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talk so pretty but your heart got teeth

Summary:

Jan pegs Nandor and manipulates him. That’s it, that’s the fic.

Notes:

The fandom cried out for fucked up Jandor porn, so here we are.

Title from 5SOS. I regret nothing.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

After saying goodnight to her other children, Jan finds Nandor waiting naked on her bed, lit gently by lava lamps and, as far as she can tell, hard as the pet rock on her nightstand.

All as instructed.

“What a good boy you are,” she purrs as she shuts the door behind her. “You did so well tonight, Nandy.”

Nandor grins at her, and Jan feels a spike of pleasure when she sees the black holes where his fangs once were. Where they will be tomorrow night, until he pulls them out again on her orders. Just like everything else he does.

Just like this.

“Thank you, Jan,” he says, and he ducks his head, almost shy. The waterbed bobs lightly with the movement.

What a change he’s gone through since arriving here. Once so stiff and stern, now a pliable supplicant, all in barely a month. He’s the jewel in her crown, a member of the vampiric council laid low. They’d never sent her one of their own before, only ravens and familiars that she usually returned to them in pieces, but Nandor? She knew right away that she wanted to keep him.

“I have a surprise for you tonight,” she tells him, leaning over and kissing that eager mouth. He tries to arch into her, but she pushes his shoulder down against the bed. “Down, tiger.”

For all his pretensions at being human, he’s still a horny vampire at heart. Lucky for them both, she’s promised to fuck it out of him.

For a moment, Jan watches the way his hard cock bobs with the movement of the waterbed, precum quivering as it leaks. She knows he’s watching her watch. He’s so delicious, this one. So desperate for her praise, her approval. She would call the way he acts love, if she believed in it. If she wanted it.

“You stay here, Nandy, while I slip into something a little more comfortable.”

“Don’t be too long,” he says as she goes into the bathroom, and she can practically hear the hearts in his voice. 

Jan smiles, predatory like the velvet tiger painting on the wall next to her when she exits the bathroom, and Nandor’s eyes widen ever-so-slightly at the harness and large silicone cock she’s wearing.

“This is my surprise?” he asks her, carefully.

“You didn’t think putting the plug in you last night was the end of it, did you?” she asks with just enough incredulity that she knows Nandor will feel ashamed for disappointing her. “Legs up, baby, let me see it in you.”

Nandor struggles at first with maintaining his balance on the constantly-shifting surface of the waterbed underneath him, but he finally manages to grip his legs and pull them back so that she can see the base of the plug in his hole.

“Oh, Nandy, that’s just beautiful. Those exercise classes have really paid off for you, haven’t they?” Jan asks as she studies him. “So flexible, baby. You’ve done such a good job keeping that in you all day.”

“Thank you, Jan,” Nandor says, and she knows how happy he is when he says it. He nearly preens with it.

“Will you take it out for me? I want to see how well you’re stretched for me.”

Nandor begins to lower his legs and shift into a position that will allow him more comfortable access to the plug.

“Uh-uh, baby, back to how you were.” She keeps the displeasure from her voice, but only just barely. It’s an edge, a sliver for him to worry over.

Shifting back into position takes Nandor another moment or two, again trying to balance on the shifting water. Out of his line of sight, Jan rolls her eyes. With how much time they spend on it, he should have mastered the waterbed by now, but from everything she’s seen so far, he’s more obedient than smart.

“Go ahead now, nice and slow,” she tells him once he’s settled again.

Nandor reaches back down to the base of the plug and with a slow, artificial exhale, he slowly pulls it out. As if anticipating her next question, he holds the plug up with his left hand to show her, then rests it next to the lava lamp on the end table. Once free, the left joins the right in pulling his cheeks apart so that Jan can see the effect of the plug.

“That’s so good, Nandy. Now I want to see how good your fingers fit.”

Jan approaches the end of the bed where Nandor can turn his head to see her. She takes the bottle of lube from behind the lava lamp and squirts a generous amount onto her hand. Making sure he’s watching, she runs it up and down the silicone cock slowly for his benefit, coating it liberally. 

“You want this inside you, don’t you?”

Nandor nods so vigorously the bed rocks beneath him again.

“Then hold out your hands, baby.”

Jan squeezes enough lube into his hands that he could probably coat himself up to his elbow. She might ask him to try that someday, too. But for now, she’s happy to let him work just a few fingers.

“Since you’ve already had that plug in you,” Jan says, sitting on the edge of the bed and enjoying Nandor’s brief scramble to recalibrate his position again, “I want you to start with two fingers.”

“Yes Jan,” Nandor breathes, and the two fingers slide in easily. He rubs them around the rim to show her how well they fit.

“I should have known that would be too easy for you,” Nandor is dumb enough to mistake the amusement in her voice for affection, she knows. “Go to three now.”

Three is a little more challenging, a slightly tighter fit, but Jan still makes a pleased noise when he does it.

“Baby, I bet you could fit your whole first in there if I asked you,” she says, praising, and Nandor gasps. “Shh, baby, not tonight,” she soothes, using her lube-free hand to reach up and stroke his hair. “Tonight, I’ve got a cock for you, don’t I?”

“Yes,” Nandor sighs happily, turning his head so that his cheek rests in her palm.

“Do you want my cock?” she asks him.

“Yes,” he says again.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, Jan, I want you cock.” Nandor closes his eyes and smiles, beautifully fangless. “I want you to fuck me. Please , Jan. I’ve been such a good boy, haven’t I?”

“Such a good boy,” Jan agrees, and stands up off the bed, jostling him again. “Now get on your hands and knees, Nandy, and face toward the wall with the door.”

They’ve never done it like that before, but that’s where Jan’s surprise comes in. Nandor shifts carefully onto his hands and knees and crawls into the position Jan requested. She’s impressed when she climbs onto the bed and he holds the position; maybe he’s doing better than she thought. She settles onto her knees behind that beautiful ass and can’t help but give it a firm squeeze.

When Nandor moans, she slaps it. He thinks it’s playful, but really, it’s a warning.

“We haven’t even gotten started yet, Nandy,” she tells him. “Hold on.”

“Please, Jan, I need you inside me,” he whines. “I’m so empty.”

“Shh, just be patient for a little longer.” 

With one hand she grips his hip and pulls herself up, and with the other, she grabs Nandor’s beautiful layers and pulls his head back so that he’s looking straight ahead at the other wall, where his face is looking back at him.

When Nandor gasps in surprise, Jan thrusts inside him, and he moans.

“I—I don’t understand,” he manages to grunt out as Jan pulls back and slams into him again. He can see them both moving on the wall.

“It’s a mirror, baby,” she says into his ear, like it’s a precious secret between them, her hips rolling slowly. “You’ve done such a good job at your lessons that you can see yourself in mirrors now.”

Nandor doesn’t see the video camera hidden in the old-fashioned grandfather clock, nor does he realize there’s a projector above them casting their image on the wall. He has no reason not to believe Jan, after all. Jan, who has worked so carefully that Nandor thinks she has never lied to him and never will, who has given him so much hope that he can be something else, something more than vampire. She’s made him believe these things, and she’s so proud of it. She can see the surprise and pride glowing in his eyes as she snaps her hips. His eyes are wide and focused on the wall.

“I said no one has taken to this lifestyle as well or as quickly as you, Nandy, and here’s the proof. You’re turning human.”

“You too,” Nandor whispers; he’s noticed her there too, but he’s fixated on his own face.

“I’ve been able to see myself in mirrors for much longer, baby,” Jan tells him. “That’s why I never go into the hula hoop room. It would make everyone so jealous.” 

She makes jealous sound tantalizing, so that Nandor will latch onto it and feel even prouder. Rhythm steadied, the rock of the waterbed helping her movements along, she takes the hand that was holding his hair and moves it to his cock.

“Just think of all the things we’ll be able to do once we can go into the sun, Nandy,” she whispers as she strokes him, teasing the head with her thumb before moving down to cup his balls. Nandor is moaning now, but he’s still watching the mirror, memorizing how his reflection looks in pleasure for the first time in who knows how many years. “We’ll go out for picnics in the park, sitting under the sun and feeding each other grapes, just like you used to do.” Her fingers trail over him, applying intermittent pressure to heighten his senses, before finally taking him into her fist and pumping in earnest.

“We’ll make love in the sun, and we’ll come inside afterward and everyone else will be able to feel the warmth of it on our skin, and they’ll envy you, because only you and I can do these things, we’re the only ones who were special enough to become human, and you, Nandy, baby, you’ve worked the hardest out of any of them and just look at yourself—“

“Yes, yes, I’m human!”

Nandor finally cries out and spills himself over Jan’s hand. After a few more slow thrusts, she pulls out and lets the rhythm of the waterbed soothe him. Nandor’s arms collapse and he lets his head fall onto the waterbed. His shoulders are shaking, but when Jan strokes his hair with her clean hand, she’s sure he’s not crying. He’s just emotional, always so emotional.

“You were so good, baby,” she whispers, rubbing circles on his back. “I’m so proud of how well you’re doing.”

“Thank you, Jan,” he whispers. “You felt so good inside me tonight.”

“There’s plenty more where that came from, baby.”

“Jan.” Nandor rolls onto his side and looks at her. “Did you come too?”

Nandor is such a good lover this way, always caring about his partner’s— her —pleasure, sometimes even at the expense of his own. Often at the expense of his own, Jan thinks with a smile.

“Not yet,” she tells him. She did; she felt it ripple through her as she was making those promises she’ll never keep, but he doesn’t need to know that. Let him think there’s still more he needs to do to please her. She unhooks the harness and throws it off the bed. “Can you take care of me now, Nandy?”

Nandor nods eagerly, but his voice is shy when he asks, “Can I…can I watch myself in the mirror when I do?”

“Of course you can, baby, you’ve been such a good boy.”

She moves so that her head is pointed towards the mirror and Nandor settles between her spread legs. She knows Nandor will eat her out for hours if she’ll let him — there are nights where he’ll curl himself under her desk, legs cramping, and do his work while she does hers. He’s always so happy when he comes up, face and beard shining with her wetness, eyes shining with adoration and a wetness of his own.

She suspects he won’t be able to see himself very well in the mirror with his face buried in Jan’s cunt, but his eyes are lifted to her in supplication anyway as he applies his tongue.

“Yes, Nandy,” she says lazily, stroking his hair, floating on the gentle waves of the waterbed.

For a few minutes, Jan closes her eyes and focuses on the sensation of his mouth and tongue, imagining the gaps in his gums, those holes she created, caressing her folds. She’s starting to feel overstimulated now, but she doesn’t want Nandor to stop just yet.

“Do you remember the peach?” she asks. Her voice is breathy, but Nandor doesn’t pull away to give his confirmation. Instead, he hums it against her skin, and a pleased rumble bubbles out of her chest. 

She ate a ripe peach for him a few nights ago - he had practically begged her to do it, wanting to hear how her fangless teeth dug into the flesh of the fruit and see the way her mouth and throat moved as she swallowed. She distracted him by dropping the pit and asking him to look for it as she fled the room to surreptitiously vomit, but Nandor was so excited by the whole thing that she laid him across her desk and rode him to a delicious climax immediately afterward . She wouldn’t let him kiss her or lick the peach juices from her face afterward; she said he wasn’t ready yet.

“Can you taste it on me now?”

“Yes.” Nandor’s voice is a sigh. “You taste so sweet, Jan.”

“Show me how sweet I am, Nandy.”

Nandor doubles his efforts, diving into Jan as if he’s starving and she is his only sustenance, the peach he was denied. The waterbed churns beneath them with his energy. His mouth is everywhere, desperate to consume her, his nose bumping against her clit. It’s that pressure that undoes her, and she clamps her thighs around Nandor’s head to hold him in place as she rides out her second orgasm.

As soon as Jan releases him, legs falling boneless against the roiling water bed, Nandor pulls himself up against her side, burying his face against the juncture of her neck and shoulder and gently pressing his lips to the spot where her pulse would be pumping with blood if they were truly human. She can feel the wetness rubbing off his beard and onto her. She’s going to need a shower after this.

He lets the rhythm of the water bed roll his body, and he’s half-hard again. She can feel it hitting her thigh.

“It’s time for bed, Nandy,” she says, not touching him. 

When Nandor tries to burrow closer, she rolls away, off the bed, leaving him on a tossing sea.

“I can’t stay with you?” he asks. There’s disappointment in his eyes as he looks at her, and then surreptitiously at her mirror.

“You know the rules, baby,” she says, trying to sound conciliatory. “If the other children know you’re here, just how good you’ve been doing—“ Jan looks meaningfully at the wall with the projector. “—they’ll accuse you of getting special treatment, and you won’t be a very good number two if no one will listen to you, will you?”

“No,” he says, soft and sad now. “I want to be a good number two, Jan.”

“I know you do. And you are, but you’ve got to go back to your room now.”

Nandor watches himself as he disengages from the waterbed, even though it makes him even clumsier than usual. He continues to watch as he misses the leg hole of his shorts the first time. If she didn’t already know it would hurt his devotion to her, Jan would laugh out loud at the display, but she’ll save it for later, once she’s alone.

“Good night, Jan,” he says when he’s at the door, looking at his supposed reflection one more time. “I’ll dream of us in the sunlight.”

“Me too, baby,” she lies. “Good night.”

No, she thinks as he walks out, I’ll never give him back.

Notes:

Massive thanks to everyone who responded to the idea of me writing this with 👀👀👀👀👀, especially pejnt, whose encouragement pushed me over the finish line.