Pale_Blue



Recent works

Recent series

  1. Summary

    Little slice of life moments

    Words:
    6,397
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    6
    Bookmarks:
    9
  2. Words:
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  3. Words:
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  4. Words:
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  5. Words:
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Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark 22

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    Summary

    Shane likes to think of himself cross-sected and splayed open like a surgical diorama with pins in all the important parts. This is the part that causes the specimen to respond to anger, fear, hurt, love, with tears. This is the part that sometimes feels a little better after throwing up. This is the part that likes anal sex. This is the part that processes social interactions. See how it’s atrophied and dysfunctional?

    He likes thinking about that sometimes, too. About every part of him being located somewhere along his genome, or pieced together like plastic organs in a 7th grade biology model all crammed in but only if assembled in the right sequence. Like the things that are wrong with him are traceable to something concrete that he can blame. The shape of his eyes? From his mom. Athleticism? From his dad. Being maybe gay? Probably a mutation. Definitely not supposed to be there.
    -
    Essentially, how Shane Hollander learns to be a man.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,427
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    102
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    953

    21 Jul 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 26

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    Summary

    Ilya was a lot like his mama. Blond curls, bumpy noses, sharp cheekbones.

    They both loved to dance around the kitchen and cook for the people they loved. They joked and laughed and when they were happy, their smiles shone.

    They were both very, very sad.

    Ilya saw his mama in everything. Especially himself.

    or,

    Ilya goes through a depressive episode. Shane helps.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,029
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    133
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    1,420

    20 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark 49

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    Summary

    Ilya’s not stupid. Ilya is a fucking hockey prodigy who talked circles around everyone on his team in Russia — some coaches included — with his ideas for strategy and different plays. But all the words from back then are useless to him here, and the words he has at his disposal now don’t do justice to a single thing he wants to say.

    Ilya and the English language, through the years.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,257
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    264
    Bookmarks:
    49
    Hits:
    2,194

    20 Jul 2026

  4. Public Bookmark 58

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    Summary

    Haasy

    a few days ago he said he missed home.

    he said he couldn't focus because his mind was on death.

    not like in a suicidal way!

    i don't think so, at least.

    he was feeling nostalgic.

    he said, "haasy, i think i am going back home."

    Or, Ilya is having a mental health crisis and goes missing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,057
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    621
    Bookmarks:
    58
    Hits:
    4,312

    16 Jul 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    And yeah, Shane knew that Ilya hadn’t been okay last time he was in Russia, but Ilya had had the very real excuse of a funeral to blame things on. Ilya had downplayed it as much as he could, and Shane hadn’t been there, he’d heard the fatigue and he’d seen Ilya’s tired smile, but he hadn’t felt the way Ilya’s hands were cold the entire time he was there, hadn’t seen through the screen the way Ilya dropped eight pounds in three weeks, hadn’t kept time when there were twenty hours in Ilya’s day instead of something closer to sixteen. Or, on the flip side, for the week or two after, when there had been approximately ten conscious hours in a day.

    It was one thing to see something. It was another to feel it in your hands.

    Ilya and Shane are so, so happy for their first year married. They’re playing in Ottawa together, they’re fucking winning, they’re together and out.

    So now, after a year, Ilya should be fine. He should be great. He should not be flinching at small noises or nearly punching people off the clock or feeling like he’s drowning whenever he’s not on the ice.

    Or: Ilya Rozanov, meet your PTSD.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    58,246
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Comments:
    699
    Kudos:
    1,372
    Bookmarks:
    557
    Hits:
    37,308

    15 Jul 2026