Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It’s not weird between them in the dorm, if anything there’s not even the opportunity for it to be weird what with there being four of them living in the house and usually at least three of them there if any of them are at home at all, but they haven’t been hanging out that much. Logically Felix knows that they’re busy with schedules and when they’re not they’re usually out of sync, but he still feels it like a loss. Today’s a rare day when Felix is home alone, and it’s because Seungmin and Jeongin are out together and Minho is in some kind of in-person brand negotiation and then he’s going over to meet up with Han. He uses the opportunity to play some games and fold some laundry. He orders food while he’s folding and then eats while watching a Twitch VOD. When he checks the time it’s clear that no one else will be coming home for at least another hour and he walks around the quiet house feeling listless.

None of them are very good without something to do, though usually even resting is considered doing something. They all think of it as one of their tasks, something they need to do well in order to do the rest of their jobs, but anytime Felix has a free moment lately he’s thinking about Seungmin’s lips, how soft they felt, the way they tugged a little at his lips when he’d pulled away. He finds himself wondering what would have happened if he’d chased them, tried to steal another kiss, if he’d have regretted it, if the conversation would have gone differently, if he even wants it to have gone differently.

He stops outside of Seungmin’s room, the door closed. Normally he’s very good about respecting the others’ privacy, especially knowing that he’s one of the clingier members and he lives with three introverts. Obviously he’s never gone through anyone else’s things either, but in an impulse he can’t seem to push away, he opens the door and is suddenly awash in the scent of Kim Seungmin.

He doesn’t do anything, just stands there with his feet barely past the entrance and breathes, feeling some tension he hadn’t even realised he was carrying seep from his body. The room is a soft, pale golden from the afternoon sun coming in through the curtained window and it makes him feel calm. 

Seungmin’s room is emptier than his own but comfortably cluttered right now, some books stacked on the floor next to his bed (which is made but not perfectly made), his nightstand has a few too many bottles of hand lotion and vitamins, a shirt hangs on the rim of his overfull laundry basket. The desk has some various things, music sheets, a couple of CDs with marker titles, photobooth strip pictures of Seungmin and Hyunjin wearing sunglasses in increasingly large sizes in each photo. Next to his desktop computer is a baseball which Felix has seen him toss absently as he thinks, sitting nearer to him than to the window.

Felix steps in just enough to pick it up, it always surprises him how heavy the ball is. He smoothes his hand over the stiff thread and matte leather, browned a touch from use, and then places it back down carefully so it doesn’t roll. As he does so, he catches sight of Seungmin’s open diary and the word Yongbok twice on the page.

He blinks twice rapidly, like each one will erase the sight of his own name, and then quickly backs out of the room and closes the door.

The door shuts and he’s back in the cold, air conditioned hall feeling like he just emerged from deep water, his breath upticked in pace. He wants to know. Desperately. Seungmin was thinking about him, he wants to know what he was thinking and yet it’s none of his business.

Physical therapy, that’s something he has to do, he should go use his foam roller and stretch. That’s what he should be doing right now. 

He focuses all of his mind on that, on selecting which foam roller, on remembering the exercises, on counting how long he’s in each stretch, on pacing his breaths. He’s thorough, and by the time he hears the door open along with the sound of Seungmin and Jeongin’s voices he’s still doing a frogger stretch.

“Lix-hyung, we got you something!” Jeongin’s voice approaches.

Felix looks up in time to catch Seungmin looking at his ass before quickly correcting to his face. It does make him feel a little good.

Seungmin grins and sticks out his hand, “We got you a little guy!”

He clambers out of the stretch and looks at the palm of his hand. In the middle of it is the most pathetic little flat stuffed cat, no more than a few centimeters long. 

He loves it.

“He’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Felix plucks it out of Seungmin’s hand, “Oh he’s got sunglasses!” he looks up, “Thank you.”

“He was only a few won, don’t worry about it,” But Seungmin’s smile is warm and Jeongin is all dimply behind him, pleased that their present went over well.

Felix looks down at his new friend, happy, though feeling slightly pinged by guilt.

Seungmin’s finger touches his forehead, “Don’t worry so much.”

“A-ah…sorry…”

“Why are you apologizing to me?”

“...I’ll tell you later.”

Now it’s Seungmin’s turn to look worried, “Okay.”

“Did you eat, hyung?” Jeongin calls from the other room.

“I ordered something earlier,” he calls back.

Seungmin nods in approval, “Good boy,” he pats Felix’s head and walks away, presumably to unload the many bags he’s carrying into his room.

“Show me what you got after you guys eat,” Felix says.

Seungmin holds his arm straight in the air with a thumbs-up without looking back.

Good boy. Felix is feeling a lot of different things all at once.

***

Later that night Felix knocks softly on Seungmin’s door.

Seungmin’s voice comes through muffled, “What?”

“It’s me.”

“Just a sec.”

He waits, listening to the sound of shuffling. The door opens, revealing a slightly disheveled looking Seungmin without a shirt on.

Felix’s eyes automatically drop to his waistband where it becomes excruciatingly clear with the lack of elastic peeking out from the top of his sweatpants and only the sight of hipbones and…hair…that Seungmin isn’t wearing underwear. He doesn’t dare look down any further.

He forces his eyes up, noticing, even worse, that Seungmin is breathing a little harder than one might expect for laying in bed at midnight.

“Were you…working out?”

Seungmin’s head tips to the side and his eyes slide down and then back up to look right into Felix’s.

“No.”

Felix swallows. He should tell Seungmin to stop. Seungmin already knows he should stop. 

“Can I come in?”

Seungmin hesitates, biting the edge of his lip what looks to be painfully hard, “...yeah. Yeah,” repeats, moving to one side to let Felix in.

Felix moves past him and Seungmin closes the door and then takes a seat on the edge of his bed with his knees spread wide, resting his elbows on them. They stare at each other.

“Are you okay?” Seungmin asks. “Earlier, you seemed-”

“I went into your room while you were gone,” Felix blurts.

“Oh. Okay,” he seems unbothered.

“Your diary was open.”

“...oh.” Seungmin seems more concerned now. “Did you…read it?” 

“No, I. I saw my name and then I left.”

“Okay…” Seungmin says slowly, “Why did you come in my room?”

“I just. Missed you,” Felix’s voice is soft, almost shameful. He already knows.

“Felix…”

“You’re the one flirting,” he mutters.

Seungmin swallows, his adam’s apple bobbing, “I know. I’m sorry, I just…” he blinks, nodding vaguely, and looks at the floor. He looks back up at Felix, “I’m sorry, that’s my fault.”

“I liked it.”

“I…don’t think we should-”

“I don’t either.”

“Okay.”

“...okay.”

“Then,” Seungmin sighs, “We agree, it would be a bad idea.”

Felix groans, scrunching up his face. He walks over and places the knuckles of one fist in the center of Seungmin’s chest. Seungmin looks down at his hand.

“It would be a bad idea,” Felix enunciates. He drops his hand, “It’s not even like-”

There’s a knock at the door, both of them look over.

“Seungmin-ah,” Minho’s voice comes through the door, “I have your charger.”

Seungmin sucks a breath in through his teeth.

“Coming,” he gets up, walks over to the door and opens it.

“Here,” Minho hands over a looped up white cable.

“Thanks.”

Minho glances into the room and sees Felix, still standing in the middle of the room. He looks between the two of them.

“Ah. Goodnight,” without saying anything else he turns and leaves.

“It’s not even like we could do anything,” Felix says under his breath as he moves to leave.

“Felix,” Seungmin sounds…reproachful, with a little touch of desperation.

“I’m not mad at you,” Felix says, making sure to speak quietly with the door open and Minho surely not too far off. “It’s fine, I’ll get over it. We’ll both get over it, it was just…a good kiss.”

The corner of Seungmin’s mouth quirks up. He licks his bottom lip like he’s remembering it, his lips parting in what Felix knows isn’t meant to be a super sexy smirk but certainly comes off that way.

“It was,” Seungmin takes a deep inhale, “A very good kiss.”

Felix can’t help grinning at the compliment.

“Goodnight, Seungmin.”

“Goodnight. Let’s hang out tomorrow, okay?”

Felix nods and walks through the door, risking a glance back when he’s halfway down the hall and seeing Seungmin standing there watching him with an inscrutable expression, fingers fiddling with that sinful low waistband.

“Nice abs,” Felix whispers.

Seungmin grins, “Get outta here.” He slips back into his room and shuts the door.

About a year and a half ago, not long after they moved into the four person dorms, Seungmin went on a date - a real date, not a hookup - with an actor. He was handsome, and sweet. He liked baseball and complimented Seungmin’s shoes. He was, all in all, a very good date.

“This was fun,” he said. “We should go to a Lotte Giants game when you have time.”

Seungmin smiled at him, noticing the way his eyes shone.

“Can I walk you home?” he asked.

“Oh…I have to stop somewhere, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.”

He was taller than Seungmin, broader, more muscular under his nice clothes. Good-looking.

“Sorry, that sounds like an excuse, I really do,” Seungmin laughed.

“Oh,” he laughed too, “I have to admit it did a little bit. Can I walk you until the park then? If you’re going that way.”

“Sure.”

They walked side by side, hands brushing from time to time.

“So you’re going on tour soon then?”

“Yeah, for a couple of weeks this time.”

“It must be fun to meet all the fans.”

“It is, it means a lot that they all come to see us.”

“We do smaller fanmeets sometimes, and it always surprises me how many people care enough to come see me. I can’t imagine seeing so many people at your concerts.”

“Yeah, I never get used to it.”

They stopped at the edge of the park, under a big tree.

“This was nice,” he said.

“It was.”

He clasped Seungmin’s hand and kissed him on the lips.

When Seungmin got home, he shut his bedroom door, crawled into bed, and cried into his pillow.

Seungmin tried. He was a good date. But he wasn’t Felix.

Felix is in Paris for work this week, having been asked to come to the city by Louis Vuitton for a fitting and a photoshoot. He feels very adored here and really likes a lot of the staff, but it’s a business trip and he needs to put his best face forward. He’d have preferred to be at home house-searching with Seungmin right now to be honest, but this is a commitment he’s made and Seungmin understands, they all have obligations.

Nevertheless, when his phone rings in the middle of speaking with Nicolas about his outfit for the fall/winter show, he asks if he can have a moment, knowing that it might be time-sensitive.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Seungmin’s voice sounds on the other end, “I think I might have found a place. There were a couple of other options but this one seems the best.”

“Yeah? It’s in the neighborhood we wanted and everything?”

“Yeah, it’s a little dated but I think with some renovations to the kitchen it could be perfect.”

Renovations mean time and money, an intention to stay there long term.

“Okay.”

“I’ll send you some pictures and videos but I think we should sign quickly.”

“That’s okay, I trust you,” Felix shoots Nicolas a warm smile, knowing he’s waiting on him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, you know my taste, you’re diligent about these things. I have total faith in you.”

Seungmin is silent only for half a moment, there’s a little shuffling on the other end, “Well, okay I’ll get on it then. Everything going well?”

“Mhm, I’m in a thing right now.”

“Oh, good luck. I’ll try to look through as much of the paperwork as I can so you can just sign it when you’re back.”

“Thanks Seung.”

“Mm. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Nicolas looks at him searchingly when he walks back over, “Everything is alright?”

“Yes,” Felix smiles, “Everything’s good.”

Both houses are in absolute mayhem for the next few weeks as everyone starts to pack. The Hyunibini house is the first to be occupied, leaving Chan and Han half living out of boxes without them as 3RACHA continue to work on the new album in the midst of the move. Chan is super organized of course, having figured out exactly what he’ll wear and use up until he and Jeongin get the keys to their new place while Han keeps packing and unpacking things over and over, making the process much more painful than needed and vicariously stressing Chan out. 

Felix and Seungmin are visiting the former 3RACHA + Hyunjin house, sitting on the end of Chan’s bed watching Han run around looking for a charger.

“I don’t think you’d have left it in my room,” Chan says, rubbing his forehead and half smiling ruefully.

“It’s not in my room though!”

“Don’t you have like six chargers?” Seungmin leans back on one hand and then straightens up a moment later and shakes it out. 

“I don’t need judgement!”

Felix laughs, “You’re gonna have to take one of them out again.”

“Oh, like you haven’t packed anything multiple times,” Han grumps.

Seungmin purses his lips, “Actually we’ve been packed up for a week. All our stuff is organized.”

It’s a lie of course, their house is a disaster, the only reason they’re even here right now is because their shared bathroom was so full of things that it wasn’t worth straddling all the stuff to pee. 

Felix grins widely, watching Seungmin play his games.

“Well…good for you!!” Han walks off in a huff and Seungmin glances over at Felix with a smirk on his face.

Felix rolls his eyes and then squints a smile at Seungmin to communicate that it was a good bit while furtively pretending not to like it. Seungmin raises his eyebrows, making a puppydog face like he’s jokingly saying You didn’t like it?

Felix reaches over and smacks Seungmin lightly. Over to the side, Chan is steadily counting out hangers.

“We’ve all set aside time on the 3rd, right?” he asks when he’s done.

“Yep, my schedule’s clear.”

“Mine too.”

“Good, I want to make sure we all get together after everyone’s settled.”

“We’ll be there,” Seungmin replies. “Usual place?”

Chan looks up, “What do you think? We could do someplace a little nicer too, if everyone feels like it.”

“It might be nice since we’re saying goodbye to an era.”

“And welcoming a new one,” Felix adds.

Chan squats down to begin re-sorting all his shoes into their original boxes. He did all this before of course, but neither Seungmin nor Felix comments on his need to repeat the process. 

“Do you think it’s long enough for everyone to feel okay in their new places? I don’t want to rush anyone.”

“Three weeks is plenty, I doubt we’ll all be unpacked but it’s not like we’re giving house tours or anything, we’re just having a drink.”

“And you cleared the morning after as well, right?”

Felix thinks, “I have something at noon…do I need to? Are we doing something else?”

“...um…uh,” Chan hums about something and clicks his tongue. He focuses up, “Sorry- yes, well no, but to allow for hangovers.”

Ever the planner.

“You don’t need to worry about that on our behalf, Channie-hyung,” Seungmin says evenly. “We’ll figure it out.”

Chan looks up, “Just…I know I’m being crazy. For me. Let me overplan this one, before you all stop needing me.”

“Hey,” Felix’s eyebrows pull together, “We’ll always need you.”

“Yeah. We’re lost without you, Chan,” Seungmin says completely seriously.

Chan smiles at them, “Okay,” he says softly. “Still, just-”

“Yes,” Felix stops him. He smacks a palm onto his shoulder and grips it tightly, “We will plan hangover time for you.”

Chan giggles, a squeaky thing, and then hops up and tackles him onto the bed.

“Ahh!! No!” Felix practically screams, laughing. “Get him off me, Seungmin!”

“Couldn’t if I tried,” he snickers.

Chan’s long arm reaches out and clotheslines Seungmin into a hug.

“No!” Seungmin can’t control his laughter. “Fuck off!”

Han’s voice echoes from the hall, “What are you- ?” he stops in the doorway and full belly laughs at the sight, “Oh, you guys are the best. I found my charger by the way, it was in the fridge.”

“Congratulations.”

Seungmin’s voice sounds muffled even to Felix and it only makes him laugh more.

“I’ve got you guys and I’m never letting go,” Chan teases, and Felix can’t help but hug him back. And for all his complaints, he feels Seungmin’s hand on Chan’s back too.

They’re actually a little more unpacked than expected by the time their celebratory/goodbye to an era night rolls around. All things considered, the renovations were relatively smooth and quick. Everyone (their parents and older sisters) told them to expect them to take way longer than the estimate but they actually only took somewhat longer than the estimate and the two of them ended up being the second pair to be able to move into their new place. 

The living room at least is fully set up because they both wanted to be able to comfortably play games together (even though they’re both PC gamers when it comes to serious gaming) and Seungmin wanted to be able to watch baseball on the big screen. The room looks nice. Their couch is a neutral beigey-green corduroy and the coffee table a pleasant honey-toned walnut which complements some of the new wood installations they’d added to the apartment. 

Neither of their rooms are close to done (although Felix’s room is more worse than Seungmin’s who, aside from shoes, has a lot less to unpack in the first place) but there’s a few new plants that live in their wide entryway, one gifted by Hyunjin with the disclaimer that he wasn’t sure about watering instructions but he’d heard it was a type that didn’t take a lot of maintenance. Felix has already taken pictures there for brand stuff that’ll be posted later because it looks so nice. Also, it has nothing recognizable enough to violate their privacy or give anything away about the floorplan of the place. They all know that the less…hinged fans might be able to figure out where exactly they live just with that much information.

Right now they’re both walking back and forth across the unfinished house half-dressed, trying on clothes and showing one another. 

“This top?” Felix asks. He’s wearing a sort of white floral embroidered button down.

“Mm, I like it,” Seungmin sucks a breath in through his teeth, “Is the place we’re going to that nice though?”

“I think so? From the pictures it looked pretty fancy. It’s a speakeasy type-thing, right?”

Seungmin holds up a pair of shoes. They’re black with rainbow lines on the sides.

“I like them, they go better with your skinny black trousers though.”

“Okay,” he starts shuffling through his drawers and boxes. “Let’s split the difference,” he murmurs, “Casual shoes, nice clothes.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

Felix goes back into his room to find trousers that go with his shirt and ends up coming out in a white suit with the sleeves rolled up on the blazer.

He goes over to show Seungmin, “Too much?”

Seungmin holds out his phone to show him a mirror selfie from Changbin and Hyunjin. Hyunjin is wearing dark red slacks and a silky Versace top of the sort he’d normally wear to an event, and Changbin is wearing a black button down that just barely strains at the seams from his muscles with black slacks of the exact shade to match.

“Okay, so we’re all going hard.”

Seungmin nods, “Pick for me,” he holds up two dress shirts, one of which badly needs ironing.

“Is it wrinkly on purpose?”

“No.”

“Then the other one, we’re already late.”

Seungmin looks at the time on his phone, “Oh, shit. Jeongin and Chan will be waiting on us if we don’t hurry up.”

“Jisung will be running behind though.”

“But he’s got Minho with him now.”

“Oh fuck, you’re right. I’ll go get socks,” Felix runs off.

Six frantic minutes later they’re hurrying down the road on foot.

“At least it’s close to us,” Felix pants.

“Yeah,” Seungmin’s arms pump quickly, probably making him sweaty inside his perfect, classic suit, tie swishing. The sneakers got swapped out for dress shoes and Seungmin’s looking like he’s regretting it, “Why the fuck are we rushing for these losers anyway?”

“Because Channie-hyung asked us to do it his way one last time.”

Seungmin groans, “It’s not like we’re actually outgrowing him, he’s so dramatic.” But he grabs Felix’s hand and pulls him faster anyway.

He laughs, “You’re such a bluffer.”

“Never.”

“Liar,” he puffs.

“This way.” 

Felix gets yanked so hard down an alleyway it makes him giggle from the silliness of the situation. In his head he’s flying along like in a cartoon.

“There you are!” Chan says, “Wow, right on time.”

“I hope you’re grateful,” Seungmin folds over with his hands on his knees.

Felix can’t stop breathlessly giggling, “He’s only winded because he dragged me the whole way.”

“You could’ve worked with me.”

“My legs are shorter than yours! I tried!”

“Yooo,” Han appears at the other end of the alley with Minho at his side, both of them looking dapper in silk shirts and slacks as well.

“Hi hi,” Minho chimes in.

They all chorus a hello except Jeongin who is frustratedly speaking on the phone, “Hyung! No, that’s the restaurant, the bar is in the alley - just put Changbin-hyung on please…okay, no you’re right he’ll be worse. Turn toward the ramen place-”

As Felix catches his breath he notices Chan is wearing a cropped vest thing with high-waisted pants that pleat over his hips and a loose blazer, which is probably the most casual outfit amongst them - especially next to Jeongin who is crisply suited in dark almost brown maroon-purple - but is still quite nice, especially with the silver jewelry he’s wearing.

Felix gives Chan a thumbs up, “Nice outfit, very bisexual.”

Chan’s ears instantly go red, “Ah, thanks,” he looks pleased.

“Aha! Found you!” Hyunjin’s voice joins the party.

“Finally!” Jeongin exclaims.

Changbin strolls over casually, a hand in his pocket, “We’re not even that late.”

“Yes, but we were on the phone for ten minutes,” Jeongin whines, “Come on, we’re all here so let’s go in.”

They file in through the unassuming door in the middle of an unassuming plain brick wall with their maknae taking the lead. Inside, a luxurious, modern bar greets them, the music quiet enough for intimacy but loud enough for privacy, the lighting warm and low. Felix is glad he chose to wear the suit.

He looks over at Seungmin and checks out his outfit again.

Seungmin has always been cute, but lately he’s truly handsome, and it’s never accentuated more than when he wears a suit. With his hair actually styled (something he almost never does himself) he looks like a movie star, and Felix has to remind himself that he is actually an idol. It's easy to forget that about themselves sometimes. Seungmin catches him looking and throws a wink without changing the rest of his face.

“Yang,” Jeongin is saying to the hostess.

“Party of eight?” She seems to obviously recognize them but has the tact and training not to mention it.

“That’s us.”

“Right this way.”

After they’re seated, they quickly order their first round of drinks and several small bite plates for the table. There’s talk of all the things everyone’s doing in their new homes, art that’s being hung, furniture being bought, boxes left untouched, and new projects beginning.

The drinks arrive and Chan makes a toast, “To us, to the end of an era, and the beginning of our next one.”

“Here here!”

“Eyy!”

“Cheers!”

“Kampai!”

They all clink their glasses, and drink.

Felix smells good. That’s the first thing Seungmin noticed when they sat down at the table. He hadn’t noticed it when they were rushing to leave the house or out in the open on the way here, but in close proximity, all of them squished together in a cream-colored booth plus a couple chairs around an oval table, it’s impossible not to keep noticing. He’s wearing a light lemon-shampoo sort of fragrance that accentuates the warm soapy smell which naturally comes off of him. 

He looks good too. The top he chose is a little bit sheer; thank god he’s wearing it under a suit jacket but the white coat only serves to accentuate his beauty, the touch of juicy red lipgloss he’d thrown on at the last moment drawing Seungmin’s eye like a hound to blood.

He’d been worrying about these things at the beginning of the night, but about a drink and a half in he finds himself forgetting to worry and starting to enjoy them instead, and suddenly at three drinks his hand is on Felix’s thigh under the table and Felix is smiling bigger and everyone assumes that the redness of his cheeks is due to the alcohol but Seungmin knows that alcohol doesn’t make Felix blush.

Although they’re trying to behave since they’re at a nice place, the bits are silly and the buzz is good. Seungmin’s one of the more observant members of the group but things are getting hazy in a very pleasant way and he finds himself laughing at everything without trying to keep tabs. Then he finds himself moving his hand higher up Felix’s thigh, just because he wants to. The music lulls for a moment and he can hear Felix’s breath catch in his throat and he feels Felix’s hand rest on his own for a moment, but he doesn’t stop him, no he just runs his thumb over his knuckles and bites his lip, that red gloss smearing at the rim of his bottom lip.

He wants to smear it more. He wants to kiss him stupid and make a mess of his pretty, glossy lips, wants to push his fingers in his mouth and watch the way his spit makes his lips glossier, wants to smear it with his-

He squeezes Felix’s upper thigh, hard, to stop his train of thought or to make it run more wild, he doesn’t know.

Felix gasps.

“You okay, Felix?” Hyunjin asks.

Felix swallows, “Fine.”

His voice is faint and breathy but Hyunjin’s happy and drunk and doesn’t mind it, thinking it a consequence of the alcohol maybe or not thinking about it at all.

Seungmin looks sideways at him. He grazes the tips of his fingers over Felix’s inner upper thigh and watches Felix shudder like a shiver’s gone up his spine. Seungmin’s mouth fills with saliva in the same way it does when they’re at a really good restaurant and the smell of the food is only making him hungrier. He swallows and has to look away to catch his breath.

While staying perfectly still, he’s looking at Chan saying something quietly to Jeongin and giggle, and then he feels shy fingers ghost over his hand, heat touching him more than skin. He looks back and sees Felix gazing down at his hand with desperate eyes, so what choice does he have but to squeeze his thigh again?

This time Felix doesn’t gasp but presses his lips together and closes his eyes like he’s seen him do a million times when he gets a good massage or eats something delicious only this time it’s like he’s suppressing something. 

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck.

His nails claw at Felix’s leg through the suiting as he grabs a fistful of the fabric. He can see Felix squirming a little, his eyes a little unfocused in a way that he’s not sure is passable as drunkenness, but Seungmin really can’t bring himself to care. Instead he just stares at Felix’s slightly open mouth and the way he can see a spot of light reflecting off the tip of his pink tongue. It’s not the first time he’s looked, not even by a long shot, but it might be the first time he’s let himself look so openly.

“Seungmin, what are your plans tomorrow?” Changbin’s voice cuts through.

“Sleeping,” His voice responds before he decides to speak, thank god for autopilot. 

“Ahhh, you should come play soccer with us!”

He needs Changbin to stop talking to him right now, he’s got more important things to think about, like the way Felix has started chewing on his lips.

“I think we’re all gonna need to sleep in after today,” Chan laughs.

Jeongin laughs too, “I think Jisung’s already started.”

Seungmin’s been tugging absently on Felix’s pants as he stares but Felix grabs his wrist suddenly, making him jolt. He’s done too much hasn’t he? He’s been stupid, and not stupid in a fun, harmless way.

Felix leans over, pulling him closer with a grip on his dress shirt, the jacket long since draped over the back of his chair, “I need,” Felix’s voice comes low and gravelly in his ear, “You to stop doing that. Or I won’t be able to stand up when we leave.”

He exhales shakily into the shell of Seungmin’s ear. He feels burning hot and it’s not just because of the heat of Felix’s breath.

He nods. And despite what every bit of his body is screaming for, forces himself to let go. He wipes his palms on his own thighs, just for something to do with them.

…

Everyone drunkenly hugs each other goodbye in a way that suggests more than one of them is ready to konk out, though knowing them all, most will probably rally a little once they get back home to debrief or have an extra drink or order late-night snacks. They all shrug their nice jackets back on even though they can’t really feel the cool air with the alcohol in their bloodstreams just so that they don’t have to carry them - except for Hyunjin, whose nose and forehead and neck are all a little shiny. 

After the goodbyes that don’t drag too long, knowing that they’ll see each other the day after tomorrow anyway, Seungmin and Felix begin the short walk back home in silence, not looking at one another.

Halfway through, Felix starts talking, “I think Channie-hyung was right about the hangover day, I’m glad we cleared our schedules. I feel good right now but tomorrow I think I’ll just wanna play video games all day.”

“We could watch a movie too.”

“At home though, once I get out of this suit I’m not putting real clothes back on until we have to go practice on Wednesday.”

“You don’t have to do it then either.”

“It still feels like real clothes because we sweat in them.”

“Is that what makes them real? The sweat?”

“Sure, why not?”

“I do like your big pants.”

“My big pants?”

“The really big sweatpants. But you’re usually in shorts.”

“I’ll consider your opinion next time. But I’m not sure which ones you’re actually talking about.”

“I’ll point them out when we get home.”

“Just let me get outta these clothes first.”

Felix takes in a long inhale of the cool air and then exhales deeply. Seungmin glances at him then back at the buildings in front of them. They turn down the smaller road that leads to their place.

Felix makes a soft humming noise, “It’s chilly.”

“A little bit.”

Felix reaches the front door first and punches in the code. The lock beeps once before clicking open. He pushes the door open enough that Seungmin can catch it and they walk down the hall and press the button for the elevator. It dings right away. They step into the elevator, both leaning against the railings behind them, half-sitting. The doors slide open and they step in front of their apartment door, Felix entering another code. It clicks. He pushes the door open and walks inside and Seungmin follows him, shutting the door behind them as they both kick off their shoes before stepping into the hallway.

Felix still isn’t looking over at him, “Do you think you’re gonna go to bed, or-?”

Seungmin takes a quick step ahead of him, puts both hands on his chest, and pushes him up against the wall with a firm thump. 

Felix looks up at Seungmin with big eyes, his lips parted. He sees his adam’s apple bob. 

Seungmin leans in, slowly, just halfway, and then Felix presses up to break the other half, kissing him with a soft, shuddery breath. Seungmin pushes back into it, his hands landing so naturally on Felix’s waist, squeezing like he spent all night squeezing his thigh. He can feel Felix’s leftover lipgloss smearing under his lips and when he licks Felix’s bottom lip to taste it it’s vaguely sweet, but when he licks again, Felix gasping harshly into his mouth, his tongue tastes so much sweeter, a clean taste that defies the bitter, raisiny tequila he was drinking earlier. 

Felix’s hands grasp at his suit jacket, tugging him closer, and Seungmin almost stumbles but he saves it. In a moment of abandon - as though any of this isn’t - he presses a knee between Felix’s thigh, and that’s when Felix pulls back, his head thunking lightly against the wall as a throaty ahhh escapes his lips like he can’t control it.

Seungmin stares at his exposed neck. 

He bends over to drag his lips along it, kissing as he goes, quickly getting messier and letting his teeth slide against his smooth skin. He can hear Felix letting out soft ah sounds and shaky little breaths and can feel his hands grabbing at his clothes. He pulls back, intending to kiss the other side of his neck, their bodies shifting against each other. 

He pauses.

“Fuck, Felix,” Seungmin mutters under his breath. 

He can feel how hard Felix is already against his thigh and it’s doing dizzying things to his head with the amount of blood suddenly leaving his brain to rush downwards. If he wasn’t already drunk, this would be enough to intoxicate him.

His hands drop lower, squeezing his ass firmly and tugging him forward by the hips, making Felix gasp. When Seungmin kisses him again, harder, Felix moans into it and throws one arm around Seungmin’s neck as the other braces against his shoulder so his fingers can rake into Seungmin’s hair and pull and Seungmin’s breath is coming out all shuddery, inelegant panting into Felix’s mouth as he really truly grasps that not only is he kissing the boy he wants so so bad, but that that boy seems to want him just as badly too. 

Oh god, it pushes through the pain at the back of his head that tells him this is a bad idea, drowns it out and makes him groan when Felix mumbles his name against his mouth. 

All he can think about is the little desperate sounds Felix keeps making and he finds himself pulling away not to stop the way things are going as he probably should, probably would if he was sober, but to breathlessly say, “Come here,” and drag Felix through the house to the one clean and finished room they have and push him gently onto the couch. 

Felix doesn’t even let himself finish being pushed before he drags Seungmin back to him and starts pulling the suit jacket off his shoulders in between kisses. 

“Take this off,” he commands, losing no power to the breathiness of his voice.

Seungmin obeys with clumsy hands, distracted by Felix’s mouth and the way his body wants nothing more than for him to chase it. He manages to peel it off his arms nonetheless, turning the sleeves inside out and throwing the expensive clothing to the side in a rumpled pile. He yanks his tie looser, only bothering to unbutton the top couple of buttons on his dress shirt so he can breathe better and lean away briefly to free his cuffs, rolling them quickly above his elbows before starting to work on Felix’s clothing. His hands are much more coordinated here, smoothly pulling Felix’s white coat off of him and, once again being held close by Felix’s light fists in his shirt that don’t seem to want to detach for long, he simply straddles his lap so he can more easily unbutton that pretty, floral top and expose the well-shaped pecs whose nipples he can already see through the sheer fabric.

Felix is panting, his lips now reddish not from gloss but from Seungmin. His hands slide lethargically down to land on Seungmin’s thighs, his fingers moving almost absently. As Seungmin’s fingers deftly undo the buttons down his torso, he feels Felix’s eyes on him. 

“You’re so hot.”

Seungmin chuckles, “I’m not even your type.” 

“You could be-! I’ve looked at you a lot, and maybe you’re my type now,” Felix sounds flustered and it makes Seungmin full-out laugh at having caught him out.

“I don’t have to be your type, it’s okay.”

“…I still want to lick your chest.”

Seungmin’s fingers stumble. He glances down at his own barely exposed upper chest and then back at the buttons to continue, a little less dexterously than before. 

“Okay,” his tone comes out clipped. 

Felix grins.

“You know, you’re very sexy.”

“I know.”

Felix grins wider, running his thumb and forefinger along Seungmin’s collar. He dips his first two fingers between the the left and right sides of the shirt as Seungmin reaches the end of his buttons, leaving Felix’s torso exposed.

“I’ve always thought you looked handsome with your tie undone like this,” Felix murmurs, staring at the sliver of bare skin. He strokes the tips of his fingers over the divot of Seungmin’s jugular notch, traces them down the top of his sternum. 

Seungmin is very aware of the way his breath is moving his ribcage. Butterflies fill his chest and stomach as Felix hooks his fingers over the top done button. 

He captures the hand in his own. Slowly bringing Felix’s hand to his lips, he keeps direct eye contact with him. When he kisses his knuckles he can see a blush move from Felix’s ears to his cheeks to his neck, spreading all the way down his torso. 

“It’s my turn right now,” he says against his fingers. 

And then he slides off of his lap onto his knees. 

He hears Felix’s breath catch in his throat and stutter. Seungmin looks up at him, slides his hands between his legs and spreads them open to make room for himself, tucks his hands under Felix’s knees and drags him forward roughly. Felix does exactly what he’d hoped and keeps himself upright despite letting out a huff of breath at the involuntary movement, holding onto Seungmin’s shoulders. 

“Good boy,” Seungmin tells him softly. 

A whine escapes from Felix. 

Seungmin looks up at him and tilts his head to the right. 

Oh? 

Noted.

“I like seeing you all red like this,” Seungmin says conversationally before leaning in and pressing a kiss right in the center of his chest. He can hear Felix swallow.

He moves a hand inside the fabric of Felix’s shirt and cups his square pec, rubbing a thumb over his nipple, and Felix buckles over a little with a whimper. 

Kissing him slightly lower, just where his body starts to be a little softer, he continues, “You don’t blush that often,” another kiss, a little lower, “So it makes you look shy.”

“I’m not shy,” Felix’s voice shakes as Seungmin kisses his stomach, sucking a little this time with his mouth in a gentle O. The skin underneath is just a bit red when he lets go and checks.

“What are you then?”

This time when he goes in he uses his teeth and sucks harder, intending to leave a mark.

“I-I’m…I- oh god, Seungmin…” Felix sighs, unfocused. 

The spot he leaves behind is a soft purpley red.

Seungmin pushes his fingers into the top of the waistband of Felix’s boxer briefs, hooking his hand into them such that he can feel the hair underneath, softer to the touch than expected. 

“What are you, Yongbok?” he prompts again calmly. 

Felix squirms, “I don’t know, Seungmin,” he huffs. 

“Hmm.”

He pulls his hand away and Felix makes a pitiful noise. 

“Relax,” he soothes, smoothing his other hand over Felix’s abs, “I couldn’t stop right now if I tried.”

He glances up and can actually see Felix’s pupils blow out wide under his gaze, expanding to nearly the edges of his irises before rubber banding and shrinking a bit. 

Wow…

“Oh,” Felix says quietly. 

Seungmin reaches up to take his face in his hands and pulls him down to kiss him deeply. Felix’s hands touch the sides of Seungmin’s neck as he licks into his mouth with an eagerness that makes Seungmin’s cock twitch in his pants. He weaves the fingers of one hand into his pretty, blond hair and just briefly clenches a fist in it, making Felix moan into his mouth, which in turn makes him moan quietly.

When he pulls away Felix tries to chase his mouth, but he has other things he wants to do down here.

He places a light hand around Felix’s throat to stop him, “I can do more than this with my mouth, you know?” 

Felix blinks. It takes him a moment, Seungmin can basically see the gears turning in his head, but he just waits until Felix’s eyebrows raise, his eyes darting down to really take in the position Seungmin’s in on his knees.

He snickers, slowly sliding a hand up Felix’s inner thigh and tracing his fingertip in the crease at his groin. He can actually see his dick kick through his pants even though Felix is still staring at him with his mouth open like he can’t believe it.

“Oh…”

“Yeah?” Seungmin murmurs, watching to see if his body gives anything else away. “You like that thought?” 

“Seungmin,” he breathes. He looks up to see Felix staring at him with the fire of a thousand suns, “I like that a lot,” he says with a powerful intensity.

It would be funny if it weren’t so arousing.

He should probably hesitate (the story of this whole night) but he doesn’t and instead assertively undoes Felix’s fancy white trousers which seem to have a faint dark spot on the front. He pulls down the zip and underneath his dusty pink boxer briefs are soaked and glistening with pre-cum.

“Sorry,” Felix says, sounding a little embarrassed.

“Don’t apologize. You better know this is hot.”

Felix huffs out a little laugh and then makes an nghh noise as Seungmin touches the wet spot. He pulls his finger away to watch the way it sticks to it, making a filthy thread stretch between Felix’s underwear and his fingertip. God, that’s good.

He rubs his thumb and forefinger together, groaning lowly because he can’t stop himself.

When he pets over the damp spot, slickness gushes through the fibers of the fabric, Felix making a shameless whimpering noise that Seungmin finds unbelievably attractive. He drags his palm over his cock and Felix leans heavily into him, his breathing growing louder in Seungmin’s ear, amongst the breaths he thinks he hears a husky “Seungmin”. 

He bends over and licks - it’s salty, there’s enough pre-cum pooling that he can barely feel the fabric on his tongue - Felix’s hands dig into his shoulders as he whines, his legs pressing in on Seungmin’s sides.

Pleased so far (and growing sticky in his own boxers) Seungmin hooks his fingers into the top of Felix’s waistband with intention this time. He glances upwards and is greeted with an obscene expression on Felix’s face - his lips are parted as he pants, but his tongue is wet and soft looking, almost red from the blush that seems to not only reach his face but the inside his mouth as well. He’s a little shiny too. It’s not hot in their house but he's sweating, a piece of hair sticking to his cheek and another stuck to the side of his neck. His eyes are half-lidded and glazed over as he gazes at Seungmin with obvious want, his pupils dark and intense to look into.

“Oh my god, Felix,” Seungmin breathes.

His eyebrows pull together in confusion.

“You look…” he bites his lip. “...pornographic. And I’ve barely even done anything.”

“Then do something,” Felix says immediately.

Seungmin nods, “Okay.”

He doesn’t make Felix wait, he tugs his boxers down and pulls his cock out. He’s not tiny, but he’s smaller than Seungmin. It’s cute, in a way, and expected given the size of his hands and feet. Without further ado, Seungmin bends over and takes him fully into his mouth.

Felix moans loudly, his hands finding purchase right away in Seungmin’s hair and clenching in tight fists. 

Seungmin’s eyes slide close. Fuck, that feels good.

He pulls back slowly, sucking as he goes, Felix makes a choked sound and pulls his hair harder. Seungmin wasn’t lying about being able to do more with his mouth, and he sets to work proving it, bobbing down and sucking hard each time he comes back up. When his tongue drags particularly roughly over the rim of the head of his cock, Felix’s hands twist sharply in his hair, he moans around his cock and Felix in turn makes a lewd shuddering sound and pre-cum flows over his tongue, salty and a little sweet.

He starts using his hand properly for assistance as his jaw begins to get sore, jerking him off with a tight hand while sucking on the head and licking, and suddenly Felix lets go and grabs his hair tight anew.

“I- oh, oh, oh, mnngh - I’m gonna-mmm-” 

Seungmin hums in acknowledgement, not breaking his rhythm.

“Oh!” Felix gasps harshly. His hands pull roughly at his hair, “Seung-!” he cries out in a whiny, desperate tone as his cock twitches hard against his tongue and spills over it, hot, lots, enough that it starts to drip from Seungmin’s mouth before he’s even done.

He doesn’t pull away until Felix finally collapses against the back of the couch, limp, and gently pushes him off. When he backs away with a mouthful of cum, Seungmin considers for a moment what to do, and then he stands up with his mouth closed, bends over, tilts Felix’s chin up with one hand, coaxing his mouth open with his thumb, and kisses him, parting his lips and letting Felix’s own cum spill into his mouth. Felix groans lowly, swallowing it obediently and when Seungmin pulls back, licking the last of it from his lips and wiping his chin with his hand, Felix looks up at him foggy-eyed, like he just experienced something transcendent. 

“How was that?” Seungmin asks in a slightly rough voice.

“Oh my god…” Felix sighs. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, licking his own lips, before opening them again and saying, “Let me also.”

“Um,” Seungmin shifts on his feet.

“You don’t want me to?” Felix pouts, upset.

“Not that. I just…can you use your hands?” he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

He knows it’s not that weird but. Knowing himself and how often he’s fantasized about how big his dick would look in Felix’s hands makes him feel a little awkward. Not nearly awkward enough to not ask for it though.

Felix tilts his head, processing, and then lights up with a sneaky grin as he figures it out, “Yes, I can use my hands,” he says, sitting up and beginning to undo Seungmin’s belt buckle. His hands falter, “...but you have to take off your shirt for me.”

“You know there’s nothing to see,” Seungmin starts to remove his tie anyway.

“That’s not true! Besides, do you know how much more exciting it is to see someone’s body when they’re modest about it?”

“You’ve seen it plenty,” Seungmin grins at the ground and then at Felix. He tosses his tie onto the suit pile and begins undoing the rest of his buttons.

“That’s not even true,” Felix insists, “I’ve hardly seen it since we moved out of the dorm with all eight of us and it’s-it’s…different now.”

Seungmin’s belly swoops for some reason, “Okay,” he says, “If…if you say so.”

He finishes the buttons and takes his shirt off fully, letting it drop onto the floor. Felix’s eyes drop to his pecs and then his stomach and then back up to his collarbones, gaze darting back and forth between each area like he’s finally gotten permission to do something he’s wanted to do for a long time, his mouth a little open as he stares. He reaches over hesitantly with a hand and touches Seungmin’s stomach, featherlight. His muscles react involuntarily, tensing and then untensing.

Felix makes a soft groaning sound, “You’re so…”

“So?”

“Attractive. You look like you belong in a manhwa.”

Seungmin huffs a laugh, but it comes out breathy and unsupported.

“Anyway,” Felix says, moving his hands back to Seungmin’s belt and looking up with a grin that’s more bright than it is devious as he undoes it. He looks back down as he unbuttons and unzips and then his eyebrows raise as he sees for the first time, even if only through fabric, Seungmin’s size when hard. “Oh…” he says under his breath, lips shaping pronouncedly around the word.

Seungmin’s breathing is shaky as he watches and feels Felix’s hands near him. How many times has he thought about this? Dreamt about it, waking up with sticky boxers and a hollow feeling, but now…

He swallows. This is really happening. This is the real Felix in front of him, pulling the waistband of his underwear down and taking his cock in hand. He jolts a little at the sensitive touch.

Felix glances up but it’s like he can barely tear his eyes away from his dick because they go right back down, “You’re big…” he mumbles.

Seungmin presses his lips together but a moan escapes anyway. Felix looks up again, seeming surprised. He smiles big and bites his lip, leaning forward without breaking eye contact as he sticks his tongue out and flicks the tip over Seungmin’s slit, teasing. 

He gasps, “Oh, fuck.”

“You like that?” Felix asks sweetly, “Does it feel good to see your big cock in my little hand?” 

He lets go momentarily to spit into his hand, a string of saliva connecting from his tongue to the puddle in his hand before he grasps it again.

Seungmin nods, “Yes.”

Felix begins jerking him off, “You look really hot. Kinda like…desperate.”

“Shut up.”

“Do you really want me to shut up?”

“...no.” 

He’s panting a little.

Felix tilts his head, smiling hard enough that his eyes squint into those thin crescents.

“You look really fucking pretty, Felix.”

That makes his eyes go round for a second before turning into smiley crescent moons again, “Thank you. You look like you wanna eat me alive.”

“I do,” Seungmin half-growls through his teeth.

Felix inhales softly through parted lips, “Do that again.”

“Do-” he makes an involuntary noise as Felix speeds up that sounds feral even to him, “-do what?”

“Sound scary like that.”

“I don’t wan-want to- mmph -scare you.”

“I like it.”

“Oh,” Seungmin pants harder, feeling a little dizzy. If he was less turned on he could’ve put that together himself, but the blood is in other places besides his brain right now. “Then next time I’ll be more threatening,” he says without thinking.

Felix’s hand trips in its rhythm momentarily before it picks up even more speed and Seungmin has to grab a fistful of Felix’s hair, just for something to hang onto. He can see his expression melt, like maybe this is what he was after all along, something Seungmin stores away to contemplate later.

“Mmm, just like that,” Felix moans, as though he didn’t already come, “Come on, cum for me Seungmin, I know it feels good.”

Seungmin is making these little unh unh unh sounds that he doesn’t know how to stop, but it does feel good, so good that he doesn’t even care.

“Come on my face,” Felix orders.

He doesn’t know what comes over him, never once has he cum on command, but at Felix’s word he spills, splashing cum not only on his face but all over his chest and neck too with a sharp moan that cuts off halfway through. Felix closes his eyes, basking in it until Seungmin is done and has to grab ahold of his wrist as his hand starts to become oversensitive on him. 

He drops forward, catching himself on the back on the couch with his hand, breathing hard.

“Come on,” Felix murmurs, gently guiding him to sit on the couch next to him, like he’s not covered in cum and has his own stuff to deal with.

Seungmin collapses on the couch and looks at him. He’s a mess. His hair is ruined by Seungmin’s hand, his face ruined with Seungmin’s cum. It’s the most attractive thing he’s ever seen in his whole life.

He takes Felix’s chin in one hand and pulls his face towards him, “Kiss me,” he whispers. And Felix does.

It’s a sticky, lazy, messy kiss, both their eyes sleepily half-closed but open enough that they meet in between. Seungmin’s thumb smears cum across his cheek.

He pulls back, “I’ll get you some tissues in a second. I’m sorry, I didn’t think of like, grabbing any before.”

“Now we know to keep some in the living room.”

Seungmin lets out a breathless laugh, “Sure, that’s the lesson we learned.”

Felix sighs, looking content, “Don’t worry, I’ll go wash up in just a minute. I just…want to sit here with you for a bit though.”

“Yeah.”

They both sit there quietly for a long moment. His mind is finally quiet after weeks. Or maybe much longer.

He reaches over and pulls Felix into another gentle kiss which Felix easily goes along with. When he thinks he should stop, he kisses his cum-sticky lips once more for good measure. Maybe this is the last time he’ll get to do this, he wants to savor it without thinking about the guilt. But actually when he thinks about it he finds that he doesn’t feel any guilt right now, it was too easy, too nice.

“Seungmin,” Felix says against his lips as he’s kissing him a third time.

He pulls away, “Yeah?”

His eyebrows are pulled upwards and together, that unbelievably innocent expression he gets.

“Could. Would it be okay, I mean. Could I-”

“You can ask me whatever.”

“Could I sleep in your bed tonight?” Felix asks very softly.

It would be irresponsible to deny him. How awful would it be to do all of this and then say no, like he’s some cheap hookup? Like he’s a stranger? 

“Yeah, of course you can.”

…Even if he wanted to say no he wouldn’t.

Felix kisses him again enthusiastically and hops up, “Shower!”

Seungmin grins, nodding. He watches him run off. Cute.

He lets himself ruminate in it all for another minute or so and then gets up, he’d better wash up for bed too.