Chapter Text
She didn't know how it worked. Whatever it was. Some sort of spark, some sort of flame, something like a soft warm breeze floating between them. And she had no idea how it worked at all.
Hiccup smiled at her whenever he saw her, told her so much about dragons and metal-smithing and leather-work and anything else he liked, and she loved to listen.
But when his hand crept across the grass to touch hers as they watched the sunset, she pulled back. After a tough battle and the others were embracing joyfully, she turned to tending Stormfly. A hard one had been after she'd had the Scourge. Hiccup was glued to her side, and she felt torn between keeping him close and driving him away.
She didn't know why she did it, either. Especially when something in her chest ached when Hiccup took the hint to leave her alone, when he dropped his hand when she didn't reach back for his.
Why? Why, she asked herself, and got no answer. She found herself aching for him, but something like a wall in her mind kept her from reaching out for him. Why? she thought angrily.
She played out the scenario in her mind. Hiccup's arms opened to embrace her and her heart raced. Something in her backbone told her to get away. She saw nothing but admiration and affection in Hiccup's face, knew he was less of a threat to her than a concussed Terrible Terror. But why couldn't she force herself to step into his arms, even in her mind?
A knock at the door of her hut made her stand up without thinking. Hiccup stuck his head around the frame, knuckles ready to knock again. "Hey, Astrid. Busy?"
"No," she said, forcing herself to relax even though her muscles were tingling. "C'mon in." Hiccup did and sat down on a crate. He had a bag slung over one shoulder and slung it around to root in it.
"I've been testing some stuff with Toothless but I want to see if the other dragons react the same," he said, producing a packet of linen tied closed with string. "This is dragon nip and dried sagefruit peel. It knocks Toothless out really well if he's restless or upset. Remember that windstorm last week?"
"Yeah." Astrid remembered sitting in the caves behind the stables next to a nervous Stormfly and feeling just as nervous as her dragon that Hiccup would decide to sit by her. Toothless had been lying with all four legs in the air, snoozing.
"I think it would come in handy!" Hiccup said. "Can I leave this with you, and you can tell me how well it works when Stormfly needs it?"
"Sure," Astrid said, taking the packet. Their fingers brushed and she felt lightning zip up her arm. "Thanks."
"I've been too busy to fix her saddle, sorry," he said. "Is the backup working okay?"
"It'll last another few weeks," Astrid said. She was glad to talk about something that wasn't difficult. "I had to let it out to the last hole in the strap; she's grown since she last wore it."
"Did you know that some species never stop growing?" Hiccup asked, eyes alight with excitement. "There are some dragons out there that are bigger than Titanwings!" He ticked a few off. "Scauldrons, Seashockers..." he stopped and stared off into space for a moment. "Of course... it would be aquatic dragons, because they don't have to pull their weight around as much as other ones! That makes so much sense!" Astrid smiled. She really did love to hear Hiccup talk about dragons; it lit up his whole face like nothing else. He grinned back at her. "I'm going to tell Fishlegs that. See you later!" He stood, hesitated, then raised his arms for a hug.
Something zinged through Astrid's spine and she couldn't help how she leaned back slightly.
Hiccup's face fell a bit. "Sorry."
"It's not you," she forced herself to say. "I-- I just don't--,"
"I get it," Hiccup said. "Not a hugger."
"But I want to," she said, frustration bubbling up. "I want to be able to."
He paused. "Well... would it help if I didn't reach out?"
"I don't know. Maybe." She felt so stupid. Why couldn't she just accept a hug from her... friend?
"How about if you started it?" He put his arms to his sides. "Only if you want to."
The two sides battled in Astrid's mind, but she forced them both down so she could hear herself think. "Okay."
Hiccup stood very still as she got to her feet and approached. He didn't meet her eyes, a tactic she knew he employed on skittish dragons. That made her feel something she couldn't unravel at the moment. Carefully, she took him in her arms.
It was awkward and stilted, because how could it not be? Hiccup tried not to move, but that made it a bit like hugging an armored pole, and Astrid couldn't make herself relax enough to enjoy it fully. But something in her chest melted just a bit as Hiccup tilted his head to lean it against hers. She inhaled his scent of leather and soot and grease and dragon.
When they stepped apart, Hiccup gave her a radiant smile. "Was that okay?"
"Yes," she said, and she found that it was true.
"Whenever you want me to hold still so you can hug me, just ask," he said gently. "Whatever you're comfortable with."
The thing in her chest melted further and she stepped forward again. This time she relaxed a bit more into it, and Hiccup put a cautious hand on her back. She stepped away.
"A bit at a time," she said, not meeting his eyes.
"That's okay," he said, totally amicable. "At your pace, Astrid."
"Thanks." She met his gaze and blushed a bit. "See you later."
Hiccup left, and Astrid lay back on her bed to stare at the ceiling and think about how his hair had brushed her cheek and the way the myriad scents that clung to him blended into something that made her feel... safe.
She'd try again tomorrow, or maybe the next day. At her pace.