Chapter Text
There were two ways a bad week could end: one, it could get better, or two, it could continually get worse. Unfortunately, the universe didn't seem to be on Yuuji's side this weekend (or week, or month) as everything and everyone left him to slowly spiral.
Choso and Yuki were both out of town, so he couldn't stay with them over the weekend. Fushiguro apparently had plans to go home and visit his family. Yuuta was busy with preparations for his study abroad over the summer semester. Nobara and Maki had tickets to a concert that had sold out ages ago and would be busy all weekend. Todo had tickets to go see Takada. While Yuuji knew if he asked, Todo would find some way to bring him along, he didn't feel like it was the right call to dampen his friend's mood. Even his uncle was busy, travelling for something about knives. Yuuji decided it was best not to ask any further about that.
That left Yuuji alone; everyone was busy with family or schoolwork or something else. He knew it wasn't targeted, but it still hurt being left alone, being left with his thoughts.
Yuuji was restless. He had been for a while now, but once the weekend hit with no distractions, it became so much worse. During the week, his classes and friends provided a barrier between himself and those thoughts. The weekend before, Yuuji had miraculously managed to stay distracted, jumping from one thing to the next. That barrier was gone now.
A silence had settled through the dorm room on Saturday as soon as Todo said his goodbyes, all light taken with him as the door clicked shut.
Yuuji's notebooks loomed from where they sat on the corner of his desk, a precarious pile that taunted him, a weight that somehow settled over his shoulders even when they were placed firmly across the room.
Yuuji had tried to put off thinking about it for as long as he could, tried to put off admitting it. But the semester was quickly drawing to a close, and no matter how much he forced everything down, it came back up again. What was worse was every time the thoughts resurfaced, they returned more violently, growing harder to ignore.
Yuuji finally had to admit it. He was a failure.
Yuuji had promised himself that no matter where his life took him, he would carry out his grandfather's final wish. He would help people as much as he could. His grandfather had said he was strong. Yuuji's grandfather had believed in him.
Yuuji's grandfather had been wrong.
He was failing. He was falling behind. No matter how hard he tried or how much he studied, his grades were abysmal. His classmates all seemed so confident, they all seemed like they knew exactly what they were doing with their life and the exact path they needed to take to reach their goals. Hell, they actually had goals, Yuuji just pretended to. He hated the humiliation of being asked about what kind of shadowing or internships he had lined up, and having to admit that he didn't have anything yet. Some people would look at him with pity, some with veiled superiority, some with shock and concern, as if Yuuji somehow hadn't gotten the message sometime over the past few years.
Most of all, it frustrated Yuuji the way everyone seemed like they knew what they were doing. They all seemed to know what was ahead of them, and Yuuji, despite the guilt that clawed at his stomach, couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. He knew other people had their own things they were working through, had their own struggles and difficulties, so why should he pretend he was any different? Yuuji couldn't blame his failure on anyone other than himself.
Yuuji wanted to chuck his books out the window, turn around, and never come back to this god forsaken university. He couldn't just leave though. He still had Choso, the memory of his grandfather, his friends. Maybe once they knew he was a failure, leaving would be easier for him. Maybe they would even want to leave him first. He could only pretend for so much longer that he was good like them.
Yuuji needed to go somewhere, he needed to do something. To move.
He couldn't go to the music building. He'd get an earful from Maki if he showed up again with blisters from over-practicing. The idea of going to get food made him nauseous. He had long exhausted his movie list and even manga couldn't hold his attention. Studying was off the table. He was pretty sure he'd just end up spiraling even more as concepts grew more complicated and made less sense.
Yuuji needed to run away. Not forever, just for a little bit. Maybe he could trick some part of his brain into thinking he had left his problems behind.
Yuuji spent no extra time considering his options. He took the first train out to the country-side, where trails cut through fields and forests, looping back on themselves so that you could never truly get lost forever. He used to walk these trails more often when he first started university. He didn't have much time to anymore.
The minute his shoes touched the road outside of the train station, Yuuji ran. He ran past confused wildlife and baffled strangers, crossing from paved road, to dirt path, to gravel, and back again. He ran as the sun dipped towards the horion, setting the world alight with a firey glow. Birds sang frantically from their perches, squaking in surprise as their songs were disrupted by quick footfalls and ragged breathing.
Yuuji ran as his throat burned, pushed through the aching in his feet and legs, he ran as sweat dripped down his face and into his eyes, whisked away quickly by a warm breeze. Through it all, through the pain in his body and racing of his heart, Yuuji's mind became mercifully quiet.
The sky was dark by the time he slowed his pace, stars dotting the massive expanse of blue above. Yuuji's breath came in labored gasps, hands on his knees as he stared blindly at the ground beneath his feet. Sweat rolled slowly down his face, stinging his eyes and dripping off his nose onto the dry earth below.
Yuuji collapsed slowly onto the ground, legs protesting as he half-sat half-fell backwards. His arms refused to support him, so Yuuji lay on his back, staring up at the stars above. Sweat soaked his hair and shirt, both clinging to him uncomfortably and shifting with every movement. Yuuji dug his fingers into the compacted soil beneath him, grounding his mind and body. Even in the warmth of the spring evening, it was blessedly cool.
Yuuji hadn't run away like this in ages, not since before his grandfather died. He had been hoping he could outrun death then. He had failed. Now he was trying to outrun life, outrun the passage of time. He failed again.
Looking up at the stars, Yuuji felt insignificant. He was nothing but a tiny particle in the broad expanse of the universe. Somehow, it felt comforting and terrifying at the same time. If he didn't matter, then his mistakes and failures wouldn't either. If he didn't matter, then what was the point of staying around? Was it selfish to want to live even though he failed the task he had been given? Was it selfish to want love? If the universe was so big, did it really matter if one person was a little selfish?
He could imagine his grandfather's face looking at him in disappointment, eyebrows always drawn downward to make him look angrier than he actually was. Smiles from him had been rare, but Yuuji had learned to read the minute shifts in his expressions that indicated his true feelings. Maybe that's why he could read Fushiguro so well too. He'd had practice.
What would Fushiguro think of him? Would he be disappointed too? He was so smart and talented, and all Yuuji was doing was falling behind. He would finally see Yuuji for the failure he was and decide Yuuji wasn't worth his precious time. He still wasn't sure why Fushiguro bothered to hang around him now.
Yuuji's sweat was beginning to dry as his breathing slowed, leaving behind an uncomfortable layer of salt across his skin. A small part of his brain, the logical part, yelled at him to check the time, to figure out where he was, to get home, get water, but it was still drown out by the overwhelming sound of his heartbeat and the thoughts of escape and failure.
A breeze blew gently through the branches above him, gently shaking new foliage. Yuuji could almost make out the sounds of voices in the rustles; intelligible whispers about the boy collapsed on the ground.
Yuuji heard his name through another gust of wind. Maybe he was actually delirious now. He was definitely dehydrated and tired, but Yuuji hadn't expected to have auditory hallucinations.
The sound was repeated, growing steadily closer. It was unmistakably someone calling his name. But who would it be if not a ghost or hallucination? Everyone Yuuji cared for was gone.
Now Yuuji could hear footsteps crunching against the earth along with the calling. He recognized that voice. He should sit up, he really should, but Yuuji's entire body felt like lead, requiring monumental effort just to turn his head toward the sound.
"Yuuji!" Nobara cried, footsteps quickly growing closer as she ran towards his body, which lay unmoving against the ground with the exception of the rising and falling of his chest. A second pair of footsteps followed behind Nobara's, quickly catching up.
Yuuji almost couldn't believe it as he saw Nobara's face appear above him, illuminated by stray light from her phone flashlight. Her expression was a mixture of fear and relief as she bent down to get a better look. Maki appeared on his other side, frowning in concern as she looked him over.
"Yuuji!" Nobara called loudly, waving her hand over his face. She definitely just said something that he had missed entirely.
Yuuji opened his mouth and attempted to say "yeah", but ended up just making a near intelligible sound as the air scratched against his unbelievably dry throat. Nobara let out a short breath of relief at the response, before her eyebrows drew together.
Maki bent down on the opposite side of Yuuji from Nobara, cautiously poking at him in a careful, but clearly experienced manner. Well, she was probably doing more than just poking, but Yuuji didn't really have the energy to think about that right now.
"Yuuji," Nobara tapped his shoulder, making him look back at her, "Are you okay? You can just shake your head yes or no if your voice is fried."
Yuuji tried speaking again, and a slightly better, but still intelligible sound came out again. Giving up rather quickly, he simply nodded yes. His head felt unbelievably heavy, even as it rested against the ground.
Nobara let out an annoyed sigh. "Trick question. You clearly aren't."
Yuuji wanted to argue with her but honestly he had no way to or right to do so. He was laying on a dirt path in a forest in the middle of nowhere at…some time during the night, he wasn't really sure. That didn't exactly scream "okay".
"Are you drunk?"
As much as Yuuji wished they hadn't found him during his late night breakdown escapade, he figured lying would only make things worse. Both Nobara and Maki knew too much about drunk people, specifically drunk Yuuji, for him to successfully lie. He shook his head no.
"Did you take something or did someone give you something?"
Again, Yuuji shook his head no.
"Are you hurt?"
No.
Nobara's frown deepened, looking away from Yuuji to Maki.
"I don't think he's drunk and his eyes and breathing both seem pretty regular." Maki spoke quietly.
Yuuji cleared his throat, which was incredibly painful being as dry as it was, before trying to speak again, keeping it short with his limited energy. "Ran."
Maki and Nobara both snapped their heads over to look at him. "Ran?" Nobara asked, staring down at him in confusion. Yuuji nodded and slowly began moving, arms feeling like noodles as he attempted to push himself into a sitting position.
"Ran from where?"
"Or who?" Maki stood up quickly.
Yuuji shook his head no again as Nobara helped him sit up. "Around."
Nobara and Maki looked at each other silently, eyes narrowing.
"Let's get you back to the car." Maki said at last, pulling Yuuji to his feet. Well, kind of to his feet. Yuuji couldn't help but feel embarassed as his legs attempted to collapse underneath him the minute he tried putting any weight on them. Yuuji silently thanked the universe that someone as strong as Maki had come as she carried most of his weight while he attempted to walk along. He had no idea how far he was from any bus or train station, but the trek back would not have been easy alone.
After a silent, but mercifully short walk, the group reached Maki's old car, pulled over on the side of the road next to a poorly marked trailhead. Yuuji's muddled and exhausted brain was having trouble figuring out how they had found him.
Maki carefully maneuvered him into the back, where he collapsed across the row of seats, eyes closing against the lights of the car as the engine sputtered to life.
Maki and Nobara sat up front, mercifully letting Yuuji have the backrow to himself, as well as peace and quiet. They whispered back and forth briefly, before Yuuji heard some rummaging and a triumphant "Found one!" from Nobara.
Yuuji felt something knock against his shoulder gently. As he opened his eyes, a disposable water bottle was illuminated by soft light from the radio. Nobara held up the half-empty water bottle, looking only mildly sorry. "Drink." She ordered.
Yuuji grabbed onto the bottle with shaky hands and slowly took a sip. The water soothed his throat and mouth, and Yuuji quickly chugged the rest of it, plastic crinkling under his hand.
"Well there goes the last of your emergency water." Nobara mummured to Maki, glancing back at Yuuji with narrowed eyes.
"I think this qualifies as an emergency. I'll just replace it once we get back."
"Where are we going?" Yuuji croaked, finally able to get a few words out.
"Ah, he speaks!" Nobara turned in her seat to look more fully at the dishevilled man in the back.
"We're headed back to my apartment for now." Maki answered more helpfully, not taking her eyes off the road. "Depending on how bad you seem in a few hours, we may take a little trip to the doctor."
Yuuji's eyes widened as he weakly pushed himself up. "I'll be fine, you can just take me back to my dorm. I don't want to bother you two."
"Absolutely not." Nobara cut in. "I'm not leaving you to fend for yourself in a dorm after running for, my best estimate, at least five hours."
Yuuji frowned, fog clearing from his brain for long enough to manage a coherent train of thought. "How do you know how long I was running for?"
"I tracked your phone. Thankfully it seems like it went dead not long before we found you so we didn't have to search the entire forest."
Another question suddenly popped into Yuuji's head as he scrambled to pull his phone out of his pocket. As he pressed the power button the screen briefly flashed a red battery icon before going dark again. "Shit." He muttered, leaning back into the seat.
"You can charge it once we get back to the apartment." Nobara said, noticing Yuuji's discomfort. He hoped no one had called him for anything important. He was usually so good about responding, but if Nobara was right…
"What time is it?"
Nobara checked her own phone quickly. "A little after two. Why?"
Yuuji cursed himself. "I just really lost track of time."
Nobara glanced back at him again, eyes reflecting the dashboard lights as she studied him with concern. "Are you going to say why you were so distracted?"
Yuuji knew it was less of a question and more a requirement. Nobara cared a lot more than she let on, but she also refused to put up with his tendency to avoid addressing whatever he had going on and had done so since high school. "After some water and a nap?"
Nobara narrowed her eyes, but after a few tense seconds, she nodded. "Fine. I'll be nice tonight since you look pretty rough."
"We're still a little ways out if you want to sleep for now." Maki said, focused on the dark road ahead of her.
Yuuji nodded, then, realizing she probably couldn't see his response, spoke. "Alright. Thanks for picking me up."
Maki hummed, as if this were nothing more than her driving him back home after dinner or a concert. Speaking of which…
"Wait," Yuuji shot back up, or at least attempted to, half succeeding as he pushed himself up with his elbow, "weren't you still supposed to be at that concert?" He felt horrible for dragging them away from something he knew at least Nobara had been looking forward to.
Nobara waved her hand dismissively. "We saw the sets we really wanted to. The artist that we wanted to watch perform tomorrow got sick anyways, so we decided to come back early." Nobara eyed Yuuji in the backseat. "I'm glad we did. Not sure how you would've gotten back otherwise."
"Ah—"
"Don't you dare apologize." Nobara cut off Yuuji's protest. "I don't give a shit about losing eight thousand yen and not seeing a few crappy bands. I do, however, want to make sure my idiot of a friend doesn't die out in a forest."
Yuuji settled back into the seats, aware that any further arguments would be in vain. The seatbelt dug uncomfortably into his side, but Yuuji was too tired to do anything about it. Despite his exhaustion, a part of his brain was still trying to process everything. Had he really been out for so long? He remembered looking at the clock as he got off the train, around six-thirty. He had definitely started running not long after that, which meant he had been out for probably over seven hours. No wonder he felt terrible, he hadn't even taken a single break as the hours had blurred together.
The soft hum of the car was soothing as Yuuji slowly began drifting in and out of consciousness, physical exhaustion overtaking any other personal need or desire.
*******
Yuuji wasn't sure how much sleep he had gotten when he woke up to the sudden absence of the sound of a car engine. Blinding lights from behind his eyelids and the rush of uncomfortably cool air had Yuuji throwing his arm more tightly over his face.
"Come on." Maki pulled gently at his arm. "We'll get you inside, then you can rest."
Yuuji let out a tired groan, but complied, unfastening his seatbelt, and letting Maki help guide him out of the car. He was embarrassed to have to lean most of his weight on her shoulder as she helped him stumble inside her apartment and collapse onto a familiar couch. This wasn't the first time this kind of thing had happened, but it was the first time he was completely sober while doing it. Yuuji honestly wished he had had something to drink; he would've preferred to be less aware of everything happening.
He heard clinking and quiet voices from the kitchen. He heard Maki's voice from beside him. "I'm leaving you some water and ibuprofen. Feel free to get food from the kitchen if you need anything."
Yuuji let out a quiet, "Thanks.", more groan than a defined word. Maki seemed to understand the sentiment, and patted his arm before heading deeper into the apartment.
A couple minutes later, Yuuji heard the sound of slightly louder footsteps approaching him. He lifted his head slightly to look up at Nobara. "Phone." She ordered, hand held out expectantly.
Yuuji complied, shifting slightly to get his phone out of his pocket. Nobara took it, and plugged it in, placing it on a table nearby. "Don't you dare leave." Was all she said before following after Maki, switching off the kitchen light as she went.
Yuuji stared at the ceiling, a sliver of light from outside illuminating a small patch of the room. A part of Yuuji's mind told him to readjust to a more comfortable position, but his limbs felt like lead.
Yuuji knew he should check his phone, but everything just felt impossibly heavy. He could feel his blinking slow, breath evening out even as he tried to think of an excuse to give Nobara in the morning. He was just so tired, and the couch just felt so soft, and the room was just cold enough to be comfortable. Yuuji's eyes drifted shut.
********
Yuuji woke to the sound of clattering from overhead and quickly sat up, immediately regretting it as his head throbbed in protest. He felt like shit. His throat and mouth felt like sand, unbelievably dry and uncomfortably scratchy. The light creeping through the blinds felt like it was personally attacking his eyes, making the ache in his head even worse. Yuuji elected to keep his eyes shut for the moment.
He swung his legs over the side of whatever he was lying on to feel cool wood beneath his feet, cushioned by a layer of fabric. Why had he slept in socks? His heel hit something hard and cool. Yuuji cracked his eyes open to look down at his feet, finding a glass of water right next to his foot (thankfully not spilled all over).
Memories of the previous night flooded back to his mind, and Yuuji's shoulders curled in with shame as he realized where he was. Crashed on Maki's couch on a Sunday morning after she and Nobara had dragged him in from the forest like a lost pet. Yuuji was tempted to flee and avoid talking to Nobara and Maki for as long as possible, but he was confident Nobara would break down his dorm door if he tried escaping.
With a quiet sigh of acceptance, Yuuji stooped down and picked up the glass, hand trembling slightly. He emptied it quickly, sighing in relief at the feeling of the room temperature water coating his mouth and throat. Yuuji glanced around the apartment, more conscious of everything as his mind began waking up. The apartment was quiet, so he wasn't sure whether or not Maki and Nobara were awake yet. Heavy footsteps could be heard from the apartment above, shaking the ceiling. It was probably the upstairs neighbors that had woken him up then.
With a quiet groan, Yuuji stood from the couch, taking a moment to catch his balance as his knees attempted to fold under him. Slowly, he stretched his legs, letting his knees and ankles pop before trying to walk again. Thankfully, he managed to make the short walk to the kitchen, quickly refilling the glass from the sink. He downed a few more cups of water before refocusing on his situation, leaning against the counter as he thought.
As Yuuji began taking stock of his physical situation, he realized his stomach felt uncomfortably empty; he hadn't really eaten since lunch the day prior. Yuuji glanced around the kitchen, but unfortunately found no obvious food left out. He vaguely remembered Maki telling him he could eat whatever, but Yuuji still felt bad about raiding her kitchen, even if his stomach was trying to eat itself. He settled on returning to his spot on the couch for now, and hoped Maki or Nobara would show up for food soon themselves.
Now that Yuuji's focus was no longer dominated by an ache in limbs and his need for water had been satisfied, he grew more aware of everything else going on. The sweat he had worked up the night before had long since dried, leaving both his clothes and skin feeling weird and almost itchy. He prayed he didn't smell too horrendous. Even if Maki was well used to it, Nobara would certainly complain, and Yuuji would honestly feel bad for stinking up their apartment. He desperately needed a shower, but, once again, he was going to wait until one of the girls showed up to do anything about that.
His entire body felt stiff and sore, while his legs were certainly the worst off, barely wanting to move or support his weight. There was also a faint ache in his spine, possibly just from sleeping weirdly on the couch.
Yuuji glanced over to his phone on the table beside him, mercifully sitting upside down so he couldn't actually see the screen if there were any notifications. He would have to face it soon. Yuuji almost always replied within an hour, and a long silence from him without warning might concern some people. God, he hoped Choso hadn't called or texted. He would probably be losing it with worry if Yuuji went silent on him randomly. With a sigh and a prayer to whatever god may be out there, Yuuji unplugged his phone and flipped it over to read his notifications.
As expected, there were several messages from various people, most of them didn't seem all that important, just things sent to some group chats he was in. There were several missed calls and texts from Nobara (and a few from Maki too), though those were all from the previous night, likely from before they found him. Thankfully, nothing he had missed seemed too urgent. There were a few notifications announcing that the grades for certain assignments and exams had been released, and Yuuji made sure to delete those, not ready to face that quite yet. Near the bottom of the pile sat a text from Fushiguro. Yuuji had the decency to feel only slightly embarrassed as he scrambled to open it, cursing himself as he realized the timestamp read over twelve hours ago. He never took that long to reply.
Fushiguro:
Hey, do you want to get food together and chat sometime this week?
Yuuji's heart rate sped up and he fought to keep a smile off his face. Fushiguro never texted him to ask him to hang out, it was always the other way around. Yuuji typed out his response quickly.
the elusive fushiguro asking me first?! is he sick?
id love to! are you free on friday at all? we could get lunch since i think most of the usual friday lunch group are busy
Yuuji began looking through his other messages to see what else he should respond to when another message from Fushiguro came in, just a couple minutes later.
Fushiguro:
That works for me. Maybe we could try the new store near the east side of campus, then just go for a walk. The weather should be nice.
sounds good! see you in lecture tomorrow!
Yuuji's legs practically groaned in protest at the idea of walking anywhere, but Friday was an entire five days away, and the idea of getting to talk with Fushiguro always made him excited. He could ignore almost any level of discomfort for the man. Nobara would likely call him pathetic for it, but he had witnessed her falling for Maki first hand. She certainly wasn't much better.
As if on cue, Yuuji heard shuffling from down the hall, followed by soft footsteps. Nobara emerged into the living room, blinking against the sunlight that streamed through the window shades. Her hair was messy, not yet brushed, and she still wore the clothes she had slept in, a large t-shirt she had stolen from Maki and a pair of comfortable shorts (also likely stolen from Maki). Her gaze quickly landed on Yuuji and her eyes narrowed.
She pointed a finger forcefully at Yuuji. "First, we are going to get caffeine in me. Then, you are going to talk." Her voice was slightly groggy from sleep, but it still held undeniable force. Yuuji nodded, and let her pull him along through a morning (well, technically afternoon) routine. Mercifully, she let Yuuji shower before assaulting him with questions, stating that she herself also needed a refresh before tackling everything.
As promised, once Yuuji had showered and Nobara was on her second coffee, they sat down in the living room. Nobara lounged comfortably on the sofa while Yuuji slumped down in a chair, moved to sit across from Nobara like this was an interrogation.
"I'll start with the easier questions for both of us since my brain still hurts from last night." Nobara began, taking an aggressive sip of her coffee before begining. "How long were you running for?"
Yuuji frowned, recalling the events from the previous night. "Probably about seven hours if you found me a little after two."
"Damn." Nobara seemed both legitimately impressed and deeply concerned. "I'm going to guess you didn't decide to just start practicing for a marathon for fun and games." Yuuji remained silent in response.
Nobara let out an annoyed sigh. "Don't get too angry at me or whatever if I hit a sore spot. If you're not going to help me, then I'll just have to try everything. Possibility number one:" She held up a single manicured nail. "Fushiguro." She immediately raised an eyebrow as she studied Yuuji for any kind of response.
"No, not really him specifically…" Yuuji answered awkwardly. He had certainly thought about the black haired man the previous night, but that hadn't really been something that started him running.
Nobara hummed in disappointment. "He's connected to just about everything in your psyche at this point in time, but I'll take your word for it that he's not the primary culprit. Alright, option two: Sukuna."
Yuuji frowned in confusion. "Why would you think it would be his fault?"
Nobara shrugged. "Just have to cover everything. I know he's gotten to you before, so I can't necessarily count him out immediately."
While the things his uncle said had gotten to Yuuji when he was younger, he hadn't really tried antagonizing Yuuji much recently. Not since he started college at least. Sukuna had a sharp mind and tongue, but he had gotten better about not attacking Yuuji too personally. He saved up his strongest material for when he really wanted to get a reaction out of Yuuji.
"He's not as bad as he used to be."
"If you say so."
"Alright then, your music stuff?"
Yuuji shifted his weight where he sat, figiting with his hands. "Not really." In all honesty, it had been stressing him out.
"Liar." Nobara said flatty, continuing her questioning. "If it's not this, then I might have to start grasping for straws. Is it related to school?"
Yuuji paused his figiting, and nodded. He wasn't sure why he made her guess anyway. She would find out soon enough.
She hummed, resting her chin in her palm as she studied Yuuji's reaction. "I figured."
"How?"
"You used to love telling me fun facts about the things you learned in your classes. Well," Nobara grimaced, "not all of them were necessarily fun for me, but you used to at least tell me things. I can't remember the last time you even mentioned a single one of your classes outside of the chemistry stuff you have with Fushiguro." She let out a loud sigh, tilting her head in thought. "I would've expected for you to at least come to me to complain about a group project by now, and maybe I thought for a bit that it was just because you were too nice to bitch about anyone, but it's definitely more than that."
"Maybe I just haven't had anything interesting to say about them." Yuuji defended weakly, knowing he had already lost.
"In your major? No way there's nothing interesting going on." Yuuji's shoulders tensed subconsciously as she brought that up. The idea of a major. The concept of a plan for your own life.
Nobara remained silent for a moment as she studied him, before standing from the couch. "I'm going to need more caffeine if I'm going to get through this. You want anything?"
Yuuji watched her trail her way over to the kitchen, comfortable in every movement like this might as well be her own apartment. She poured herself a fresh mug of coffee, fixing it like usual before turning to look at him expectantly. "Well?"
"I'll have a coffee if there's any left."
Nobara nodded, pulling a mug out of one of the cabinets and pouring a generous amount of dark coffee into it. She added a dash of milk and sweetener expertly. Surprisingly, when she handed it to him it tasted really good. She must've added some kind of flavoring as it tasted faintly of hazelnut.
"What?" Nobara said, watching the shift in Yuuji's expression. "If you're going to have such little belief in my abilities as a barista I might as well just take it back."
"No, no." Yuuji said, more frantically than necessary as he hugged the mug towards his chest. "I just wasn't sure what to expect."
Nobara scoffed, but didn't move to take the mug, returning to the sofa. "Alright, back to you." She sunk back, legs crossed lazily as she studied him. "I mean this with all the love in my heart Yuuji, I really don't think premed is for you."
Yuuji's eyes fell back to the liquid in his mug. Sometimes Yuuji appreciated Nobara's bluntness, sometimes it hurt more than he'd like to admit.
"Before you start blaming yourself and spiraling," She hesitated for a moment, frowning, "though I'm guessing it's too late for that based on the events of last night…anyway, before you continue spiraling, I'm saying this as someone who knows you personally, not as some stuck up kid who only ever sees you in class." Yuuji wasn't sure if that was more comforting or intimidating.
"I know you. I know the kind of person you are, and I know what you're capable of. I also know a lot of other people across a lot of majors. I know a lot of idiots in premed too."
"And this is supposed to help me?"
"Shut up, I'm trying to be nice to you today." Nobara huffed. "As I was saying, I know a lot of people, and I know you. And, I'm just going to say this bluntly to get through to you, I think if this is something you really wanted, you would make it work. I'm not saying you would take the same path, or have the same career in mind, but I think if you really wanted to go into the medical field, you would find some way to make it work. You have people to talk to, you know how to use your resources when you want to. I've seen you throw your all into your hobbies, music, activities, whatever." Nobara stared directly into Yuuji's eyes as she dealt the final blow to Yuuji's attempt at delusion. "Why are you doing this? What is it for?"
Yuuji remained silent, staring down at his hands where they gripped the mug tighter to prevent them from shaking.
After a long silence, Nobara sighed. "You don't have to tell me about it or whatever, but," she jabbed a finger towards Yuuji, "I don't want you going on a seven hour run in the middle of nowhere just because your too dramatic to talk to anyone about it."
Yuuji opened his mouth to protest when Maki emerged from the hallway, footsteps nearly silent as she came to lean over the side of the couch. She planted a kiss against Nobara's cheek, before turning to look at Yuuji. "Feeling better?" She asked, looking him up and down as though assessing him for any major injuries.
Yuuji nodded, reddening in embarrassment, now faced with the fact that his stupid actions had affected multiple people. "I'm sorry—"
"Don't be." Maki waved her hand casually. "We were out anyway, and I've had far worse. At least you didn't throw up in my car."
Yuuji dropped his head into his hands. "I'm so sorry about that."
Maki snorted in amusement. "You're fine. Most of it was outside the car anyways."
Yuuji wished he could sink further into the couch cushions as Nobara laughed. Maki was feeling merciful enough to redirect the conversation. "Let's get breakfast."
"Can we order takeout?" Nobara asked, looking up at Maki. "I don't have the energy to try to look nice today."
The corner of Maki's mouth turned up in a smile as she leaned further towards Nobara. "You always look beautiful. That said, I don't feel like getting dressed to go out either."
Yuuji couldn't help but feel an ache in his chest as he watched the two interact. He was happy the both of them were so happy together. Nobara, his best friend since highschool, deserved a good relationship, and Maki deserved a good life, having finally escaped her family's strict traditional values.
Still, he couldn't help the longing he felt as a part of him wished that could be him and Fushiguro. Their comfort and closeness. The way they could look at each other without having to hide their feelings. It was impossible, of course, but that didn't stop him from dreaming.
Nobara nudged his leg with her foot, looking at him judgementally as he realized he had missed whatever she must've just asked him. "Come on dude, I know you've got a lot going on in there right now, but you can at least zone in for long enough to order food."
"Oh, sorry, do you have a menu?"
Nobara snorted, rolling her eyes as she handed her phone to him.
Yuuji truly appreciated Nobara. For all her attitude, she was truly a great friend.