Chapter Text
…the thing is that Seungmin isn’t even his type, like, physically. He’s lanky and loose-limbed and Felix has never looked at him and thought, Wow I bet if he pinned me down I wouldn’t be able to get out. But even though the joke is that he’s got a concave chest, Felix finds himself staring at the necklace that bounces against it during dance practice one day and wondering if he would wear it in bed if he was asked. But he looks at the corners of Seungmin’s mouth all the time, watching the round way they turn up at the corners when he smiles. But this sensation has washed over Felix like an unexpected wave of nausea, only sweet instead of sickening.
He stares and stares at Seungmin’s hands, constantly fidgeting with something or throwing an imaginary baseball across the room or flapping with excitement, but veiny and pink on the knuckles and big compared to Felix’s. He confirms it when he touches the back of Seungmin’s hand and he flips it to hold Felix’s, just like he always does, like he’s reassuring Felix that he feels him and he’s got him. Only now Felix imagines that hand holding his wrist, tighter than Seungmin normally would. Gripping his thigh. His throat.
He imagines all these things but in the end the thing that really makes his heart swoop in his stomach is Seungmin turning to Felix when he hasn’t said much in a group conversation and asking him what he thinks, Seungmin looking at him first when someone tells a joke. It’s every time he notices him, like he’s special. Important.
They’re at a movie right now. It’s an actual day off for the both of them and normally for Seungmin that means sleeping, but the two of them decided to come out and watch the new Marvel movie so he dragged himself out of bed before 4:00 pm to sit next to Felix in a matinee. The theater’s not too full at this time, but Felix has a beanie on and a mask that he’s pulled down to eat stolen pieces of Seungmin’s popcorn and Seungmin’s got on a baseball cap that he keeps accidentally knocking into Felix’s forehead when he goes to steal them.
“...this movie isn’t very good,” Seungmin whispers.
Felix shrugs, “I like it.”
“I like it too.”
Felix smiles. He looks down at Seungmin’s hand, resting on the armrest between them. Reaching over, he carefully, gently presses his index finger into Seungmin’s palm and watches Seungmin close his fist around it. His heartbeat quickens.
“You have big hands,” he whispers.
“You have small hands,” Seungmin replies.
Felix is glad that there isn’t anyone sitting near them. He reaches over with his other hand and lightly drags the tips of his fingers over the veins on the back of Seungmin's hand. He feels Seungmin’s hand twitch around his.
“Sorry.”
“It’s-” Seungmin clears his throat a little, “It’s fine,” he holds Felix’s finger a little more securely in his hand.
Felix looks back at the movie, but not for long. There’s something more interesting about Seungmin’s face.
It’s completely passive, his lower lip jutting out a little more than the upper, his cheeks soft and smooth.
Seungmin glances to the side at him, “Why are you staring at me?” he asks quietly.
“No reason,” Felix lies.
He drags the thumb of his still captured hand over Seungmin’s, just as an experiment. Seungmin licks his bottom lip and holds it between his teeth, looking back at the screen.
A moment later he asks, “Did you take your ADHD medicine today?”
“Yes.”
Seungmin nods.
Felix gives up staring finally and turns back to the screen, but he leans as far over the wide armrest as he can to rest his head on Seungmin’s shoulder. He immediately adjusts for Felix, letting go of his finger in order to provide the best headrest, and Felix hugs his arm, happy. He lets himself pretend for the rest of the movie that there’s something more between them, and when the lights come up at the end and Seungmin pats the top of his head, he lets the fantasy go, despite the way it sends sparks running down his spine.
“Felix seems more affectionate lately, don’t you think?” Seungmin sighs, shaking his head. “Has he said anything to you? I think he’s lonely.”
Changbin looks at him with his eyebrows furrowed for a moment as he thinks.
“He’s been the same with me,” he says finally.
Now Seungmin’s eyebrows pull together, “No, he’s definitely been like…touchier. And he’s been complimenting me more.”
“That doesn’t sound inherently bad. Felix gives nice compliments.”
“I didn’t say I don’t like it, but since he’s always affectionate with you I felt like I should ask.”
“If anything he’s gotten a little less cuddly-touchy-complimenty with me recently. Not in a bad way, he just seems like he’s getting more independent.”
Seungmin sighs again, “I don’t understand,” he presses his lips together and flicks one of the cards of the delicate card tower Changbin has been building.
The tower collapses and Changbin huffs irritatedly and then yanks Seungmin over, grabbing him in a headlock, “Maybe,” he growls, annoyed, “He just likes you. For some reason.”
Giggling breathlessly, it takes Seungmin a minute to say anything to that, “He- hehehe - he likes all of us,” he squirms in Changbin’s arms.
“Well, he likes you the best.”
Changbin sets him free and Seungmin catches his breath as he laughs to himself before his brain catches up with what Changbin said.
“That’s not true, he likes you the best.”
“Idiot,” Changbin flicks his forehead.
“OW,” Seungmin rubs his forehead, indignant.
“He likes me. He likes you better. That’s why he’s in your dorm and not ours.”
“I…guess so. Okay.”
“For someone so observant, you aren’t very aware of how other people see you, you know?”
Seungmin purses his lips. Hyunjin said something similar once.
Changbin slaps his thighs and stands up, “Do you want fried chicken? Let’s order chicken.”
“Yeah.”
Felix’s hair is fun for this photoshoot, he thinks STAY will really like it. It’s curly and fluffy, and when he leans on the vanity and shakes his head, it moves loosely in a way which it’s often sprayed not to. As he’s smiling at himself in the mirror he sees Kim Seungmin come up behind him. He pauses to touch Felix’s hair gently with the flat of his hand like the curls are soap bubbles he’s trying not to pop. It would be a shame to ruin the hairstylist’s hard work.
“Do you want some chips?”
“No, I don’t want to get puffy right before the shoot.”
“It won’t happen so fast.”
Felix shakes his head again, “It does.”
“Okay, after then.”
He nods.
“Sorry, I’m not trying to bug you.”
“I know, don’t worry. I’m not bothered by you looking after me.”
Seungmin smiles. His hair is fluffy too, he looks handsome in a way that makes Felix’s stomach glitter with butterflies.
Minho sidles up next to Seungmin silently chewing on something, gum probably. He looks down and Felix doesn’t even have a chance to brace before his ass gets smacked hard.
“Ah!”
Seungmin laughs as he’s spared and Minho walks away with the shadow of a grin on his face, rubbing Felix’s butt like he’s trying to help with the pain. Felix laughs and swats his hand away.
He straightens up, “Where’s Chan?”
“Talking to skijigi about the shoot details, apparently they want to add in roommate duo shots since we decided which of us is gonna live together and this’ll come out after we announce it, but it might take longer than expected then.”
“Mm, okay. Yeah, I guess we’ll have moved in by then.”
Felix punches lightly at his own lower back as he looks over at Jisung joking about something with Jeongin and Minho. Jeongin’s got a sneaky look on his face. He feels Seungmin reach over and massage his back a little and looks back to see a worried expression on his face.
He smiles, “I’m okay.”
Seungmin nods and gives his back one more rub before dropping his hand.
Chan walks back into the room with their manager, “They’re ready for us, but it’s going to take about two extra hours total, okay? You can leave once they’re done with you of course. I know Hyunjin had a hard out at 6:00, so you and Changbin can go first.”
There’s a chorus of acknowledgement and everyone gets up to head out to set.
It’s a pretty enjoyable shoot overall. Felix gets handed a real lollipop that he first pretends to lick then actually sucks on while taking direction over where to look and how to position his body while he does his individual shots. He watches some of the others do theirs as well before they’re arranged dynamically as a group, all of them leaning into one another and draping their arms over each other’s shoulders to sort of meld together as one colorfully pleasing blob. He gets to take a look at a few of the raws before they move on, and is struck by how good they all look. He never gets used to the magic the staff pulls off.
Finally they’re separated into their roommate pairings. The eight of them had initially spoken about it a few months ago, moving into separate houses, because it’s something they had to discuss with the company too and they knew right away that the process would take a while. It’s not that they didn’t enjoy living in fours, but the space would be nice, and frankly they’re all full adults now and could use it.
Minho and Jisung also wanted to live together, alone. Understandable, in the years they’d been together it would be a first. Hyunjin and Changbin are as similar as they are different and had actually found their place the quickest, and Chan and Jeongin were the slowest as they’re both type-A individuals who seemed to choose each other fairly naturally but were particular about what they wanted in a home. Felix is sure the fans will think Chan had chosen to be paired with Jeongin to look after him but Seungmin had observantly pointed out to him that it was more likely the other way around, and he had to agree.
Seungmin and Felix would have chosen each other even if the cards hadn’t fallen that way for the others, they’re best friends after all. Felix’s big crush thing will pass.
The two of them are the second group to go, so they sit on the sidelines and watch Hyunjin and Changbin pose whilst intermittently getting the giggles. Felix thinks the pictures they could have gotten of them laughing might be even better than the pictures they’ll actually choose for final publishing.
After Changbin and Hyunjin are sent off, the staff rearrange a few things and Seungmin and Felix step back into the romantic scenery.
It’s kind of an academia concept, warm lighting and bookshelves, lots of flowers to exist slightly out of focus or rest in their hands if directed to, but each of them was given sort of a drama trope to fulfil. Felix was essentially given the role of school slut he thinks, although it was described as “promiscuously intelligent”, like it needs to be put into code for him. His plaid skirt and little sweater vest may not be explicitly suggestive but the lollipop from before definitely was. Seungmin, on the other hand, looks like he was given…some sort of motorcycle riding jock-persona? It’s hard to say what the exact intent was, but that’s how he looks to him. A bad boy basically.
“Let’s have Seungmin lean against the desk and Felix sit on the armrest of the leather chair,” the director says. “Amazing, just like that. Cross your legs, Felix - beautiful.”
The camera shutter sounds in time with his movements.
Snap, snap. Snap, snap, snap.
Felix tilts his head to the side, and then straight, then lifts his shoulder and looks over the top of it as Seungmin is also given instructions.
“Try to look a little mean, Seungmin. Ooh, that’s great. Rest your arm on the back of the chair…okay, now Felix, look up at him.”
Felix looks up. His jawline is perfect even from this angle, his skin warm in tone, his eyes accentuated by his makeup.
Snap, snap, snap. Snap.
“Seungmin, meet his eyes.”
Seungmin makes eye contact and for a moment Felix thinks his heart stops, but then it’s thrumming practically out of his chest.
Snap, snap, snap. Snap, snap.
“Let’s have Felix sit on top of the desk now.”
He gets up and walks over to the desk, feeling Seungmin’s eyes on him as though there aren’t twenty other people in the room also watching. He pushes himself onto the tabletop, letting his feet dangle as he rearranges his face to look into the camera.
“Seungmin, lean closer, you can put your hand next to his leg on the desk.”
Seungmin steps closer and puts his hand down, bumping Felix’s thigh. Felix tries very hard not to look over at him.
Snap, snap…snap…
“Okay, now Felix look over at Seungmin.”
Well.
He turns his head, feeling his lips part and watches as Kim Seungmin’s eyes dip to look at his mouth. He stares for a moment too long, and Felix sees his adam's apple bob. He blinks and he’s looking back into Felix’s eyes.
Felix is trying to calm his breathing so it’s not obvious. He can barely hear the camera shutter anymore. He keeps looking down at Seungmin’s lips without meaning to.
“Felix, move your hand a little back and try to shift this way a bit if you can.”
He does as he’s told, even though it moves him away from Seungmin.
“Yeah, cheat out just like that. Beautiful, just a few more shots and I think we’ll have it. Seungmin, touch your jacket…awesome, and then hands in your pockets, widen your stance a little…Felix, let’s have you match that mean look just to get a little variety. Amazing! Okay…great.” The photographer and director confer quietly for a moment, “Just give us a moment to confirm we’ve got all our shots.”
Neither Felix nor Seungmin looks at the other while they wait.
“Alright! Great job you guys, you’re free to head on home!”
Felix and Seungmin unfreeze, “Good work, thank you,” they say in unison, bowing as they move.
They walk away from the curated scenery. Neither of them says anything as they head behind the set where it’s dark and smells like sawdust, passing by Chan and Jeongin on their way out, the two of them discussing the leather gloves Jeongin is wearing. Chan waves and he raises a hand in response. He can hear them being greeted back on set a moment later, the sound muffled from back here.
“Good job,” Felix says finally, looking back briefly at Seungmin. “You pull off the look really well.”
He’s about to head back toward the green room when a hand grabs his arm, tugging him sharply and making him stumble back toward Seungmin whom he looks up at, shocked by the sudden grab.
“You…look good too.”
“Th-thanks…” Felix hesitates, unsure what to do with Seungmin’s hand still wrapped around his arm.
Seungmin’s expression is hard to read, Felix thinks. He licks his lips out of habit, even though they’re not dry, and watches Seungmin’s eyes drop to them again.
“Are you-”
Seungmin kisses him.
Felix gasps softly and makes a little surprised nmm as his eyes shut without thinking, he reaches to grasp the front of Seungmin’s jacket, kissing him back. His lips are soft, but the kiss is firm and decisive and Felix is flooded with primal feelings that make him weak in the knees like he’s just prey, and he likes it. Seungmin’s hand touches his waist gently and then pulls him closer and keeps him upright as his arm wraps around his lower back and his lips move against Felix’s.
And then Seungmin pulls away. First just his face, and then a moment later his body as he steps back, removing his hands from Felix’s body entirely, almost pushing him away, his jacket getting pulled from Felix’s hands.
They’re both quiet for a moment, breathing hard, and then Seungmin speaks.
“Sorry.”
“No. No, it’s…that was…” He doesn’t know how to finish that sentence.
“We’re friends,” Seungmin says. Felix wants to offer an alternative given that he’s just received the best kiss of his life, but then Seungmin says, “Members.”
And that grounds him straight back into reality.
“Right,” he says. “Roommates.”
Seungmin nods, looking right at him. Felix appreciates that he’s not shying away from him or looking away shamefully. Not that Seungmin’s ever shied away from anything.
“...it was just a friend kiss,” Felix says softly.
“Right. Just,” Here Seungmin’s mouth opens and Felix sees his nostrils flare slightly as the words seem to get stuck in his throat. And then he swallows hard, “Just a friend kiss.”
Felix doesn’t miss how the words feel stilted, but for once he doesn’t approach it head-on, doesn’t try to talk it out or ask for clarification. They stand there and look at each other for a long moment, overly aware of each other, of the sounds of work on the other side of the wall.
He steps closer and hugs Seungmin, “You’re my best friend,” he says resolutely. Truthfully.
Seungmin hugs him back, tightly, “You’re my best friend,” he says softly, without hesitation.
After a long moment Felix steps back and looks up at him, “You promised me snacks,” he smiles, a less than perfect thing.
“Seungmin’s mouth twitches up in a small smile in response, though it’s very small, “Yeah, let’s go get pizza. Chips aren’t enough.”
“Okay. Pizza.”