Chapter Text
My hair waved back and forth. The higher I got, the harder the wind rushed past me. I swung my legs harder every time, making the swing go higher and higher. I told my friends at school that I could make it go all the way around. They told me I couldn’t, so now I was determined to prove them wrong. I didn’t know how long I had been in the backyard, but I could tell I didn’t have much time left before dinner. The sun was starting to go down and the garden lights had turned on, so I needed to hurry. I pumped my legs faster and faster and then—
Snap.
Before I could react, one side of the chain broke and I was launched straight into the wooden bar. I fell maybe four feet and felt the wood slam painfully into my stomach.
No crying, I told myself. You’re a big girl. Big girls don’t cry. I slowly stood up and touched my head. I winced when my fingers brushed against it, and when I pulled my hand away, there was blood mixed with dirt on my palm. I started walking toward the house, tears burning in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. No. I was tough. I was big.
By the time I reached the back door, I was stumbling more than walking. I had to pause for a second as my vision blurred.
“Малыш?”
I opened my eyes. It took a moment for everything to focus again, but once it did, I saw my mother’s worried face.
“Nadia! Малыш, are you okay?”
She quickly picked me up and sat me down on one of the wobbly wooden kitchen chairs.
“Yes, Mama,” I muttered quietly, thinking about how she called me Малыш right after I had tried so hard not to cry like a little kid.
“What happened? Why are you bleeding? Are you hurt?”
“No, Mama. I just fell off the swing.”
“Baby…”
She wet a towel in the sink and grabbed an ice pack from the freezer.
“You need to be more careful next time.”
“I couldn’t do anything about it. I was just swinging when the chain broke.”
“That Дурак,” she muttered. “I told your father to fix that thing.”
She pressed the cold towel gently against my head.
“Go rest on the couch, Nadia. I’ll set the table. Your father and sisters should be home from football any second.”
I walked over to the couch, holding the ice pack against my stomach while balancing the damp towel on my head. Stupid swing. I was going so high, and now it was broken. How was I supposed to go all the way around now? Dad probably wouldn’t fix it before summer ended, which meant I’d have to use the swings at the playground three streets away. But there was no way Mama would let me go there alone.
I was still thinking about how unfair my life was when the front door slammed open.
“No, I told you she cheated! She kicked Zoey and then she fell, that’s why they scored! Dad, tell Natasha you saw it too!”
“That didn’t happen,” Natasha argued. “Zoey fell over her own shoelaces because she’s stupid. Your team sucks—”
“Girls, enough!” Mama shouted over them. “Nobody sucks. All that matters is that you had fun. Now get over here and help set the table.”
I watched as they both dropped their bags onto the floor before grabbing plates and glasses from the cabinets. Dad walked in a moment later.
“Good evening, Любимая. How are you doing?” he asked, pressing a kiss to Mama’s forehead.
“Wonderful, Alexei,” Mama sighed sarcastically. “Could you maybe calm the girls down before they walk through the door next time? Work was stressful enough already, and with the children home for the summer it’s just… a lot.”
“Alright, Любимая, I’m sorry. I will next time. I will.”
Then he looked around the room dramatically.
“Speaking of children… where is my Малыш?”
I immediately ducked lower into the couch cushions so he wouldn’t see me. If Dad noticed me, Natasha and Yelena would too, and they would never let me forget that I still used the swing set like a baby.
“On the couch,” Mama answered. “She had a pretty bad fall from the swing you forgot to repair. Again.”
“Nadia, baby?”
Dad walked around the couch and crouched in front of me.
“Oh, Малыш… are you okay? I’m so sorry you fell.”
“No way she actually fell,” I heard Yelena whisper to Natasha.
“Shut it, girls,” Mama barked from the stove.
“I’m okay. I didn’t cry,” I said softly.
“So you didn’t?” Dad asked. “Good job, Большая девочка.”
“Dinner is ready,” Mama called out.
Dad sighed at me and quietly said, “Let’s go. Don’t want to make Mama more angry.”
I giggled and followed my dad, leaving the ice pack and towel on the couch. With every step I could feel the bruise on my stomach, but I wouldn’t show my sisters I was in pain. Dad said I was a big girl now. Big girls can handle a bruise.
I climbed onto the chair and looked at my plate, not wanting to look them in the eye.
“It’s okay, Котёнок,” Natasha said gently. “We won’t make fun of you. Are you okay?”
I nodded, glancing at Yelena, who still smiled but also looked worried.
“Okay girls, let’s eat. I’m starving like a wolf,” Dad said.
And at that command, I dug into my spaghetti.
—
— the next day —
I went downstairs after seriously thinking about climbing out my window and going to the playground without asking. But then I remembered I probably wouldn’t survive a fall from the third floor, so I decided to go downstairs and beg instead.
“Mama, can I please go to the playground? It’s only three streets away, and there’s a lot of light. I promise I’ll be back before eight. Please, I just want to go on the swing because ours broke and—”
“You know what, baby? Sure.”
She looked sad while she said it, like she had been holding back tears.
“Really? Yelena and Natasha don’t even have to come?”
“No. You’re a big girl now. You can go alone.”
“No way, okay! I promise I won’t let you down! I’ll grab my coat!”
I ran upstairs, passing Natasha and Yelena’s room.
“You’ll never guess!” I said, stopping in the doorway. “Mama is letting me go to the playground all by myself!”
“No way,” Yelena said, slamming her book shut. “I was just allowed to go this year and I’m eight. You’re six!”
“Good for you, kid,” Natasha said without looking up from her drawing.
“You gonna go all around today?” she asked.
“No way she will. It’s impossible,” Yelena said.
“I will. I’m going to do it twice in a row,” I said, already excited.
“Good luck with that, Nadia,” Natasha smiled softly.
“Careful, Котёнок,” Yelena said, going back to her book.
I ran downstairs just as Dad opened the door.
“Wow, kid. I heard it’s your first time alone. Can I walk you there?”
“Uhm… yeah sure. But I can play alone, right? Nobody watching?”
“Yes, Малыш. I’ll leave right after.”
“Okay then! Let’s go!”
Dad opened the door, checking his watch. He looked sad again. Maybe I was just imagining it.
We walked to the playground in silence. I was trying so hard not to run ahead, but Dad was slow, so I walked slowly too.
When we finally reached it—it felt like hours—I ran toward the swing.
“Hold up, Малыш,” Dad said, grabbing my hand. “Be careful… okay? Don’t cry. Be a big girl.”
“Okay! I won’t fall again, so I won’t cry, Dadda. I’ll be home at eight, I have my watch!” I said, showing my glitter watch.
“Alright, honey. See you, okay?”
“See you!” I shouted, running toward the swing.
After about a minute I looked back. Dad was already gone.
It felt strange being alone outside our garden for the first time.
I pushed my legs harder and harder, going higher and higher. This swing was much stronger than the one at home. The wind rushed through my hair as I went faster and faster. After a while I slowed down, breathing hard.
Then I saw something move in my left corner.
I turned.
A man.
Big. Dressed in black.
I looked around. At least three of them were circling me.
I stood up slowly, staring toward the slope leading back home. It wasn’t far. I could run.
But then they started moving closer.
So I ran.
I ran as fast as I could.
I almost reached the slope when I was grabbed from behind.
The last thing I saw was my dad standing far away, just looking at me.
“Dadda…”
And then the needle.
And then darkness.