Chapter Text
By the time Till finally worked up the strength to give Luka Hyunwoo’s ashes, a week had already slipped by. He’d gotten sick the very next day–feverish, dizzy, and aching in ways that made even walking to the bathroom a challenge. Ivan, naturally, experiencing a newfound weakened immune system, caught his cold–with his broken ankle on top of it. The poor man was bedbound for the first three days, but he adapted to it better than Till had, and had gotten over it quicker. Isaac made it painfully clear that if he so much as spotted either of them outside their apartment within seven days, there would be consequences. So house arrest it was.
By the third day, Till was practically climbing the walls, staring out the window like a feral cat brought indoors and betrayed by the concept of confinement. He wasn’t lonely–not with Ivan there–but he missed the kids so badly. The video calls helped, seeing their faces light up, hearing them yell over each other as if their shouts would dispel their injured body parts and illnesses. But seeing their faces through such a tiny screen wasn’t enough, and it could never be. Till had never gone this long without seeing them in person. Even though five of them didn’t live with him and Ivan, he still made the effort to see them every other day without fail. He was their parent, too, and showing up physically was one of the ways he carried that responsibility, easing the load on Luka’s shoulders whenever he could.
A week wasn’t long in the grand scheme of things, and some parents might even beg for the time apart. But to Till–it felt like an eternity.
So when they were finally, finally, cleared for full health by Isaac after a home visit, Till didn’t walk to their agreed-upon meeting spot–he ran.
And then he slowed down, and sheepishly turned around.
Ivan waddled behind him slowly, shifting his weight with careful precision as he worked the crutches. His left foot was swallowed in a medical boot, still too fragile for a regular shoe, much less walking on. Isaac had said that trekking for hours in such heavy gear on top of a broken ankle was nothing short of unbelievable, but the recovery that followed certainly made it feel less heroic. Still–considering he’d done it to get home, to them… he couldn’t exactly scold him for making his injury worse.
“Sorry,” Till said, jogging back to him. “Didn’t mean to leave you in my dust there. I’m just excited.”
Ivan let out a warm laugh. “It’s alright. I wish I could go faster. I feel like that tortoise from Vivi’s storybook.”
Till slipped a hand onto the small of his back, slowing to match his pace, taking tiny steps. “To be fair, the tortoise did win in the end.”
“Perhaps I’m more similar to him than I thought,” Ivan looked at him, his eyes bright. Despite how miserable their lives had been the last week, Ivan always kept a positive outlook on things. Till admired that about him. How could he not after everything Ivan overcame? “At least my hare waits for me.”
“Of course!” Till quipped, slipping his braced hand through the loop of Ivan’s arm, shuffling closer. “I’d wait a thousand years for you.”
Ivan’s smile deepened, eyes crinkling, and Till felt his heart flutter–it never got old. “A thousand-and-nine.” He corrected Till.
“A thousand-and-nine,” Till echoed, lifting nine fingers proudly into the chilly air for emphasis. Ivan laughed again, and together they kept inching forward along the fenced path, taking their time, heading toward the beach.
“It’s them!” Taehyun shouted, pointing at them for emphasis.
The rest of the kids whipped their head over their shoulders as soon as the words left the boy’s mouth. Then the pack of cubs came barrelling towards them, leaving Luka, Youngwoo, and forgotten drawings made from sticks in the sand. Till opened his arms wide, and took in all their warmth as they wrapped around him however they could.
“We missed you guys!” Till announced, stuck in place, five bodies holding onto him tightly.
“We missed you guys, too,” Suella spoke for all of them, leaving their huddle first. She opened her little purse, and outstretched a folded piece of paper. Till took it from her, and made a big show of unfolding it… but he didn’t really have to pretend when the drawing revealed itself.
“I drew it for you guys,” Suella said quietly, shyly twisting her body. “Lou helped me colour it.”
Louie nodded persistently, still wrapped around his pants leg.
The drawing was of them–of their family. Luka was holding Youngwoo in his arms, and the rest of the kids were lined up in front of the adults, coloured vibrantly outside of the lines. Till was pretty sure he and Ivan were holding hands, and he found that to be incredibly sweet. He was very delighted with his new addition to the refrigerator.
“I love it, Suella,” Till insisted, and he meant it. The little girl was getting better at drawing, and he could proudly say she got her artistic skills from him. “Lou, your colouring is amazing, as always.”
Louie looked up at him, eyes wide from the compliment, before nuzzling in closer. Till’s chest warmed at the gesture. He had never been taught how to be a parent–none of them had. But he remembered, vividly, what it felt like to be a child searching for warmth in someone else. Sleepy hands reaching out in the dark–seeking comfort, heat, and safety. And familiar arms always reached back without hesitation. She had always gathered him close, answering those silent calls with unwavering tenderness. He couldn’t recall her face anymore, time, trauma, and other circumstances had eroded the details.
But her love? That he could never forget.
It had held him like it were a being itself, an entity so fierce yet gentle, urging him forward, telling him to keep fighting even when the Segyein insisted he was unworthy, unintelligent, and too much trouble. He never had to wonder if he was capable of loving, or worthy of being loved–no matter what Urak or anyone else claimed. Because he had known love once, and deeply. He’d carried it with him all his life, even when he didn’t understand why. Even when he wondered why all who he loved was taken away. Why did hers remain in his heart, and so persistently?
But now, as Louie clung to him, seeking the same small refuge from the cold–the same warmth Till had once reached for… He understood. He had carried that love so he could give it to them. So they would know what it felt like, and how to show it. So they would never accept anything less than the love he had been given once, the love Luka had finally found, and the love Ivan was only just learning to display.
When Till looked off to his side, realizing the kids had let him go, he found Taehyun and Vivi. Ivan had kneeled down, crutches forgotten in the sand, holding their attention. They seemed surprised at first, but Vivi’s eyes softened the longer he talked to them. Though his eyes could have been playing tricks on him, Till knew he wasn’t mistaken as he read Ivan’s lips, and the words ‘I love you’ left his mouth. Vivi’s lips pressed together, trying her hardest to fight off a smile, whilst Taehyun happily let Ivan pull them into an embrace. Vivi clasped her arms around his neck, holding him just as tight, and Taehyun enthusiastically lifted the arm not wrapped around Ivan into the sky, shouting about how he loved him, too. Suddenly, the rest of the kids left his side, Suella leaning on Ivan’s lap.
“Mister Ivan,” Suella piped up, tilting her head. “Do you love me, too?”
“Yes,” Ivan said instantly, nodding with earnestness. “Of course I do.”
“And me?” Louie asked, batting his thick eyelashes up at him.
“And you, Lou,” Ivan confirmed, pressing a quick laugh into his forearm.
Lucas lingered at Ivan’s side, arms folded, posture composed, face neutral as ever–very Luka–before he let out a pointed, unnatural cough into his hand.
Ivan turned to him, gaze softening, and ruffled his hair. “I love you too, Lucas.”
“I know,” Lucas replied with a casual shrug, leaning slightly into the touch. “I don’t need to hear it like these guys.”
“Liar!” Taehyun accused, pointing an indignant finger. “Then what was that big dramatic cough for?”
“I must be coming down with a cold,” Lucas explained smoothly, clasping his hands behind his back diplomatically.
“Lucas,” Taehyun said, narrowing his eyes, “your pants are gonna be on fire.”
“I think they’re already catching flame,” Vivi deadpanned.
Lucas let out a huff, though it didn’t go unnoticed how he patted at his pants leg–just in case.
Till shook his head, laughing to himself. When he turned back toward the ocean, he caught sight of Luka scooping Youngwoo into his arms, the baby making determined little grabby hands the whole way up. She was getting so big now; crawling toward anything that so much as sparkled in her line of sight. Luka could barely keep up with her speed. Even in his grasp, Youngwoo twisted stubbornly, trying to launch herself back toward the sand. Still, he managed to get her wiggly limbs back into the front carrier, where she shrieked indignantly at his audacity, then shortly found entertainment in a string of Luka’s hair. As the man trekked up the sand toward him, Till took Hyunwoo’s capsule out of his satchel, holding it out when he came close enough.
“I’m sorry it took me so long–”
Till’s apology broke off when Luka reached out–not for the urn, but for him. Luka gently pressed Till’s arm down, guiding the ashes out of the way before tugging Till forward and straight into an embrace.
“I’m so glad you guys are okay,” Luka breathed, the words muffled in Till’s sweater. Youngwoo babbled between them, squished but content. “When they caught me up on what happened, I thought I might have a heart attack,” Luka went on. “And then I couldn’t even see you because of the autoimmune stuff, and it just made everything worse.”
“I’d feel guilty if I were the reason you had a heart attack,” Till joked, but the concern could be heard in his voice. He wrapped his arms around Luka, patting his back reassuringly. “But we’re okay. We’re more than okay.”
“I know,” Luka sighed, pushing back. He stared at Till for a moment, as if making sure he was real. “I just had to see you in person–and make sure.”
“Well,” Till held out his arms, doing a little spin, making Luka laugh. “What do you think?”
“Better than last week,” Luka noted.
“So–a lot less like shit,” Till replied. “Good to know!”
Luka punched him lightly, smiling softly. Till tried again, and took Luka’s hand in his, pressing Hyunwoo’s urn flat into his palm. “How long has it been?”
Luka bit his lip, and tilted his head. “Twenty-eight years.” He didn’t even need to think. “Twenty-eight hellish, regretful, hard years.”
“You may feel like you don’t deserve to hold him,” Till began quietly. “But he was your friend, right?”
Luka nodded, Youngwoo’s palm splayed out against the cold disk, lightly padding at it. “Despite everything–we were.”
“He’ll be happy to be in the warmth of a friend's arms, after so many years in such a cold place,” Till urged. “And now he gets to rest beside his sister.”
“It might take me time to believe that,” Luka said softly, his words almost a whisper. He looked at Till, eyes squinting against the sun's light–they were gentle, holding so much generosity, and Till never knew there’d come a time he’d know nothing else when he looked at him. He truly had come such a long way, and even if he didn’t think so–Luka deserved a proper goodbye to his friends. “But thank you, Till.”
“There’s no need to thank me,” Till replied softly. “Just do me a favor.”
“What?” Luka asked, blinking.
“When you bury him,” Till pointed towards the capsule. “Bring Isaac and Dewey with you.”
“You… think they’d want to come?” Luka asked, unsure.
“Yeah,” Till nodded. “They loved Hyuna, too, after all. You told me Isaac may have loved her romantically. I think he’d want to help bury someone she loved, as well. You don’t have to tell them, you know–everything. Not if you don’t want to. But I’d like to hear stories about what you guys got up to as kids.”
Luka laughed, shrugging. “Whatever you guys got up to–just as three instead of four.”
“Still,” Till pressed, “I’d like to know.”
“Fine. How could I deny the guy who saved my life anything?” Luka rolled his eyes, smirking all the while. “Come over for dinner tonight?”
“Yes!” Till exclaimed, hugging him by his shoulders. “You know, all the while I was sick, I wished I had a morsel of your cooking. Like, just a crumb could cure me.”
“You’re ridiculous," Luka bumped him away, growing shy.
“I’m being so serious. Ask Ivan!”
“Dad! Papa!” Louie yelled, and the two men startled, turning around. Louie held up a tiny crab in his mittened hand. “There are crabs in the winter!”
Ivan knelt in the sand, digging shallow holes to show the kids exactly how to coax the crabs out. Suella gently took the one from Louie, crouching to return it safely to its winter home, while Louie scampered off toward Ivan, eager for more. Ivan slipped back into the rhythm of things with surprising ease, even with his injured foot stuck out in front of him, sitting awkwardly in the sand without a complaint. He was focused, content to be surrounded by the kids, smiling wide when Louie bounced excitedly as another crab revealed itself. Suella immediately scolded Louie about how long he was allowed to hold it before she would put it back. The little boy didn’t seem to care about his older sister’s nagging, wrapping his arms around Ivan’s neck, chattering to Ivan about the book on aquatic life Luka had ordered for him. Lucas and Taehyun were a little ways off, uninterested in their search, kicking a soccer ball to and fro, yelling at one another when either of them let it get too close to the water.
“Hey,” Till said as something dawned on him. “How’d you manage to get permission to go to the beach with the kids?”
“Oh,” Luka said, lifting a gloved hand and pointing toward the far end of the beach. “Cariah wanted to come with us. Anise agreed to be our second escort, but she went back after dropping us off. Cariah’s still around, though.”
Till squinted in the direction Luka indicated, and Cariah stood near the shoreline, bent over slightly. It took Till a moment to register the small figure on the ground beside him: knees tucked to their chest, listening–or pretending to listen–as Cariah rambled on. The kid looked unimpressed, eyes locked to the waves in front of him.
“Is that his little brother, Dawn?” Till asked. “I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“I didn’t even know he had a little brother,” Luka muttered. “The way he parties, you’d think he had zero responsibilities.”
“The reason you never see him is because he’s sick,” Till explained, watching the two of them more closely. “Probably the reason Cariah drinks the way he does. He puts on that upbeat act so nobody sees how much he’s actually struggling.”
“That makes sense,” Luka frowned, as if regretting his previous words of judgement. His features grew soft, understanding settling in. “That’s why he carried him the whole way here.”
“Yeah,” Till nodded sympathetically. “Cariah checks him out from time to time to get away for a while. After this, he’s going back to the infirmary.”
If there was one thing Till knew, it was that many of the base residents had drinking problems. Life on the base was relatively stress-free, but most people there had lived incredibly hard lives long before they ever found safety. Those who had once been pets struggled the most, Till noted. The Rebellion members came second–scarred by loss after loss–and then there were people like Cariah. Cariah’s parents had been Rebellion members themselves, and they died during a mission when Dawn was only three years old, leaving Cariah as his sole provider. He hadn’t joined the Rebellion to avenge their deaths, nor out of some deep-rooted desire for peace. He did it to survive, to keep Dawn fed, sheltered, and cared for.
Then Dawn had been diagnosed with an incurable terminal illness. And as advanced as the base was, its medical technology still fell painfully short. Just as stem cells had been out of reach for Luka, most life-altering treatments were impossibly expensive or simply unavailable. So Dawn was left to decline little by little, kept stable with the few resources they had, but never better. Cariah, like most, turned to the bottle to remedy all his problems, putting on a brave face all the while. Till felt terrible for him, and the pain he must be feeling to watch his little brother, barely eight-years-old, suffer and he could do nothing for him. So he worked himself to the bone to make Dawn’s room at the infirmary feel like his bedroom at home.
“Poor kid. He’s pretty quiet, too.” Luka spun around on his boots, scoping out the children and their current whereabouts. “I should get the kids to invite him to play.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Till said with a smile, watching Vivi make her way toward the brothers.
Cariah spotted her and immediately waved, gesturing animatedly between the two children as he introduced them. Once he finished, Vivi settled beside the younger boy, and Cariah stepped back to give them space. For a while, the two of them simply watched the waves. Then, Vivi reached into her jacket, and pulled out a deck of cards. Dawn blinked at her, hesitant–until a small smile tugged at his mouth. Slowly, with Cariah’s fretting assistance, he turned to face her. The interaction made Till’s heart swell with pride, immensely proud of Vivi for taking the initiative, even if a small part of him hurt for the reason she did it. Vivi knew loneliness too well; the pain of being excluded for things you couldn’t help, and not bothering to reach out because of it. Dawn figured the kids wouldn’t want to be his friend, assuming they’d be like the other kids on the base. But Till was happy to know he and Luka raised them well, Vivi’s breaking past Dawn’s assumptions. And knowing her, this had been her plan from the moment she heard Cariah was bringing his little brother. Till pumped a fist in the air, quietly celebrating. Vivi had just made her first friend outside her siblings–entirely on her own. He hoped Dawn would be the first of many.
Vivi and Dawn only got to play together for a short while, the soccer ball passing by them. Taehyun stared at them, the wheels in his head adorably turning, before he patted Lucas on the shoulder. He pointed at the pair, and cupped his hands over his mouth to project his voice over the ocean and wind.
“Can we play, too?” Taehyun shouted. Vivi waited on Dawn, who eventually gave a tentative nod, put off by Taehyun’s energy. Taehyun cheered as he and Lucas raced towards them, flopping down in the sand while Vivi shuffled the cards. “I’m Taehyun! What’s your name?”
“Taehyun,” Lucas scolded. “There’s no need to be so loud.”
“It’s okay,” Dawn squeaked out. “I’m Dawn.”
“I’m Taehyun!”
“You said that already,” Lucas clicked his tongue. “I’m Lucas.”
Dawn laughed a little, playing with his fingers. “It’s… nice to meet you guys.”
“We’re gonna play Go Fish,” Vivi announced. “It’s so easy.”
“Yeah,” Taehyun piped up, taking the cards Vivi handed out. “We’ll teach you!”
Their conversation fizzled into soft ohs, ahs, and little bursts of baffled exclamations as Dawn took to the card game with surprising speed. Cariah stood over them at first, blinking in open disbelief, before slowly lifting his gaze toward Till, their eyes meeting. Cariah’s shocked expression melted into a wide, grateful smile, his shoulders visibly relaxing as he watched his brother fall in with the other kids. Till returned the smile and mouthed a quiet sorry for his kids’ uncontrollable enthusiasm, but Cariah only shook his head and waved it off, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he watched them play, his smile unwavering.
“Well,” Luka sighed, pulling his eyes away from the heartfelt sight. “I’m gonna go help Ivan look for crabs. Youngwoo, you’ll be my little helper!” Youngwoo shouted in appeasement, if just to hear her own voice, her little hands ready to play with the sand again. “Want to join us in our mission?”
Till nodded, “I’ll be there in a second.”
Luka nodded, patting his shoulder before stalking through the sand, headed towards Ivan, Suella, and Louie. Till watched him go for a moment, then opened up his satchel again, taking out Sua’s capsule. He walked farther down the beach to where the waves stretched thin across the sand, where the land softened in the ocean’s reach. Carefully, he traced the etched lines along the capsule before lifting it out in front of him.
“This is the beach,” Till murmured. “Just one of the many places you’ll go. Until you’re reunited with Mizi. I know I’m not as fun, but you’re safe with me. With us.”He pressed the capsule to his chest, eyes drifting upward toward the dim winter sky, closing his eyes. “Please, Sua… help me find her. If she’s hurting, if she’s alone–help me make sure she doesn’t stay that way. After all this time, we’re finally halfway there.”
Till exhaled, unsure why he was speaking aloud, as if the capsule could hear him. Perhaps it was his way of keeping Mizi close, or a silent plea to the one being he believed could bridge the distance. Sua had been Mizi’s self-imposed god once, proudly announcing as much when the topic of their forlorn gods came up–if anyone would answer him, it had to be her.
Dejectedly, he opened his eyes again, only to freeze. “Ah!” Till shouted, jumping at the crab directly in his line of sight, snapping uselessly at him. Ivan leaned into his vision, balancing his weight on one of his crutches, grinning as he pulled the creature away from him.
“What are you doing down here by yourself?” Ivan asked, tilting his head. “Wishing on a star?”
Till blinked, softly shaking his hand as he opened his palm. Ivan gently dropped the crab into it, and it scuttled around, before going still in the middle of his palm, trying to burrow into the warmth of his glove.
“Wishing on Sua,” Till corrected sheepishly. He crouched, cupping the hand that held the crab so he could poke a small hole into the sand. Then he held his palm out in front of it. The little creature scurried down the length of his glove, tucked itself into the hole, and hurriedly buried itself beneath a flurry of sand. “To help me find Mizi. Do you think she’ll answer?”
Ivan hummed as he limped closer, and Till instinctively slipped an arm around his waist. Ivan wrapped his arms around Till’s waist and pulled him in tighter. Till rested the back of his head against Ivan’s coat, the two of them staring out at the horizon.
“Why do you look for Mizi?” Ivan asked, breaking the silence.
Till stared up at him, eyes locking underneath his chin. “What do you mean?”
“What makes you search for her?”
“Well,” Till tilted his head, thinking. “The last time I saw her, she was alive. So… I guess, I never assumed that she just–wouldn’t be.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because…” Till trialled off, and by the time he found the words, Ivan finished his sentence.
“She’s strong?” Ivan looked down at him for confirmation, and Till nodded.
“Sua loved Mizi a lot,” Ivan went on, resting his chin on the top of Till’s head. “But she knew that between the two of them, Mizi was the stronger one. In strength, emotionally… and mentally. The reason you don’t doubt Mizi’s existence is the same reason Sua did what she did. She knew Mizi could survive without her. But she knew she couldn’t survive without Mizi.”
Till gasped softly, something unlocked for him. “Did Sua lose on purpose?”
“She…” Ivan’s voice dropped, like he was handling a painful memory. “She told me she would. Back then, I told her it would only traumatize Mizi. That it was selfish. And then I turned around and did the same thing. Because there was a fleeting moment during it all where I looked at you, and finally knew the exact pain she spoke of. To potentially win it all, then having to go on when there was nothing else to live for. I couldn’t do it…”
Ivan twisted Till by the shoulder, turning him to face him. His expression was serious, his grip firm. “But you could,” he said. “Mizi could. If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that we’ll find her. I don’t have restrictions on telling the truth anymore…”
He softened then, a smile appearing on his lips, his dark eyes overflowing with sincerity. “But I also don’t have any reason to lie. And have I ever lied to you?”
Ivan said he’d find Vivi, and he did. Ivan said they’d rescue Sua, and they did. Ivan said he’d come back, and he did. Ivan said they’d find Mizi…
“No,” Till answered without hesitation–because it was true.
“Then it’s settled.” Ivan lifted his arm toward the cloudless sky. “Mizi, we’re coming for you.”
Till laughed at his childish gesture, then he reached out, too. His fingertips extend towards the sky, above the ocean, above the universe. He could hear the kids' laughter behind him, picking up in the wind. Everyday since he’d found Ivan again, he never went without thinking about how he might just be the luckiest man on Earth. This luck had given six wonderful children, a close friend in the most unexpected person, and the man of his dreams, whom he thought he could never have–only to now have him forever, and no one could take Ivan away from him. He could only hope that this luck, no matter how long it took, would bring Mizi back to them.
That this luck would endure. That he could bring her peace, one day.