thehelldoievenputhere



Recent works

Recent series

  1. Words:
    2,267
    Works:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    14
  2. Summary

    a place to collect all my crossovers, because i keep making them

    Words:
    9,043
    Works:
    9
    Bookmarks:
    2
  3. Words:
    503
    Works:
    1
    Bookmarks:
    6
  4. Summary

    planning to write more in this verse, better title hopefully pending

    Words:
    1,654
    Works:
    1
    Bookmarks:
    6
  5. Summary

    a series where damian and marinette are twins and neal caffrey is dick grayson

    Words:
    3,182
    Works:
    1
    Bookmarks:
    35

Recent bookmarks

  1. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “Ilya?” Shane said in that same dreamy, loopy voice as that morning. Ilya exhaled in a rush.

    “Shane,” he said, and wanted to sag against the glass with relief. “What happened? Is something wrong?”

    “Not! Any moooooooore.”

    Ilya swallowed. Shane hadn’t gotten any quieter in the past seven hours.

    “Why are you calling me? You need to be resting,” he said, and it sounded softer than he’d meant it to.

    “I forgot to tell you something. Important.

    “You should not be telling me anything, you should be—”

    “My cottage has really good water pressure,” Shane announced.

    Ilya stared out the window while a small plane taxied past.

    “What?”

    ——————

    Shane's cottage has a lot of amenities, and he needs to tell Ilya about all of them.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,917
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    9
    Comments:
    589
    Kudos:
    17,470
    Bookmarks:
    2,913
    Hits:
    97,370

    05 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    The same number of stars everywhere
    GlitterCity

  2. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Ilya doesn’t even try to stop the litany of Russian swears from spilling out. He also doesn’t stop himself from cursing Marly’s whole family line, and then verbalizing some of his more homicidal thoughts about Scott Hunter and the kitchen sink. He lets his Russian ranting die out and takes a few deep breaths.

    Everyone has quieted to look at him.

    “Feel better?” Marly asks.

    Maybe Ilya could drown Marly in the sink along with Hunter. Maybe he could kill everyone in the suite before Shane wakes up. He’d have to kill the butler guy, too…and the front of house staff…and the wedding chapel staff…and then convince Shane to run away with him to somewhere that would neither extradite to the US nor prosecute them for being gay. Messy. Too messy.

    OR

    Ilya wakes up with a wedding ring and a WHOLE LOT of questions...but at least Marly and Scott fucking Hunter are having a good time. This is Ilya's worst nightmare which, as it turns out, features a night of blackout drinking, misguided but supportive friends, and some VERY stupid decisions.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,369
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    623
    Kudos:
    2,727
    Bookmarks:
    614
    Hits:
    26,741

    04 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    What in the FUCK Happened in Vegas?! Can We Make it Stay in Vegas?!
    thegreenempty

  3. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Hayden's young son is diagnosed as autistic, and he begins to realize that he's seen a lot of these symptoms before...in his best friend. Now Shane's having to come to terms with being one of those people who slipped through the cracks as a child and is diagnosed as an adult. How can Ilya and the rest of their friends support him through this?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,963
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Collections:
    8
    Comments:
    660
    Kudos:
    7,421
    Bookmarks:
    1,791
    Hits:
    134,106

    03 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    Across the Spectrum
    ItsSandwichTime

  4. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    TMZ @TMZ

    Star Hockey Player Ilya Rozanov seen in Montréal a day before team is set to arrive for game this Friday. Rumors state he is there to see rival Shane Hollander. Read more here

    Shane Hollander @ShaneHollanderHockeyPlayer Right cause we're lovers Ilya Rozanov @worldsbesthockeyplayer If the tape matches…

     

    OR Ilya decides the best way to avoid the public realizing him and Shane are dating is to purposely post about him and Shane dating. Shane has a (temporary) aneurysm. It works.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,219
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    91
    Kudos:
    2,161
    Bookmarks:
    257
    Hits:
    9,202

    30 Jun 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    You are all Blind
    goodwomans

    the tape matches

  5. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “The thing is,” Ilya says, conversationally, as if he doesn't have fucking Shane Hollander grinding into his touch, as if he doesn't have a hand on his—Luca's sure of it—perfect fucking cock, “you have not been subtle, Haasy.”

    It takes Luca a moment to understand just what the hell Ilya's talking about, before he moans, low in his throat, humiliation sweeping across his body. It's not that he thought he had been actually subtle, but he hadn't expected this, of all places, to be where they confronted him. Not with Ilya's hand worming its way into Shane's pants, the soft blue of his briefs a flash color amongst the pale glow of his skin and the dark drape of his clothes.

    OR: The Cens have won the Stanley Cup. Luca's been voted Hollanov's MVP.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,614
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    358
    Kudos:
    4,030
    Bookmarks:
    1,009
    Hits:
    55,768

    06 May 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    all the things you do to me, i don't care if you're using me
    sargeantwoof