Chapter Text
Mulan walked with the soldiers beside her.
They had made sure she could not run. Mulan thinks that's a bit ridiculous, there was no use in running anyway, she had given up on that. "We're close," The soldier said."All this chasing, and you ended up here anyway. Quite stupid, if you ask me."
Can I just punch the smugness off of their faces? Mulan thought. She knew she couldn't, but it was tempting all the less.
"You've found the Concubine?"
They were at the camp now, and the man in front of them seemed to be the General, if she had to guess from the uniform.
"Yes, General, she put up a fight, but we got her."
Mulan doesn't even look until he says,"Look, Girl." She obeys. "Indeed very beautiful, like I've heard," The General said."She'll be useful to my son as a Concubine. We have an area for Concubines."
Great, there's more of them like her.
She's brought to a large area. A few girls are sitting around, reading, or giggling and gossiping. They wore the same kind of dress, though, it went to nearly their feet and it was white, but the embroidery was gorgeous.
They wore the kind of makeup Mulan didn't like.
"You'll fit in, the girls are kind, they'll welcome you."
Brought into a tent, a woman smiled."We've been expecting you, Fa Mulan. Come, we'll prepare you."
"I.."
"You don't have to say anything. It's scary, isn't it? It was for all of the girls. You'll get used to it."
They bathe her in cold water, and after place her in the same white dress as the others. "You are special," One told her."You're the Concubine of the Captain." Mulan doesn't think that makes her special by any means.
But she keeps her mouth shut.
She has no other choices anyway.
The makeup doesn't feel right on her, not in the slightest. "This doesn't feel right," Mulan softly said. "Oh, it's just nerves!" The woman told her."Tomorrow, though, you'll see what we all see. For now, you sleep where all the girls do, in that area."
Why put makeup on her then if she's not meeting the one she has to fuck?
It doesn't make sense.
"Fa Mulan, right?" A girl said, walking over to her. Mulan nodded."That's me." "My name's Shen Ying Yue," She introduced."I've been a Concubine for a little bit, I can help you out, you'll probably need it."
"Thank you," Mulan smiled."I'm clearly very new at this." "Well, we admire the bravery you have for trying to get out of it," Ying Yue replied."I'm surprised they didn't punish you by giving you to the Huns."
Mulan gulped."They can?" "If the enemies wanted a concubine from us, we'd probably give them one, someone like you, with a warrior spirit, they prefer that in women," Ying Yue told her."Or so they say."
"I guess I got lucky."
She's brought to the bed she'll sleep in. "Sometimes, the men wish for you to sleep with them, but that's rare," Ying Yue explained."And most of us are just for the soldiers, to warm their beds."
"I don't want that," Mulan sighed."And what if one of us gets pregnant?" "The children are taken care of, and who knows? They might need to rebuild the population once this war is over," Ying Yue replied.
"So we have no choice? We have to keep the baby?"
Ying Yue nodded."It's already officially forbidden anyway, Mulan. A child is a miracle, they say."
"You don't believe it?"
"I'm not sure," Ying Yue admitted."I'm only sixteen." "No! You're too young to be a Concubine," Mulan said.
"Sixteen's the youngest they go, thankfully."
Still doesn't make it better!
And Mulan thought for a moment, eighteen was far too young, but they apparently pushed it back slightly.
How could she even sleep at night now, when she's heard of this? How desperate were they to send off young girls? "Did the matchmaker not approve of you too?" Mulan asks. "Nope, but the matchmaker's just so uptight it's difficult to," Ying Yue told Mulan, smiling. "I agree," Mulan chuckled.
"Get some sleep, you'll need the rest," Ying Yue told her. Mulan nodded. Her area was seemingly comfortable. Mulan let the bun from her hair down. At least she held some autonomy over that.
She laid down on the bed and tried falling asleep.
It was difficult considering all of the circumstances she was in. Pulling the blanket over her body, Mulan finally allowed herself to let the tears come down from her face. She knew what her life would be now.
She hadn't allowed herself to cry, until now.
It was refreshing, it was a fresh breath of air letting all those tears out. She could be herself for once. She had put up a brave face, but that wasn't real bravery, it was fear. She felt it. Her ancestors were disappointed in her.
She had managed to dishonor her entire family.
By not only becoming a bride, but becoming a concubine. This was a role worse than marriage, and Mulan didn't think it could honestly get any worse than becoming a wife to someone she doesn't love.
Maybe getting out of China would be a good stop.
But she already tried, and she failed the first time. Maybe she just had to give up and completely accept the fate she's been forced into. Honestly, she hated this look. She hated how she looked, a pretty concubine.
If she had been at the palace, it probably would've been much worse.
Honestly, though, the Emperor was far too old. He probably didn't have those desires anymore. Still, her grandmother remembered a time when he did have Concubines. Only a few. And he only has daughters.
Ironic.
Mulan hopes that part of this arrangement doesn't include children, only because she doesn't want her children to grow up in this kind of environment. But she never really thought about motherhood all that much. She just was wanting an adventure when she grew up, almost forgetting momentarily all the expectations and honors she's meant to fulfill.
For a moment, Mulan was free.
It was hard to sleep with being around other girls, but what else did she expect? This was the life she was meant to live, apparently, the matchmaker thought so. It was probably just to punish her for humiliating the matchmaker unintentionally.
Mulan thinks of the songs her mother used to sing to her at night, and her grandmother too. At least, she always looked out for her. She died not long after her seventeenth birthday, but she told Mulan to always be herself.
So she tried to be.
Yet nothing she did seemed to be enough. When she tried to push who she really was down, it only failed.
Mulan wasn't going to fail at this.
She'd be a good Concubine.
--
As soon as Mulan woke up, which was early in the morning, Ying Yue was standing by her bed."Come, Mulan." "Do I not just wear this dress?" Mulan asked. "No, silly, not for the first meeting," She giggled.
"I don't understand."
"That's why I'm your guide," Ying Yue assured her."Just follow me." Mulan follows. Ying Yue was younger than her, but seemed so much more mature with knowledge and guidance. This was something she was pretty clueless about.
She's dressed up, the dress is the color of cherry blossoms, her favorite flower. Her makeup's done, but this feels so… odd.
It's not her, and it's fake.
She probably looks awkward. "You have natural beauty, Mulan, it just enhances it," Ying Yue smiled."Oh, and the general's son is pretty handsome too. Maybe you'll like him. You two are pretty similar."
I doubt it, Mulan thought, but kept her mouth shut.
A few soldiers glanced at her as she walks with the younger concubine. "Have you been touched?" Mulan asked her. Ying Yue nods."a few times. he's gentle, though, and was very patient for my first time."
A sixteen-year old shouldn't go through that.
Yet, she kept a poker face, she no longer could reaction. "General Li," Ying Yue said. General Li approaches."Is she ready?" Ying Yue nodded."Fresh as ever. Your son will like her presence, right?"
"Depends," He said."But she's a good match nonetheless. He needs a woman." Like I have any say, She thought, treating her as if she wasn't there. The other men still are staring. She's beautiful, as Ying Yue told her.
Ying Yue nods."I'll go then. I'm sure Ling needs me." This left Mulan to be on her own. She was always independent, until this very moment. Well actually, until her captivity. "儿子," She hears him say, calling for his son.
"Yes, 父亲?" His son asks, stepping out of the tent, and Mulan did not expect him to be so handsome.
"Here's your concubine."
He seems shocked, as if he did not expect her, and turns to stand in front of her. "What's your name?" he asks.
"Fa Mulan."
She tries to be as polite as she can be, but it's difficult, she's anxious. "My name's Li Shang," He introduced."I didn't even know I'd be getting a concubine." His father chuckled."You have needs, and this one was handpicked. She's your type of woman, before you marry."
"Father-"
"Marriage isn't an option, 儿子. But your main focus is this war right now."
He lets out a sigh, but doesn't say anything. His temper probably focuses on the war. He offers up his hand, and Mulan takes it. "You seem new to this," Li Shang comments."You must be the one i heard, that ran from her family."
"Yes. But i had a good reason to."
He nods."Have you ever done this before?" He means sex, and she shook her head."I never had time to. And as a daughter, it's valuable."
"My father thinks that this is what i need, with my anger, but the men need discipline and sternness, otherwise, they don't become soldiers. You have to be numb to those kinds of things," He explains.
"Indeed. My father said the same thing."
His bed looked comfortable. Admittedly, it'd be enjoyable. He's attractive, and (somewhat) her type, if she had one.
"Do you truly want this?" He asks."I won't do anything without your permission," He insists. This shocks her. She expected him to just, take it, and be done with her. "Yes, I think I do want this," Mulan replied. As she thought about it, the hidden desires she had, all of them, seemed to just flood right back. Granted, she didn't have much choices, but at least she had one, which was this.
He kissed her, and she accepts it, it's her first kiss but she kisses back. "I'm sorry, I'm not experienced," She admits.
"That's okay," He says."Most women aren't." He's not wrong. He pulls her closer, and she feels his fingers undo the ribbons of her dress.
"I may be strict on men, but i won't harm you, Mulan. You're mine now, I'll take care of you."
She's surprised he's accepting it so easily, but men have desires, plenty of them, it only makes sense that he would. He surely must've at least been suspicious. She lies down on the bed, and the pleasure she feels is anything she's ever experienced in her life.
She wonders how long she can go for, because she doesn't want to just do one round of it.
She still isn't exactly pleased about being a Concubine, and she wouldn't like it if she was forced into it, but this new experience shifted her perspective. She just hope this won't last long, that she'll go home. It'll probably be after a child or two.
She can't get rid of any of them, so it didn't matter.
She kept her eyes up at him the entire time, what was she supposed to think now?
"How was it?" Ying Yue asked. "Pleasurable," She muttered. Another girl giggled."Lucky you. It was horrible, the first time for me. But he just took it. Is the Captain kind?" "He was," Mulan spoke."He's strict, but kind."
"Captain Li's a good man, I already knew," One of the others said, she looked to be slightly older than Mulan."He just doesn't take it easy. I admire that." "How old are you?" Mulan asked. She ached, and probably would limp, but it was good.
"Twenty. I wasn't very good with the Matchmaker, so she thought it'd be best if i were a concubine, and maybe i'll be a bride afterwards."
Maybe.
As honorable as it was to be a Concubine, it meant you were also tainted, no longer a virgin. Who'd want a woman as a bride who wasn't a virgin? Mulan didn't mind not getting married, or being a wife.
It wasn't what she strived to be, but she also wanted to bring honor to her family, so maybe she did.
But it hadn't always been.
As a little girl, it was the least of her worries. She was just being herself freely. Most of the kids thought she stood out, she wasn't acting like a girl should, but what was their idea of a girl?
She was feminine, in her own way.
Feminity was different in many ways. She wasn't a woman to many people's terms but she was, and it was proven that by her current position.If she was a man, she could've fought in the war. She could've taken her father's place instead of warming a soldier's bed, or rather, a captain's bed.
Also, be the one to give him babies before a wife.
Illegitimate children, technically, but they'd be legalized because it's under the terms of a Concubine. So, to China, it was justified, because what if a wife couldn't bear a child? It wasn't ever spoken if a woman was barren, it was a dishonor.
It was sort of the same with a barren man, but it was less of a dishonor, because of course it was.
Mulan was hopeful that she wasn't barren.
She hoped she'd be able to become pregnant, though it hadn't been her first priority, becoming a mother and wife.
And because of that, she was seen as an outcast.
Mostly.
It didn't help that as a child, it seemed she always caused trouble somehow. She always ended up making a mess in her village.
The elders warned her that she wouldn't become a bride if she kept being clumsy and troubled. Her grandmother always defended her from idiots like that.
she's still young, her grandmother always spoke, she'll become graceful as she gets older, but a child is playful in nature.
Her parents said the same thing, but they were always kind-hearted. Her father defended her too. Were children not playful? Mulan's parents were perfectly content with just one daughter, and at least they had a child. They might've been barren, or just infertile. They were fairly young when they got married, and a few years in, Mulan was born.
A miracle child, they all said.
The village as she got older doted on the beauty she was growing into. By then, they were less judgemental but still, behind their backs on the occasion, gossiped about the Fa Family.
Now, Mulan no longer really cared.
She became her own person, and even though she really adored her best friend, and she did her best to defend her, she was still somewhat different from Mulan, at least she had a husband, and a life that society expected for her.
It'd never happen for Mulan.
Not the traditional sense, anyway, but she wasn't traditional to begin with. She sat in the area with the other concubines. "They've got some training today, it seems," One of the girls commented."They look so handsome!"
Mulan couldn't help but admire Shang, because he was very handsome. How had he not found a bride? Was it simply because of how focused he was in this war? Either way, it surprised her. But she couldn't help the admiration, outside of his looks, that kind of fight and spirit she admired in a man like that.
Someone similar to her.
She focused on her book as a few girls were swimming. They seemed pretty content with the role they've been placed into. Maybe they even chose it, but they must've been similar to her in the way they did not fit the societal roles and expectations.
Or maybe it's just her.
She felt alone, even now, did anyone not want to be in this situation? She walked over to the lake. She dipped her feet into the lukewarm water. "Are you okay, Mulan?" A girl asked, she sat next to her."You don't seem happy."
"I'm not, I didn't want any of this," Mulan admitted. "My name's Lihua. I didn't want this, either. I was taken away from my family in the middle of the night, but at least I got to say goodbye," She introduced.
"Why were you a Concubine?" Mulan asked.
"The Matchmaker thought I wouldn't be a good bride, I seemed to anxious and not graceful," Lihua chuckled.
"You seem pretty graceful to me."
"Her standards are pretty high, it seems like."
Mulan nodded in agreement."It's like no matter what you do, it's the wrong choice. i mean, how does she know? i doubt she's married."
Lihua nodded."Definitely. I think she's a bit bitter she never got married and has to be a matchmaker to other people. It wasn't like I didn't try, I really did. But when you're put into a box, you panic, you don't think or act clearly."
Not in the slightest.
Maybe she could've been a little bit less clumsy, but the matchmaker should've been more patient.
either way, it wasn't ideal to dwell on the past. this was her future now, she has to accept it.