Chapter Text
Time went by but no letter came. Izuku was sure that he’d have gotten his acceptance letter if he got in. Guess it still wasn’t enough. Having set UA as his only goal, he really didn’t know what he could do next.
What was I even thinking? Me? Going to UA haha,, yea right. I should’ve gone for Shiketsu when I had the chance. Their program wasn’t all that different either but noooo, I had to get it in my head that I would succeed. I should’ve known that the quirkless never succeed, no matter how MUCH I try I always,, I’ll always fall back to where I started.
The never-ending thoughts had taken a toll on him. It was getting better, Izuku knows that. When He was preparing for the exam he’d been in a great headspace, better than he’d been in years. He’d thought that he was getting better,,
So why?
Why
Does
It
Feels
Like
He’s
Falling
I’ve been doing so good? good? Was I? But I created things that could help heroes? That counts as doing good right,, Right? no? I didn’t get accepted. I wasn’t good enough. They probably found me too cocky. Empty words. All empty words. There are people better than me out there. People with great quirks. Better intelligence. You’re nothing, useless. Worse than the insects. But It’s okay. You already knew this didn’t you? Why did I think I could do this? Why can’t I just be normal?
This is why no one loves you? Even your only friend hates you You should leave. Leave? I could leave, I can do that. Leaving is easy. No one is going to stop me anyway. But I don’t want to leave?
I’ll be good for just a bit longer.
His chest felt heavy and his limbs felt like lead, dragging them down to the bathroom. The constant rambling in his head never ceased as he looked at his reflection. He didn’t feel like brushing his hair, even brushing his teeth seemed like a task greater than saving the world. He just,,
He just wanted peace. To not exist in the moment for even a second. Stopping the raging thoughts haunting his own mind. To shut his eyes and let all the sounds disappear.
He felt the episode coming near and did everything he could to try and prevent it.
Izuku tried writing down the things he was thankful for, but the page remained empty, He tried praising himself in the mirror, yet he could only find flaws. He cleaned his room and opened his window and it still felt empty. He went through every web article trying to find a remedy for something yet to come still he didn’t find anything he’d already tried.
So he was left spiralling.
Too tired to get up, but too mad at himself for not achieving anything to let him go to sleep.
Maybe a walk will help.
In the end Izuku only changed out of his night clothes and left the bathroom. If not only to not be stared at by others on the streets. Taking shaking breaths as he locked the front door.
The light breeze dancing through his hair did little to lift his mood. At least he had a breath of fresh air. People around him all looked carefree, talking with friend or window shopping. The thought that they had heroes to protect them locked away their fear. Never once thinking about what would happen if they didn’t get saved.
If they got abandoned by the one hero they admire.
But All Might would never abandon them. These are ‘his people’, all blessed with a wonderful quirk. They are nothing like me, someone who doesn’t contribute to society, a nobody. Hell I couldn’t even pass an entrance exam for high school.
Soon enough Izuku was in a part of town he didn’t recognize. He didn’t know for how long he walked or what way was the one to go back, but he didn’t particularly care at the moment. Standing on a bridge with a view. The water underneath basking in the sunlight, a few ducklings following their mother as the endless sounds of cars passed by.
It was nice.
Leaning on the railing he stared in the open. The voices in the back of his mind getting further away when he felt himself disassociating. The feeling of being lost was not foreign for him.
The world kept spinning, with or without the green haired boy.
“JUST GET BACK IN THE CAR BITCH!”
It was that sentence that brought him back into reality. The sun touching the horizon, reminding him that time had indeed passed. He turned around.
A girl, maybe 21 years old, was getting grabbed by the wrist by a man definitely double her age. She was screaming. “No! Let go of me!” struggling she lost her balance.
“YOU WERE THE ONE THAT ASKED FOR HELP! NOTHING IN LIFE COMES FOR FREE HONEY!” The man dragged her towards his vehicle while she was still down, scraping her knees in the process.
“NO please,, please just let me go! I can pay you if you want but please let go of me!” she pleaded. She locked eyes with Izuku. “PLEASE HELP ME!”
Great, now I’m involved. What can I even do? Where are those ‘heroes’ when you need them huh? He rolled his eyes at the thought. Stepping forward he spoke towards the older man.
“Listen, this ain’t my problem but it’s quite obvious that she” he pointed at the girl. “doesn’t want to go with you.”
“Listen kid, you know jack shit. This bitch owes me!” the man bites back. His hands still remaining on the girls wrists but at least he stopped dragging her. “So get lost.”
As if I’d do that. The boy tsked, the man glared in response. “Sorry but can’t do. So if you let go of her we can all just go home and pretend this never happened. Sounds good right?” Izuku was mostly buying time, hoping that someone that passed had the braincells to alert the police.
He really hopes so, one look at this situation and you’d know that this isn’t right. you never know, people really don’t like to go out of their way.
“Shut up! I helped this bitch so when I want to grab what I earned! This slut knew what she was doing when she asked me! She has no right to act like this!” he grabbed her hair with his free hand, forcing her to look him in the eye. “Isn’t that right sweetheart?!”
The girl only sobbed in response, clenching her eyes shut.
“See! She knows what she did!” the man laughed. “these sluts always think they can get away with their hands clean!”
Izuku needed to think. Deescalate, what can I do? Does he have weapons? I didn’t see any. But he might. Violence isn’t an option, especially if I don’t know the opponent. The man is also larger and most likely stronger than me. I’m at an disadvantage. Shit! Did someone alert the police already?
There was no one in sight. For fuck sakes. Of course just my luck,, I’ll just have to hope he doesn’t see me.
Izuku reached for his pocket, not knowing if he was typing in the correct number, he could only hope. For once,, even if it’s All Might, someone,,
The man stood before him quicker than he thought. Grabbing the teens arm and jolting it up. His phone flying out and landing on the floor. Shit!
“Calling the police aren’t we?! You’ve got some nerve!” He grabbed Izuku by the collar and pushed him back, his spine hitting the iron railing. “Fucking noisy shits like you should just mind your own goddamn business!” he rambled, shaking Izuku’s whole body as he was leaning over the railing, aiming to create some distance between him and the man.
The girl stood frozen at what was happening, in shock. Izuku could feel the annoyance build up. He turned as best as he could and shouted at the top of his lungs. “WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING? GET UP AND RUN!”
The girls scrambled and ran as fast as she could with what looked like a sprained ankle after the words hit her. People are so stupid sometimes.
Maybe it was good that Izuku never got a quirk. What kind of hero gets angry at a victim in a traumatic experience? Me. apparently. At least I don’t have to worry about her any longer.
The man realised what was going on and cursed loudly. “SHIT! YOU STUPID BITCH DON’T YOU DARE GET AWAY!” Izuku was already falling when he realised that he got pushed over the edge.
The air knocked out of him as his back made contact with the water with a violent impact.
He felt as if he could not move his arms, the pain from hitting the water never ebbed away. He didn’t know which side was up or down even if he wanted to resurface.
I hope that girl got away.
At least then this wouldn’t be for nothing. Hah, the quirkless died after playing hero, how befitting.
But this is peaceful.
It wasn’t really peaceful, the stabbing pain in his eyes and ears did nothing to distract him from his tortured lungs begging for air.
If only he could take one breath, fill his lungs with the filthy water it would be over, after that fateful breath it would get easier.
But his instincts couldn’t let him. He opened his mouth in a silent scream, he tried to breathe but his body wouldn’t listen.
Stay alive.
But I don’t want to. I’m tired.
No. you’ve got to hold on, you’ve got to stay alive. I know you’re not ready yet.
It’s okay, I’ve accepted it.
You still have to fight.
I can’t, not anymore.
You can.
His mind was foggy and keeping his eyes open became harder to do. Grey blue was the only thing filling his vision, blurred shapes of drifting trash and fish were unrecognizable. His chest was pounding. Begging, no screaming. But he couldn’t do anything about it.
Maybe I’ll sleep for a bit.
With that last thought all fight disappeared from his body. Eyes closing as he felt his lungs accept the water.
“He’s not waking up! He isn’t breathing!”
“Check his pulse!”
“No pulse, begin chest compressions and CPR!”
“Beginning chest compression!”
“It’s not working!”
“Still no pulse!”
“Don’t you dare die on me kid!”
Where am I?
“You’re alright. You’re safe.”
Mmh, I’m tired, everything hurts.
“Try and stay still, okay kid?”
What happened? Where?
Girl,,
Is she safe?
“Everything’s going to be alright, you’ve done good kid.”
His mind wandered off at the distance once again. The world returning to nothingness.
The next time he awoke he was in a semi-familiar environment. If only his brain could elaborate and name this place, Izuku could be content.
“You’re in the hospital kid.”
Hospital, that was the word I was looking for thank you kind- he looked over at where the voice came from. “Walmart mothman?”
The man in question snorted. “I still don’t know why you call me that.”
Izuku coughed, pain shooting through his chest. It made his double over, grasping at the hospital gown near his ribs.
Large hands pushed him gently back down. “woah there, you can’t do that.” After making sure Izuku laid down once again he elaborated. “you’ve been in the water for 15minutes and broke a few ribs because of the chest compressions. We lost you a few times on our way here.”
Aizawa looked at the smaller boy. “you gave us quite the scare there.”
Water? When was I- oh. I fell. I- I fell but I died? Did I? I was sure,,
The confusion must have been obvious because Aizawa started explaining. “We got an phone call at the station but when we picked up there was nobody on the other end of the line.” He placed a phone on the little wooden table besides the hospital bed. “apparently it was yours, sadly your screen busted.”
The phone’s screen was a mosaic of broken glass.
“We tried to find the location of the call and gave an order to nearby officers and heroes to check out the scene, which included me.”
Izuku tried to keep up but his mind was scrambled. The events were like a puzzle, he’s lost a few while he forced 2 pieces together that didn’t fit. I’m missing something. Why was I in the water? Why-
Girl.
There was a girl.
His voice broke, nothing much came out besides the one word. “,, girl?”
Aizawa nodded, understanding what he meant. “when I came to the scene there was no one there besides the phone on the ground. A few streets further 2 officers found a young woman being threatened by a man in an alley. We subdued the man and asked the woman for an statement while dressing her wounds.”
The hero swallowed, continuing the story. “She wasn’t in her right mind, understandable of course. She kept telling us about a boy at the bridge. A green haired teenager.” He stopped to look at Izuku, who was deep in thoughts.
Safe.
“That was when we found a red shoe floating on the water and it clicked. It must have come off when you fell. We requested rescue divers and hoped for the best. Luckily, you weren’t caught up in the current and we found you rather quickly.”
Ah, that annoying.
To think I’m only alive because of a single shoe. Why do I feel so disappointed?
Is it because I’m still here?
“When we brought you back on land you weren’t breathing and water had already found its way into your lungs. After checking your pulse and finding none we began CPR and the chest compressions which,,” he dwelled of and vaguely motioned toward Izuku. “resulted in you breaking a few ribs in the process. After 10 minutes your heart started beating on its own again.”
Hehe, so I did die. It was weird to think about. He did die but they brought him back
For what?
His head hurts.
“You kept mumbling about various things. It allowed us to know there wasn’t any severe brain damage. I’ve also called up a friend who will fix you up, that way you won’t have to stay long in that bed.” He grinned a tad. “We both know that you don’t like to be at the hospital for long.”
Izuku couldn’t find it in himself to smile. Normally he wouldn’t mind the man but he wasn’t having the best time right know.
He doesn’t really care. He’s only here for your statement.
“After my friend is here you’re going to feel tired for a bit, but if you can stay up I’d like it if you can tell us what happened on your end.”
I told you.
Now that he knows that you’re quirkless he knows he shouldn’t bother with you any longer than needed. You’re only looked at when they need something from you.
Izuku only nodded.
The kid was quiet. Too quiet.
It was nothing like the first time they were in the hospital. No panic, no anger or playful remarks. The boy,, just laid there, eyes unfocused.
Confusion was common wit near drowning victims. But this didn’t seem like simple confusion. Aizawa couldn’t put his finger on it.
Am I overthinking this? He may just be shocked.
He had all the right to be shocked after such an experience. Firstly witnessing a kidnapping, getting assaulted by a man twice his age and strength and finally, drowning and DYING. The kid died for 10 minutes, maybe even longer since they don’t know exactly when he had a cardiac arrest in the water.
5 minutes without oxygen causes severe brain trauma, only getting worse every minute that gets added. It was a wonder that the boy could function like he is doing now.
Is brain damage causing his silence? Is he unable to speak? No he did speal, although it was only a few words. Still it could be possible. I’ve got to check.
“hey kid, I’m going to need to check up on the officers standing outside alright? I’ll be right back so just relax.”
No response came but he knew that the teenager had heard him.
Now where is Chiyo?
After Walmart mothman left Izuku was once again left with his thoughts.
God must really hate for not even letting me die. Even he doesn’t want some quirkless hero wannabe. Hahaha wow,, this really says it all, doesn’t it? Even the one person that is said to ‘love everyone equally’ doesn’t want me at his doorstep.
Fantastic.
I can’t live but I can’t die either.
Izuku knows he shouldn’t have these thoughts. It’s the first thing people always say to someone depressed or suicidal. “you can’t die! People will miss you!”
Would they? Would there be someone that misses me?
My dad replaced me, I haven’t even seen my mom for the past 3 weeks, let alone spoken to her, My only friend, no, my ex-friend told me to jump off a roof and my greatest inspiration abandoned me when I needed him most,,
I don’t,, I don’t have anyone?
It was hard to believe those words when you didn’t have anyone who would cherish you.
You may not have people that cherish you but you have a goal don’t you?
And I failed before I could start. It was all a silly dream, to think someone like me would be accepted.
As if someone would look at me.
As if they would remember my name.
“Izuku Midoriya, the quirkless hero wannabe that failed at life”
What a title,,
Izuku knows what’s going on, this is another depressive episode, another wave. However he can’t help himself when his thoughts get the best of him. Everything felt too grand, too small, too full and yet too empty all at the same time.
It appeared like his body had yet to be recovered from the water. Drifting in an ocean of blues and greys, no end in sight. Just him and his thoughts.
When will he resurface?
The brain scans told them that there wasn’t severe trauma in the brain, at least none that couldn’t be fixed. Aizawa had been waiting for recovery girl to arrive at the hospital. In normal circumstances he’d never even think about calling his friend up.
There just was something about that kid, it wasn’t like him to get hung up on someone, let alone some stranger that he’d only met a total of three times. Sure, two out of the three encounters the boy almost was sent to the heavens, but that shouldn’t impact him.
He's a hero goddammit, he deals with death on a regular basis. So why?
What is this kid to him?
The only thing he was sure of is that he wanted the kid to be safe. If that meant that he’d have to ask a favour of Chiyo, so be it. She is the only one that could fix him quickly without having to worry about gigantic repercussions on Izuku’s part.
Midoriya doesn’t seem to like hospitals.
“Aizawa. May I know the reason as to why I received your call?” a short elderly woman with grey hair neatly tied into a bun walked up to him. She squinted her eyes for a bit. “you aren’t hurt, are you?”
Both heroes started walking, recovery girl following Aizawa’s lead. “no, I’ve called you here to see if you could heal this kid that got an accident earlier today.”
Chiyo raised her eyebrow, sceptical. “That’s unlike you. What happened to the boy?”
The man sighed, knowing that it would be best to tell the truth if he wanted her help. “He got pushed off a bridge. The impact with the water resulted in injury to the spinal cord but without loss of muscle function and sensation, bowel movement, etc. he had water in his lungs and had a cardiac arrest for a total of two times both lasting between 5 and 10 minutes. We had to do chest compressions, and as you know those result in bruised and broken ribs. There is also minor brain damage but nothing lasting, luckily.”
The woman stopped walking and looked up in pure horror. “I hope you’re joking. My quirk can only do so much. And you’re telling me that this is a minor?”
Aizawa closed his eyes, inhaling deeply before speaking. “I know, it’s only,, he doesn’t like hospitals so I want him to be able to return as fast as possible.” He pinched his nose. “for a 15 year old he has some rotten luck, let me tell you that.”
“It seems like you know this kid?”
“No,” He shook his head. “at least not on a personal level.”
“REINFORCEMENT REQUIRED HERE!”
Both the heroes looked up when a few male nurses jogged passed them entering a room.
Isn’t that?
Midoriya.
The womand stared at his face and deadpanned. “Let me guess, that’s your kid in that room?”
He didn’t respond to the older woman, jogging towards the room.
“LEAVE ME ALONE!”
Izuku sat cornered in the room holding up the small table as if it was a shield. Holding up was a big word. His broken ribs made it hard for him to lift things up. His pupils were blown, frantically looking around at the nurses in his room trying to approach him.
“STAY BACK!” he tried to push away a nearby nurse with one of the legs on the table but the movement made him hiss in pain, clutching his side.
“What is going on here?!”
One of the nurses turned to answer, clearly shaken up from the freak-out. “I- I didn’t do anything! It was time for him to take his painkillers. But then- but when he didn’t respond I touched his shoulder- I didn’t hurt him! I swear! But then- but then he started screaming and he fell of the bed! I tried to help but he wouldn’t let me!”
“Alright,,” he glanced over at the others and raised his voice slightly. “Everyone get out. I’ll handle it from here.” The nurses gazed at each other, seeking approval in each other’s expression. A few seconds later they left the room.
Aizawa now turned fully facing the panicked boy. Making himself look as less threatening and tall he could he slowly stepped forward. The boy only gripping the table with as much strength he could muster.
“GET AWAY! Don’t come- don’t come any closer!” There was nothing in his face that told Aizawa that the boy really was present. There was no recognition in the green eyes.
“shhhhht, It’s okay. It’s just me kid.” Another step forward. “Only me and you. And I’m not going to hurt you.” He spoke softly.
The situation made him think of when he adopted his first rescue cat. She was an beautiful grey-haired cat but had been beaten by previous owners, making her overly cautious around humans. It took him 3 days until he could be in the same room as her.
“You’re alright Izuku, there is nothing that can hurt you.” Another step. “I just want to help.” 5 steps to go. “Would you let me help?”
The boy thrusted the table toward the man, an attempt to push him further away. Nevertheless, the weight of the table proved to much for Izuku in his current state. The table fell out of his grip as he clutched at his sides in pain, cursing.
Aizawa took use of the situation and closed the distance. His hands cupping the boy’s face. “Hey- hey Izuku, I need you to calm down for me, can you do that?” the boys seemed to look straight through him. “I’m not going anywhere, you’re not alone okay?”
Placing himself besides the boy he pushed the table a bit further away with his foot. Better safe than sorry. We don’t need him injuring himself any further. He rubbed small circles on the boy’s back. “I’m right here.” The boy’s frantic movement stilled as time went by.
That’s right, calm down, just like that.
“,,why?” the teen’s voice was hoarse from screaming.
Aizawa only hummed in response.
“Why do you even care?”
Neither of them looked at each other, both staring straight at the wall. But Aizawa never stopped rubbing his back. “What do you mean by that?” a beat later. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”
The room was silent. The boy mumbling to himself before speaking more clearly. “Because I’m a screwup?”
This did make the hero look at the kid. His back hunched as he bit on his nail, still staring forward through his curly bangs.
He furrowed his brows. “who said that?”
“who doesn’t?” Izuku responded in a tiny voice.
Now Aizawa was the one being silent. Why in the world would he be a screwup?
“Hell, I even failed the entrance exam after talking big.”
The man didn’t like the tone in which the boy was talking. Self-hatred. His brain supplied. He recognizes that tone all too well, unfortunately. It was a few seconds later when I realised what the boy had said. Failed the entrance exam? There is no way-
He stopped caressing the boy’s back, holding the teen’s shoulders instead and making him turn. “now, look at me kid.” Midoriya tilted his head a tiny bit, the green irises barely visible behind his curls. “what do you mean failing?” Aizawa asked.
The boy furrowed his eyes, glaring at the older man. Aizawa didn’t know why. He was there when they selected their future students.
“Is this fun for you?” the boy’s voice was even. “Are you trying to rub it in?”
“It’s just like I said, I failed the fucking exam! There was no-“ Izuku tried to slap the man’s hand away from his shoulder, pain shooting through his body. “Fucking hell!” he gasped. “there was no fucking letter okay?” he said between taking heavy breaths. His ribs felt like they were on fire.
Aizawa tried to support the boy’s weight as he doubled over again, hoping he prevented the boy from bruising his ribs even more. “I don’t know what you’re talking about kid. I was there when we selected the students. You passed.”
I passed? But how? There was no letter? I checked every morning? I even asked the mailman if he had a letter with my name on it?
“but there- there was no letter,,” he hated how unsure and defeated he sounded. The black haired hero always caught him at his weakest. Or maybe I never was strong in the first place.
Izuku was still doubled over but the large warm hand returned to his back, drawing small circles in an effort to comfort him. He didn’t want to admit it but it felt nice.
Safe.
“I don’t know what happened at the post office, but I was there when Nedzu stamped them. You succeeded.” A low chuckle. “with flying colour may I add. Your little performance was quite memorable.”
The small giggle that left Izuku sounded childlike. “yeah? Did you like the fire bit? I practiced that for days.” his voice was still tiny but no longer void of emotion.
“definitely.” The hero agreed. “Now what do you say, you want to get your ribs fixed?”
Recovery girl entered the room after Aizawa called out for her. The boy was once again in bed, already looking exhausted. It made her feel a little bit guilty when she thought about how tired he was going to feel after she’d done her job. She briefly explained him how her quirk works and what the effects he’ll feel afterwards. The boy consented and she gave him a smooch. Soon after that the boy fell asleep.
“He’s asleep right now, but he’ll be fine. The ribs are healed nicely, but they will ache for a while.” She informed Shouta. “Let’s hope he stays out of trouble as of now.” She fixed her glasses and walked away.
Aizawa called out. “thanks.” To which the woman only nodded. “he looks like a good kid, I get why you’re attached.”
Attached? Am I? Aizawa thought about all his previous encounters with the kid. Maybe a little bit.
He went back into the hospital room where he saw the teenager sleeping soundly. Walking over to the chair he grabbed his phone and searched for the familiar contact.
To: Nedzu 9.38pm
Can you send me the list of accepted students for the support course?
To: Aizawa 9.38pm
My, my, why should I?
To: Nedzu 9.38pm
Can you send it or not?
To: Aizawa 9.39pm
Here you go.
Student files support course.pdf
Sure enough, after looking into the file Izuku’s name was the first one in line.
Student: Izuku Midoriya
Quirk: none
Notes: passed the written exam with 87%.
Student seems bright/ great attitude.
Homemade support items were practical and creative.
He’ll just have to show Midoriya this file to clear up any tiny bit of doubt the boy has left.