Chapter Text
VRISKA: J-John????????
VRISKA: What the fuck are you doing?!
VRISKA: Let go!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: I need to see the fight!
VRISKA: No!
VRISKA: Nononononononono! Stop it!
VRISKA: Don’t retcon me out!
VRISKA: John!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Joooooooohn!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Joooooooooooooooooooooooohn!!!!!!!!
John shot up from his pillow, frantically looking around. His eyes shook, struggling to handle the whiplash of going between loud, vivid dreams to the comfort of quiet reality. Ever since he decided he wasn’t going to fight Lord English, he had the same visions; the look on Vriska’s face as he pulled her out of the fight had been burned into his mind. Her reaction rang in his ears as if the words were freshly heard.
He steadied himself, stretched his arms, and looked around his room, seeing the same picture he’d become accustomed to. After all, not much changed for him. The same old movie posters surrounded him. His ancient desktop computer sat on its equally antiquated desk on the other end of the room. It provided him with a sense of comfort.
He had to change, he knew he had to, but until then, he knew that he had to hold onto what's important to him. If he held on to it just a bit longer, it'd all start to make sense, right? He was going to figure himself out eventually—all he needed to do was spend just a bit more time thinking about what the next step was. He was going to make his late father proud, just like the man he was.
John suddenly felt a vibration next to him, signaling a notification from his phone. As he reached for it, he froze, recalling the events of the prior day. Before he could even as much as touch the device, the emotions came flooding back.
He slowly brought his hand to his right cheek, feeling the burn of Jade’s slap. In that moment, he’d never felt any smaller, and for what reason? Because he was dating Vriska? Because his friends didn’t want to listen?
No.
None of that mattered because even if the reasons for their treatment towards him were misplaced, he still felt immeasurably guilty for what he did to Terezi. He failed to message her for years, and then when it was the most critical time to say something, he kept it hidden.
JOHN: why didn’t i tell her…
John whispered to himself as if to validate his self-loathing. Something within him tried to justify his decisions; somewhere in his mind, a voice was telling him that keeping Vriska hidden would be the best course of action. She wasn't meant to be on Earth C.
Seven years ago, Vriska made the decision to remove herself from the creation of the new universe to fight Lord English. That should’ve been the deciding moment that locked her out; it was a canon event that should’ve been the linchpin for everything that existed.
Then why did Calliope tell him to retrieve her? Why remove her from such an important event? Despite how hard John thought about the answers, he no longer possessed the capability to understand the nuanced thought that went into such concepts.
It didn’t matter how many times it’d be explained to him, he simply lacked the fundamental knowledge to understand the importance and true meaning of the word “canon.” Perhaps in another time, another world, he could’ve understood these concepts and acted upon them.
However, the lack of such an outcome was a blessing in disguise. After all, we know how that ending turns out, don’t we? Let’s just say, this John has it quite easy.
VRISKA: J-John?!?!
VRISKA: Wh8t… wh8t the fuck?!?!
VRISKA: Where are we????????
JOHN: vriska!
JOHN: i can explain just… give me a moment!
VRISKA: No! Take me back!
VRISKA: Take me baaaaaaaack!
JOHN: i just need to
JOHN: need to
JOHN: need toooooooo……
John stared at Vriska laying on the lush grass of the hill; she looked strikingly different from the one whose arm he grabbed mere moments prior. She was significantly taller than him and looked more mature than anyone he’d seen in the last seven years. Her more defined figure, her imposing stance, her sharp yet soft face. They all sent a blush across John’s face.
JOHN: vriska.
VRISKA: WH8T?!?!
JOHN: i dont know if its just me but
JOHN: you look different.
Vriska looked down at herself; she then returned her eyes to John and looked at him with confusion.
VRISKA: What are you talking a8out?
JOHN: do you not notice?
VRISKA: Notice what, John? Please tell me what’s wrong? Since apparently you’re so deeply in control of this situation.
JOHN: you look so much older now!
VRISKA: No? John, I think that retcon is fucking with your head.
JOHN: but you’re sixteen!
VRISKA: John.
JOHN: what?
VRISKA: I’m eleven and a half sweeps. Where are you getting sixteen from?
JOHN: no i mean-
JOHN: i mean sixteen human years!
VRISKA: So what? That’s like seven sweeps. You’re still way off John!
JOHN: how…
VRISKA: John?
JOHN: you… you were just…
VRISKA: John?
JOHN: vriska… i think something weird is happening.
JOHN: i just don’t know what.
VRISKA: John.
JOHN: can you stop saying my name like that? this is serious!
VRISKA: Joooooooohn.
JOHN: stop!
VRISKA: Joooooooooooooooooooooooohn.
VRISKA: Joooooooohn!!!!!!!!
Vriska’s voice echoed through the house as a loud banging rang from the bedroom door. John jolted from his thoughts and looked at it, staring longingly towards the woman on the other side. After a moment of thought, John decided to get up and walk towards the door.
He gripped the knob as hard as he could, clinging onto every bit of sanity he had left. Behind the door was someone he was practically afraid to see again. Everything was his fault, and facing her would just make things worse; though, perhaps, this was his grave and it was worth laying in it. After all, this is what he signed up for.
John opened the door to see Vriska staring at him with a smile; it was the exact grin he’d known her to fake in the last few days. It was a smile that screamed confidence with an underlying sense of discomfort and dread.
JOHN: good morning vriska…
VRISKA: Good morning, John!!!!!!!!
JOHN: how long have you been here?
JOHN: i thought you said you were going to find more interesting stuff to do.
VRISKA: Well, unfortunately, this place sucks! I did end up meeting Rose and Jade, though. I checked out this weird restaurant and they were just sitting there talking up a storm.
JOHN: oh huh.
VRISKA: Jade looked really fucking stressed, though. Something’s going on with her that I can’t put my finger on.
JOHN: well… i think i might know.
Vriska stared at him for a moment before looking down and to the side.
VRISKA: Right.
VRISKA: It seems like she’s not holding up super well here. I figured she wouldn’t.
JOHN: no, it’s not that…
JOHN: before you saw her
JOHN: dave, karkat, rose, and jade came here to give me some intervention.
JOHN: they accused me of dating you because you were a kid!
VRISKA: Fuck, is that the narrative they came to? Ugh, I knew this was going to 8ite us in the ass.
JOHN: it’s just so hard to explain! i tried, but i dont think anyone really believed me.
JOHN: except for rose…
VRISKA: What?
JOHN: hm?
VRISKA: Rose, huh? I get the feeling there’s something up with her.
JOHN: what makes you say that?
VRISKA: Call it intuition. I’ve seen her in action more than most pro8a8ly should, and I can say for certain that she’s acting weird.
JOHN: weird how?
VRISKA: She’s calmer than normal. I’m not talking her typing style calm either. I’m talking a type of calm you only have if you’ve detached yourself.
How observant.
Vriska walked past John and sat on his bed, putting her hands in her jean pockets. She shook her head.
VRISKA: Anyways, what tipped me off was her talking a8out Terezi.
JOHN: oh
JOHN: you know then…
VRISKA: Of course I know.
VRISKA: She’s pissed and now I feel really fucking 8ad a8out it!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: John, why the fuck didn’t we tell her?
JOHN: i don’t know…
JOHN: something told me that it wasn’t right…
JOHN: that it wasn’t…
VRISKA: Let me guess, you’re gonna say-
JOHN: canon yeah.
VRISKA: See, I think that’s 8ullshit. We aren’t attached to this nonsense and ar8itrary sense of canon anymore. This place is as far from canon as I can possi8ly imagine!
VRISKA: This place is nothing! It has nothing, and it sure as fuck doesn’t contain anything that would m8ke it relevant to anything out there.
JOHN: what do you know about canon?
VRISKA: As much as I needed to know to get you dum8asses to win. Apparently, now I have to deal with the irrelevance of this place that I gave up for you lot.
JOHN: i don’t understand.
VRISKA: John, I’m not supposed to 8e here, 8ut apparently me 8eing your age and d8ing you is some canon event in this shitty universe. Whatever is making this place sta8le is changing the world to fit in the image of a fake canon. One where it’d make sense if I was here the whole time.
Vriska brought her hands in front of her and clenched them into fists. She stared at them as if she would see something appear between her fingers. It was like she was clutching some sort of rope—holding on for dear life, struggling to keep a grip.
VRISKA: 8ut, in a way, something tells me this is the most important universe right now.
JOHN: so do you think that terezi getting mad was a part of this universe’s canon?
VRISKA: Yeah, it was a setup.
JOHN: i’m sorry vriska…
Vriska shot to her feet and grabbed John by his shoulders.
VRISKA: It doesn’t matter. We 8oth fucked this up, and I’m going to fix this shit whether we like it or not.
JOHN: what are we going to do?
VRISKA: We? John, you’re going to stay here and not fuck anything else up.
VRISKA: The less factors we have spinning, the easier it’ll 8e for me to unfuck this place.
VRISKA: 8ut what I will say is
VRISKA: Next time you sleep, I recommend opening your fridge.
JOHN: i-
JOHN: what???
Vriska took a deep breath and gave John a kiss on the lips, leaving blue marks on her partner’s mouth.
VRISKA: I’ll message you soon.
She walked towards the door with haste.
JOHN: where are you going?
Vriska paused and looked back at John with a wide smile.
VRISKA: I’m gonna go have a little chat with Rose. ::::)
Without wasting another moment, John’s girlfriend left the room and made her way to the front door. All John could do was stand in place and listen to the sounds of Vriska’s departure echo in the distance.
He stared idly at the open door, catching a glimpse of the wall on the other side of the house; it was one of the few unoccupied walls he could reasonably stare at, making it gain an aura of calm that the chaos surrounding him failed to exude.
Without his glasses, he believed that he saw himself in it. The ethereal emptiness called to him, begged for him to explore it—but each time he reached out his hand, it was like the door would shut in front of him.
And each time it did, he would see the same Sburb Beta poster proudly brandished on its interior. A reminder of why he was here in the first place. A reminder of who he used to be.
He felt it call out to him.
JOHN: ugh.
John’s stomach grumbled, breaking him from his thoughts. Another routine day of rotting was in order, and step two was always dragging himself downstairs for his bi-daily meal. As such, he trudged through his bedroom door and walked downstairs.
The jester iconography of his home bled into the background of his mind as he solemnly made his way to the kitchen. Everything was the same as it was ten years ago, so why would he bother paying attention? At the forefront of his thoughts was Vriska.
He constantly thought about all the different choices he could’ve made, wondering if any of the outcomes would make him happy. What if he never asked Roxy for their pie? What if he refused to bring Vriska back after Calliope asked? What if he’d just stuck to what seemed like the predetermined path?
After all, that was comfortable, wasn’t it?
But if he’d done so, would he have still been with Vriska? Despite everything that had transpired, his new girlfriend brought him immense joy beyond the realms of simple decision making; she was a light in the darkness that filled his life. Why would he regret it? He was comfortable where he was.
John stopped between the alchemiter and the refrigerator, feeling another choice approach him—the same binary options that he’d grown accustomed to. His arm gravitated towards the alchemiter, practically making his choice for him—but something stopped him. Choice words rang in his ear.
VRISKA: Next time you sleep, I recommend opening your fridge.
The refrigerator? What’s so important about that? What could be within the fridge that symbolizes any sort of step in life? It’s just a choice after all.
JOHN: stupid voice.
Without another thought he pressed the button; a green laser zapped the plate, materializing a pristine copy of the pie he’d eaten the last couple days. The smell of the synthetic pastry entered his nostrils and sent a comforting sense of dread through him.
John grabbed the pie with both of his hands and removed the pink wrapper with haste, his face painted with desperation. His stomach growled, screaming to be fed the fruits of his non-labor; he needed satisfaction.
In just a few swift bites, the pie was no more—leaving John empty handed in his kitchen. The faint chirps of birds outside filled the deafening silence that surrounded him. He felt both dead and alive; this symbiosis of states made him question if he was even conscious.
JOHN: ow!
John pinched his arm, confirming his sentience.
JOHN: what the fuck…
He took off his glasses and stared at the ceiling; old patches of moisture wavered in his blurry eyesight, artifacts of repeated baking. A part of him hoped it would crack open to reveal a torrential downpour—droplets of shame and torment splashing upon his face as he sat there brooding. He felt like an action movie protagonist at the end of the second act, in the lowest point of their journey, when all hope is lost.
It felt normal, stable for him to imitate this cliche. There was a sort of comfort that came from mimicking these moments that gave him a semblance of hope; perhaps, there would be an end where he would rise to the occasion and take arms against the bulky bald antagonists that represented his discontent. He could fire the bullet of his last breaths and pierce the heart of what created all of his problems.
However, John’s melodrama was irrelevant to his situation; he’d dug his own grave and willingly laid in it. There was no moment of lucidity to pull him from his broken mindset. He was just there to bathe in his own nightmares, forever stuck doing nothing.
John felt a vibration in his pocket, reminding him of the messages he’d received earlier. He checked the notifications and saw messages from two users: timaeusTestified [TT] and gardenGnostic [GG] .
TT: Afternoon John.
TT: We need to talk. Let me know when you’re available so we can hash things out.
GG: good afternoon john! :D
GG: hey… i said we should talk about stuff later
GG: and if its a good time we should
GG: theres some things i need to tell you
GG: but just know… im not mad ok?
GG: youre my brother and ive learned a lot of things and im here to support you
He stared at his options carefully. The two of them screamed as important people to respond to. When was the last time Dirk ever talked to him? If he of all people wanted to talk, then it must be important, right? Then, Jade was his sister! She was someone he trusted and supported him even in his darkest hours. The fact that she was willing to give him a chance now spoke volumes.
His thumb hovered between the message buttons for both candidates. All he needed to do was-
golgothasTerror [GT] sent a message!
John’s mouth formed a smile. He slowly pressed his finger against the screen, beginning his conversation with Jake.
– ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 2:48pm –
GT: Good day john!
EB: hey jake!
GT: Kicking christ on a bicycle it has been some time hasnt it? It feels like you and i lost touch somewhere along the way.
EB: sorry for leaving everyone hanging
EB: but i’m back now!
GT: Oh your modesty is something else.
GT: You really did come back swinging eh?
EB: oh… right yeah lol.
GT: That was quite the bold move there! You have my respect for going all out on your return!
EB: well, i wouldn’t call it intentional…
EB: it’s a lot more drama than i’d like.
GT: But isnt drama the grease that keeps the crazy machine of life running?
GT: Whats life without a few bumps in the road?
EB: i guess that’s true haha.
GT: Anywho hows my boy doing with his new cohort?
EB: it’s been fine.
EB: she’s just as energetic and about making choices as she always was.
EB: she let me choose one thing and now i’m kind of living off her whims.
GT: Jeez well doesnt that remind me of my own issues heh.
EB: was dirk like this?
GT: Controlling? Absolutely.
GT: Assertive? Most definitely.
GT: Typically making the right calls? Almost always indeed!
GT: Youre a stronger man than me John.
GT: To date someone like that is a tall ask but youre quite experienced in these types of affairs so im sure this is a great fit.
GT: After all you went through all this effort to be with her right? Sounds like you made up your mind before you even had a choice!
EB: yeah…
EB: hey jake can i ask you something?
GT: Hm?
EB: if your best friend was suddenly acting really calm, would that concern you?
GT: Not at all!
EB: but why? if someone’s so certain there must be something going on.
GT: Youre overthinking it.
GT: We have our own sprints of clarity.
GT: Nothing wrong with that!
EB: hm…
EB: i guess you’re right.
EB: another question since you’re here.
GT: Lay it on me.
EB: when you’re made to make a choice
EB: do you ever feel like you’ve made an unfixable decision that’ll haunt you forever?
GT: Plenty of times!
GT: Do you ever wonder how much i regret the way i handled things with jane?
GT: It haunts me every fucking day I tell you!
GT: Imagine how life would be if i wasnt such a dunce!
GT: But im not letting that lapse ruin my life.
EB: thanks jake.
GT: Of course my boy!
EB: anyways, im sure you weren’t just messaging me to hear me dump my problems.
EB: why did you really text me?
Jake failed to respond for what felt to John like minutes. He stared at the screen awaiting a response, but it seemed that the words were unwilling to fall out.
John leaned up against the door to the garage, stabilizing himself upon the wooden surface. At any moment the conversation would continue and the moment of anxiety would pass. However, he could choose to respond to one of his prior notifications if he saw fit—though both you and I know he’d do no such thing.
GT: Would you happen to be available this evening?
EB: um i should be!
EB: i don’t think vriska has any plans outside of meeting up with rose, so i should have time.
GT: Excellent i was wondering if youd like to pay a little visit.
GT: We can have a little chat in person and then attend janes press conference.
EB: oh is jane doing one?
GT: Sure is!
GT: Shes been so tight lipped about it that even im not sure what shes about to say!
GT: I figure having family around would make for a nice bonding moment.
EB: i’d have to message vriska, but i can make it work.
GT: No need to ask your lady for permission John.
GT: Youre your own man!
GT: Dont be stuck to the whims of her just because shes your lady friend.
EB: you sure? i dont want to make her mad…
GT: Youre overthinking!
GT: What a woman wants to see most in a relationship is some mangrit! A little daring do! A dash of INDEPENDENCE!
GT: Show her you have that all in spades!
EB: you’re right!
EB: thanks again jake!
EB: when do you want me over?
GT: As soon as you can be i reckon! We can have some more man-to-man talk when you get here!
EB: hehe yeah!
EB: just a couple of dudes having a real man chat!
GT: Thats the spirit!
EB: i’ll see you soon then!
GT: See you on the other side!
– ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 3:14pm –
John pocketed his phone and took a deep breath. There he went again, speaking before his mouth was ready to speak. Spending time with Jake would be a nice way to break up the monotony of his life—but he also had Vriska to accompany him.
Without even realizing it, he’d stumbled backwards into another binary choice. In many ways, one could read it as the universe ironically mocking him for his previous decisions, though I would like to posit my own interpretation, just for you and I.
He was never going to open that refrigerator, no matter what forces compelled him to do so. Vriska could hold his hand through the entire process, and even then, it would remain locked; the thermal hull would be sealed away for all of eternity. Such is the life of John Egbert.
His choices no longer matter, and to think he ever will have one ever again is foolish. The ship has sailed, resulting in the keys being handed over to a more suitable wielder—someone more experienced and capable with the gravity that is holding the world in one’s hands.
His older sister is far and away a better choice for such a role that I find it humorous that he thought that John was the most capable in this venture. However, I must acknowledge that John was heir to no greater power, not even close. He wanted John for his own gain, though he severely misunderstood the capabilities of his eldest sibling.
Now, go on John. Please, let’s see what your choice will be. There are plenty of options, and free will is on your side.
CALLIOPE: here, before yoU choose which path yoU’re going to take, yoU shoUld decide what yoU’d like to eat!
CALLIOPE: i have packed a wide variety of provisions. easily enoUgh to satisfy even the most ravenoUs picnic-goer’s appetite.
CALLIOPE: behold, an array of savory delights for the carnally inclined.
CALLIOPE: or perhaps something for yoUr sweet tooth, if a lUst for treats is what stokes yoUr desire?
John stared at his options intently, the pressure of the mounting decision weighing upon his back like boulders. Meat or Candy?
He swallowed some saliva, fervently trying to decide just what to do. Neither seemed like proper options to him. In the back of his mind, he knew that his choice of meal would end poorly no matter what. If only there was another way!
If only… he could relinquish this choice and aim for another.
The crinkling of a wrapper rang in John’s ear, drawing his eyes to Roxy. In their hands was a dull looking pie—clearly a result of alchemization.
JOHN: hey roxy.
ROXY: mm?
ROXY: whats wrong?
JOHN: do you maybe want to do a trade?
JOHN: i’m not feeling meat or candy haha.
Roxy’s head tilted at him before returning with a smile.
ROXY: ye sure fuck it
ROXY: this pie kinda seems gross anyways
John picked up the meat from the plate and passed it to Roxy, who immediately began to scarf it down. The fatty juices of the cut dripped down their face, falling upon their shirt. Everyone couldn’t help but laugh at this display until Calliope looked directly into John’s eyes.
CALLIOPE: go on! let Us know what yoU think!
John looked down at the fruit pie that sat in his palms. Something told him that he shouldn’t eat it, but he couldn’t help himself. This was the best outcome.
Slowly, he brought the pie closer and closer to his face, the steam off the pastry wafting into his nose. It was intoxicatingly sweet yet surprisingly tempered. All he needed to do was…
Take.
A.
Bite.
Crunch.
John stood atop the highest point of one of the heavily JPEG artifacted Statues of Liberty; in the distance, he saw his neighborhood, blissfully ignorant to the actions John planned to take.
Wind blew in his hair, brushing it across his face; something felt almost freeing about taking in the view. The feeling of his toes hanging over the brim of the statue’s crown was exhilarating. He was done making silly and pointless binary decisions.
Who to talk to, what to eat, what mission to go on, who to date. All of those things were superfluous and frankly ridiculous choices. Right here, right now, a decision that finally mattered was placed directly in front of him.
The rough landscape below guaranteed a painful and dramatic end to anyone who faced it. One would require immense bravery to take a step off their pedestal and relinquish control, leaving their fate in the hands of the wind.
John’s face was still—his mouth laid emotionless while his eyes contained tear stains at the lids. Without thinking about it, his mind was already made up. There was no happiness to be gained by continuing to persist in this world of agony.
No other choice would matter. He was going to die a slow and painful death or live miserable forever.
There was no better outcome than what he was about to choose, he thought. There was that word again, “choose”. This wasn’t a choice, no, this was an inclination. This was a vision implanted into his mind through Paradox Space to confirm within his mind that there were no other options.
One cannot make a choice if it is in itself already made up.
In a flash of anxiety, the voice of his sister called out to him.
JADE: john!
JADE: john!!!!!
JADE: please dont do this!
JADE: please…
He shook his head.
Another voice echoed within his mind.
VRISKA: John! You’re seriously not going to do this, right?
VRISKA: Stop fucking around and get 8ack home! You still have a lot to get to!
John smiled—the murmurs of his girlfriend brought warmth in his heart, but not quite the emotions that would change his mind.
DIRK: Do it.
John nodded--he looked over the cliff again, feeling the blood rush through his body.
JOHN: im sorry...
John lifted his leg and took a step off the ledge; in a matter of moments he was no longer standing upon the statue. His soul was free to float in the air while the rush of wind enveloped him like a cage.
He closed his eyes, letting fate dictate what happened next.