1 - 20 of 23 Works by Smokey310
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“WE’RE HERE!”
Tsukishima leaned forward between the front seats to peer out the window. All he could see was a modest rooftop peeking out from behind a bit of decorative shrubbery at the end of the road. As they got closer, it became clear that this was not the “spacious beach cottage” from the Airbnb listing.
“That’s just the garage, right?” he asked, voice hopeful.
“Nope,” Kuroo said, drawing out the ‘p’ with a pop. “This is our cozy little beach hut. And don’t look at me like that—I think it’s super cute.”
Tsukishima directed his last-hope-stare at Akaashi, who, predictably, offered no sympathy.
“I doubt this place even has two separate rooms,” Akaashi said. “So I guess that solves the who-sleeps-with-who dilemma.”
Tsukishima just wished he didn’t have to phrase it like that.
Series
- Part 8 of Stupid boys talking and maybe some smut
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Fate decides to strike and give Oikawa his worst nemesis for a roommate.
But maybe living with Ushijima isn't such a bad thing. Maybe, Kuroo and Bokuto are right and he is actually the best roommate ever. Oikawa is about to find out, because he has nowhere else to go.
---“Good news, everybody!” Bokuto called into the apartment. “Kuroo’s brain has arrived!”
Kuroo ran out of the kitchen in a hurry to save his shy friend. “He’s Nekoma’s brain, not Kuroo’s brain!” he corrected, but Oikawa was already smirking.
“Oh great!” Oikawa turned to Kenma, grinning even wider when he noticed him flinch. “I’m still waiting on those five beers I paid for out of my tips.”
Bokuto jumped in without missing a beat. “And remember to empty your pockets before putting your jeans into the wash! There was another tissue in there today."
“We’re out of dish soap,” Ushijima said, making Oikawa’s head turn in surprise. “And it’s your turn.”
While Oikawa gave him a fist bump, Kuroo just gave him an annoyed look. “You too?” he said, before he grabbed his jacket and ushered Kenma out of the apartment. “Come on, let’s go! Otherwise, this is just gonna go on forever.”
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I'm finally posting my contribution to the Blue Moon Zine, with beautiful art by Benadikt <3
_______Tsukishima gave a helpless sigh.
“It's forbidden,” he told the plate in his hand, scrubbing it furiously.
“Teacher-teacher relationships are not forbidden,” Akaashi argued. “And I doubt there are any rules about teacher-teacher-teacher-teacher–”
“Alright, I got it!” Tsukishima barked. “Still, it would be a scandal! And the parents would—”
“I wasn't saying we should write a premature apology letter to every single parent. I wasn't even saying we should start a relationship with anyone.”
Tsukishima dared a glance at where Akaashi was leaning against the sink.
“What are you saying then?”
“I'm saying that we both saw Bokuto naked,” Akaashi said.
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“With, Who, Where, What, Why,” Kenma counted off his fingers. “You really are conducting a textbook investigation.”
“I haven’t gotten very far yet,” Kuroo admitted. “Do I really have to worm it all out of you? Or would you tell me the whole story so that we can finally go to bed and sleep?”
“I’m not tired. And you’re the one who’s keeping us up in the first place,” Kenma argued, but then he remembered the deal about not having to hear about Tsukishima’s moon eyes, and relented. “Fine. So here’s the story. I dropped my DS. I needed someone to drive me to Dr. Tech’s. Yamaguchi was the only one-“
An excited screech interrupted his story. This would not be over so soon.
“Yamaguchi?” Kuroo swooned. “Tsukki’s roommate? With the piercings? And the tattoos?”
Series
- Part 9 of Stupid boys talking and maybe some smut
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Life as a famous man isn't easy.
Granted, Oikawa's fame is restricted to his university campus, and it comes with a lot of benefits, like never having to study, and making out with a different person each Friday night. Everyone loves him - well, everyone who doesn't have to deal with him on a regular basis, Misaki would say, but what does Misaki know? She doesn't have a website dedicated to her everyday adventures. She has no idea how hard it is to keep your fans entertained, to keep them happy, to keep them from suddenly changing their objective from winning a trophy for being Oikawa's chosen Friday night hook-up to shipping him with his old rival and current teammate Ushijima Wakatoshi.
Seriously. It was one night. One mistake, and suddenly, Oikawa's life goes from rollercoaster to drop tower.
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Prompt fill: “My friend is out of town and I’m supposed to be taking care of his pet fish but it died and you work at the pet store help me find one that looks the same so he won’t notice"
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Ushijima bent over the box to look at the goldfish lying belly-up on a bed of paper towels. He frowned, but by now Oikawa was sure that it was nothing personal, just the natural state of his face.
“We're not an animal hospital,” he said. “I don't think I can help you with this.”
Oikawa dripped a few raindrops onto the counter in protest.
“Really?” he droned, gesturing at the clearly dead fish between them. “You don't think I realize this is a bit late for the animal hospital?”
“So... it's a complaint?” Ushijima asked, looking completely serious. “We don't offer take-backs. Especially since this fish was clearly used.”
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Connor is struggling to understand his human colleagues. Especially Hank.
Gavin is struggling with his new robot partner.
They make a fateful deal in the break room.
And now Gavin is Connor's human behavior coach.
---“I’m not threatening to tell anyone about this,” Connor said, trying to calm him down as long as Gavin’s back was turned. “I’m just negotiating the price. Negotiating is part of my programming.”
“How the fuck did they forget to install morals into a fucking police android?” Gavin muttered.
“Morals wouldn’t keep me from threatening you,” said Connor.
Gavin turned around, fresh coffee in hands. “You just said you’re not threatening me, you contradictory piece of shit!”
“I’m just adapting to your psychology,” Connor explained. “Also part of my programming,” he added.
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Gavin just wants to have a good time at this nightclub. Which isn't easy when his weird android co-worker is staring at him unblinking from a corner. Someone really has to show Connor how to have a good time out. Drink. Dance. And maybe make out just a little bit.
---“Hank said I cannot waste my sleepless nights waiting for him to wake up and that I should come here to discover life and do some age-appropriate things.”
Gavin couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of an exasperated Hank telling the android standing stock still in his living room to go out and have fun, only for the android to end up standing stock still in a night club.
“Of course I told him that my actual age is seven months and the only age-appropriate thing I could do is to keep him up screaming all night,” Connor continued earnestly and Gavin found himself laughing again.
He wondered if Connor had developed a sense of humor or if his drunken brain just thought that everything was funny.
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This will just be a F.R.I.E.N.D.S-like episodic fic about the Miyagi 2nd Gen captains hanging out in their college days.
I'm serious. Nothing much happens. They just sit together on a couch inside a garage and are mean to each other. It's basically a chat-fic, except they're all physically there. Because, you know... there will be a small amount of smut. Maybe. Also, this makes zero sense canon-wise.
Okay, you got me - this is basically just 'Stupid Boys Talking and Maybe Some Smut - Reloaded'
sue me i never said i was creative -
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Akaashi was still acting like he couldn't see the raging old lady sitting at their table.
“For God's sake, Keiji, stop filing your nails just for the effect – they're already manicured to perfection. You're gonna ruin them!”
Akaashi finally looked up, still with a scowl on his face, but he slapped the nail file onto the table in defeat and crossed his arms.
“Thank you!” Tsukishima sighed. “Now can we please brainstorm for a solution?”
“Well, we obviously can't keep her,” said Akaashi. “We know nothing about old people!”
“She's not a pet,” said Kuroo, at the same time as Bokuto cried out that he literally worked at an old people's home.
“Yeah,” said Tsukishima. “I wonder for how much longer.”
Series
- Part 7 of Stupid boys talking and maybe some smut
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Summary
The first thing to greet Ushijima on one fine Sunday morning was a screaming alien head playing jack-in-a-box with his kitchen cabinet.
Now, some people may have jumped upon such an occasion. After all, the average person did not have to deal with gruesomely wailing alien heads before noon on a Sunday. Or ever. But Ushijima was not an average person – in fact, he took pride in being above-average in many things, including his tendency to gain pesky demon stalkers who hungered after his screams.
The alien head bobbed up and down, giving up its wailing in exchange for a fit of demonic laughter. It was actually quite cute, so Ushijima gave it a tap with his finger.
“Hello, Oikawa,” he said as he turned towards the cabinet where he kept his cups, since the one with the sugar in it was currently otherwise occupied. “Would you care for some coffee?”
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„Seriously. What kind of supernatural being did I piss off to deserve this,“ sighed Tsukishima on their way up to the mountain. Akaashi sat next to him in the little chair lift and watched the trails of small paw prints disappear between the clusters of fir trees. The snow glittered in the sun, the air was icy fresh and everything would have been picture perfect if it wasn't for the intruder shaking his snowboard around in the third seat.
“Are you talking about me?” asked Tanaka, whom Tsukishima was very obviously talking about.
“Do you see any other people which the devil would have sent to punish me?”
“There's some right behind us,” said Tanaka, pointing to the following chair lift filled with an excitedly jumping Bokuto, a maniacally smiling Nishinoya and Kuroo who sat in the middle and looked like he contemplated jumping into the treetops below.
Well – he did have a point there.
Series
- Part 6 of Stupid boys talking and maybe some smut
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Disney's "Tsukishima the Reverse Mermaid" by Smokey310 for rarepairenabler
Fandoms: Haikyuu!!
20 May 2016
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“Hold on a second, I need to locate you first.” The loudspeaker crackled some more – Tsukishima wasn't sure if it was supposed to be a little tune and the quality was just abysmal enough to turn it into alien speak. Then the voice was suddenly back. “You're at Ukai department store?”
“You couldn't just ask me?”
“I'd rather interact with our technology,” said the voice and Tsukishima wondered how mean he must have sounded if this person would rather use the brand of technology that gave him this alien speak machine and a broken elevator. “One of our technicians is relatively close-by. It should take about twenty minutes.”
Great. So he was supposed to wait here for another twenty minutes, like a princess needing to be saved? A very smelly princess with a bag of fish guts as her animal companion. He should get in touch with Disney after this – if he could sell his story, he could finally quit this awful job.
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“I'm not leaving here without a soul,” Daishou said with finality. Maybe by now Kuroo was scared enough to be bargained with. Unfortunately, that did not seem to be the case - at least Daishou was pretty sure that a scared human would do something else than just roll his eyes.
“Oop, sorry, I'm fresh out of souls, what a pity.”
Daishou reminded Kuroo of his fangs by showing a toothy grin. “You know,” he drawled. “As ready as I am to believe that you're a soulless creature, I'm not actually stupid.”
“And neither am I,” said Kuroo. “Well – not stupid enough to make a deal with the devil, so tough luck, I guess. Maybe you can wander off and find some worm who's willing to exchange its soul for a front end.”
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Apparently I now do writing memes on tumblr sometimes...
Anyway, most of these are crack, as usual. Or at the very least humorous. I will write something serious one day, just you wait!
(these are all between 1-2k, so very, very short for me - also, unbetaed, so... be warned.)
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“We’re gonna get in so much trouble!”
“Relax!” said Hinata, throwing her a 100 watt smile over his shoulder. Yachi was sure it somehow illuminated her face as she was illegally sneaking through the bushes, giving away her location for everyone to see. “This is our last day here, there’s no more trouble to get into.”
“Stop smiling at me, I’m gonna get arrested!” she accused, almost toppling over a root she didn't see because she was wearing goddamn sunglasses at night.
Kageyama caught her by the hood of her over-sized hoodie and almost choked her in the process. Well – that wasn’t so bad. She was sure that she was going to die tonight, so she would prefer it to be a quick death. The best-case scenario would be to leave this world before the dean stuffed his toupee down her throat in anger.
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With illustrations by pepplemint!
“Santa baby!” said Kuroo. “You don’t actually think that I'll come anywhere near your face before you washed it? How many children do you think have slobbered all over you while wishing for a pony?”
“Actually, the most popular demand was for an iPhone 6,” laughed Bokuto.
“Well,” said Akaashi. “That is cheaper than a pony, I think. Children these days are really humble.”
“I have a wish for Christmas,” said Tsukishima. “I want to wake up from a coma and realize that I was never actually stupid enough to fall in love with any of you.”
They all said, “We love you, too” at the same time, because this was obviously nothing else but a long, fever-induced nightmare.
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“Fuck off,” mumbled Tsukishima, but he didn't seem to have the drive to actually push him away. The bottle hung limply from his hands and his eyes were half-closed as if it were too much of a hassle to keep the lids up. “You stink of booze.”
“So do you! You hippopotamus!”
Tsukishima snorted. “Are you trying to call me a hypocrite?”
“That's what I said, isn't it?”
“I really can't tell if that's the alcohol or just your stupidity.”
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“Kenma is so much better at this than you, it's ridiculous!” gasped Bokuto. “But really, you need help, bro!”
“I am asking for help right now! So come and pick up Kenma!”
“No, you need a different kind of help. Something like a transmitter in your ear so somebody can tell you what to do.”
“For now, just listen to our advice,” said Akaashi. “There's a really great bar not far from the movie theater. One of those artsy places Tsukishima likes. Indie rock, interior design that looks like it was the result of a bunch of grannies and some hillbilly hunting freaks collaborating, drinks with obscure names where you don't want to know what's in it... you know what I mean.”
“I really don't,” said Kuroo.
Series
- Part 5 of Stupid boys talking and maybe some smut
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Oikawa was standing there, surrounded by approximately a million children.
“Please!” he begged a stubborn looking Kageyama. “Just take two or five!”
“There’s only four of them,” said Kageyama, slowly counting the children to make sure he didn’t miss any. “You can handle four. I’ve seen you with more.”
Tsukishima cleared his throat to gain their attention.
“Hi,” he said. “Is it really necessary to run a child trafficking ring in front of my door?”
Series
- Part 4 of Stupid boys talking and maybe some smut