Chapter Text
Carmy stared at the phone, wondering if he read the text from his sister correctly or if he was seeing things because he was so sleep deprived. He dragged his hand over his face, feeling an uncomfortable sensation brewing in his chest as he re-read the message.
Carm, so sorry. I may have told mom about Manny.
He left her on read. On purpose. Not trusting himself to type out a response. The text from Donna followed.
Congrats, Carmen. I would love to meet my new grandchild. I could come by if that's okay?
He had left her on read too.
"Carmy?" Sydney joined him in the kitchen with Manny in her arms. Her brows furrowed as she took the sight of him in. "Did you hear what I said?"
He could feel a headache forming. A dull ache in the middle of his forehead. He shook his head, picking up his coffee. It had been his second for the day but hey, who's counting?
"I said my dad is coming by. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, Syd. It's fine." He replied flatly. He took a sip of his coffee. It burned but he couldn't bring himself to react to it. He gulped down another sip, letting it scorch his throat.
Sydney looked him up and down, shaking her head. "What's wrong?"
He refused to meet her questioning gaze. He focused on Manny instead, holding his finger out so he could wrap his hand around it. He seemed to like doing that.
"Are you okay?" Sydney asked, voice low, dripping with concern.
His heart squeezed. He didn't want her to worry. He didn't want to feel how he felt. He didn't want to deal with Donna fucking Berzatto either.
"No," He answered honestly, his own voice equally as low. He sat the mug down and reached for their son. Sydney passed him over.
"It's my mom, Syd."
Sydney took a deep breath, "Oh." She looked down at Manny, already sensing what he wasn't saying. "You told her?"
He scoffed. "Sug did, accidently." He rolled his eyes. "How is that even fucking possible?" He spat out.
"It's not like it's a huge secret," Sydney shrugged. "I was ready to pop when I met her."
Carmy shook his head, "It doesn't matter. It wasn't Sug's place. She should have kept her big mouth shut."
He nodded his chin towards his phone. "See for yourself."
She tapped the screen lightly until it lit up and punched in his pin. The phone unlocked with a click to reveal his texts. She read the top two and uneasiness settled in the pit of her stomach. She knew how he felt about his mom.
"Are you going to tell her no?"
"I don't know."
"You want to."
"Obviously, yeah."
Sydney chewed on her lower lip, glancing at her son's face and then at his father. "I know Donna is a sensitive topic for you-I know it was a lot for you to be ok with me meeting her. But...hear me out. What if she's really trying to change?"
"Trying." he repeated, shaking his head and protectively holding Manny tighter against his chest.
"Yeah, trying. I won't push you to have a relationship with her. It's not my place." She said, crossing her arms and leaning against the counter. "It doesn't just effect you now though."
"I know." Carmy whispered.
"I'm going to shower. My dad will probably be here soon."
"Syd," He called out before she could completely disappear.
She turned around to look at him, a hint of sadness mingled with the weariness in her eyes. "Yeah?"
He walked close enough until he was in front of her again. "I'm not trying to be an ass about this. I get what you're saying but-
"She's not my mom." She finished for him. "I didn't have to live with her and put up with whatever you guys did."
She may have lost her own mother at a young age, but she remembered her being a good mom. Smothering her with love and affection. Hoping she could do the same for her son now. She didn't want to imagine the horrors Carmy, and his older siblings endured. He hadn't told her much. He didn't need to. It was loud and clear that they grew up in chaos.
She reached out to caress his cheek. He leaned into her touch, savoring the peace that she offered so freely.
"I don't hate her. I don't want to feel this way about her either, but I do, Syd. One dinner isn't gonna change that."
"I know. You don't have to reply. You don't need to decide how you feel about her today, okay?"
He nodded. "Thank you."
She smiled and kissed him softly on the lips. She kissed Manny's cheek too; his eyelids were closed again.
"Gonna shower now."
He let her go. Walking down the hall a few minutes after he heard the shower turn on. He laid Manny in his bassinet, watching him slumber. Wondering how his own parents could look at him, his sister and brother and choose yelling and alcohol over them. Wondering why they couldn't just love them. Wondering why their children, their flesh and blood, hadn't been enough for them to conquer their demons.
From the moment he saw his son, something flipped within him. There was fear sure, but it was also a fierce desire to protect him. To keep him away from any harm or danger. And to him, that meant his mother. He wouldn't give her the chance to sink her claws into him. To poison him. But he also didn't want Manny to grow up and resent him. To question not having a relationship with the only grandmother he had.
He swallowed down the worries swimming in his brain, remembering what Sydney had said. He didn't have to decide today.