Chapter Text
“For the love of god, JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY.” You threw some popcorn at your TV as you yelled at it. Hallmark movies never really struck you as realistic stories, and yet you were addicted to watching them. Fairytale romance in any sense was something to yearn for, even for an anti-social, unromantic imp such as yourself. Who didn’t look at princes and rich guys and secretly wish for a fling like the ones in the movies?
Repetitive and bland romance wasn't cutting it for you anymore, so you clicked through channels, trying to find anything of substance. Then you landed on the local news channel. Pictures of a gruesome scene flashed across the screen. “This morning a monster was rushed to the hospital from another attack. This has been the third act of violence against the monsters this week, and tensions are rising; riots have sprung up across the city, creating more anger between the monsters and humans. In the eight months since the monsters rose from the mountain, the violence is at an all-time high. The Monster King is negotiating with lawmakers to implement more laws to accommodate for the race and is pushing for a crackdown on the perpetrators. ”
You sighed and clicked the TV off. “I think that’s enough TV for tonight.” The floorboards creaked beneath you as you walked to the kitchen and sat your bowl in the sink. You looked around at your dark apartment. You so wished you could afford a better place, but seeing as you were fresh out of college and without a job, that definitely wasn’t happening. You were most literally mooching off your parents to pay for the bills, and you somehow got by with as little food as possible. There was cash flow for doing odd jobs for other tenants in the building, but barely enough. You could only decorate with the bare minimum, such as you only had one recliner chair you’d gotten from a thrift store and one of those old chunky TVs from the ’90s in your living room.
You crept to your room, stripping as you entered your cavern of slumber. An audible sigh of relief left your lips as you unclasped your bra and your chest was finally free of its fabric prison. You slipped on an old t-shirt, not even bothering with pants. The bed almost seemed to whisper your name as you let yourself fall onto it. The one nice thing in this whole apartment was this bed because you made sure to make that investment. You thanked your past self for the stupid economic decision.
Thoughts started to creep into your mind as you tried to sleep. Is this all there is? All there ever will be? Will the disgusting attacks on monsters ever stop? Will you ever be able to find a job with your basically useless degree? Will I ever find any purpose, hell, any love? You were still young, so you had so much future ahead of you, but it was hard not to worry. You live in a hateful and unforgiving world, all you could do was hope and worry.
You started falling asleep with pinpricks of tears in your eyes, but there were loud noises of objects being dropped and moved around from across the hall outside your apartment. Someone must’ve finally rented the apartment next door, but was now really the prime time to move in? It was the middle of the night, and you were actually trying to sleep for once. Either the people had stopped moving or you’d drowned out the sound because you eventually were able to fall asleep.
Eventually, you managed to will yourself to get up, but it was 11 by the time you did. Your back and arms cracked as you stretched, a yawn escaping your lips. The sun shined through your window, and so naturally you walked over to your window and pulled the blinds down. The darkness felt good as you made your way to the bathroom. You turned the knobs in the shower, and soon steam was spilling over the curtain. Your shirt and underwear fell to the floor, and soon your skin was singing praises to the hot water.
Soon you were humming, and then you were singing ‘Candles’ by Daughter. It was a solemn song, but you loved it all the same. You envied their talent on the guitar, the best you could do right now was strum chords. But you were learning, you had only picked it up about a year ago. Hopefully, the talent would develop.
The extremely uncomfortable cold quickly enveloped your skin as you turned off the water. You grabbed a towel and quickly rubbed yourself down. A buzz came from your phone on the counter. You picked it up and saw you had a text.
Jaala: Hey dude I’m at McD’s when you gonna get here?
You checked the time in the corner. 12:02. “SHIT,” you practically screamed. You dashed to your room and slipped on a pair of jeans and a baggy sweater, the best kind of sweater. You quickly brushed your teeth and brushed your hair to the best of your ability in ten seconds. You ran to the door like it was the Olympics, grabbing your bag on the way out.
The lock clicked as you turned the key in your door, then you turned on your heel and blindly ran, which was your downfall. Literally. You ran face first into someone and fell on your butt.
“Watch it, bonehead!” You rubbed your rump, then looked up and were dumbfounded. There, also on their butt and covered in laundry, was a skeleton. A legit skeleton. And the skeleton was wearing basketball shorts, slippers, a blue jacket, and a big ass grin on his face. After a second, you immediately regretted your choice of words.
“Aw—oh god, no, I hate myself so much, I can’t believe I just said that, fuck me-” You pinched the bridge of your nose as you sat on the ground for a second. But as you thought you were going to get the biggest tirade about insensitivity, the skeleton looked like they were struggling to hold back laughter.
“geez, lady, this is all going so fast, I don’t think I’m ready for you to jump my bones quite yet,” a deep voice chortled. You groaned and dragged your hands across your face. So this guy was a jokester.
You stood up and offered a hand. “Buddy, it’s not like that. I’m sorry, I’m just in a rush. Did I break anything?”
He clutched at his chest. “maybe my heart. you had me falling for you and everything.” You almost thought a blood vessel was gonna pop, you were so done. But he looked like he was having the time of his life, his grin growing wider. He eventually accepted your hand before you could retract it. When he stood up, you could see he was shorter than you, maybe by a head’s length. You both crouched down and started picking up the laundry.
“why are you in such a rush? you headed to the best first impressions contest?” he asked. At this point, you had exhausted all the frustration out of your body.
“No, I’m supposed to meet a friend at McDonald's.”
“when?”
“About ten minutes ago.” This earned a chuckle from the skeleton.
“well, i might as well introduce myself, seeing as i’m going to be your new neighbor.”
“Wait, seriously? Doug got you an apartment here? I thought it would’ve been close to impossible to get a place around here for monsters.”
“heh. yep, it was a long hunt. we’re right next door.” He stood up with his basket and pointed to the apartment directly across from your own. You hummed, slightly wondering about the “we”. He stuck out his hand to shake. “name’s sans.”
“I’m __________.” You gave a sideways smile as you clasped his hand, and a loud farting noise resounded through the hallway. You gave him a deadpan stare, and he almost started giggling like a child.
He put up his hand to reveal a whoopie cushion. “works every time.”
You rolled your eyes. “I have to get going. I’ll see you later, as I’m quite sure our paths will cross a lot in the future.” You jogged to the elevator, but just as you were about to step inside, Sans stopped you.
“hey!”
You turned your head. “What?”
“you sing well.” You narrowed your eyes at him. He motioned to the laundry room right next to your apartment. “thin walls.”
You blushed profusely as you stomped inside and mashed the lobby button, his chuckles echoing up and down the hall as the door closed. And as soon as the doors closed, you gave two angry birds to the door. If only mom could see you now.
“So a pun-making skeleton kept you behind?” Jaala spoke slowly in skepticism, stirring her coffee with a stick. Her dark skin glistened under the fluorescent lights. You were jealous of how she managed to get such good skin.
“Dude, I’m not joking. And he lives next door now.” Jaala quirked a brow at this. You huffed. “My life is sure to get more interesting.”
“Lame excuses aside,—” You looked at her in disbelief of HER disbelief. “—you need a job. We can’t just keep meeting up at McDonald's because they have the cheapest food.”
“Hey, it’s also closer.” She folded her arms, her face very clearly communicating ‘that’s not the point, doofus’. You set your elbows on the table, your chin resting in your palms. “I’m just not having any luck finding anything that makes decent money.”
“As often you come here, you might as well work here, but sadly, even this place has loads of workers already.”
“I’m glad, too, cuz I’m not willing to lose what dignity I have left to work here.”
“Bud, work is work. I have the worst boss you can imagine, but I tolerate it because it pays the bills.”
You shot up. “Oh my god, that’s easy for you to say, miss I-live-in-a-penthouse-with-my-hot-boyfriend.”
Jaala took a long sip of her coffee, then set it down gently. So you weren’t expecting it when she picked up your hand, then crushed it like Hercules on steroids. You yelped in pain, banging your free hand on the table, crying ‘uncle’ the whole while. Some patrons started turning their heads to stare. You had completely forgotten she regularly went to the gym.
“You ready to act like a mature adult now?” Tears ran down your cheeks as you nodded. She finally released her gorilla grip on your hand, and you cradled it in your other hand like a baby. You gave Jaala a death glare, but she only sat back with a smug look on her face. “Look, you’re gonna have to start working eventually. It’s best to just get it over with now so you can get the experience under your belt for an actual CAREER.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. I’ll grab a newspaper on the way out.” Jaala gave a satisfied nod. She put on her fur coat and grabbed her purse(Michael Kors, of course). This woman may dress like her salary, but damn did she make it work.
“I’ll call you later. Just please PLEASE at least submit your resume somewhere.” You nodded, and the click of her heels followed behind her as she exited the restaurant. You were left sitting there alone with a large Coke.
The elevator dinged, and your legs carried you down the hall, now on complete autopilot as you skimmed the classifieds. Chef for hire, veterinarian needed, hiring for a janitor? All of these were NOT what you were looking for. You hummed a random tune as you flipped through the pages, circling the few offers that seemed interesting.
Just as you were reaching your apartment, you heard loud knocking in front of you. You looked up and if you'd told yourself this day couldn't get any weirder, you owed yourself five bucks, because knocking on your door was another skeleton. A really tall skeleton holding a pot. He was almost the complete opposite of the one from earlier, as this one dressed in what seemed like a strange white and red soldier’s uniform with red boots and gloves. He was almost intimidating. You almost considered turning around and camping out in the laundry room, but the skeleton turned to look at you before you could escape.
“OH, HELLO THERE HUMAN! DO YOU LIVE IN THIS APARTMENT?” Holy shit, did this guy not know what an inside voice was? You rubbed your ears and nodded your head. He perked up, his smile growing(??????). “ME AND MY BROTHER HAVE JUST MOVED INTO THE RESIDENCE NEXT TO YOUR OWN, SO I JUST WANTED TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, ESPECIALLY SINCE MY BROTHER TOLD ME HE’D ALREADY MET YOU.”
“Oh, really now?” So he is the other part of the “we” that Sans had said. It almost seemed impossible that they could be related, but if monsters could exist at all, then anything could be possible.
“YES, HE COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING ABOUT IT, THOUGH I’M NOT SURE WHY. I TRIED TO ASK, BUT ALL HE WOULD SAY IS THAT ‘YOU MADE A REALLY GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION’.” You thinned your lips. Of course he was laughing at you now.
“ANYWAYS, I HAVE PREPARED MY FAMOUS SPAGHETTI AS A GIFT TO YOU.” He shoved the pot towards you, and you cautiously took it. You almost dropped it, it was so surprisingly heavy.
You smile nervously, but politely. “Oh, wow, thanks! You didn't have to do this for me.”
“NONSENSE! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, STRIVE TO MAKE ALL OF MY FRIENDS FEEL UTTERLY APPRECIATED! AND SEEING AS YOU ARE OUR NEW FRIEND, I MUST MAKE JUST AS GOOD A FIRST IMPRESSION AS YOU DID WITH MY BROTHER!”
Great, you would never live that down, would you? You set the pot on the ground and stuck out your hand, giving your best smile. “Well, my name is ________. It’s nice to meet you, Papyrus.”
Papyrus let out a delighted ‘squee’ and shook your hand with great veracity. You started to lose your balance, he was shaking you around so much. “I AM SO GLAD WE HAVE SUCH A NICE FRIEND LIVING NEXT TO US IN OUR FIRST HOME ON THE SURFACE!”
“Wait, your first-?” Just then, there was beeping coming from inside his apartment, and the door opened to reveal Sans.
“hey, pap, you left your spaghetti on the stove.”
Papyrus jumped and dashed into the apartment. “SANS, YOU SHOULD’VE TOLD ME EARLIER!”
You crouched down and picked up the pot of spaghetti. When you stood back up, Sans was standing in front of you, making you jump back.
“thanks for being nice to my bro back there. he really needs some positive human interaction, ‘specially with all these attacks happening. he made the spaghetti extra special just for you.” He gave you a mischievous look, but you couldn’t understand what he was getting at.
“Well, he did prepare me spaghetti, so it’s the least I can do, even though his brother has been so saucy-” You choke on your words. You groan and Sans can only howl in laughter at your unintended wordplay.
“you have got to be the funniest human i’ve ever met,” he says between laughs. You turn to the wall and lightly smack your forehead against it repeatedly.
“I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself-”
“aw, come on, you’re so good at puns, though. you could even be a comedian, if only you could see all—” You turn to glare at him.
“—the—” You shake your head and make threatening gestures at him in anger. He only grins wider.
“— pasta -bilities.” You want to cry. You actually want to curl into a ball and cry. And it seems someone else does, too, judging by the shriek coming from inside his and Papyrus’ apartment. Sans just snickered at this.
“anyways, i do hope we can be friends. If we can, i’m sure i’ll enjoy living in the ziti.”
“Nope. Stop. You stop that right now.”
“do you want me to get out of your angel hair ?”
“Yes, very much so.”
“alright, i’ll go before i invoke your fiori .”
“Just go, ya noodlehead.” You had actually wanted to say that one, so of course it didn't make him laugh as much. But he still laughed. He stepped into his doorway, gave you one last glance, and with a wink he closed the door.
And with that, you finally had peace. You unlocked your door and hauled the humongous serving of spaghetti into the kitchen. You certainly weren’t going to have to worry about food for a while, and you were excited about it.
Saliva almost dripped from your lips as you lifted the top off the pot, only to reveal a mess. It looked like spaghetti, but the longer you looked, the more it looked like someone who had never had contact with an oven before had been told to make a pasta medley. The noodles were burnt, the sauce had extremely large chunks of tomato in it, and there were pine needles and glitter thrown on top. You placed the top of the pot back on and stood in silence for a short while. You needed to contemplate for a moment.
A grumble came from your stomach. You cringed at yourself as you resentfully grabbed a plate and a fork, and plated some spaghetti. The spaghetti moved in such an unsettling way as you twirled your fork around it. You very slowly put it in your mouth, and immediately cursed your desperateness. You dashed to the sink and hacked up the chewed slop, then started scrubbing at your mouth with your fingers. You could’ve sworn you heard distant laughing, but it stopped just as you started to listen for it.
You dreamt of bad jokes and bad pasta that night.