Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

After Shen Yuan herds Luo Binghe off to take a shower - after Luo Binghe disappears to put his hair neatly back into place and change his clothes and wash the smell of tears away - time seems to pass a bit too quickly to be real. There are things to do, and they all have to get done so quickly that there simply isn’t time to linger.

Most urgently, Shen Yuan has to call his brother to tell him not to come over, as well as to thank him for the noodles. Don’t worry, Er-ge, this silly brother of yours had just been unexpectedly unavailable last night because Luo Binghe had come back (the truth), and there wasn’t a chance to check his phone with the way he had to focus on how much groveling Luo Binghe was doing (a lie)!

“Hmph,” Shen Jiu says, acting as if he is terribly irritated and hadn’t picked up the phone on the very first ring. “I hope you made that little pest cry before marching him right to the nearest police station.”

“Well, he did cry…” Shen Yuan replies weakly, staring off blankly in the direction of the bathroom. The sound of the shower had just stopped, and Shen Yuan can hear the vague noises of Luo Binghe drying off and getting dressed. 

He wonders if Luo Binghe’s cheeks will still be flushed pink when he comes out of the shower, or if his eyes will still be rimmed with the horrid red of someone who’s been crying. He wonders if he can brush Luo Binghe’s hair for him while it’s wet, pretending to find all sorts of tangles in it to have an excuse to pull at it some more, or - or pet it too, that would be good also…

“You disgust me,” Shen Jiu says, startling Shen Yuan out of his thoughts.

“I did punish him,” Shen Yuan protests, and quickly outlines the terms of the deal for Luo Binghe to get ‘Yuan-ge’ privileges back.

Shen Jiu’s irritation quickly clears up into spiteful glee when he learns of his own role in that deal. Shen Yuan almost feels a bit bad with how clearly he can picture his Er-ge’s wicked expression - two hours at Shen Jiu’s mercy really is a long time, ah…

“Oh, good, it’s about time you gave me control over which animals you feed - I have far better taste than you,” Shen Jiu says, undoubtedly smug about being handed down as a punishment. “How many times do you think I can walk out right before his time is up before he’ll snap and do something you’ll finally send him away for?”

“Er-ge…”

Shen Jiu sniffs, tells him to throw out the noodles from last night if he won’t eat them after all, and hangs up. Typical.

And then, after calling his brother, he has to call his landlord. The door can’t stay broken after all, and as much as he’d love to make Luo Binghe fix it himself he doesn’t want to have a busted door for two weeks while Luo Binghe learns how to do that.

Then after the landlord, it’s imperative that Shen Yuan place a delivery order for some groceries. Shen Yuan wants Luo Binghe to cook him something good today, for every single meal, because Shen Yuan is going to be as bitchy as possible for as long as possible about ordering Luo Binghe around. He’s going to make that dog regret running away in the first place, ah!! 

And, uh, regret the other stuff too, of course. Obviously.

And then, of course, Luo Binghe has to actually make a meal - a late breakfast, first. He sorts through the groceries with his hair still damp, and his cheeks are still flushed pink from the heat of the shower, and - 

Ah. Shen Yuan makes himself look back down at his phone. Very important stuff to look at there, of course. 

“Make me something heavy and rich,” Shen Yuan demands, pretending to be writing some sort of very important message on his phone. “Something especially hard to make, maybe. Definitely.”

Struggle a bit. Make something so heavy it will sit in your stomach like a weight, making you feel so sluggish you won’t ever be able to run anywhere fast, Shen Yuan mentally tacks on, feeling a bit vindictive. 

Luo Binghe obeys.

But Shen Yuan hadn’t accounted for eating the meal himself, too, and so then he feels heavy and sluggish and wants a nap, and - 

And the whole day falls like dominoes just like that, one thing after the other, all so important and urgent that Shen Yuan never has to think too hard about the way the morning had first started on the floor of his apartment entrance. It feels like Shen Yuan has only had enough time to blink between then and now, even though he knows it’s been hours. 

The early afternoon sun filtering in through the window is too bright to nap deeply, unfortunately. Shen Yuan had stirred awake feeling overly hot from the sun and the weight on top of him long enough ago now that he’d gotten restless, and eventually had shuffled around until he could pull out his phone to scroll idly through.

Don’t ask why Shen Yuan doesn’t simply get up off the couch now that he’s awake and bored. Getting up from the couch just isn’t an option. 

After all, the weight pressing into him and making him feel so hot and stuffy is a sleeping Luo Binghe, who had indelicately laid himself atop Shen Yuan sometime during his nap - as if Shen Yuan were the flight risk here, ah! Shen Yuan should get up, just to watch Luo Binghe spill onto the floor and wake up like that!!

…Shen Yuan spares a moment to glance up from his phone and stare at Luo Binghe’s face. The angle is a bit weird, and his cheek is squished and his nose has been pushed to be slightly crooked from the way Luo Binghe has buried his face in Shen Yuan’s chest, but Shen Yuan can still make out the tired bruises under Luo Binghe’s eyes from a sleepless night. 

How truly disrespectful to the common folk, letting such a pretty face get marred with something preventable like that, ah…

No, getting up from the couch is not an option. Shen Yuan can only submit himself to playing with his phone, alternating between trying to be productive and blowing off steam by leaving particularly vicious comments on whatever bullshit webnovel is at the top of the promoted page.

He has a lot of steam to blow off, today.

During one of Shen Yuan’s more productive spurts, Luo Binghe stirs awake. Shen Yuan can feel the way his breathing changes and the way his muscles flex just slightly, and he’s mentally prepared for Luo Binghe’s awakening long before Luo Binghe himself announces it. 

Well, not that Luo Binghe ‘announces’ it in any normal sort of way, either, but he shimmies himself around with purpose until he’s got his arms positioned in a weird approximation of a hug. 

“You’re holding on too tight,” Shen Yuan grunts, not looking up from his phone. He can feel the pressure from each of Luo Binghe’s fingers grabbing tightly around his waist. “If you don’t ease up, you’ll leave bruises.”

Luo Binghe doesn’t say anything, but his grip gets even tighter, pressing so hard into Shen Yuan that it only barely doesn’t hurt. Shen Yuan sighs.

“There’s something very wrong with you,” he says, but he doesn’t do anything but lay there and let Luo Binghe press his fingers into him.

“Mm,” Luo Binghe says, muffled by the way he’s turned his face to be more completely buried in Shen Yuan’s shirt.

“I can’t make a very good pillow,” Shen Yuan grouses. “If you wanted to take a nap too, you could’ve gone back to your own bed.”

“You’re skin and bones,” Luo Binghe agrees. “Eat more of my food and become a better pillow, if you’re worried about it.”

Shen Yuan rolls his eyes, deciding to just move on. “Well, let up for just long enough to pay attention, then: I was trying to find you a decent job while I was lying here, being crushed by your stupidly heavy body.”

“I’m not a very good pillow either,” Luo Binghe sighs in agreement. “Too much muscle.”

“Why is it that when you finally agree with me that you aren’t the world’s most perfect man, it’s for something like this?”  

Luo Binghe turns his head to glare up at Shen Yuan. “Muscle is very desirable and perfect. Plenty of people think so.”

“Not the people who’d rather be trapped under a nice plush pillow than a couple hundred pounds of muscle,” Shen Yuan complains.

Luo Binghe shifts so that somehow even more of his weight is pressing Shen Yuan into the couch. Shen Yuan gives up. 

…It isn’t so bad, anyway. 

“I was trying to find you a job while you were sleeping,” Shen Yuan says again. “Of jobs that are hiring near us, I think you have a couple options.”

Luo Binghe makes a face and turns his head back into Shen Yuan’s chest. His nose digs uncomfortably into him, and Shen Yuan spares a hand to pat gently at Luo Binghe’s head until he can be coaxed into a better position. 

“First up,” Shen Yuan says. “You could probably be a referee for some sort of sport. You’d have to start as a volunteer for a youth club or whatever first, but eventually, you could be in a position where you tell people they fucked up and also get to learn about sports and exercise and activity or whatever sports guys are into.”

“Vetoed,” Luo Binghe says bluntly. “Next.”

“Ah? I know it might be a bit difficult for someone like you to actually get the position, but I really do think you’d enjoy this one best. You can boss people around a bit -”

“I thought muscles weren’t desirable,” Luo Binghe grumbles, absolutely spiteful. “What do you need to go to all those sports games and look at all those muscled guys for?”

“I - what - I wouldn’t be going to - this is your job -!”

Luo Binghe growls a bit. “Vetoed.”

“Fine, fine, whatever!” Shen Yuan huffs, turning his attention back to his phone to pull up the homepage for the next job option. “Another option you might have is a maid cafe - some people like the tsundere asshole type, so you could make it your brand.”

Shen Yuan tugs absently on Luo Binghe’s hair as he talks, turning his phone to show Luo Binghe a picture. Luo Binghe begrudgingly lifts his head up at Shen Yuan’s tugging to glare at the phone, but his glare goes away once he sees the photo Shen Yuan pulled up.

“Hm,” he hums consideringly, eyes narrowed at the overly happy people dressed in service outfits and holding various cutesy foods. “This one isn’t bad.”

“Of course it isn’t, I worked very hard to find jobs that might tolerate you, you know -”

“Would the cafe have private bathrooms that lock nicely?” Luo Binghe interrupts. “Preferably with good sound proofing.”

Shen Yuan stares down at him. Slowly, he turns the phone back around to himself, looking at the picture. He’d just pulled up the first one, but - ah, it really is all girls in short dresses there, does Luo Binghe think he wants -

“No! No, no, look -” Shen Yuan frantically pulls up a picture that features a man in it too, dressed in a far more reasonable butler’s outfit with absolutely no thigh on display. “You’d be dressed up like this, no - no anything you’re thinking of!!”

“Oh,” Luo Binghe says, sounding a bit disappointed. 

Shen Yuan cannot even think about what that disappointment means - it took all his face just to make the connection between private, soundproof bathroom stalls and what could be done in them to someone wearing a short frilly dress, ah!!

“Okay, okay, I changed my mind, not this job after all!” Shen Yuan says, closing out of the page for the maid cafe.

“That’s alright, Yuan-ge can buy me the outfit separately -”

“No ‘Yuan-ge’ right now!!” Shen Yuan yells, only a little bit hysterically.

Luo Binghe huffs but settles back down onto Shen Yuan’s chest. Shen Yuan takes several deep breaths to recenter himself so he can continue as if everything is very normal. Luo Binghe’s grip on him eases and tightens with every breath, flexing around the motion of Shen Yuan’s chest.

“There’s really only one other option that would suit your personality at all,” Shen Yuan finally says. “Only one place where all the customers will be so poor at social interaction that they won’t be expecting perfect customer service from you, and where the establishment is shady enough they’ll hire anyone willing to put up with it. No outfits, no - um, no men in this sort of place who might make you feel like your masculinity is being threatened by letting other people look at their muscles.”

“I’ve never been threatened by another man,” Luo Binghe protests, and Shen Yuan cuffs him over the head.

“I threaten you all the time, shut up.”

“But if it can’t be the one with the dress-up play, and it has no other attractive men for you to be looking at,” Luo Binghe says, “I’ll tolerate it.”

“You’re like if someone learned how to talk by reading exclusively trashy romance novels with toxic male leads,” Shen Yuan grumbles. “But fine - internet cafe staff it is.”

---

The exhausted looking college kid behind the counter of the internet cafe raises a brow when Luo Binghe comes in with Shen Yuan at his side - really, Shen Yuan feels a bit like a parent sending their kid off to school! - but he doesn’t say anything other than the customary run down of what Luo Binghe will be expected to do and how. 

Likely, he’s thinking something along the lines of, ‘who cares if it’s two of them doing the work, only one will get paid!’ as Shen Yuan dutifully follows along, taking note of the limited menu the cafe offers and the system to take customer orders. 

Unfortunately for both the other employee and Luo Binghe, Shen Yuan is only paying such close attention so he knows what to scold Luo Binghe for later.

“You’re supposed to take my money before handing me the punch card,” Shen Yuan chides, pushing the card back across the counter at Luo Binghe.

“It’s the same either way, so just -”

“What if I ran off with the punch card?”

“You’d be in the same building,” Luo Binghe snaps, “I’d catch you and steal double the amount owed.”

“Wrong!” Shen Yuan scolds, reaching across the counter to whack Luo Binghe’s arm. “What happened to customer service? Theft is still theft even if part of it is owed!!”

Luo Binghe bares his teeth at Shen Yuan, pushing the card back across the counter. Shen Yuan pushes it right back.

“How about I handle up front,” the tired, greasy looking employee who had trained Luo Binghe says, having been standing to the side watching this exchange in mild mortification. “And Luo Binghe… you said you can cook, right?”

So Luo Binghe gets shuffled into the kitchen of the cafe, still required to be servicing the customers but from a far less visible location. 

Er, it would be less visible, if Luo Binghe didn’t keep wandering out of the kitchen to the computer Shen Yuan had gotten set up at.

“I am going to throw this out,” Luo Binghe says through gritted teeth, holding up a bag of frozen… meat, of some sort, though Shen Yuan can’t quite tell which sort it’s meant to be. 

“Has it gone bad?” Shen Yuan asks, glancing up from the game he’d been playing. This is an online game, Binghe, there’s no pause option to inspect your mystery meat!!

“I am positive it has never been good,” Luo Binghe says. “I am going to throw it out.”

Shen Yuan snorts. “You’re very bad at asking permission for things.”

“Why would I ask for permission?” Luo Binghe scoffs. “I can do what I want.”

“Don’t throw any food out without confirming with your manager first,” Shen Yuan warns. 

“...Is that not what I am doing,” Luo Binghe deadpans. Shen Yuan can’t quite stop himself from laughing at Luo Binghe, but he does shoo him back off to the kitchens and gives him a half-hearted warning to stay there.

Then Shen Yuan turns back to his game, successfully gets through an entire match without being interrupted, and immediately shuts the game off and gets up to go over to the kitchens. 

Not hearing from Luo Binghe for that extended amount of time is actually way more concerning than the frequent visits out of the kitchen, actually! That awful man is just like a toddler: the less you hear from him, the more certain it is that he’s up to no good!!

Predictably, Shen Yuan finds Luo Binghe in an argument with a customer who had gone up to the kitchen wondering why his crappy instant meal was taking non-instant amounts of time to be made. 

“This place isn’t clean,” Luo Binghe is saying, expression contorted in disgust. “Nothing will be made until it is fixed.”

“How much fucking work does it take to wipe down a microwave?” The customer scoffs. 

Luo Binghe all but hisses like an offended cat. 

“The floors are sticky. The counters are stained. The stove has only a single working burner. The microwave is cursed to only produce slop good enough for the likes of your type, but I won’t be serving you before him,” Luo Binghe says, nodding in Shen Yuan’s direction as he approaches.

Ah, that’s right. Shen Yuan had forgotten he’d ordered anything to begin with. He’d only done it to bother Luo Binghe a bit, after all - the food in this sort of place is never good.

“Ah? Are the sticky floors keeping your feet glued to the ground so you can’t walk the two steps needed to get to the mop?” The customer says, slapping a hand down onto the counter between him and Luo Binghe. “Lazy ass, fix the problem if there is one, that’s your job!”

Luo Binghe sniffs, turning his head away. “Your insults are boring,” he says. 

“Binghe!” Shen Yuan scolds, finally managing to break out of the daze of watching them both in horror to actually say something.

Unfortunately, both of them ignore him.

“What, like calling my food ‘slop’ is that much more interesting? Fuck right off, pretty boy.”

“What insult? Wasn’t I just speaking the truth? If I were to insult you, wouldn’t it be enough to just congratulate you on your position as the face of contraception everywhere?” Luo Binghe sneers. “Although that might hit too close to home for someone like you, unpleasant and dull enough that the only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.”

The man’s face goes a bit purple. Shen Yuan slaps a hand over his mouth so he can't be caught grinning. What the fuck, Luo Binghe!!

“Binghe,” Shen Yuan scolds again, after he’s managed to compose himself. The other guy is still gaping like a fish. “What did I tell you about customer service, ah!! I said people would tolerate a lot at a place like this, but not - not that much!”

“I didn’t start it,” Luo Binghe protests. “I’m perfectly capable of ignoring this sort of nuisance if they don’t demand anything of me in return.”

“It’s your job to have things demanded of you,” Shen Yuan explains, exasperated. 

“I want a different job,” Luo Binghe complains. “Can’t I just go back to being your -”

“No!!” Shen Yuan yelps, waving his hands a bit frantically. “And - and don’t mention that sort of thing so casually!”

Luo Binghe’s brow furrows. “I mentioned it casually with no issue before.”

“It’s different,” Shen Yuan hisses. 

We’re in public, ah, leave me some face! I don’t need everyone knowing I have such poor taste in the products I sample!!

“I don’t care if you quit right after, but at least just give me my food, ah…” The scorned customer says, with far less heat in his voice than he’d had previously. 

Luo Binghe turns back to glare at him. “Ask again and I’ll spit in your food if I do make it,” he snaps.

“Don’t spit in other peoples’ food!” Shen Yuan cries.

“Oh,” Luo Binghe says, turning to look at Shen Yuan curiously and suddenly using a very different tone of voice. “Do you want me to spit in yours?”

“Absolutely fucking not! What the fuck!! Luo Binghe!!!”

“Please…” The other guy says weakly, and honestly, what is he even still doing here?! “Please, my food…”

---

Luo Binghe is fired from the internet cafe.

---

Shen Yuan manages to just barely hold in the desire to rant at Luo Binghe on the way home, wary of provoking Luo Binghe into doing weird things in public like bite or growl or whatever. 

(He did hand Luo Binghe a whole pile of Bad Boy stars as they left the internet cafe, but he’s beginning to suspect the bad ones have far less of an effect on Luo Binghe than the good ones do… Maybe Shen Yuan needs to find an evil equivalent of the head pats Luo Binghe enjoys alongside the good stars?)

“I don’t understand why you had to be so resistant to just doing a bit of work, ah!” Shen Yuan complains as soon as they’re home. “You agreed to take the job!!”

“Under duress,” Luo Binghe grumbles, brushing past Shen Yuan to drop himself heavily onto the couch and pull Shen Yuan’s laptop onto his lap from the coffee table. “I never wanted a job to begin with - I had a job, for many years, and built up plenty of riches that I took with me into this stupid world -”

Shen Yuan snorts, watching Luo Binghe type angrily on the laptop as he complains. 

“What duress, hm? Hadn’t you agreed to do everything I told you to?” He asks. 

Admittedly, Shen Yuan had known exactly what sort of nasty experience someone as unpleasant as Luo Binghe would have in any sort of customer service position, even if Shen Yuan did try to find job types that would mitigate that a small amount. It was supposed to be something of a punishment, after all.

“Ask me to do something different,” Luo Binghe sulks, still typing away. “Nothing like that.”

“You’ll have people asking you to do stuff for them in any job, you know.”

“No cooking,” Luo Binghe clarifies, glaring down at the laptop screen. 

Shen Yuan blinks, surprised. “I thought you liked cooking?”

“I do,” Luo Binghe says through gritted teeth. “Which is why you cannot ever make me do that again. That was -”

Luo Binghe breaks off, slamming his hands down onto the laptop several times in succession. Then he pauses, sighs heavily, and backspaces rapidly to get rid of the resulting keyboard smash.

“Food is important,” Luo Binghe stresses. “It should not be - I will not ‘cook’ like that.”

“Oh,” Shen Yuan says, a bit taken aback by how distressed Luo Binghe seems. 

Well, alright, he mostly seems irritated and like he’d bite any object that Shen Yuan brought halfway near his mouth right now, but - still!

With how easily Luo Binghe makes himself at home in Shen Yuan’s apartment, Shen Yuan forgets sometimes that he’d originally picked Luo Binghe off the streets. If Luo Binghe’s skill and interest in cooking came from a history of food insecurity shaping his values… 

Shen Yuan shifts a bit, vaguely uncomfortable. He certainly hasn't ever had to struggle with anything like that in the past, so he doesn’t know how likely or unlikely it is for Luo Binghe’s high standards for food to come from a tragic backstory or whatever. Maybe Luo Binghe is just a dick who doesn’t like to cook for strangers, or a spoiled brat who doesn’t like to use subpar tools when he’s gotten used to Shen Yuan’s kitchen.

It doesn’t seem unlikely for a past with food insecurity to make someone become highly invested in cooking, though. Something like, ‘if you’re in a position to provide others with meals, it should be good food,’ or whatever.

Shen Yuan sighs, moving to join Luo Binghe on the couch. He can let this one go for now, he supposes. There’s plenty of punishment worthy service jobs that don’t handle cheap food in questionable settings. House cleaning or working at a call center or something, maybe.

“What are you working on so furiously?” Shen Yuan asks, letting the topic drop and leaning into Luo Binghe’s side to watch him type. 

Shen Yuan had half-expected to see Luo Binghe leaving a bad review for the internet cafe they’d come from, but he doesn’t seem to have an internet browser up at all, actually. Instead, he’s in a text editing application, and it almost looks like -

“A resume?” Shen Yuan confirms, curious. “So you know how to do this sort of thing after all, hm?”

“There are templates on the internet,” Luo Binghe says, using that same smug sort of voice he always uses when talking about learning or finding very basic things online. Weirdo. 

Shen Yuan hums, watching silently for a moment as Luo Binghe types. He’s working on listing out his experiences now: ‘Married several hundred times. No divorces. Only three runaways and one casualty of the harem.’  

…Shen Yuan spares a very, very judgemental look Luo Binghe’s way. 

“What sort of job will this be good for?” He asks dryly. “Something at a local theater? Getting back into acting after all?”

“I’ll do anything Yuan-ge asks of me,” Luo Binghe says, not even flinching when Shen Yuan elbows him for the unauthorized ‘Ge’ usage. “Except for any career even remotely related to what Shen Jiu does.”

Shen Yuan opens his mouth to make some sort of snarky response - something like, ‘what, after you already made a career of being my fake boyfriend so you could chase after Shen Jiu?’ - but closes it in the next moment. He doesn’t want to touch that sore spot with a ten foot pole, actually! Let him have a solid week of peace first, please!!

“Alright, then what?” Shen Yuan asks instead.

“I’m applying to be your real boyfriend,” Luo Binghe grumbles. “I’ll be sure to outline the job position’s expectations, too, so there won’t be any misunderstandings this time.”

Shen Yuan elbows him again.

“I’m not hiring,” he says blandly. “Give it up, Binghe.”

Luo Binghe does not give up. His expression only grows a bit more mullish as he continues his too-forceful typing.

“I’ll take ‘husband,’ too, if it’s the title that is the issue,” he says, glaring furiously at the laptop.

Shen Yuan rears back, smacking at Luo Binghe’s shoulder. “Don’t joke,” he hisses, feeling his cheeks heat for no reason. 

Luo Binghe spares a moment to move his glare to Shen Yuan himself before looking back at the laptop and continuing typing. ‘Expected salary: reasonable combination of compliments and dignified physical-based praise centered around the head.’

Shen Yuan snickers, leaning back into Luo Binghe’s side to get a better look. 

“That’s a pretty convoluted way of saying ‘praise me and pet my head,’ don’t you think?” He asks, amused. “Are you sure you aren’t applying for the position of my dog?”

Luo Binghe doesn’t reply, but he types with especially intense focus: ‘Expected bonuses: dual cultivation.’

Shen Yuan coughs, feeling his cheeks heat again, and shifts his head so his chin is digging painfully into Luo Binghe’s shoulder as petty revenge. 

“You’re wasting your time,” Shen Yuan grumbles, having significantly less fun when he’s the one getting embarrassed. “The whole point of this punishment was for you to have a real job. Be forced to listen to someone else's orders besides mine, and be forced to interact semi-politely to a bunch of strangers, and all that.”

“Yuan-ge doesn’t have a real job,” Luo Binghe points out bitterly.

“...”

Shen Yuan graciously allows Luo Binghe to get away with calling him ‘Ge’ just this once, and not because he’s mentally flailing around a bit thinking, ah shit, he caught me!!

“Ahem,” Shen Yuan says after a beat. “I - well. Ahem. I was having fun putting you to work?” He tries.

Luo Binghe points at the laptop screen. “Yes,” he agrees. “Putting me to work.”

Then he goes back to his resume, revising the ‘Expected Salary’ section to also mention a ‘standard amount of kisses.’ Shen Yuan sighs. 

Why does it feel a bit like Luo Binghe is some sort of career wife, ah?! And he’s so bad at it, too!!

Actually… Shen Yuan rereads Luo Binghe’s expected salary and bonuses. For a position very similar to ‘fake’ boyfriend, the transactions there certainly aren’t anything that Luo Binghe had been practicing with Shen Yuan, these past few months. 

…Is it possible that Luo Binghe is so awful at this because he’s out of practice?

Once, when Shen Yuan had first taken up reading about puppy training in an attempt to tame this wild dog of his, he’d read that puppies who don’t receive proper socialization and play with others can end up keeping their habits of biting and teething on others as a fully mature dog. 

Luo Binghe bites quite a bit. 

Shen Yuan has also thought not infrequently that he almost acts a bit touch-starved, the way he calms down so quickly when Shen Yuan gets his hands in his hair. 

Is it possible… Luo Binghe was renting himself out to begin with because it was a good way to get both money and physical affection, rather than it just being the only job he could possibly think of?

No no no, that would be stupid, with a face like that there wouldn’t be any need to get physical affection from fake boyfriends, ah! And - and if Luo Binghe had explicitly been looking for those sorts of sweet touches, it would mean Shen Yuan had practically been denying him those for months now, which would be cruel, and Shen Yuan isn’t that mean!!

Shen Yuan hesitates. Luo Binghe… really had been gripping him especially tightly, that afternoon they’d napped on the couch together. Maybe that hadn’t all been Luo Binghe’s red-flag weirdness, and instead a more pitiful sort of weirdness?

No, Shen Yuan refuses to believe it. There’s no way this pretty boy has been that desperate for a kind touch, Shen Yuan won’t be the villain here!!

Beside him, Luo Binghe revises his expected salary once more: ‘kisses are to be delivered primarily to the mouth, but face and hand kisses are acceptable as smaller payments.’

Shen Yuan stares. Hand kisses?? Those - those were far too sweet of a gesture for Luo Binghe’s perverted inclinations! Isn’t that really a sign that Shen Yuan really has been neglecting this dog of his after all?!

Shen Yuan takes a deep breath, steeling himself. Alright, alright - Luo Binghe will still receive his punishment, obviously, but clearly he won’t be able to focus on a real job until he can rest assured that his basic necessities will be provided for in avenues outside of fake boyfriend salaries. 

It isn’t even gay, really, or letting Luo Binghe get away with anything! It’s just basic caretaking!!

“Binghe, look at me for a moment,” Shen Yuan says gravely.

Luo Binghe turns to look at him, still glaring. Shen Yuan reaches up to take his face in both hands, squishing his cheeks together so his lips pucker up foolishly.

“This isn’t an acceptance of your application,” Shen Yuan warns. “This is just motivation for you to work properly. You won’t be able to convince me to do this again even if you beg like this again.”

Luo Binghe stares blankly at him. Shen Yuan can read very clearly on his face: What begging?

The begging you are clearly doing right now, twisting my arm into doing this against my will, ah! Shen Yuan mentally complains. A bit flustered, he uses his grip on Luo Binghe’s face to make him nod as if in agreement. Luo Binghe looks as if he’s considering chewing on Shen Yuan’s hands to get him to stop.

“Good,” Shen Yuan says, satisfied with this sort of ‘agreement’ from Luo Binghe. 

Then, he leans up to press an awkward kiss to Luo Binghe’s forehead.

…Shen Yuan is a bit confused. Isn’t that whole ‘feeling sparks when you kiss someone’ reserved for actual, romantic, on-the-mouth kisses? Why do Shen Yuan’s lips feel like they’ve been electrocuted??

Luo Binghe shifts under Shen Yuan’s hands, and Shen Yuan quickly pulls back with a scowl, dropping his hands from Luo Binghe’s face as he feels his own cheeks heat. His mouth really does feel a bit tingly, like he pressed it up against a live electrical outlet, and Shen Yuan can’t help but bring a hand up to hover over his own mouth. How odd…

“Now say thank you,” Shen Yuan says sternly, skirting away from meeting Luo Binghe’s eyes so he doesn’t have to see how wide they are, and -

Shen Yuan pauses. In avoiding meeting Luo Binghe’s eyes directly, he’d glanced up a bit to Luo Binghe’s forehead, unconsciously looking back to where he’d kissed. 

Luo Binghe’s tattooed and very fake demonic huadian is glowing. 

“What the fuck,” Shen Yuan says, suddenly very concerned that the ‘sparks’ he felt might actually have been literal. “What the fuck is - Binghe, you’re, uh, glowing.”

Luo Binghe blinks. He absently brings a hand up to brush over his demonic huadian, his face going slack with surprise. 

Then his eyes sharpen on Shen Yuan, and Shen Yuan - uh, Shen Yuan had really thought Luo Binghe hadn’t been wearing those red colored contacts today! 

“You fixed it,” Luo Binghe breathes, dropping his hand from his forehead. “With just - just that?”

“...Did you have, like, a broken LED installed under your skin up there? Is that what kids these days do with tattoos?” Shen Yuan asks, a bit wary. 

Luo Binghe snorts, and raises a hand up to Shen Yuan, palm up. Shen Yuan must have blinked, though, because he somehow missed Luo Binghe pulling out matches or a lighter or something, and now Luo Binghe’s hand is on fire -!

“You fixed it,” Luo Binghe repeats, and when Shen Yuan manages to wrench his gaze away from the fucked up and very not-real black fire in Luo Binghe’s hand, he’s a bit taken aback by how positively thrilled Luo Binghe looks. 

“No,” Shen Yuan says, a bit dazed. “I think something is actually very, very wrong here…”

“Thank you,” Luo Binghe says earnestly, and Shen Yuan blinks at him, having totally forgotten he’d requested that Luo Binghe say thanks to begin with. 

“No, no,” Shen Yuan says again, his voice pitching higher. He is - uh, he’s feeling just a little hysterical, here! “No, don’t thank me, I think you need to go to the hospital? Maybe we both do?? Is there a gas leak in the apartment?!”

Luo Binghe doesn’t seem to pay attention to Shen Yuan’s words, though, somehow extinguishing the fire in his hand before quickly pushing the laptop away and setting it on the coffee table in front of the couch. 

“Wait here,” he says, getting up and taking off in the direction of Shen Yuan’s bedroom. His feet skid a bit on the floor with how eagerly he’s bolting through the apartment. 

That’s kind of cute, Shen Yuan thinks, and then follows that up with, oh fuck we definitely have gas poisoning if I’m having those sorts of thoughts about Luo Binghe, ah!

Luo Binghe comes back quickly with his cosplay robes in his arms, practically jumping back onto the couch with Shen Yuan. There’s some shifting around as he turns the robes so he can reach into one of the sleeves, and then -

And then Shen Yuan has a pile of gold and gemstones on his lap. What the fuck. There’s a crown poking into his leg and a string of diamonds glowing faintly in Luo Binghe’s hands in a way that rocks are definitely not supposed to be glowing. What the fuck.

“No need for a job after all,” Luo Binghe says gleefully, still pulling out treasures from the sleeves of his robes. “You really - you really fixed it!”

Shen Yuan watches in stunned silence. Luo Binghe’s demonic huadian is still glowing and his eyes are still red and - were his ears always that pointed? And - and when did he have time to paint his nails and file them down into sharp little points and -

“What the fuck,” Shen Yuan breathes. 

“I can buy myself whatever Yuan-ge wants me to have, with this,” Luo Binghe explains. “And now you can’t pretend you don’t know I’ve had a job, and we can put that filthy experience behind us both. Here -”

Luo Binghe lifts a simple silver bracelet from the pile and takes one of Shen Yuan’s hands, carefully slipping the jewelry onto him. Once on Shen Yuan’s wrist, it seems to shrink just slightly - not so tight that it presses into Shen Yuan’s skin, but not so loose that it could slip off his hand again, either - and a small thread of blood red shimmers into existence around the center of it.

“Now I’ve hired you to be my boyfriend,” Luo Binghe says, sounding especially pleased with himself. 

Shen Yuan stares down at the bracelet. It is a very good replica of the Lover’s Blood Circlet from PIDW, which the character Luo Binghe had made in order to distinguish one consort to be higher than all others. Of course, before Luo Binghe could do anything with it, the commenters had gotten into a violent war about which wife was worthy of such a position, and Airplane had resolved the situation by never having Luo Binghe give the damn thing away to begin with. 

Yes, it’s a very good replica…

Shen Yuan looks back up at Luo Binghe in horror. 

“You lied to me about your tragic backstory?!” He cries, voice shrill. 

Luo Binghe - the real, actual, demonic Luo Binghe - blinks at him. 

“If there are any discrepancies in the biography of my life, how could they be my fault?” He asks, perfectly calm. Then he turns his nose up and adds: “Blame that seer who wrote it - the one from the airplane in the sky.”

“I thought you came from the streets!!” Shen Yuan shrieks, deciding to ignore any implication that such a hack author could be anything cool like a seer, if only for his own sanity. “I thought you were some sort of sad wet dog who didn’t know real affection!!” 

Luo Binghe stares at him. Shen Yuan stares back, every muscle tense, frozen in a panicked fight-or-flight impulse where Shen Yuan is torn between whacking at Luo Binghe for deceiving him or running for his life after making the Luo Binghe work a shitty customer service job.

…Slowly, several neurons finally make a connection in Shen Yuan’s mind.

“Wait,” he says, thinking over what he’d just said about ‘time on the streets’ and ‘no real love’ and everything about Luo Binghe. “Wait, wait - your tragic backstory is worse than I thought?! What!! What the fuck!! How dare you -!”

“...What exactly did I do this time?” Luo Binghe asks, sounding a bit exasperated. “If Yuan-ge doesn’t like this bracelet, I can give him a different one -”

“You’re Luo Binghe!!” Shen Yuan cries. His voice cracks embarrassingly on Luo Binghe’s name.

Luo Binghe stares at him some more. “...Yes,” he agrees. “I told you that.”

“I - how was I supposed to know you were the real one!! What the fuck!!!”

“I told you,” Luo Binghe says again, scowling a bit.

“You saw my bedroom!! I ate your food!!” Shen Yuan brings his hands up to clutch his face, more and more horrified with every passing moment. “I - I pat your head!!”

Luo Binghe’s expression turns wary. “Don’t think foolish things. I deserve those.”

Shen Yuan pauses in his panicking to think, what the fuck, Luo Binghe just got defensive about me possibly taking away headpats from him, what the fuck.

…Should Shen Yuan take away headpats from him?? That’s Luo Binghe!!

Shen Yuan thinks about the Luo Binghe from the webnovel he’d read, the one with an even more devastatingly tragic backstory than the one that this Luo Binghe had tricked Shen Yuan into thinking he had. That Luo Binghe…

“Of course you deserve them,” Shen Yuan snaps, suddenly a bit irritated with himself. 

That’s Luo Binghe, he thinks again, but this time he remembers how terribly Airplane had treated this genuinely interesting character. Of everything Shen Yuan has done to this rabid dog, headpats were the most reasonable, actually!!

“Good,” Luo Binghe says, and then: “Did you… not think I was Luo Binghe? This whole time?”

“Of course not!!” Shen Yuan cries, back to panicking. “Luo Binghe is from a webnovel!!”

“I told you,” Luo Binghe says again, sounding a bit miffed. 

“I thought you were just pretending!!”

“You would have let an imposter date you?” Luo Binghe asks, offended.

“No! Well, I -” Shen Yuan flounders for words. “It wasn’t real dating!!”

Luo Binghe bares his teeth at him. Oh, Shen Yuan thinks, a bit dazed, he does that because of actual demonic instinct. That’s actually kind of -

Shen Yuan slaps his own cheeks harshly. He will absolutely fucking not be tricked into thinking Luo Binghe’s weird mean habits are anything remotely close to ‘cute,’ thank you very much!!

Even if this is the real Luo Binghe, it’s also still the asshole who’s been living with Shen Yuan this whole time!!

“...Oh,” Shen Yuan says, processing that thought. Suddenly he feels far less panicked.

This is still the Luo Binghe that Shen Yuan has been living with for months now. He’s still baring his teeth at Shen Yuan and asking for headpats and being rude whenever possible. This Luo Binghe isn’t anything to panic about after all - even if Shen Yuan had forced Luo Binghe into a shitty costumer service job, even if he’d made Luo Binghe cook for him and repair anime figures for him - he’d done all those things to Luo Binghe because Luo Binghe had let him.

After all, even if Luo Binghe is more dangerous with full access to all his demonic and cultivation abilities, he still could’ve done as he pleased to Shen Yuan with kitchen knives or whatever. 

If Luo Binghe let Shen Yuan boss him around before, he’ll let Shen Yuan boss him around now, too! 

Who cares if this is the real Luo Binghe! Who cares if he’s actually demonic and has magic cultivation powers and tools! He’s still Shen Yuan’s Luo Binghe, too - the Luo Binghe that Shen Yuan has been carefully training to be a good boy!!

“Okay, I’m over it now,” Shen Yuan says, nodding to himself.

He is not, in fact, over it, but he’s reached a state of acceptance knowing that he can have the rest of this breakdown in the bath later. Now that he’s no longer worried about the fact that his Luo Binghe is actually a demonic emperor with a lifetime of murder on his hands - after all, he doesn’t seem likely to murder now if Shen Yuan scolds him for it - he’s mostly left with just the panic about his fundamental understanding of the universe and multidimensionality being broken. Existential panic is normal anyway, and can safely be repressed until bathtime.

“I’m not over it,” Luo Binghe protests. “You - you fixed it with just that, but you - you really didn’t even know?”

“I didn’t,” Shen Yuan says. “I mean, who would? You couldn’t prove it, and cosplay is like, a thing.”

Luo Binghe searches his face, his expression turning almost helpless.

“You really didn’t know,” Luo Binghe repeats, voice quiet. “None of it - you really didn’t know about any of it, you really -”

Shen Yuan watches him, as emotionally helpless as he’d been when he’d been crying in Shen Yuan’s lap about Shen Jiu being Shen Yuan’s brother, and comes to an unfortunate understanding.

“You thought my brother was Shen Qingqiu?!” He asks, baffled more than he is alarmed. “I mean - sure, he’s kind of an ass, but he isn’t - he doesn’t abuse kids!”

Luo Binghe swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing, his mouth thinning. Shen Yuan stares back at him, mouth agape.

Shen Yuan has a lot of things that he has to say about this, he thinks. He has to make sure that Luo Binghe absolutely does not associate Shen Jiu with the man he human-sticked in his home world, no matter what sort of inter-dimensional similarities Luo Binghe may have recognized in Shen Jiu. He has to figure out what those inter-dimensional similarities might be, too, and decide if there’s anything Shen Yuan should do to disprove them, or whatever. 

He should probably also make it clear to Luo Binghe that he wouldn’t have tried even a little bit to help hook Luo Binghe up with his old Shizun if he knew his old Shizun was actually a villain and not just an actor. Actually, he should probably figure out why the hell Luo Binghe had been looking to romance that villain to begin with, and - and fuck, is that the sort of thing you send someone to therapy for?? Does Luo Binghe need therapy???

First, though, Shen Yuan really, really needs to say this:

“Binghe, you know I wouldn’t have said you have to get along with my brother if I knew you thought he was someone who abused you, right? And - I mean Shen Qingqiu tried to kill you outright, actually, and -” 

Shen Yuan pauses, licking his lips. He doesn’t really have a good way of saying this, honestly, but if he doesn’t say something now he’ll be awake all night worrying about it. 

“Are you… alright living with me, actually? I mean - I can make sure that Er-ge never comes by unannounced, and -”

Luo Binghe shudders, a full body, shaky movement, and then all at once lunges forward to wrap himself around Shen Yuan. It’s an incredibly awkward position, Shen Yuan’s lap occupied with gold and jewelry and magical artifacts and not really having room for a large demonic lapdog. Still, Shen Yuan does his best to gather Luo Binghe up in his arms.

“It’s fine,” Luo Binghe says, his words muffled into Shen Yuan’s shoulder. “It’s - you really, really didn’t know, about any of it, and you still -”

Luo Binghe falls silent, shuddering again. 

“...Is it something bad?” Shen Yuan asks. 

“No,” Luo Binghe says, turning his head so Shen Yuan can feel his breath on his skin. “No, you’re so - Yuan-ge is really, really good. You didn’t know anything, and you still just let me come back home.”

“Oh, well - well it’s not like I let you get away with everything, you still can’t call me ‘Ge’ right now…”

“Mm,” Luo Binghe agrees. “I know. I have to get along with your brother.”

“Well - that is, surely given the new information, I can come up with some other sort of punishment,” Shen Yuan sputters. “I’ll find a way to convince you that Shen Jiu isn’t some version of Shen Qingqiu, but until then, I’m not - I won’t make you sit in a room with him…”

“It’s fine,” Luo Binghe repeats. 

He pulls back slightly, just enough that he can meet Shen Yuan’s eyes. 

“I want you to be my Yuan-ge,” he says. “I’ve been through far worse for less.”

Shen Yuan feels his expression crumple. 

“I know,” he says, because he really, really does. He read all about it. He complained all about it! “You really didn’t deserve any of that, Binghe…”

Luo Binghe’s grip on Shen Yuan tightens. He’s still hunched over and stretched all weird, trying to shove himself in Shen Yuan’s lap despite all the riches in the way. 

“Like what?” Luo Binghe asks, and Shen Yuan finds it suddenly impossible to look away from the pretty red of his eyes. “What, specifically, didn’t I deserve?”

Shen Yuan swallows. Luo Binghe looks almost hungry, and Shen Yuan can feel his nails - his claws, those are demon claws, now! - digging into his skin through his clothes. 

“Like - I mean, the obvious stuff, from when you were a kid, but -” Shen Yuan breaks off, licking his lips nervously. “But even after, even - even when you were emperor -”

“Like what?” Luo Binghe breathes. 

“Everyone always told you that your cooking was incredible, but no one ever asked if they could help with the dishes, and you never got time to just rest, there was always some fight you had to win or woman you had to - um, you know - like did you even get to have hobbies? And -”

Luo Binghe’s grip tightens, his face pressing closer to Shen Yuan’s, so near to him that Shen Yuan can feel Luo Binghe’s breath on his cheek. Shen Yuan can’t help but tighten his own grip on Luo Binghe, too.

“And after you merged the realms - which, Binghe, you know that was awful, right? Don’t do stuff like that! - but after, you had to recover so much of your energy and feed Xin Mo, and Ma Yujie -”

“Who?” Luo Binghe asks, and Shen Yuan flusters.

“Your 217th wife! Binghe, you - pay attention! Ma Yujie sat in your room all night playing the qin to soothe you, but she kept playing that same song over and over - the one you’d heard at dinner once and glanced over at the musicians, but you’d only looked because the song was one you’d been beaten for not learning well enough on Qing Jing, and Ma Yujie never asked she just assumed it was because you liked it so she played it all night long when you needed rest -”

“I remember that,” Luo Binghe says, smiling wryly. “I used qi to plug my ears so I didn’t have to hear it.”

“I know!” Shen Yuan cries. “Isn’t that awful? Isn’t that - isn’t it just one of so many things you’ve had to put up with?”

Luo Binghe leans in even closer, nosing into Shen Yuan’s cheek. Shen Yuan shuts up, listening to Luo Binghe breathe in deep, smelling him. Shen Yuan hopes he doesn’t smell too - too - he doesn’t even know, fuck -!

“Yuan-ge has always thought so much about me,” Luo Binghe sighs, clearly pleased. “I want to hear about everything you’ve ever thought about me - every single time you’ve thought I deserved better. I want to bite off pieces of you until you live inside me, and that still might not be enough.”

Shen Yuan feels himself flush, his eyes straining to keep looking at Luo Binghe even with their faces pressed against each other. 

“That -” Shen Yuan’s voice cracks, and he swallows, starting again. “That’s weird. Don’t do that.”

Luo Binghe grins, and Shen Yuan can feel his teeth against his cheek. 

“Hadn’t you just been saying I deserved better?” He asks, still hungry and pleased and pressing his toothy grin into Shen Yuan. “You’d still order me around and scold me, even after everything you just said?”

“Of course,” Shen Yuan says, a bit affronted at the mere idea of not bullying Luo Binghe into obedience. “That’s - it’s different.”

“It is,” Luo Binghe agrees. “That’s why it’s fine - why I’ll get along with Shen Jiu for two hours so I can call you Yuan-ge again.”

Shen Yuan sighs, his breath coming out a bit unevenly. “Binghe…”

“It’s fine,” Luo Binghe reassures once more. “You didn’t know. You’re good.”

Shen Yuan sighs again, but he feels more settled, this time. So long as Luo Binghe agrees…

Well, fine! Fine, fine! Everything is fine, and there’s no need for this serious sort of mood anymore! Luo Binghe isn’t even crying, so there’s really no need for it!!

“If I had known you were the real Luo Binghe,” Shen Yuan says seriously, “I would definitely never, ever have encouraged you to learn about guns with paintball.”

Luo Binghe snorts, finally pulling back away from Shen Yuan, and Shen Yuan finds himself grinning nervously. Good, good - this mood is better for sure.

“Your world’s weapons are fascinating,” Luo Binghe says. “I would have found ways to learn about them regardless.”

“What, like you aren’t already deadly enough on your own?” Shen Yuan asks, unwrapping his arms from Luo Binghe just to knock him gently over the head. “You have Xin Mo! Which, speaking of, is even more OP than I thought, since I’m assuming you being here is proof that it can cross entire worlds rather than just realms with it.”

Luo Binghe sighs. “You would like that damned sword.”

Shen Yuan sputters. What kind of assumption is that, that he’d be fond of some deadly and evil thing!!

“Do you not want to see it?” Luo Binghe asks. 

“Shut up, of course I want to see it!!” Shen Yuan scolds. “...Can I see it?”

Luo Binghe scoots back a bit so there’s more distance between the two of them, leaving the air between them feeling cold and weird. Then he reaches up and gestures with one hand, going from empty handed in one moment to having pulled a sword hilt from nothingness. 

It would be objectively so fucking cool, if only the rest of the sword hadn’t fallen in several large shards to land on the pile of gems in Luo Binghe’s lap.

“Xin Mo is shattered?!” Shen Yuan cries, perhaps unduly distressed to see a sword he didn’t even think existed in real life several minutes ago be broken now.

“The trip to this world must have been too much for it to bear after all,” Luo Binghe says, looking down at the sword shards curiously. “Well, that’s probably for the best.”

“How could that possibly be for the best?! That was Xin Mo!!”

Luo Binghe levels him with an infuriatingly smug look. 

“Can’t send me back if there isn’t a way back to begin with,” he says.

“...You’re really beyond any sort of normal,” Shen Yuan sighs. “Don’t throw the shards out, at least - give them to me if they’re useless now.”

“For what?” Luo Binghe asks, curious.

Shen Yuan sniffs, looking away. “I can display it next to my replica - no one else has actual Xin Mo pieces in their merch collections.”

“You’re really beyond any sort of normal,” Luo Binghe parrots, but he’s got his too-sharp teeth displayed in a toothy grin, so, ehh -

It’s probably fine.

---

Later, after Shen Yuan has had his spiraling breakdown in the bath, and after he’s helped Luo Binghe carefully store away all his precious gems and artifacts and everything else that had been stored in his sleeves, Shen Yuan crawls into bed with the full intention of spending several quiet hours reading before going to sleep. Escapism really is the best method of not-processing any day’s events, you know!!

Unfortunately, laying in bed on his phone is also an excellent way to ensure he’s awake when Luo Binghe sneaks into his room later.

Luo Binghe freezes when he sees Shen Yuan awake on his phone, staring at him like a deer in the headlights. Er, sort of like that, except his eyes are glinting in the dark like a cat’s, which looks far more predatory than a deer.

“...Yes?” Shen Yuan asks after a moment of staring in silence.

Luo Binghe stares for another moment, then clears his throat. “I’ve had a very long day,” he says. 

“Tell me about it,” Shen Yuan sighs, eyeing Luo Binghe’s demonic huadian. 

It’s glowing ever so slightly in the dark of Shen Yuan’s room. A cute little nightlight, Shen Yuan thinks absently, quickly followed up by, fuck, I really am tired.

“I got both of my cultivations back, and my body had several physical changes,” Luo Binghe continues very matter-of-factly. 

“Congrats on leaving this mortal coil behind,” Shen Yuan deadpans.

Luo Binghe narrows his eyes at him.

“I - I learned that I couldn’t ever go back to my own world?” He tries, despite having told Shen Yuan quite bluntly earlier that he had no desire to make such a return in the first place.

Shen Yuan rolls his eyes. “Haven’t you learned to beg nicely by now?” 

Luo Binghe glares at him, but he does purse his lips into an approximation of a pout, so that’s sort of cute, at least.

“Alright, then,” Shen Yuan sighs. “Come on.”

Saying so, he scoots over to one side of his bed, and Luo Binghe scampers over to take the other side. Shen Yuan goes back to reading on his phone as Luo Binghe gets comfortable, worming his way under the blankets and scooting in close until he can wrap himself around Shen Yuan’s back.

It isn’t a bed made for two people, and by the time Luo Binghe has stopped shuffling around, their legs have ended up tangled together. Luo Binghe’s grip on Shen Yuan is too-tight as always, but it’s also a bit like being hugged by a space heater, so Shen Yuan just hums and relaxes into it.

“Are you reading about me?” Luo Binghe asks after getting comfortable, his nose pressed firmly into the back of Shen Yuan’s neck.

“No fucking way,” Shen Yuan snorts. “I have enough of you as it is, thank you.”

Luo Binghe makes an offended noise in the back of his throat, and Shen Yuan uses the hand not holding his phone to pat at the arm draped over his waist. 

“The main character in this one isn’t any good, though,” he says, half in reassurance and half in genuine complaint. “There’s such a thing as too genre savvy - this guy’s just as bland as can be, nothing ever gets to him.”

“Mm,” Luo Binghe says, pressing himself ever closer to Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan, especially eager to complain after the day he’s had, takes that as an invitation.

“The supporting cast isn’t bad as a whole,” he continues. “But this two-faced bitch that’s getting setup to be the love interest is miserable. Last chapter, she poisoned the well of the entire estate just to get back at a single servant - how dumb can you be? Now she’s rolling around in bed with all the symptoms of her own poisoning, and -”

“Yuan-ge,” Luo Binghe cuts in, “if we were a story, what kind would we be?”

Shen Yuan scowls, both at being called ‘Yuan-ge’ and having his complaints cut off.

“A comedy of errors,” he grumbles. “A tragedy. My own personal obituary, maybe.”

Luo Binghe bites the nape of Shen Yuan’s neck, hard enough Shen Yuan yelps at the feeling of his fangs digging into his skin. 

“No need for that!” He cries, squirming in Luo Binghe’s hold as he tries to get some leverage to elbow or kick him or something. 

“Answer seriously,” Luo Binghe says, releasing his bite. 

“Fine, fine, ah!” Shen Yuan scowls, squirming a bit some more before settling back down. “I guess - I mean, it would have to be transmigration, right?”

“Transmigration?” Luo Binghe asks, clearly not having expected that particular response.

“Since you came from a different world -”

Luo Binghe shifts suddenly, rolling them both over so that Shen Yuan is on his back and Luo Binghe is hovering over him, his face inches from Shen Yuan’s own.

Shen Yuan falls silent, staring up at him. Luo Binghe searches Shen Yuan’s face, expression especially intense, but eventually he just shakes his head.

“No,” he says. “Even if that’s right, don’t talk about it. I don’t care about that anymore.”

Shen Yuan blinks up at Luo Binghe, only growing more confused. Did he want a serious answer or not, ah?!

“I’m asking about our story,” Luo Binghe clarifies.

“Oh, you mean -” Shen Yuan’s voice dies in his throat. Doesn’t that sound like Luo Binghe is looking for some sort of sappy, overly-tropey answer?

“Earlier, you really did fix everything. Neither of my cultivations are as strong as they were before, and my demonic features aren’t as pronounced - I think they still don’t quite fit in this world,” Luo Binghe continues. “Even so, it’s all there. Every technique, every treasure I had brought with me, every part of me that was lost when I first came to this world - you fixed it.”

“Um. I’m glad?”

Luo Binghe shakes his head again.

“You fixed it,” he stresses, “but you didn’t dual cultivate with me. You didn’t even kiss me properly.”

“Wha - hey!” Shen Yuan protests weakly, his face growing very warm very quickly. “What makes a kiss proper or not, huh?”

“You just gave me such a simple thing, and that was all it took.” Luo Binghe says, voice quiet even as his expression remains intense. “We’re a love story.”

“O-oh,” Shen Yuan squeaks. “That’s, um. That’s really cheesy…”

“Mm,” Luo Binghe agrees, and then rolls back over and gathers Shen Yuan up in his arms again. 

Shen Yuan is left feeling bereft - that sort of moment, and Luo Binghe - he just rolled over and was done with it just like that? What kind of cheap, no-good -

We’re a love story, Shen Yuan hears echo in his own mind, and he quickly turns over again, too, so his back is once more to Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe loosens his grip on him just enough to let him turn over, then clings on tightly once more as soon as Shen Yuan is settled.  A love story…

Shen Yuan hopes the tips of his ears are covered by his hair properly. How embarrassing, if Luo Binghe could see…

“I -” Shen Yuan’s voice cracks, and he swallows, then starts again. “I had another idea for a job you could do,” he says.

Luo Binghe sighs heavily, his breath making Shen Yuan’s hair flip up oddly at the base of his neck.

“Didn’t I give you all those precious things from my qiankun sleeves earlier?” He asks. “Aren’t I the same as you now?”

Shen Yuan clears his throat awkwardly, trying to quickly brush past the accusation of being a kid with no job sitting on a bunch of money.

“You’re an undocumented citizen of a different realm,” he protests weakly. “If you tried to sell a pile of precious gems with no records or known history, you’d end up behind bars faster than I could bail you out.”

Luo Binghe makes a face - Shen Yuan can feel the way his nose scrunches up against his neck.

“Your world has too many rules,” he grumbles.

“Also,” Shen Yuan adds a bit quieter, “I’d help you, this time - it’s an idea for both of us.”

Luo Binghe sighs, his fingers flexing around Shen Yuan’s waist. Shen Yuan kind of wants to pluck his hand off of him to play with it, to inspect Luo Binghe’s claws up close, but he keeps hearing we’re a love story over and over and - 

Shen Yuan squirms, tucking himself a bit closer into Luo Binghe’s embrace, just to hide a bit better.

“Alright,” Luo Binghe finally says. “I’ll try it, whatever it is.”

“The love story?!” Shen Yuan wheezes, taken off guard. 

Luo Binghe snickers. “The job, Yuan-ge.”

“Oh, right, of course, right, that’s -”

“We already have the other one.”

“You -!!” Shen Yuan cries, beating uselessly at the mattress beneath him. He can’t even shove his head under the pillow, because Luo Binghe’s wormed his way into sharing that, too!!

“Mm.”

“...Whatever, whatever!” Shen Yuan cries. “Go to sleep!!”

“Mm.”

“I really mean it!!”

Luo Binghe pulls him in closer. “I know.”

“...Okay,” Shen Yuan mutters. 

We’re a love story, he hears again in his own head, and then he goes to sleep as fast as he possibly can so he can’t think about it anymore.

---

It takes more effort than Shen Yuan had expected - there’s papers to sign and setups to purchase and menus to arrange - but a couple weeks later, he’s helping Luo Binghe sell his baked goods at a farmer’s market.

“I’d do the customer service,” Shen Yuan had explained, “and you’d make the stuff. You’d be making it ahead of time, so you can use my kitchen, and take as much time as you want, and make food that you’re happy to give to people.”

Of course, Luo Binghe still has to be present at the market when everything is getting sold - like hell he could convince Shen Yuan to lug all his goods off and sell them on his own! - but Shen Yuan is content to let Luo Binghe hover ominously at the back of their little stall managing the stock while Shen Yuan does the people-work.

This does potentially lead to somewhat of a clientele issue - Shen Yuan catches several people begin to approach their stall and then back off after catching sight of Luo Binghe glaring out at the crowd, but…

Shen Yuan has also caught sight of the expression on Luo Binghe’s face when someone unwraps their purchase to eat right there in the market, the way his expression grows somewhat conflicted and his hands clench and unclench by his sides.

“In the past, I only cooked for my wives and my mother,” Luo Binghe had said yesterday, busy baking as Shen Yuan watched. “Recently, I’ve only cooked for you. Now, with this…”

Shen Yuan hadn’t pressed the issue then, and he won’t now, either. If Luo Binghe comes to him after this is over and says he won’t do it again, then that’s fine. But, ah…

This is the real Luo Binghe, after all. The one that had been forced to learn that people were either out to get him or get in bed with him, the one that Shen Yuan has witnessed first hand grow aggressive when people on the street just happen to look at him for a moment too long. 

Something like this, putting effort into making good food and watching complete strangers enjoy it and then go one with their lives - it’s probably good for Luo Binghe. 

So Shen Yuan sells the baked goods that Luo Binghe has made while Luo Binghe himself glares out from the back of the stall, and things go mostly like that for the rest of the morning.

Only mostly, though, because there’s one guest that Luo Binghe handles himself.

“Ah, Binghe,” Shen Yuan calls. “You might want to hide…”

Luo Binghe comes up behind him, resting his chin on Shen Yuan’s shoulder as if that’s actually necessary to see who Shen Yuan is looking at.

“Yuan-ge…” Luo Binghe whines when he sees him, “I thought you weren’t inviting him.”

“I didn’t!” Shen Yuan protests, shoving Luo Binghe’s face away and off his shoulder. “But, well, it’s Er-ge. Of course he found out I was doing something like this…”

Shen Yuan pauses, then remembers to say:

“And no ‘Yuan-ge,’ even when you’re whining!”

Luo Binghe sighs, looking very put out. “Alright,” he says. “Give me your phone.”

Shen Yuan reaches up to flick at his nose, watching Luo Binghe rear back and scrunch up his nose in distaste.

“Please give me your phone,” Luo Binghe revises, and Shen Yuan obliges. 

Luo Binghe takes it, navigates to the clock app to set a timer for two hours, and hands it back to Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan glances down at the timer and then back up at Luo Binghe, skeptical.

“...You know it takes like five minutes tops for someone to buy something, right?”

“I’ll keep him busy,” Luo Binghe promises, expression serious.

“What is this, a boss fight? Why are you saying it like that?” Shen Yuan grumbles. 

“A very important boss fight,” Luo Binghe agrees. “I should get a kiss for good luck.”

“Fuck off,” Shen Yuan says, pushing Luo Binghe’s face away again when he leans in close. “You aren’t getting anything in public.”

“But when we’re not in public…” Luo Binghe trails off, grinning smugly.

Shen Yuan scowls, turning away. “Whatever, whatever - who can tolerate you, the way you twist everything I say, ah! Get out of here, your timer is ticking! Er-ge hasn’t even reached our stall, and your timer is ticking!!”

Luo Binghe laughs. It’s a joyous sort of sound; Shen Yuan peeks back over his shoulder so he can catch sight of the toothy grin he knows comes with Luo Binghe’s laughter.

“Okay,” he says. “I’ll be back, then.”

And then Luo Binghe slides past him to take his spot at the front of the stall, just in time for Shen Jiu to arrive as well.

Shen Yuan, for his part, steps back and watches. He’ll cut in if things start to get too nasty, of course - he doesn’t want Luo Binghe to bite Shen Jiu’s hand off or for Shen Jiu to send Luo Binghe into any sort of awful mental spiral. Until it reaches that dangerous sort of point, though…

Well, it’s alright to want to watch Luo Binghe get bullied a bit, right?

Fight hard, Er-ge!! Shen Yuan mentally cheers. Then, a bit guiltily, he adds: And if Binghe ends up eating shit in this battle…

Mm. He can have a kiss later, if he cries cutely for it.