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Jed and Octavius were standing on the reception desk, doubled over in laughter beside the old smartphone they had propped up against the pen cup. Larry had given them the outdated iPhone after a mishap with The Apparatus left the shared computer’s keyboard in shambles and two centurions in need of a light touch-up in Restorations. The two miniatures had already exhausted themselves on cat videos for the night and had moved on to taking stupid internet quizzes and checking out any other silly clickbait they could find.
Jed wasn’t sure what the logic was behind him being classified as a pecan pie and Octavius a carrot cake (“Ha! You ain’t even a pie, boy!”), why both of them should honeymoon in Rome (“Why? You live there, an’ I can visit anytime I want.”), or why the Internet suggested they should watch some movie called “Tropic Thunder”, but he was having a lot of fun wasting time with his best friend. As far as he was concerned, there was no better place to be than by Octavius’ side.
“Hey, what’s this?” Jed asked.
“What, ‘Make Money Playing Senet Online?’ That’s just one of Ahkmenrah’s games,” Octavius replied with a dismissive wave of his hand.
“Nah, this.” Jed jabbed his finger at the screen. “‘Make someone fall in love with you in 4 minutes.’ That sounds stupid. Let’s try it.”
Octavius scoffed. “There is no way that could possibly work. As the great Roman poet Ovid said, 'Militiae species amor est.’” He pressed his closed fist to his chest in a salute. “Love is… love is a glorious triumph! Love expands its empire across the heart’s terrain with every relentless stride of Cupid’s legions! It is certainly not something that can be won in just four minutes.”
“Ain’t got time for your Roman melodrama! I’m gonna click it anyway.”
He tapped on the link and carefully read the instructions out loud. “The ‘4-minute staring experiment’ is a psychological exercise designed to foster rapid intimacy and connection between participants. You and your partner take turns answering thirty-six questions, and then you must sit comfortably and maintain direct eye contact without talking or laughing—”
“Jedediah, you can’t go one minute without talking.”
“Says the feller who interrupted me 30 seconds into the instructions!”
Jed pulled up the list of questions. “Whoo-wee! Better get comfortable, boy, ‘cause this is gonna take all night!”
Just over an hour later, they had finally wrapped up all 36 questions. Jed didn’t think there was anything particularly revelatory about any of their responses – after all, they were best friends, and best friends should know everything about one another, shouldn’t they? Of course, they would share the same values and dreams and hopes. And if he couldn’t be open with Octy about these kinds of things, who else could he trust with the most vulnerable and delicate parts of him?
The duo took a couple laps around the reception desk before returning to the pair of Pink Pearl erasers they had pulled up earlier to use as seats. Octavius took off his galea and set it on the desk. Jed tossed his Stetson beside it.
“All right, time for the fun part!” Jed rubbed his hands together and set up a 4-minute timer on the screen.
They sat and stared at each other for just under 14 seconds before they started laughing. Jed reset the timer. They tried again, but struggled with the “no talking” rule. After a couple more failures, Octavius finally snapped at Jed.
“Pro deorum fidem, Jedediah, please! Just try this with me. I’d like to see if it works or not.”
“All right, all right! You don’t have to tell ol’ Jedediah twice. You ain’t gonna hear a peep outta me for the next 4 minutes, startin’ now.”
Jed pulled his eraser a little closer and sat sidesaddle on it, resting one forearm on his thigh and letting his left knee rest gently against Octavius’ bent leg. He locked eyes with the Roman general and reached over to press the start button on the timer with the flat of his hand.
「⩇⩇:⩇⩇」
Why’s he so invested in doin’ this anyway? It was my idea! I reckon this ain’t so bad, though. Maybe I could stare at his forehead instead, or maybe those ‘lil scowly lines between his eyebrows. Oh, nope, he’s lookin’ straight at me. Promised him I wouldn’t laugh or talk while we’re doin’ this.
He exhaled through his nose, trying his hardest to suppress a laugh.
Has it been four minutes yet? Which one of his eyes am I supposed to look at? Can I look at both of them at the same time? Hm, no, that feels kinda weird, can’t do that. I probably look like a real weirdo right now with my eyes bouncin’ back an’ forth. Reckon my face looks goofy, just goofy. Oh well, Octy looks kinda goofy too.
He started to subtly bounce his right leg, like a metronome keeping time alongside the 4-minute countdown.
Y’know, pecan pie would be kinda good right about now. I wonder if Gigantor knows any places that serve pie at 3 AM. Get a little piece of carrot cake for Octy too. Bet he’d like that. He goes crazy for frostin’.
Judging by the little crinkles forming around the corners of Octavius’ eyes, Jed realized his companion must have been smiling to match the grin that had crept unbidden onto his own face.
「⩇𝟷:⩇⩇」
One minute rolled over on the timer.
Why’d I agree to do this? Oh, Jedediah, you really did it this time.
He felt vulnerable, exposed, open, weak. He bit his lower lip. Released it. Exhaled sharply through his nose. Scowled. Drummed his fingers against his thigh. He was twitchy and tense and wound up tighter than a rattlesnake about to burst out of its old skin.
How do I get out of here? Would it really be so bad if I got up and went back to my diorama? Ain’t nobody gonna stop me. I’ll just hop in the car an’ drive back home. Dangit, I feel like I’m suffocatin’ here. Can’t talk, can’t laugh, can’t do nothin’.
“Octyyy,” Jed quietly whined through gritted teeth, drawing out the last syllable of his partner’s nickname. “This is gettin’ weird. Can we stop yet?”
Octavius shushed him.
“You promised me, Jedediah.” His voice was velvety and thick with barely-concealed annoyance.
Doh, there he goes, usin’ his fancy, silky smooth Roman general voice on me again. Jed narrowed his eyes. He felt like he was back in grade school, getting reprimanded by the fat old schoolmarm for speaking out of turn. No, he’s right, Jed frowned. I promised Oct I’d do this with him, an’ I ain’t quittin’ him like that.
His shoulders shrugged with a silent sigh as he slumped down on his seat. He rested his chin in his hand and settled for cataloging Octavius’ eyelashes and counting his blinks as they continued their stare-down.
「⩇2:⩇⩇」
They passed the two minute mark.
All right, maybe this ain’t so bad after all. Sure wouldn’t wanna be doin’ this with nobody other than Octy, though.
His leg had stopped its involuntary bouncing as the minutes began to run together.
Huh. Never realized how pretty Octy’s eyes are. They look like the mayor’s best sippin’ whiskey in one of his fancy ol’ glass tumblers, sparklin’ all around like liquid sunshine. All warm and invitin’. Got some lil’ bitty speckles of gold ‘round the black part. Whoever painted him sure made him look good.
Octavius gazed at him with a quiet, intense focus that made Jed feel like he was the only person in the room, like he was the only thing that mattered. He was good at that. Jed couldn't remember anyone in any of his lifetimes who made him feel quite the way Octavius did. Sure, he was close with Jim and William and Thomas and all those guys at the trading post. Heck, ol' Jim even sewed him up after the grizzly attack, but that's just what you do for a feller. No, it was different being with Octavius. Maybe they really were just two travelers who finally made it home after lifetimes of searching.
Jed leaned forward a little.
Hey, I can see myself! It’s like he’s got a tiny lil’ Jedediah in each one of his eyes.
He smiled at the thought that there was a little bit of Octavius reflecting back from him, too.
Jed was distantly aware of Teddy and Sacagawea passing through the lobby.
“My dear, has the tablet malfunctioned? Jedediah and Octavius are sitting as still as statues. It looks like they’re having some sort of staring match,” Teddy whispered (or at least what passed for a whisper with him).
“Just let them be, my love,” came Sacagawea’s soft, musical reply. “They are allowing themselves to be truly seen by one another.”
He barely noticed the other couple exit. In fact, Jed was barely aware of anything other than the honeyed depths of Octavius’ chestnut-brown eyes and slow, gentle rhythm of their breaths rising and falling as one.
「⩇3:⩇⩇」
Three minutes had passed and Jed had stopped fidgeting entirely. He leaned forward on his forearms, drawing himself incrementally closer to Octavius. He could feel the heat radiating off the other man’s body where their legs were pressed together. Octavius shifted forward slightly till their thighs were in full contact with one another, sending a tingling jolt of electricity rippling through Jed’s body. Jed swallowed sharply.
He’s so close to me, I think we’re sharin’ the same breathin’ air.
His eyes briefly flitted down to Octavius’ lips and back to his eyes.
I could just kiss him right here. Whoo boy, where’d that thought come from?
His eyebrows flicked up involuntarily.
Oh, the black part of his eyes looks bigger. Mm, I kinda like that. That’s a good look on him. I wonder if my eyes are doin’ that too.
Jed’s lips parted ever so slightly.
What would he do if I just leaned in and kissed him right now? I wonder if his lips feel as soft as they look. Jed realized that he desperately wanted nothing more in that moment than to taste Octavius on his tongue. He felt his heart rate pick up.
Dang, his eyes are lookin’ awful dark an’ shiny. Maybe he’s thinkin’ about layin’ one on ol’ Jedediah too.
He ran his tongue against the inside of his teeth. His mouth dropped open just a little more.
But what if he ain’t into that sorta thing?
He scrunched his nose.
Then again, supposin’ he is…
He canted his head to the right and subtly slid himself a little closer to Octavius, till their noses were almost touching.
Oh my God, I think I’m in love with Octavius.
♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬˚. 「⩇4:⩇⩇」.ﾟ♬˚₊ ♪｡⋆♫
The 4-minute timer chimed with a delicate crescendo of twinkling bells. Neither Jed nor Octavius moved to silence it right away, but finally broke eye contact after a few more seconds.
Jed looked down at the desk and rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the heat abruptly blooming on his face. Even though their 4-minute stare-down was over, Jed felt like Octavius was imprinted on his brain, like some sort of indelible brand. And he just couldn’t stop the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. What the hell just happened? Did it–
“Did it work?” Octavius asked as he sat back and flashed Jed his biggest, brightest smile. “Are you hopelessly in love with me too?”
“I dunno, I think I alre—wait, did you say ‘too’?”
Octavius’ face blanched.
Before he could reply, Dexter jumped up onto the desk with a mocking chitter, sending papers scattering in every direction under his little paws as he struggled to gain purchase on the glass surface. Nicky came sprinting in not a moment later, hot on his trail.
“DEXTER! Gimme back my iPod!” Nicky yelled. “Don’s gonna kill me if I give it back to him with dried monkey pee on it again!”
An errant flick of Dexter’s tail sent Octavius careening off the edge of the desk as the little capuchin bounded away with a screech.
“Sorry, guys!” Nicky apologized as he ran past, oblivious to the chaos wrought by the naughty little monkey.
“Octavius!” yelled Jed, an edge of panic in his voice. He sprinted to the margin of the desk, where he spotted two little hands hanging on for dear life. Jed wasted no time pulling him up into his safe embrace. Octavius wrapped his arms tightly around Jed’s waist and buried his head in the crook of his neck. Jed could feel Octavius shake with every wild thudding heartbeat. He held him close and gently ran his hands along Octavius’ back until he stopped trembling.
Jed finally pulled away and slid his hands down Octavius’ arms, coming to rest on his vambraces. “That was a close one, Octy! You all right? Hey, you know you can’t just go an’ say somethin’ like that to a feller an’ think you can get away that easy!”
Octavius stood with his hands on Jed’s waist and scrutinized the decorative stitching on the edges of his leather vest. After a few moments of silence, he finally spoke.
“Jedediah, I… I thought that experiment was going to be a waste of our precious time together, but once I had four quiet minutes to sit with my thoughts and lose myself in the brilliant blue ocean of your eyes, I realized that what I feel for you… it goes far beyond simple camaraderie. Ovid also said, ‘Intret amicitiae nomine tectus amor’ – that love enters in the guise of friendship – and I suppose I have embraced his sentiment entirely.” He chuckled nervously. “If you do not share my affections, then I pray to Venus that the knowledge of how I feel won’t change the character of our relationship.”
After all the sustained eye contact they had shared minutes before, Octavius suddenly found the toes of his sandals extremely interesting.
“Dang, Octy, ain’t you a smooth talker! But I didn’t need some dumb test to tell me somethin’ I already knew.”
Octavius chanced a look up at Jed’s face. His voice cracked as he asked, “What? How?”
“C’mon, I know you’ve been in love with me ever since Gigantor let us watch that scary movie an’ you wouldn’t leave my tent for the rest of the night ‘cause you didn’t wanna be alone.”
Octavius smiled shyly. “I also overdid it on those peanut butter cups, you know.”
Jed laughed. "I think it jus' took me a lil' longer to figure this out."
He gently cupped Octavius’ cheek and tilted his chin up. Their eyes met once again, sharing in that moment a quiet, naked vulnerability that neither of them could put to words. Jed closed the distance between them and pulled his Roman into a soft, gentle kiss that felt like they were finally home.