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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    "I don't mean to come here and freak you out," Scott said, though he knew there was no avoiding it. He'd been where they were before. It had felt like he was dying, back then. "I just don't want you to think you're the only ones, okay? There's lots of us."

    Their eyes snapped to him in unison, startled and intense. Hollander croaked, "What?"

    "There's over sixteen hundred guys in the MLH and AHL," he reminded them, because it had felt improbable to him when he first heard until he remembered the sheer size of the hockey world. "There's — well, we don't know how many of us there are, but there's at least seventeen of us that know each other. Plus you two. We watch out for each other."

    His eyes enormous, Hollander asked, "There's, what? A secret underground gay hockey network?"

    Scott shrugged. "Yeah, basically."

    ----

    Ilya and Shane find their way into The Tennis Club, a network of closeted hockey players that hook up - so long as everyone keeps it casual. Which is no problem! They can do casual, right?

    Language:
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    10/27
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    02 Jul 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 51

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    A girl in every port. That is what Hayden had said. So that’s what Shane does. He’s got Jessica in Montreal, Lily in Boston, and he hooks up at least once a year on the road. Sure, Jessica is just a friend, and Lily isn’t even a girl, and the girls he meets in clubs and bars never get his phone number, but he’s trying. He just hasn’t met the right girl yet. Someone who can tolerate his lifestyle. Who doesn’t see him as just a friend. A girl who fits right.

    He knows he’s not really trying, because he’s got Rozanov a few times a year and the sex is so great that everything else pales in comparison. But hooking up with Rozanov isn’t the same as having a girlfriend. He’s just delaying the inevitable.

    Or, comphet is one helluva drug.

    Language:
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    16,626
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    1/1
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    02 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    June 2010. Ilya Rozanov is delayed after the CCM shoot. By the time he gets to the locker room, Shane Hollander is out of the showers and Ilya’s entire plan is ruined.
    Only not quite fully ruined. Hollander invites him to dinner with his parents as a thank you for arranging the shoot and Ilya, in a burst of insanity, agrees. He hits it off with Yuna and David. They all exchange numbers. He and Hollander become friends.
    At no point does Ilya stop wanting more from him.

    June 2016. Ilya Rozanov is a superstar. A Cup winner. An MVP. Women want him, men want to be him. He’s fucking miserable.
    He’s in love with his best friend. He can’t deny it anymore. Only now Shane is dating a movie star and happier than Ilya’s ever seen him. Ilya can’t ruin that for him, can’t ruin their friendship by asking for what he knows Shane can’t give. No matter how much it kills him.

    A charity event in San Francisco. A catastrophic computer failure. A fateful decision to drive, not fly. Two days in a car, just the two of them. Alone. Together.
    Ilya’s sick with excitement and with dread, because how can he keep his secrets with Shane so close for so long?

    What he doesn’t know is that Shane has secrets too.

    Language:
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    33,800
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    4/4
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    01 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    The YEARNING

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    “Uh,” he says, looking up from his screen and feeling his ears go hot, realizing for the first time that this habit of his hasn’t actually come up before until this exact moment.

    “What?” Rozanov asks, sounding more amused than anything else. “You are one of the people who does Instagram for food now?”

    “No,” Shane says, stalling between answering and finishing his Snap so he can send it to Melissa, “one sec.” He finishes typing out 'Tuna melt. Chips. Pickles. It smells really good. Swiss cheese, I think.' before he looks back to Rozanov, putting his phone facedown on the coffee table. “Just sending it to someone on the staff. She likes knowing what I’m eating.”

    He doesn’t know if Melissa likes knowing what he’s eating, per se, but she also seems pleased when he talks about enjoying food for things beyond how many grams of protein it has in it.

    “Ah,” Rozanov says, in a tone Shane can’t quite read. “You always send her your food then, this girl?”

    (shane has a habit of sending his team's dietician his meals for approval) (the problem with this habit? he forgets to tell ilya exactly what it is that melissa does) (how the tuna meltdown is AVERTED through the power of miscommunication)

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    30 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “He wants doll brushes because he’s seen the girls at the park brushing their plushies with them. Their dolls too, obviously. But he wants to brush that pelt you brought him-”

    David sets his crossword book down, giving Yuna his full attention.

    “What?”

    “The pelt of fur? Looks like a wolf, or maybe one of those big cats?” Yuna says, waving her hand dismissively. “Either way, I don’t think doll brushes are the right choice. We can look into getting him a set of actual grooming tools, he needs to learn that the right tools for the right job are an important-”

    “Yuna. Sweetheart.” David interrupts. “I did not buy our son a piece of dead animal as a souvenir from Russia.”

    OR

    Ilya loses something important at the airport; years later, Shane gives it back to him.

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    28 Jun 2026