here!” He heard JJ shout to him.

Shane walked over to JJ, who was sitting at a table with a few other people, a couple of them being other teammates from the Metros. JJ slung an arm around Shane, giving him a side hug.

“I’m so happy you actually came out!” He gave Shane a forceful kiss on the cheek.

“Gross.”

“Mon capitaine! Go get a drink and come back!”

Shane needed something to do with his hands, so he gladly followed JJ’s order. He walked up to the bar and ordered himself a beer, trying to relax a little. He hung around JJ and the others for a while, but this kind of gathering just felt awkward to him. He loved seeing JJ, but the atmosphere was a lot.

“I’ll be right back!” Shane tried to shout to JJ over the loud talking and laughter. He wasn’t sure if he heard him, so he just stepped away to find a quiet table in the area.

The table he found was not empty.

“You hungry?”

Shane snapped his head towards the voice, a woman with reddish-brown hair was staring at him with a boat of fries in front of her. 

It was fucking Rose Landry.

“I got these fries, but there’s no way I’m finishing them all. You should help me with that.” She smiled at him and pushed the boat of fries towards him a little.

Shane smiled back and picked up a fry, he could live a little. Ilya would be proud of him for trying not to be so boring all the time.

“I’m Rose.” She said, extending her hand. Shane took it and introduced himself.

“It’s good to meet you, I’m a fan.”

“The same to you, Shane Hollander.”

He wasn’t sure he was expecting that.

He sat there and talked to her for most of the night. It was easy to just talk, and he finally started enjoying himself at this party. He only ate a few more fries and decided to stick to water so he wouldn’t feel sick later. He noticed from the corner of his eye that JJ and some of their teammates were staring and pointing at him. They seemed to be cheering him on.

When he noticed, he flipped them off and rolled his eyes. They needed to lay off trying to hook him up with literally anyone, especially Rose Landry.

“Sorry, they’re actual idiots.” Shane apologized for their behavior.

“Don’t be. I grew up with brothers as hockey players and was constantly subjected to their kinds of friends. Some of them only care about getting laid, I swear.” She groaned, also rolling her eyes. 

“All they care about when getting me out to bars and parties is trying to hook me up with someone. I’m so tired of it.” He complained.

“You’re not looking for anyone?” Rose looked up at him a little flirtatiously.

Oh shit, had she been flirting with him?

He was either oblivious or even gayer than he thought.

He gave a polite smile. “No, sorry.”

“Don’t be!" She shook her head with a smile. "I like you either way, so we should be friends! Give me your phone!” She made grabby hands towards him.

He should have more friends who are women, they seem to understand him better than his own teammates, who he considered brothers. He handed over his phone so she could put her phone number in and immediately sent a text from her phone after. 

Rose: Hi! This is Rose!

“We seem to get along pretty well, so I hope we can be friends. Real friends. I’ll be in Montreal filming for a while, so we should go get lunch sometime.” 

Shane smiled. “That would be nice.”

Like the gentleman he was, he walked her out and offered her a ride back to where she was staying.

“You’re so sweet, Shane, but my friend Miles is going to meet me out here in a minute. He didn’t come tonight, so he’s picking me up. He already sent me his location and ETA, so I’ll be good.” Rose said, giving him a small kiss to the cheek. 

Right as she pulled back and gave him her movie-star-level smile, a slick black car pulled up behind her. “I’ll be waiting to hear from you, Hollander!”

She turned and opened the passenger door as she blew him a kiss and got inside the car. Shane smiled back and waved. Once the car pulled away, Shane pulled out his phone and texted Ilya.

Jane: You’ll never guess who I just met

Inside the car were Miles and Rose as he drove back to their hotel.

“Was that Shane Hollander?” Miles said, glancing at her. 

“Yeah! He’s so sweet and such a cutie.”

“Did you get his number?”

“Yeah, but that man is gay.” She laughed sweetly.

“Damn, you should’ve gotten his number for me then.”

“I’ll feel it out and see if he’s interested, but I’m hoping we can be really good friends. I haven’t clicked with someone when talking like that in so long,” Rose said, leaning her head back against the seat of the car as it sped off further into the city.

Chapter Text

The day when Shane and Rose met up for lunch, the tabloids exploded about her new supposed love interest.

“I should’ve known this would happen. I thought we were being discreet enough!” Rose exasperated. “Can’t a girl just get lunch with her male friend without them being assumed to be dating?”

“Apparently not,” Shane replied. “I hate being in the public eye so much, I don’t know how you do it.”

“I try to ignore it most of the time, and be living in ignorant bliss. It doesn’t work very well.”

Once they were able to hide away from all the people again, they escaped and sat in Shane’s tinted SUV sipping on smoothies.

“Everyone is going to chirp me for 'dating' you now when I go to practice tomorrow. They think I'm the fucking Virgin Mary.”

Rose looked remorseful. “I could release a statement denying it.”

“You shouldn’t have to.” He said, annoyed at the thought that he'd have to do that to get everyone off his back. “We never said we were dating in the first place, we're just hanging out. I’ll tell them we aren’t and that should be enough. It’s really none of their business anyway.”

“Okay, but if it gets too much for you, just say the word,” Rose promised.

Shane’s phone buzzed loudly as a text from Lily came in. 

Lily: New girlfriend?

Shane couldn’t help but groan out loud.

“It already start?” She questioned.

“No, my, um, the person I’m kind of seeing is asking if you’re my new girlfriend.” Shane wasn’t really sure what to call him. They weren’t necessarily dating, but they were seeing each other, in a way. They are exclusive now.

“So you are seeing someone?” Rose said, side-eyeing him.

“Kind of.” Shane almost immediately gave in. He loved being able to talk about him when he could, especially with someone who wouldn't really know them enough to keep prying over and over once he admits it.

“Damn, my friend Miles thought you were cute. He wanted me to see if you're with someone.”

“What?” Shane froze. Was it obvious he's gay? Was he really that obvious? Does that mean more people know? What if it could get out and somehow drag Ilya out with it too?

“Shane, it’s okay if you’re gay. I could only tell because I thought my flirting was pretty obvious and the fact I’ve had many gay boyfriends before.”

“Oh. God, I’m sorry.” He put his head down in his hands.

“You're so Canadian. Stop apologizing for everything! You’ve literally done nothing wrong!” She gave another one of her caring smiles.

Rose was sweet. In another life maybe he’d like her like that, but he was glad to have her as a friend. Maybe he could talk more to her because there were fewer expectations since they didn’t already know each other. It made the pressure lessen.

Rose flipped her hair back over her shoulder and leaned back in her seat. “What are you going to tell him?”

“I’m going to tell him you’re my friend, not my girlfriend. He should know that already.”

Jane: She’s not my girlfriend

Jane: Besides

Jane: I thought we were exclusive now??

The response came in quick.

Lily: Just making sure🤨

“Oh, you’re in love.”

“What? No I’m not.”

“You’re blushing so hard right now! And your eyes! You look so enamored, and that’s just from his texts.” She giggled. She was so happy to see such a blatant look of love on his face. If she couldn't find love right now, she will gladly enjoy seeing her friend's love.

“Shut up.”

She smirked up at him and nudged his shoulder. His blush radiated off him, and his face felt hot. He was already in so deep, and there was absolutely no coming back, and he didn’t really want to. He knew he was in love, but he wasn’t sure if he loved him back. But that was a future Shane problem.

“I’ve still got the rest of the day off, you have any dinner plans?” Rose asked.

“I’ve got a game tomorrow so I can’t stay out too late, but we could grab dinner.” Shane thought for a moment. Rose had mentioned to him that she needed more girlfriends to hang out with, and he knew of the perfect person. “Would you care if I invited a friend with us? I have a feeling you two would get along really well. She’s great.”

Rose instantly smiled. “Yes! I need more girlfriends, and I trust your judgement. You’re friends with me anyway.” She flipped her hair back dramatically with a smirk.

Yeah. Jackie would like her.

Later that night, he went to pick up Jackie from her place, leaving Hayden with the kids for the night. It was about bedtime for them anyway. Rose stayed behind at Shane’s place in Montreal, wanting to set the table with the takeout she volunteered to go get.

Shane pulled up to her house and texted her he was here. Not even 30 seconds later, she came out the front door as Hayden yelled out from behind her, “Should I be worried about how much you’re stealing my wife lately?!”

“Very.” Shane laughed as they both waved goodbye. 

Shane pulled out onto the road, and Jackie was humming along to the radio.

“You said you have a friend you wanted me to meet?”

“Yeah. You know Rose Landry?” He said like it was the most casual thing in the world.

“Rose Landry? Like movie star Rose Landry? That’s who you want me to meet?” Jackie was aghast. “What the fuck, Shane?”

“Sorry to spring it on you, I didn’t want Hayden to know. He’d beg to come, and this felt like it should be a ‘girls night’.”

“No, you’re fine! I’m honored, really. I can't wait to have a girls night with Shane Hollander and Rose Landry.” Jackie explained. 

She looked at him, studying him for a moment as he tried to keep his eyes focused solely on the road, not wanting to look up at the moment.

“Does she know?”

“Know what?”

“Shane…”

Shane sighed, defeated. He didn't know the meaning of subtlety.

“Yeah, she does. She was apparently trying to flirt with me, and I didn’t notice for a second.” He laughed a bit. It sounded a bit ridiculous saying it out loud.

“That makes sense. You’ve got eyes for your hot accented man.” He could feel her raised eyebrows without even looking up.

By the time they arrived at Shane’s place, the sun was completely set, and the moon was out. They walked up the steps, and Shane led her into his home. Rose had already set everything out and was waiting by the table for them. She jumped up when she heard the door open and straightened out her dress. When they rounded the corner, she smiled.

“Hi Jackie! I’m Rose.” She extended her hand in greeting.

“Hello Rose Landry, I’m Jackie Pike.” She shook her hand and smiled back. “Sorry, I have to admit I’m a little star-struck.”

“You’re so sweet, that’s how I felt meeting Shane here. I’ve been a hockey fan all my life, especially with Michigan and the Canadian teams. I know your husband is Hayden Pike, number 35. He’s a good player.” 

“He’s my favorite,” Jackie said. “Sorry, Shane.”

“No offense taken.” He laughed.

They ate over laughter and stories. The only other places he's felt this comfortable were when he’s at the Pikes' home and whenever he’s in Ilya's vicinity.

“So, Shane tells me you know about his lover,” Jackie said, waggling her eyebrows.

“Not much! Just how lovestruck he is when they text.” 

“I know, right? And they weren’t exclusive before? I’m glad they finally realized their damn feelings.”

“Hey, we’re not together together.” Shane tried to defend himself.

“Why not?” Rose asked.

“He’s from another country, here on a work visa. His country wouldn’t be good to him if he’s outed. It’s risky, so we’re taking it slow.”

“Slower than it already is?” Jackie interrupted. 

“How long has this been going on?” Rose gasped.

Shane mumbled something intelligible.

“What?”

“6 years.”

“Shane. Honey.” Rose placed her hand on his arm. “If you don’t want to label it, that’s okay, but you guys are basically together at this point.”

Shane knew that in the back of his mind, but the thought was horrifying. He hadn’t even told his parents he’s gay. Could he eventually call Ilya his boyfriend?

“We talked a while ago and agreed we’d be exclusive and not really label anything for now. We obviously need to talk more, but we really only see each other a handful of times a year. It makes it so much more difficult.” Shane said, trying to explain all the reasons why they can't. 

“I’m sorry, Shane. I didn’t know that.” Jackie apologized.

“It’s fine. We’re trying to figure it out." Shane paused. "We know it’s hard. It was hard enough when we were just sleeping together.”

“You could invite him to yours for the summer.” Rose offered. “Don’t you have a cottage in Ottawa? From that small documentary you did?”

“Yeah.”

“Invite him for a week or two during the summer. You said he has a work visa, so he’d still have time to head back to his country to keep things up to date.”

Jackie set her fork down and clapped.

“Rose Landry, you may be the smartest person on this entire planet.” She praised. “Our queen.”

“I’ll ask him, I promise.” Shane agreed with a smile.

Having Ilya at his cottage would be a dream. Just the two of them where they could spend the entirety of their time together and not worry about their next game and hiding so much. They could have more time together and more time to figure things out. Figure out what they were, if Shane didn't feel like he'd blab about it sooner.

“Can we have a group chat?" Rose intercepted his thoughts. "I will desperately be needing updates, especially if this other movie I’m supposed to be doing actually gets picked up. I have a feeling I’ll be bored out of my mind.”

“I will make it as soon as I get home! The Shane Support Squad will be born!” Jackie vowed to the table.

“Jesus Christ.”