Chapter Text
Originally home to an April Fool's Day Rick Roll that I won't torture you with anymore... well, mostly.
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Chapter 1 Incorrect Quotes
Akuma Chloe: Let's play "Marinette, who's your Daddy??"
Marinette: Let's not and say we did.
Akuma Chloe *Spins the wheel anyways*: And you've landed on..... Emotionally Constipated Billionaire with Trauma!
Marinette: Can we spin again?
Marinette *placing Bruce on the table*: I'd like to return this model. It's defective.
Akuma Chloe: Sorry, all sales are final.
Marinette: Hi Dad
Bruce: Hello Daughter
Bruce:
Bruce *Has no proof its true*: Wait, another one? Yes, no adoption papers needed!
Marinette: Ah fuck
Bruce: Yay new kid!
Marinette: Uhh…. *dips*
Bruce: I can work with this. Gotta catch 'em all!
Bruce *Ignores Duke’s entire existence and all of his friends*: Damn magic users
Marinette: Hi Dad
Bruce: We’ll make an exception for you
Jason: New baby sister!!
Dick: New baby sister!!
Tim: New baby sister!!
Damian: ... fuck.
Bruce: This is a prank, right?
Alfred: I'll go prepare another room.
Chapter 2 Incorrect Quotes
Marinette: Wow, Gotham is fucked up.
Tim: No more than any of us.
Marinette: Ouch, why are you picking on me?
Marinette: Why doesn't Batman kill?
*Everyone points at Bruce*
Dick: He gets too many jollies being a serial killer.
Jason: So I can't have nice things?
Damian: I am the BLOOD SON! You are all INFERIOR! Leave!
Damian: Except you. You stay. Must protect the smol bean at all cost.
*Points at Marinette*
Marinette: What if I don't want to?
Damian: Irrelevant.
Chapter 3 Incorrect Quotes
Marinette: I'm not sure I want to meet them.
Dick: SURPRISE!
Marinette: Fuck.
Marinette: Hey Bros!
*Meets Bat Family*
Marinette: Hey Bat Bros!
Damian: You're a menace.
Marinette: I know you are, but what am I?
Damian: That's as annoying as those vigilantes getting in Ladybug's way.
Marinette: I know you are, but what am I?
Damian *sputters*: No I'm not!!!
Chapter 4 Incorrect Quotes
Let's Play: Get Marinette to Gotham!
Dick: Snuggles and attention have failed.
Tim: Fashion career assistance has failed.
Damian: Bribery with animals has failed.
Jason: Success. My personality won her over.
Dick: HOW??!
Damian: Lies.
Tim: No way. How did you really do it?
Jason *points at Luka*: I brought my secret weapon.
Dick: Who is that?
Jason: No clue. I was talking to Jagged while he was with her and suddenly she wanted to come. Still my win.
Luka. The real MVP.
Chapter 5 Incorrect Quotes
Everyone: Move to Gotham! It'll be safer!
Jason: ...and here is where I got jumped. And over there you'll find gangster territory. And to your left is a crime area so bad we took the name and changed it to Crime Alley.
Marinette: This is safer?
Jason: No. Not it is not.
Grading Bruce's Parenting Skills:
Marinette: C
Dick: C-
Damian: C
Tim: C-
Jason: A+
*everyone stares incredulously*
Jason: Haven't you ever heard of sarcasm? Fine. F.
Chapter 6 Incorrect Quotes
Commence Overprotection Mode
Bruce: She can't be left alone without knowing how to defend herself.
Marinette *proves she can*
Bruce: I have temporarily gone blind. I see nothing.
Chapter 7 Incorrect Quotes
Santa: Have you been a good boy this year?
Dick: Yes!
Jason *twirling his guns*: Define good.
Tim: You're just an actor Marinette hired.
Bruce: He's real.
Damian: Enough of this childish nonsense.
Marinette *Nodding*: He is real!
Santa: My number one on my nice list! How good to see you.
Dick *pouting*: Why does she get to be number one?
Chapter 8 Incorrect Quotes
Marinette: We shall prank them, and it shall be glorious revenge!
Tikki: But what if we made it horror.
Plagg: Perfect.
Chapter 9 Incorrect Quotes
Bruce: No magic users or metas in Gotham!
Marinette as Ladybug *exists*
Bruce: No magic users or metas in Gotham except for her!
Duke *exists, forgotten in this fic because I didn't know how to write him at the time*
Bruce: Oh yeah. Him too.
Chapter 10 Incorrect Quotes
Jason: Would you like Lila's head on a platter or will a duffle bag suffice?
Marinette: Surprise me.
Bruce: Why can I not have one normal child?
Everyone *points at him*
Bruce: Fair.
Chapter 11 Incorrect Quotes
Tim: Why not just call yourself Ladybird?
Marinette: I'm trying *not* to associate with Ladybug?? Why would I call myself another version of Ladybug?
Jason: Why Cardinal?
Marinette: Its... a bird.
Damian: Is that really all the thought you put into it?
Marinette: ...yes?
Marinette: And how much thought did any of you put into your names??
Dick: Hey, Robin is classic!
Marinette: It's literally just what your parents called you. You put in zero thought. It's not even in the bat theme.
Marinette: At least Babs was on theme with Batgirl, as awful as that is. You could have been Batboy.
Babs: Hey, leave my poor teenage decisions out of this.
Chapter 12 Incorrect Quotes
Izzy: How many Disney movies can I shove in one chapter challenge.
Also:
Dick: 1
Lila: 0
Chapter 13 Incorrect Quotes
Izzy: *slaps Marinette on the back proudly* I can fit so much trauma in this!
Chapter 14 (+Bonus) Incorrect Quotes
Bugman. Na na na na na na na na. Bugman!!
Alfred: I need a vacation.
Dick: Why does Bruce get a theme song? Why did I not get one?
Bruce: You ran around the cave screaming 'na na na na' all day.
Chapter 16 Incorrect Quotes
Jason: It's A Girl!
*Damian and Kagami fighting*
Tim: Oh no. There's a girl version of the gremlin?
Chapter 17 Incorrect Quotes
Dick: Every woman I have ever met deserves chocolate, heating pads, and a week off every month.
Also Dick: I apologize to all women who have ever had to deal with my flirting.
*arrives with flowers and chocolate for Babs the next time he sees her*
Babs: Not that I'm complaining, but wtaf.
Dick: You have a massage scheduled in an hour. Do not come in to the cave for the next four days.
Babs: ... Why not?
Dick: That is when your period tracker says you are done your menstruation.
Babs: You went through my PHONE?
Also Babs: I can ditch for periods? Fuck yeah. I'm out of here. Peace.
Chapter 18 Incorrect Quotes
Jason to Bruce: You done fucked up.
Bruce *nods sadly*
Marinette: Your city is corrupt as fuck.
Bruce: Tell me something I don't know.
Marinette: No, like, magically corrupt on top of the generally corrupt.
Bruce: That was something I didn't know.
Bruce: I hate magic.
Marinette: Don't worry. It's mutual.
Marinette: Magic hates you too.
Chapter 19 Incorrect Quotes
Marinette: What's black and blue and green all over?
Dick: The Riddler, after I beat the shit out of him.
Chapter 20 Incorrect Quotes
Jon: Less stabby version of Damian!
Damian: No.
Jason: No.
Tim: I ship it.
Dick: They are soulmates! Must force together!
Cass: Now taking bets.
Chapter 21 Incorrect Quotes
Therapy! Therapy for all!
Okay. Just for Marinette.
Damian: We're going to have to do something about Jon.
Jason *pulls out Kryptonite bullets*: Name a time and place.
Tim: Where did you get those?
Jason: I 'borrowed' them from Black Mask a few years back.
Dick: I thought we took all of that!!
Jason: Sure Dickie. You got it 'all' - you're right.
Damian: Got any for me?
Jason *slides him a second kryptonite sword - one Bruce didn't know about*
Chapter 22 Incorrect Quotes
Marinette Wayne, this is your life!
Bruce: ...And then Marinette stole all our clothes and we were forced to wear pink sweatsuits to work!
Dick: Then we swapped her teal thread for aquamarine.
Marinette: That was you?! I looked for that for an hour!!
Jason: Paybacks a bitch.
Marinette: Do we need another Dinosaur Incident?
*Everyone pales*
Nadja: What's the Dinosaur Incident?
Everyone: Nevermind!
Chapter 23 Incorrect Quotes
Dick: 2
Lila: 0
A/N: This was the only chapter I was officially awake enough to write properly. I have no recollection of the rest of the fic.