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Noelle counts over and over in her head until she feels sick. Ten, twelve, eleven, twelve, thirteen. Twenty. She closes her eyes against the harsh glare of her room, forcing herself into a sitting position. Dad’s about to die, and Mom’s not home. Dess never came back. Kris wouldn’t do what she told them.
Kris. They’d dragged her back up out of the waves, that glittering red heart in their chest giving them strength that shouldn’t be possible from a human. She’d told anyone who asked that they tripped and fell. Nobody really believed it, except for maybe Catty. Kris hadn’t changed as much as she thought they did.
At least, they hadn’t changed enough to do something crazy. She’d been manipulated, forced to kill, and they couldn’t take the same treatment back. That red SOUL in their chest burns in the back of her eyelids, mirroring the ache in her chest that’s haunted her ever since the Thorn Ring was forced on her hand again.
Noelle’s scarred hand tightens around a pill bottle, dad’s painkillers, something she’d stolen a week ago and hid underneath her bed. At the time, she would’ve never even thought of really doing it. A quiet part of her now wonders if she’d finally feel something before her last breath. Her bloody fur already says otherwise, deep gashes in what used to be pristine blonde.
The ugly orange bottle doesn’t ask questions. It had spilled the pills into her hand and watched her drink, without imposing a single thought. She’s grateful for it. Her father’s name, Rudolph Holiday, shines up at her from the label. He won’t recover enough to need these anymore.
Noelle’s head starts to throb, vomit welling up in her throat. I don’t need Kris. I’ll leave without them. She thinks, stubbornly, as she peels herself from the bed onto her hooves. Blue spots swim into her vision. Her limbs feel like jello. She stumbles her way out of the house and out into the night, headed for the treeline, finding nothing obstructing her path.
The lake. The lake. Her mind chants, repeating itself until she’s running, even as the world spins around her. Nobody comes to stop her. She wades out into the water, welcoming it like a cold hug. How many of those did she take, again? I can do it without Kris. I can make it without Kris.
Noelle’s body doesn’t carry her far. Somewhere, far away from either shore, her head lulls and her arms lose their strength. The waves pull her under. She’s so out of it from the pills she can hardly find it in herself to panic.
Somebody’s singing down here. Dess? She inhales a mouthful of water, the pressure hurts her head. A horrible wailing sound is coming from the shore. Noelle turns and fights her senses, swimming down, even as she starts to suffocate. Dess, its me. I found you.
The water makes her ribs jerk, her body shuddering, feet going numb. She can’t feel anything other than the weight of it, pulling her further into the dark. For once, she’s terrified again. Dess, please! If you’re here with me, please, make this suffering end. Set me free, like you are.
A hand wraps around her waist and pulls her back towards the surface. Desperately, she fights against it, reaching for the darkness that she knows Dess is inside. No, no! Take me with you, we’ll be together again, don’t make me go back. December! Please, don’t leave me again!
Noelle pukes up water the second her head breaks the surface, a pitiful choked sob pushing its way out of her throat. Her head ends up on the blue-clad shoulder of the person condemning her to life. Sans? She hacks up more water, hardly managing to keep it from getting on his jacket. Somebody I barely know. Red and white lights flash at the shore.
Sans doesn’t say anything at first, but she can see the horror in his sockets, even if he doesn’t have much of a face. He situates his position to better hold onto her, arms around her waist so she doesn’t slip. “…kiddo?” The skeleton tries, and all she can do is hack up more water as a response. His teeth grit together. “You’re… lucky it was me that noticed. Skeletons don’t need air. Nobody else could’ve saved you down there.”
The second Noelle can breathe again, she hits him. Her arms are too weak to really do any damage, but she can’t help but cry, trying to shove him away. His blue eye darkens. “Hey, now. Quit that.” He mutters, swimming back towards the shore with her in tow, ignoring her desperate attempts to throw him off. “You might not see it this way now, but I'm tryin’ to help you. Killing yourself won’t fix anything. I knew something was off about you during the festival, but… never thought it’d turn out this way.”
Fuck you, she thinks. I could kill you right here and now. You’re nothing. You’re weak. Noelle starts crying all over again, bleating like a fawn. A stranger was the one to rescue her, the ‘comedian’ of the town, and not her own family. He doesn’t make fun of her either, holding her like an upset child as they near the horrified faces of the townsfolk. That screaming, it must’ve been Susie, with the way she hides herself in her sleeves, her expression dark.
“It’s alright, Noelle. Shh.” Sans attempts to soothe her as the paramedics come sprinting over, carefully handing her over. When she sees her mother’s eyes, she knows she’ll never hear the end of it.
Maybe she hadn’t really changed at all.